[MiSTing] Schlock Treatment [2/3]
JMShearer
MIKE: Sixteen pages. This'll hurt.
>Darkwing: Not so fast, Sparky.....
>
>Megavolt: Don't CALL ME SPARKY!!
>
BOTS:[singing to tune of "You Can Call Me Al"] 'Cause when you call me
Sparky...
MIKE:[also singing to tune of "You Can Call Me Al"] I will call you
Al...
>Darkwing: (Appears in a cloud of smoke) I am the Terror that flaps in the
>night. I am the Spinich caught in your teeth, that makes your Date Wretch,
SERVO: What's a Date Wretch, Mike?
CROW: I don't think he'd know, seeing as how he's never had a date.
>I am DARKWIIING DUCK!!
>
CROW: You are also in a crappy fanfic
>Megavolt: you think he's running out of ideas.....?
>
>Launchpad: yah' think?
>
MIKE: We don't think...
ALL: WE KNOW!!!
>Darkwing: (whiny voice) So what If I am? It's beyond the point...
>
SERVO: Yeah, beyond the point of being any good!
>(everyone raises an eyebrow at Darkwing)
>
>Darkwing: Anyway...... SUCK GAS, EVILDOER!!
CROW: Emphasis on *suck*, in this case.
>(pulls out his gas gun, and fires a canister of Yellow Smoke at Megavolt)
>HA! That gas will nullify our >electric powers, making you helpless....
SERVO: Darkwing must have used his gas to nullify the author's ability
to
write.
MIKE: Yeah, making *us* helpless.
>
>Launchpad: hey, DW, I thought the red smoke was the nullification gas....
>
>Darkwing: It is........? Check the color chart.......
>
>Launchpad: yep, red is nullification..........
>
>Darkwing: So what's yellow.......?
>
>(Megavolt Zaps Darkwing and Launchpad, turning them into crispy black
>Sillhouettes)
>
>Launchpad: (coff, Hack) nerve gas........
>
>Megavolt: HAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAAA!! (bounces off the walls and zaps electricity
>in every which direction)
>
>Launchpad: Well, now what do we do?
CROW: Die.
>
>Darkwing: (ducks and dodges) collect Superhero workman's comp.?
>
>Launchpad: (ducks and Dodges)
CROW: Dah! Launchpad's taken up duck hunting! He's a cannibal!
>What, Again?
>
>Darkwing: this is just great. I hopped up an Electric supervillian with a
>ton of nerve gas, and we're running for our very lives.... This couldn't be
>worse if You-know-who showed up.....
>
>Launchpad: Who?
>
>Darkwing: you know, Gizm-
>
>(Gizmoduck wheels in, running over Darkwing's foot)
>
>Gizmoduck: GIIIZMODUCK TO THE RES-CUUE!!!
>
>Darkwing: MYYY FOOT!!!
SERVO: AAAAUUUURRRRGGGGG!!! [lid flys off and releases heavy smoke]
MIKE: You ok, Tom?
SERVO: [No response]
CROW: Give him a couple minutes, Mike. Maybe that'll help.
>
>Gizmoduck: really? Because I really am here.....
MIKE: That's the problem, to be honest with you...
>
>(Megavolt zaps electricity at Gizmoduck, at which, he Deflects his shots,
>with his Elasti-Shield)
CROW: I'd ask that line to make sense, but I gotta consider who wrote
it.
>
>Gizmoduck: you might as well give up now, Foul proveyor of things what are
>Evil.....
>
>Lil wattson & Launchpad: Hey, that's pretty creative....
SERVO: Not well written or spelled, but creative, none the less. Gotta
give
him that.
MIKE: Better now?
SERVO: Yep.
>
>Megavolt & Darkwing: Shut up....
CROW: All of you! Please!
>
>Megavolt: My electro blasts have no effect on him, I'd better use the heavy
>Artillery....
