MiSTied: Evolution in Cold Blood 5/6
rcoa...@forest.drew.edu
From: Coakley, Robert
RCOAKLEY
Dept: STUDENT
Tel No: (201)-408-5013
TO: Remote INTERNET Address ( _IN%ALT-TV...@CS.UTEXAS.EDU )
TO: Remote INTERNET Address ( _IN%REC-ARTS-TV...@CS.UTEXAS.EDU )
Subject: MiSTied: Evolution in Cold Blood 5/6
Date: 05-Oct-1995 03:21am EST
From: Coakley, Robert
RCOAKLEY
Dept: STUDENT
Tel No: (201)-408-5013
TO: Remote INTERNET Address ( _IN%MNE...@ENGIN.UMICH.EDU )
Subject: MiSTied: Evolution in Cold Blood 5/6
<SOL>
<Mike & 'bots seems to be playing with some action figures.
We see that they are Knight Saber action figures>
MIKE: Boy, these Knight Saber action figures are great!
TOM: I think it's great. The Knight Sabers are strong willed
independent women, making them great heroes for
girls, and appeal to men with non-stop action.
<Mike and Crow stare at Tom>
TOM: Er...Can I be Largo and those two Generic Boomers?
CROW: Sure, and I'll be Linna and Celia.
MIKE: I call Priss and Nene. Hey, where's the Leon figure?
CROW: Here it is.
<brings up a big dinosaure action figure, with a Leon figure
caught in beween it's teeth.>
TOM: Cool!
MIKE: That Leon figure looks suspiciously like a repainted
Commander Riker figure.
CROW: Gee, imagine that.
TOM: Hey, don't you think we should be checking on how
Ryoga is doing instead of playing with action figures?
MIKE: Normally yes, but I've got this great Knight Saber's
headquarter's playset, complete with training center
and Mackie figure. Mackie battle armor not included.
TOM: All right!
<Light and buzzers, meaning either the meat is burning or...>
ALL: FANFIC SIIIGN!!!
> B U B B L E G U M C R I S I S:
> Evolution in Cold Blood, Part 5.
<Mike and 'Bots enters>
CROW: Is there an AD Police Files action figure subdivision?
MIKE: Maybe in '96.
> Written by M. Mckenzie; based on
> characters and situations from the OVA series.
> Copyright (c) 1993, Marc Mckenzie.
>
>
> THE STORY SO FAR...
> Since the vicious rampage of a strange creature through Mega
>Tokyo the night before, Leon McNichol and the Knight Sabers have
>been scrambling to find answers. Tonight, they just might find
>them...
>
TOM: But don't count on it.
> The large armored transports of the AD Police rumbled
>through the streets of Mega Tokyo, drawing stares from the
>curious.
MIKE <stoned>: Oh, wow.
>Inside, the officers of the ADP checked their weapons,
>armor, and each other as they prepared to disembark at their
>assigned locations.
CROW: Why'd they have to check each other?
MIKE: Hush, child.
> Inside the lead transport, Leon gave his flak vest harness
>yet another tug. The vest was uncomfortable, and hot to boot.
TOM: I'd like to boot him!
>Turning to Daily, who also wore a similar vest, Leon asked,
>"Well, where did the chief assign us?"
MIKE: He assigned them to transfer Erika Elaniak to another prison.
> Daily checked a small screen in front of him and replied,
>"Hmmm...you're going to love this. He's placed us at the
>secondary GENOM R&D laboratory."
TOM: Gee, just where the next attack is gonna be. What a
wild coincidence.
> Leon's eyebrows shot up.
CROW <singing>: Happy in Hell with my Heroin Girl!
>"What? You gotta be kidding!"
> "Nope. My guess is that since you were on that kick about
>GENOM, he might as well assign us there."
MIKE: Or it could be an atempt by the author to put Daily and
Leon at the spot of the big fight scene...
> "Jesus," Leon groaned. "Me and my big mouth."
ALL: Tell us about it.
CROW: Better yet, don't.
> "At least we'll have two other squads joining us."
TOM: I thought there was only one Squad, and they were dead.
MIKE: That the Ultraverse Squad.
> "Daily, you had better pray that they'll be enough."
>
>
> At the secret training/repair facilities of the Knight
>Sabers, Mackie Stingray punched in a series of instructions and
>recieved his answer on the computer screen.
