MSTed: The Seven Stars (Part 1 of Lots, LONG)
Kevin Mowery
[Season 8 Theme Song]
[Opening: Bridge of SOL. MIKE is in front of the table, facing the
camera.]
MIKE: Hello, everyone. Mike Nelson here, unstuck in time. Tom and
Crow said they've been working on something they wanted to show me.
TOM: It'll be just a minute, Mike, we just have to... <urk> Get this
thing....
CROW: Just about.... Ha! [A curtained puppet-show stage is lifted
onto the table. It's purple with gold scrollwork and red velvet
curtains--it looks very nice. TOM and CROW appear on either side.]
MIKE: Well, this looks great, guys. How long did it take you to make
it?
TOM: Don't you worry your pretty little head over that, Nelson. Just
sit back and relax while my buddy Crow and I entertain you.
CROW: Yeah, Mike. We figured you're probably aching for some quality
earth entertainment, so we decided to put on a real puppet-show for
you, just like at the RenFest.
MIKE: Okay. Sounds like fun. Go to it, master puppeteers!
[TOM and CROW duck behind the stage. Mike takes a seat with his back
to the camera. Time passes.]
MIKE: Are you guys just about ready?
CROW: Almost. Just one more second. [More time passes.]
MIKE: Are you okay back there? You seem awfully quiet.
TOM: Yeah, yeah. Keep your britches on, Nelson. {Even more time
passes.]
MIKE: We've got commercial sign. [Hits button.]
[Psychic phone line commercials]
[The Bridge of the SOL, the scene is unchanged.]
CROW: Mike?
MIKE: Yes?
CROW: We forgot something.
MIKE: Yes?
CROW: Our arms don't work.
MIKE: <exasperated> Oh, that's just.... [A light flashes on the
table] Oops, Toulon's calling! <hits button>
[Cut to: The cramped interior of PEARL's VW microbus rocketship.
OBSERVER is in the seat next to her, and PROFESSOR BOBO sits behind
and between them.]
PEARL: Hello, Nelson. It seems before he outfitted this as a
spaceship, Booboo and his monkeys packed this thing full of old boxes
and you'll never guess what Brain-Guy here found in one of them.
BOBO: Oh, can I guess? [PEARL and OBSERVER roll eyes] Was it my
Harry Bellafonte albums?
PEARL: No. Brain-Guy found something called "game fiction".
Apparently it's a book based on some Dungeons and Dragons thing or
another. <waves very nasty-looking collection of pages in front of
her face> It, uh, smells pretty bad. I think someone soaked it in
lighter fluid, and Brain-Guy says it's not really very good. So I'm
having him send it over to you with his brain! Read it and weep!
[OBSERVER concentrates and the pages vanish]
BOBO: Is it an ant farm?
[PEARL and OBSERVER turn to look at BOBO, open-mouthed]
[Cut to: SOL. A light is flashing.]
MIKE: Oh, no, we've got.... What is that light?
TOM: I guess it's Bad Game Fiction sign.
MIKE: We've got Bad Game Fiction Sign!
[divers alarums. MIKE and THE BOTS head for the theater]
TODD KING/NOVA ETH PUBLISHING 1997
1339 CHARWOOD DRIVE Todd King &
BOGALUSA, LA. 70427 Nova Eth Publishing
CROW: Send your letterbombs to....
THE SEVEN STARS
TODD KING
TOM: A Quinn Martin Production.
I If I Die Before I Wake...
II I Was Me, But Now He's Gone...
III The Gathering...
TOM: I thought "The Gathering" was part two.
MIKE: No, there was no part two.
CROW: I'm pretty sure we all saw it, Mike.
MIKE: There was no part two.
IV Electric Bard...
V Remembrance Of Things Past...
VI No Remorse...
VII Transcend The Boundaries...
VIII See You In The Next World, And Don't Be Late...
IX For All Eternity...
X Diary Of A Madman...
XI Sad But True...
