MiSTed: James Cameron A Go-Go (2/3)
Roland Warner
[Mike is cradling Tom in his arms, sobbing quietly to himself while
Crow munches another Funder-egg. The capsule for the egg is laying on
the desk with the pieces strewn across the counter.]
Mike: [sniffs] Poor Servo, he was so young! Why couldn't we be more
like "Red Dwarf" and have more convenient plot devices, maybe we
could've saved his life! Or more like "Voyager" and find a
convenient alien we could steal from and claim the moral high
ground at the same time?
Crow: Mike, you *do* realize you just wished us to be like "Voyager",
right?
Mike: I know, I'm sorry. I'm just overcome with grief! Why, oh,
*why* did we sell Tom's last head to a bot builder on eBay?
Crow: We needed the money for more Funder-eggs. These things are more
addictive than coffee! Besides, it was his idea to sell it in
the first place.
Mike: You're right! [Tosses Tom to the side.] So, what've you got
there?
Crow: Ah, just some crazy "Gumball Machine" Funder-egg thing. Funny,
it looks just like Servo's head on the diagram.
Mike: [Examines the instructions] Yeah, it'd be nice if we could use
this and - [Gasp, like you didn't see this coming] Crow! We can
use this Funder-egg toy and rebuild Tom's head! All we need are
six more eggs with different parts to create the same object!
Crow: [Examines head - it's *really* small] I, uh, I hate to point
this out, Nelson, but this thing is *way* too tiny to be Tom's
head. Unless you want him sounding like Alvin the Chipmunk.
Mike: Oh. [pause] Hey, we still have that compressed air pump, right?
Crow: You mean the one left over from the New Year's Eve party? Sure.
Mike: Well, there ya go - we just inflate everything. Tom's a
standard 36 psi, so it shouldn't be a problem.
Crow: But do we really want to? I mean, it is Tom after all - not
someone important like Napoleon or Eisenhower or Thelma Todd
or...
Mike: Just start eating these eggs and I'll assemble the parts.
Crow: Can do! [Mike pops an egg into Crow's mouth, and starts
assembling the bowl.
[Yellow light flashes]
Mike: We'll be right back.
[Crow spits out a capsule.]
Crow: MUST-GET-MORE-FUNDER-EGG-CHOCOLATE! GIMME GIMME GIMME!
[Meatball Logo]
[@...%6%...^5^...&4&...#3#...~2~...!1!...*]
[Mike enters carrying Tom followed by Crow.]
Mike: How does the new head feel, Tom?
Tom: Quite good, actually! Although I still feel a bit - light
headed.
> JAMES CAMERON & THE HOLLYWOOD MATRIX
Tom: What is the MK-ULTRA?
>
> This website recieved the following E-mail on October 4th, 1999 from
> someone connected to Gavin DeBecker, the security consultant to the stars
> in Hollywood.
Crow: Wow, not even three lines into the conspiracy theory and already
he's heading back into Astronomy.
Mike: Hey, I went to junior high with a Pete Gdbinc! I wonder if
they're related?
>
> Apparently his firm ridiciously
Tom: "Ridiciously"?
Mike: Ridiculously delicious. Sort of like grape otter pops.
> claims that this website somehow a threat
> to James Cameron for simply posting a contact address on the internet.
Crow: Hmmmm, posting a person's address on the internet without their
permission - what could possibly go wrong?
> The
> address in dispute is the following;
>
> James Cameron
> XXXX Yyyyyyy Zzzzz
> Malibu, CA 90265
Tom: Hey, that V-Chip thing really works.
Crow: Aw, shucks. I was hoping to send him a letter!
Mike: What would you have said?
Crow: I would've asked what the hell is the deal with this paranoid
whack-o and his problem with Cameron?
>
> The site's webmaster had simply found this same address on a celebrity
> address contact list on the Internet about four years ago. Here's the
> message from Mr. DeBecker's firm in it's enterity;
Tom: With his permission, I'm sure.
