MiSTed - The Long March (1/?)
Bill Livingston
[Satellite of Love - Crow is wearing a fake elephant trunk and ears attached
to his head. Servo has a huge pair of donkey ears attached to his dome]
SERVO: Who gets to have their convention first?
CROW: Let's just flip a quarter
SERVO: We don't have a quarter. And even if we did, we couldn't flip it.
[Mike wanders in, doing the TV Guide crossword puzzle]
MIKE: 20 Across, "'Night Stalker' Star Darren _ _ _ _ _ _ _". Mmmmm. Hey,
what're you guys up to?
CROW: Oh, hey, Mike. We've just politicized ourselves
MIKE: Excuse me?
SERVO: Yeah, we decided a multi-party system was the way to go.
MIKE: Go for what? We don't even have a government!
SERVO: Mere details, Michael.
CROW: Yeah, once we have our elections, we'll start sweating the small stuff.
MIKE: Well, do you have a platform mapped out for each of your parties?
SERVO: The Servocratic platform calls for fairness, prosperity, justice, and
a Federal Ramchip assistance program
MIKE: How about yours, Crow?
CROW: [obviously unprepared] Huh? Oh, em, the Republicrow platform calls
for, um, aheh, establishing Moonbase Alpha with Commander, uh, Walter
Koenig, er, no new,ah, sexes, a chicken in every, uh, tomorrow, and,
um-m-m, Kim Catrall in every garage!
MIKE: I like the last part.
CROW: Thanks.
MIKE: But who's going to vote?
SERVO: Well, there's you and Cambot
CROW: And of course, Magic Voice.
MIKE: What about Gypsy?
CROW: She's formed some kind of splinter third party faction
[Lights flash]
MIKE: Hold it, fellas, Al Franken & Ariana Huffington are calling
[DEEP 13 - Dr.F is standing by a face-down stack of political signs]
DR.F: Hello, hamsters. Dabbling in politics, I see. Good, it plays right into my plans.
[SOL]
MIKE: What this time?
[D13]
DR.F: As you know, Boobie, it's election year down here. My thought - and
follow me here, if you can - is that if I can sow enough confusion among
the general electorate, I can seize power during the chaos. That's why
I've come up with these - [he holds up one of the signs, which reads
"CHARLES EVANS HUGHES FOR PRESIDENT"] - the Clayton Forrester
Morphomatic© Campaign Sign. I simply plant some in prominent public places, and every few minutes, it changes candidates. [the name drops
down, and the sign now reads "GEORGE McCLELLEN FOR PRESIDENT"] Soon, no
one will know who's *really* running, and that's when I make my move, heheheheh!
MRS.F: [OS] Clayto-o-o-on!!
DR.F: [clenched teeth] Yes, mother?!?
MRS.F: [entering] Did you filch my "Win with Wilkie" poster?
DR.F: [Sign drops again to read "WENDELL WILKIE FOR PRESIDENT"] I needed it
for my experiment, mother. When I rule the world, I'll get you another.
MRS.F: Oh, yeah, your political acumen is really gonna help. That's why you
dumped all that dough planning that "Anderson/Lucey" Victory Celebration
back in 1980!
DR.F: [More teeth clenching] Thank you for bringing that up, *Mother*!!
[relaxes] Anyway, Nelson, I have a little political screed for your
reading pleasure today. It's a piece of junk e-mail titled "The Long
March" which seems to have wound up in every mailbox on the planet. It
makes even *me* a little ill, and I *like* evil! [Sign drops yet again
to read "BURT I. GORDON FOR PRESIDENT"] So get Galloping, Mr.Candidate!
[SOL]
MIKE: OKay, explain what she's doing again?
[GYPSY enters. She has a piece of Astroturf on top of her head, like a crewcut, and truly monstrous human ears attached to the side]
GYPSY: [Same accent she used as the sheriff in Manos] All right, see, now
here's the deal!
ALL: YAAAAAHHHH!!
[Lights flash, etc]
ALL: OH NO, WE GOT PROPAGANDA SIGN!!!
GYPSY: Kin ah just say one thang...
O <2> |3| {4} [5] (6)
[Mike & the Bots enter]
MIKE: Here, let's get rid of these [removes fake ears and nose]
CROW: Wow, I was gettin' an urge to plow something!
SERVO: Yeah, and I had a sudden craving for peanuts!
> Date: Mon, 25 Sep 95 20:11:43 -0700
> From: Crusader <Crus...@National.Alliance>
MIKE: From Fal...@Bogus.Org
> Subject: The Long March
CROW: [as drill sgt] I don't know but I've been told,
MIKE & SERVO: *I don't know but I've been told,*
CROW: Stupid mail-bombs leave me cold
MIKE & SERVO: *Stupid mail-bombs leave me cold*
>
>
>
> If you are concerned about the fate Western/American civiliztion
> and its people,
SERVO: Read the novels of Louis L'Amour to find out more
> please take the time to read this artcle.
CROW: Ah, that would be "artcle", as in "Spamly Junk Mail"
MIKE: And "read" as in "File 13"
>
>
>
>
CROW: It's the whitespace monster!
> The Long March
SERVO: March was always the cruelest month
>
> by Ian P. McKinney
CROW: Hey, that's one of the Kids in the Hall!
>
> SINCE THE LAST ELECTION that heralded the so-called "Republican
> revolution"
MIKE: Next time, the revolution will be *catered*, man!
> we hear a lot of talk announcing that liberalism is dead,
> or at least on its last legs.
SERVO: Liberalism is dead, and I don't feel so good myself.
> That is what well-known conservatives
> like Rush Limbaugh and others would have us all believe.
CROW: Well, that's it, if Rush Limbaugh said it, it must be true.
MIKE: Ditto! Ditto! Megadittos!
> Yes, listeners, all we have to do is support
SERVO: Your local gunfighter
> Newt Gingrich and, of course,
> keep on buying those Rush beer steins,
CROW: The 55-gallon drum edition
> and hopefully, according to the
> plan, when Bill Clinton is voted out of office in 1996 and after we
> elect a good conservative president, then all our worries will be over.
SERVO: So who gets to define what a "good conservative president" is?
MIKE: Apparently, these guys do
CROW: That's part of "the plan"
>
> Does anyone actually think that an election or two will reverse well
> over fifty years of liberal and alien subversion of our government
SERVO: The Vulcan Socialists must be stopped!
MIKE: Looks like Mulder & Scully were right after all
> and institutions,
CROW: Insert your own general insanity joke here
> the moral decay, the decline of the public school
> system, the out-of-control immigration,
SERVO: The headaches, the heartaches, the laughter, the tears
> the explosion of non-White
> crime,
MIKE: Pastel crimes?
