MiSTed: The Truth is Out There?...Possibly (2/3)
Roland Warner
<Tom is standing in front of a easel marked "Conspiracy Revealed" in big
red letters across cover. Crow and Mike enter.>
Mike: Okay, Tom. What's this big conspiracy?
Crow: Yeah, and it'd better be good!
Tom: Good? Good is only optional! What we have here, my friends, is
only a UNIVERSAL CONSPIRACY! Mike, if you will, please remove the cover
sheet.
Mike: Okay.
<Mike removes the sheet. Beneath it is a picture of a fire truck.>
Tom: What you see, is merely a fire truck to the untrained eye, but to
a conspiracy nut, it's an Alien transportation device disguised by the
red paint and ladder! Mike, next page.
<Mike removes the second sheet. Beneath it is an outline of France.>
Tom: Now, the French decide that they want to join in on the Fireman
conspiracy because contact with aliens would make great PR, until they
learn the true Alien agenda. Mike, again.
<Mike takes the third sheet off the easel, and reveals, in big numbers,
"12".
Tom: The dreaded "12th Syndrome"!
Mike: 12?
Crow: What're you leading up to, Tom?
Tom: Well, if you've noticed, everything today comes in packs of 12,
right?
Crow: Yeah . . .
Tom: 12 is the secret number of the aliens. 12 things must happen,
and then the aliens will conquer the world!
Crow: So?
Tom: Well, we're up seven deadly sins, right?
Mike: Oh, now you're stretching Tom. You sound like this pathetic
alien rant!
Tom: Oh I do, do I? I guess I don't need to mention then, that the
French have already sold their souls to the alien species and are ready
to join in with them, do I?
Mike: <Sternly> Now, listen here. You stop this nonsense
immediately! Tom, you need to get a grip, this post has gotten control
of your mind!
<Tom starts shaking violently>
Tom: Umm, but the French! . . . and firemen! . . . and 12! Oh!
You're right, Mike! It's all a big lie! Everything!
<Mike comforts Tom.>
Mike: There, there Tom. The world already has too many conspiracies as
it is. There's just no room for yours.
Tom: Of course, I promise. No more conspiracy theories!
Mike: Good. Now, do you want a Nutty Buddy?
Tom: Yes, please.
Crow: Oh, Mike! I've got a Conspiracy Theory, can I have Nutty Buddy
too?
Mike & Tom: Shut up, Crow!
<Lights flash. Chaos ensues.>
All: Ahhh! Alien.Sign!
<6...5...4...3...2...1...*>
<M&TB Enter the theater.>
> are seeing what appears to be
> clones of themselves aboard ufos or underground facillities they are taken
> to...may abductees are told they will be replaced by their clones or not
> allowed to returned to their homes if they do not co-operate with their
> alien captors.
Crow: Oh no! It's "Clonus" all over again!
All: <Screams!>
> Small crop circle patterns are showing up on the bodies of
> ufo abductees which glow under black light or uv...they look suspiciously
> like brand marks.
Mike: So they can't be "crop" circles then!
>
> In the former Soviet Union ufo researchers are saying there are young
> people asssociated with the abduction phenomena.. upwards of 5000 plus a
> year that are disappearing without a trace
Crow: Wow, 5,000 people are disappearing and no one has any clue where
they're going? Someone get Dean Koontz on the phone!
> ...some researcher in the US,
> such as Don Eker of UFO Magazine also believes that there are missing
> people associated with the ufo abduction phenomena especially during
> certain ufo flaps as occurred the Hudson Valley, NY... a few years ago.
Mike: You know... I really like.... periods cuz they're.... so
pretty.... don't you agree?
>
>
> THE ALIEN AGENDA
Tom: Tuesday night on Fox.
>
> Dr. Jacobs indicates the evidence suggests the aliens' ultimate goal is
> integration into human society and all their efforts and activities appear
> geared toward complete control of humans on Earth. Dr. Jacobs outlines four
> programs the aliens have put into effect to achieve their goals:
Crow: And how is this funded?
>
> 1. The Abduction Program
> 2. The Breeding Program
> 3. The Hybridization Program
> 4. The Integration Program
Tom: Is there any Purpose in all this???
