MiSTed: Stolen Memories (5/29)
Rottweiler
TOM: Hey Mike, what exactly is anatomically correct for a
non-anthropomorphic robot?
MIKE: You'll learn that one in health class.
> He slowly came to his senses noticing one sensation at
> a time.
CROW: Julian's brain isn't capable of multitasking.
> First he noticed his back hurt and so did the back
> of his skull. Then he noticed his neck throbbed, not
> unpleasantly, but still noticeably so.
TOM: Then he noticed that he was in a bathtub full of ice and "Call 911
or
you'll die" was written on a sheet of paper taped to the wall.
> Just after he
> registered that,
MIKE: At the DMV. The line was terrible.
> he registered a weight lying upon him
CROW: Okay, ma'am. Pull this fanfic over to the curb. I'll need to see
some registration.
> pinning him to the floor and his ears picked up - contended
> purring.
TOM: One of Seigfried and Roy's tigers was lying on him.
> He opened his eyes to find Alis looking down at him
> with a very, very, very pleased look on her face.
CROW: Although the wording here is ambiguous, I suspect Alis is pleased.
> "Let's do that again," she purred,
MIKE: (Julian) Opening my eyes turns you on?
> then moved her hips,
> drawing Julian's attention to the fact they were still
> joined down there.
TOM: He learned a sad truth - Krazy Glue is NOT a good lubricant!
> He instantly came to attention within her, her purr
> increased in volume. His hands found her clothing's seals
> and he started popping them to strip her dress from her
> body.
MIKE: So Felistian fur provides NO protection from the elements?
> As she moved over him, she returned the favour turning
> their second coupling into a frantic divestment of clothing
> and eager hands exploring the differences in the species -
CROW: (Julian) Wow, you have an ammonia-based biochemistry!
> and the sex.
TOM: Yeah, the differences between this and GOOD sex!
> Julian's second orgasm was better than the first.
> His third came not so long after.
CROW: Apparently, Julian is not a Taoist.
> Recovering, after that, he came to the conclusion he
> was missing out on something here and then it came to him,
MIKE: When did it come to you, he asked knowingly, nudge nudge wink
wink?
> she was doing everything to him, but he wasn't doing
> anything back to her.
TOM: So he decided to entertain her by playing the violin.
> She kept pinning his hands to the
> floor when he tried to touch her.
CROW: (Referee) The winnah, and still champeen - ALIS!!!
> With an inward grin he
> solved that problem as her face hovered over his eyes
> gleaming,
(TOM makes Jetsons UFO sounds)
> he kissed her.
MIKE: (Julian) Woohoo! I got to first base after only three orgasms!
> She reared back looking at him
> startled.
CROW: (angry cat) Rrreooowrrr!!!
> He half sat up and wrapped his arms around her to
> bury his face in her incredibly soft fur,
TOM: Just once, I'd like to see a furry with coarse fur.
> nuzzling at her
> breasts until he found a nipple.
MIKE: Like a kitten, he had to find his personal nipple before nursing.
> As he suckled at her breasts and ran his hands up and
> down her back, she didn't try to stop him.
CROW: (Alis) Should I tell him that there's milk in the fridge?
Naaah...
> It was all so new
> and different to her.
TOM: She was used to having sex with guys who knew what they were doing.
> Julian felt her contracting around
> him, alowly falling into sync with the rhythm of his
> suckling.
MIKE: Did we take a wrong turn and end up in one of Noah Singman's
fantasies?
> Eagerly he explored the phenomenon
TOM: (singing) Phenomenon.
MIKE and CROW: do do do do do.
TOM: (singing) Phenomenon.
MIKE and CROW: do do do do do.
> changing the rhythm
> and from slow to fast,
TOM: Actually, that's tempo, not rhythm.
> the contractions speed up,
MIKE: PUSH! PUSH!
> he slowed
> down and took a deep suckle.
CROW: Then suddenly his lactose intolerance kicked in.
> She let out a caterwaul and her
> purring hit new heights.
TOM: Heh, it's funny, 'cause she's a caterwauling cat... just LAUGH!
> She contracted around him, having
> her first orgasm.
MIKE: (Alis) Oh, Simba!
> His head went back as he arched back, his
> voice joining hers as they reached the pinnacle together.
ALL: SURGE!!!
TOM: That was almost as arousing as watching Jack Klugman and Angela
Lansbury play strip poker.
> ************************
CROW: It's Red Skye's internet password.
> Julian lay on Alis's extremely soft and comfortable bed
> stark naked as was she.
TOM: Tony Stark naked?
> Over a week had passed since they
> had become lovers and he couldn't get enough of her.
MIKE: Her tuna cassarole, that is.
> With
> every passing day he learned more about pleasing her, and
> being pleased back by her in turn.
CROW: Do I please you? Do you find me pleasing?
