[MiSTing] Three TNG Shorts [Alternate Theater Group][TNG]
McDLT
Spot of Borg
A KLINGON TERROR (sic)
A Bit of Lore.
Now, on with the show...
----------------------
In the not to distant future
In an alternate time and space
Pearl Forrester on the SoL
Was caught in an endless chase
Pursued by her son, a right evil man
Who thought only of his master plan
Through contrivances odder than Ratliff's are
Her, Bobo, and Observer are being chased through the stars.
I'll send her awful fanfics.
The worst I can find
She'll have to sit and riff them all
While the text feed is mine.
Now keep in mind Pearl can't control
Where the newsfeeds begin or end
Cause Bobo ate those special parts
And they can't be reconstructed again.
Sat. Crew Roll Call:
CAMBOT: You're on!
GYPSY: It's a living.
BRAIN-GUY: I'm non-corporeal
BOOOOOOBO: When's dinner?
If you're wondering how they eat and breathe
And other science facts
Just remember Star Trek leaves larger holes
So you can really just relax
For Alternate Science Theater 3000
[twang!]
[The scene opens on the Satellite of Love bridge, which looks
about the same, if one is to overlook the oddly placed
throne in the middle of the room. In the throne is the
familiar visage of Pearl Forrester.]
Pearl: Oh, hi, welcome to the Satellite of Love. My name is
Pearl, and my groveling cohorts Bobo and Observer are off
running a few errands for me.
[Bobo walks in.]
Bobo: I'm sorry, Lawgiver, but it appears that the Macy's on the
main concourse of the satellite has closed down.
Pearl: WHAT? How dare they?
[Observer walks in behind Bobo]
Obs.: Well, lawgiver, you were their only customer, since I have
no body to clothe, and Bobo seems to be happy with this
flea infested sackcloth that he continues to wear. Plus
there were issues with store restocking, as well as the
problem of keeping employees.
Pearl: Damn. [Light flashes]. Well, we have commercial sign.
[Bobo begins to jump up and down excitedly, yelling "OH! Oh!" in
the manner of Horshack from Welcome Back, Kotter]
Pearl: *sigh* Alright, you can push the button flea hotel.
Obs.: Oh, but it was MY turn [button is pushed]
<Commercials, a well written Mentos ad with cinematography that
doesn't look like it comes out of a student project, and
no Psychic ads. Well, this *is* an alternate universe...>
[When the scene opens again, Observer is flipping though a small
booklet that he has.]
Obs.: HA! Just what I thought. Last experiment, Citizen Kane,
Bobo got to hit the commercial button both during the
opening segment, as well as during the mid-point host
segment.
Bobo: That's right, and I got to do it again. What are you going
to do about it, no-body?
Obs.: Why! If it wasn't against the rules of my race, I would
pound you into a pancake for saying that!
Bobo: You mean if it wasn't for the fact that that weak specter you
call not a body...[Bobo is cut off by the mads light, which he
quickly moves to hit before Observer can. A struggle ensues].
[Castle Forrester. It too looks similar, except that much of the
equipment from Deep 13 has been moved in. Dr. F is standing
there, flanked by Ortega, and...Mike??]
Ortega: Ngmeamgngmenaugjpsunema! Helfdnjam.
Dr.F: Yes, Ortega, it does look like mother is having some problems
up there. Are you ready for the exchange?
[SoL]
Pearl: I would be, if it weren't for the fact Bobo ate my invention.
Obs.: Again.
[CF]
Dr.F: Well, that should deserve some fresh pain. Mike, please go
get the ASCinator.
[Mike walks off screen, and comes back with what looks like a one
armed bandit, but instead of fruits, there are words.]
Mike: This is our new ASCinator. All one has to do is pull the lever,
and a Star Trek fanfic plot comes out. Allow me to demonstrate.
[Mike pulls the lever. The camera pans in to see where the spinners
fall. They land on "P/C" "ANGST" "PG-13" pulling again, he
gets "W/La" "SLASH" "NC-17"]
Ortega: NFSKCIAMNEMSICN!!
Dr.F: Agreed. Well, mother, I hope you like this, cause this is how
were deciding what three fanfics to send you today. Pull the
lever, Mike.
