[MSTed] 'Welcome To My Nightmare, Charlie Brown' [ORIG]
Megane 6.7
(And give yourself a severe case of
eyestrain)
(The future isn't what it used to be....)
"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON FOUR)
EPISODE 35: WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE, CHARLIE BROWN
(An Original Fanfic MSTing)
MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 and Zoogz (mega...@rogers.com)
(zo...@yahoo.com)
This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering
my own ass here folks....
"Welcome To My Nightmare Charlie Brown" is the property of Ryot and
he's welcome to it. I do not intend to offend him for making fun of his work
like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think
of this as another form of C&C. It's all meant in good fun. ;)
(Cue "Mystery Science Theater 6.7 Love Theme" in 5... 4... 3....)
It's the not-too-distant future,
Last Sunday BC
There was this guy named Joel
Not so different from you or me
He worked at Gizmonic Institute
Just another guy in a red jumpsuit
He did a great job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses really hate him
So they shot him into space!!!!
Joel:
(OH... MY... GODDESS!!!)
Crow and Tom:
(IT'S MEGAMI-SAMA!)
(Instead of holding messed up video, Frank's holding a computer printout)
We'll send him crappy fanfics
The worst we can find (lalala)
He'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor his mind (lalala)
(Instead of where it shows the guys watching the movie, it shows them
ducking behind their seats for 'Artemis's Lover'.)
Now keep in mind Joel can't control
When the fanfics begin or end (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
To make his robot friends;
ROBOT ROLL CALL:
CAMBOT:
'Text only'?
Gypsy:
'Oh, my!'
Tom Servo:
'Sweet-o!'
CROOOOOOOW!!!
'I'm not a hentai!'
If your wondering how Joel eats and breathes
And other science facts (lalala)
Then repeat to yourself
*It's just a MiST*
You should really just relax
for MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7!!!!
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
The click-clacking sound of keyboards echoed faintly on the bridge as
Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo each sat behind their respective personal
computers.
"Okay, I'll trade you frankt...@netscape.com for
far...@yahoo.com, juliee@mailcity, and an account to be named later!"
Crow offered.
"Whoa, whoa, not so fast there, buddy. Last time you paid up an
e-mail IOU, it turned out to be a nabiki.com account and it stunk up my
total spam numbers!" Tom retorted.
"Oh, what a little suckup! Remember, I could have given you
mr_e...@aol.com, so be grateful, ya crumb!" Crow fired back.
"All right, all right, throw in a hotmail account and you've got a
deal." Tom conceded.
"Come on, Servo! That would give you absolute power over my
Urdora account! I'm not about to let yggdrasil.com fall to a devil like
you! How stupid do you think I am!?" Crow raged.
"Gee, how many guesses do I get?" Tom replied sardonically.
As the bots continued their heated argument, Joel's head suddenly
popped into the camera's view.
"Hi everyone! Welcome to the Satellite of Love! Some of you are
probably wondering what Tom and Crow are going on about. Last week,
Crow got the idea to start an e-mail rotisserie league and it's been on-line
warfare ever since...."
"Hey, I was totally willing to settle for a balance before Skuld here
decided to launch a full scale invasion my Juno accounts!" Tom whined.
"Sour grapes, Servo! Besides, at least I'm not the one blackmailing
Gypsy!" Crow replied, a mischievous gleam in his eye.
"S-stupid! That was supposed to be a secret!" Tom hissed.
"Blackmail?" Joel looked over at Tom who shrunk back noticeably as
Gypsy abruptly strode onto the bridge, gingerly balancing a laptop
computer on what passed for her stomach. "Tom, I brought the
accounts you wanted, can I have ric...@richardbaseheart.org now
please?" Gypsy begged.
"I-It's not as bad as it looks, Joel! Honest!" Tom blurted out.
"Tom! How could you?" Joel exclaimed, shocked.
"Aw, come on, it's... it's not like she uses the computer often!
She's usually too busy running the higher functions of the ship so I
just thought...." Tom's voice trailed off as he looked away.
