Misting: A New Message to the World
Suzanne ª Schroeder
>Subject: A new message to the world
>From: Machiavelli
Crow: Splash him on and wear him everywhere!
>Date: 23 Sep 1995 03:45:47 GMT
Mike: Gooey Mouth Tarts?
Tom: Grease Monkey Tools?
Crow: Gross! Mikeıs Toejam!
>Just to make everyone think a little more.
Mike: ...weıre playing Tiddlywinks.
>Why are we approaching the year 2000.
Tom: So we can party like its 1999?
>Where does the number come from?? Do
>we know or do we just think.
Crow: I think not...
> Did you know that in Banff, Alberta there are old concrete foundations all
>over the place.
Tom: They were trying to recreate the ambience of Austin.
>THe story goes that it was an old mining town. Another
>story says that someone found a Hot springs later, or before?
Mike: That is when research comes in handy.
> any studies,
>any facts?? The national parks is a Federal institution and the French
>THINK that that is a good thing. Well it isn't, it is a complete
>distraction to what is actually going on. Ever
>watch star trek??
Tom: Do you mean that French miners loaded up onto a crappy
special effect and got canceled before its five year mission ended?
> Do you believe in other life forms???
Tom: Only if they believe in themselves.
>What if a UFO
>crashed on earth exactly 1995 years ago?? hmmmmmmmmmmmm
Mike: Sorry. I just had a craving for Twizzlers. Back to our story.
>I am talking about
>crimes against humanity here.
Crow: Iım guessing the aliensı insurance didnıt cover the damage.
>Not crimes against the english, not the crimes
>against the french, the whole bunch of us for *$#@$@ sakes.
Tom: Oh, well, it would have been a good theory on why the
French are so rude.
> The french in Canada are Blind as bats,
Mike: So, thatıs what that smell was.
>they can't see what is right in
>front of them. THey think its filling there pockets. Well, I propose a
>theory of life.
Tom: Weıve all got one hand in our pocket and the other hailinga taxi
cab?
> Life is energy, we need energy to grow to survive to
>continue to live. It is all one force. (OR IS IT????)
Crow: I donıt know. Morrisseyıs hair has a life force of itıs own.
> The people in Banff are making so much cash of the tourists it is
>absolutly sick.
Mike: Slap the name Disney World on it and it becomes OK.
>Drugs, not to suggest that anyone deals them,
Crow: They just go to Greatful Dead concerts and inhale the air.
>is a complete
>interference to the real truth, people think that if someone buys them a
>nice car or truck it is because they are nice, or smart.
Tom: Or just plain stupid.
>That is a scam too.
Mike: So, is that what theyıre doing on infomercials? Giving away cars
for free?
>The drugs you take interfere with your thought processes.
Tom: They make you ramble incoherently and name yourself after a cologne.
>Get this,
>maby they don't interfere, but they make it so that your thoughts can be
>interfered with. Or not interfered with. But actually read.
Crow: Every bottle of Nyquil contains cough suppressant and a microchip
transmitter.
Tom: I donıt get it. Can our thoughts be interfered with, or can they
be read?
>Reading minds
>we are talking.
Mike: Are we Yoda now?
Tom: Beat are heads we will on the wall, no?
>Who would know how to do this???
Crow: Bill Gates?
>well I cannot,
Mike: (grovelly voice) Luke, join me you will in collctive sigh....
>but I bet
>we are getting pretty close to that technology,
Tom: Every time they release a new version of Nintendo, weirdos
come out of the woodwork.
> well I am giving the
>political theory for you. (you heard it first from me)
> Now WHAT DO I WANT,
Crow: I know that you need a long rest.
>if someone infringes my rights, or anyone elses,
>they are essentially giving up their natural rights, Aren't they???
Mike: The Federalist papers?!?!
>It is
>illegal following natural Law. You cannot lead people to think things that
>are not based on justifiable true belief.
Tom: Thatıs why new Coke flopped.
> Cretien, I plea to you to
>dissolve the National Parks Act,
Mike: The original Shakespearean quote from his version
of a message to the world.
>use a War Measures Act to clean out the
>immigrants, most of whom are coming from countries that have no problems.
>There is a woman from California living in a beautiful house in Banff. I
>WANT TO KNOW WHY IN HELL.
Mike: I heard that hell has a reasonable price range. Itıs not as
classy as pergatory, but still...
> I mean come on here. Stop filling your own pockets and realize what is
>really going on here.
Crow: Depends on what theyıre filling their pockets with.
> Ever been to Germany, (me neither).
Mike: (BA-BOOM-CRASH) Thank you and enjoy the buffet!
>Lake Louise is next by the way.
Tom: Geez, this has the clarity of a Godard film.
> come on, I thought you guys are supposed to
>be politicians.
Crow: Exactly. Whatıs your point?
> The families in town go back over 100 years, at least
>some of them,
Tom: Obviously they need better genealogists.
>so why the heck do they get such nice houses and good jobs in
>town. i.e. public service jobs. This is just disguising you from the
>reality. I am talking about crimes against the earth.
Mike: The Earth has agreed to drop all charges, though.
>Sounds crazy??
Tom: What? You crazy? Never.
> maby not so crazy hey? by the way, I heard that there was a study on
>how you can create scizophrenia in rats.
Mike: Stick them with my ex-roommate.
>You give them there food totally irregularilly.
Tom: How do you explain mental hospitals? The patients
get their food at the same time of day. They should be cured by now.
>Sound familiar. That is like my paychecks in this dumb
>country. You looking to do something in your life??? well do it. JUST DO
>IT!!!
Mike: Nike!
> put em on trial. whatever. i want $#@#@# cameras at the trial.
Crow: O.J. The next Generation.
>There
>have been two world wars while people have been living happily, quietly in
>The banff area. The only drawings and sketches are of the miners.
Tom: Well, of course there are a lot of them since the people are so
talented
with charcoal drawings!
Crow: Feel free to stop at anytime...
>what
>about the mine employees??
Tom: Thatıs the same thing isnıt it?
>There is still huge piles of coal right below
>Lake Minnewanka. I want the truth.
Mike: TrustNo.1.
>I demand it and the world wants to know
>what the #%$#$ is going on. Violence is bad right????
Crow: I guess for the ones on the receiving end of it.
> Do you deny it just
>because you can't control your temper because you drink so much alcohol and
>smoke drugs?? or blow them up your nose???
Tom: So, wait, youıre saying that their violent tempers are causing Star
Trek characters to invade the Banff mines with charcoal drawings?
> Do you like your control over
>the media???
Mike: (high pitch voice) Sure, we all do!
>You are merely set up to distract us from the real truth.
Crow: That blue M&Ms were a mistake.
> For the sake of God, take away your false political patronages and
>focus on the task at hand. There is so much $$$$$$$$$$ coming into Banff
>right now. Trust me. I am in it.
Tom: So, youıre that guy Iıve been hearing about who is continually
seen rolling naked in money vaults!
>it is busy. I have been here for much of
>my life and it has never been this busy.
Crow: Since the strip clubs came, my life hasnıt been the same!
> I don't mean the mellissa's road
>race either.
Mike: Or the Boy Racer.
>And for god sakes I hope you watch the net.
Tom: Thatıs the solution: Stare at fishing nets.
Crow: Or, maybe he means fishnet stockings...
Mike: Drag comes to Banff!
>There is 8000
>people in the race. 15 years ago there were 80. wow!!! OK people are
>getting in better shape.
Mike: I guess the point is that aliens have caused Banff residents to
join
the Cowtown Marathon.
>I think, uh duh maybe. hmmm
Tom: (Homer Simpson voice) potato chips. Mmmmm.