[MiSTing] "Off Road Brawl" (1/1) THE SPECIAL EDITION
Tjats
Turn down your lights (if you want to)
In the not-too-distant future
On the Satelite of Love
Mike Nelson and his robot pals
Are in orbit above:
The planet Earth, this century
Where Pearl Forrester sends them all misery
She finds bad fanfics right off the street
And she'll send them up to Mike until he bows down to her feet!
(Mike: Make it stop!)
"I'll send him cheesy stories,
The worst I can find!(lalala)
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And I'll monitor his mind!(lalala)"
Now keep in mind Mike can't control
Which fanfic she'll send him next.(lalala)
He'll try and suffer through them all,
With the help of his robot friends!
ROBOT ROLL CALL
CAMBOT!("Hit it")
GYPSY!("Oh, my!")
TOM SERVO!("Find my eyes, I dare ya!")
CROOOOOOW!("You know you want me, baby!")
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,
And other science facts,
Go get a degree physics,
or really just relax!
for Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000!
1...2...3...4...5...6...
[SOL int.] Mike is standing in front of the counter next to Cambot on the
right. Behind the
counter are Gypsy, Servo, and Crow.
MIKE: Oh, hi everyone. Welcome to the Satelite of Love. It's April Fools'
Day on Earth, so
I decided to have some fun up here. You see, I've switched all the 'Bots
personalities, so they
all have different bodies. I put Crow in Servo, Servo in Gypsy, and Gypsy in
Crow. This should
really be funny.
Camera zooms in on the 'Bots.
CROW[talks like Gypsy]: Hey, guys. I've got to go run the ship before our
orbit decays and we
all burn up in Earth's atmosphere.
GYPSY[talks like Servo]: Well okay, Crow, you do that--Crow? You're supposed
to let Gypsy run the
ship and clean up after us and stuff! It won't be fair to her if you do all
the work!
SERVO[talks like Crow]: I didn't say anything, Gyps! And why are you talking
like Servo?
You're Gypsy! Gypsy rose you!
CROW[Gypsy]: What? I didn't say anything! Servo, I think you're nuts!
[Crow(Gypsy) leaves.]
GYPSY[Servo]: Why am *I* nuts? I'm not the one that said you sound like
Gypsy!
SERVO[Crow]: But you *are* Gypsy!
-commercial sign-
[Mike steps back into the picture.]
MIKE: We'll be right back.
[commercial boasting that Titanic is the best and you should see it for the
twentieth time]
[SOL int.] Mike, Servo, and Crow are behind the counter.
MIKE: Okay, I've switched you back to normal. Are you happy now?
SERVO[talks like Cambot]: Yeah, Mike, I feel a lot better now.
CROW[talks like Magic Voice]: Incomming call from Castle Forrester.
-mads sign-
[Mike looks at the 'Bots in confusion.]
[Castle Forrester] Pearl is too close to the camera for comfort.
PEARL: I'VE DONE IT!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
[Camera backs away, showing a large television in the back to the left of the
fireplace.]
PEARL: Yes, Mike, I have finnaly figured out the key to world domination!
Using this television,
I have been able to--
[SOL] Mike is using a screwdriver on Crow's neck.
MIKE: Find bad television shows for us to watch?
CROW[talks like Crow]: -click- Not like Gemini Man, I hope.
[Mike removes the screwdriver from Crow and inserts it into Tom.]
[CF]
PEARL: No, you fool! I can now use this television to--
[SOL] Mike has finished with Tom.
SERVO[talks like Servo]: Take control of regular human brain wave activity in
order to
make them obey your every command?
[CF]
PEARL: NO! NO! NO! I have been able to tap into the cable network and have
free, unlimited access
to the WB! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
[SOL]
MIKE: Well, that makes a lot of sense--HUH????
[CF]
PEARL: You see, now I can watch "Pinky and the Brain" every weekday and find
out how they fail
in their quest to rule the world so I can better myself!
[SOL]
MIKE: Well, the only way Brain fails is by having a sidekick that's dumber
than a box of rocks!
SERVO and CROW: MIKE!
MIKE: Oops.
[CF] Pearl is in deep thought.
PEARL: You-you're right! [evil smile] Bobo! Come here!
[Bobo enters eating a tub of chocolate ice cream.]
BOBO: Yes, Lawgiver?
PEARL: Go jump off the nearest cliff, won't you?
