MSTEd Galaxy Far Away 1
Amy Ashton
[enter DR. F.]
Greetings, ratmm disciples! Glad to see you're still spreading your
evil around USENET. [chuckles] Just wanted to give you an intro
to what you're about to read -- it's Amy's first Misting, so go
easy on her. [laughs hysterically] Oh... that's a good one. Rip her
to shreds! Be merciless! It's a Star Wars/Star Trek crossover,
and it... well, you'll see. Suffice it to say it's at least 10% pure evil.
It's Regency and X-Files, with a dose of Forster thrown in for good
measure -- that's E.M., not Dr. C. Oh, and one of the host segments
is a blatant rip-off of something that other guy did... during "Space
Travellers," I think it was. [chuckles again] Enjoy, pink boys and
girls!
[exit DR. F.]
[lights up on the SOL. MIKE, CROW, and TOM are all standing behind the
counter, dressed in high-necked, goofy-pantsed Regency gear.]
MIKE: Ah, I swear I have never seen a lass as fair and
toothsome as our fair Gypsy. The appearance of her makes my
heart pound with passion.
TOM: Oh, the raptures of life with sweet Gypsy! Never more
shall mine heart beat in solitary... er... solitude. Yeah.
CROW: Uh... forsooth.
[GYPSY enters. She is wearing a pale pink empire-waisline dress,
showing plenty of decolletage somehow. She has a wig on -- black,
with spiral curls around her face, pulled up in the back. In other words,
she's straight out of A&E's "Pride and Prejudice."]
GYPSY: I swoon.
[MIKE suddenly notices that CAMBOT is recording the whole
embarrassing thing for posterity.]
MIKE: Oh... uh... hello there, and welcome to the Satellite of
Love. We just noticed how recently there's been a sudden
upsurge in movies based on Jane Austen novels, so we decided
to try out a skit. It's an educational experience for the 'bots,
see, and --
CROW: And Mike really wanted to wear those pants with
the back drawer in the front.
MIKE: Did not.
CROW: Did too.
[Mads light begins to blink.]
TOM: Boys, Mr. Darcy is calling.
MIKE: Oh. [hits light]
[D13]
DR. F: Good afternoon, Bingley, 'botlings. I hope you're
enjoying the Mentos I sent up... [looks puzzled suddenly].
Er... Nelson, I hate to be a downer, but did you get dressed
in the dark this morning? And since when have you needed a
rear door in your pants? Last time I saw one of those, it
was on Frank's bunny jammies.
[SOL]
[MIKE is hastily zipping up his jumpsuit]
MIKE: Just a little educational experience, sir.
CROW: Get this cravat off me, would you? I think I'm gonna choke.
TOM: Yeah, you try getting dressed in Regency gear without
functioning arms.
GYPSY: You guys are wimps.
[D13]
DR. F: Well, well, you indulge in your little fantasies if it
makes you feel better. It shouldn't, you know. You're
still going to have to sit through today's experiment.
[SOL]
[MIKE is trying to pull Tom's jacket off. CROW is making
gagging noises. GYPSY looks on.]
MIKE: Hold still,willya? I can't get it off with you squirming
like that.
TOM: I can't breathe! The walls are closing in! This is it!
I'm going to the great Satellite of Love in the sky!
MIKE: I got news for you, buddy. You're already there.
CROW: Ack!
[D13]
DR. F: [looking impatient] Well? Don't you want to
know about today's experiment?
[SOL]
[It's complete chaos now. CROW is lying on the counter,
flailing and choking. MIKE is attempting to unknot CROW's cravat.
TOM is naked except for GYPSY's wig, which has somehow ended
up on his head. GYPSY still watches.]
TOM: Ah, sweet freedom! Mike, how come you humans wear
these silly clothes anyway?
MIKE: Because vacuuming naked can be painful.
CROW: ACK!
MIKE: Tom, would you go find that Fisher Price Paramedic Kit
Crow found the other day and bring it here? Charge up the
defibrillator while you're at it.
TOM: What for? He's a robot, remember? Give him a couple
of RAM chips, he'll be fine.
CROW: Will not! [gags]
[D13]
DR. F: I will not be ignored!
