[MiSTing] "Neo Evangelion" Part 1 (2/2)
Jim W.
MIKE: Crow, where did that giant hole in the wall come from?
CROW: Uh...what hole?
>Cut to Shinji, Asuka, Misato, Ritsuko, Gendo, Fuyutski, and Maya tumbling
through
>an empty shaft. They finally hit the ground.
>
>Misato: Is everybody all right?
>Asuka: Yeah, only my whole body is bruised.
SERVO: So, you're really not all right then, are you?
MIKE: Hey, Servo, lay off.
SERVO: Sorry, Mike.
>Ritsuko: Where are we?
>Fuyutski: This is known as The Pocket. It served as a storage facility for
the E2 Project.
>Everybody except Fuyutski and Gendo: The E2 Project?
EVERYBODY EXCEPT FOR CAMBOT AND GYPSY[affirming]: The E2 Project.
>Fuyutski: Certain Nerv scientists always feared that the Evangelions would
fail
>in our battle against the Angels.
CROW: So much for keeping hope alive.
>The Pocket was supposed to house the backup to the Evas. An elevator was
>supposed to bridge Central Dogma with The Pocket. The elevator was probably
>destroyed when Seele attacked Nerv.
>
>Fuyutski pushes to the head of the group and gropes the wall for a light
switch.
MIKE: Look at that guy, groping around like he's some dirty blind guy--
SERVO: Out of bounds, Mike. Way out.
>A hall of lights flicked on revealing a big metal door with the Nerv symbol.
>The group proceeded across the hall to the door.
>
>Computer: Insert voice-recognition password.
>Fuyutski: Voice authorization Fuyutski, Kuzo. Password: Heaven's wraith.
>
>The door clicked open and parted with an irritating hum.
SERVO[Gendo]: Hmm...needs oil.
>Gendo lead the group inside.
>
>Cut to: the Nerv of The Pocket.
CROW: The wha--?
MIKE: Sounds like a bad title for this episode.
>The control room, supposed to house over fifteen workers and
>twenty technicians. All the control stations were focused around a central
>platform with a periscope. A window looked out into a huge cargo bay.
>
>Shinji, Asuka, Misato, Ritsuko, and Maya looked out the window. Down in the
cargo bay were
>several large machines shaped like cars, tanks, and other assorted vehicles.
SERVO: Then why not just say they *were* cars, tanks, and other assorted
vehicles.
MIKE: Obviously the author wants to stress the fact that, while they *are*
shaped
like vehicles, they must not be.
>
>Asuka turned to face Fuyutski.
>
>Asuka: They're machines!
>Fuyutski: Yes they are.
>
SERVO[Fuyutski]: You get a treat.
>Shinji leans on a control panel and accidentally touches a button. A nearby
view
>screen flickers to life. A picture of a woman who looked like Rei but her
hair,
>skin, and eyes was a darker shade. It was Yui Ikari, Shinji's mother.
>
CROW[Yui]: Shinji, I am your mother.
MIKE[Shinji]: ...NOOOOOOOOO!!! Wait a minute...of course you are!
>Shinji: Mother.
>Yui: My name is Doctor Yui Ikari. This message contains basic outline for the
>E2 Project, which I personally have dubbed: Operation Shinji, after my first
born son.
SERVO: Wow, Shinji must be pretty embarassed about that.
>This is an extension project of Operation E which my husband, Gendo, has
initiated.
>I have feared that the Evangelions being built by Doctor Akagi may not be
enough to
>battle the Angels, if what I have read in the Dead Sea Scrolls is accurate.
So I
>have coordinated with Professor Kuzo Fuyutski of Tokyo University on beginning
>construction on a backup weapon to confront the terrifying AT fields of the
Angels.
CROW[Yui]: I call it...the Sherman Antitrust Act.
MIKE and SERVO: [silent]
CROW: You know, 'cuz AT&T got split up?
MIKE: Come here. [reaches for Crow.]
CROW: AAAACCKK!
[Mike pulls Crow off-screen right]
>They are formerly titled Fully Artificial Vehicular-Humanoid Conversion
>Assault Force.
SERVO: FAVHCAF? Hmm...it does sound kinda fun to say.
CROW[poking head in]: Like "waffles?"
[Mike's hand reaches in and pulls Crow back out of view.]
CROW: Aaagh!
>Or its alias, MechEVAs. I've chosen to make the MechEVAs completely inorganic
to
>make them stronger and powerful. What they lack in speed, they make up for in
strength and
>firepower.
[Mike and Crow re-enter and sit]
CROW: Mike, I promise, I will never make a stupid obscure pun again.
