<MiSTing> MMPR:TM- The Script [6/11]
TCurryFan
<@ 1 2 3 4 5 6>
<SOL- Bridge>
<We see Tom spinning madly, making "HIYAH!" sounds and trying to
use his arms for karate-chops. CROW comes in... He looks
like a big, black, not-very-scary chicken>
CROW: Do we HAVE to do this, Tom? I feel like a goofball!
TOM: Oh, bite me, it'll be fun!
CROW: <sigh> OK... cluck... cluck... cluck-cluck....
<MIKE walks in>
MIKE: Uhhh... fellas? What's going on here?
TOM: <to MIKE> I am the Red Ranger! And he's a Tengu warrior.
<to CROW> And they DON'T "cluck", they "squawk"! <to MIKE
again>We're doing a scene from today's movie.
MIKE: Right. Are, ummm... you guys going to have a cool karate
fight or something?
CROW: <unenthusiastically> Squawk... squawk... squawk....
<CROW starts pecking at the ground like a chicken>
TOM: Ummm... CROW! You're supposed to be a feirce- albiet
extremely stupid- warrior! You're NOT a chicken!
CROW: Well _how_ am I supposed to be "fierce" when I'm
MOLTING?!?
<CROW flaps his approximations of wings. Feathers fly all about>
TOM: We're supposed to be fighting, nimrod! Take a swing at me!
CROW: I feel stupid, Tom... How did I let you talk me into
this?
TOM: I didn't "talk" you into this. It was honorable,
respectable, out-and-out blackmail. Now swing at me, ya
baby!
<CROW make a feeble attempt to peck at TOM>
MIKE: Oh, yeah... This is really exciting...
<TOM watches CROW with disgust>
CROW: Uhhhh... hiya.
<CROW fluffs a wing and showers TOM with feathers>
TOM: <coff coff> Crow! Oh, now it's ruined.. The whole skit!!
<TOM starts crying>
TOM: I was just trying to bring a little joy into our dismal
lives.. IS THAT SO WRONG?!
<MIKE tries consoling TOM>
MIKE: There, there, guy. It wasn't a *total* failure... I
mean... Crow's outfit looks really good!
CROW: Yeah... I'm kind of starting to like it! Cluck...
cluck... cluck....
TOM: You're NOT a CHICKEN!!!
CROW: Cluck... Cluck...
MIKE: We'll be right back...
<MIKE tucks CROW's head under a wing>
CROW: <snoooorrrrrreeeee>
<Commercials>
<6 5 4 3 2 @>
<SOL- Theater>
TOM: One little fight scene! Is that too much to ask?
MIKE: Relax, Tom...
> 43C thru 47 OMITTED
CROW: More stuff that was even too bad for THIS movie...
>
> 48 EXT. DULCEA'S GARDEN / PHAEDOS - DAY 48
>
> Dulcea and the Rangers are gathered around a bird-bath stand
> with FLAMES leaping out of it.
TOM: Must make it hard for the birds.
>
> DULCEA
> In the language of the
> Nathadians, "Nin" stands for
> "man", "jetti" stands for
> "animal". Ninjetti - man and
> animal, together as one.
MIKE: Which is illegal in most states.
> (beat)
> Now, put your hands inside the
> flame.
MIKE: Oh, I don't THINK so...
>
> AISHA
> Yeah, right.
>
> DULCEA
> It will not harm you.
>
> The kids hesitate a moment, then reluctantly put their hands
> inside the flame.
ALL: AAAAAAAHH!
TOM: <as Dulcea> Oh, I LOVE that joke! Oh, man... But
seriously, kids...
> Aisha makes a horrific expression...
>
> AISHA
> Just kidding.
>
> They remove their hands -- they're filled with sand.
>
> AISHA
> Wow. Sand.
TOM: Gee, she's got a lot of faith, doesn't she?
>
> DULCEA
> Now tell me... what do you see?
ALL: Sand.
>
> Aisha studies the sand for a moment -- it MAGICALLY TAKE ON
> THE SHAPE OF A BEAR.
>
> AISHA (bedazzled)
> I see... a bear
>
> DULCEA
> Aisha, you are the Bear, stalwart
> and bold.
>
> AISHA
> Stylin'!
TIOM: See, she says stuff like that cuz she's Black...
CROW & MIKE: Ahhhhh...
>
> Dulcea turns to Rocky. His sand MAGICALLY TAKES ON THE SHAPE
> OF AN APE.