> At that point in time, her extremely long and
> thoroughly manoeuvrable
TOM: Pat, I'd like to SELL a vowel!
> tail was sliding up and down his
> body in the most tantalising way.
MIKE: Why is it that every single anthropomorph ever written into a
story
has a prehensile tail?
CROW: Ahem.
MIKE: Yes, yes, except for the Treecats.
> He felt himself stir in
> response and rolled over.
TOM: The National Highway safety Bureau quickly issued a recall notice
to
all other owners of the '72 Julian, warning them of the danger.
> Alis looked at him then moved to
> straddle him, impaling herself
CROW: To avoid spending any more time with Julian.
> on him before lying over him
> to start nuzzling at his face.
TOM: (Julian) Ooh! Tuna breath! That's sexxxy!
> For fifteen minutes all they
> did was nuzzle, nip, kiss and lick at each other's faces.
MIKE: You know, guys, this is actually pretty cute.
CROW: Only in the sense that the "licking scene" from T2 was cute.
MIKE: I kinda liked it.
(the BOTS stare at MIKE)
MIKE: What?!?
TOM: Nelson, the more I learn about you, the less I want to know!
> They were too tired from their previous lovemaking to get up
> to anything more energetic.
CROW: And guzzling all that Nyquil hadn't helped matters.
> Alis pushed herself up then gave him a kiss so deep he
> felt as if she was buried in him the way he was buried in
> her.
TOM: This is like an X-rated Big Red commercial.
> When it broke off she pulled back to look down at him.
MIKE: (Alis) Sorry about tearing that off.
TOM: And the award for Worst Choice of Words in a Fanfic goes to...
> "What do those words you keep saying to me when you go
> to the pleasure place mean?" She asked.
CROW: Julian's pleasure place is probably the couch in front of the TV.
MIKE: Really? I'd pegged him as more of a Chuck E. Cheese kind of guy.
> Julian couldn't believe it.
TOM: (Julian) Fat free, half the calories, and all of the flavor? It's
impossible!
> "I love you," he said.
CROW: (Alis) Forget it, Julian, you're not getting my Bud Light.
> "What does it mean.. I love you?"
MIKE: It means never having to say you're sorry.
> "You don't know what love means?"
TOM: No, and I want to know what love is. I want you to show me. I
want
to feel what love is, and I know you can show--
(MIKE puts his hand on TOM's shoulder)
MIKE: That's enough, Foreigner.
> "It is not a word I can find in our language files that
> translates."
CROW: Oh wonderful, now she's Data. "Counselor, can you explain to me
this
emotion that you refer to as love? I seem to have forgotten the
explanation you've given to me in each of the last fifty
episodes."
> Julian racked his brains, then came up with a suitable
> explanation.
TOM: (Julian) Love is soft as an easy chair.
> "It means, your the only person I ever want to do this
> with."
MIKE: Ummm... no, it doesn't.
CROW: If it did, Barney's song would take on an ENTIRELY different
meaning.
> She considered that then kissed him again.
TOM: (Alis) I always thought love was a battlefield. Guess I was wrong.
> "I love you, too,"
MIKE: (Julian) Then I have my answer. I'm walking on air.
> she whispered in his ear sometime
> later as their lazy lovemaking turned urgent and passionate.
CROW: I wonder if he'll sing her to sleep after the lovin' with a song.
> Julian reached seventh heaven that day, and didn't want
> to come down ever.
TOM: But he had to attend band practice.
> While he lay wrapped in her loving embrace on the
> verge of sleep weaving fantasies about her
MIKE: (Julian) Mmmm... bathtub full of Jell-O.
> he decided this
> was where he wanted to be, forever, with her.
TOM: To heck with ever doing something productive with his life.
> What did he
> really have to look forward to otherwise.
MIKE: A calendar named after him.
CROW: And a type of fries, too. Get it?
MIKE: Bashir fries? No, I guess I don't get it.
> He had no idea
> what to do with his life.
TOM: Give it to Mikey, he'll eat anything!
MIKE: Excuse me?
TOM: Uh... never mind
> His father thought he was a
> numbskull just because he stuttered badly under stress.
CROW: Maybe he could be the next Bob Newhart.
> He'd
> never be a diplomat or a professional tennis player and he'd
> failed to find anything else that even slightly interested
> him, career wise.
MIKE: Well, other than being a towel boy in a Turkish bath house.
> Now this... interested him.
CROW: At least SOMEONE is interested.
> He knew from listening that
> Felistian Noble women had harems, that's what he wanted,
TOM: He wanted a harem? Take a number, pal.
> to
> be in Alis's harem.
MIKE: Harem, noun. 1a: a usually secluded part of a house allotted to
women in a Muslim household. 1b: the wives, concubines, female
relatives, and servants occupying a harem. 2: a group of women
associated with one man. 3: a group of females associated with
one
male. Used of polygamous animals. Nope, nothing about groups of
males here.
