(4/4) The MiSTing Authors' Own Fanfics Reviewed v.2.0
Jim W.
counter.
MIKE: So what I want to know is why do some people really even bother writing
their fanfics
if they never intend to finish them?
SERVO: You bring up a good point, Mike. But I have to say that sometimes a
story can
be entertaining even if it isn't finished. Once I was reading a book, and it
was really
good, too. It was about this guy whose parents were kidnaped by the government
and he
had to rescue them by going into outer space and meeting some aliens.
CROW: So how did it end?
SERVO: It just did. Heh, heh.
MIKE: That was dumb, Servo.
SERVO: But weren't you entertained?
MIKE and CROW: Yeah.
SERVO: Didn't you want to know what came next?
MIKE and CROW: Sort of.
SERVO: I proved my point.
-Mads' sign-
MIKE: What do you want, Pearl?
[CF] Pearl is holding a gun to Bobo's head.
PEARL: I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR STUPID WHINING AND INCOMPITENCE! YOU'RE GOING
TO WISH
YOU HAD NEVER STOWED AWAY ON MY VAN THE DAY YOUR PLANET BLEW UP, YOU STUPID,
HAIRY,
SMELLY, STUPID...
BOBO: You said stupid already.
PEARL: Oh, I did?
BOBO: Yeah.
PEARL: Um... oh. SMELLY, SLIMY, GROTESQUE FREAK! DIE!
BOBO: I can't.
PEARL: Why not?
BOBO: Because violence is never the answer.
PEARL: You know...you're right! We should love our fellow man, not try to
destroy him!
BOBO: Exactly!
PEARL: But you're not a man.
BOBO: Uh, oh...
PEARL: Prepare to meet thy doom, ape!
BOBO: Nooooooooooo!!!
PEARL: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
[Pearl shoots her water pistol at Bobo. He collapses.]
PEARL: Anyway, Mike, your next and lamest fanfic is about Star Trek: The Dumb
Generation.
It's a parody by our very own James Whaley himself.
[SOL] Servo's back to normal
ALL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
6...5...4...3...2...1...
>Star Speck II: The Naked Wow
CROW: Wow! He saw me naked!
>Chapter One
>
> "Hey, hey, hey!
MIKE: It's Fat Albert!
> What kind of drink is this?!"
SERVO: It's a new beverage called SURGE!
> "It's xerdon, captain. I heard it's
CROW: ...a kind of car wax.
> really good," came Finan's answer.
MIKE: Finan?
SERVO: I'll bet every single character is named some stupid word that rhymes.
> Captain Jean-Stoop Pickard looked at Finan, looked at his drink, then
back at
> Finan.
SERVO: You see? I was right.
> "Well, I guess I'll try it."
> "Now that's a good...er...old man," said Finan.
CROW: If she wasn't already a barmaid she'd have been demoted to one after
that.
> Then, without hesitation, she said "Gotta go," and left.
> "Harumph. 'old man' am I?
MIKE: Look, face it. You're bald, but that's not necesarily a bad thing.
> Well, I'll show-"
> The captain was interupted by a burst of voices. The voices only said
one
> word, repeating and repeating.
SERVO: Much like this sentence.
> "WOW!"
MIKE: These potato chips have less the fat that the normal ones!
> "What the-?" Captain Pickard said.
CROW: So basicly stick a K in there and it's a parody name?
> "WOW, WOW, WOW!" the people kept yelling.
> "Bridge, do you hear what's going on here?" Captain Pickard asked.
SERVO[Riker]: Yes, and we got a ticket for disturbing the peace.
> "Yes, captain," said Comander Whilliam Riper, a remarkably tall, bearded
man.
MIKE: So the scene just shifted to the other end of the line?
SERVO: Again, stick a few silent letters in and you get a completely different
name.
> "We have the same situation all over the ship, unfortunately."
> "Well, do someth-"
> "Captain? Are you okay?"
CROW[Pickard]: Yeah, I just forgot how to talk. Hang on a minute...
> "WOW!"
MIKE: These potato chips are really good!
> "Captain?"
> "WOW!"
> "Uh, okay, captain. Riper out."
> "WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!" the captain kept yelling.
SERVO[Pickard]: I stubbed my toe!
>
> "I don't know what's wrong with him," Doctor Heavenly Blusher said.
The doctor
> had only been on board the ship for a month after Doctor Hate Plaqueski was
> transfered to the U.S.S. Elf after serving one year on the Centerpiece.
CROW: Still, the starship names are more entertaining than Ratliff's.
> "What did you say happened?"
MIKE: But I thought the doctors were the ones who figured that out.
> "We were talking over the comuneicators when 'WOW' was heard over the
speakers.
