MiSTed: "The Sorceress of Cyba-3" (6/6)
Jen White6
Part 6 of 6
By JenW...@aol.com and MsSc...@hotmail.com
Original story by Don R. Christensen
> THE SORCERESS IS SENTENCED
>
Brak: To sit in sullen silence in a dull dark dock.
Zorak: In a pestilential prison with a lifelong lock.
Brak: Awaiting the sensation of a short sharp shock
B & Z: From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block.
> When they brought Satanari before the Central Council of Cyba-3, she
> was still bound by the chains.
> "But I am not defeated," she sneered. "You face a dilemma!"
Moltar: Look, Satanari, your plans have been foiled and space Ghost has
you bound in chains that'll kill you if you sneeze. I'd call that pretty
defeated.
Brak: [sotto voce, to Metallus] You OK?
[Metallus replies with an eardrum-scraping metallic sound]
Moltar: Ah, he's all right. Just needs his speaker fixed.
> The focus of her triumph was one man. "If you could not kill me,
> Space Ghost, how can they?"
Widow: One sharp shove would do it.
Zorak: [Space Ghost] Keep talking, Queenie. It's been *weeks* since I
last blew up a planet.
> The officials of the council looked more disturbed than victorious.
> In sixteen high-backed chairs, arranged in a wide arc on a broad,
> slightly elevated dais, they represented the full authority of Cyba-3.
Moltar: Yep, that sounds more disturbed than victorious to me.
> Yet their heads were bent low.
Brak: [Cyban official] Anyone, uh, find my contact lens yet?
> A public outcry had preceded the hearing. Tempers had flared ever
> since the announcement of Queen Satanari's capture.
> "Let's forget the rule of respect for life and property," the
> shrillest voices had cried. "Kill her."
Zorak: Sheesh. What happened to all their high-falutin' principles?
Moltar: They got chucked out the window as soon as they were
inconvenient.
Zorak: Huh? Maybe there's hope for those wusses after all!
> Onar Honn looked at his friend. Space Ghost was seated with the
> twins and Blip, the monkey.
[Brak imitates the desperate cries of a monkey that is being sat upon.]
> "What is your advice, Space Ghost?" he asked. "Are we the losers if
> we set aside our rule of life just this one time?"
Zorak: No, you're pretty much losers, period.
> Space Ghost rose slowly to his feet, hesitating to answer. "You
> will have to change a bit to survive in a universe where evil travels
> pretty far and fast," he said. "To change right here and now, though,
> would be to create something good with feelings of guilt."
Metallus: [metallic reverb sounds]
Moltar: I don't think they have a shovel big enough.
> The eyes of Satanari glowed as Space Ghost continued. "You exiled
> her before. Why not do it again?"
Brak: Um, because she came back once before and really made a mess of
the whole planet, and she'll do it again if she gets loose?
> "Somehow she will return!"
> "Someone will find her!"
Zorak: [putting his legs up on the table and leaning back in his chair]
Ahh, sequels. Gotta love 'em.
> "Her beauty and guile will sway others as she swayed you and the
> children!" Onar Honn added.
Widow: Face it, the universe is *full* of gullible fools like you!
> "It's just a chance you have to take," said Space Ghost, "but at
> least, according to your code, it will be the right way."
Moltar: Where'd Space Ghost get a copy of The Code of The Wusses?
> "Hah! I *will* return!" the sorceress laughed. "I will!"
Widow: In that case, I hope you kept the receipts, honey.
> Onar Honn pushed a button and a puff of smoke appeared before their
> eyes.
Moltar: The old "contact lens detonator" gets 'em every time! Ha ha ha!
> When it cleared, the chains, once again dull, were resting, empty,
> on the ground. Satanari had disappeared, and in her place was a
> shimmering sphere.
Brak: Ooo! A magic show! Where'd she go?
> The sorceress was once again imprisoned.
Brak: Oh, OK. Thanks.
> Even with the sorceress again in a harmless form, Jan and Jace were
> troubled.