[Mike pulls the lever, the spinners land on "SPOT" "FC SEQUEL" "PG". A
large glowing button lights up on the top, and Mike hits it]
[SoL. One thing that hasn't changed is the standard bells, alarms, and
havoc]
All: We've got fanfic sign!
[As the doors progress we hear Bobo]
Bobo: I did not eat the invention. It wasn't my fault you made it out
of bananas!
[6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ...]
[Once in the theater, Pearl sits in the middle, Observer in Tom's
position, and Bobo in Crow's]
Bobo: Who are Tom and Crow?
Pearl: Stop reading the stage directions!
>========
Obs.: Wouldn't it have been possible to get "SPOT" "SLASH" "NC-17"?
Pearl: Please don't remind me of that story!
>Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
Bobo: Ever wonder if there is an alternate universe where ASC is
filled with mostly NC-17 tripe, and not the high quality of
fiction it has, where these pieces we get are exceptions?
[pause]
All: Naw!
>Subject: NEW:
Pearl: Whizzo butter.
> Spot of Borg
Bobo: See Spot. See Spot Borg. Borg, Spot, Borg!
> TNG, [PG] 1/3
>From: flt...@aol.com (FltAdm J)
Obs.: Thinking rather highly of ourselves, are we?
>Date: 28 May 1998 14:35:47 GMT
Bobo: Giant Meaty Termites! I'm going to go get a snack.
Pearl: SIT, Bobo.
Obs.: Gross Monkey There!
Bobo: Greatly Muddled Thinker!
Obs.: Why you!
Pearl: *SIT!*
Boys: Yes, lawgiver.
>
>Spot of Borg
>By Koretx
Obs.: Sounds like some new innovative kitchen device. The
Koretx: It slices, it dices, it cuts a monkey into hundreds
of curly fries in minutes!
>NEW1/3
>TNG
>[PG]
>
>Rated PG for flashbacks from "Star Trek: First Contact"
Pearl: Say no more!
Bobo: I liked First Contact!
Obs.: Yeah, and you also liked Return of the Creature!
> and some
>medical drama.
Pearl: ER, now that's something that hasn't been crossovered with
Star Trek.
Obs.: Respectfully, lawgiver, let's not give them ideas.
> Innapropriate for "Barney" fans
Bobo: Well, enjoy you two! [Gets up to leave]
Pearl: SIT!
> , infants, and
>three-year-olds. Although three-year-old's are on the "maybe" list.
Pearl: Except in Stephen Ratliff's Pulitzer Prize winning Marrissa
Series, where they are a part of the crew roster.
Bobo: Do you suppose there is an alternate universe where Ratliff
writes the kind of stories we are forced to see?
[pause]
Pearl: Why all this blasphemous talk today, Bobo?
Obs.: One shouldn't talk about the author laureate that way
>
>Summary:
Obs.: Episode IV, A New Hope...
> I hate summaries. Part One in the Spot of Borg series. Data
>makes a discovery,
Pearl: He really CAN'T believe it's not butter.
> and that leads to questions.
Bobo: Do you like George Wednt? Do you like beans?...
> Takes place just
>after "Star Trek: First Contact"
Obs.: Well, it would be hard to have flashBACKS if it happened before-
hand
>
>This is my first submission,
Bobo: Erk! He was right about this not being for the Barney crowd!
> and I'd love feedback! PLEASE!
>
>_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_
>+_+
>_+
Bobo: Mmmmm! It's a whole row of termites!
>
>". . .how long has it been. . ."
Obs.: That's a rather personal question.
Pearl: The odd thing is is that it was intended that way!
>
>"Data!"
Bobo: Boy, people get excited over databases.
>
>Being dragged through the doors of engineering.
Pearl: Sure this isn't "D/La" "SLASH" "R"?
>
>". . .a sign of a delusional mind."
Bobo: Hey, Observer, you're in the one!
>
>The queen kissing him.
Obs.: RuPaul?
>
>"What have you done to him?"
Pearl: [Geordie] We didn't know! We installed Win 95.
>
>". . .to hell with our orders, sir."
Bobo: But I'm still waiting for my chocolate shake.
>
>Smashing the conduit, superheated plasma blasting him across
>engineering.