>
> -----------------
> Received: from outmail2.pacificnet.net [207.171.0.151] by mx05 via mtad
> (2.6) with ESMTP id 681DJDPoo0075M05; Mon, 04 Oct 1999 15:14:14 GMT
> Received: from cal (pm3c-8.pacificnet.net [207.171.18.105]) by
> outmail2.pacificnet.net (8.9.3/8.9.3) with SMTP id XAA13489 for
> <t3arma...@usa.net>; Mon, 4 Oct 1999 23:17:40 -0700
> Message-ID: <001f01bf0e7b$f3264100$5a6509c0@cal>
> From: "Ryan Ross" <rr...@gdbinc.com>
> To: <t3arma...@usa.net>
Crow: Hey, it's Daniel Perez's address, I wonder if someone got his
permission to use it in this header.
Tom: He was lucky to get that screen name.
Crow: He really wanted happyflu...@usa.net, but it was already
taken.
> Subject: Celebrity Addresses
> Date: Mon, 4 Oct 1999 08:20:07 -0700
> MIME-Version: 1.0
> Content-Type: multipart/alternative;
> boundary="----=_NextPart_000_001C_01BF0E41.446CB020"
> X-Priority: 3
> X-MSMail-Priority: Normal
> X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.2106.4
> X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.72.2106.4
Mike: Mimes!
Bots: Ole'!!
>
> Dear Sir or Madam:
Crow: Or other.
Tom: Just in case you send mail to Dennis Rodman.
>
> We are a security consulting firm that handles safety and privacy issues
> for public figures.
Mike: Impressive, huh? It really attracts the babes!
> It has come to our attention that you are providing an
> inappropriate address for one of our clients. To formalize our request,
Tom: ...We're wearing tuxedoes as we write this.
> we
> would like to be certain that the Malibu address you presently list for our
> client be removed from the list and that your site only display the
> following authorized address:
Crow: James Cameron; 33 Degree Rd; Upmybutt, Uranus 33033.
>
> James Cameron
> 919 Santa Monica Boulevard
> Santa Monica, CA 90401
Mike: Ironically, this is the address for the Santa Monica Masonic
Lodge.
>
> Our client appreciates your efforts to be certain that appropriate
> addresses are printed in your directory, and that you avoid printing an
> address which may pose hazard to his safety, privacy, or well-being.
Crow: Or one where his ex-wives can come hassle him at.
> I
> realize that your cooperation will involve some effort on your part and I
> again extend our appreciation. Please contact me at our email address to
> confirm receipt and implementation of this request.
Mike: And if you don't, we'll be forced to make derogatory marks and
publicly call you "whacked-out" and a "nincompoop moron".
>
> Thank you,
>
> Ryan Ross
Mike: Ryan Ross? Really rad!
Tom: Rah-rah-rah, Ryan Ross!
Crow: Remember Ryan Ross's Raiders!
>
> Case Manager
>
> *************************Internet Email
> Confidentiality**************************
Crow: Ummmmmmmm...
Tom: Didn't work that well, did it?
> Privileged/Confidential Information may be contained in this message.
Mike: Don't worry, we'd never reveal that James Cameron is part of a
huge global conspiracy.
Tom: Yeah, or that he subscribes to "Redbook" and "Better Homes and
Gardens".
Crow: Or that he secretly writes Ranma 1/2-Babylon 5 crossover
fanfiction stories in his spare time.
All: Really!
> If
> you are not the addressee indicated in this message (or responsible for
> delivery of the message to such person), you may not copy or deliver this
> message to anyone. In such case, you should destroy this message, and
> notify us immediately.
Crow: And if you spontaneously combust, please don't write another
conspiracy theory about it
>
> ---------
>
> On the contact page the address for Lightstorm Entertainment is already
> listed. If DeBecker is worried that someone has Cameron's address, then
> millions of people already have it from my website
All: D'OH!!!
Tom: Well, so much for culpable deniability.
> from all of the
> downloads of the Terminator 3 screenplay over the last two years and
> millions of others already have it from finding it on celebrity address
> sites before I even began the Terminator 3 websites.
Crow: [Author] Since I've already spread it around, it's my right keep
doing so! Nyah!
> Therefore the address
> is already "public domain information". So it's many years way too late to
> change this fact.
Mike: This guy just loves opening all sorts of legal issues, doesn't
he?
>
> The letter goes on to say that the Malibu address be removed.
Tom: Did you have to learn the Malibu Address in school, Mike?
Mike: Yeah. It started out, "Four score and, like, seven gnarly waves
ago".