[SOL]
[Some semblance of calm has been restored. CROW lies on
the counter, gasping faintly, collar open.]
CROW: The... light... such... a bright... light...
MIKE: It's okay, buddy. You're here on the Satellite, remember?
CROW: And I thought it was just a horrible near-death experience.
[D13]
DR. F: [truly enraged now] Near death? You want near death?! I'll
give you near death! Here it comes! A Star Wars/Star Trek crossover
fanfic.
[SOL]
[All stare at CAMBOT in horror.]
MIKE: No!
TOM: You fiend!
CROW: You wouldn't!
GYPSY: Richard Basehart!
[D13]
DR. F: [chuckles evilly] Of course I would! Actually, plot-wise,
it isn't bad, but what it lacks in pure badness of plot and grammar,
it makes up for in weird formatting and hackneyed characters. So
enjoy, Vader-bait!
[pushes the button]
[Movie sign]
MIKE: Aaaaah! We got movie sign!
TOM: AAAAAHH!
CROW: You're not my father!
1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... *
[enter theater]
>~
>Copyright 1993 by Adam B. Colby
>
>This is authorized for unlimited distribution as long as this message
>is attached. There is a postscript file for this as well. I strongly
>recommend it if you have the means to print it. This file was just
>turned into text via MacWrite II.
CROW: GAH!
TOM: Dear lord.
MIKE: Strap in boys, we're in for a rough one.
>If anyone has more time on their
>hands than I do, please feel free to add hard returns to this and
>distribute it that way.
MIKE: Uh, sorry, but uh, we have to uh... wash our hair. Yeah.
CROW: [whispering] Mike, we don't have hair.
MIKE: Quiet.
>If any one would like a Macintosh copy of
>this file, binhexed etc., email me at:
>
>ale...@hardy.u.washington.edu
MIKE: Hardy U! Where the men are men, and the women are, too.
>any other questions can be directed there as well.
TOM: What... is your name?
CROW: What... is your quest?
MIKE: What... is your favorite color?
>Also, if anyone is smarter than I am and can post to the net,
TOM: [chuckling] Oh, he just left himself *wide* open there.
>feel free. I'm not entirely sure that I have posting privileges, either
>that or I'm just stupid.
CROW: [Shatneresque] Must... not... riff on... easy... targets...
>Enjoy......
ALL: [scared, a la Spaceballs] Thank you.
**************************************************
TOM: It's full of stars!
>...A Galaxy Not So Far Away
CROW: But ma, it's just around the corner!
MIKE: There is still no way I'm going to allow you into a strange
galaxy by yourself, young man!
>By Adam B. Colby
>
>A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
>
>It was a difficult time for the rebellion.
MIKE: She'd just broken up with her boyfriend and was having feelings
of low self-esteem.
>Battles were taking place
>against Imperial forces all over the galaxy.
>
>Luke Skywalker, the last of the Jedi Knights along with his friends
TOM: He wouldn't be the *last* in that case, would he?
>had just successfully rescued their friend and Alliance Hero, General
>Han Solo
MIKE: Our friend, Alliance hero, and all around great guy... General
Han Solo!
ALL: [wild applause]
>from the clutches of the wretched gangster Jabba the Hutt.
>
>The Heroes of the Alliance are heading to Sullust
CROW: Now I could see spending my vacation there!
MIKE: You don't get vacation.
CROW: It's a nice thought, though...
>after a run in with
>Imperial forces on Ord Yantell for an important briefing.
MIKE: Important briefing, my foot. They're just going to tell
him he's going to have to start paying for his own pop.
TOM: Soda.
MIKE: Pop.
TOM: Soda.
MIKE: Pop.
CROW: Gentlemen? If you don't mind....
MIKE: Sorry.
TOM: Sorry.
CROW: I'll have a root beer.
> * * *
>
> "Threepio! Is the nav computer online yet?" Han Solo shouted
>over his shoulder at the golden droid who was trying to fix the
>computer and keep his balance at the same time.
CROW: Multitasking!
> "Almost General Solo,"
TOM: And yet, not *quite* General Solo.