> or any of the other consequences of "diversity"?
SERVO: Yeah, it's always a bad idea to have those pesky inappropriate
worldviews
> The present
> Republican politicians usually do not even directly address these
> issues.
CROW: They use an anonymous PO Box in Fresno
SERVO: Or an anonymous remailer in Finland
> It would not matter if the Republicans were to be elected in
> large numbers for the next fifty years:
CROW: The sound you just heard was the entire Kennedy Family fainting
MIKE: Except Maria.
> these problems would obviously
> continue to grow
SERVO: Annoying?
MIKE: Soybeans?
CROW: Hair on its palms?
MIKE: You're in one of those moods again, aren't you?
> worse. Unfortunately, we've allowed ourselves to be
> convinced that liberalism consists of
CROW: Snips and Snails and Puppy-Dog Tails!
> mostly economic issues: taxes,
> welfare, deficit spending, etc. The fact of the matter is that
> liberalism, at its core, has little to do with economics.
MIKE: He's right: what does any of that have to do with government anyway?
>
> The economic issues that are constantly discussed in conservative
> circles
SERVO: "Conservative Circles"?
CROW: That's where the value of pi is determined by the marketplace
> are only by-products of liberalism. The foundation and
> wellspring of liberalism is the fraudulent doctrine of universal human
> equality.
[All gasp]
SERVO: The *fiends*!
> This doctrine states, in short, that a person is nothing
> more than a victim of his environment, born into the world as a blank
> slate.
MIKE: Oh, so we all start off life as Dana Carvey!
> Everything that he will become, every impulse and instinct,
> every talent or flaw, every like or dislike, and even his
> intelligence, is solely the product of external forces and life
> experiences.
SERVO: And we all know they mean *nothing*!
>
> For example, those who believe in the doctrine of human equality state
> that there is no danger to our nation from the millions of
CROW: Elvis Impersonators?
MIKE: "Make Money Fast" posts?
SERVO: Soundgarden albums?
> low-intelligence, crime-prone, and violent people
MIKE: Well, looks like we were *all* right
now immigrating to
> and reproducing in our cities at astronomical rates. All that we have
> to do,
SERVO: [singing] Is have some fun, I got a feeling, we're not the only
ones...
> they say, is to make sure that these millions are guided into
> some do-gooding government program, like "Head Start"
CROW: Darned four-year olds!
SERVO: Yeah, they're all the time do-gooding, anyway!
> or "Midnight
> Basketball," and they will all eventually become engineers,
MIKE: Now *that's* cruel!
> doctors,
> and other kinds of productive contributors to our country. And what do
> conservatives say?
SERVO: [as Reagan] Well, there you go again!
> No midnight basketball for them.
CROW: Yeah, but how successful will "midnight golf" be?
> But they really
> aren't too different from the liberals.
CROW: *That* sound you just heard was Bob Dornan throwing up
MIKE: Oh no! That means he'll have to - REFUEL!!!
ALL: AAAAAAAAAARRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
> They say: Give these
> non-Whites a good education, economic opportunity, and prayer in the
> schools;
[All gasp]
CROW: *Animals!*
> and soon the Jamaican drug gang members will be
> indistinguishable from Beaver Cleaver.
MIKE: That was one of my favorite episodes: where Ward caught the Beav
selling Nickel Bags to Lumpy Rutherford's Rastafarian gangbangers.
> Modern-day conservatives and
> liberals both accept the liberal ideas of equality and of the
> overriding importance of the individual's environment.
CROW: So Nature's out
SERVO: And Nurture's out
CROW: So then . . .
MIKE: Hey, don't look at me, guys!
>
> If individuals are born with equal potential, and what they eventually
> become is determined solely by their environment,
SERVO: Then a train leaves Chicago heading east at 50 MPH...
> then certainly it
> follows that the races are also equal.
MIKE: Formula One drivers *will* compete on the NASCAR circuit
> If someone was to remove an
> infant from the jungles of Africa and place that child into the home
> of a typical White family here in America,
CROW: Then that individual could be charged with kidnapping, transporting
minors, breaking and entering, and very likely a morals rap.
> then according to the
> theory of equality we should expect that the Black child's
> intelligence and abilities would be no different than those of a
> typical White child raised under similar conditions.
SERVO: Ah, I see Mr. Straw Man has arrived!
> If that African
> baby had been placed in Beethoven's crib and raised identically to
> him, then that child would have eventually written the Ninth Symphony.
CROW: Except that it's already been written.
> Had that African child been placed in William Shockley's crib he would
> have invented the transistor.
MIKE: But had he been placed in Ian McKinney's crib, there's no way he
could have come up with anything as ludicrous as this!
> My examples may be exaggerated, but that
> really is the essence of the modern religion of equalitarianism, which
> is espoused by Clinton, Gingrich, and every other politician who wants
> to be elected.
SERVO: So there are really people out there who are down on Gingrich and
Limbaugh for being bleeding-heart liberals?
CROW: I'm startin' to get a bad feeling about this
> It is a false religion, with Communist roots, and with
> no scientific basis whatever.
>
> I have mentioned the Tanser Study on a previous American Dissident
> Voices program.
CROW: We musta missed that part
MIKE: I think we can live with the loss
> This study was conducted as part of the doctoral
> thesis of Dr. H. A.Tanser who was
SERVO: Veterinarian to the Stars!
> Superintendent of Schools in
> Chatham, Ontario, in 1939. For approximately 100 years, Chatham had
> been the home of Blacks who had escaped slavery via the so-called
> "Underground Railroad" of the 19th century,
CROW: They took the subway?
MIKE: Not exactly, Crow
> and their descendants. The
> study's goal was to show that these Blacks, living in equal social
> conditions with Whites and attending the same schools for about a
> century,
SERVO: Were now Canadian
> would have developed IQs comparable to the Whites. The
> numerous other studies conducted up until that time, it was claimed,
> showed lower IQs for Blacks because American Blacks had been
> segregated and discriminated against for their entire lives.
CROW: I guess Ian feels a few generations of enslavement never hurt anyone!
> Chatham
> was an exception to that. The findings of the Tanser study revealed
MIKE: Four out of five dentists really *do* recommend Trident
> quite the opposite of those expectations, however. There was an
> approximate 15 point deficit in the average Black IQ test score when
> compared with the average White score:
SERVO: Ya think McKinney's score is more than 15 below average?
MIKE: I think it's more than 15 points below zero!
