[MiSTing] Schlock Treatment [3/3]
JMShearer
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
[Waiting Room. Mike and the Bots stand at conrtol pannel, with closed
hexfield in background]
MIKE: This is getting pretty bad. You guys think a song or something
will
cheer us up?
CROW: This is way worse than anything a song can cure, Mike.
SERVO: There are only a few things that can cheer us up now, my friend.
And
since the author isn't going to keel over any time soon...
GYPSY:[off screen] Call coming in on the hexfield!
[Mike and the Bots turn to look as hexfield opens to reveal Drake
Mallard
with a party scene in the background]
MIKE: Hey, look! It's Drake Mallard, the alter ego of the "hero" in
today's
story!
CROW: What's up, man?
DRAKE: I'm throwing a party in honor of Gizmoduck's leaving St.
Cannard.
You guys are free to come if you'd like.
MIKE: I have a feeling we'll need a party when we're done with today's
experiment. It's a fanfic about you and Gizmoduck working together.
DRAKE: That bad, huh?
MIKE: Worse, actually. The author made you look like a bumbling fool.
CROW: With a drinking problem, to boot.
SERVO: Which would be no supprise, really, as you seem to be related to
Donald Duck, considering all the terrible luck you had.
DRAKE:[visibly disturbed by the news] Do I at least get to beat the bad
guy
in the end?
MIKE: We're hoping you do. We're not that far yet.
SERVO: But given the nature of the story and the author, I wouldn't
count on
it.
CROW: There's still hope, though.
MIKE: So, keep that party going. I have a feeling we're all going to
need
it before the day is done.
DRAKE:[ready to cry] OK. I'll do the best I can.
[hexfield closes. Mike and the Bots turn away]
MIKE: Man, it really bums me out when we have to do things like that.
SERVO:[comforting] Me, too, Mike. Me, too.
MIKE: Thanks, Tom. [buzzers and lights go off] Back at it, I guess.
[all enter theater]
[6...5...4...3...2...1...theater]
>(the two drive off their seperate ways, Gizmoduck heres an Alarm ringing)
SERVO: Where does he an alarm ringing?
CROW: Better yet, *how* does he hear the alarm ringing?
>
>Gizmoduck: that sounds like the Distinguishing Ringing of a Bank alarm, The
>St. Canard National Bank must be violated......
CROW:[Gizmoduck] And I'm just the man for the job!
>TO THE RES-CUUUE!!
MIKE:[Gizmoduck] Of all the money in the safe!
>
>(wheels to the St. Canard bank, only to find that Megavolt and Wattson are
>standing outside)
>
>Megavolt: Hah, I fooled you with my Plan, that Ringing was Imitated by
>little
>Wattson, over here
CROW: my Grammer was So Bad that the Police couldn't catch me neither.
MIKE: Are you doing that intentionally, Crow?
CROW: wHat?
MIKE: Talking funny.
CROW: i Am not......
MIKE: You are... oh, forget it.
>
>Lil Wattson: RingaRingaRingaRinga............
SERVO:[Watson] My neckaneckaneckanecka...
>
>Megavolt: Ok, cut it out..........
>
>Lil Wattson: Oh, 'kay, Dude...........
>
>Megavolt: Now (points his fingers out like guns) I'll be taking that
>supersuit...........
>
>Gizmoduck: You can beat me to a pulp, you may Destroy my very being, but
>Strip me of my Gizmosuit, and I will stand Before you.....
>
>Lil Wattson: Nekkid.......?
CROW: new Kid?
SERVO: I think the story's affecting him, Mike. Most of the characters
talk
this way, too.
MIKE: Could be.
>
>Gizmoduck: Shut up...........
>
>(Gizmoduck rushes toward Megavolt, but Wattson Shimmies up the suit, and
>Shines himself Brightly under Giz's vizor, While Temporarily blinded,
>Megavolt Zaps him, and the Fission causes the suit to fly off into
>Megavolt's
>arms)
>
MIKE: I don't think so! Fission on that scale would have vaporized
everything in a hundred miles of the area.
CROW: yes iT would haVe, mike.
>Megavolt: Well, Here's a concept i Hadn't thought of, I KNOW KNOW THE
>IDENTITY OF GIZMODUCK!!
>
>Lil Wattson: Who is?