>another blast shook the __Millenium
>Falcon__ and Threepio nearly fell into Princess Leia's arms as she
>staggered into the cockpit. "Sir, the nav computer is back online
>and..."
CROW: Haven't I seen this scene somewhere before?
TOM: Yeah. "The Empire Strikes Back."
MIKE: I think it was in "Star Wars," too.
> "Chewie start making the calculations for the jump to
>hyperspace." Han flipped a comm switch on the control panel, "Luke,
>bring 'em in a little closer. The __Falcon__'s jammer isn't what it
>used to be, and I don't want the Imperials to hear these coordinates."
MIKE: [as storm trooper] Ah, sir, it appears they're heading for the rest
stop off Exit 68.
> "On our way," Luke Skywalker's voice crackled over the speaker.
> "How's Lando?" He asked over his shoulder.
> "He doesn't look good," the Leia replied. "I can't tell, but I
>don't think he'll make it much longer."
CROW: His career! It's barely responding!
TOM: Dammit, I *told* him those Colt .45 commercials were a
bad idea! Clear!
> Luke Skywalker and Wedge Antilles knocked out some final TIE
>fighters and punched it to the side of the _Falcon_.
MIKE: That can't be good for hull integrity.
> * * *
> "They won't get away this time, Lord Vader I assure you,"
>Captain Drekker said to the Dark Lord behind him.
> "I hope not, Captain Drekker for your sake," Vader warned.
CROW: This dialog sounds familiar, too.
TOM: Yeah, it's from "Star Wars."
MIKE: And "The Empire Strikes Back."
TOM: And --
CROW: Okay, I get it already!
>Darth Vader turned from the view screen and walked up the catwalk to
>the bow windows of the Imperial Star Destroyer _Nosferatu_.
CROW: She's alive?!
TOM: She's... nosferatu.
CROW: [beat] She's Italian?!
MIKE: I can't believe you guys just did that.
>Captain
>Drekker raised an eyebrow and looked back at the scopes.
TOM: Ahoy, matey! Raise eyebrows and prepare to sail!
>"Lt. Fulson,
>have you broken the jam yet?"
CROW: [as lieutenant] *Break* the jam? I thought you told me
to *pump up* the jam!
> "Not yet sir, I'm working on it, sir," the young Lt. looked
>from his scopes for a moment.
> Captain Drekker cocked his eyebrow again
MIKE: Watch it! That eyebrow's about to go off!
>and looked at Vader
>who was watching the battle outside.
CROW: [as Vader] I just hope the rebels cover the point
spread this time, I got fifty bucks riding on this one.
> * * *
> "Here you go Luke," Han punched the button to send the
>coordinates to the two X-wings.
> "Coordinates received, General," Wedge spoke.
MIKE : [as Wedge] You want to meet at Denny's? I don't think so,
General.
> "There's too much damage to my receiver," Luke said "Their all
>fragmented. The hyperdrive's not responding." Luke looked back at his
>fried Artoo unit
CROW: Mmmmmm-hmmm! Fried Artoo unit! Crispity-crunchity!
>and winced again. "Send again."
> Han punched the button again.
> "Got it! Let's go!"
> "Punch it, Chewie!" Han said and the three ships dropped into
>hyperspace.
MIKE: There's a lot of punching going on around here.
> No sooner had the three ships dropped into hyperspace, a
>nearby star went supernova and sent a shock wave through the
>hyperspace.
ALL: Plot point! Plot point!
TOM: I *hate* it when a star goes supernova right when I'm
dropping into hyperspace!
> * * *
>Captain's Personal Log stardate 5991.1
MIKE: No sign of the whale yet again. Dear lord, I'm a lonely
man.
> The _Enterprise_ is performing a routine supply run to the
>Bajoran space station Deep Space Nine.
CROW: No! Not DS9 too!
TOM: Dr. Forrester is really pushing it this time.
MIKE: Now, boys, think of it this way. With more characters to juggle,
maybe the author won't subject us to too much Commander Riker.
CROW: Oh. Well, that's true.
>The crew is in need of a little
>shore leave and DS9 has some interesting diversions.
CROW: Yeah, I hear it's a veritable freak show.