Obs.: Kinky.
>
>"DESTROY THEM"
Bobo: AHHH! [ducks behind his chair.]
Obs.: Not us, you ninny!
>
>destroy
>destroy
>destroy. . .
Pearl: To summarize: destroy.
>
>Data snapped awake.
All: [Addam's Family finger snap]
> Ever since he installed the emotion chip,
Obs.: He noticed his voice getting deeper, his shoulder broadening,
facial hair, his voice changing. But most of all, he began
to notice girls.
Bobo: Girls! Ick!
Obs.: With that mindset, its a miracle you evolved at all.
>nightmears during his "sleep" were occasional occurances.
Obs.: He also began to experience wet--
Pearl: I think that's enough.
> But now,
>mere days after returning to the twenty-fourth century, he had already
>had had sevral.
Bobo: OUCH! My brain!
Obs.: No...no, I don't think that sentence quite parses.
> He decided that stroking Spot would. . .
Bobo: Would what? Would what, lawgiver?
Pearl: *sigh* I'll tell you when you're older.
>
>Data stopped in mid-thought.
Obs.: Unlike Bobo there, who never even gets THAT far!
> Spot. Data's quarters had been on the
>fringe of where the Borg had reaced before they had died.
Bobo: His quarters died?
Obs.: That's how it reads.
> Though no
>body
Pearl: [singing] knows the fanfics I've seen...
> had been found, it had been assumed that Spot had been
>assimilated and died with the rest of the borg.
Obs.: It seems most illogical that they would assimilate a cat.
What would they hope to gain from that?
Pearl: The ability to change genders when it's convenient to the plot?
> Most likely in the
>bowls of engineering
Pearl: Oh yes, I love just having two or three heaping bowls of
engineering for breakfast everyday!
Obs.: Sounds similar to our non-food pills.
> awaiting implants to supliment the nanites in his
>system.
Pearl: New Borg Flakes, now supplemented with 10 daily essential
implants.
>
>On a whim, Data began to
Obs.: Recite the works of Bob Dylan while killing the crew one by
one.
> search Spot's
[Pearl and Observer begin to cough a bit, Bobo looks confused]
> favorite haunts during his 16
>month stay on the ENTERPRISE.
Bobo: I like Casper myself!
Obs.: [under breath] You would...
> Data contemplated if his voulentary
>link with the collective might yeld some clues.
Obs.: [Scandahoovian] Ya, it yust mite!
> But before he could
>scan his memory banks, he herd a shuffling sound in Spot's "sick
>spot",
Pearl: He had meant to clean it up, but no carpet shampoo seemed to be
able to do the job.
Obs.: Just like Bobo's sick spot on the bridge carpet.
Bobo: Hey! Why don't we take this out of the theater.
Pearl: NO ONE leaves until I get to.
> where he had retreated when he had been infected with Deltian
>Measles. Looking in, Data was shocked when he saw the form of a cat.
Pearl: The CAT 1040.
>
>+ + +
>
>"It's Spot. No question about it,
Pearl: Unless I'm wrong.
> " said Dr Crusher, addressing the
>staff gathered in the confrence room.
Bobo: Data, c/o Starship Enterprise...
> Notabally absent were Cdr
>Riker,
Obs.: They always make sure to note when Riker is absent. Usually
it is labeled on the calendar as "Party Time."
> on leave and unreachable in Alaska, Cns Troi, who was visiting
>Risa with academy friends,
Pearl: Boy I could sure go for that right now.
> and Cpn Picard, who was still on his way
>from visiting his sister-in-law in france.
Obs.: And partaking in her extensive *hic* wine cellar.
>
>"We don't--"
Bob: Don't we?
>
>*schssh*
All: Gadzundheit
>
>The meeting was interupted as Captian Jean-Luc Picard walked quickly
>in.
Obs.: Oh yes. Let's just stop EVERYTHING while Captain Jean-Luc
Been-in-the-sauce saunters in just as late as he pleases.
For his rank, you would think he could be just a tad more
punctual.
> He seemed
Pearl: in no way
> perfectly calm and composed, his uniform was on
Pearl: inside out
> and
Pearl: he was still wiping the lipstick from his cheek.