SERVO: Who is what?
>
>Megavolt: The Identity of Gizmoduck is............ Uh, Who are you?
>
>Fenton: Uh, I won't tell you.........
MIKE: My God! One of 'em just showed some intellegence!
>
>Megavolt: Awh, Come on, PLEASSE!?!?
>
>Fenton: No.... Much rather, i'll go and flee for my life, now....
>(Runs off)
>
CROW: good iDea! [tries to leave again]
MIKE: Hold it! [holds Crow back] We'll fix you *after* the torture is
over.
>Lil Wattson: Well, Forget him, We got what we came for, and Schtuff....
>
>Megavolt: HAHAHA!! I got the Gizmosuit...... uh, Now what?
SERVO: Great. The villan can't even remember his own plan.
>
>Lil Wattson: Well, I may just be spittin' in the wind here, Dude, but you
>could try, I dunno, DESTROYING ST. CANARD!!!
>
>Megavolt: Hm, Not a bad Idea, Not that i'm one to toot my own horn.....
>
CROW: he Toots, all right.
MIKE: I hope Gypsy can fix this.
SERVO: Me, too.
CROW: im Not talking fuNny, i tells you!
>Lil Wattson: Shut up..........
>
>.............At Drake mallards house, a few weeks later, at night.......
>
>(Gosalyn, Honker, Launchpad, Drake, and a Forlorn Fenton sit in front of
>the >TV)
>
>(on TV)
>Brak: Heey, Zorak, you know what?
>Zorak: What.........?
>Brak: THAT'S WHAT!! HAHAHAHAHAHA- (interrupted by news broadcast)
>Reporter: NEWSFLASH!!! Gizmoduck has gone insane, The Former "Plug-in,
>Recharge >for 1 hour" Hero of millions has gone on a crime spree,
>Litterally Knocking >over Hardware stores and stealing Extention cords....
>
>Launchpad: But-
SERVO:...head! I'm a...
MIKE: Now, Tom, just because Crow's malfunctioning is no reason to
start
acting like him.
>
>Drake: *Shht..........* i'm trying to watch this, Hehehe.........
>
>Reporter: one of our Stupides-Uh, Bravest Camera men captured this
> >footage......
>
>(shows Black & White ameteur camera filming)
>Megavolt: (Wearing gizmosuit) Oh, I love this so much (pushes a hardware
>store >on it's Side) BOOM!! HAHAHA!! you go down........
SERVO: I wish that would happen to this author.
MIKE: We're all agreed on that one.
>
>Drake: Gizmoduck, on a mad crime spree? Why, that's awful...... *Hehehehe*
>
SERVO: Read this story and say that!
>Launchpad: But..........
>
>Fenton: What may I ask is so funny, Drakie..?
>
>Drake: Uh, Nothing, Just something I saw on a campy, little Disney Cartoon
> >series, Ut, look at the time, I'd better go pick up my dry
>cleaning.......
>(walks out the Front door)
>
>Launchpad: But, but.....
>
SERVO: Launchpad seems to like butts in this outing.
CROW: lemmon AlerT!
>Fenton: (Grabs Launchpad by the scarf, Drags him to the basement) A moment
>of >your time, please..........
MIKE: Oh, God, no! Please don't let them be right!
>
>gosalyn: Adults are So Weird.......
>
>honker: Well, Uh, I'd argue on th-
>
>Gosalyn: Quiet, Brak's gonna sing a song......
ALL: NO!
>
>....In the basement....
CROW: Are we Saved, Mike?
MIKE: We can only hope so.
>
>Launchpad: Waitaminnite, Why have you gone all crime crazy now?
>
>Fenton: It's not me, Megavolt stole my gizmosuit, He plans to destroy St.
> >Canard by plugging it into the City power.....
>
>Launchpad: Oh, Well, how can we be sure YOU Aren't gonna do this, Fenton
> >Crackshell, If that IS your real name...... How can I be sure you aren't
> >lying.......?
>
>Fenton: *Sigh* Scouts honor.......
>
>Launchpad: Honest Indian?
>
>Fenton: Yeah, that too.......
>
>Launchpad: Ok, I'll believe you, But
MIKE:[Launchpad, frustrated] ...why didn't you tell us sooner?
>i'd be more worried about Dra-Uh, Darkwing foiling Megavolt's plans, and
>then >destroy the suit....