>Beverly Crusher
>says that some of the holo-suites on the Promenade are quite
>interesting.
MIKE: [smacks forehead]
TOM: Now *that's* too much.
>I was unable to indulge myself
ALL: [a great deal of throat-clearing]
>last time I visited this
>place because I was too busy working on an aqueduct project.
>I must admit I am curious and need a little rest myself. Captain Jean-Luc
>Picard
TOM: ... has finally cracked and is now talking about himself
in the third person.
MIKE: No, I think that's just bad punctuation.
TOM: Oh. Darn.
>stood and tugged at his tunic and walked from his ready room
>onto the bridge. "What is our estimated time of arrival at DS9?"
> "Approximately ten minutes sir," spoke Lt. Cmdr Data.
CROW: It's worse than we thought! Someone stole all their vowels!
>"The docking procedure should take close to an hour, however."
> "An hour?" Cmdr Riker asked astonished.
TOM: [as Data] Yes, it's my first time trying to parallel park.
> "Yes sir," Data explained, "The station has become quite a hub
>of activity
CROW: Especially since Dr. Crusher told everyone about the holosuites.
>and they are not taking any chances with any sort of
>problems."
> "What kind of problems?"
> "Computer viruses, diseases, collisions, or the like."
TOM: Rebellion, insurrection, mutiny...
MIKE: War, Plague, Famine, Death...
CROW: You know. The usual.
> "But this is a Federation vessel," Cmdr Riker put in.
CROW: [as Data] ... with you on it. Precisely what they're trying to avoid.
> "Yes sir. I know, but it is for our protection as much as theirs."
TOM: Suddenly it's a Sheik ad.
> "Captain, is this a way for Cmdr Sisco to take it out on you?"
MIKE: [as Picard] No, that would be the time he slugged me.
> "I don't think so Number One. I believe our differences are
>more or less resolved.
CROW: [as Picard] He says tastes great, I say less filling. Can't we
all get along?
>When your dealing with so many different races,
>some of whom we've had no contact at all with, you cannot be too
>cautious."
TOM: Be sure to wear your protective gear at all times.
> "I see."
> "Captain," Data interrupted, "We are entering the system."
> "Drop out of warp Mr. Data and proceed at full impulse."
> "Aye, sir."
> The _Enterprise_ arrived at DS9 and began the docking
>procedures.
> * * *
> "What the Hell was that?"
CROW: You're the author, you tell us.
> "WWWRRRRONK"
MIKE: Either that's Chewie talking or an entire flock of geese just got
sucked into the Falcon's engines.
> "How should I know? Luke? Wedge? Do you read?"
TOM: [as Wedge] Only evenings and weekends, sir.
CROW: [as Luke] Only if it has pictures in it.
> "I read you General. What the hell just happened?"
> "I don't know, but we're off the charts. It felt like a star
>went supernova or we hit an uncharted blackhole.
CROW: So this happens to you often, does it?
>Where's Luke? Luke do
>you copy?"
MIKE: No, but I print, collate, and staple.
TOM: That was *bad*.
MIKE: Sorry.
> "He's still with us. His transmitter must be out. I'll fly
>over and take a look," Wedge banked his X-wing over to Luke's.
> Han turned his attention to the instruments,
TOM: [as Han] Trumpets, tighten your embouchure!
>"Let's try and
>figure out where the hell we are." He flipped the intercom switch,
>"Leia are you guys alright back there?"
CROW: [as Han] Leia, are you in the back seat with Threepio again?
I thought I warned you two...
> "Yes, Han. What happened?"
> "We got knocked out the galaxy, it looks like.
TOM: [as Leia] Oh, is *that* all?
>We're still
>trying working on it."
> "Well at least we're safe from the Imperials."
> "Yeah, but that doesn't help Lando."
> "I know."
> "Han, Luke's life support and radio are out. His battery is
>just about dead. It will only take about one more jump."
MIKE: [as Han] Okay, get the cables out of the trunk. We'll try this
again.
> "Understood, Wedge. We may have to dump the ship, tell him
>to get into his extra-vehicle suit."
TOM: [as Han] Tell him just to hold onto the Falcon's bumper, like
last time.
> "Yes, sir."