> Since
> when does a security consulting firm have the right to dictate what
> kind of address is on someone elses website, especially when it's already
> "public domain information"?
Crow: Because I said so!
>
> Now if Mr. DeBecker or his associates are trying to intimidate this website
> into silence with some sort of Gestapo tactics,
Tom: [Graham Chapman as "Mr. Bimmler"] Nein! Vas not head of
Geshtapo!
> it looks like they don't
> believe in the Constitution or Freedom of the Press.
Mike: I seem to recall their being a section of "Right to Privacy"
somewhere as well, but then again, it could've just said "Right
to Piracy".
Tom: Arrr, matey!
> But is it really
> DeBecker and his associates behind this or could it be that Cameron is now
> working on a Terminator 3 script and he somehow "feels" threatened by the
> presence of this website on the Internet because of the Terminator 3
> script?
Tom: Yeah, it's on his "threat" list, right between "Old Man
Carruthers dumping his grass clippings in my yard" and "Alien
Mason conspirators are stealing my luggage".
>
> No. Cameron would not feel threatened by this website because Daniel Perez,
> the writer of the online T3 script only wishes to keep the torch lit on the
> Terminator films until Cameron carries it again.
Crow: [JFK] The toach has been pahssed to a new generation of
Terminatahs!
Tom: At least he hasn't come up with the Arnold Schwarzenegger
Conspiracy Theory.
Mike: Don't give him any ideas, Tom.
> It's also not likely that
> Cameron would feel threatened by an address posted on the internet that's
> already been accessed by millions before it was even posted on the
> Terminator 3 websites. Cameron lives in a community that already has the
> best security and security systems in the world to keep out even the
> nuttiest stalkers and psychologically disturbed individuals.
Tom: Or even people who are convinced he's a linchpin in a worldwide
conspiracy to, uh, *ahem*!
[All whistle innocently]
> He has
> hundreds of millions of dollars he made from TITANIC to buy state of the
> art security.
Mike: He just has Jessica Alba stand vigilantly on his roof.
Tom: That's not a very good security system.
Crow: I don't think it has anything to do with security, Servo.
*grrrrrwl!*
>
> Therefore this whole issue about an address being posted on the internet is
> a completely moot point. Something doesn't add up here on the surface
> because there's something else lurking deeper in the undercurrents of the
> abyss.
Mike: It's Ed Harris and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, necking like
crazy!
>
> The real reason may very well be the alternative information on this
> website which exposes the real machinations of the
> Military/Industrial/Hollywood complex
Tom: Translation - they're making another Tom Clancy movie.
Crow: Once again, we slip into the psychosis and paranoia of
Cameron-land.
> and the manipulation of Mr. Cameron
> throughout his career by a faction of Freemasonry called the Sons of
> Belial. Maybe Cameron is being coerced into making this move because the
> information on this website is getting too close to the truth in a
> real-life version of the X-Files?
Mike: Guys, I think we just hit the key area in this whole guy's
mental landscape. An X-Files nut! FINALLY, SOMETHING MAKES
SENSE!
> Is this why DeBecker and his associates
> are being used to intimidate the author of this website? Here's the links
> to the information;
Crow: Which will come as soon as I find the colon key.
>
> The James Cameron Conspiracy Theory
All: Been there, done that, lost my virginity.
> http://www.terminator3armageddon.com/conspira/jcct1.html
Crow: I remember that one - that was the good old days, huh guys?
Tom: Yeah, just us and James Cameron.
Mike: And the Masons, and the dentists.
Tom: And don't forget the lip gloss.
Crow: Ahhh, the lip gloss!
>
> James Cameron 33rd Degree Mason
All: Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
> http://www.terminator3armageddon.com/conspira/jc33msn.html
Mike: This theory was sponsored by Microsoft Network.
>
> James Cameron, Mars & 33 Degrees
All: Been there, done that, had the operation.
> http://www.terminator3armageddon.com/conspira/jcmars33.html
Crow: Didn't we just see that?
Tom: Kind of a weak flashback.
>
> Washington: District of Cydonia
Crow: Boy, they really *are* out of touch with the public.
> http://www.terminator3armageddon.com/conspira/dcmars.html
Mike: There's a new one...