>
>Fenton: Honest Honor.........
>
>Launchpad: Scouts indian?
>
>FentoN: Yeah, that too.........
>
>Launchpad: Well, We'd better get moving, We'll go to my hanger and get the
> >"Antique" Bi-plane.....
>
MIKE: D'ho! Near lemon!
>Fenton: you mean the one that can't make left turns?
>
>Lunchpad: Well, it might not be able to make left-turns, Bit it's
>ALL->RIGHT.....
>
>(Rimshot noise, Fenton and Launchpad laugh)
ALL:[groan]
>
>Launchpad: well enough with the poor jokes.
SERVO: Please.
>To THE RES-CUUE!!!
>
MIKE:[Babylon 5 telepath, to Launchpad and Fenton] Pain!
SERVO: Too bad that's what we have and not them.
MIKE: I'd like them to have it, too, though.
>..........In the middle of the St, Canard Streets......
>
>Megavolt: (Drives around in the gizmosuit, with Wattson on his Shoulder)
>Hahahah, This is great, I think I'll just commit a few petty Crimes before
>I >destroy St. Canard....
CROW: WhaT? Stealing the extention corDs wasn't pEtty?
MIKE: Well, there was the massive destruction of property while he was
doing
it...
CROW: Oh, yeah. i forgot.
>Hey, look A jeweler......
>
>Lil Wattson: We're there, Dude......
>
>(Megavolt drives over by the Jeweler but Darkwing duck appears in a puff of
> >smoke in front of the building)
>
>Darkwing: I am the terror, tht flaps in th-
>
>lil Wattson: Hey, Dark-dude, I'd like to ask you to keep from saying your
> >verse, Before, you, like embarras yourself again......
>
>Darkwing: Shut up.....
>
>Megavolt: Well, He's got a point there..........
>
>Darkwing: YOU TOO!! Grr... Now you are mine, gizmoduck......
>
>Megavolt: Gizmoduck? Where? (looks around, gets elbowed by Wattson)
>Oh, Yeah, right, Me......... Well, Citizen, i'll rip you into Pieces,
>HAH->HAAAH!!
SERVO: Oh, I see. That was supposed to be a joke.
>
>(the two get in one of those big Cartoon "inside-a-cloud" Fights, when the
>dust >clears Darkwing is tied upside-down on a lampost)
SERVO: Forgot a space and a letter.
MIKE: I could go for a lamb roast right about now, though.
>
>Megavolt: Well It was fun, Dorkwing, But now I'm off to destroy St. Canard,
> >MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
>(Drives off, Accidently leaving Wattson behind)
>
>Darkwing: Oh no! Gizmoduck's gone insane, We're all doomed!!!!
SERVO: We knew that from the beginning of the story.
>(Wattson Gives Darkwing a weird look)
>Uh, I mean Let's get Dangerous........
>(struggles to untie himself) Hm, this might take a little more time to get
> >dangerous on............
CROW: tHis has Been Dangerous since the Beginning Of the Story.
>
>.........At the St. Canard power plant...........
>
>(Megavolt takes off the suit helmet, and puts it on a table. He proceedes
>to >plug himself in, through the Suit in various places with the Extention
> >cords.....)
>
>Megavolt: This is great, Wattson (looks around) Wattson? Aw, Geez, Well,
>I'm >Just gonna end up talking to myself again.......... Well, Well, Look
>who's come >Crawling back........ Grrr......
>
>(The Bi-plane crashes through the Cieling, Launchpad, and fenton climb out)
>
SERVO: The man has no ability to use grammar or spelling, does he?
MIKE: Makes some damn good lemons, though.
>
>Fenton: You See, We would have gotten here if you took that left Turn....
MIKE: They seem to have gotten there alright...
SERVO: Either that or they're about to stop the wrong bad guy.
>
>Launchpad: You're kidding, Right?
>
>Fenton: Well, i'm not kidding Left
>(they both laugh)
>
>Megavolt: HEY!! What are you two doing here?
>
>Launchpad: We've come to stop you, you Gizmoduck imposter......
CROW: Wow! Two gramatically correct sentences in a row! I think I'm
cured!
MIKE: Good! It'll save Gypsy some trouble later.