"You thought you could take advantage of her love for Richard
Baseheart for your own gains." Joel finished for him. "Peddling e-mails,
how low can you get, Tom....?"
"You're right! I'm totally out of control! But I had to do it, Joel!"
Tom exclaimed with an exaggerated sob. "Crow's dead set on putting my
team out of business! I had to do whatever it took to stay afloat, even if it
meant betraying a close friend! Oh, Gypsy, can you ever forgive me?" Tom
cried.
"Welllll... exploiting me wasn't very nice... but I suppose I COULD
forgive you for say... your Lycos accounts?" Gypsy innocently suggested.
"W-WHAT?!?" Tom was outraged. "B-But that's the heart of my entire
collection! If I lose those....!"
"So you feel no guilt for exploiting Gypsy then? For shame...." Crow
teased.
"Guys, two wrongs don't make a right...." Joel admonished.
"Yeah, one wrong is plenty enough!" Tom agreed wholeheartedly. "Now
hurry up and give me your accounts, Gypsy, so you can learn a valuable
lesson in gullibility!"
"Tom, you're not helping...." Joel admonished as he noticed the red light
flashing on the console. "Anyway, time to save your game and quit for now...
Robert Foster and Joey just came on-line...."
* * *
DEEP 13
Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank stood side by side as they watched the
viewscreen list possible titles for the experiment this week.
"How about that one?" Frank pointed to a title.
"No, it's too soon for another lemon... perhaps that one?"
"Hmm... wait, go back a bit... A-ha! I believe THAT one has aged
sufficiently enough...."
"Ah, 1998, a very bad year for fanfics...." Frank mused.
"Fine bouquet, terrible color... and the taste doesn't jog well... yes,
this
fanfic should suit the occasion...." Dr. Forrester chuckled while eagerly
rubbing his hands together. "Go retrieve it while I summon my fiddlers
three...."
"Okie dokie." Frank replied as he went over to the filing cabinet to
retrieve the fanfic in question as Dr. Forrester walked over to the console
and activated the viewscreen. "Salutations, Misfits! I trust you haven't
fallen prey to the winter blues since we last spoke?"
"No, but tensions are rather high as the battle enters it's fourth
week...."
Joel muttered as he listened to Tom, Crow and Gypsy continue to argue
quietly behind him.
"Excellent! Then I still have a chance to induce the frostbite
PERSONALLY...." Dr. Forrester replied with an evil smile as he reached
into his pocket and pulled out a small plastic case. "Recently, I attempted
to make the big switch from glasses to contact lenses, only to get an
infection of the cornea because I foolishly entrusted the purchase to Frank,
who bought them second hand at a rummage sale...."
"Hey, you told me to cut corners whenever possible!" Frank exclaimed.
"Good point. Why don't you buy a second hand scalpel and perform
your own tracheotomy while you're at it?" Dr. Forrester replied in a
menacing tone.
"Awww, but I just ate!" Frank pouted as Dr. Forrester rolled his eyes
before continuing the presentation. "Anyway, after the infection healed, I
decided to stick with glasses but soon found myself with a rather large
surplus of salt water after the conclusion of the last experiment...."
"Salt water?" Joel inquired, confused.
"Don't ask." Dr. Forrester shot a look at Frank who blushed and turned
away. "The point is, I decided to put the salt water to good use as a contact
solution... heh heh heh...." Dr. Forrester chuckled as he removed his
glasses and wiped them clean on his labcoat. "Throw in a drop or three
of sulfuric acid and we're talking some SERIOUS pain to the peepers.
Ahh, just picturing all those vain fools clawing, scratching and rubbing
their eyeballs raw makes the memory of my own suffering melt away...."
"Oh, I can help you remember, Dr. F!" Frank chimed in. "Let's see, first
you screamed for me to find the eyewasher, then you.... OW, HEYYY!!"
Frank yelped in pain as Dr. Forrester abruptly grabbed him in a headlock
while popping open the plastic case with the salt water contact solution.