>perfect. There was no indication that less than five minutes ago he
>had been running for the Marcille transport station to beam up and
>flashing back to running in the academy 40k marathon.
Bobo: So, the beaming up processes inherently creates deja vu?
>
>"I'm sorry I'm late," he said, "Please, doctor, continue."
Bobo: [Crusher] Thank you [singing] Come Mister tally-mon, tally me
banana...
>
>"Right," said Crusher, "As I was saying, we know it's Spot
Obs.: [Picard] You called me up from personal leave with my family
to tell me about Data's dang-blasted CAT??
Pearl: Down boy.
Obs.: Sorry, Lawgiver, this post is just giving me a non-head ache.
> with
>certanty.
Pearl: Unless it's not.
> She appears to have been in the first stages of
>assimilation when the Borg Queen was killed. While there are borg
>implants present, Spot wasn't so assimilated that she died with the
>other drones.
Obs.: Which is good, as she is the only character on the show with
any redeeming qualities.
Bobo: I thought Spot was a he...
> I believe that, with some work, I can remove the
>implants."
>
>"Very well, doctor," said Picard, "You may commence surgery at any
>time. In light of sickbays. . .um. . .inoperative condition--"
Pearl: He and the doctor need to cut out those wild nights!
>
>"I might have half the Borg equitment out in month," piped in LaForge.
Pearl: [Picard] Did we TELL you you could talk?
Bobo: [LaForge] No sir, sorry sir, I'll be a good token minority,
sir.
>
>"--I'm making the operating theatre at StarFleet Academy avalable,"
Obs.: Right after their showing of Waiting for Godot.
Bobo: That's great! I played Pozzo at the academy back home.
[Stand up, and points dramatically] YOU ARE SEVERE!
[Applause comes from who knows where, Gypsy rushes in with roses, which
Bobo accept, and then she glides back out.]
Pearl: That was surreal.
>continued Picard, "They have equitment that can rival most StarBase's,
Pearl: As well as the 1998 Yankees.
Obs.: "Equitment," well, I suppose that could be used to describe
extraction tools.
>and it will give you an opertunity to show the doctors here for the
>medical confrence on the Borg how to remove Borg impants."
Obs.: [Holds up his bowl, and strokes his brain with his non-hand]
There, there, everything is going to be fine.
Pearl: Isn't it lucky there is a medical 'confrence' on the Borg right
at the same time they attacked earth?
>
>"But I've only done it once," protested Beverly.
Pearl: After that, Wesley was enough of a deterrent.
>
>"Witch makes you the most experienced in StarFleet,"
Bobo: [Picard] So we will build a bridge out of you!
> noted Picard,
>having no knowledge of the Doctor on the USS VOYAGER. But, in
>fairness, those events wouldn't happen for almost a year, so Picard
>was correct.
Pearl: Woah, I think he just burned out his mental clutch on that one.
[A small bit of smoke comes out of Observer's bowl.]
>
>TO BE CONTINUeD
[The smoke increases, and Observer produces a small bottle, and douses
his brain with some fluid.]
>
>Respectfully Submited,
>J'myle Koretz
Pearl: I hope for his sake that's a pseudonym.
>
>ENS Makina Jalta
>NAV--USS YORKTOWN
>ENS Sal'n Endos
>CEO--USS SAM HOUSTON
Obs.: Well, I'm glad he has an active fantasy life, at least.
Pearl: Why do people think anyone else cares about their sim game
accomplishes?
Bobo: Did that "part" seem short to anyone else?
>
>========
>Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
>Subject: NEW: Spot of Borg TNG [PG] 2/3
>From: flt...@aol.com (FltAdm J)
>Date: 28 May 1998 14:35:48 GMT
>
>Spot of Borg
>By Kortex
>NEW 2/3
>TNG
>[PG]
>
>Second Part in the Spot of Borg series. The Questions posed in part
>one give way to more questions.
Bobo: Would you eat beans with George Wendt?...
> Takes place just after "Star Trek:
>First Contact"
>
>Rated PG for medical drama. Innapropriate for "Barney" fans,
Pearl: Sit, Bobo.
>three-year olds, and people who adhere to 1920's values.
Obs.: Ah yes, the moral times of flappers and bathtub gin.