BOBO: Certainly!
[Bobo trudges off to the right. We hear him jump out of a window and crash far
below.]
PEARL: Thanks for alerting me to that one important fact, Mike. Your reward
is a fan comic by
someone so embarrased, he didn't even put his name on it! It's called
"Off-Road Brawl". Have a nice
day.
[SOL]
SERVO: Real smart, Mike!
CROW: Did someone remove your brain and insert a jello mold?
-movie sign-
MIKE: Cut it out! Cut it out! Movie sign!
6...5...4...3...2...1...
>Slick-Issue Zero-May 1998
>"Off-Road Brawl"
SERVO: Slippery Slick!
CROW: Heh, slick as a woman's-
MIKE: Stop now.
>page one(copywright info at bottom)
[Servo "dun-da-dun-dunnn"s the Dragnet theme]
>P1-(1/3) Shadowy figure is carrying a bomb.
MIKE: Bomb blows up. The end.
>He is walking in the heat of a desert with tall mountains in the background
>SHADOWY FIGURE(thinking)
>Hah. My plan is going perfectly.
>P2-(1/3) Close-up of gleaming white eyes
CROW: Oh, he's an X-Man.
>SHADOW
MIKE: It's the Shadow!
[Servo and Crow hum the Shadow theme]
>I'll plant the bomb and blow them all
>to bits! Hahaha.
[Mike does the Krankor laugh]
>P3-(1/3) Shadowy figure is seen in some light to reveal a sumo wresteler.
He's startled
CROW: ...to learn he's not wearing any pants.
>VOICE(oop)
>And just where do you think
>you're going with that?
SERVO[as sumo wrestler]: Uh...Washington?
>SUMDUMGUY
>What?
MIKE: Who's Sumdumguy?
CROW: Did the writer finaly think of a name for the shadowy figure?
>
>pages 2 and 3
>P1-(full, spng. 2 pgs.) Title displayed in grunge lettering.
CROW: Suddenly from out of nowhere, the title pops up!
SERVO: Grunge lettering?
>Slick jumps sumo wresteler, who drops the bomb.
CROW: Kaboom!
>SUMDUMGUY
>Who are you!?
MIKE[as Michael Keaton]: I'm Batman.
>SLICK
>The name's Slick! Gimme the goods!
>
CROW[as Sumdumguy]: The crack? Oh, sure!
>page four
MIKE: It's gonna be a long night, guys.
>P1-(1/3) Sumo wresteler picks up the bomb. Slick is behind him
SERVO: This guy doesn't want to use periods, does he?
MIKE: He's Jim Davis.
>SUMDUMGUY
>What I'm doing is none of your business!
>SLICK
>Oh, really?
CROW[as Slick]: I'm here for ISO-9001 Certification.
>P2-(1/6) Slick punches Sumo
>SLICK
>Where did you get that idea?
MIKE[as Slick]: Your *parents* told you there's no Santa Claus, didn't they?
>P3-(1/6) Slick is tossed by sumo guy
SERVO: You mean Sumdumguy.
>SUMDUMGUY
>You should know better than
>to cross the path of Sumdumguy!
MIKE: Black Slicks give me bad luck!
>P4-(1/6) Slick brushes off and gets back up
>SLICK
>You sure are, fellah!
CROW: Sure is what?
>Now give me that bomb before you get hurt.
>P5-(1/6) Sumdumguy walks off
>SUMDUMGUY
>I don't have time to toy with you!
SERVO: I wanna make fun of that line sooooo bad!
MIKE: Hold it back, Servo.
>
>page five
CROW: At least the pages are going fast.
SERVO: How many are there, anyway?
MIKE: Knowing Pearl? More than we can handle.
>P1-(1/6) Slick gets up
>SLICK
>Wow, that guy's tough.
MIKE: It took him seven pannels to figure that out.
CROW: Well, Slick isn't exactly the sharpest nail in the toolbox.
>P2-(1/6) Slick walks away from the pannel front
SERVO: A pannel front will be moving in later today, but for now we've got
some clear
skies.
>SLICK
>Still...
MIKE[as Slick]: I have to get back to my dirty, powerless one-room ghetto
apartment.
>P3-(1/3) Slick comes up to a rusty old jeep parked on the side of the road
MIKE[as Slick]: And here it is.
>SLICK
>...I can't give up on him!