"I decided to call it 'Clear Eyes' and as a bonus, Frank's going to be
demonstrating the product for you shortly. In the meantime, though,
let's see what's you got for us this week, Popeil...."
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
"Yikes. Talk about an eye for an eye." Tom remarked.
"Yeah, really makes you BLINK, doesn't it?" Crow wisecracked.
Gypsy groaned. "That was BAD, Crow. Really BAD."
"You're right, it was a LASH decision on my part!" Crow added with a
giggle before being chased off the bridge by Tom and Gypsy. Meanwhile,
Joel struggled to lift what appeared to be a huge pink mannequin onto the
countertop. As Crow sprinted back onto the bridge to escape his pursuers,
he noticed what Joel was doing and gasped.
"KIM CATRELL! MANNEQUIN! NOOOO!!!" Crow exclaimed in
horror. "Why couldn't you have chosen Andrew McCarthy?!"
"Wrong... mannequin, Crow...." Joel wheezed as he finally managed
to lay the mannequin on its side. "This... is for everyone who's sick and
tired of all these lame cutesy stress organizers that puncture far too
easily, leaving messy jelly stains all over your desk and doing a crappy
job of lowering your stress level...."
"Cause, really, when you need to release some steam, you want to do a
helluva lot more than massage a little toy. You want to kick ass fast and
kick ass HARD! Enter 'Oozo'...." Tom continued as he hovered back
onto the bridge.
"This life-sized stress organizer, combining state of the art sponge
technology with some silly putty we had laying around, is designed to take a
tremendous beating while being flexible enough to give you the impression
that you're seriously damaging it. You can tear off its limbs, throw it off
buildings, run over it repeatedly with your car, use it as your personal
trampoline, and much much more!"
"And best of all, it'll return to its normal shape within an hour, pumped
and ready for the next time you need to lash out without incurring property
damage or invoking hurt feelings! What do you think, sirs?" Joel inquired.
* * *
DEEP 13
Dr. Forrester smirked. "Not bad, Joel, but I think I'll stick to my usual
methods of dealing with stress... speaking of which, your experiment this
week will be your first exposure to a original fanfic, penned by none other
than the author of *R*P*M*...."
"*R*P*M*? The fic where Tuxy got ten shots up the nose? All right!
This s gonna rule!" Tom cheered.
"For shame, Tom, have you forgotten poor Jupiter's decapitation
already?" Crow replied disapprovingly.
"That's right, Sam and Max! The hellspawn, hellbent-commander,
accursed demon, senshi slaughtering samurai Flynn is BACK. If you
thought *R*P*M* was bizarre, you ain't seen nothing yet! Prepare
yourselves for a helluva head trip titled 'Welcome To My Nightmare,
Charlie Brown!' BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Send 'em the fanfic,
Frank...."
"Steve? Is that you? What are you doing in Utena?" A dazed Frank
exclaimed as he blindly stumbled around the lab, his eyes a bright pink....
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
Crow and Tom were still arguing over the merits and faults of *R*P*M*
when alarms wailed and multicolored lights flashed.
"OHHH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!" Joel cried out.
(Door 6: It's a metal door with no knob. Before you can do anything, it's
yanked off its hinges from the other side by a tow truck.)
(Door 5: It's an old fashioned elevator. Both sets of doors open for you as
you pass through.)
(Door 4: It's made of dominoes. You tip the lead one over and watch as
the pile slowly lowers until it's half its original size and you step over it.)
(Door 3: It's filled with cute stuffed toys. You cuddle them for awhile
before proceeding.)
(Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and
touches the door. The door vanishes.)
(Door 1: It's a castle gate that rises into the ceiling, revealing a drawbridge
that slowly lowers to the ground. You cross it cautiously, looking for moat
monsters.)
(Door .7: It's a swirling blue vortex. Suddenly a large hand reaches out of
its center and pulls you inside.)