> Remember,
>stress and nervous tension may be caused by un-answered questions, so
>don't say I didn't warn you.
All: You didn't warn us.
>
>This is my first contribution, so any feedback, good or bad, public or
>private, is greatly appreciated. Please. Pretty please? With a
>cherry on top?
>_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_
>+_+
>_+
>
Bobo: Termites with a cherry on top, don't mind if I do!
>Beverly hurried down the long corrodor of StarFleet Academy,
Pearl: [Crusher] Huff! Shouldn't have Puff! eaten that Huff!
third chili dog!
> never
>challenged as to it's standing in the "Top Ten Known Educational
>Facilities",
Bobo: Does that imply a list of top ten UNKNOWN medical
facilities?
> though it, the Vulcan Science Academy, the Betazed
>University, and the Trill Institute were in continual rivalship for
>#1.
Pearl: That's not a run-on sentence, that's a whole marathon.
Obs.: Gasp! This is Star Trek, and something on earth isn't
unanimously thought of as the best?
>
>She hurried through the transport station to StarFleet Medical
>Academy, the best medical institute in the known galaxy.
Pearl: Just behind the Vulcan Science Academy, and Nurses 'R' Us,
with campuses in Antigua and Bermuda.
> Through the
>doors of the operating theatre, where doctors were already starting to
>gather in the seats aranged above the bio-bed.
Bobo: So the seats were blocking the door, and hovering over the
bio-bed?
Obs.: Ouch! My brain!
> A group of technical
>students were testing the holographic projector that would project a
Pearl: lifelike Pamela Anderson Lee
>large magnified image directly above the bio table, in the center of
>the bleachers.
Bobo: Now the CENTER of the bleachers is right above the biobed?
Pearl: I think M.C. Esher designed this place!
> Alyssa was talking with a med student with a camera
>and a black-haired doctor who looked framiliar.
Obs.: Although we won't tell you why or from where, so nyeh!
Pearl: And since we don't know who "Alyssa" is either...
> He had been on the
>FNS recently,
Obs.: Expand your acronyms, explain why these people look familiar,
throw us a bone here, "Admiral" J!
> though Beverly couldn't remember where. Some thing
>about Genetic Engineering. . . probabally unimportant.
Pearl: Then why bring it up??
>
>Beverly continued through to the scrub room, and stepped into the
>sanitation shower. Outside, the student with the holo-cam began to
>record
[Much coughing.]
> one of the most important operations of the century.
Obs.: Wait, so just a bit of veterinary work on Data's damned cat
is the most important operation in the 24th century? What
about when Picard was saved from the Borg, what about when
Worf had his spine completely replaced?
Bobo: Fanboy! Fanboy!
Obs.: That does it! [Bobo vanishes]
Pearl: Bring him back, brain-guy.
>
Obs.: And if I refuse?
Pearl: Well, then, I get to see if that little Jell-O mold brain of
yours tastes as good as it looks. [Pulls out a spoon]
Obs.: Very well.
[Bobo reappears, and looks like he is soaking wet]
>+ + +
Obs.: C code incremental operator?
>
>Data sat at ops, cordinating the power-flow from McInley station to
>the various places where it was needed.
Pearl: Oddly, the holodecks and Troi's office were the main consumers
right now.
> Well, actually, he was just
>watching the computer do it, and occasionally approving a request for
>an increase or deacrease in power from engineering and forwarding it
>to McInley.
Obs.: [Marvin] Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and what do
they say? Watch the readings, Data. Forward our requests,
Data. Pick up that piece of paper, Data. Life. Don't
talk to ME about life!
> It required about 8% of his cognitive abilities,
>ocassionally 18%.
Pearl: No one will be seated in the exciting percentages scene.
>
>What he was really doing was thinking about Spot. He sighed, and
>decided to tap into the broadcast of the surgery.
Pearl: Just as soon as he finished downloading the Tommy-Pam video
> As he accessed the
>ships computer, he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. He
>devoted 25% of his abilities to asertain what it was, and was shortly
>using 98% to tap into it, with the other 2% used to call Captian
>Picard.
Bobo: Ouch, math, it hurts, it hurts!
>
>+ + +
>
>"Picard here," answered the captian.