>
> ROCKY
> I see... an Ape.
>
> DULCEA
> Rocky, you are the Mighty Ape.
MIKE: And, ya know, it seems SO appropriate...
>
> We see each of them DISCOVER THEIR ANIMAL.
>
> BILLY
> I see... a fox
>
> DULCEA
> Close. Billy, you are the Wolf,
> cunning and swift.
TOM: Wait... Of all of them, BILLY gets it wrong? Even I know
the difference between a wolf and a fox, and I've never
been to a zoo!
CROW: Maybe his contacts are dirty?
>
> And now Kimberly. She studies hers for a moment. It looks
> like a bird.
>
> KIMBERLY
> I think its some kind of bird.
MIKE: If you were a bird; what kind of bird would you be?
>
> DULCEA
> Kimberly, you are the Crane,
> agile and sublime.
MIKE: <singing> The only family that she's ever had are her 7
older brothers and a drunk-ass dad...
>
> Now Adam.
>
> ADAM
> That's gotta be a frog.
TOM: Ribbit.
>
> DULCEA
> Adam, you are the Frog, quick as
> lightning.
>
> And finally, Tommy.
>
> TOMMY
> It's... an eagle?
>
> DULCEA
> Look closer.
MIKE: <as Dulcea> Not as my chest, Tommy, at the SAND...
>
> TOMMY
> ... A falcon?
>
> DULCEA
> Tommy, you are the Falcon, Winged
> Lord of the Sky.
TOM: Tommy Oliver, Lord of the Dance!
>
> Kimberly regards Dulcea with true admiration.
CROW: <as Kimberly> Wow; you're like, cool, and some junk!
>
> KIMBERLY
>
> How do you know so much about the
> Ninjetti?
>
> Dulcea stands tall and proud.
CROW: Va-va-voom!!!
>
> DULCEA
> I... am the sole living
> descendant of the "Nathadians".
ALL: Ahhhhh...
> (beat)
> Now prepare yourselves for the
> most intense physical and mental
> training known to man and animal.
MIKE: Working for Haim Saban!
'BOTS: NOOOOOOOO!!!
>
> 48A INT. KELMAN HOUSE / LIVING ROOM - DAY (OLD SC 44)
>
> Fred enters the living room and searches for his Dad.
>
> FRED
> Dad... ??!
>
> He heaves a frustrated sigh.
TOM: I wonder how heavy a frustrated sigh is?
>
>
> 48B INT. KELMAN HOUSE / MASTER BEDROOM - DAY (OLD SC 45)
>
> Fred enters the empty master bedroom, a look of concern coming
> over him.
>
> FRED
> DAD?!
MIKE: You dad's gone, kid- he never loved you.
>
> 48C EXT. KELMAN HOUSE - DAY (OLD SC 46) 48C
>
> Fred comes outside as several KIDS approach, all of them
> looking forlorn.
>
> KID #1
> You seen my parents?
>
> FRED
> I can't find my dad either.
>
> KID #2
> What's going on?!
CROW: Oh, the only reason they're upset about their parents is
that now they won't have anyone to cook dinner for them!
>
> Suddenly a WILD KID wearing grunge clothes runs by HOWLING
> LIKE A BANSHEE. He's holding a container of ooze in one hand
> and a baseball bat in the other. He SMASHES a couple of
> trash cans with his bat.
>
> WILD KID
> Ooze, ooze, ooze rules!!
>
> The kid BASHES IN a mailbox then runs off. Fred looks
> startled.
>
> FRED
> That guy was the student body
> President
MIKE: Hell, in some schools, that wouldn't be surprising
behavior for the principal!
>
> 49 thru 50 OMITTED
>
> 51 EXT. DULGEA'S GARDEN - DAY 51
>
> Kimberly and Snoggle observe as Dulcea walks ON HER HANDS
TOM: Causing her skirt to rise up so all the kids can see her-
MIKE: THAT'S enough, Tom...
TOM: I was gonna say "bloomers"!
MIKE: Suuure...
> across a narrow bamboo log that spans a pond. A waterfall
> churns in the b.g.
CROW: Diarrhea is like a storm churning inside you...
>
> DULCEA
> The crane maintains it's agility
> through the perfect harmony of
> mind, body and spirit.
MIKE: And dropping a little acid doesn't hurt, either.
CROW: Woo-hoo!