>
>Megavolt: Well, You're too late, Man, For I will now cause a power surge
>that >will destroy all of St. Canard, MUAHAHAHA-
>
>Fenton & Launchpad: HAHAHAHA... Yeah, We know.....
SERVO: ...not what to do!
>
>(Darkwing appears in a puff of Smoke)
>
>Darkwing: Now you're Mine, Gizm- uh, Megavolt?
>
>Megavolt: Whoops, I'm not Decent....
SERVO: Nothing new there.
>(Puts on the helmet) Gizmoduck I am, I'm Gizmoduck, Gizmoduck I am
>
CROW: With green eggs and ham.
SERVO: Sam I Am.
>Darkwing: HYAH, MITSUBISHI!! (kicks the helmet of Megavolt) Well, It's
>either >Megavolt in disguise, Or, Gizmoduck is molting like Nobody's
>buisness
>
>(the helmet Flies through the air, Fenton catches it)
>
>Megavolt: Well, you may stop me, but it doesn't matter, Because SoonI WILL
> >DESTROY ST CANARD!!!
>
>Launchpad: I thoughrt we Clarified this.........
>
CROW: ...cow dung.
MIKE: Good one, Crow!
>Darkwing: Shut up......... And as for you (pulls Wattson out of his pocket,
> >points his Gun at him) one false move and the lightbulb gets it.....
>
>Lil Wattson: Belive Him, Dude, I'm Fragile............
SERVO: And all this time I thought his name was "Wattson."
>
>Megavolt: Go ahead kill him, let the little Degenerate Die with the rest of
> >you, "I" Got the Suit, And noone's gonna leave here ALIVE!!
>
MIKE: The Forresters have been saying that for years.
>Fenton: (Sneaks behind the Geneartor) *Whispering* Blatherin' Blatherskite
>(the Gizmosuit flies off Megavolt, onto Fenton)
>
>Megavolt: Aw, Crud..............
>
>Gizmoduck: The Jig is up, Electro-Feeb...... HAH-HAAAH!!
>
>Darkwing: But....
>
>Gizmoduck: (Beating up Megavolt) Take this, Take that, Eat Gizmo-power,
>FIEND!!
>
>Darkwing: But-
>
>Launchpad: Let the Superhero thwart Evil, DW, Hehehee........
CROW: ...is my...[muffled by Mike]
MIKE:[holding Crow's beak] Don't say it!
>
>....Later....
CROW:[tries to leave] Later...
MIKE:[holding Crow back] How many times do I have to ask you to *stay
here*?
>
>(the Cops take away Megavolt)
>
>Cop: Well, it seems as though it Was Megavolt impersonating you this whole
> >time.......
>
>Gizmoduck: Well, It looks like you don't need to worry about him
>anymore.......
>
>Megavolt: (Being crammed into the Squad caR) IT WASN'T ME, IT WAS THE ONE
> >ARMED MAN!!!!
>
>Lil Wattson: Oh, Sure, Blame me.....
>
>Megavolt: Shut up......
>
>cop: Well, Mr. Gizmoduck, Sir, We only have one more task you need to do
>
>Gizmoduck: Just name it.....
MIKE: Teach the author how to write!
>
>Cop: Sign, this glossy picture, For my son.....
SERVO: So, what he said was "Sign *and* this glossy picture *and* for
my
son."
CROW and MIKE: Yep.
>
>(As Gizmoduck signs, a bunch of pretty Femme Ducks crowd around him)
>
>DarkwinG: Oh Gee, how could i ever doubted that Megavolt was only
>impersonating >Gizmoduck, "HE" Wasn't surrounded by babes...........
MIKE: But then, the *real* Gizmoduck isn't surrounded by hot chicks
most of
the time, either.
>
>Gizmoduck: Hey, i'm theprotector of all that is good and Righeous, I can't
>help >it if Chicks Dig me......
CROW: ...a grave and bury me in it.
MIKE: Sounds like the author's fantasy.
SERVO: Which one?
MIKE: The women being hot for him, of course.
>
>THE END!!!
>
>Credits......
>
>Story by: Mike C.
>Scripting: Mike C.
CROW: Who failed miserably on both accounts.
>Special thanks to: Jimmy Bijon and Kim "Negaduck" McFarland
>(Me: Gee Kim, How can I get you to read my fanfiction?