> Wedge signaled to Luke what Han had said
MIKE: What is this guy, a semaphore specialist?
>and Luke nodded
>and began the uncomfortable task of removing the suit from behind his seat
>and putting it on in a very limited space.
MIKE: Oh yeah, that's tough. At senior prom, I had to get out of my
tux in the back of my friend's car, and --
CROW: Nelson, we don't want to know.
MIKE: Sorry.
>"There are some things even
>the Force can't help." Luke mumbled to himself.
TOM: You mean you can't use the Force to get yourself dressed? Then
what good is it?
CROW: About as much good as your arms.
TOM: Hey!
>Just as he got turned
>around in his seat, a strange tremor in the Force filled him.
CROW: So does that mean he's been Baconized? Tremors? Baconized?
Get it?
MIKE: Crow, do you have any idea what a minute percentage of the
civilized galaxy understood that ref?
TOM: I can guarantee no one laughed at it.
>He
>turned around just to see a vortex in space open up and swallow all
>three ships.
TOM: Let's see... we were being chased by Imperial star cruisers,
we got sucked into a supernova, and now a vortex has swallowed
us up. Yep... it's Miller Time.
>As they careened through the warp, Luke was pounded by an
>intense feeling in the Force.
MIKE: Punching, pounding... stop the insanity!
>He slipped into unconsciousness.
> * * *
> "Commander, there are three ships coming out of the wormhole,
>without clearance."
> "Hail them, Mr. O' Brien,"
CROW: [as O'Brien] All hail... oh, you mean the radio thingy. Sorry.
>Cmdr Sisco ordered moving to a view
>screen and watched as two small fighters and a freighter sized ship
>fell out of the opening and the wormhole closed behind them.
TOM: I suppose this is technical, but they couldn't really *fall* since
they're in a zero-gravity envrionment.
MIKE: You're right. That was technical.
CROW: Not to mention stupid.
> "Channel Open, sir," O'Brien said.
MIKE: I hope it does better than Channel One.
> "Unidentified ships, please identify yourselves," he waited a
>moment.
> "Sir, one of the fighter class ships is apparently out of control."
MIKE: Starring Tony Danza!
> "Get him in a tractor beam Mr. O'Brien."
> "Aye, sir. Sir, life support is failing in that ship the pilot
>is unconscious."
> "Get him out of there."
MIKE: [as Sisco] Hmm... it's an unidentified ship coming out of the wormhole,
no way to tell who's in it, no idea what they want... yep, better beam 'im
aboard.
TOM: This is Star Trek, remember? Of course they beam him aboard.
> O'Brien's hands flew over the transporter controls. He engaged
>the transporter and the crumpled figure of Luke Skywalker materialized
>on the platform.
> "Sisco to Bashir. Medical assistance to Ops immediately."
CROW: [as Sisco] It's Luke Skywalker! Bring my autograph book, would ya?
> "Incoming message sir, audio only."
> "Put it on."
> "Space station, this is the _Millenium Falcon_. We have a
>medical emergency, do you have facilities that we could use."
CROW: Amazing how they all speak the same language.
MIKE: Don't worry, they'll explain that away with the universal
translator.
TOM: Handy device, that.
> "Certainly, we have already transported him off of his ship and
>into the station."
> "What?" Han questioned.
> "We beamed him off the fighter his life support had failed."
>Sisco looked at Luke just as Bashir and some medics came into Ops.
> "Our emergency is on this ship," Han tried to explain.
>Sisco ran a finger across his throat to cut the transmission.
TOM: [as Sisco] Let's see... medical emergency, medical emergency.
Oh, here it is. "Medical emergency: Cut off all communications with the
ship in danger." Okie-dokie!
> O'Brien shook his head. Sensors cannot penetrate the
>shielding. Our transporters will be ineffective if there is someone on
>board.
CROW: He's a telepath!
TOM: No, the author just forgot the quotation marks.
> "Open a channel to the _Enterprise_ their sensors and
>transporters are more powerful."
> "Yes, Cmdr, how can we help you," Captain Picard was at the
>conn.
MIKE: [as Sisco] I'd like to buy a vowel, sir.
> "Those three ships that just came out of the wormhole.