>
>^This is Data,^
Obs.: No, this is the captain, you are Data.
> came the voice over the Com Pin,
Pearl: As the disembodied wail of lament traveled through the comm
system.
> ^There has been a
>security breach.
Obs.: Which happens when your security officers don't exit the
turbolift head first.
> Starfleet protocol requiers that you return
>immediatly to ENTERPRISE, sir.^
Obs.: [Picard] Are you sure this isn't another damned meeting about
your cat?
>
>Picard put the Com Pin back down on the dresser and gathered one of
>two PADDs together,
Bobo: He gathered one padd *together*? Then can I assume it had
fallen apart?
> then headed for the village transporter. A moment
>later, the Com Pin still lying on the dresser beeped.
Pearl: He made it to captain, but can't remember his Comm Pin. I
guess senility hasn't been cured in the 24th century.
>
>^Shelby to Picard. . .^
>
>TO BE CONTINuED
Bobo: Wait, weren't we promised answers, more questions, and edge of
the seat suspense?
Pearl: I think that was it.
>
>Respectfully Submited,
>J'myle Koretz
>
>ENS Makina Jalta
>NAV--USS YORKTOWN
>ENS Sal'n Endos
>CEO--USS SAM HOUSTON
>
>========
>Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
>Subject: NEW: Spot of Borg: TNG [PG] 3/3
All: Yeah!
>From: flt...@aol.com (FltAdm J)
>Date: 28 May 1998 14:35:50 GMT
>
>Spot of Borg
>By Kortex
>NEW 3/3
>TNG
>[PG]
>
>Very SHORT final part,
Pearl: As opposed to those lengthy tomes that he was putting out.
> leading into a second three-parter
All: NOOOO!
Pearl: There must be a way to keep Clay from getting that!
> I hope to
>finish in about a month and a half
Obs.: It took him that long to write about 9k of text?
> (and start on by later this week :\
Pearl: Oh no, take your time.
Bobo: Don't hurry on our account!
>). Takes place just after "Star Trek: First Contact"
>
>Rated PG for suspense that is unresolved.
Pearl: Translation: Plot holes that I couldn't think how to fill.
> Inappropriate for "Barney"
>fans and kids three and younger. If you've never been to a movie or
>watched TV, may be disturbing.
Obs.: Though if you ARE Amish, you probably wouldn't be able to get
your hands on this, much less have any reason to read it if
you did.
>
>This is my first submission, and I'd LOVE feed back of ANY kind!
>PLEASE!
>
>+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+
>_+_
>+_
>
>Picard hurried out of the turbolift and replaced the young Lt in the
>center seat
Obs.: with a fifteen pound herring.
> . Having to return to the ship for an emergency once
>during drydock was something Picard had done once before, and it had
>almost killed him.
Bobo: Yes, it had once already almost killed him, er, once.
> He wasn't interested in a repeat preformance.
Pearl: After the papers had panned his first one.
>
>"Well, Mr Data?" he inquired of the anderoid at OPS.
Bobo: Ha ha, false alarm, it was just Spot hacking up a hairball.
Obs.: [Peter Funt] Do you see that yellow light over there...?
>
>"Someone bypassed the ships computer lock-outs from StarFleet HQ in
>Califiornia, sir."
>
>Picard frowned. The fleet had two HQ buildings, the main one in San
>Fransisko,
Obs.: So it's on board DS9?
> the other, secondary, smaller, was in paris near the
>Federation Council Buildings.
Pearl: And that depressed him greatly.
>
>"Do we have any clue as to who, Data?"
Bobo: [Data] Why yes, sir, I'm Data.
>
>"No, sir. We don't even have the TIP to specify witch terminal."
Pearl: Data is the Terminal Man.
>
>Picard frowned deeper.
Bobo: Wow. That sounds painful.
> Every federation signal sent from a starbase,
>HQ, or newer starship
Pearl: The fleet has a hell of a time backwards engineering its new
policies.
> , had a Terminal Identification Prefix.
Bobo: As well as a creamy nougat center.
> It added
>a signal at the beggining of communiqe that gave a terminal number
Obs.: But since time and space are unending, a problem arose when the
terminal number kept coming out to be "infinity".