MIKE: Good.
>
>Yui's face is minimized to the bottom right-hand corner of the screen while a
>three-dimensional image of a tank appears. A sequence begins showing how the
tank
>converts into a robotic-like form.
ALL: Transformers!
SERVO: More than meets the eye...
>
>Yui (continued): One of the features that make them different from the Evas
designed
>by Doctor Akagi is that they have a transformation procedure. Each section of
the
>body shifts from one location to another allowing it to become humanoid
looking.
>Once the pilot's brain wave patterns are synchronized with the MechEVA, the
>transformation process begins.
>
>The image shifts to a x-ray of the tank MechEVA. Two spots are highlighted in
red.
>
CROW[Yui]: These are the robot's pressure points.
>Yui (continued): Each MechEVA contains two separate cockpits. One when in
vehicular
>mode and the other in humanoid mode. These cockpits work independently.
During the
>conversion process, the pilot is transferred from one cockpit to another.
>
>Yui's image maximizes the whole screen.
>
>Yui (continued): I had to keep this a secret from my husband because of his
>connections with the Seele organization. For a long time, I had a feeling
that the
>intentions of Seele were self-inspired. I knew that Seele does not care about
evolving
>humanity, only themselves and establishing themselves as the governing power
of Earth.
MIKE: Such is the case with almost every other powerful company, heirarch, and
supervillian.
>If he knew of the E2 project, and the Seele organization learned through him,
then
>they will understand that it would be a hazard to the Human Implementation
Project and
>destroy it. I ask that whoever receives this message in the future realize
that Seele
>is a group of corrupted individuals who answer only to themselves.
>They will stop at nothing to destroy the E2 project and establish themselves
as the
>solitary power governing Earth. Please, stop them, at any cost. This is
Professor
>Yui Ikari signing off.
>
SERVO[Yui]: This fanfic will self-destruct in five seconds.
>The recording clicks off. Data on each of the MechEVAs come on the screen.
>
>Gendo: Where did you receive the materials to construct the MechEVAs?
MIKE[Fuyutski]: Oh, we just borrowed a few essential components from the other
Evas...
>Fuyutski: After the Second Impact, most of the world's cities were destroyed.
>The materials were scavenged from those cities including the first two Tokyo
cities.
>Gendo: And the funding?
>
>Fuyutski sighs.
CROW[Fuyutski]: We kinda...sorta...made a pact with some devil guy named
Pitch.
>
>Fuyutski: There was none. Everybody agreed to volunteer his or her time. The
reason was
>beneficial. Everybody felt that Project E was a bad idea.
>
>Cut to a new Tokyo 3. It doesn't look like the bright, beautiful city it used
to be;
>rather it looks worn-out and distorted. The buildings, despite being
reconstructed,
>have cracks throughout their entire structure. Streets have so many crater
that it
>looks like the moon. There are no lights on, except for firelight that people
start
>due to the loss of electricity.
MIKE: Looks like the world wasn't saved after all.
>
>Cut to the inside of Seele Headquarters. Chairman Kiel is watching Yui
Ikari's recording.
>
>Yui (finishing her transmission): Please stop them at any cost. This is
Professor Yui Ikari
>signing off.
>
>Chairman Kiel turns off his monitor and turns toward a shadowy figure.
SERVO: Shadowy figures: Because how else can an author induce tension and
mystery?
>
>Kiel: I'm surprised you were willing to betray your friends like this.
>
>The figure begins to say something but Chairman Kiel holds up his hand.
>
>Kiel: I know, I know, I heard you the first time. 'They aren't my friends.'
You have
>to realize that I want you to prove your loyalty to Seele before I tell the
government
>to pardon you. You must kill Shinji Ikari.
>
>The figure nods and leaves.
>
>Kiel: Well that was surprisingly simple.
MIKE: Must have been Asuka.
>
>Cut to The Pocket. Shinji is in the control center staring at the red
spaceship
>lying straight up.
>
>Asuka: Shinji?
>Shinji: Yes, Asuka?
>
>The sound of a gun hammer being cocked is heard as Shinji turns around. Asuka
is
>holding a gun and has malice on her face.
>
>Shinji: Asuka, what's going on?
MIKE: Dude. I was right. I was just being funny.
>
>Gendo comes in behind Asuka, sees what's going on, and quickly departs.
>
SERVO[Gendo]: Oh, Shinji. I see you're having girl problems. I'll leave you
two alone.
>Asuka: Die.
>
>Freeze on Asuka pulling the trigger. A gunshot is heard.
>
>
>Caption: To Be Continued
>
MIKE: Great.
