[MiSTing] The Pope's Bankers [Era: CHASE] [CONS, SK]
McDLT
message put out by Vast Right Winger Sherman Skolnik,
and is one of many that I have found recently at a nice
little site (find it for yourself, I like having a
monopoly on fodder like this ;-) )
Note to archiver: This windfall may warrent a new
category, either SS or SK, which can also include
"Has Bill Clinton Died?" As always, though, these
decisions are in your hand, yes that hand right there,
the one I just put the $20 in.
-------------------------------------------------------
[6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ...]
[Mike and the bots file in]
Crow: Ah yes, another victory for Nelson, Destroyer of
Worlds!
Mike: Can it, the transcript is starting.
>Skolnick COMMENTARY #001
Mike: It's Skolnick, back with a vengence, and a license to
kill!
Tom: Or at least bore.
>========================
>Hi. Sherman Skolnik,
All: Hi, Shermie!
> Citizen's Committee to Clean Up the Courts,
Crow: There must be another janatorial strike at city hall.
>9800 Oglesby.
Mike: Um, yes...
Tom: Well, ah...
Crow: I dunno.
>
>At one time the Pope owned three major banks in America:
[There are a couple of snorts before Mike and the bots break
out in wild bursts of laughter.]
Tom: I bet he's a fun guy to try to get a loan from.
> New
>York, Chicago and San Francisco.
>
>In New York,
Tom: ...the Pope opened to a booked house, and got rave
reviews.
> St. Peter's banker, Michael Saddona (sp?)
Mike: Yeah, I think "Madonna" starts with an M, has one D, and
two O's.
> ran the
>Franklin National Bank
Crow: Against a field of experienced jockeys, and therefore
came in last at the Kentucky Derby.
Tom: AHHHH!
Mike: What?
Tom: Horse racing, All The King's Horses, Marrissa!
All: AHHHHHHHHH!
> as a huge gambling device
Tom: So he turned the bank into a giant Roulette Wheel?
Mike: I guess.
> and money
>laundry.
Crow: Coin-op or dry clean?
> Result?
Tom: Piles of clean and crisply folded dollar bills, with all
that grime of daily wear and tear removed.
> The bank collapsed in 1974 and was taken over by
Crow: ...thousands of rampaging aardvarks.
Mike: Aardvarks?
>a group of European
Tom: ...beauties who began to dress in plastic, and express a
joivre de vie that was so intense that it began to turn
many off to their upbeat lyrics and message of Girl
Power. The breakup of the group was inevitable, and
began in the middle months of 1998--
Mike: What the hell are you talking about?
Tom: The Spice Girls...aren't they who this rant is about?
Mike: No, this is about Pope run banks in America, haven't you
been paying attention.
Tom: I find the process much less painful if I don't.
> banks with the Vatican
Tom: [singing] The Vatican can, yes the Vatican can.
Mike: Very odd.
> losing *part* of their
>grip.
[Mike coughs a bit, alerting the bots the the statement. They
begin to snicker].
Crow: All this new information I'm learning about the Pope.
>
>Saddona was sent to an American prison for fraudulent banking.
Tom: His accomplis was tried on three counts of money
laundering, but was found innocent. [hums Dragnet
theme].
>Later he was extradited to Italy on more charges. He began
>talking too much.
Mike: Oh yes, I hate it when people talk too much. They just
drone on and on, even after they're told to shut up.
Not me, though, when someone tells me to shut up, I shut
up. I don't keep babbling on after someone's told me to
shut up, no siree, someone says shut up and I don't say
another word.
Tom: Mike?
Mike: Yes?
Tom: Shut up.
Mike: Right-O.
> The Pope silenced him in an Italian jail --
>*murdered* with a poisoned cup of coffee.
Crow: The POPE silence him by having him killed. For some
reason I'm finding this all a bit hard to swallow.
Tom: Maybe you could wash it down with some nice coffee...
> (By the way, the same
>method they used to murder Chicago mayor Harold Washington, a
>poisoned cup of coffee,
Mike: Well, if the mayor WAS a poisoned cup of coffee, why would
another cup of it kill him?
> and replaced him with the Vatican's man
>of trust,
Tom: AGENT ACTION!
> Richie Daley.)
Crow: Yes, Richie Daley is Agent Action! on a mission for the
Pope!
Mike: We're on a mission from God.
Bots: Hit it!
>
>Saddona and his confederate successors
Tom: Why does the South get dragged into everything.
> also ran, for the Pope,
Mike: Yes, when the Pope says "run" you say "how fast!"
>the Continental Bank of Chicago. All the Catholic churches of the
>Western Hemisphere run their money through that bank.