XII Love, Hate, Love...
CROW: Chapter thirteen -- TV Party!
TOM: Chapter fourteen -- Stonehenge!
MIKE: Chapter fifteen -- Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on
Seattle!
XIII Most Of This Is Memory Now...
XIV I Remember Now...
XV The Abyss Also Gazes...
XVI Creeping Death...
XVII Dark Storm Rising...
XVIII Garden...
XIX Enter The Dragon...
MIKE: Chapter twenty -- The Big Boss
CROW: Chapter twenty-one -- Mr. Nice Guy
TOM: It looks like the author ran out of original chapter names, then
ran out of heavy metal songs to steal titles from.
MIKE: And without a single Jethro Tull reference.
CROW: But Jethro Tull's not --
TOM: JEEEEEEEEED!
XX Electric Angels Sing...
XXI Afterimages...
"A little while, a moment of rest upon the wind, and another woman
shall bear me. Farewell to you and the youth I have spent with you. It
was but yesterday we met in a dream. You have sung to me in my
aloneness, and I of your longings have built a tower in the sky. But
now our sleep has fled and our dream is over, and it is no longer
dawn."
Kahlil Gibran —"The Prophet"
MIKE: <Minnesota accent> Oh, that's nice.
TOM: And now our story.
If I Die Before I Wake...
CROW: I pray the lord my soul to MURDER!
"Tatternorn!"
MIKE: Cabot!
who?
"Move it! Move it! Get your ass in gear!"
me, move? but i'm comfortable and warm and...
"Go!"
Race of six amber flies, buzzing by. ...who the hell are those
guys?
TOM: That's pretty much what we're wondering, too.
Black shadow-fog...cloying, grasping.
waitaminnit...how can i go if i can't feel my feet?
MIKE: Oh, dear god, my spine!
"Go!"
screw you...this is a dream...i'm dreaming...this is only a dr—
"Tatternorn! Look out!" i'm not—
Blast of molten blackness. Heat, vibration. Sensation.
CROW: Boredom. Confusion.
TOM: Lethargy.
holy...I felt that...
"Tatternorn!" ...her cry chills...it chills...
"He's okay, Silverdancer! It'll take more'n that to bring him down..."
thanks for the vote of confidence, Sammy...
Sammy?
MIKE: Frank? Joey? Peter?
what the hell are you doing here...this is my dream...
Nervous laughter, hard to pick out over the dull roar in my ears.
"Dream? Did that Magma Blast fry your brain or something, Tat? This is
real..."
no...
"C'mon, mon! We gotta go kill de Bad Guys, now!"
Luther? you're here, too? but why...
Cold shock, so warm, as the black fog breaks for one pale moment. And
I see...
he's got four arms! he's got blue skin! Christ!
CROW: <singing> He's the extra arms on Vishnu!
I laugh, despite the growing sense of all-damning horror in my soul.
Luther Gates is not blue. Luther Gates does not have four arms.
He plays drums like he's got four, but...
TOM: And now, a man with four buttocks.
Now, I know it's only a dream. Now, I can control it. I can control—
At the edge of the blackness, something draws my attention: a flash of
purest silver.
MIKE: I am distracted by shiny objects.
I turn to face it in the frustration of dream-time slow motion. And
I see her...
Samantha? not you, too...
CROW: <As Dick Sargent> Sam?
Samantha Teale, covered in noxious black blood; a predatory, feral
light gleaming wickedly in her green eyes. At her feet sprawls the
shriveled form of an ornately armored jet black-skinned warrior, whose
dead eyes shine with a pale silver light.
TOM: A shrivelled warrior?
MIKE: Not very fearsome. It's like fighting your grandma.
TO BE CONTINUED...
All of the Mystery Science Theater characters are copyrighted by Best
Brains, Inc. _The Seven Stars_ is copyrighted by Nova Eth Publishing
and/or Todd King. No infringement on either copyright is intended.
Thank you, First Amendment!