>(megavolt pulls out his Electro-gun, blasts a big ol' electric shot at
>Gizmoduck, the recoil sends gizmoduck into the wishing fountain, shorting
>him
>out, and Gizmoduck flying backward into a ladie's clothing shop)
>
>gizmoduck: (drives out wearing a pink dress, and a bonnet)
CROW:[dryly] Crossdressing. How nice.
SERVO: I think it's supposed to be cute.
CROW: Doesn't really work here, though.
SERVO: Not really.
>Hah!! nothing takes better care of an Evil villian than a Fountain....
>
>Megavolt: (meekly) As in water.......?
>
>Gizmoduck: You're SOAKING in it.....
SERVO: I'd say!
>HAH-HAAAAAAAAAH!! (presses a button, and you hear a rimshot)
>
>Megavolt: Must..get...away.....too...week............ Talking.....like.....
>Caveman......... must harken......... Wattson.....
MIKE:[Shatner impression] Must... stop talking... *like*... Shatner...
>
>Lil Wattson: uh, over here, dude......
>
>Megavolt: don't just stand there..... DO SOMETHING!!
>
>Lil Wattson: geez, okay, Dude, Don't pop a socket.......
>(picks up Megavolt, and runs out the mall door)
>
CROW: Shouldn't he short circut or something?
MIKE: Yes.
>Darkwing: He's getting Away, AFTER HIM!!
>
>Gizmoduck: No need, Darkwing, old chum, We have his stolen goods (holds up
>the bag of lightbulbs)
>
>Darkwing: oh Geez, We saved a Buncha crummy lightbulbs, Big whoop.....
SERVO: Yeah, no need to catch the crook or anything...
>
>Gizmoduck: My friend, you will one day learn that virtue is it's own
>reward,
CROW: Yeah, right.
>Now, come on, i'll treat you to dinner.....
CROW: That's more like it! Let's go! [tries to leave]
MIKE:[pulls Crow back] Oh, no you don't.
>
>Launchpad: Wow, virtue came just in time, I'm starving.....
>
>........At Megavolt's hideout........
>
>Megavolt: ooh, I hate losing, I hate Darkwing Duck, I hate Gizmoduck, I
>HATE
>THIS WHOLE TOWN!! RAAAHH!!
>(stomps around breaking things)
CROW: I hate this story. Can *I* scream and break things, Mike?
MIKE: Maybe later.
>
>Lil Wattson: If you hate St. Canard so much, you can, Like, destroy it, and
>schtuff........
>
>Megavolt: Me? Destroy St. Canard? I can destroy St. Canard, I WILL DESTROY
>ST. CANARD! I'LL GO DOWN IN HISTORY AS THE MAN WHO DESTROYED ST. CANARD!!
CROW: Actually, we'd rather just see you destroy this story, if that's
OK by
you.
>MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
>(notices a piece of pie in an otherwise empty tin, and snags it)
>Me? Eat the last piece of pie? I can eat the last piece of pie. I WILL EAT
>THE LAST PIECE OF PIE!! I'LL GO DOWN IN HISTORY AS THE MAN WHO ATE THE LAST
>PIECE OF PIE!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
>
>Lil Wattson: Dude, Take a pill....... Ut, ow you gonna do it.....?
MIKE:[Megavolt] With my mouth, the way I usually take pills! What were
you
expecting?
>
>Megavolt: MUAHAHA- I never thoght of that.........
>
>Lil Wattson: I know, How about you use your superior electric abilities to
>Steal Gizmo-dude's metal underpants, then wear the Armor, take over the
>Electrical plant, and use the power to expand your electric field to mow
>over
>St. Canard.......?
>
>Megavolt: nah, too obvious.... I know!! I can use my superior electric
>abilities to Steal GizmoDuck's metal suit, then wear the Armor, take over
>the Electrical plant, and use the power to expand you electric field to mow
>over St. Canard!!! a brilliant plan If I say so Myself......
>
>Lil Wattson: Dude, you ripped that off........
>
>Megavolt: i know, I thought it'd be a funny joke. I simply can't admit that
>I have not an original bone in my body......
CROW:[author] Nor do I have the ability to write effectively.