Joel emerged from the vortex into the theater with Tom in his arms,
Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping over
the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his own, Joel
placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to him, Crow
sitting on his right.
>Hello everyone, and welcome to our madness.
Tom: Please enjoy some complimentary marbles at our expense.
Joel: <singing> Try the house of fun, it's quicker if you run... this
is a chemist, not a party shop!
>This fanfic is based on a discussion I had with a friend of mine earlier.
Crow: <author> We just popped down to poetry night at the local Starbucks,
slapped down the moolah for a pair of mocha lattes, and went to town!
Tom: <author> But it seems the moderator wasn't too happy about the
swearing, and tempbanned us! Waaahh....
>We were talking about nightmares, as the title implies. We found that 2
>of our dreams had been linked, in a weird way:
Joel: Dreamsharing? Is this a Zak McCracken crossover too?
Tom: <author> See, he was *asleep* when he had his dreams... and so
was I! Wow, what a small world we live in!
Crow: When you're dreaming of hypertext, it's time to get OFF the
computers, boys!
>I was looking at a bubbling pool in my dream
Joel: All of a sudden, a gollum appeared out of nowhere!
Crow: <Gollum> Yesss, preciousss?
>he was drowning in it in his dream. For real, too!!
Joel: <author> Before I knew it, I had ice skates on... and then it became
"On Golden Pond"!!
Crow: Luckily he woke up in the nick of time and realized apple bobbing
and vodka were a dangerous combination.
>Then he talked about a dream which he insists was a sick anime he
>had seen around preschool-age;
Joel: Meanwhile, a horny teenager was bewildered by a copy of 'My
Neighbor Totoro'....
Crow: See what happens when you play loose and free with the 18up label?
Tom: The effect of Carl Macek can be detected early... but now, there's a
fast-acting vaccine that spares children the pain that previous generations
had to endure.
>I doubt that anyone could make an anime as sick as he said it was(maybe
>a mix of his imagination and 'Heavy Metal'?), he even now becomes
>nervous whenever anyone stands behind him
Joel: Yeah, right. He just said the word "Candyman" to a dark mirror six
times, felt his cat brush up against his calf, and now he's a vegetable for
the rest of his life.
Tom: <Jusenkyo guide> A too tragic story!
>(and this is a guy who _laughed_ at "'Anaconda"'s gory scenes, folks!!).
Tom: Yeah, I laughed at Anaconda too.
Joel: The gory scenes?
Tom: No, the whole thing.
Crow: That's funny, I found myself cheering.
>As for me, I don't get scared. Sure, you can startle me; that's
>a mental reflex. However, I have yet to find anything to sincerely freak
>me out.
Joel: In that case, may we suggest a certain purple dinosaur?
Tom: Or a cat loving hermaphrodite?
Joel: Or a uber-menschette starship captain?
Crow: Any one will do.
>Anyway, enjoy the fic; oh yeah, this is voluntarily rated NC-17 for
>intensity, language, sex, and extreme ultra-violence.
Joel: Extreme super dooper double dog ultra-violence with just a hint
o' mint!
Tom: And, with a header like that, the fic could consist of one sentence...
"'Fuckin' A, you ho', you deserve a good beating!', said the pimp."
>Anyone who is spooked easy; don't read this. But for those who want
>to see some seriously sweeeeet shit, here ya go!!!!!!!!!!
Joel: Eww, Kool-Aid isn't supposed to be mixed with *that*!
Crow: <author> Now, here's the interactive part. You must read aloud
the next three words... "Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice"! And don't
say I didn't warn ya!
>Dedicated to SD, I hope you feel better soon,
Joel: Hey, any fic dedicated to Super Dave Osborne can't be all bad.
Crow: <Fuji Hakayito> SO SORRY, SU-PAH!!! THOUGHT YOU WERE
READY, SU-PAH!!!
>and Vincent Price, who should have been Genod Ikari's voice actor.
Tom: Well, he *WAS* Genod Ikari's voice actor... too bad Gendo's evil
twin brother never had a speaking part in Neon Genesis Evangelion.