>
> The JFK Celestial Conspiracy
> http://www.terminator3armageddon.com/conspira/kndyassn.html
Crow: [Quiet voice] Oh no...
>
> StarWars Episode 19.5 The Phantom Symbolism
> http://www.terminator3armageddon.com/conspira/starwars.html
Tom: [Quiet voice] Oh god no...
>
> Leonardo DiCaprio a Freemason?
> http://www.terminator3armageddon.com/conspira/leofrmsn.html
Crow: Mike, I'm scared!
Mike: Shhh, it'll be okay, Crow. Pearl can't send us all of these
things at once.
>
> The information on this website has obviously ticked off
Crow: A guy and a couple of robots on a satellite?
> someone within the Military/Industrial/Hollywood complex
Tom: Can't get more complex than that.
> for exposing the reality of it's machinations. Anyone who reads the
> information contained in the links listed above will be taking the symbolic
> red pill in order to "tumble down the rabbit hole" like Keanu Reeves in
> "The Matrix".
Mike: Eww! I'm gonna wake up nude and bald in a puddle of goo!
Crow: Again?
> Now that that this website has mentioned Keanu Reeves, it
> wouldn't be suprising that Mr. DeBecker[maybe a Matrix agent? :-) ]
Mike: Oooh, how clever, he made a little joke and topped it off with a
smiley!
> and his
> associates will try to claim that this website supposedly a threat to Mr.
> Reeves as well. Another quote from The Matrix, which is a very deep
> symbolic allegory in itself, becomes appropiate as we move on;
All: "Whoa!"
> "Buckle your
> seat belt Dorthy because Kansas is going bye-bye".
Tom: Which originally was scripted as "All your base are belong to
us."
> You are now going to
> unplug from the real-life Matrix called the Military/Industrial/Hollywood
> complex.
Mike: Buckle your seat belts, guys. Logic is going bye-bye.
>
> Now what could have really precipitated this current chain of
> events? It may have begun when Daniel Perez went to the website of
> the Mars Society and read the speech given by Mr. Cameron.
Tom: [Perez, reading] "I'm - king - of - the - world - woo."
> Perez had
> E-mailed the contact address at the Mars Society to ask about Cameron's
> upcoming films about Mars and if the films would contain information
> regarding the anomalous objects located at Cydonia, most notably "The Face"
> and "the structures". Here is the conversation with the Mars Society
> contact;
Crow: Printed with their permission, I'm sure.
>
> -----------------
>
> QUESTIONS TO THE MARS SOCIETY
> ---------------------
Tom: [Narrator] Dear Mars Society. Is there really a conspiracy?
C'mon, you can tell me! I won't print it on my website or
anything, honest!
Crow: [Narrator] Dear Mars Society. What's Vietnam? Love, D. Perez
Mike: [Narrator] Dear Mars Society. I counted ten conspiracies in the
last James Cameron speech. I hope this is enough to win me the
grand prize trip to Cydonia.
> Subject: James Camerons Mars Film
> Date: Thu, 02 Sep 1999 05:49:33 -0400
> From: Daniel Perez <t3arma...@usa.net>
Mike: Yeah, displaying obsessive fanboyishness is a sure way to get
these Hollywood types to take you seriously.
> Organization: http://www.terminator3armageddon.com
> To: in...@marssociety.org
>
> Is there a way to ask Mr. Cameron if his Mars films will cover the area
> of Cydonia, including the anomalous objects that are there(the face and
> "city")?
Crow: "Face and the City" - The story of the four sexy women, living
in New York with Robert Z'Dar!
>
> Yours truly,
>
>
>
> Daniel Perez
> ---------------------
> MARS SOCIETY CONTACT ANSWER
> ---------------------
Tom: [Society] ALL WILL KNEEL BEFORE KODOS AND KANG, THE NEW EMPERORS
OF EARTH.
> From: Mzu...@aol.com
> Message-ID: <8b646ec2...@aol.com>
> Date: Thu, 2 Sep 1999 09:58:59 EDT
> Subject: Re: James Camerons Mars Film
> To: t3arma...@usa.net
> MIME-Version: 1.0
Crow: That's where the mime just stands there and stares at you.
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
> Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
> X-Mailer: AOL 4.0 for Windows 95 sub 14
>
> It is my impression that Mr. Cameron's films will be serious and
> scientifically accurate.