>
> The Abduction Program involves selectively abducting humans around the
> world. The Breeding Program is the process whereby the aliens collect human
> sperm and eggs, genetically alter the fertilized embryo, incubate fetuses in
> human hosts, and make humans mentally and physically interact with the
> offspring for proper hybrid development. The Hybridization Program is where
> the aliens refine the hybrids by continual alteration and breeding with
> humans to become more human while retaining crucial alien characteristics.
Mike: Human aliens?
Crow: Don't ask, Mike.
> And the Integration Program involves the aliens preparing abductees for
> future events when eventually the hybrids or the aliens themselves integrate
> into human society and assume control.
Mike: I believe this explains where Jim Carrey came from.
>
> Dr. Jacobs' research correlates the information coming from many researchers
> in the abduction field. Some researchers, as Jacobs calls "The Positives",
Tom: Who needs words like "Optimists" and "Pessimists"?
> prefer to believe the aliens are benevolent and here as much for OUR benefit
> as their own. According to Jacobs, "Often the New Age Positives band
> together into almost cultlike groups to defend themselves from their
> detractors - researchers and abductees who have come to different
> conclusions about the abduction phenomenon. The Positives reinforce one
> another's feelings and insulate themselves from the terror of their lives;
> they become angry when "less enlightened" abduction researchers question
> their interpretation."
Crow: They also tend to be nerds who have nothing else to do but sit at
their computers and visit conspiracy websites.
>
> Dr. Jacobs points to several researchers such as John Hunter Gray, Dr. Leo
> Sprinkle, Richard Boylan, Jopseph Nyman, and Dr. John Mack as researchers
> who prefer to put a more positive twist on the abduction phenomenon.
Tom: <Researcher> Hey, it's free sex!
> Jacobs
> states, "Both Boylan and Mack de-emphasize the effects of the standard
> abduction procedures.
Crow: <Jacobs> Which I'm very familiar with, thank you very much!
> Boylan believes that gynecological and urological
> procedures take place only with a very small number of abductees and he
> rarely focuses on them. And although Mack has found nearly the full range of
> alien physical, mental, and reproductive procedures, he only mentions them
> in passing while emphasizing what he finds to be spiritually uplifting
> elements."
Tom: Like he once found that the alien leader walked on water!
Mike: Whoa there, don't go too far down that path!
>
> The view the Positives have of the abduction phenomenon do not correlate
> with what most abductees describe as horrifying and traumatic experiences.
Crow: Anal probes? Heck, they're just cleaning the body!
> According to Jacobs, "The benevolent "spin" that the Positives (both
> abductees and researchers) put on the abduction phenomenon is puzzling,
> given the way most people describe their abductions:
Mike: Dead celebrities giving them makeovers.
> being unwillingly
> taken; being subjected to painful physical procedures (sometimes leaving
> permanent scars);
Tom: <Hillbilly> Why, this here scar came from Roswell, it sure did!
Them saucers came down stole me and muh dog and poked me with a bunch of
needles!
> enduring humiliating and abusive sexual episodes,
Mike: The aliens are a bunch of perverts!
> including unwanted sexual intercourse; living with the fear and anxiety of
> wondering when they will be abducted again."
Crow: It depends upon how good you were the first time!
>
> According to Dr. Jacobs, "The aliens have suggested that the time is not far
> off when their programs will end and they will have achieved their goal."
> These beings repeatedly warn that something catistrophic will happen and
> there will be mass terror and confusion and the aliens will intervene.
Mike: Does this mean we don't have to worry about calming L.A. anymore?
> Jacobs indicates that the aliens only refer to what will happen in reference
> to the abductees but fail to mention or show concern for non-abductees.
> Various abductees have been told by the beings that "some" abductees will be
> needed for further breeding purposes. But what will become of the rest of
> the human population?
Crow: They'll become experiments in a place known as "The Twilight
Zone".
>
> In his closing statements, Dr. Jacobs expresses deep concern and fear for
> the future.
Tom: A planet where apes evolve from men?!
> He points to the futility of stimulating the scientific
> community to take a serious look at this phenomenon and even many UFO
> researchers have ignored or dismissed the abduction phenomenon since the
> late 1940's.
Crow: And then points out the awkwardness of his sentance.
> Jacobs sighs, "It is clear that unless there is a dramatic,
> irrefutable, public event, the scientific community is probably not going to
> research the UFO phenomenon - regardless of how important the subject is.
> And even if scientists now decide to conduct serious research, it may very
> well be too late."
Mike: That was some sigh!