>
> She leaps into the air, does a ROUND-HOUSE KICK, lands
> perfectly on the narrow span.
TOM: So, she's a cross between Jackie Chan and Mary Lou Retton?
>
> KIMBERLY
> Awesome!
>
> Dulcea reaches the end of the log, flips through the air lands
> flawlessly on the ground.
>
> Kimberly heaves a sigh, climbs onto the bamboo and start
> walking across, balancing precariously on her hands.
>
> She gets about a quarter of the way, loses her balance, and
> falls into the shallow pond.
<the guys hold up little signs>
MIKE: 8.5
TOM: 8.0
CROW: 10.00
MIKE: Huh?
CROW: I'm a sucker for brunettes.
>
> Snoggle laughs, making a loud HONKING SOUND. Kimberly
> recovers, shoots him a look.
CROW: <as Kimberly> Bite me, you little creep!
>
> KIMBERLY
> Let's see you do it .
>
> SNOGGLE (indignant)
> Ghun Phnug Gnouphl.
>
> He marches to the pole, Dulcea holds him back.
TOM: Hold me back, little pink person!
MIKE: Tom, most people are NOT gonna get that
TOM: Yeah, but those who do are gonna really appreciate it.
>
> DULCEA
> Snoggle, we don't have time for
> you to show off
MIKE: ...your stamp collection.
>
> 52 thru 53 OMITTED
>
> 53A EXT. DULCEA'S GARDEN / PHAEDOS - DAY 53A
>
> Dulcea and Rocky are standing at the bottom of a twenty foot
> pole with an exotic oriental carving
CROW: Should I point out the sexual imagery in this scene?
MIKE: No,
CROW: Ok, I won't, then.
>
> DULCEA
> The ape is strong, but more
> importantly it is flexible and
> free.
CROW: How about now?
MIKE: Nope.
CROW: Ok.
>
> Dulcea now SCRAMBLES UP THE POLE WITH THE NIMBLENESS OF A
> SPIDER. In less than ten seconds she reaches the top. Rocky
> shakes his head in disbelief.
>
> ROCKY
> Who is this lady?
TOM: Dulcea, last descendent of the Nathadians. Duh.
>
> Now she SLIDES DOWN like a firewoman,
CROW: How 'bout now, Mike?
MIKE: Sorry, no.
> drops beside Rocky. He
> takes hold of the pole, focuses for a moment.
>
> ROCKY
> Here goes!
MIKE: Now, Crow.
CROW: Well. NOW I can't think of anything!
MIKE: Oh. Sorry.
>
> It starts SCURRYING UPWARD.
MIKE: "It"?
TOM: Well, again, that DOES seem an appropriate description for
Rocky.
> He gets about fifteen feet in the
> air, loses his grip, PLUMMETS AND SLAMS TO THE GROUND.
MIKE: But he lands on his head, so he's fine.
>
> 54A EXT. DULCEA'S GARDEN / PHAEDOS - DAY (OLD SC 53) 54A
>
> Dulcea and Billy circle one another, fighting with spinning
> WHISTLING sticks.
>
> Dulcea is blindfolded, Billy isn't.
CROW: Wow, I didn't know Billy was into bondage.
MIKE: Dulcea, on the other hand...
CROW: Well, yeah, but shouldn't HE be the one blindfolded?
MIKE: Good point.
>
> DULCEA
> The wolf relies on it's enhanced
> senses to guide it... He can
> hear what we cannot hear, he can
> smell what we cannot smell.
MIKE: Feel what we cannot feel.
TOM: Taste what we cannot taste
CROW: Lick what we cannot lick.
>
> Billy takes SWING after SWING -- Dulcea easily DEFLECTS every
> blow.
MIKE: <as Dulcea> C'mon, wussy boy! What's 'a matter sissy?
Can't beat a girl, ya pansy?
>
> Now Dulcea takes numerous SWINGS, THWACKING Billy repeatedly
> and finally KNOCKING him INTO THE WATER.
TOM: And once again, Billy ends up...
ALL: In the water...
>
> 54B EXT. DULCEA'S GARDEN / PHAEDOS - DAY 54B
>
> Dulcea, Adam and Snoggle stand in an area filled with FLYING
> INSECTS.
<Tom makes "smacking" noises>
MIKE: <as Adam> Damn mosquitos!
>
> DULCEA
> The frog remains still and silent
> while it assesses its target...
> then strikes out in the blink of
> an eye.