TOM <reading>: Your access to the Traci Lords homepage has
been denied!
> "The transports are heading to these areas," Mackie said,
>indicating the red icons that were moving through the computer
>generated map of Mega Tokyo.
> Celia, Nene, Linna, and Priss, all clad in their respective
>hardsuits, but not wearing their helmets, regarded the map
>closely from behind Mackie. Finally Celia said, "We can't act
>right now.
TOM: They can't act at all!
MIKE: That joke only works during Star Trek fanfics.
>When something comes up, get us there, Mackie."
> "Gotcha, sis."
CROW <singing>: Under my skin...
> "So what do we do now?" Linna asked.
> "We wait."
TOM <Linna>: Good thing I brought a magazine...
>
> Revenge.
> That one word kept drifting through Cassoval Pellerin's mind
>as he regarded the machinery in the room. The tools of my
>revenge, my conquest, he laughed to himself.
TOM <Pellerin>: My, my, my Shirona.
> The secret had eluded the members of the Proteus Group for
>what seemed like an eternity...
MIKE: What is the formula for Coca-Cola?
>and Jareck Van de Meer had
>discovered the key to solving the mystery. It should have been
>his ticket to fame...
CROW: And Pamela Anderson's home phone number.
MIKE: Crow, she'd be sixty four in 2032.
> But everything had come crashing down,
ALL <singing>: And the walls...come tumbling down...and the walls...
>and soon Jareck Van
>de Meer was dead, and Cassoval Pellerin had taken his place. The
>mind was still the same, and soon it would be satisfied.
CROW: It would know the answer!
TOM: 42!
> Pellerin sat in the large chair before an equally large
>screen, placing his hands on the keyboard of the computer.
MIKE: That should read large hands on the large keyboard of the
large computer.
>He tapped a key, and the screen flashed to life.
TOM <mechanical>: This is HAL. I'm ready for my first lesson.
>There, against a
>map of the city and a grid of information, four green shapes
>moved. My soldiers of my private little war, he thought. The
>fools never realized that he was tracking them right now, due
>to the small microtrackers he had implanted in their brains.
CROW: Their intelligence was amplified, but their lifespan, shortened.
MIKE: I really liked that show.
>The microtrackers could also give them enhanced strength. One more
>invention of Van de Meer that had instead been credited to that
>fool--
> "Yahagi," he said,
TOM <Yahagi>: Yes? Oh, wait, I'm dead.
>"you couldn't have wiped your own _ass_
>without my help."
MIKE: Explains the dirty underware.
>Chuckling, turned to the machine which had
>made this day possible. It stood there in the center of the
>room, still warm after the recent use.
CROW: Do you think it...<Mike glares> Never mind.
>It would be used as many
>times as possible, or until the crime against him was avenged.
CROW: Or until Detectives Brisco and Logan caught him.
MIKE: Logan's gone, Crow.
CROW: Looooooo-gaaaaaaaaaaaannn!!!!!
TOM: Whoah.
>Near the machine lay the tattered, bloody remains of Dr. Shinjii
>Yahagi. The scientist was already dead, so the only thing he was
>useful for was food for the things Pellerin had just unleashed on
>the city.
CROW <Hannibal Lector>: I do so love Japanese. It's brain food.
> Pleased with himself, he turned back to the screen, waiting
>for the action to begin.
TOM: Curse these ten minutes of coming attractions!
MIKE: Yeah, yeah, don't panic if there's a fire, don't litter..
>
> Above the great buildings of Mega Tokyo, the propfan
>transport of the Knight Sabers kept a steady holding pattern.
CROW: Funny how in the future, radar can't track the KS's
transport.
>In the cockpit, Mackie kept one eye on the instruments and the other
>on the skies.
MIKE: So Mackie is cross-eyes?
TOM: With all those babes to stare at, who wouldn't be?
>Behind him in the fuselage of the aircraft, Nene stared screen
CROW: It's the Stared Screen Saver. From the makers of After Dark.
>and said, "Well, they're all at their locations,
>everybody."
> "Wow, at least _something's_ happening," Priss said
>ruefully.
MIKE: We'll finally get some *action* in this fanfic!