>
> In the final stages of the alien agenda, humans will be slowly "phased out"
> while the hybrids are "phased in". Memories of loving mothers, fathers,
> freedom of choice and religion will be replaced by memories of selective
> breeding, single-minded functions geared to serving the aliens' needs,
> programs and a hive mentality.
Mike: Wouldn't it be much easier to build robots?
> If a population has no memories of
> individual choice, family bonding, freedom, it will not remember or know
> what it has lost. Without stress or the needs of survival - controlled by
> the aliens - growth becomes unnecessary. As each generation of human beings
> is blended with alien genetic designs and control, memories of freedom,
> strife and the liberties we so vehemently seek will become only distant
> echoes of an ancient society.
Crow: Then why didn't they do this in the first place?!
>
> Who will write the history of our world and our peoples if no one remembers?
> How will we bond as a society if the memories of humanity are lost? And
> when our children and our children's children are no longer human, who will
> remember love and who will sing the lullabies?
Tom: Is it the Borg that he's referring to?
Crow: I'd be taken over by "7 of 9" any day!
>
>
> SOME PHILOSOPHICAL AND OTHER PROBLEMS WITH THESE MESSAGES
Mike: They're too long and cluttering up my mailbox!
>
> - While there seems to be evidence for UFO related activties as mentioned
> above, perhaps there are other possible explanations.
Crow: Like they want their spaceship back from Roswell, plus rental
charges for using it.
> There seems to be from
> reports and research, components which parallel paranormal, psychic, and
> spiritistic manifestations, etc.5,6.
Tom: This rant just loves throwing numbers at us, doesn't it?
Mike: Ow! A 7 just poked me in the eye!
> Many UFO abductees, contactees and
> researchers, for instance, believe there is an interdimensional or
> multidemensional quality to the UFO phenomena and related experiences.
Crow: <Officer Barbrady> Move along, nothing to see here! There are
no psyched out maniacs, yelling about aliens coming to probe everyone,
behind me.
> Although
> the UFO phenomena may appear real enough, it also could be a holigraphic
> illusion or a transmorification of matter and energy.
Mike: Of course, I'm just using really big words to make it all sound
really important.
> Perhaps certain
> intelligences have the power to shape matter and spirit. Some ufos and their
> occupants seem to have an ability to shape shift and appear and disappear 5,6.
Crow: Argh! Not again!
> Dr. J. Allen Hyneck suggested the phenomena appears to be more psychic than
> extra-terrestial and perhaps comes from a parallel world. This also seems to be
> Dr. Jacque Vallee's explanation 6, 9.
Tom: Have any of these people been checked for drug tests lately?
Because someone's been hallucinating numbers and I wanna know who it is!
>
> -Dr. Vallee also notes that there are authoritarian overtones to some of the
> messages given to contactees 8 ie. democracy is obsolete, elections should be
> done away with 4,
Tom: *sob* Make it stop, Mike! Make it stop!
Mike: <Comforts Tom> There, there Tom. It'll be ok, not too much
longer.
> racist idealogies are encouraged - some have more alien DNA
> etc.,
Crow: I think these aliens really have some sensitive issues to discuss
with a psychiatrist.
> a New World Order is needed and will be set up with alien help.
Mike: So the aliens are into wrestling?
> He also
> believes that some kind of control system is being set up by the UFO phenomena
> which challenges our traditions and human beliefs systems 6,8.
Tom: Mike, these numbers are going to make me sick! Please, stop them
now!
Mike: There's nothing I can do, Tom!
Crow: Stop complaining, Tom! They're just . . . there!
Tom: Yeah, but they're confusing my logic sensors.
Crow: Logic sensors? Wouldn't they have been fried a long time ago?
Tom: I guess so, but I think they're finally giving in.
> Many abductees
> report implants and feel they are being manipulated for some unknown purpose
> that's yet to be revealed.
Mike: I have this sudden urge to . . . Limbo!
>
> - Much of the messages given to abductees and contactees seem to be New Age in
> philosophical orientation and language: there are no moral absolutes,
> reincarnation is taught, monistic beliefs such as a vague "kinship with the
> Cosmos and it's oneness with the Universe or the Universe as a supreme being"
Crow: Um, wow.
Mike: Please don't tell me I'm going to have to sit through
"Siddhartha".