CROW: [as Sisco] No, those ships. No *those* -- over there. Right
there. Right where I'm pointing! I can't take you anywhere.
>There
>is a wounded person on the freighter. Our transporters are too weak to
>penetrate the ship's shielding."
> "Understood. Picard out. Transporter room try and lock onto
>the wounded person on the ship
TOM: [as Picard] You'll know which one he is cuz he's the one who's
wounded.
>to our port and beam them directly to
>sickbay. Sickbay, stand by."
> * * *
> Leia picked herself off the floor and shook her head. Whatever
>happened had knocked her out
ALL: Yay!
>temporarily.
ALL: Boo!
>She looked at Lando, he was
>still unconscious from the medication they had given after he was
>wounded.. Suddenly, his body lost all cohesion and he disappeared.
>Leia was taken aback.
TOM: She's just seen a guy disappear into thin air, and she's just
"taken aback"?
CROW: She's a cold, cold woman.
>She thumbed the intercom switch on the wall.
>"Han, Lando just disappeared."
MIKE: [as Han] Oh, he does that every now and then. Don't worry,
he'll come back when he's hungry.
> Han looked shocked and just as he reached for the comm switch
>it bleeped. He flipped it angrily.
TOM: Watch it, buddy! This is a family show!
> "Freighter _Millenium Falcon_ this is the Federation Starship
>U.S.S. _Enterprise_." This was a different voice. Clipped and
>structured, it almost sounded like and Imperial officer.
MIKE: Actually, that's a neat catch, seeing as how Imperial officers
all seem to have British accents.
TOM: Well, except the guy in "The Return of the Jedi" who --
MIKE: Uh, Tom?
TOM: Yeah?
MIKE: You're thinking too hard, buddy. We don't want your head
to explode again, you know.
TOM: Oh. Yeah. Sorry.
>"We have
>transported your casualty to our medical facility. I apologize for not
>consulting you first, but his life signs were failing."
TOM: [as Picard] We like to rush into situations we don't understand
and take total control without considering the consequences. We hope
you don't mind.
> Han sat back for a second. "Thank you," he managed, even
>though he was supposed to be mad. "What the Hell is going on? Where
>the hell are we?"
CROW: [as Han] Why do I keep saying "hell"? And should I captalize
it or not?
> "Deep Space Nine in the Bajoran System, Alpha Quadrant,"
>Picard replied.
MIKE: [as Picard] It's a hell of a town.
> "What?" Han replied, even more flustered than before.
> "Perhaps you should transport over the _Enterprise_ and we can
>discuss this.
TOM: [as Picard] Let's see... potentially hostile alien being from
another galaxy... yep, sez here to beam him aboard.
>The station crews can take care of the docking
>regulations and procedures for your ships.
MIKE: [as Picard] And the television crews will make sure
every minute detail of your life is exposed to the public.
>Do you have transporters?"
> "No...uh..."
TOM: [as Han] But I have some nice glass beads. I'll trade
ya for the planet.
> "Fine, we have your locks prepare for transport."
> "Okay..."
> Han, Leia, Chewbacca and Wedge all disappeared and reappeared
>in the _Enterprise_ transporter room. Chewbacca screamed and
>leaped onto the closest thing, which happened to be the security
>officer Worf.
CROW: [as Han] I knew I shoulda had him fixed!
> "CHEWIE!" Han rushed after him and tried to hold him back.
> Worf held his own as best he could against the seven foot
>Wookie, but it took Han talking him out of popping the Klingon's head
>off. The security team arrived phasers drawn and Han moved back, "Hey
>there boys, let's not go nuts here. Let's talk about this."
CROW: [as Worf] Your furry friend here just tried to kill me, and
you want to *talk* about it? Talk about *this*, alien guy!
> "At ease," Worf said rubbing his throat.
> "He's just a little jumpy that's all. He doesn't mean anything
>by it," Han explained to Worf.
MIKE: It's just his way of saying hello.
> Chewbacca groaned an apology.
> "I must ask for your weapons," Worf said indicating Han and
>Wedge's blaster and Chewbacca's crossbow.
CROW: And Leia's figure.