>If he plants that bomb, hundreds of
>people could get killed!
CROW: So Sumdumguy's a gardener...?
P4-(1/3) Slick jumps in the car. Backseat view towards the front, where a
small screen has
a red dot
SERVO: He's tracking Rudolph!
>SLICK
>Alright! Let's get this show
>on the road!
CROW: Isn't this supposed to be an off-road brawl?
MIKE: Nah, more like a freeway free-for-all.
>
>page six
>P1-(1/3) Pullback shot as Slick drives into a small town(3 buildings) Sign
along the road reads
SERVO: "Watch out for snakes!"
>"Welcome to Dullsville-Pop. 5"
MIKE: Pop 5 Tylenol gel-tabs and you'll be alergy free for 12 hours.
>P2-(1/6) Slick parks the car
>P3-(1/6) Slick gets out
>P4-(1/6) Slick walks up to Sherrif's Office
>P5-(1/6) Slick opens the door
MIKE: Slick sees the room.
SERVO: Slick walks across the room.
CROW: Slick enters the kitchen.
MIKE: Slick goes to the refrigerator.
SERVO: Slick gets a beer.
CROW: Slick gets in bed with girlfriend and does the nas-
MIKE: EVERYBODY STOP!
>SLICK
>Yo! Anyone home?
>
>page seven
CROW: of Nine.
SERVO: That was weak.
CROW: I had to say something.
>P1-(1/3) Girl behind desk stands up. She's wering a cowboy hat and brown vest
with a star on it.
MIKE: She's wering a cowboy hat? Does that mean she's been bitten by one and
is now becoming it?
>Sign on desk reads "Sherrif"
SERVO: A sign that can read! Wow!
CROW: *That* was weak.
>FIONA
>Well, howdy stanger. What brings
>you to Dullsville?
SERVO: Sex.
MIKE: CROW!
CROW: ????
MIKE: Oops. SERVO!
SERVO: Fooled you, didn't I?
>P2-(1/3) Slick is heart-eyed
>SLICK
>Well, uh...I...um...gee.
[Servo makes perverted noises]
MIKE: Cut that out.
>FIONA(oop)
>You gonna just stand there and drool
>all day or spit it out?
CROW: She's got Bunnie Rabbot's accent.
>P3-(1/6) Slick gets his act together
MIKE: What kind of lame scene discription is that?
>SLICK
>Uh, well, There's this big sumo wrestler-type
>guy wandering around this area, and...
CROW: ...He, uh...kinda...kicked the crap outa me...
>P4-(1/6) Fiona taps her chin
SERVO[as Fiona]: Eew, I *am* growing hairs there, aren't I?
>FIONA
>Y'all mean that big galoot Sumdumguy?
MIKE: "Galoot"?
>That man's just a huge bucket 'o' guts.
>
SERVO: One free bucket 'o' guts every Wednesday night with the order of a 3
dollar chicken
dinner at Minard's!
>page eight
>P1-(1/3) Slick(rear) is talking to Fiona is terrified
SERVO: His sentences are crashing together.
CROW: Slick's *rear*?
>SLICK
>Yeah. That guy's dangerous. He's got
>a bomb, and-
SERVO: Did I mention he kicked the crap outa me? He did.
>FIONA
>A bomb! Heavens, we've got to
>stop him!
MIKE: If Heaven existed, this story would be over by now!
>P2-(1/6) Slick
>SLICK
>Yes, that's why I'm here. By the way, miss...
>Who are you?
CROW: Amanda Hugankis.
SERVO: Alotta Vagina.
CROW: Lorena Bobbit.
SERVO: Janet Jackson.
>P3-(1/6) Fiona is comming on
ALL: No! Please! Don't!
>FIONA
>Well, heavens. I'm just a little 'ol
>sherrif.
CROW: She said "heavens" already.
>My name's Fiona.
>P4-(1/6) Slick
>SLICK
>Mine's Nick T. Slick. But you
>can just call me Slick.
SERVO: How origonal.
>P5-(1/6) Fiona
>FIONA
CROW: Heavens!
>What's the "T" stand for?
SERVO: Totaly senseless.
CROW: Tubby.
SERVO: Tiberius.
MIKE: The.
SERVO and CROW: Huh?
>SLICK(oop)
MIKE: As in "Oops, I forgot to add plot and tension. Oh, well".
>That's uh...personal.