>Kim: Simple, Put Darkwing in it......)
MIKE:[Kim McFarland] Oh yes, and learn how to write, too.
>also to RSmith (RPG: quackerjack & Serena) For no good reason at all....
CROW: Simply because there weren't any.
[All exit theater]
[1...2...3...4...5...6...waiting room]
[Waiting Room. Mike and the Bots are around the control pannel]
CROW: Ugh. That was a nasty trip.
SERVO: Sure was. I'm glad it's over.
MIKE: We all are. But remember, Drake Mallard invited us to that
party.
[gets out three party hats and puts one each on Servo, Crow, and
himself] I
figure that'll cheer us up a little bit. I've set the hexfield to call
Drake back in a couple seconds. Gypsy! We're ready to start! Come on
in!
[Gypsy enters, also wearing party hat. Hexfield opens to reveal an
empty
room with the remains of a wrecked party. A single balloon falls off
the
far wall.]
MIKE: Drake? You there? [no response] Gosalyn? Launchpad? [no
response]
Huh. We must have depressed them too badly earlier.
[Drake enters hexfield, looking kinda down. Notices Mike and the Bots]
DRAKE: Oh. Hi, guys. How did the story end?
MIKE: Worse than expected, even for this author.
SERVO: And that's saying something.
DRAKE: So, what happened? Was there a fight? Did I win?
MIKE: Oh, yeah. There was a fight.
CROW: But you didn't win.
SERVO: Mostly because you weren't even in it.
DRAKE: But why?
CROW: Well, Fenton did the one thing he should have done right when his
suit
was stolen. He said his "magic words," got his costume back, and
proceeded
to bust one to Megavolt without even giving you a chance.
DRAKE:[begins wimpering]
SERVO: What's worse is that everyone completely ignored you afterwords.
DRAKE:[begins crying outright]
[hexfield closes]
MIKE: Oh, good one, guys. It'll take him weeks to get over that.
CROW:[sounds down] Sorry, Mike. Now I feel worse than I did when we
left
the theater.
SERVO:[sounds down as well] Me, too. I just hope Pearl doesn't realize
what
she's got here.
CROW: You know what, Mike? You're the one that called Drake back.
You're
partly responsible for bringing him down, too!
MIKE: Yeah, I know. It really bites. [Castle Button flashes, Mike
taps]
Yes, Pearl?
[Castle Forrester. Pearl, Observer, and Bobo are in room]
PEARL: Mike, I'm having Brain Guy put this one in the files. It seems
to
have a great ripple effect.
OBSERVER: Yes, madam. It does at that. [Hands story to Bobo] Here,
put
this in the file.
BOBO: OK. [takes file and steps off screen]
PEARL: Your spirits may not be broken, but you've given me a good tool.
[Waiting Room]
MIKE: Does that mean we won't get as many experiments now?
CROW: That'd be nice.
SERVO: Yeah.
[Castle Forrester]
PEARL: Well, I guess...NOT! You'll still get as many stories and films
as
before!
[Bobo starts making noises off screen]
OBSERVER: He must have looked at the story. I'll go help him. [steps
off
screen]
PEARL:[giggles] This one's better than I thought!
[Observer and Bobo both come into scene, obviously having looked at the
story. Bobo still making funny noises]
PEARL: Gee, Brains, Monkey Boy's really locked up. What happened to
you
guys?
OBSERVER: Error! Error! Malfunction! Does not compute!
[Waiting Room]
MIKE and SERVO:[laughing histerically]
CROW:[over laughter of others and self] Now that's funny!
[Season 9 end credits]
Other credits:
MST3K and related characters copyright Best Brains, Inc. and Sci Fi
Channel.
Darkwing Duck and related characters and locations copyright Walt
Disney,
Inc.
MiST by Jesse Shearer. email contact: ambasos...@hotmail.com.
Final Fantasy 9 copyright Squaresoft, Inc.
Beavis and Butthead copyright MTV.
"You Can Call Me Al" copyright and performed by Paul Simon.
Space Ghost, Cartoon Planet, and related characters copyright
Hanna-Barbera.
Wendy's copyright Wendy's International, Inc.
AOL copyright AOL-Time Warner.
"Green Eggs and Ham" copyright Dr. Seuss
Writings of Kim McFarland copyright Kim McFarland