> He wanted to be the harem.
TOM: He wanted to be at her beck and call whenever she wanted to get
some.
> A harem of
> one.
CROW: That's the lonliest harem that you'll ever do.
> And now he was certain that Alis shared the same idea
> he did.
MIKE: The patent infringement suit is what really convinced him.
> He drifted off into sleep with a smile on his
> thoroughly satisfied with life at that time.
TOM: I think Julian may have a fine future in animal husbandry, if you
get
my drift.
> END OF "STOLEN MEMORIES" - PART ONE
> ******************************************
CROW: Please turn tape over. Please turn tape over. Please turn...
> The story "Stolen Memories" is a multi-part story that
> runs concurrently with "The Hunted".
MIKE: And coming into the home stretch, it's _Stolen Memories_ by a
nose!
It looks like this could be a photo finish, folks!
> _____________________________________
>
> Standard disclaimers apply.
TOM: (Red Skye) To sum it up, PLEASE DON'T SUE US, PARAMOUNT!
> Characters copyrighted
> by Paramount.
CROW: Or Sierra. I forget. They both have the same logo.
> Alis, Alistair and Felistians are
> copyrighted to Mission Ops Productions.
MIKE: Their mission... towrite... strangenew... fanfics!
> Reprinting
> this story in whole or in part is denied without
> the permission of Mission Ops Productions
> first - except in cases of review.
TOM: Does this count as a review?
CROW: Joel Seigel raves, "_Stolen Memories_ is the feel-good fanfic of
the
year!"
> Copyright @ 1995 Mission Ops Productions.
MIKE: Wow, this one is of a pretty old vintage.
CROW: But it hasn't been aged to perfection.
> Send your comments to: hen...@zip.com.au
TOM: _Stolen Memories_, Australian for bestiality.
> ____________________________________________________
(TOM hovers onto MIKE's lap. MIKE picks TOM up and ALL leave the
theater.)
CROW: (singing) Goodbye Red Skye, hello blue,
Nothing can stop me when I run away from you...
[Door 1]
[Door 2]
[Door 3]
[Door 4]
[Door 5]
[Door 6]
[Dog Bone]
[SOL Bridge. CROW is alone.]
CROW: Heeeeeeere, kitty, kitty, kitty! Here, kitty!
(CROW smacks his "lips" to call the cat)
CROW: Here, pusspusspuss. I know a certain kitty-witty that's--
MIKE: (Quickly entering) Hey, Crow!
CROW: WAUGH!!! GEEZ, you big piece of meat, don't DO that!
MIKE: Sorry. Say, what're you up to?
CROW: Nothin'.
MIKE: Um, I'm pretty sure you were asking for a--
CROW: NO! Uh, noooooo. I was just calling for my friend... Muffin.
MIKE: Muffin?
CROW: Muffin.
MIKE: Who is that and why are you calling him?
CROW: Her.
MIKE: Her?
CROW: Her. Y'know that, uh, Alis likes to, um... lead... I mean she IS
a
princess. It IS her right.
MIKE: Uh... yeahhhhhhh?
CROW: Well, y'know, so, uh, I was hoping to... y'know... get... some...
tips.
MIKE: Crownelius Timothy Robot! That's disgusting!
CROW: I'm sorry. But Tom had so much fun on the edge of the universe
and I
stayed here for 500 years! Judging by this story, cats know a lot
about... pleasure.
MIKE: Look, Crow. Number one, you don't speak cat.
CROW: I could learn. I'm a fast learner!
MIKE: Two, you don't even have a--
CROW: (interupting) One-eyed Pete? Pop-up Video? Mr. Blinky?
MIKE: Will you quit it? Yes! That's what I'm talking about!
CROW: Well, that hurt, Nelson. Julian doesn't have one either, and he
seems to get a lot of pleasure from Alis.
MIKE: Crow, do you realize what we're talking about? In front of
thousands
of readers?
(CROW lowers his eyes, looking down at the floor)
CROW: I'm sorry.
MIKE: It's all right. It's all right. Folks at home, we'd like to
personally apologize for this conversation. It was quite
distasteful
indeed. To hopefully make up for it and maybe get your mind off
of
it, we now bring you this clip of Brain Guy in a tutu.
[Castle Forrester. OBSERVER is dancing around in a tutu to "The
Sugarplum
Fairy". It suddenly cuts off for a second of static and comes back to
Castle Forrester, but with the live OBSERVER standing there.]
OBSERVER: I'll get you for that, Nelson! Remember, people, you never
saw a
thing! (walks away grumbling) Damn security tapes...
[Planet Bumper]
> "Mother always said Terrans make better breeding
> partners than Felistian males - which is why she arranged to
> lure one here in the first place. To supply me with one so
> that I can do my duty to the clans and create an heir to
> follow me, should I fail my life test," she announced.