[All guffaw]
Tom: Since when?
Crow: That one statement is more science fictional than "Abyss" and
"Terminator" put together!
> I doubt that he would be interested in discussing
> the specific scenarios.
>
> MZ
> -------------------
>
> DANIEL'S RESPONSE
> ---------------
Crow: Here we go . . . I say he pulls a rabbit out if it.
> Interesting. Is this your personal opinion or the view of the Mars society
> as a whole? Are you familiar with the work of Richard C. Hoagland regarding
> the anomalies at Cydonia?
Tom: Mike, he's doing it again!
Mike: I know, wandering off the brazen path . . .
Crow: [Perez] If I keep repeating it over and over, I can *make* them
believe it!
>
> Yours truly,
>
>
>
> Daniel Perez
> -----------------
> MARS SOCIETY CONTACT RESPONSE
> -----------------
Crow: *sigh* Geez, is this what it's come to? Reduced to reading
someone else's E-Mail correspondence?
> Received: from imo-d03.mx.aol.com [205.188.157.35] by mx05 via mtad (2.6)
> with ESMTP id 628Dicoe80101M05; Fri, 03 Sep 1999 14:04:59 GMT
> Received: from Mzu...@aol.com by imo-d03.mx.aol.com (mail_out_v22.4.) id
> xHDHVgGgu_ (3924) for <t3arma...@usa.net>; Fri, 3 Sep 1999 10:04:54
> -0400 (EDT)
> From: Mzu...@aol.com
Mike: Mzubrin - for your lifestyle. Ask your doctor about it today.
> Message-ID: <b43b905f...@aol.com>
> Date: Fri, 3 Sep 1999 10:04:54 EDT
> Subject: Re: [Re: James Camerons Mars Film]
> To: t3arma...@usa.net
> MIME-Version: 1.0
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
> Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
> X-Mailer: AOL 4.0 for Windows 95 sub 14
Tom: o/` We all live in a Windows Subroutine, a Windows Subroutine,
a Windows Subroutine... o/`
>
> We are not personally affiliated with Mr. Hoagland, however, we stick to
> our own field.
Tom: And thanks to Spike Lee, every director in Hollywood gets 40
Acres and a Mule.
> We are also not in a position to divulge any details of Mr.
> Cameron's films which he may have shared with us confidentially.
>
> MZ
Crow: Hammer?
Mike: I doubt it.
> --------------
> DANIEL'S RESPONSE
> --------------
> >Mzu...@aol.com wrote:
> >We are not personally affiliated with Mr. Hoagland, however, we stick to
> >>our own field.
>
> I never said you were affiliated with him. I simply asked if the Mars
> Society is aware of his work.
Mike: And they said they "stick to their own field".
>
> >We are also not in a position to divulge any details of Mr.
> >Cameron's films which he may have shared with us confidentially.
>
> I never asked for details about Cameron's work.
Crow: Well, except for the part where he asked him about details of
his upcoming movie.
Tom: Geez, Crow - picky picky picky!
> All I asked about was the
> position of the Mars Society on the anomalies at Cydonia and whether your
> last response was your personal relfection or representative of the Mars
> Society as a whole.
Mike: [Perez] Or if the Masons *made* you say it! Well, did they?
DID THEY?!?
>
> -----------------------------------
>
> What can be interpreted from this exchange with the Mars Society contact is
> the following;
Tom: "Bing me the Martian Fish of your brother Raul".
> whenever somebody asks a person connected to the Scientific
> establishment about the anomalies at Cydonia or the existence of
> extra-terrestrial life, the replys are always the same;
>
> THEY CHANGE THE SUBJECT !!!
Crow: And of course, this guy would *never* do that!
Mike: Tell that to my chiropractor. All of his subject-changing has
given me killer whiplash!
>
> There is one person that's very much aware of this tactic.
Mike: And that person is Allison Janney, TV's "CJ" from "The West
Wing".
> Richard.
> C. Hoagland of the Enterprise Mission has encountered this numerous
> times during investigations into the inner machinations of NASA.
Tom: [Narrator] This became evident when NASA kept calling Hoagland a
moron.
> Hoagland
> has found over the course of several years that during NASA missions, there
> is amost always a set of celestial alignments honoring Ancient Egyptian
> gods as part of a symbolic ritual.