CROW: So his name is Nick That's uh...personal Slick?
MIKE: It *does* start with a T...
>Anyway, we've got to stop that
>dumb guy!
SERVO: No, *Sum*dumguy!
>
>page nine
>P1-(1/6)Slick is walking out the door
MIKE[as Slick]: Well, 'bye! Let me know how things work out!
>FIONA
>I've got a few horses out back...
SERVO: pchuh.
>SLICK
>I've got a Jeep.
CROW[as Fiona]: Heavens!
>P2-(1/6) Fiona is on the porch looking sarcastic, we're looking out the
pasenger side.
SERVO: LOOK OUT, PASENGER SIDE!
>Slick is walking over in front
>FIONA
>Oh, my! Don't you have style!
MIKE: Translated, that means "Heavens!".
>P3-(1/3) Shot over Fiona's shoulder. Slick is in the car, motioning her in
SERVO[as Slick]: Come fall into my sex trap.
>SLICK
>It may not look like much, but it's
>got it where it counts, kid. I've
>made a few special modifications myself.
CROW: NO FAIR! YOU CAN'T QUOTE STAR WARS!!!
>FIONA
>Do you always quote movies?
>SLICK
>Only the bad ones.
SERVO: Ouch.
MIKE: Zing!
>Get in.
>P4-(1/6) Fiona opens the pasenger door
>FIONA
>Goodness! What in tarnation is that?
CROW: It's nice to know she's broadened her exclamation vocabulary.
>P5-(1/6) Close up of radar screen.
MIKE: He looted James Bond's BMW!
>Red dot is on top
>SLICK(oop)
>That's our target.
SERVO: The fiends! They're hunting red dots!
>He's heading
>north!
MIKE: By Northwest!
>
>page ten
>P1-(1/3) The Jeep is speeding down a highway
ALL[singing]: Cruzin' on a highway...
>FIONA
>What's Sum doing with a bomb?
CROW: Uh...killing people, perhaps?
>He's as harmless as a fly.
SERVO: Harmless as a fly that *kills* people, that is.
>SLICK
>Well, he ain't anymore, Fi!*
>*pronounced (fee)
MIKE: They're such fast friends.
>P2-(1/6) Slick is talking to Fiona
CROW: Yeah, I think that's been established.
>SLICK
>We've got to stop him before he sets it off!
SERVO[as Fiona]: Heavens!
>That thing is as deadly a bomb as you
>can get!
CROW[as Slick]: I know that because I took the Bombing 101 class in college.
>P3-(1/6) Fiona
>FIONA
>How do we stop him? He's huge as
>that mean ol' bull we had at our anual
>rodeo last month!
MIKE: "We" being her and the other 4 residents of her town.
>P4-(1/6) Slick is watching the road looking concerned
SERVO[as Slick]: Those yellow stripes just keep coming and coming!
>FIONA(oop)
CROW: "Oops, I forgot to include character development. Ah, I'll just let it
go."
>Come to think of it, Sum's the one
>who beat him!
MIKE: And they never considered him to be *dangerous*???
>P5-(1/6) The car speeds down the road. We're at eye level with it.
SERVO: This thing is totaly unreadable! I can't understand any of it!
MIKE: Just hang on, Tom. You'll make it.
>A sign says "Speed limit: 55"
>
>page eleven
>P1-(1/3) Sumdumguy is crossing the road
CROW[as author]: Don't ask me *why*, I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason.
>SUMDUMGUY
>Almost there! I can see the panicked look
>on their faces even now! Haha!
SERVO: Is this guy lame or is it just me?
MIKE: Sumlameguy.
>P2-(1/3) Front of Jeep as Slick is under the hood and Fiona's ticked in the
passenger seat.
CROW[as Fiona]: I thought you said "you've got it where it counts"?
SERVO[as Slick]: Not me! The car!
>FIONA
>Real smart move, genius.
>SLICK
>If I knew cops put speed
>bumps on a desert road, I would have slowed down!
MIKE: They ran over a speed bump placed on a 55mph road. This writer must
have failed all those
reasoning and logic courses in high school.
SERVO: If he actualy *took* high school.
>(bonk)Ouch!
CROW: Huh? What happened? Oh! He hit his head on the hood! Funny.
>P3-(1/3) Sumdumguy(rear) is walking toward a few buildings in the background
SERVO: When I *want* to see Sumdumguy's rear, I'll ask for it.