>
>Lil Wattson: there, theere, Dude. We'll just say it was yours.....
>
>Megavolt: ENOUGH OF THIS!! Let's go find
SERVO:[Megavolt] The author and kill him!
MIKE: That's a little extreme, isn't it? Besides, I don't think this
story
is justification for murder.
>Gizmoduck, and then We DESTROY ST. CANARD!!!!!! MUAHAHA-
>
>lil Wattson: Aw let me do it this time...........
>
>Megavolt: Oh, ok.....
>
>Lil Wattson: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!
>
>.....at hamburger Hippo.......
>
>(launchpad munches out on trayfulls of burgers, While darkwing mopes and
>sips
>a supernaturally-thick Shake)
>
>Darkwing: *slurp, Slurp* This Shake is so thick, it isn't natural....
>
CROW: Kinda like the author's skull when it comes to using written
English.
MIKE: OK, you two. That's enough jabs at the author for awhile.
>Gizmoduck: Oh, it isn't really that bad.....
>(presses a button, and an elecric mixer pops out of his chest cavity, and
>mixes his shake)
>
>Darkwing: Feh, Showoff.......
>
>Gizmoduck: Who you calling a showoff.......?
CROW:[Gizmoduck] You wanna pick a fight with me? *You* wanna pick a
fight
with *me?* Huh?
>(Darkwing stares at Gizmoduck)
>Ok, ok, I get it. you're Jealous.........
>
>Darkwing: AM NOT!!
>( A gizmoduck voodoo doll slips out of Darkwing's pocket)
MIKE: There's no hoodoo that do voodoo like he do...
>Uh, that's a...........
>
>Launchpad: Pin cushion?
>
>Darkwing: Shut up...... (finishes his milkshake) Hey, Bub, Gimme another
>one......
>
>Cashier: Hey, it looks like you've had enough.....
>
>Darkwing: (Grabs the Cashier by the coller) I'll Tell you when i've had
>enough, you zit-faced, bell-ringing Doofus......
>
CROW: Sounds like a cameo by the author...
MIKE: Crow! I thought I told you not to do that!
CROW: Well, what would you have said?
>gizmoduck: (brushes Darkwing off the cashier) hey, Hey, Calm down there,
>pal......
>
>Cashier: your friend is something else, Mr. Gizmoduck....
>
>Gizmoduck: Well, Citizen, He's not a very "Well" person......
SERVO:[Gizmoduck] And your serving him alcoholic milkshakes doesn't
help
any.
>
>Darkwing: Ok, that's it (gets out of his chair, and starts doing Kung fu
>stances and junk) C'mon metal Man, Let's go round, and round.....
>(Kicks Gizmoduck, and breaks his toe) OOOWOWOWOW!!
>
>Gizmoduck: valient attempt, but my invincible might will protect me from
>all danger........
>
SERVO: Lucky for him there's an industry regulation against graphic
violence
and this author isn't good enough to do anything but follow it.
>Darkwing: you self-righeous TIN CAN!! MYYY TOE!!! (hops up and down)
>(starts Charging at Gizmoduck, Gizmoduck, presses a few buttons, and a
>pair of hands, holding Cymbols pop out, and slam Darkwing in between them)
>Goodnight, Mah-mah (faints.....)
SERVO: Heh heh. Another overused cleche. Cute.
CROW:[sounding tired] I feel faint, Mike. I think I need a break.
MIKE: Hold out for a couple minutes. We'll get one soon.
>
>Launchpad: (Drags Darkwing, and puts him in the Side-car of the Ratcatcher)
>Well, Uh, Thanks for the meal, Fen, I Won't waste a minute more of your
>time
>
SERVO:[Launchpad] But if you could spare a few bucks for gas...
>Gizmoduck:(In Fenton voice, whispering) Hey, Don't mention it, LP.....
>
MIKE: Propane?
CROW: Smells like we got a leak. Better clear out for awhile.
[All exit theater]
[comertial for Wendy's 99-cent value meals]