> the same difference which
> existed and still exists between Black and White scores in Alabama or
> Louisiana.
SERVO: So Louisiana today is the same as Ontario 50 years ago?
MIKE: Except the cooking and music are better.
> The previously mentioned study is only one of many dozens
CROW: That we made up for all you know.
SERVO: Would they do that?
CROW: No, never!
MIKE: What, never?
CROW: Well, hardly ever.
> conducted
> over the years by various private, public, and military researchers.
> They are unanimous in their findings.
MIKE: They need more money for more studies
> The IQ gap is unquestionably
> real.
SERVO: Oh, y'know, Ian shouldn't be so hard on himself.
MIKE: Let's not jump to conclusions.
> Read The Bell Curve, available from National Vanguard Books, for
> an objective summary of the data.
MIKE: Oh, gag! I knew we'd hit this eventually!
CROW: *This* explains a lot!
> The theory of human equality has
> been scientifically demonstrated again and again to be false.
MIKE: Darned old false theory!
CROW: Well, you're not the same as the other guy!
MIKE: "Equal" and "Alike" aren't the same thing!
> The interesting question is:
SERVO: How do they cram all that Graham?
> Why do we find so many fanatical advocates of
> this thoroughly discredited theory in the academy, in the media, and
> in government?
CROW: It must be a conspiracy
SERVO: Where's Oliver Stone when you *really* need him?
> Another issue on which modern Republicans agree with Bill Clinton is
> that of the wonderful benefits of Third World immigration.
CROW: I'm guessin' that Ian doesn't watch a lot of news.
MIKE: Ian's cable company broadcasts from Earth-3
> The equality doctrine states that the race of an immigrant is of no
> consequence. Gingrich and Limbaugh and company
SERVO: [announcer] Will handle your disability claim for a contingency fee!
Remember: you don't get paid, we don't get paid!
> state that all that
> is necessary is for the immigrants to be imbued with the American
> culture, whatever that is,
MIKE: I had to grow some of that in a petri dish in high school, I think
> and after a sufficient period of
> acclimatization,
SERVO: Hey, Ian knows them big ol' words!
CROW: Hey, Ian has a thesaurus function in his word processor
> they would be functionally identical to native-born
> White Americans. The Republican "revolution" has zero chance of
> reversing or even slowing the browning of America.
CROW: [as Julia Child] And remember, when browning America, to add
some scallions and ju-u-u-ust a little cooking sherry!
>
> If intelligence varies to such degrees among racial groups,
CROW: Then I'm a blue-bellied son of a -
MIKE: CROW!
CROW: Gun
CROW: You know, your 10,000 riff check-up can be easy, or it can be
difficult: it's up to you, pal!
> then it is
> logical
SERVO: Captain.
> to believe other less tangible psychological characteristics
> also vary by race.
MIKE: Yeah, for example, anal paranoid low-IQ white folks are 10 times more
likely to believe this kind of unsubstantiated garbage
I am referring to characteristics that enable a
> racial group to collectively create and sustain such a unique
> civilization composed of the body of art, learning, politics, social
> organization, etc.: the mental characteristics comprising the natural
> abilities and tendencies that exist within that racial group. It is a
> synthesis of intelligence and racial "personality" that is the root
> of culture.
SERVO: What's scary is, it almost sounds like it might make sense until you stop and listen
CROW: That's the way it usually goes
MIKE: Ian P. McKinney: the national poster child for the Skewed Data
Society!
>
> Why does one group of people develop an advanced society, while others
> remain at a savage level?
CROW: Why ask why?
> Why do some races seem incapable of
> developing or maintaining an advanced society even when exposed to --
> and in cases actively aided by --
CROW: Mentos the Freshmaker?
SERVO: Gordon Elliot?
MIKE: The teachings of Surak?
CROW & TOM: Fan boy! Faaaaaaaan Boy!
> more advanced civilizations, while
> others are able to quickly adapt outside ideas and technologies and
> then go on to develop them in their own unique ways?
CROW: Oh, like when Pat Boone covered that Ray Charles song?
> Those are good
> questions, but do not expect a rational answer from
SERVO: A slobbering misanthropic idiot
MIKE: Or Ian
SERVO: Like I just said.
> a liberal. Their
> answer will be that it's "racism" and "bigotry" on the part of Whites
> and in some cases Asians for the inability of Black Africa, for
> example, to move much beyond the Stone Age.
CROW: I think Ian is the one that's stoned.
SERVO: I think I'd *like* to stone Ian for ages!
> The glaring failure to
> develop
SERVO: May cause concern, but many young people begin puberty late,
so there's no reason to become overly worried
> in Africa causes severe consternation among liberals, and
> their shrill calls
ALL: [Jerry Lewis] DE-E-EAN!! OH LADY-PERSON, with the THING, and the DEAL -
> for more foreign aid, more exchange students, more
> "uplift" programs, more "democracy,"
SERVO: More "pure chewing satisfaction"
> ad infinitum, are simply
> desperate efforts to cover for the total intellectual bankruptcy of
> the equality doctrine. For an equalitarian
CROW: Equalitarian? That's someone who rides a horse, isn't it?
SERVO: I thought it was dictator who used artificial sweetener
> to face the fact that
> an endless supply of money and assistance will not
CROW: Be minded one little bit!
> bring any lasting
> improvement to a place like Africa would destroy his belief system and
> would require a massive philosophical reassessment.
MIKE: Hm-m-m - I riff, therefore I am.
>
> The deteriorating social conditions that are occurring in the United
> States and the rest of the White world
CROW: Perry White's world?
MIKE: Barry White's world?
SERVO: Whitey Ford's world?
> are the direct results of an
> insane immigration policy
SERVO: [announcer] We *must* be insane to let visas go at these prices!!
> and the tremendous birthrate of the
> non-Whites already here. Both of these have their roots in the
> doctrine of equality.
SERVO: Ha! Ian thinks political doctrine has something to do with having
babies!
MIKE: Hey, it minimizes the possibility of his passing those genes along
> How did this doctrine become the state religion
> of the new rulers of America? Our ancestors 100 years ago certainly
> never believed in such nonsense. What happened?
CROW: Education?
> To answer that
> question, we must travel back those 100 years
MIKE: Not just any hundred years, but *those* hundred years.
SERVO: [as Mr. Peabody] Quickly, Sherman, set the wayback machine for
those hundred years ago!
> and examine the career
> of one Franz Boas, whom the liberal intellectual establishment regards
> with almost religious reverence.
SERVO: Boas knows liberals
> Boas was an academic with Communist
> sympathies, and was actually cited by the United States Congress for
> over 40 different Communist affiliations.
