MiSTing Slick in: "Off-Road Brawl" (3/3)

[Tjats]

>Fiona: "How do we stop him? He's huge as that mean ol' bull we had at our
anual rodeo last month!

Mike and the bots are asleep. We hear snoring sounds.

>Come to think of it, Sum's the one who beat him!"

Servo[waking up]: Huh? Beat who? Oh. Hey, Mike!
Servo hits Mike with his head. Mike wakes up.
Mike: Oh, jeez. Did we fall asleep?
Servo: Sure did, Mike.
Mike wakes Crow and Gypsy up.

>The Jeep continues down the road, passing a sign reading WATCH OUT FOR
>SNAKES!

Servo: Hey!
Crow: Why is a bad story quoting a bad movie?
Mike: Huh?
Servo: Forget it, Mike.

>Sumdumguy is walking in the desert, still carying the bomb.
>Sumdumguy: "Almost there! I can see the panicked look on their faces even
now! Hahaha!"

Mike: I though this was a story, but it's in script form.
Gypsy: Allow me to quote "You shouldd really just relax."
Crow: Hey! That's a good one! Where did you hear it?
Gypsy: I can't remember.

>Meenwhile, Slick is under the Jeep's hood. Fiona is ticked, sitting in the
>paesnger seat.

Servo: If she doesn't want to be in the front seat, put her in the back!
Crow: Yeah, Slick! What's wrong with you?

>Fiona: "I thought you said 'It's got it where it counts'?"

Gypsy: So now she's quoting a bad movie quoting a good movie that Slick
doesn't like.
Mike: Yup.

>Slick: "If I knew cops put speed bumps on desert roads, I would have slowed
>down!"

Crow: Huh? This story has several bad plot devices.

>Slick hits his head on the hood.
>Slick: "Ouch!"
>After a few minutes, Slick slams the hood shut.

Mike: On his head.

>Slick: "That should do it!"

Servo: Hitting my head on it really did the trick!"

>Fiona glances at the radar screen: "Well, I hope so! Sum's gonna blow up
>Salsbury Gultch!"
>Slick: "Huh?"
>Fiona points to the radar screen. It shows a red dot on the bottom, and
yellow >buildings at the top.
>Fiona: "That's where he's headed!"

Crow: By just looking at yellow on a rada screen, she can determine exactly
which town it is.

>Slick: "How many people live there?"
>Fiona: "Um...let's see... twelve."

Crow: TWELVE? JUST TWELVE?!? WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING, YOU STUPID
WRITER? DIE ND GO DOWN TO THE ETERNAL DEPTHS OF-
Mike: CROW!
Crow: Sorry, Mike.

>Slick: "I guess that's as populated as you can get out here!"
>Fiona: "You better bileve it, Nick!"
>Slick: "It's just Slick"

Mike: Why is it *just* Slick? She never said Slick, she said Nick!
Servo: The writer should have included a waka-chi-waka.
Crow and Servo start making the Mitchell waka-chi-waka sound.

>Fiona: "Slick, thee monitor's bleepin'!"

Gypsy: It's swearing?

>Slick: "We've got to be close!"
>Slick spots a small pink blob in the distance.
>Slick: "There he is!"

Crow: Or maybe it's the Kool-Aid guy advertising the new Pink-Refresher
flavor.

>Slick stopps the car and hops out.

Mike: All this hopping, are they kangaroos?

>Slick runs toward Sumdumguy with anger in his heart.

Servo: Why?

>Slick attacks Sumdumguy and takes the bomb from him.

Mike: And the story is over with just one sentence.

>Slick: "Now, let's see how this thing works."

Crow[dumb]: Okay, now this button turns it off, and this button blows me up.

>Slick turns it over and on the back there is a sticker saying: McDONNEL'S
>ROACH BOMB. "STOPS 'EM DEAD."
>Slick: "oh."
>Sumdumguy is furious: "I was going home to plant that bomb in the walls. I
>have a major roach infestation.

Gypsy: Oh! Now I understand...I think.

>But then you come and try to kill me! You will die!"
>Sumdumguy charges at Slick, picks him up, and breaks him in two on his knee.
>Sum walks off, leaving the buzards to eat away at Slick's body.

Mike: Wow!
Crow: I can't bileve he would write a story like this!
Servo: The good guy actualy dies!
Gypsy: I think it was too violent.
silence
Servo[to Mike and Crow]: Women.

they leave the theater

1...2...3...4...5...6...

Mike and Gypsy are on the bridge.

Mike: So, Gypsy. How did you llike it?
Gypsy: It was pretty bad, Mike. I don't know if I'll want to do another one.
Mike: It's okay, Gyps. You can try again some other time. You'll always be
welcome in the theater.
Gypsy: Thanks, Mike. Say, where's Crow and Servo?

BOOM!
Smoke fills the bridge and Mike tries to fan it away. When it clears, Crow and
Servo are standing to the far right of the counter wearing black belts and
looking down at the counter. There is a charred hole in it.

Servo[to Crow]: Haha! We really showed those roaches who's boss, didn't we
Crow?
Crow: That's right, Servo! They'll never be a threat to us again!....not that
they were before, anyway.
Servo: Uh, yeah! That's right!

A red alert flashes on the bridge.

Mike: Sounds like the nanite alarm!

Mike pulls over the nanite viewer.

Mike: Nanites, what's going on? Is everything okay?

Through the viewer, the nanite world is destroyed. Ned the Nanite enters,
coughing.

Ned: Mike! What did you do? There was a huge explosion, and billions of
nanites cried out and suddenly were silenced! Oh, the humanity!

SOL

Mike[to Servo and Crow]: Look what you did! You killed billions and billions
of nanites!
Crow[crying]: I'm sorry, Mike. I didn't mean to!
Servo[crying]: Yeah! We're sorry!

Mads' sign

Mike: Look, I'm going to take this call from Pearl, then I'm going to see what
I'm going to do with you two!

CASTLE FORRISTER
Pearl and Observer are lying on top of dozzens of boxes, tired from all the
unpacking.

Pearl: Oh, boy. Brain Guy?
Observer: Yes, madam?
Pearl: Where did I get all this stuff?
Observer: I don't know. It just appeared...

Bobo enters.

Bobo: Oh, goodie! All my stuff from the year 2525 just arived!

He starts to open up on of the boxes Pearl and Observer are lying on. Pearl
and Observer look at him with utter hatred.

Pearl: Brain Guy? Could you do a teensy weensy favor for me and eliminate
Bobo from this universe?
Observer: Yes, ma'am.

Observer gets up and walks toward Bobo. He does that sound with his mind, and
the camera cuts to black. We hear:

Bobo: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

(love theme)

Written by: Jim Whaley
Story/Comic Book written by: Jim Whaley
MST3K created by: Joel Hodgson
all characters are trademarked by Best Brains, Inc.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Complaints?
e-mail Tj...@aol.com
also, ckeck out my website at
http://members.aol.com/tjats/tjats

1998 by Jim Whaley