MIKE: Ew.
>
>page twelve
>P1-(1/3) Slick slams the hood shut
>SLICK
>There! That should do it!
MIKE[as Slick]: Hitting my head on it really did the trick!
>The engine was a little
>jolted, that's all.
CROW: Was it Jolt or SUUUURRRRRRGGGGGEEEEEEE!!!!!!!?
>FIONA
>Well, I hope so, 'cause Sum's
>gonna blow up Salsbury Gultch!
SERVO: Bomb-toting terrorists. How origonal.
>SLICK
>Huh?
>P2-(1/6) Fiona's hand is pointing to the screen.
>The red dot is on the bottom and a yellow geometrical shape is on top
MIKE: Everything is on the *top* around here!
>FIONA(oop)
>That's where he's headed!
CROW[as Fiona]: Don't ask me how I know that yellow blotch is Salsbury Gultch,
I just *do*!
>P3-(1/6) Slick is concerned
SERVO[as Slick]: Oh, man...I wet 'em and it's gonna show!
>SLICK
>How many people live there?
>FIONA(oop)
CROW[as Fiona]: "Oops, I forgot that we needed to pick up some groceries."
>Uh, let's see...twelve.
SERVO: TWELVE???? JUST TWELVE???????? THIS WHOLE STORY IS
UNDERCASTED!!!!!!!!!!!!
MIKE: Calm down, honey.
>P4-(1/3) Slick upshifts
ALL: Eeew!
>SLICK
>I guess that's as populaed as you can get around here.
>FIONA
>You better bileve it, Nick!
>SLICK
>It's just Slick.
CROW: Repetitive humor: our fiend.
MIKE: You mean "friend".
CROW: No, I don't.
>
>page thirteen
>P1-(1/3) Houses on the left, Sum on the right(silhouettes)
MIKE: It's not *supposed* to make sense is it?
>P2-(1/3) Slick and Fiona(backseat POV)
SERVO: Pile of VISAs?
CROW: Point of Vacation?
MIKE: Plaza of Vouchers?
SERVO: Place of Verification?
CROW: Porn on Video?
MIKE and SERVO: CROW!
>FIONA
>Slick, the monitor's beepin'!
SERVO[as Fiona]: Heavens!
>SLICK
>We've got to be close!
>P3-(1/3) P1 again, but closer
CROW: These are really great visual images he's giving us.
>
>page fourteen
>P1-(1/6) Slick parks the car and points
SERVO[as Slick]: Let's see...the nearest place where we can get some *good*
material for
this story is twelve miles that way!
>SLICK
>There he is!
>P2-(1/6) Sillhouette of Sumdumguy and bulidings
>FIONA
>He's almost there!
CROW: Heavens!
MIKE: We've heard enough of that, Crow, thank you.
>P3-(1/3) Slick gets out and walks around in back
SERVO: ...of the car.
>FIONA
>?
CROW: She actualy said "Question mark."?
>P4-(1/6) Slick pulls a backpack out of the backseat
>SLICK
>I come prepared.
MIKE: He's a retired Boy Scout.
SERVO[as Slick]: And here's my wilderness badge, my water treading badge, my
campfire badge,
my wussie badge...
>P5-(1/6) Slick takes a gun out of the pack
>FIONA(oop)
>Y'all not going to hurt him?
MIKE[as Slick]: Hell, no! I'm going for the author!
>SLICK
>No, this is a stun gun.
>
>page fifteen
>P1-(1/3) Slick runs after Sumdumguy
[Servo hums Pumaman theme]
CROW[singing along]: Slick, he's bad, the worst hero ever...
>FIONA
>Y'all come back now, y'hear?
MIKE: Endless cliches and quotes all around!
>P2-(1/6) Slick(rear) runs toward Sumdumguy
>P3-(1/6) Sumdumguy looks back
>SUMDUMGUY
>Huh?
>P4-(1/3) Slick puts Sumdumguy in his sights
MIKE[singing]: I've got a liscense to kill, and you know I'm goin' straight
for your heart!
CROW and SERVO[singing]: (with a liscense to kill)
MIKE[singing]: I've got a liscense to kill, and nothin's gonna tear us apart!
>SLICK
>Say cheese!
ALL: NO.