>"Celia, what if nothing happens tonight? What if
>we're all wrong?"
> Linna spoke up before Celia could answer. "But Priss, what
>if something does?"
> "Well...."
TOM: Then we're screwed.
>
> "Damn," Leon cursed. "Make your move Yahagi, will ya?"
MIKE: Jeeze, I wish he'd just move his rook to Queen's 4 and be
done with it!
>He was leaning against the side of the ADP truck, assault rifle
>cradled in his arms.
TOM: Nice, rifle. Good, rifle. Oh, you're such a cute rifle.
>All around him, other ADP officers tried to
>blend in with the dark, or looked at the building they were
>assigned to protect.
CROW: But they couldn't do both? God, they're inept.
> The GENOM R&D laboratory was not the primary one GENOM used,
>but it was still a critical facility. Much of the Buma research,
>as well as other top secret projects, were conducted here. The
>building itself resembled a smaller version of the main GENOM
>tower. Although the staff was gone, the lights were still on.
TOM: Like any supermarket.
> Leon snapped on his walkie-talkie. "All teams, report in."
> "A-Team--OK."
> "B-Team--OK."
> "C-Team--OK."
CROW <hysterical>: ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!
> Leon spoke with the groups for a short time, then signed
>off. He looked at the time: 10:30.
MIKE: Oh, no! I'll miss "Silk Stalkings"!!!
>"Shit, maybe the chief was wrong," he muttered.
> Daily heard him and said, "Hey, the night's not over yet."
> "True. Very true."
>
> The leader of A-Team was
ALL: George Peppard.
>stationed at the eastern side of
>the building. His squad was the smallest, consisting of only
>seven men. Cursing to himself, he wished that he was back at his
>small apartment, giving his girlfriend a really good--
MIKE <before 'bots can say anything>: Dinner. That's all. Dinner.
'BOTS: Sure, Mike.
> "Boss! There's something out there!"
TOM: And it's ready to PARTY!
> The leader grabbed his night vision goggles and stared out
>into the night. There was nothing there...
CROW: Except for some ellipses.
> "What the hell did you see?" he asked the officer.
> "Just two figures, moving real fast--"
MIKE: Bruce Jenner and Jackie Joyner Kersey?
> A scream came from one of the men. Turning, the group
>leader saw the man fall to the ground, his chest torn open.
>Panicking, the leader brought up his rifle and opened fire.
ALL: Fire indescriminately!
>Something flew past him...and as he gave a quick glance, he saw
>the head
TOM: On MTV's Oddities.
>of another member of the squad.
> "Goseki!" he shouted. He opened fire again at the bushes,
>calling out for the remainder of the men to do the same. Nothing
>happened...but then something stepped out of the bushes, followed
>by three more. The leader's bladder let go.
CROW: Jeeze, people in this story need "Depends!"
>What was there couldn't be possible--
MIKE: Ollie North! And he never went to jail!
> That was his final thought.
TOM <Dan Rather>: Courage.
>
> Leon and his team had heard the gunfire from A-Team and
>rushed over immediatly.
CROW <nervous>: Oh, I *knew* that A-Team was too violent!
>When they got there, however, it was too
>late. Bodies and parts of bodies lay scattered ground, and the
>smell of blood hung in the air. Daily stepped on something that
>gave a wet, squishing sound;
MIKE: A sponge?
'BOTS <singing>: I'm plowed into the ground...
MIKE: Not *that* Sponge.
>looking down, he saw that he had
>stepped on the intestines of a disemboweled officer.
TOM <gagging>: Well, at least he didn't need it anymore.
>Choking down the vomit in his throat, he croaked, "Leon, it's Heike."
ALL: HIKEEBA!!!
>
> Leon stared at the gruesome remains. "They're here. Seven
>officers taken down..." He quickly glanced around just as
>another officer said, "Leon, look at this!"
CROW: It's a Sampo!
> The officer was pointing to a large, ragged hole torn into
>the side of the building. There were several bloody footprints
>inside, and as Leon examined them, he knew right away.
MIKE: O.J. was here!
>Quicky, he picked four men to go with him.
TOM: Oh, they're dead.
>Turning to Daily,
>he said, "Get the rest of the teams over here. Also, get on the horn
>and inform everyone about what's going on."
> "Roger."