> and
>time index. The lack of one coming from StarFleet HQ was. . .well,
>impossible.
>
>"Thats. . .well, impossible," Picard noted.
Bobo: Cool, I never noticed an echo in here!
Pearl: [Troi] Hey! Restating the obvious is *my* job, captain.
Obs.: But wasn't she on Risa?
Pearl: Most of these stories ignore continuity anyways.
>
>"Yes, captian, and that is what is so disturbing.
Pearl: That, and the way the message is causing blood to pour out of
my console.
> It is impossible,
>yet it has quite clearly happened," contributed Data,
Obs.: No thanks, I gave at the office.
> "Therefor, we
>must assume that StarFleet HQ is aware of what happened. Furthermore,
>we must assume that because they have not contacted us, they don't
>want us to know."
Obs.: But if they didn't know what happen, how could they know that
the Enterprise shouldn't know what's going on? ARGH!
[Smoke rises out of Observer's bowl, and his brain explodes]
Bobo: Ewwww!
>
>"But they didn't count on your skill, Data," finished LaForge, as he
>stepped onto the bridge.
Pearl: [Picard] I thought we had this discussion!
Bobo: [LaForge] Yes, sir. Sorry again, sir. I'll confine myself to
quarters now.
>
>"Captian," he added, coming around to Riker's chair
Pearl: [Freud] Und ow long ave you ad these feelingz zat ze
Kommander's chair iz the kaptain?
> , "Weve managed to
>pin down the exact location of transmission.
[Observer begins to groan.]
Bobo: You Ok?
Obs.: Der fweeEe lalala!
Bobo: He's fine.
> Though it uses HQ code,
>it's coming from twelve floors below the bottom floor of HQ's
>basement, and not from HQ's transmitter."
Obs.: ARGH! [There is another, smaller explosion].
Pearl: This better end soon.
>
>"So what is there?" asked Picard.
Pearl: It's a pronoun specifying a location, but that's not
important right now!
>
>"According to our databases and sensor sweeps, Captian," said Data,
>turning, "solid rock."
Pearl: It's always helpful to have that solid rock database.
>
>THE eND
Pearl&Bobo: YEAH!
>
>OF THE BeGINNING
Bobo: Huh?
[There is a sad fizzing noise from Observer].
>
>
>Respectfully Submited,
>J'myle Koretz
Pearl: Come on, Bobo, help me get him out of here.
>
>ENS Makina Jalta
>NAV--USS YORKTOWN
[Pearl and Bobo get up, and help Observer out of the threater]
>ENS Sal'n Endos
>CEO--USS SAM HOUSTON
>
>
>
[1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ...]
[SoL bridge. Observer's bowl is filed with a bit of green ooze, and
his non-body is standing around with a bemused look].
Bobo: [Off screen] Oh come on, where is that darned--[crash!]
Pearl: Hurry up, fur face!
Bobo: [OS] Well, it's not my fault the lights are oWWW!
Pearl: Why do I put up with this?
[Mads light flashes]
Pearl: Oh great. [Pushes the button].
[CF]
Dr.F: I hope you enjoyed your first little adventure in PAIN! I see
that your pale friend didn't fare too well. Aww, does da widdle
bwainie hurt?
[SoL]
Obs.: Fweee LARCH oy!
Bobo: [OS] Found it!
[CF]
Mike: Ah good, just in time for part two. Want to do the honors,
Ortega?
Ortega: Fhfjdsucnemeinmenmwus masnsjfm!
[Ortega pulls the lever, and the results "KLINGONS" "ADVENTURE" and "PG"
come up.]
[SoL. Bobo comes in with a new brain for Observer. Just as his non-
body begins to compose, the lights and sirens go off]
Obs.: NO! NEW PAIN!
All: We have fanfic sign!
[6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ...]
[Everyone files in, and sits in the same seats as before.
> STAR TREK TNG
Obs.: Well, at least we aren't waisting anytime getting this one
underway!
>
> "KLINGON TERROR"
Bobo: I'm scared!
>
>ON THE BRIDGE
Pearl: Alright, we hear you, no need to yell!
> THE RED ALERT SOUNDED AS COMMANDER RIKER
Obs.: Well, using Riker's voice as the Red Alert should certainly
get everyone's attention.