CROW: We know Shinji must still be alive. He's the star!
SERVO: Exactly. So there's really no point to read the second part, right?
CROW: Right!
>
>
> Cut to the red spaceship seen earlier. Shinji is leaning by it.
>
>Shinji: Hi, I'm Shinji Ikari. Some of you readers might be complaining that
some of
>the events depicted in Neo Evangelion don't correspond to the events that
happened in
>the last two episodes of Neon Genesis Evangelion or the movies End of
Evangelion and
>Evangelion Death and Rebirth.
MIKE[Shinji]: However, most of you readers really don't give a crap.
>The writer has told me to tell you that he is trying his best to make the
events in
>this series a perfect sequel to the Evangelion series. So some of the
activities might
>seem a little unusual but it's all part of trying to make this series in sync
with the
>Neon Genesis Evangelion series. Thank you, and enjoy the rest of season 1 of
Neo Evangelion.
>
>
>
>Voice Cast
>Shinji Ikari Mark Hammill
>Askuka Langley Soryuu Alicia Silverstone
>Misato Katsuragi Elizabeth Berkley
>Ritsuko Akagi Gates McFadden
>Kozo Fuyutski Raymond Burns
>Gendo Ikari Leonard Nimoy
>Maya Ibuki Susan Blu
>Chairman Kiel Harrison Ford
>Yui Ikari Kirsten Dunst
>Seele Directors Dan Tedeschi
> Joe Slezack
> Matt Mangold
> Jeffrey Edwards
> Nicholas Bennett
>
>
>
SERVO: A horrible cast deserves another mention!
MIKE: Let's get out of here before I'm disturbed out of my mind.
[Mike and the 'Bots exit.]
1...2...3...4...5...6...
[SOL] The wall behind Mike and the 'Bots is covered with a very poor patch job
dealing mostly with duct tape.
MIKE: Well, I think we all learned a valuable lesson today, guys.
SERVO: And that was...?
MIKE: Never settle for low-quality paper towels.
CROW: Oh, I can see why you would...huh?
*Mads' sign*
[Castle Forrester]
PEARL: Hahahaha! That Evangelion fanfic was right up their alley! Oh, I guess
it wasn't.
Which is why that's good for me! HAHAHAHA!
BOBO: [still fanning Pearl] Would the Queen like a cool, refreshing pink
lemonade
so that her humble lackey can rest his arms?
PEARL: No. Keep fanning.
BOBO: Awww...
[Observer rushes in holding a telephone]
OBSERVER: Pardon me, Pearl--
PEARL: AHEM!
OBSERVER: *Queen* Pearl...there's a call for you. A Mr. Bill Gates?
PEARL: Really? Give me that! [grabs the phone] Hello?
[Muffled high-pitched babbling can be heard from the receiver.]
PEARL: A business proposition? Yes, I'm listening...
[fade to black]
[Mighty Science Theater]
written by: Jim Whaley
"Neo Evangelion" written by: Stephen Frey
featuring:
Mike Nelson: Michael J. Nelson
Crow: Bill Corbett
Tom Servo: Kevin Murphy
Gypsy: Patrick Brantseg
Magic Voice: Beez McKeever
also featuring:
Pearl Forrester: Mary Jo Pehl
Observer: Bill Corbett
Professor Bobo: Kevin Murphy
All MST3K characters and situations are trademarks of Best Brains, Inc.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only;
no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains,
Inc.
is intended or should be inferred.
No insults are intended to anyone refered to in this MiSTing.
Any alteration or reproduction of this MiSTing without permission or credit
is not appreciated. Please contact the author at the e-mail address provided
below.
based upon MST3K created by Joel Hodgson
special thanks to:
all present and former employees of Best Brains, Inc., wherever they may be
Stephen Frey
Japan
the authors of the First Amendment
and last but not least, You, the reader
This MiSTing is dedicated to anyone who loves to laugh.
e-mail tj...@aol.com for comments, etc.
c2000 by Jim Whaley
>Cut to the control room. Maya is picking through rubble that is blocking the
exit
>when she hears a flash.
a Mystery Usenet Theater 3000 production
http://wsn9.mistings.org
-----------------
Read over thirty episodes of Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000 at
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407: The Neelix Claus part 4: Tuvok the Snowman
408: The Neelix Claus part 5: Neelix the Red Faced Talaxian
501: Wheel of Something
502: Neo Evangelion part I
503: Neo Evangelion part II
504: Be Ordained Now!
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Jim W. (MiSTie #90212)
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New MiSTing: "Neo Evangelion" part 1
located at http://sft1b.mistings.org/
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