>
>page sixteen
>P1-(1/6) Blast misses Sumdumguy
SERVO: Standard operating procedure: If you have only one enemy you ever
contend with, don't
kill him.
MIKE: Works for the Freedom Fighters.
>SUMDUMGUY
>What?
>P2-(1/6) Slick
>SLICK
>Missed!
CROW[as Slick]: How could I miss the large slow-moving sumo wrestler?
>P3-(1/3) Sumdumguy is runing towards Slick
>SUMDUMGUY
>Not you agan!
>SLICK
>You've got to be stopped!
>P4-(1/6) Sumdumguy swings at Slick and misses
>SUMDUMGUY
>Yah!
CROW: You didn't beat him yet! Stop cheering!
>SLICK
>Gotta be faster tan that!
MIKE: Well, Sumdumguy *is* a little pale-looking...
>P5-(1/6) Sumdumguy chops
[Crow snickers]
MIKE: Whatever you're thinking, don't say it.
>SUMDUMGUY
>You will pay for interfering in my plans!
CROW: Make checks payable to Evil and Co.
>
>page seventeen
>P1-(1/3) Slick slides under Sum's legs
SERVO: I wouldn't do that for all the money in Russia. Oh, wait.
MIKE[dissapointed]: Servo...
>and reaches for the bomb on the ground behind him
>P2-(1/3) Sum's shoulder POV. Slick picks himself up with the bomb
>SLICK
>Now let's see how this thing works...
MIKE[as Slick]: Now, this switch turns it off, and this switch blows me up.
Okay.
>P3-(1/6) Slick turns it over and reads a label
>LABEL
>McDonnel's Roach Bomb
>"Stops 'em dead"
>SLICK
>Oh.
CROW: That's gotta be the lamest contrivance I've ever seen.
MIKE: At least it's believable.
>P4-(1/6) Sumdumguy
>SUMDUMGUY
>I was going home to plant
>that bomb in the walls. I have
>a major roach infestation.
SERVO: This story is too stupid, Mike! I can't stand it!
MIKE: Fight it, Tom!
>
>page eighteen
>P1-(1/3) Sum's drooling mouth
ALL: Eew!
>SUMDUMGUY
>But then you come and try to kill me!
>I will let you live this time, but when
>we meet again, I will kill you!
CROW: Could you do that right now?
>P2-(1/6) Slick is embarrased
>SLICK
>Uh, obviously this is just a
>little misumderstanding...
SERVO: He'll get off with a misdmimener.
MIKE: How do you pronounce that?
>P3-(1/6) Sum's white eyes
CROW: And back to the trademark X-Man eyes again.
>SUMDUMGUY
>GO!
MIKE[as Slick, dumb]: We're racing?
>P4-(1/3) Slick runs away
>SLICK
SERVO: Waaah! Mommy! I'm scared!
>okay.
>
>page nineteen
>P1-(1/3) Arial view of Sherrif's office
SERVO: I shot the sherrif's office, but I did not shoot the--
MIKE: That's been done, Servo.
>SLICK(inside)
>And that's it.
CROW: The end. Okay, let's go. [leaves]
MIKE: Crow, wait. Crow!
>P2-(1/6) Fiona's reclining at her desk
>FIONA
>Well, you sure managed to tick him off.
MIKE: I thought it was a *roach* problem?
>P3-(1/6) Slick
>SLICK
>So, what do you think he's gonna
>do next time we meet?
>FIONA(oop)
SERVO: He'll whup your ass again.
>He's gonna snap y'all in two.
>P4-(1/3) Sick walks out the door
>SLICK
>That's not funny.
>Look, I've got to go. Maybe we'll meet
>again sometime.
>FIONA
>Count on it, Slick.
>
>page twenty
>P1-(full) Slick drives away in his Jeep
>WORD BOX
>"Count on it."
MIKE: Um... we aren't saying anything.
SERVO: I'm not saying another word until this is finished.
>WORD BOX
>The End
SERVO: Yay!!
[Mike and Servo file out]
1...2...3...4...5...6...
[SOL int.] Mike and Gypsy are behind the counter.
MIKE: ...and aside from the fact that the whole thing was in totaly unreadable
format, it
was poorly conceived, poorly implemented, and poorly taken care of.
GYPSY: But he sucesfully posted it on the internet. How was it poorly taken
care of?
MIKE: He should have trashed it!
GYPSY: Oh.
[BOOM!