MIKE: Boas cited, observed same!
>
> Communist strategy in the United States during the early part of this
> century included what they called "the long march through the
> institutions."
MIKE: Hey, he tied it into the title! That's a point for Ian.
CROW: And the score is now: Common Sense 37,448, Ian 1
> This meant that Communists and sympathizers would
> infiltrate and gain positions of influence in as many important
> American organizations as possible;
SERVO: All Rise, the Supreme Court of the United States is now in
session, Comrade Chief Justice Gus Hall presiding.
> including churches, clubs, social
> organizations, service groups, government departments, the legal
> profession,
CROW: Dude Ranches...
MIKE: Great metropolitan newspapers
SERVO: Internet Service Providers
CROW: Star Trek Conventions
MIKE: All-Night wicker stores
SERVO: Comedy Central
CROW: Well, they got that one.
> and especially schools and colleges. In the event of a
> Communist revolution,
CROW: Please extinguish all smoking materials, and return your dialectical
materialism to a full and upright position.
> party members and sympathizers would already
> have their fingers on enough levers of power
ALL: EWW-W-W!!!
> to help the revolution
> along and to govern once it took place. In the event that a violent
> revolution did not take place,
SERVO: [announcer] The communists would receive, as a consolation prize,
a year's supply of Turtle Wax, for their tractors
> the "long march through the
> institutions" would be an alternate road to power.
MIKE: Oh, I hate these out of the way detours!
CROW: How are we supposed to overthrow the government if the highway
department doesn't KEEP UP THE STINKING ROADS?!?
> The Communists and those behind Communism, as we all know, took that
> alternate road in this country.
MIKE: Well, sure, we all - HUH?
> Once in positions of influence, they
> were able to help each other, sway the minds of students and others
> under them,
ALL: SLEEP!!!!
> and crush their disorganized and surprised opposition,
> especially in the academy where they still rule today.
CROW: The commies are responsible for the "Police Academy" movies!
MIKE: I never trusted that Steve Guttenberg!
> Boas was one of
> the most skilled practitioners of these skills.
SERVO: Especially in the Department of Redundancy Department
>
> Boas was born in Germany in 1858 of radical socialist Jewish parents.
> His fame rests on his contributions to the field of anthropology, the
> study of the origins and development of man and human societies.
MIKE: An obvious communist
> His
> education included no study of anthropology; and how he got his Ph.D.
> is something of a mystery,
SERVO: Okay, so Ian has no idea how babies get here, and he has no idea how
you get a graduate degree. SO HOW THE BLUE BLAZES DID HE FIGURE
OUT HOW TO SPAM EVERY E-MAIL ACCOUNT IN THE WORLD?!?
CROW: Maybe he's an idiot savant
SERVO: You're at least half right!
> but nonetheless he went on to obtain a
> professorship at Columbia University and subsequently created what is
> known today as
CROW: Nick at Night
MIKE: Hello out there from TV-Land!
> social or cultural anthropology. Cultural anthropology,
> in contrast to physical anthropology, holds that external
> environmental forces determine human development almost to the
> exclusion of biology and genetics. Boas, who died in 1942, spent his
> life energetically promoting the equality doctrine.
CROW: And to think they wasted time and money on penny-ante stuff like
organized crime while this guy was just walkin' around loose!!
> Over a period of several decades, the pupils of Boas were given
SERVO: A solution to dilate them.
> the
> air of authority that goes with doctoral degrees, and were placed into
> positions of responsibility in anthropology departments of leading
> universities around the nation.
SERVO: So America is under siege from the evil communist anthropologists,
and only Ian's super-loons can save the day?
MIKE: Yeah, pretty much
> These Boas disciples received the
> concerted backing of the press, radio, and TV (which were also by this
> time in the hands of America's enemies).
CROW: The Toronto Blue Jays?
SERVO: No, the evil pinko anthro profs
CROW: Oh.
> These media served as a
> platform to freely espouse their "great" opinions on various issues.
MIKE: It's true. My father told me all about how the country was gripped by
"Boas-Mania" in the late '50's
> At the same time, the critics of the "Boas School" were to a large
> degree silenced.
SERVO: All right, mention that "Piltdown Man" thing one more time, and
I'll start handing out detentions!
> A prominent Boas student, Professor Melville Herksovits, stated, "The
> four decades of the tenure of his professorship at Columbia
CROW: Didn't help the football team at all
> gave a
> continuity to his teaching that permitted him to develop students who
> eventually made up the greater part of the significant professional
> core of American anthropologists, and who came to man and direct
CROW: Keanu Reeve's latest megabuck action thriller motion picture!
MIKE: (Keanu) Like, I'm a brilliant nuclear physicist, dude!
> most
> of the major departments of anthropology in the United States. In
> their turn they trained the students who, with increases in general
> interest in the subject... have continued in the tradition in which
> their teachers were trained."
MIKE: So he taught people, who in turn taught more people
SERVO: No wonder he's so dangerous
> Thirty years ago America's pre-eminent physical anthropologist, the
> late Carleton Coon,
[All shift uncomfortably]
> minced no words in describing the chicanery of the
> cultural anthropologists: "More serious are the activities of the
> academic debunkers and soft-peddlers who operate inside anthropology
> itself.
CROW: [whispering] Psst! Hey pal! Wanna buy an Etruscan Rolex?
> Basing their ideas on the concept of the brotherhood of man,
> certain writers, who are mostly social
SERVO: Butterflies?
MIKE: Outcasts?
CROW: Diseases?
MIKE & SERVO: Huh?!?
> anthropologists, consider it
> immoral to study race, and produce book after book exposing it as a
> 'myth'... and [saying] we should pretend that race does not exist.
> These writers are not physical anthropologists,
CROW: They were merely holograms of anthropologists
SERVO: [as the Holodoc] Please state the nature of the anthropological
emergency
> but the public does
> not know the difference." So while the liberal anthropologists
> continually lecture the public on racial matters through an endless
> stream of books and articles, the fact is that they have no real
> credentials for such pronouncements.
MIKE: Well, what about you, Ian?
SERVO: Yeah, let's see some ID, pal!
> Those with such credentials --
> the physical anthropologists -- are seldom given a media forum.
CROW: I think Ian is just a li-i-i-ittle too obsessed with this whole
anthropologist conspiracy theory thing!
MIKE: It's really just the tall anthropologists you have to watch out for
SERVO: [British accent] Eight foot eleven!! DAMN YOU!!
> I do not want to leave the impression that physical anthropology was
> somehow eliminated or absorbed by cultural anthropology.