> "Just the thought of her drifting somewhere in the universe is
> frightening," Jan protested.
Widow: If she ends up on The Ghost Planet, Jan, I have a word of advice
- DON'T LET HER FREE again.
> "Wrong word," said Space Ghost gently. "I promised the Cybans I'd
> make certain that this time there will be no aimless drifting."
Moltar: [Space Ghost] Can't have any aimless drifting in *my* universe,
nosiree. We got a curfew.
> Swinging the Phantom cruiser hard aport, he poured on power until
> they breasted a racing asteroid which was pitted with holes.
Metallus: [more reverb sounds]
Moltar: I'm not touchin' that one either.
> Leaping to the asteroid, Space Ghost sealed the sphere within it.
> Then he returned to the ship.
> "That one is outbound on a big-swing course, so relax, kids."
Zorak: [Space Ghost] Jan, get me some coffee. Jace, where's my
newspaper. You two make yourselves useful, you hear?
> Jace understood. "You mean in her present orbit, Queen Satanari
> won't bother anyone again for--"
Widow: Love nor money.
> "One hundred and seventy-five million light years!" Jan giggled.
Zorak: Listen to her! Ain't got the brains to leave space sorceresses
sealed in their spheres, but she has the orbit of every freakin' asteroid
memorized!
> "Blip!" said their monkey. The asteroid had already been swallowed
> by
Moltar: A black hole, as Space Ghost offs yet ANOTHER one-shot villain.
> the outer fringes of space.
Widow: Oh, how tacky. Fringe went out AGES ago.
> They all shared a sigh as the Phantom Cruiser headed home.
Widow: [Jan] Back home, where I got nothing to do but look for pretty
stones. [sigh]
Zorak: [Jace] Back to washing Space Ghost's cruiser and doing his
stinkin' laundry and grocery shopping. [sigh]
Moltar: [Space Ghost] Back to babysitting those stupid kids. Why
couldn't I have gotten REAL sidekicks?! [sigh]
Brak: [Blip] Eep eep eep. [sigh]
[The pyramid returns to its original clear state.]
Moltar: O-kay. That's that. Summing up-
Brak: [excitedly] Oh! Can I?!
Moltar: Oh, okay, if you want to.
[Brak clears his throat. Music cue: "The Can-Can", which those interested
can find at http://members.aol.com/jenwhite6/files/off_can.mid]
Brak: [singing]
One day Jan, a teenage girl,
She saw a sphere, looked like a pearl,
Picked it up, it talked to her,
Said "I am thirsty, give me water."
Soaked the sphere and thus set free
The Sorceress of Cyba-3.
This is how she repaid Jan:
She stamped a tattoo on her hand.
"I'm the good queen
Of the planet Cyba-3,
Not some bad, mean
Sorceress, you'd best agree.
Make them take me
Home, right now, A. S. A. P.,
If not, you'll be
Dead from poison 'mediately."
Queen tricks with her lies,
Her gay laugh, stunning eyes.
Our heroes, of one mind,
Say "Take you home? Sure, OK, fine."
Blip just hides away,
While Queen S. has her say
Ranting to Jan's ears,
Yet no-one else hears.
On the shady world
A sad tale was unfurled
On a great big cube
(That is both the lamp and the boob tube,)
They see smoke and fire,
Cyba's fun'ral pyre,
And Space Ghost and his troops
Are to blame - that's one big "Oops."
Meanwhile our queen Witchiepoo
She knows exactly what she'll do,
In her great big spider thing
She chains up Jan and Jace, those dumb teens.
Spidrex rampages the land
And Space Ghost cannot raise a hand
'Cause of that neat shrinking chain,
'Til he thinks to make it rain.
Space Ghost starts a storm
By making the air warm
Then chilling down the air flow
And putting on one fancy air show
Rain puts all the flames out
Making S. snarl and shout,
Then Space Ghost nabs the witch
With a bait-and-switch.
What route will they take,
Burn her at the stake?
Or leave her in the chain,
Or save her so she'll just get loose 'gain?
Sissies they will stay,
'Cause mercy is their way.