> are common, we are being told that "we stand on the precipice of a quantum leap
> forward on both a biological and spiritual level." Man is or is becoming
> God...etc. 3,13.
Tom: You know, maybe these numbers are signals from the aliens!
Mike & Crow: Huh?
Tom: Yeah, we've seen these before in other Alien rants, so maybe
they're trying to signal something to us.
Crow: You might wanna do it now, Mike.
Mike: Okay.
<Mike reachs over and switches off Tom's logic sensor>
Tom:
Arhaghasdoihgalkjhgaspykjgalhgapsduigypasokdjfapkslhguytqwioeruhaslkjhafga
. . . ah, there, that feels MUCH better, thanx, Mike.
Mike: No problem, now, settle down.
>
> - If man is one with the cosmos or some impersonal concept of God there cannot
> be a basis for truth or ethics. The impersonal, as such is silent about such
> things. There is no basis for saying anything is right or wrong if all is one
> with God.
Crow: Then evil is fun!
> What you are left with is total relativism or the arbitrary absolutes
> of the controllers who ever they may be. "If All is One , good and evil are
> reconciled, then one can can do nothing bad; thus Manson was only acting
> logically....the fact that Manson's followers knew him as both Satan and Christ
> highlights the collapse of distinctions between good and evil under moral
> relativity".13.
Tom: Whoa, then does this mean that Dr. Forrester really is a god?
Mike: Don't go wandering too far, Tom.
>
> - As well, finite alien creators cannot provide sufficent absolutes. You have
> the same problems as pagan polytheisium
Mike: I do?
> - the gods are too small to account for
> the creation of the universe and not good enough to provide a basis of morals
> and truth. Is abducting and raping women okay if extra-terrestials do it?
Crow: It depends, who's being abducted?
> Also,
> why all the authoritorian overtones to some of the messages? Do they really
> have our best interest in mind or is there evidence of some kind of control
> system?
Tom: We're all a part of little Trang's science fair project.
>
> - There are several alien types taking credit for the creation of man and now
> some contactees like Rael and Benjamine Cream
Mike: Coming to a Pharmacist near you.
> are claiming to be prophets of
> some messianic authority. In fact Rael is claiming to be the new final prophet
> and chosen "Messiah" of this age...chosen by a group of extra-terrestials who
> call themselves the Eloheim who told Rael that they created the human race
> through genetic engineering.
Crow: <Mephisto> And here we have my four-assed monkey!
> Rael has over 35,000 followers world wide who call
> themselves Raelians...and they wish with the Eloheim's help -to usher in a
> world government ruled by an autoritarian elite. 4.
Tom: Why haven't we ever heard of these people before?
Mike: Because the Men in Black don't want you to know!
>
> Cream is promoting another "messiah" he calls "Maytrea". Full page ads in
> newspapers around the world has announced that this world teacher is in the
> world to-day.
Crow: How'd that ever slip past the editor's desk?
Tom: Maybe Cream and Rael control the newpapers as well! <Screams>
We're all doomed! He controls the newspapers and tv and very soon the
entire world!
Mike: Calm down, Tom! I think we'd better get outta here.
<M&TB leave the theater>
<*...1...2...3...4...5...6>
<Mike, Tom, and Crow are standing around the table.>
Tom: It's all hopeless! The world's going to end and there's nothing
we can do! We can't tell anyone, we can't put it in the newspapers,
because the Raeliens control everything!
Crow: Tom! SHUT UP! You're the only one going nuts here! Mike,
what's wrong with him?
Mike: It's his logic sensors. I thought that I had fixed them earlier,
but this rant is doing a number on them.
Tom: Oh no! The numbers again! Somebody stop them!
Mike: I don't know what to do, Tom! All we can do is wait this thing
out.
Tom: Please, just disconnect me now! Rip out my battery while you
still have the time!
Mike: I'm not going to commit Roboticide! And I'm not going to let you
do it either.
Crow: Oooh! Oooh! Can I do it?
Mike: You be quiet. Now, Tom, listen to me again. This rant is NOT
real! It's all fake! Someone had way to much time on their hands. Can
you remember that?
Tom: I think so.
Mike: Can you control your sanity through the rest of this?
Tom: I'll try.
Mike: Well, I guess that'll hafta do for now. Now, let's go face our
destiny!
<Commercial Sign flashes>
Mike: Right after this word from our psychic!
<Mike hits the button>
<Commercials>