CROW: Phew! I was worried there for a minute!
> At the
> present time the debate still rages between the two schools.
SERVO: [announcer] Fighting raged today on the war-torn UCLA campus,
as hard-line physical & cultural anthropologists battled for control of
the faculty coffee machine
> Despite
> decades of equality propaganda, some scholars are still intellectually
> honest, you see,
ALL: Where? I didn't see anything. Over there! Look under the seats.
> though the TV-watching and newspaper-reading public
CROW: Could care less, generally
> almost never hears from them. Who were and are these cultural
> anthropologists that have been propagandizing the public with the
> equality doctrine?
CROW: The Menendez Brothers?
SERVO: Huey Lewis & the News?
MIKE: Pinky and the Brain?
CROW: Narf! Zort!
> Therein lies the truly revealing aspect of the
> matter. The most prominent among the Boas devotees are as follows:
> Ashley Montagu (Jewish, despite the name),
SERVO: And his girlfriend, Mandy Capulet
CROW: Female, despite the name
SERVO: By William Shakespeare
CROW: English, despite the name
SERVO: As told to Ian McKinney
CROW: Human, despite the name
> Raymond Pearl, Melville
> Herskovitz, Herbert Seligman,
MIKE: Herbert Seligman? Hey, I -
SERVO: Yeah, Mike, we know, you went to high school with him
MIKE: I was *going* to say, Mr. Smart-Bot, that I read an article by him
in "National Geographic"!
SERVO: Oh. Sorry
MIKE: It was his son, Chip Seligman, I went to high school with
> Otto Klineberg, Gene Weltfish, Amram
> Scheinfeld, Ruth Benedict, L.C. Dunn, Isador Chein, and Margaret Mead.
SERVO: [announcer] These people will compete for cash and prizes today on
"The Joker's Wild"!
> It is very noteworthy that a very high proportion of the Boas
> illuminaries were foreign born, and in almost every case Jewish.
CROW: Ah, this must be the part of the posting where old Ian crosses that
line from plain pesky to outright repulsive!
MIKE: No, I think that happened right after the title
> The
> two women mentioned, Mead and Benedict, were reportedly a lesbian
> couple. Does Jewishness prove Communist or subversive motives by
> itself?
SERVO: [starts to leave] That's it! I gotta get out of here!
MIKE: How? I've got to carry you, remember?
SERVO: Well, let's get a move on! I can't take this guy anymore!!
MIKE: Sure, *you* don't care if Forrester sends us nothing but sardines
and Gatorade for 6 months!
> No, but when one considers the Communist connections of Boas
> himself, and the fact that Ruth Benedict, Gene Weltfish, Melville
> Herskovitz, and especially Ashley Montagu, had all been connected with
> Communist activities, and when one also considers the long history of
> Jewish domination of the Communist movement, it certainly would cause
> one to view the whole group with extreme suspicion.
MIKE: [sighs] On the other hand, getting away from Ian might be worth a few
months of sardine floats.
CROW: Forget it - they've got us locked in again!
> It would be
> reasonable to suspect that these individuals might not have America's
> best interests at heart.
CROW: Ian's explaining to us what's reasonable?
MIKE: Gads. I love irony!
> The history of Boas and the equality doctrine is an interesting
> illustration in itself of the dangers inherent in
SERVO: Providing E-Mail access to dorks?
> the presence of
> alien influences within even a relatively homogeneous nation,
SERVO: Hey, I bet he's really gonna milk this homogeneous thing, heh heh! CROW: Oh, that's udderly ridiculous!
SERVO: I really shot that pasteurize!
> which is
> what America was back during the era of Boas' domination of Columbia
> University's anthropology department.
SERVO: Yes, minorities weren't invented until 1949!
> Being non-political, as scholars
> generally were, the physical anthropologists were simply unaccustomed
> to dealing with an alien group within their midst
MIKE: They were overrun by Daleks!
SERVO: There were no more anthropologists! They had all perished in - the
ROBOT HOLOCAUST!!!!
> possessed of both a
> fervent political agenda and a powerful ethnic nationalism, who were
> bent upon twisting scholarship into a propaganda tool.
SERVO: [B&B] Huh huh huh, he said "tool!", huh huh huh!
CROW: [ditto] Yeah, tool tool tool! Heheheheh!!!
> Combine the
> collaboration of the partisan media with the willingness of the "Boas
> School" to distort and falsify science,
CROW: For a delicious, low-calorie dessert.
> and we see the operation in
> its essence and as it still functions today. It is a sobering example
> of the kind of subversion that has taken place in so many areas of
> American society.
SERVO: [weakly] Well they - I guess - Looks -
MIKE: Tom? Are you all right?
SERVO: Well, geez, Mike, there's just so many riffs you can make on
evil Communist anthropologists before it just gets...
CROW: Old! Fast!
>
> Certainly the subversion continues today and has deeply damaged our
> society. We have fallen so far
MIKE: What's that Lassie? America's fallen down a well?
SERVO: Arf! Woof woof!
> that the Republican party, viewed by
> many well-meaning White Americans as the nation's salvation,
CROW: Y'know, if Colin Powell or Alan Keyes had won the Republican
nomination, Ian might have spontaneously combusted.
SERVO: General Powell, you could have performed a great service for your
country!
> is saturated with the equality philosophy. The examples are numerous.
> The victory of Proposition 187 in California was a result of the total
> frustration of Californians with the totally ineffectual efforts of
> the federal government to stop illegal immigration.
MIKE: Now, see, who's going to buy his story that the federal government
could be ineffectual?
> The initiative,
> which has now technically become law though Jewish lawyer Mark
> Silverman has vowed it will be "litigated for years"
SERVO: NO? A *lawyer* said that?
> and the will of
> California's people has been stifled,
MIKE: But enough about the Rams.
> would simply prevent illegal
> aliens from obtaining public welfare, public medical assistance, and
CROW: Public FTP directories
> access to public schools, and would increase the penalties for the
> counterfeiting of documents used by illegals to obtain employment.
> When it began to look
SERVO: [singing] A lot Like Christmas!
> like the proposition was going to win, we saw
> two of the most prominent "conservative" gurus, Jack Kemp and William
> Bennett,
CROW: On Broadway, in the performance of a lifetime in "Waiting for Godot".
> travelling to California and making public statements
> attacking the provision as "exclusionary" and "undemocratic."
SERVO: Well, they were Republican. See, cuz it's "undemocratic", and -
> Another
> example is the recent broadcast statement of the House Speaker, Newt
> Gingrich, in which he proclaimed that we must accept an "integrated
> society."