TOM: Clinton
MIKE: Daltrey.
CROW: Moore.
> Taking a look at the hole and then at the four officers,
>Leon said, "Let's go."
>
> Heart pounding, Leon rounded a corner, rifle at the ready.
>Nothing. The footprints had vanished some way back, but the
>small group had gotten a very good look at them. The prints
>were a foot long with three toes. Yet they were not made by
>anything human.
CROW: Does that mean humans in cyberpunk stories have 3 toes?
> The group continued along the corridor. Leon nearly jumped
>when the officer behind him tapped him on the shoulder. "What?"
MIKE: Gee. He should have used Gentle Pressure (TM).
> "Leon, listen. That sound..."
> Straining his ears, he heard. A series of crashes, the
>sounds of shattered glass, machinery being thrown about...
TOM: Oh, is Axl Rose trashing *another* hotel room?
> "It's about twenty meters ahead," said the officer.
> "All right. Get ready. Remember, short, controlled
>bursts."
<A glare from Mike prevents Crow from saying anything>
> The group covered the twenty meters in seconds. Soon they
>stood in front of a large steel door, marked with the sign "DO
>NOT ENTER> TOP SECRET EXPERIMENT IN PROGRESS."
TOM: They're trying to discover the popularity of Yanni!
>There was
>something wrong, however. The steel door lay on the floor. It
>had been torn off of its supports, and the room was opened. Leon
>glanced in. What he saw made his blood turn cold.
MIKE: Cold Blood. Well, I knew Leon was a real snake.
> The room was large, over one hundred feet wide. It was in a
>shambles. Computers were smashed and crushed, tables were
>overturned; chairs had been flung everywhere. Several Bumas that
>were being built had been ripped apart, their parts tossed on the
>floor. The floor itself was covered with a layer of broken
>glass, plastic, and hydraulic fluids.
CROW: Jeeze, this is going to destroy the fanfic's budget.
>And standing in the
>middle of the room were four figures, each one about six feet
>high. One was light brown with black spots; the second was a
>light blue with green spots, and the third and fourth were
>similar in appearance, with their olive-green skin. But the
>faces!--
> "NOW!" Leon shouted. The five officers ran in and quickly
>formed a circle around the creatures. "Don't move!" Leon said.
TOM: You'll ruin the dramatic tension!
> He had expected the things to jump, but instead, they simply
>stood there, regarding the officers with their red eyes.
CROW: Red Eyes? That was OAV #6, wasn't it?
>Suddenly, one reared its head back and simply laughed.
> Leon nearly lost it. It was a demon's laugh, it was one of
>pure evil. But it could have also been--
MIKE: Aaron Spelling, creating yet *another* young adult drama.
> Without warning one of the creatures shot toward an officer
>with lighting speed. Leon and the others opened fire, but then
>the other creatures sprang toward the them, jaws open, teeth
>showing.
TOM: Oh, they're using Baking Soda toothpaste.
<Mike stands up and touches one of the fangs.>
MIKE: Oh, that's sharp! <sits down>
>In horror, Leon saw one of his men sliced open, his gut
>spilling to the floor. As the man fell, the creature decapitated
>him with a swipe of its hand. Two more officers were taken down
>by the two green creatures.
CROW: Oh, c'mon. Eco-terrorists are so passe!
>Backing up, Leon and the officer kept firing, hoping against all odds
MIKE <singing>: You comin' back to me, is against all odds, it's the
chance I gotta take...
>that they wouldn't meet the same fate--
ALL: Kill Leon! Kill Leon! Kill Leon!
> --When the ceiling above their heads gave way.
> The creatures looked up. Leon did too, and saw four
>familiar figures drop down into the room.
> Once again, the Knight Sabers had arrived in time.
MIKE: And there was much rejoycing.
'BOTS <monotone>: Yea.
>
> Seated in front of his computer, Pellerin slammed his fist
>down. "How?" he growled. "How did the Knight Sabers know?"
TOM: If it wasn't for those kids and their dog...
> If they had arrived, then it could only mean trouble.
>Pellerin gave the idea some thought.
CROW: The Knight Sabers are here. That can only mean trouble.
>Silently, he punched in
>OMEGA-23-117-RX-78-GO. A small panel on the keyboard opened, and
>a red button appeared. Pellerin regarded the button cautiuously.