Tom: I'm beginning to sense that this guy is Mormon.
> After all,
>the archbishop of Chicago is also the treasurer,
All: *GASP*
> for the Church,
>for all of North America, Central America and South America.
Tom: And is also minister, of putting commas, in the oddest
places.
>
>In the early 1980s, Continental Bank, through their holding
Crow: ...the World Record for underwater badminton.
>company owed some $20 billion to the Japanese, including their
>mafia, the yakusa
Mike: Gadzundheit.
Tom: Yajusa sounds like something you'd order at a sushi
restaurant.
> (sp?)
Tom: Ah, someone who will admit when he might be misspelling
something.
> who had put in slight capital.
Mike: Annapolis.
>Continental could not repay,
Tom: Sos we tooks them out back, and we dealts wit them.
> so the Japanese in May, 1984,
Crow: Oh! Oh! I know this one! That's when they attacked
Pearl Harbor, right?
Mike: Wrong month, wrong decade.
>started a run on the bank and its holding company,
[All hum Chariots of Fire]
> Continental
>Illinois. Result?
Crow: A wacky sitcom airing this month on the Dubba-Dubba-
Double-U B.
Mike: Never say "Dubba-dubba" again, please.
> A consortium of banks, headed by J.P. Morgan
Tom: I had a feeling he was in here somewhere.
>and Company, took over -- with the Pope losing *part*,
Crow: Of his grip?
> but not
>all, of his control.
>
>The Morgan banks are the front for British royalty and the Queen,
[More snorting, followed by peals of laughter]
Mike: Stop! Stop! This is too funny! I can't take much more!
>who for over 100 years always had a director sitting to supervise
Tom: Well, I'm doubting that it's CASTING he supervises, judging
from the royals recently.
>Continental. Through Continental Bank, however, the Vatican
>continued to oversee Panama's General Noriega,
Mike: And the cast of characters just keeps growing!
Crow: This is more fun than the Kevin Bacon game!
M.V.: OK, everyone gets one guess as to who else is involved.
Mike: I'll go with Hoover.
Crow: Ummm...the FBI.
Tom: I know, I know, Florida Power!
Crow: Huh?
Tom: Well, nothing else has made sense.
> and his joint,
Crow: [toked] Groooovy!
>secret business deals with George Bush.
Mike: Damn, he was my second guess!
> So, when the U.S. invaded
>Panama,
Tom: OK, so the US invaded Panama because of fradulent banking
deals that went on between the Pope and the British Royal
Family? And somehow we have drawn J.P. Morgan into all of
this, and we're supposed to believe this isn't just some
acid dream of Skolnik's?
> Noriega naturally sought refuge in the Vatican Embassy
>and branch of the Vatican Bank.
All: Naturally.
> The U.S. military used
>psychological warfare, including super hard-rock music to drive
>him out.
Crow: As if this wasn't confusing enough, let's bring Rock-
and-Roll into this whole mess!
>
>The Justice Department's record grabbers have
Tom: Grabbed records?
> descended on
>Continental Bank,
Mike: As the vulture of the Justice Department swept down on
the dying carcass of Continental Bank, being kicked on,
to no avail, by its rider, the Pope.
> seeking to destroy incriminating records that
>would put President Bush in the same jail cell
Tom: "Bubbles."
Mike: Yeah, I could see Bush wanting to avoid that situation.
> with his CIA
>business partner,
Crow: Buckwheat!
Tom: That's "Buh-whee"
> General Noriega.
Crow: Yes, General Noriega is Buh-whee in I Want My PanamaMA!
> By the way, Panama, under
>General Noriega was the only country in the Western Hemisphere
>run by a dark-skinned person.
Mike: So?
Tom: So?! Don't you see that this is a huge conspiracy by
those forces looking to end the AngloSaxon rule in the
Western Hemisphere, ironically through banks run by the
Pope, who has been a white male for almost a milennium
and a half!
> Noriega was popular with the bulk
>of those *in* Panama,
Crow: Is that a fat joke?
> who are people of color.
Tom: As opposed to, say, a nation of Albinos.
> It was only the
>small, white aristocracy *there*
Mike: AH! WHERE?
Crow: Behind us!
All: AHHH!
> that wanted him removed. They
>used the branches of
Tom: ...trees to smack him around a bit, a tactic that, despite
their planning, did not pan out.
> worldwide banks
Crow: ...laughed at their feeble attempts at caning Noriega out
of office, especially those in Singapore.
> there to skim off
Mike: ...the cream of white supremacy as it floated to the top
of the whole milk of racial integration.
> loot from
Tom: ...the last Bonnie and Clyde robbery.
>dope and
Corw: Dope and, ah, ah...PASS!