SERVO: And no one's had the heart to break it to Strom Thurmond yet
> Actually the evidence of Newt Gingrich's liberalism goes
> much deeper than a few public statements.
SERVO: Oh of course, but - HUH?
>
> Recently, Speaker Gingrich wrote the introduction to the book Creating
> a New Civilization by Jewish authors Alvin and Heidi Toffler.
SERVO: Again with the Jewish thing?
CROW: Boy this guy makes David Duke look like Bill Kunstler!
> Mr.Toffler has written several popular books over the years
CROW: The most popular being "Love's Savage Passionate Fury" and
"Passion's Furious Savage Love"
> projecting
> his vision for the future of society; two of the most well known being
SERVO: Deep Space Nine and Babylon Five
CROW: Same thing
MIKE: No no, there are important differences in both the thrust and the -
CROW & SERVO: Fan boy! Fa-a-a-an Boy!!
> Future Shock and The Third Wave. Contained within the pages of their
> most recent book is
SERVO: The secret of thinner thighs in thirty days!
> the advocacy of, among other things, both
> homosexual and polygamous marriages, convenience abortion, and various
> kinds of "New Age" claptrap.
CROW: How much clap could a claptrap trap if a claptrap could trap clap?
> Also singled-out for praise in several
> instances in this book is the liberal Democratic Vice President, Al
> Gore, Jr.
MIKE: Hey, Mr. Excitement's here!
CROW: Wooh!! Maybe he'll macarena for us again!
>
> Throughout the book they repeatedly make much use of standard
> Communist phraseology, and the Tofflers are reported to hold a sincere
> reverence for Karl Marx himself.
CROW: [as Groucho] This is most ridiculous dictatorship of the proletariat I
ever hoid!
> Furthermore, targets attacked by them
> include traditional families, patriotism, and national sovereignty,
> and they refer to a homogeneous population as a "curse."
SERVO: They haven't read this yet: *then* they'd know from curses!
> They even go
> as far as to boldly claim
SERVO: [as Patrick Stewart] What no one has claimed before!
> that the principles held by our founding
> fathers, and embodied in the Constitution, are "oppressive and
> dangerous to our welfare."
CROW: Um, I hate to admit it, Mike, but that *does* sound a little silly.
SERVO: Yeah, *if* it's true!
MIKE: Even if it's true, who says Ian has the market on idiocy all to himself?
> In other words, the Tofflers are
> espousing the same old liberal, anti-American, "one world" garbage
SERVO: *Now* it's one-world gah-bage!
> that has been propagated by our enemies for the past sixty years or
> more. And Newt Gingrich, the standard-bearer for the Republican Party,
> wrote a glowing introduction to their book.
CROW: Sounds like Alvin & Heidi have some tapes Newt don't want rolled!
> If you cannot reason from
> these facts -- if you still believe that the Republicans really oppose
> the liberal program -- then there is indeed no hope for you.
CROW: Ian McKinney sticks it to The Man!!
>
> In reading the Toffler's book, we find repeated calls for
SERVO: Phillip Morris
> "diversity"
> in nearly every chapter, and warnings that our only hope is to promote
> and foster "diversity" in every aspect of American society.
CROW: We all know, of course, blind rigid conformity is the only way to be!
> In addition to this we find the declaration, in so many words,
SERVO: How many?
> that we cannot stop Third World immigration.
> The long and short of the Toffler's recommended vision for America is
> a society consisting of atomized and disconnected individuals
MIKE: They must have disintegrator pistols
SERVO: Danger - Death Ray!
> of every
> race, unified as members of a giant network harmoniously exchanging their
> thoughts and ideas,
CROW: They've been Borged (tm)!
> and out of all this will emerge a "new civilization"
> in the land that was once America. It is just a repackaging of all the old
> liberal hallucinations of the past: "the brotherhood of man," "the unity
> of mankind," "one-world," "the new world order," "equality" and on and on
SERVO : And Scooby Dooby Dooby
> in the same old tired vein. Like trendy leftists everywhere these days,
> the Tofflers do pay obeisance to "market forces"
MIKE: Isn't that what Rudy Guiliani tried to clean up?
> but then the economic
> structure was never really the reason behind our enemies' calls for
> revolution anyway.
SERVO: [as teenager] It's because they were all, like, skipped for the
softball team in high school, and they didn't, like, get to be on the pep
squad and the yearbook committee and stuff.
> As the Tofflers and their sycophants --
MIKE: Sick elephants?
CROW: Ugh, that could get really messy
> both Republican and Democrat
> -- call for increased "diversity" as the remedy for our ills, more and
> more White Americans are coming to the realization that "diversity" is
> the cause of our problems rather than the cure.
CROW & SERVO: Mi-i-i-ike!
MIKE: Steady, fellas, I think he's winding down!
CROW: I'd like to wind him down a little myself!
> As ever-increasing
> numbers of our people,
SERVO: Increase, uh, everly!
MIKE: [singing] Bye-bye love, bye-bye happiness
> especially in urban areas, are finding it
> necessary to live behind electronic surveillance systems, armed
> security guards, and barred windows -- all aimed at keeping
> "diversity" at bay --
CROW: Remember, only armed vigilance can cure individuality!
> they will come to understand that in order for
> our nation to survive, diversity is something to be prevented, not
> promoted.
SERVO: But for Ian McKinney, there would come another day!
> A creative, conquering spirit still lies suppressed within the
> consciousness of our people. That spirit has sustained us since the
> beginning of our existence. It will emerge again.
SERVO: [German accent] All ve need ist some Liebensraum!!!
> Instead of conquering a vast wilderness or exploring uncharted regions
> of territory or knowledge,
MIKE: Why not take the time to enjoy a nice 3 Musketeers bar?
> we must come to realize that the present
> struggle is an intellectual and spiritual one within ourselves. In
> order to have any chance of survival we must purge from our minds the
> popular superstitions and fetishes popularized by the media.
CROW: So suddenly he's a Zen bigot?
> We must
> reject the do-gooding hallucination of "brotherhood," the self-hate
> that has been so cleverly injected into so many of our people,
SERVO: I see - brotherhood is really self-hate and... and... [woozily] -
geez, I'm gettin nauseous!
> and of course, the destructive alien doctrine of liberalism and its
> parent, equalitarianism,
MIKE: And its uncle, paternalism
SERVO: And its cousin, existentialism
CROW: And its Great Nephew, antidisestablishmentarianism
> regardless of whether we hear them from conservatives
> or liberals, Republicans or Democrats.
MIKE: I always thought the term "to the right of Atilla the Hun" was just an
exaggeration.