Crow: <author> Anyone who had a long-standing role in the creepiest of
creepy shows, "Scooby Doo and the 13 Ghosts", gets a mention in MY fic!
>******
>Welcome to my nightmare, charlie brown!!!!!!!!!!
>*******
Tom: Hey, I'm willing to donate a nickel to his psychiatric needs.
Crow: <Charlie Brown> I never win a baseball game, can't fly a kite, and
get dumped on by everyone in the Peanuts universe... bring it on, pal!
>A self-insertion night of hell
Joel: ...can be yours, if your name is Shakari!
Crow: Oh wait, that's OUR hell.
>********
>"All
>these memories
>fill my heart,
>they bury me"
>*********
Tom: <imitating the sound of a police siren>
Joel: <officer> Excuse me sir, but I see you attempting to verse back
there... may I see your poetic license and registration?
>The scientific, psychological reason for nightmares is usually stress, or
>your body's adrenaline system acting up.
Joel: Or too much pepperoni and anchovies.
>The metaphysical one usually has gremlins, or bad chi, or other such
>things.
Tom: How about Chia gremlins?
Joel: Yeah, I can't tell you how many times I've had my sleep ruined
by Gizmo.
Crow: Chi-spoilage is always such a bane in the summertime....
>Neither is right. An integral part of fear is confusion. You don't know
>how or why. Then you find out, and things get worse..........
Tom: Sooo... where do Snoopy and Woodstock fit into all of this?
Joel: On a mad existential ride, forever fighting the Red Baron?
Tom: Or heck, just sleeping through this fanfic....
Crow: Hey, quit theorizing! You want things to get worse!?
>**********************
Joel: Hey, I have those same decals in my bathtub!
><what the hell-?> that was my first thought.
Tom: Soon to be followed by 'gimmie that nipple!'
Joel: Y'know, it's rough starting life as a bowl of petunias in degenerating
low-orbit...
Crow: Even worse if you're a sperm whale.
>I had just gotten my first personal email account, so I remember the
>night.
Crow: <author> Woo-hoo! I got rad...@aol.com!
Tom: <author> And what a monumental event it was! By the time I
sold my last ticket, my bedroom was standing room only!
Joel: Sadly, he had to refund everyone's money when the e-mail was
called on account of spam.
>I was in a room filled with creatures.
Tom: IT'S THE LORD... NOAH.
Joel: Rrrrrrright.
>It seemed so surreal-like I was in a painting for World of Darkness:
>Changeling.
Crow: Or the climax of 'Leonard Part 6'.
Joel: Or at the petting zoo.
Tom: <Guide> And here comes the rude deer! Better watch your
caboose, kids!
>Then their leader showed up. He looked like a member of KISS.
Tom: Oh cripes, as if he wasn't annoying enough in the real world, now
he's prostituting KISS in our dreams! IS THERE NO ESCAPE FROM
THE PLAGUE OF GENE SIMMONS?!?
Joel: Ironically enough, he could be the author's real father too.
>He didn't really talk-it was just a voice in my mind, not mine, not the
>voice I knew as mine but a different one; the one I only 'heard in my
>nightmares.
Joel: <author> For some reason, I was reminded over and over that this
was CNN.
Crow: <author> Hey, is this Charlie? Can I meet your angels?
>Because in my nightmares, I also felt pain.
Crow: <author> And in my nightmares, I'd keep yelling "TETSUO!!"
Tom: <author> And when my nightmares give me pain, I reach for Nuprin.
Small. Yellow. And now, coated with codeine for that extra kick!
>Nothing serious, like 'A nightmare on Elm Street', just aches when I
>woke up, sore limbs or muscles which reminded me of what had
>happened.
Crow: <author> I gotta quit Tae Bo-ing in my sleep!
Joel: <author> It was then I made the toughest choice of my life... and
started sleeping in the bottom bunk.