>The code and the button were all from Brian J. Mason, a
>sort of compensation for what had happened, but still...
MIKE: He was expecting more than just an O.J. Simpson Pog.
> "No," he said, "not yet."
TOM: We better drag this story out some more...
>
> Priss' fist connected with the creature's face. She heard a
>crunching sound as the thing backed away, screaming in pain.
>Taking the chance, she fired two steel darts at it. One hit the
>creature's right eye, the other embedded itself in its torso.
CROW: Lizard shishkabob!
> The rest of the Knight Sabers were fighting the three other
>creatures. One seized Linna and sent her flying into a corner.
>Seeing this, Celia fired her disrupter cannon. The beast dodged
>one blast, but not the other. Its chest erupted in a scarlet
>spray of blood, guts, and bone. It fell to the floor and did not
>move.
<Crow starts to cry>
MIKE: Crow, what's wrong? Is this too violent for you?
CROW <sobbing>: No, I just wish it was Leon who was
getting killed.
> Priss left the light-brown one she had disabled and rushed
>over to Nene, who was held in crushing bearhug by the blue
>creature.
MIKE <annoucer>: Nene is in a *brutal* bearhug!
>Nene pounded at the thing, but it still kept
>squeezing. Priss shouted, "Hey!"
TOM: That's an illegal move!
> The thing's head snapped around, and saw her. It dropped
>Nene, and regarded Priss coldly. With an unholy cry, it jumped
>at her, mouth opened, teeth gleaming with saliva.
CROW: Breath stinking of pepperoni pizza!
>Priss, however, stood her gound, calmly firing her disrupter cannon.
>The creature's head disappeared in a flash of light and blood,
>falling at Priss' feet.
TOM: Did the head fall at Priss' feet *after* it dissapeared?
> Now there was only one.
CROW <dramatically>: There can be only one!
> It slowly backed into a corner, swinging its head this way
>and that, the red eyes giving off its fury. The Knight Sabers
>carefully surrounded it, pointing their weapons at it.
> "Everyone okay?" Celia asked.
> "Yeah," was the response, but then Priss added, "where's
>Leon?"
ALL: Who cares?
> Leon and the surviving officer ran down the hall to where
>they had entered the building. Suddenly, he stopped dead in his
>tracks and turned around. "Listen!"
MIKE <singing>: Stop! Children, what's that sound, everyone look
what's goin' round.
> The sounds of fighting had ceased. It was deathly quiet.
> Leon slapped the officer on the arm. "Go! Go tell 'em
>everything that went down in there!"
> "But Leon--hey, where the hell are you going?"
> Leon didn't answer as he ran back to the room.
>
> It was all over.
CROW: Well, I'm outta here.
<Crow tries to leave. Mike holds him back.>
> Pellerin sighed as he placed his finger on the red button.
>The Knight Sabers had learned a few new tricks since the last
>time. He was sure that his agents, if any of them were still
>alive, would spill their guts to the ADP.
MIKE: As opposed to spilling the ADP's guts all over the floor.
>An unacceptable
>situation. Pellerin pushed another button, and a red crosshair
>appeared on the computer screen, right over the GENOM R&D
>laboratory.
TOM <announcer>: This laboratory will compete...
> "Well, Mason, let's see how good this satellite of yours is."
TOM: Is there enough room for a theater with six seats in it?
> Pellerin pushed the button.
CROW <Dr. Forrester voice>: Push the button, Pellerin!
>
> It was Nene who saw it first.
CROW: With eyes that big, I'm not surprised.
> Her shout of surprise made the Knight Sabers turn their
>heads. As they watched, the bodies of the dead creatures began
>to ripple and change to their human forms.
> "Holy shit," said Priss.
MIKE <scolding>: Priss! Watch your mouth.
> The creature that was still alive decided to act.
TOM <creature>: First I'll need an agent, head shots...I can
worry about talent later.
>It jumped
>at Celia, but she reacted faster. Activating the laser blade in
>her right forearm, she sliced the thing's arm clean off. With a
>howl of pain, the beast swung at her with its remaining arm and
>knocked her over. It ran to a door in the rear of the room and
>pulled it from its hinges.
MIKE: The sign said "push."
>The Knight Sabers were close behind
>when the whole room was bathed in a blinding light.