So they'd better pray
That nobody finds the spaceborne sphere
And lets loose the witch they have come to fear.
Bravo, Space Ghost, you did so well,
By putting Cyba through pure heck.
All in one day's work
For the Space Jerk.
[Brak sits down, looking satisfied with himself]
Moltar: Well... that sums it up, all right. You know, we could probably
find that rock they hid her in with deep space radar.
Zorak: Get outta here! You got no idea where in all of space it is!
Moltar: It makes more sense than Space Ghost creating a storm from
scratch.
Widow: And teleporting.
Zorak: She shoulda torched Ghost Planet instead of going back to Cyba-3
like a lemming. She got caught in the end.
Moltar: What else is new? Space Ghost has put ALL of us in the slammer.
Two or three times! If you can't take the heat-
Zorak: Yeah yeah yeah. Whatever. Y'know what? This is stupid. I
don't know why we're wasting our time looking for someone new. You know we
ain't gonna add anyone else.
Brak: Huh?
Zorak: Oh, come on. This is all junk. The Council of Doom is all
about quotas. [points at Widow] We got our token woman and human right
there. [points at Moltar and Metallus] The Helmeteer contingent. Metallus
is the resident robot. [looks at Brak] There's our court jester and funny-
animal. And I'm the insect of the group. Unless we plan to start chucking
members, we ain't gonna be adding anything we've already got covered. And
now Space Ghost can *teleport*, control the weather, repolarize shrinking
chains, and *anything else that's convenient*?! What's the freakin' point
fighting him any more?! [stands up] You waste your time if you want, I'm
outta here.
[Everyone watches as Zorak leaves]
Widow: Good riddance.
Metallus: [droning]
Moltar: Maybe he *is* going soft.
Brak: Nuh-uh. You wouldn't say that if he ate *your* pet-
Widow: He DID eat my spiders. And I agree with Metallus.
Moltar: Yadda yadda yadda. He'll be back. We gonna get on with it or
sit around and argue all day?
[Metallus makes more droning sounds]
Moltar: Yeah, I got another one.
Widow: Let's see that, then. It *has* to be better than what we just
saw.
Moltar: [grumbling] Yadda yadda yadda.
[Moltar activates the pyramid. We see the title, "Lokar, King of The Killer
Locusts"]
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| ______________________ |\
| |J#~#-####*###-##*###+e| | |
| |##*#.##-#.##-#.##~c#*#| | |
| |##+###+##~##+##n+#*###| | |
| |##-#.##+##.-e##-####-#| | |
| |#-###-###+iW######-## | | |
| |##~#*###c*###*#+#.####| | |
| |###~#+S~.##-######~###| | |
| |##-#.###-#*~##-#~#.##%| | |
| |##s##*#+##+#-##.###+##| | |
| |M~##*#####-###~*####*6| | |
| ________________________ |/
This MiSTing is copyright (c) by JenW...@aol.com and
MsSc...@hotmail.com. Zorak, Moltar, Brak, Black Widow, and Zorak are
copyright (c) Hanna-Barbera. "The Sorceress of Cyba-3", by Don R.
Christensen, is copyright 1968 by Whitman Publishing Company. "To Sit In
Solemn Silence" is from Gilbert and Sullivan's operetta "The Mikado". "The
Can-Can" is from Offenbach's "Orpheus in The Underworld", but is better
known as the music for the french kick-line dancing girls with the frothy
skirts. All copyrighted characters and works are used without permission.
This MiSTing was done in the name of humor, and no malice is intended to
anyone. Any "Just So" style explanations contained in this MiSTing, such as
why Zorak left the Council of Doom and what happened to Metallus's voice,
are pure speculation on the part of the MiSTers, and not based in fact
(whatever *that* is).
Thanks to Amanda Flowers (flo...@bgnet.bgsu.edu), Rob C Bungie
(http-www.no....@juno.com), and Matt Plotecher
(Mat...@ix.netcom.com) for their editorial help!
so sez Jen "Call me MiSTer!" White.