SERVO: Oh, jeez. Even the objects are named something "funny".
> I rushed to Ten-Backward to see what was going on, and Captein Pickard was
> yelling pretty darn loud,"
CROW: Shouting, even.
> commander Riper explained. "I brought him and several others here for a
> check-up."
SERVO: And look, that's just a stupid parody name for Checkov.
MIKE: Calm down, Servo.
> "I see," said Blusher. "How many others?"
MIKE[Riper]: I brought a bunch of his colege buddies to cheer him up.
SERVO AND CROW: Whooo! Hey, pass the beer!
> "Oh, just a couple dozzen."
> Blusher looked at Spiker with a look that could kill.
SERVO: Wasn't it Riper a minute ago?
MIKE: It's the Name Game!
CROW: Duck duck, banana banna bo buck, fanana fanna fo-
[Mike hits Crow]
CROW: Ow! Sorry.
> "Well, wait...mabee a couple, couple dozzen. Yeah, that's it."
> "FOUR DOZZEN?!" Doctor Blusher roared.
SERVO: It's not like you don't have a complete medical staff or anything!
> "Okay, g'bye." Spiker left.
CROW[Spiker/Riper]: I gotta go change my name on the Starfleet form.
> "Grrr...," Doc. B. growled.
MIKE: Hey, Q turned her back into a spaniel. Remember that one episode?
> *$*)^%(*^^%@*&#)*$&(*%&^*&^(^%^____--!
[fanfic breaks]
MIKE: Hey, all right!
[all exit]
1...2...3...4...5...6...
[SOL int.] Mike and the 'Bots are dressed in Star Trek uniforms. A bag of Wow
potato chips
is on the counter.
MIKE: Quickly! We must destroy these potato chips before we are captivated by
their great
taste!
CROW: Charge!
SERVO: It's---it's no use! Wow!
MIKE: Servo! No!
GYPSY: Wow! These chips are really good!
MIKE: Can't...resist...much...
CROW: -longer! Gotta...stop...talking like...William...Shatner!
ALL: WOW!
[CF] Pearl is laughing. What else is new?
PEARL: Yes! You've been driven out of your minds! And it only took one
chapter of some
Star Trek spoof! I've gotta write that down! Brain Guy!
OBSERVER: Observer at your service! [comes in dressed in his own robes]
PEARL: What are you doing?
OBSERVER: I was responding to your call.
PEARL: Dressed in *that?*
OBSERVER: It's what I always wear.
PEARL: I made you uniforms for a reason!
OBSERVER: Actually, I made them.
PEARL: But I made you make them! Put it on this instant!
OBSERVER: Fine. [Observer is instantly dressed in his navy blue Forrester
uniform] What did
you want?
PEARL: Huh...oh! I finally found the worst fanfic of all time! Send "Star
Speck II" to
the internet! Post it on a web site!
OBSERVER: Yes, madam! [sound] Done!
PEARL: Where is it? Fanfic.com? Yahoo? AOL Today? [squeal] *Everywhere?*
OBSERVER: It's at http://members.aol.com/tjats/fanfic.html !
PEARL: WHAT! No one will ever find their way there! You insulent piece
of----
[SOL int.] Mike and the 'Bots have finished off the potato chips
MIKE: Thanks for watching this marathon, everybody!
SERVO: We hope you had as horrible an experience as we did!
CROW: Maybe we'll do something like this next year!
GYPSY: G'bye!
[fade out]
[love theme]
written by: Jim Whaley
"Brain Trek: Worst Contact" by: Kevin Rudolph and Matt Nelson
"My Gift to You" by: Rob C. Bungie
"Sailor Deathmatch" by: Skyrocket
"Star Speck II: The Naked Wow" by: Jim Whaley
featuring:
mike nelson: Michael J. Nelson
crow: Bill Corbett
tom servo: Kevin Murphy
gypsy: Patrik Brantseg
also featuring:
pearl forrester: Mary Jo Phel
proffessor bobo: Kevin Murphy
observer: Bill Corbett
all characters potrayed in this production are trademarks of their respective
companies.
no insults are intended to anyone anywhere
based upon MST3K created by Joel Hodgson
thanks to:
all MiSTing authors worldwide
Best Brains, Inc.
all you people who love to laugh
comments can be sent to
tj...@aol.com
c1999 by Jim Whaley
This was a Mystery Usenet Theater 3000 production.
read three whole seasons of Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000 at
http://members.aol.com/tjats/tjats.html
Jim the Ignorant (formerly Jim, that MiSTie)
#90212
http://members.aol.com/tjats/tjats.html (terribly out-of-date)
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My next MiSTing: ep. 306-"The Knothole Murders"
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***4 episodes left.***