Crow: Which explains why all those pictures of Amon-Thoth are painted
on the sides of the space shuttle.
> Not only does this ritual play a part in
> NASA missions but they are also tied into major historical events as well
> as shown on the Table of Concidence on the Enterprise Mission website and
> in the JFK Celestial Conspiracy Page.
Crow: The "Table of Coincidence"?
Tom: Yeah, it's pretty amazing. Booth shot in a theater and hid
under a coffee table, while Oswald shot from a warehouse and hid
under a solid oak dining table.
>
> This same ritual symbolism was present when James Cameron gave his speech
> to the Mars Society on August 14th, 1999 at 10:20 AM Mountian Daylight
> Time(16:20 Hrs UTC)
Mike: Unlikely Table of Coincidences?
Tom: Hey, anagrams are my gimmick, Mike!
Mike: Well, you haven't done any through this entire thing.
Tom: I'm too horrified to do much of anything except riff right now.
> at the University of Colorado in Boulder. Mr. Perez had
> used the astronomy program called RedShift 3 and found the following set of
> celestial alignments.
Mike: Betelgeuse signs treaty of Tycho!
Crow: Tattooine endorses Powell as Secretary of State!
Tom: Vulcan Marching Band forms words LIVE LONG AND PROSPER! BEAT
BAJOR!
>
> The rest of the page regarding Cameron's speech shows alignments which took
> place at Cydonia and the Face on Mars, two areas that Cameron had
> indirectly dismissed in his Mars Society speech.
[Pause]
Crow: Um, okay...
Mike: It must be too secret for us to be exposed to.
Tom: [Narrator] Or maybe he could've been dismissing "Point Break", I
wasn't sure.
>
> There was only one reason why Cameron dismissed these anomalies on Mars; he
> is once again being manipulated by the Sons of Belial Faction of
> Freemasonry.
Mike: You know, Cameron has got to stop being such a wussy boy.
Crow: Yeah, all these covert organizations keep trying to manipulate
him. Why can't they pick a different director to screw with for
more variety?
> Could it be that this same faction could be trying to silence
> the truth on this website? There would need to be a way to prove it and
> that proof is the timing of the E-mail message from Gavin DeBeckers
> Investigative Agency.
Crow: [Author] It arrived *before* I wrote this! See?!? See?!?
>
> --------------------
>
> Received: from outmail2.pacificnet.net [207.171.0.151] by mx05 via mtad
> (2.6) with ESMTP id 681DJDPoo0075M05; Mon, 04 Oct 1999 15:14:14 GMT
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> outmail2.pacificnet.net (8.9.3/8.9.3) with SMTP id XAA13489 for
> <t3arma...@usa.net>; Mon, 4 Oct 1999 23:17:40 -0700
Crow: I hear if you play this part backward, it says Paul is dead.
> Message-ID: <001f01bf0e7b$f3264100$5a6509c0@cal>
> From: "Ryan Ross" <rr...@gdbinc.com>
> To: <t3arma...@usa.net>
> Subject: Celebrity Addresses
Crow: Oooh, the conspiracy!
Tom: Oooh, the intrigue!
Mike: Oooh, my stomach!
> Date: Mon, 4 Oct 1999 08:20:07 -0700
> MIME-Version: 1.0
> Content-Type: multipart/alternative;
> boundary="----=_NextPart_000_001C_01BF0E41.446CB020"
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>
> ---------------------
Mike: Well, that was helpful.
Crow: Yes I understand much more clearly now.
Tom: You do?
Crow: Yes. I understand what CRAP is!
>
> As you can see from the Date Heading on the E-mail message, it was sent at
> 8:20 AM Pacific Daylight Time or 15:20 Universal Time on October 4th, 1999.
Tom: [sputtering indignantly] Well, why did you quote the rest of the
header then? In what bizarro world is that considered
necessary!
Crow: So why *does* this guy hate us, Mike?
Mike: Maybe he thinks we're Masons.
> At the time the E-mail was sent from DeBecker's offices in Los Angeles,
> California, there was peculiar alignment.
Crow: [muttering] There's something else peculiar here, too!
Mike: I'm sure Mr. DeBecker was carefully watching the alignment of
the stars while he pressed the "Send" button.