MIKE: Mr. Robot, you just watch it there.
> "Uh...sure," Han reluctantly handed over his blaster butt
>first.
TOM & CROW: [snicker]
MIKE: Now, now...
>Wedge handed his over, but Worf had to physically remove the
>even more reluctant Wookie's weapon.
TOM: But a minute ago, the Wookie was trying to unscrew Worf's
head from his neck! Now Worf can forcibly take his weapon? I
don't THINK so.
MIKE: Easy, Tom. It'll be okay.
> A bearded officer came in and introduced himself as Cmdr
>William Riker, first officer.
ALL: [groan]
CROW: No... please... no Riker.
TOM: I bet it's against the Geneva Convention to sic Riker on
these guys.
> "I'm General Han Solo, this is Chewbacca, my first mate, this
>is Cmdr Wedge Antilles of Rogue Squadron and Princess Leia Organa."
CROW: [as Riker] Is she now? Hmmm...
TOM: [whispering] Sir, that's "Organa," not --
MIKE: Boys!
> "Princess Leia," Riker took her hand, "I'm pleased to meet you."
> Leia smiled coyly
TOM: [as Leia] He's cute! Nice beard.
>and Han stepped in between them, "Can we
>see Lando and Luke?"
MIKE: [as Riker] I don't know. *Can* you? [muttering] Lousy
aliens, don't know how to speak good English...
> "We only have one man on this ship the other must be on the
station. He's in sickbay being treated now. He was a lucky guy.
TOM: You know, I hate to point things like this out, but we *still*
don't know what's wrong with him.
CROW: Gimme a break. You *love* pointing those things out.
>Right
>now let's meet with the Captain and see if we can't sort this all
>out." Riker led the four out of the transporter room into the
>corridor. He smiled at Leia as she left. Han took her hand as if to
>stake his claim, but she pulled it away.
CROW: Leia's been reading her Andrea Dworkin.
> * * *
> The four rebels followed Cmdr Riker down the corridor. Riker
>pointed out things of interest to Princess Leia,
MIKE: [as Riker] That's a door, that's a comm panel... oh,
look! We're at my quarters! How'd that happen?
>but the others fell
>back a few paces, speaking in hushed voices.
CROW: They're afraid they'll wake the angry gods if they
speak to loudly.
> "You think we got tossed out of the galaxy?" asked Wedge.
MIKE: [as Han] After what you called the bartender? I'm surprised
they didn't arrest us!
> "I'm not sure. The _Falcon_'s charts are the best in the
>Alliance and we're clear the Hell and gone away from any markers. I
>don't even recognize the stars,"
TOM: And I thought we were such good friends...
>Han explained surveying the ship
>around him.
> "Good point," Wedge nodded doing the same.
> "What happened with Luke?"
CROW: [as Han] I dunno... last time I saw him, he was wearing
his huggy jacket and muttering something about the gods
smiting him. I think he took too much Force, ifyaknowhatImean.
> "His life-support was failing...I think he was unconscious
>when we got here
MIKE: [as Wedge] It's hard to tell though. He doesn't have much
of a personality, even when he *is* conscious.
>...wherever here is. The last time I looked he wasn't
>in the ship. They must have transported him out, but not to this ship
>apparently. I don't like leaving my ship to some alien I've never
>heard of."
> "Neither do I," Han agreed, "but did you see some of those
>ships, one of them could have easily taken out a frigate, let alone
>the _Falcon_.
TOM: [as Wedge] Oh, that's a comfort.
>I don't think we had much of a choice." Han stepped up
>between Riker and Leia "Say, how do those transporters work anyway?"
>he asked in mock levity, taking Leia's hand again.
MIKE: Han Solo, ladies and gentlemen.
ALL: [golf clap]
TOM: And on that note...
MIKE: We're outta here?
TOM: Yup.
[Exeunt]
[insert cheesy commercial of your choice]
--
I always suspect an artist who is successful before he is dead.
--Edgar Degas
http://members.aol.com/rfothree/
Amy Ashton
>is a blatant rip-off of something that other guy did... during "Space
>Travellers," I think it was.
d'oh! It was "Human Duplicators." Sorry.
Amy