Smoke fills the bridge and Mike tries to fan it away. When it clears, Crow and
Servo are
standing to the right of Mike and Gypsy wearing black belts and looking down at
the hole they
made in the counter.]
SERVO: Haha! We really showed those roaches who's boss, didn't we, Crow?
CROW: We sure did, Servo! They'll never be a threat to us again!...not that
they were
before, anyway.
MIKE: Servo, Crow, have you been taking pointers from the stories again?
SERVO: Uh, yeah Mike. How could you tell?
[Red lights flash and alarms blare.]
MIKE: Sounds like the nanite alarm!
[Mike pulls over the veiwer.]
MIKE: Nanites, what's wrong?
[Nanite World] The place is devestated. Several nanites are in peices. Ned
the Nanite enters,
coughing.
NED: Mike! What did you do? There was a huge explosion, and billions of
nanites cried out
in terror and suddenly were silenced! Oh the humanity!
[SOL]
MIKE[to Crow and Servo]: Look what you did! You killed billions and billions
of Nanites!
CROW[crying]: I'm sorry, Mike!
SERVO[crying]: Yeah! We didn't mean it! Honest!
-mads sign-
MIKE: Look, I'm going to take this call from Pearl and then I'll see to you
two!
[Castle Forrester] Pearl is on a couch facing the television in the back. It
is tuned in to
Invasion America.
PEARL[to herself]: You know...WB has a *lot* of bad programing...maybe I could
send Mike
some of this stuff...Night Man, Fresh Prince, Deep Space Nine...
[Bobo jumps on the couch with a large bowl of pop corn and three chili-dogs.]
BOBO: Hey, Lawgiver! It took me a while to get out of that raging river below
the cliff, but
after the waterfall it calmed down a bit--Hey! Is this Invasion America? I
*love* that mini-series!
[Pearl begins to strangle Bobo. We continue to hear it through the credits.]
[love theme]
written by: Jim Whaley
featuring:
Mike Nelson: Michael J. Nelson
Crow: Bill Corbett
Tom Servo: Kevin Murphy
Gypsy: Patrick Brantseg
also featuring:
Pearl Forrester: Mary Jo Pehl
Professor Bobo: Kevin Murphy
and:
voice of Cambot: Michael J. Nelson
Magic Voice: Beez McKeever
Ned the Nanite: Kevin Murphy
All MST3K related characters and situations are trademarks of Best Brains, Inc.
No insults intended.
The writer of "Off-Road Brawl" wishes to remain anonymous.
MST3K created by Joel Hodgson
thanks to:
Best Brains, Inc.
All you people who love to laugh
c1998 by Jim Whaley
tj...@aol.com
[stinger]
>FIONA
>Heavens!
-----------------
other episodes of Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000:
101: The Cartoons Combined
102: Off-Road Brawl
103: The Odyssey
104: The New Season
201: Total Turbulence
202: The Ultimate Celebrity Deathmatch
203: Are You Ready to Get $40,000 in 6 Weeks with Only 8 Bucks???!!
204: Sonic Fights Robotnik 6: The Final Battle!
205: The Seminar
206: Inside the Void: King Acorn's Plight
207: The Neelix Claus Series part 1: The Neelix Claus
208: The Neelix Claus Series part 2: Merry Christmas Mr. Chakotay
All can be found easily on Web Site Number Nine,
located at http://pinky.wtower.com/mst3k !
***SNEAK PEEK***
NEXT TIME ON SCIENCE FICTION THEATER 1,000,000,000!
SFT1B SEASON ONE: THE SPECIAL EDITION!
> The Odyssey
---
>Where shall a man find sweetness to surpass
MIKE[TV anouncer]: That of Hershey's Kisses.
---
>As we rowed on, and nearer to the mainland,
>at one end of the bay, we saw a cavern
>yawning
SERVO[as cavern]: Oh, boy, am I tired.
---
>Nohbdy will not get out alive, I swear.
MIKE: So *Evrybdy* will get out alive?
---
episode 103: The Odyssey
THE SPECIAL EDITION!
NEXT TIME ON SCIENCE FICTION THEATER 1,000,000,000!
Jim, that Mistie
(#90212)
to reply remove ".spam" from address
"This is where the fish lives."
"I KNOW!"
"I'm cahmeeng!"
"Nay, faith, let not me play a woman, I have a beard coming." -Flute the
bellows-mender