Mike: Dope...and the other dwarves backed Noriega, but their
endorsement did little to sway the white aristocracy.
> gun running.
All: BEAR!
Mike: Wow, that was a fun little sentence. I think I need to
catch my breath.
> Noriega was really just a small-time, semi-
>independent
Tom: Fox network, ties to the local ABC affiliate.
> tyrant.
>
>Helping supervise Continental Bank
Mike: Was J Edgar Hoover!
Crow: No, the FBI in general!
Tom: I'm standing by Florida Power.
> has been the Vatican's man of
>trust, Chicago federal appeals judge
Mike: Wapner!
Tom: Judy!
Crow: Mills Lane!
> Walter Cummings (sp?),
Crow: Don't worry, Mike, ain't going there.
> for
>many years also chief judge and major stockholder of the bank.
>Judge Cummings steers
Mike: ...cattle from their ranch in Texas across the border to
Oklahoma.
> cases in his court to fellow banker/judges
>-- which is most of them.
Tom: Most of who?
>
>For many years the major owners of Bank of America and their
>holding company were the Jesuits
Crow: Damn. I was going to say Jesuits, but no! I had to say
FBI!
> and the Vatican, and their long-
>time cronies, the Rothschilds (sp?).
Tom: Just a guess, but I think the only S should be at the end.
> Like Continental Bank up
>until 1984, they
Mike: ...refused to accept the death of Disco, pouring money
into remakes of Saturday Night Fever until they...
> owed tens of billions of dollars to the
Mike: ...Polyester manufacturers run cheifly by the...
> Japanese
>and the yakusa, who
Tom: Oh, wait, I know. Who were principly involved in the
comeback of John Travolta...
Crow: John Travlota! I was going to say John Travolta!
> own most of the other sizeable banks in
>California.
Mike: All the ones with over 80,000 square feet of office
space.
> In the late 1980s, Bank of America was faced with a
>run,
Tom: Yes, the Bank of America got a run in the Stockings of
Prosperity, causing it to have to retreat into the
Bathroom of Recession.
> so they have quietly given over most of the control to the
>Japanese.
Crow: It took this long to link the Pope with the Japanese?
>
>Although the Pope has lost much of the
All: GRIP!
> control of the three banks
>in America, the pontiff continues as the major owner in nuclear
>power utility firms,
Tom: Come on, come on!
> including Commonwealth Edison and Florida
>Power.
Tom: YES!
[Mike and Crow turn and stare at him]
Crow: How the HELL did you guess that?
>
>See us on Chicago cable channel 21, 9 pm Monday evening, Aug.
>23rd.
Mike: Oh! We missed it!
Bots: Damn!
>
>Play it again.
Tom: Sam.
Crow: Too easy.
> Corruption in the federal prosecutors
>office. (***) ***-****
Mike: Ah, a number to give the telemarketers!
>
>New message Sunday, we change it several times a week. Donations
>appreciated.
Tom: But not forthcoming.
>
>Citizens Committee to Clean Up the Courts
>**** South Oglesby
>Chicago, Illinois *****
Crow: Is Teddy K. still behind bars?
Mike: Crow, that's aweful!
>-----------------------------------------------------------------
Mike: I think it's over. [Picks up Tom]
>The number I called was (***) ***-****.
Crow: Yeah, but did he get the permission of his parents
or guardian?
> I have an alternate
>listing for them at (***) ***-****.
[1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ...]
Mike: Let's see what's going on down on the planet.
Crow: Not much, I suspect, oh World Slayer.
Tom: Ack, the minibus is hailing us!
----------
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This post is not affiliated with the CCCC, nor does it wish to be. It is
however tied to the Shah of Iran through a bizarre chain of coincidence and
shady dealings that should not be gone into here. Suffice it to say, the
details are rather seedy, and might shock some younger readers, especially
if they were to hear what the Shah likes to do to unwind.
Any jokes about the Shah of Iran are just that, and should not be taken
seriously--the Shah is great, long live the Shah! Signed, little girl
(not so obscure, but reworded refrence worth 2 points).
Use of Copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes
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Donuts provided by the Krispy Kreme Doughnut bakery of Winston-Salem, NC.
Well, not provided, since I shelled out $5 for them to a fund raiser who
happened to be my roommate freshman year, but they are damned good
nonetheless.
Skrimshaw is murder!
---------
>At one time the Pope owned three major banks in America: New
>York, Chicago and San Francisco.
McDLT
instead of the final, so I apologize for any grammar/spelling/logic errors
in the riffs.
--
==McDLT http://www.students.wfu.edu/thurdl01
Hot on the Hot side
Cold on the Cold side.
thur...@wfu.edu