>
> We hear a TRILLING SOUND
TOM: Who's trilling out here? Stop that trilling!
> as Dulcea watches some kind of insect
> dart around her.
>
> THWAP! The TRILLING SOUND is gone. Dulcea has literally
> caught the insect in the blink of an eye. Adam shakes his
> head in disbelief.
MIKE: Oh, what, she doesn't EAT it?
TOM: Really... I mean, knowing _this_ movie...
>
> He waits a moment, hears a TAT-TAT-TAT sound
CROW: And is ripped apart by machine gun fire.
>
and watches a
> insect zip around him. He lashes out numerous times,
> missing the insect completely.
MIKE: You such an idiot, Daniel-san.
TOM: He needs some chopsticks.
>
> THWUMP! With lightning speed Snoggle VACUUMS the fly into his
> snout. CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH.
>
> Adam speaks under his breath.
>
> ADAM
> Show off.
MIKE: Oh, you're just upset that you didn't get to eat the bug,
Adam.
>
> 54C EXT. DULCEA'S GARDEN / PHAEDOS - DAY (OLD SC 52) 54C
>
> Aisha watches as Dulcea goes into a bear stance.
CROW: So, she gets on all fours?
MIKE: Ohhh... I don't know...
>
> DULCEA
> The bear is sturdy as a towering
> tree. Nothing can uproot it.
CROW: Cuz bears don't have roots, see...
>
> Snoggle CHARGES Dulcea, SLAMS INTO HER. She remains as rooted
> as a tree. Snoggle meanwhile suffers some serious bodily
> damage.
ALL: WOO-HOO!!!
>
> AISHA
> Girl, you've got to be kidding
> me.
TOM: Oh, yeah, like THIS lady has a sense of humor...
>
> Snoggle recovers and faces Aisha. Aisha shrugs, goes into a
> bear stance. Snoggle charges, SLAMS INTO HER and sends HER
> FLYING!
ALL: <singing> Up, up and awaaaaaay, in my beautiful balloon...
>
> 54D thru 54E OMITTED
>
> 54F EXT. DULCEA'S GARDEN / PHAEDOS - DAY 54F
>
> Dulcea and Tommy are standing on a towering rock rising out of
> a dark lake.
>
> DULCEA
> The falcon never struggles with
> the air, but rather becomes one
> with it.
>
> Now Dulcea does the impossible. She LEAPS OFF THE ROCK, SOARS
> FIFTY FEET through the air, AND LANDS on another protruding
> rock. Tommy is stunned.
MIKE: Not that that takes much...
TOM: Yeah, long division makes him comatose.
>
> DULCEA (calling out)
> JOIN WITH THE FORCES OF NATURE!
CROW: <as Tommy> Well, I did that once, but my parents caught me
and sent me to a psychiatrist...
>
> Tommy psyches himself up.
>
> TOMMY
> You can do this. You can do
> this. You can do this...
ALL: <laugh>
>
> He spreads his arms out, LEAPS... and DROPS LIKE A ROCK
> exploding into THE BLACK WATER.
CROW: Joining Billy, who's decided to stay in the water; since
he's gonna end up there anyway...
>
> 54G INT. COMMAND CENTER - NIGHT (OLD SC 54E) 54G
>
> Alpha fusses over Zordon, who is looking a good ten years
> older.
MIKE: Get that guy some Retin-A!
>
> ZORDON
> ... Alpha, I am deeply concerned
> about the Rangers...
MIKE: We all are, dear.
>
> ALPHA 5
> I told them it was too dangerous,
> but they wouldn't listen.
TOM: Do they ever?
>
> ZORDON
> ... We must try to communicate
> with them.
>
> Alpha looks out over the decimated Command Center.
>
> ALPHA 5
> Perhaps if I could locate a
> vertical-deflector then I could
> assemble a holographic-comlink.
MIKE: Oh, well, if THAT'S all you have to do...
>
> Zordon shudders in pain, closes his eyes. Alpha watches over
> his mentor, shakes his head in anguish.
>
> ALPHA
> Ay, yi, yi, yi, yi .
ALL: AAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!
>
>
> 55 OMITTED
MIKE: <singing> I can't write-
ALL: Fifty-fiiiiiive!
<Commercials>
"Did anything about that seem strange to you?"
-Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones), _Men_in_Black_
Catherine Johnson ---------- MiSTie #75,125 ---------- TCur...@aol.com