TOM: Ladies and gentlemen... Aerosmith!!!
> "What's that?" Linna shouted, but her answer was a blinding
>flash, followed by an intense burst of heat, then darkness.
>
> Daily picked himself up off the ground, tasting blood in his
>mouth.
CROW <British>: One could aquire a taste for this stuff.
>The explosion had knocked him down, along with everyone
>else. "What the hell was that?" someone asked.
MIKE: Roseanne must have fallen over.
> "It was a damn laser satellite," Daily replied. But how was
>that possible? The U.S.S.D. would never fire such a thing at a
>city!
TOM: They're kind and decent and pure!
>He turned and looked at what was left of the R&D lab. The
>roof was gone, and the entire place was a blackened, twisted
>ruin. Most of the place still stood, but the majority of the
>damage was at the northern end, at that lab where Leon was
>heading to--
CROW: Oh please oh please oh please...
> "Leon!"
> Daily ran to the hole which had been torn in the side of the
>building. Smoke was emerging from it, and from that smoke
>emerged a bruised and very pissed-off Leon McNichol.
ALL: DAMN!!!!
> "Leon! What the hell happened?"
> "Can't kill me off that easily.
TOM: At least the author tried.
>Get a transport, Daily."
> "Are you out of your mind?" someone shouted. "You need to
>see a doctor, Leon!"
CROW: Maybe he could cure you of your annoying personality.
> "That's exactly what I'm going to do." With a grimace of
>pain, he pulled himself into the passenger side of an ADP
>transport as Daily got in on the driver's side. He started the
>vehicle and drove away as the sound of ambulances and fire
>engines came closer.
> "Leon, man, what do you think you're doing? You're hurt!"
> "Just go to the Nakamura-Kellar museum.
CROW: They're having the Jack Kirby collection on display!
>I was damn lucky
>that I was running back to guys because I changed my mind about
>the Knight Sabers.
TOM: Daily must be glad to hear that.
MIKE: TOM!!!
>Oh shit, that HURTS!" he said as he began to
>step into the lower torso of a KH-12 suit.
ALL: Tell us about it.
> "What about the Knight Sabers?" Daily asked, but a low
>buzzing noise made him look up.
CROW: It's Bob Dylan!
>Heading toward the downtown area
>at breakneck speed was an unusual propfan transport.
>
> Inside the propfan, Celia removed Linna's charred helmet,
>looking at the cuts and bruises on her face. "Linna, come on..."
MIKE: Answer the question. Windows or Macintosh?
> Violently, Linna coughed and opened her eyes. Around her
>the rest of the Knight Sabers looked no better. Their hardsuits
>were blackend by soot, but not seriously damaged, even after the
>force of the laser blast.
CROW: After THAT explosion? I call no way.
TOM: At least wait until the rational explination.
>It had been a narrow escape. The
>creature had gone through the door it had opened, and the Knight
>Sabers had followed, Linna being the last one in just as the
>blast hit. They had ended up in a passageway that led to the
>outside, where Mackie had picked them up.
MIKE: Now you can call "no way."
CROW: There should be little Knight Saber bits all over the place!
>They had seen AD
>Police cruisers and transports, but no officers were in sight;
>Mackie had told them that the officers were at the eastern wall
>of the place.
> Linna sat up, wincing in pain. "Ouch...that hurts..."
TOM: Try reading *this*!
> Priss stared at the floor, tears welling up in her eyes. "I
>wonder if Leon made it..."
ALL: Unfortunately, yes.
> Nene said, "Celia, we've got to go to the museum! That's
>where this all leads to!"
> "Nene, you've got to be kidding me. Linna's been hurt, and
>the rest of us aren't in such hot shape either."
CROW: They've slacked off from Jenny Craig.
> "Celia," Priss said, "We won't have another chance at this.
>We have to get there. Because if Leon's been seriously hurt or
>even--"
ALL: Oh please oh please oh please oh please...
>She became quiet.
> Looking at Nene and Priss, Celia saw the determination in
>their eyes. "All right. Use the spare hardsuits. My suit
>wasn't damaged seriously, and the weapons still work.
>Mackie--take us to the Nakamura-Kellar Natural History Museum."
TOM: But don't make any jokes about the Niger River.