> After that battle has been won, the job of straightening out North
> America
MIKE: Well, I guess that would make it easier to draw.
> and our people's homelands around the world will be
> comparatively easy. That is why the enemies of America are so
> terrified that you might wake up.
SERVO: SNO-O-O-ORE!!!
MIKE: WHOO-OO-OO-OO-OO!
CROW: Eep-eep-eep-eep-eep-eep-eep-eep-eep
>
> **This article was based on the *American Dissident Voices* program of
> 1st July, 1995.
CROW: I didn't know 1995 had more than one July!
SERVO: Darned Daylight Savings Time
CROW: It's more of that "diversity" claptrap!
> AMERICAN DISSIDENT VOICES SCHEDULE
> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
MIKE: Okay, Tenors at 1:00, Basses at 2:00, and Sopranos from 3:00 to 4:30!
>
> The only truly uncensored patriotic radio program in America,
MIKE: He said modestly
> is now heard worldwide on shortwave, on satellite, and on AM
> and FM radio in most of North America.
SERVO: Also available on tape at finer Radio Shacks everywhere
CROW: Fifteen minutes of Ian makes me long for two hours of the
crystal-clear lucidity of Rush Limbaugh!
>
>
> WORLDWIDE ON SHORTWAVE:
ALL: FLAG ON THE MOON!
>
> Saturday 11:30am Central Time...............15420 kHz via WRNO
> Saturday 8:00pm Central Time................7355 kHz via WRNO
> Sunday 7:30pm Central Time................7355 kHz via WRNO
SERVO: WRNO Angels, starring Sean Penn & Robert DeNiro
CROW: I thought they were the same person
SERVO: No, that's Christian Slater and Jack Nicholson
>
> VIA SATELLITE TO ALL OF NORTH AMERICA
SERVO: [announcer] In living color, it's Donny and Marie!
>
> NEW TIME! beginning in September 1995
> Saturday 6:00pm Central Time...............C1, channel 15,
> 7.56 MHz audio
> MIDWEST AND GULF SOUTH USA
> from the Gulf of Mexico to the Dakotas and Minnesota, plus
> parts of south central Canada via KAAY,
CROW: KK
> Little Rock, Arkansas:
> Friday night/Saturday morning
> 1:00am Central Time.......1090 on your AM dial
> Saturday night
> 11:30pm Central Time......1090 on your AM dial
>
>
> UPPER MIDWEST AND NORTHERN MOUNTAIN USA
> from Minnesota and Iowa west to Colorado and Montana, plus
> a large part of western Canada via KXEL,
CROW: Isn't that the chick on "Voyager"?
> Waterloo, Iowa:
> Mon-Fri 9:30pm Central Time.......1540 on your AM dial
MIKE: I could never figure out this military time system
>
> LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS AREA
MIKE: [as Clinton] Y'know, Hillary, they oughtta get ridda this. Unless,
of course, people actually like it. Of course, it's still bad either
way. Unless it's not. Then again -
SERVO: [as Hillary] Oh shut up, ya load!
> (these stations can be heard in most of Arkansas)
> via KMTL, Little Rock:
> Saturday 10:00am.....................760 on your AM dial
> via KAAY, Little Rock:
> Friday night/Saturday morning
> 1:00am....................1090 on your AM dial
> Saturday 11:30pm...................1090 on your AM dial
>
>
> WICHITA FALLS, TEXAS AREA
> via KSEY AM-FM, Seymour:
MIKE: [singing] Suddenly, Seymour...
> Saturday 8:30am.....................94.3 on your FM dial
> Saturday 10:00am....................1230 on your AM dial
>
>
> HOUSTON, TEXAS AREA
CROW: [Texas accent] 'At's right. ma'am, we got the biggest areas in the
world right hyar in li'l ol' Tex-as!
> via KGOL, Houston:
> Saturday 6:00pm.....................1180 on your AM dial
>
>
> HUNTSVILLE / DECATUR, ALABAMA AREAS
> via WAJF and WYAM, Decatur/Hartselle:
SERVO: Harts-El, Son of Jor-El, you will bow down before me!
> Wednesday 9:00am....................1490 on your AM dial
> Wednesday 9:00am.....................890 on your AM dial
>
>
> TAMPA, FLORIDA AREA
> via WTIS, St. Petersburg:
> Saturday 11:30am....................1110 on your AM dial
>
>
> RHODE ISLAND, EASTERN MASSACHUSETTS, AND CONNECTICUT
> via WALE, Providence:
> Saturday 10:30am.....................990 on your AM dial
CROW: Y'know fellas, we've been forced to sit through some pretty cheesy
movies, turgid fanfics, ludicrous short subjects, and irritating spam
postings
SERVO: Yeah
MIKE: True
CROW: But I think we can all agree here when I say that FOR SHEER RAW
PAIN LEVEL, THIS PIECE OF CRAP IS THE WORST!! IT FAR SURPASSES
"CASTLE OF FU MANCHU", "EYE OF ARAGON", AND "RED ZONE CUBA" ON THE
HURTING SCALE!!! I'D RATHER SIT THROUGH EVERY PIECE OF DREK STEPHEN
RATLIFF EVER WROTE, SPELLING ERRORS AND ALL, THAN DO THIS AGAIN!!!!!
MIKE: True
SERVO: Yeah
CROW: I just needed to state that for the record. Thank you.
>
>
>
> For further information write to:
>
> National Alliance
> PO Box 90
> Hillsboro, WV 24946
> USA
SERVO: That last "USA" was for all those who missed the fact that this guy
might be American the first few hundred times he mentioned it.
MIKE: That's right, rub it in!
> Please include $1 for postage.
> National Alliance can also be reached at:
> WORLD WIDE WEB: http://www.natvan.com (if unavailable, try our ftp site)
CROW: They''ve got a *web site*?
SERVO: And an *FTP SITE*?!?
CROW: There is no justice
> FTP SITE: ftp.netcom.com, path /pub/NA/NA
ALL: [singing] Path/pub/NA/NA
Path/pub/NA/NA
Hey hey hey
Goodbye!!
MIKE: Let's split!
SERVO: About time, pink boy!!!
[Mike & the Bots leave]
O <2> |3| {4} [5] (6)
[SOL - A long board, draped with a cloth, sits behind the console]
MIKE: Man, that was a really rough ride
CROW: What was that guy's problem, anyhow?
MIKE: Maybe his diet's low in zinc or something.
SERVO: No no no, Mike, to borrow a phrase, it's the vision thing
MIKE: A "Vision Thing"?