> GAVE
>
Pearl: Himself enough time to think.
>THE ORDER FOR SHIELDS UP."REPORT NUMBER 1."
Bobo: Last time was at 1100 hours, after I had that third glass
of Earl Grey.
> SAID PICARD COMING
>
Obs.: Poorly timed space there!
>OUT OF
Pearl: The closet.
> HIS READY ROOM."TWO KLINGON WARSHIPS OFF THE PORT BOW.
All: [Sing-Song] Klingons off the Starboard bow, starboard bow,
starboard bow...
>
>"SAID RIKER. "OPEN HAILING REQUENCIES."ORDERED PICARD.
Obs.: [Worf] I can hear you perfectly well, there is not need to
shout!
> "THEY ARE
>
>IGNORING US CAPTAIN."SAID WORF.
Bobo: Sounds like a plan!
> "THEY ARE OPENING FIRE CAPTAIN.
>
Pearl: Wasn't that Jim Carey's roll on In Living Color?
>"SHOUTED WORF.
Obs.: Shouted this whole damned thing!
> THE SHIP ROCKED AND TOSSED."RETURN FIRE!"ORDERED
>
>PICARD."MINIMAL DAMAGE TO THEIR
Obs.: Ear drums.
> FORWARD SHIELDS."WORF SAID."FIRE
>
>TORPEDOS!"SHOUTED RIKER
Bobo: [Picard] Hey! I'll do the order shouting around here!
> "ONE SHIP WITH SHIELDS DOWN."WORF REPORTED.
>
>"REOPEN FIRE!"
Pearl: [Worf] But we can't return it after it's been opened!
> ORDERED PICARD."TARGET DESTROYED."
Bobo: Oh, well that was easy.
> SAID WORF."REPORT."
>
>SAID RIKER."MINIMAL DAMAGE TO PORT NACEL."WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?"
Obs.: I'd say it was about, oh, 5 poorly written sentences.
>
>SAID RIKER."UNKNOWN SIR" SAID WORF.
Pearl: It might not be too well written, but at least he has a handle
on Worf's character.
> "INFORM STARFLEET COMMAND."SAID
>
>RIKER."SET COURSE FOR STAR BASE 236.ENGAGE!"COMMANDED PICARD."
[All sit in silence for a few moments.]
Bobo: What?
Obs.: That's it?
Pearl: Let's get out of here.
Bobo: But where was the terror?
[They all get up to leave]
[1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ...]
[SoL Bridge, Observer is alone. One of the lights goes off, but not
for sign.]
Obs.: [yelling] RED ALERT!
Pearl: [Coming on screen] WHAT IS UP?!
Bobo: [Walks on, and takes his place at a station that usually isn't
there.]
Obs.: WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!
Pearl: BY WHOM?!
Bobo: THEY WON'T IDENTIFY THEMSELVES!
Pearl: OPEN FIRE!
Bobo: THEY'RE DESTROYED!
Obs.: WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?
Bobo: WE'RE BEING HAILED BY THE CASTLE!
Pearl: ON SCREEN!
[CF. All are present]
DrF: Hello, mother, fairing well? I hope not.
[SoL]
Pearl: WHAT?!
Bobo: I CAN'T BOOST THE VOLUME, SORRY!
Pearl: PLEASE REPEAT!
[CF]
DrF: I said...
[Sol]
All: WHAT?!
[CF]
DrF: [Yelling] I SAID I HOP YOU AREN'T FAIRING WELL! AND WHAT
ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!
[Mike and Ortega are staring at him, laughing.]
[SoL]
All: [Begin to crack up]
Bobo: See, I told you we could pull it off.
Obs.: Alright, I owe you a banana, I guess.
[CF]
DrF: [Indignant] Well, I hope you had your fun, cause this WON'T
be! [Pull the level, and the tumblers fall on "NON-STAND.
CHAR." "DAILY LIFE" "PG." The light flashes, and Forrester
hits it quite excitedly.]
[SoL]
[Panic, buzzers.]
Bobo: Once more into the void goeth we!
Pearl: Shut up and get in here!
[6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ...]
[The trio enters the theater, and sits down.]
>From
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