>
> The star known as EQ Pegasi was located at 19.5 Degrees below the NorthWest
> Horizon while Comet Encke
Mike: [Jimmy Durante] En-cke-Dinka-Dee, a dinka-doo, a dinka-dee!
> was located at 39 Degrees(19.5 *2) below the same
> horizon. The constellation Pegasus represents the mythical winged horse by
> the same name. In ancient cultures, Pegasus symbolizes Death.
Crow: In others, it merely represents the threat of falling horse
poop.
> 19.5 Degrees
> is the most important number in Hyperdimensional Physics. Comet Encke, the
> lead object of the Taurid Meteor stream, with an orbital period of 3.3
> years(symbolic of the Masonic 33 degrees) is a harbinger of change and is
> an important part of the Ancient Egyptian/Masonic symbolism tied into NASA
> missions and other events.
Tom: [Narrator] As well as the Shriner's BBQ chicken cook-out!
> The alignment also took place under the Western
> Horizon and in ancient cultures such as the Egyptians, West symbolized
> death.
Tom: Roy Rogers - Angel of Death!
Mike: Gee, all this talk of death has made me really depressed, let's
get out of here, guys.
[Mike picks up Tom and follows Crow out of the theater.]
[@...%6%...^5^...&4&...#3#...~2~...!1!...*]
[A computer is sitting on the desk, with Crow at it, typing away as
best he can.]
Crow: [Narrating as he types] "And in conclusion, Mr. Perez, you need
to leave poor Mr. Cameron alone. Sure, he's made numerous
horrible movie blunders, like "Point Break" and "The Abyss", but
isn't there a better director to take aim at? Next time, try
Roman Polanski - or Joel Schumacher. I hear they're trying to
take over the world by reinventing the wheel! Sincerely, Crow T.
Robot." [Moving his arm] Okay, now to hit the "Send" button.
Jimmy: [Off screen] WAIT!
Crow: What the - what do you guys want?
[CF - Everyone's sitting at the table, chowing down on the feast.
Jimmy's staring at the camera, BBQ sauce all over his mouth.]
Jimmy: You can't send that yet! Cydonia isn't at 19.5 degrees above
the horizon yet, and it could mean total disaster! You need to
wait a few minutes, so Encke aligns with Pegasus.
Mark: Yeah, and make sure you don't send it three minutes later
either, that's when Uranus is at it's highest peak and Pluto is
at it's lowest. I remember my cousin Joey once sent a letter to
his mom at that moment and boom, Clinton was elected.
Will: That's nothing! I knew a guy who went on a date while Mars
aligned with Venus.
Kev: [does spit take] What?!? The FOOL!
Will: I know, I know, but he was young and he wouldn't listen.
Jimmy: So what happened to him?
Will: *sigh* He - he wound up married to her with three kids living in
a trailer somewhere in New Jersey.
[All shudder]
Kev: Yeah, and don't forget that Leo was in the lower house of Jupiter
when Captain Janeway took the ship...
Mark: [heatedly] Look, will you just forget that!
Kev: But...
Mark: But, nothing! We don't have time to indulge your little "Star
Trek" fantasies any more!
Will: He's right, Kev, it just makes us look silly.
[All nod, their fez tassles bobbling]
[SoL]
Crow: Yyyyyyeah. Look, this is all slightly interesting and all,
but...
[CF]
Will: Don't ya see what we're trying to say?!?
[SoL]
Crow: Ummmmmmm - no, not really.
[CF]
Jimmy: We're trying to warn you - be very careful when you send that
message! It could mean a world of hurt if you don't do it at
the right time!
Pat: [Mouth full] Hey guys - we gonna talk about stuff we don't
understand, or are we gonna scarf some barbeque?
[Pause]
All: [variously] Yeah, you're right - pass the hot sauce - don't
bogart that cole slaw - get the ancient powers aligned with this
potato salad!
[Everyone turns back to their food and begins eating again.]
[SoL]
Crow: Huh. Ah, who believes that hooey anyway? [Crow moves the mouse
and clicks] There, sent!
[Lights flash, alarms, etc.]
Crow: OH NO, THEY WERE RIGHT!!!! WE GOT CAMERON CONSPIRACY SIGN!!
Jim: [Offscreen] I warned you!