SERVO: Exactly. I've prepared this little chart to...
CROW: How?
SERVO: Look, do you wanna argue technical details, or do you wanna put this
whole thing behind us? This is all part of closure!
CROW: [pause] Fine, go ahead!
SERVO: As I was saying, I've prepared this little chart to demonstrate the
reason behind the flaw in Ian's theories. If you would, Mike
[Mike pulls of the sheet to reveal a giant flashcard with faces of various political figures attached, and a diagram of an eyeball at the bottom]
SERVO: Now the normal human eyeball perceives the political spectrum thusly:
on the far left, you see Ted Kennedy and Mario Cuomo and so on. Just left
of center; Bill Clinton and Dick Gephardt. Just right of center, you see
Jack Kemp and Bill Bennett. And on the far right, there's Newt Gingrich,
Rush Limbaugh, etc.
CROW: There's no one in the center
SERVO: Oh, wake up, Crow, the center's a myth.
CROW: But there has to be some demonstratable -
MIKE: Uh, guys, can we just skip PoliSci 101 for now and go on?
SERVO: Sorry. Next chart please, Mike. [Mike flips to the next card, showing
all the folks from the previous card pushed off to the left side, and
wearing pith helmets. The eye at the bottom has a pair of calipers
protruding from it]. As a child, Ian suffered from *anthropologis
optica*, probably the result of being scared by a fossil. The resulting
eye deformity results in the delusion that all outside political rhetoric
seems to emanate from far-left anthropologists. The only known cure is a
good solid thrashing from an Indestructible Gouda Llama Woman, but any
self-respecting Indestructible Gouda Llama Woman, of course, wouldn't get
near old Ian with a ten-foot scraper.
MIKE: Y'know, there may be a simpler explanation.
SERVO: What's that.
CROW: Oh, just that McKinney is an *insane bigot with a misanthropic streak
a mile wide!!!*
SERVO: Well, sure, that's possible.
MIKE: Let's just dig up the info. Tom?
SERVO: Oh, sure. [announcer] To sign up on the MiSTing Authors Dibs List,
send an e-mail message to majo...@neylonpc.engin.umich.edu, with
"subscribe dibslist [your email address]" in the body of the message. Be
sure to read the Guidelines for MiSTing, described in the MiSTing FAQ at
"http://www-personal.engin.umich.edu/~mneylon/mst3k/".
MIKE: Great. Oh, hey! We still have to count the votes and see who won your
election!
CROW: Yeah. Break open the Ballot Box, Mike. [Mike pulls an old-fashioned
ballot box from beneath the counter. Gypsy re-enters, still in her Perot
get-up]
GYPSY: [Still using "Manos" sheriff voice] Ah heard a giant sucking sound!
SERVO: That's just too wrong on so many levels, Gypsy.
MIKE: Well, let's see. We've - hey, these ballots are marked!
CROW: Oh, I did that - makes it easier to draw up an enemies' list.
MIKE: Hmph! Well, anyway, I see you all voted for yourselves, so that's one
apiece so far. According to this, I voted for Crow.
CROW: Woo-Hoo!
SERVO: HEY!
MIKE: Sorry, Servo, it was that Kim Cattrall thing. Um, Cambot voted for
Servo.
SERVO: Yesss!
CROW: Cambot, why?!?
MIKE: Um, that Ramchip thing probably [CAMBOT nods]. And Magic Voice gets to
break the tie. Let's see - wha? Magic Voice, you voted for *Gypsy*?
CROW & SERVO: WHAT?!?!!?
MV: Sorry, Tom, Crow, but we ladies have to stick together.
GYPSY: Ah blame a con-spiracy.
MIKE: Well, it's a three way tie, guys. I guess that means we go back to
the old system.
ALL: [Pause] ANARCHY!!! YEEEEEE-HAAAAAAHHH!!! [everyone starts running
around randomly. The lights flash]
[D13 - Dr.F's signs are still stacked, but they've all got fresh dirt on the stakes. Dr.F comes in with one last load.]
DR.F: Well, as an equalitarian, I'm shocked. I'd take care of you clowns
once and for all, but unfortunately, my little plan has backfired. Thanks
to some highly unreasonable local zoning laws, it's illegal to put these
signs within 6 feet of a road. [drops the remainders on the pile] Not
only did I have to pull up all my signs, I had to pay a $150 fine. When I
do take over, there's gonna be one sorry officer out there...
MRS.F: [enters munching on a croissant] I told you to read the fine print
before trying this world domination thing, but do you listen to your
mother? Oh, no, not Mr.Big Shot Mad Scientist! [turns to the viewscreen]
He's always been this way. When he was 11, I told him squid wouldn't
survive in fresh water. He didn't listen, and he cried like a baby the
next day when they all died.
DR.F: [Picks up a sign and begins wringing the stake. The sign reads HAL
WARREN FOR PRESIDENT] Mother, you're embarrassing me in front of the
experimental subjects!!
MRS.F: [back to Dr.F] Never mind that now, Clayton Jefferson Davis Forrester - I expect you to reimburse me for that Wilkie Poster! That's an
heirloom from my father, who stole it off a highway back in 1940!
[Stuffs the croissant in her mouth and stalks out]
DR.F: [clenched teeth again] Yes..... Mother..... [Now he gets an odd look
in his eye] Excuse me, fellas, I have to go talk with mother for a
moment! [Sign drops to read NORMAN BATES FOR PRESIDENT]. Until next
time, Vox Poopulii. [uses the point of the stake to...]
[FWOOSH!!!]
DR.F: [O.S.] Oh, mother, come down here to the cellar for a moment - I want
to show you something.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"THE LONG MARCH": by Ian P. KcKinney
MiSTING OF "THE LONG MARCH": by Bill Livingston
MiSTING DIBS LIST MAINTAINED: by Michael K. Neylon
DISKETTES: by Sony, Verbatim, & IBM
SUPERMAN: by Jerry Seigel and Joe Shuster
DIE HARD THREE: With a Vengeance
THANKS: to MiSTies, MuSTies, the teachers of America, the authors of all the
Amendments (except the 22nd), the Sci-Fi Channel and whoever invented peanut butter.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are
trademarks of and (c) Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved.
No personal insults to author(s), character(s), or situation(s) are or
should be implied; it's all in fun, folks, so grab a lawn chair and hang
on for the ride!
No animals were harmed in the making of these articles, although several
microbes were savagely beaten out of existence
Keep circulating the posts.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
> The IQ gap is unquestionably
> real.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
bi...@Traveller.COM http://www.Traveller.COM/~bill
Best if Used by Date on Label