>Of the 'voice', which I heard. And it only 'said' one thing, this time:
><I'll give you a head start...>
Joel: <author> And although I could only move so fast as a tortoise, I
knew the hare's cocky attitude would be his undoing....
>I ran for a door. I found one, and the outside of it was an airport.
Crow: <Pernell Roberts> My job, my way.
Tom: <voice> The white zone is for loading and unloading of delusions
only. There is no delusions in the red zone....
>Their was a group of people walking to a plane. I ran to it, and walked side
>by side with a darkhaired girl, who said they had been looking for me.
Crow: Shouldn't that be 'little red-haired girl' if this relates to Charlie
Brown?
Tom: <dark-haired girl> About time you showed up, you blockhead! I've
brought the football so get punting!
Joel: <author> I never should've walked into open auditions for Tattoo!
>I turned around and saw a red blur moving through the line.
Crow: <author> What the Flash was doing in my dream, I had no idea.
Tom: A special cameo from Neil Smith! Let's give him a hand, folks!
>I turned, and yet again she talked about our ride.
Joel: <author> It was a slow ride. And we took it easy.
>Then I felt pain.
All: <author> TETSUO!!
>Then I felt nothing.
Crow: Man, these IRS audits are getting quicker and quicker!
Joel: <author> Then I felt hungry and dreamed up some tasty waffles.
Tom: Here, we're on a hunt with the wild Watusi tribe of Africa and... oooh,
it appears that they caught some dinner!
>*********************
Tom: If you had this many Alka-Seltzer and more... you'd STILL be feeling
pretty gassy.
Joel: Meanwhile, in a deserted pumpkin patch not far away, a young boy
clutches his security blanket while continuing his vigil of the Great
Pumpkin....
>Flynn wasn't having a better time. Two huge, slimy creatures were arguing
>over who got him.
Tom: <Thelma> Mmmm. What do you say to a menage, Patty?
Joel and Crow: Ewwwwww.
>They each held up scissors, rasping, "He's mine!!!!!
>He's mine!!!!" and started to slash each other's necks up,
Tom: Oh, it's just Sid Vicious and Arn Anderson having another tiff.
Crow: Give 'em the squeegee, Sid!
Joel: 'When Barbers Attack!' Coming up next on Non-Stop Fox!
>causing blood to spray like an opressive downpour in Portland Oregon
>during December.
Tom: As if the man wasn't bad enough, now we've got WEATHER
holding us down!
Crow: (holds up picture of Willard Scott) Fight the REAL enemy!
*rrrrrrip*
Joel: <author> And for those of you that's never been to the Oregon
coastline, it was... uh... really really rainy. Yeah....
>Flynn, trying not to slip on the blood as the things impaled each other's
>necks and popped out their adam's apples's,
Joel: ...failed to notice the banana peel until it was too late.
Crow: <Flynn> Crap, these were new shoes too! <sighs> Oh well, at least
they're far less likely to be stolen now....
Tom: Nike Air Blood. Just Kill It.
>ran away, but flet something *splat* against his back.
Tom: <Flynn> A tomato? But I haven't even told a joke yet!
Crow: <creature> Care for some freshly sliced adam's apple pie, Flynn?
>It was one of the freaks's voice boxes. He continued running.
Joel: <Flynn> No time to be horrified, I'm late for class!
Crow: <freak> Oops, sorry about that, little fella! Just send the
dry-cleaning bill to my silent friend here!
Tom: <freak> !!
>After running for a while, he came across an android girl.
Crow: <Key> I must find ten thousand friends... will you be my friend?
Tom: <Gally> I'm not some doll for you to play with!
Joel: <Nuku Nuku> Have you seen my Kei?
Tom: <Cutey Honey> I'm going to change now.
Crow: <Lal> Care to bite this female?
>She was hooked up to a terminal and seemingly asleep; while a 'Missing
>Component' sign flashed on the terminal screen.
Crow: Along with the recent arrivals at gate 12.
Joel: <Flynn, singing> With the thoughts she be thinkin' she could be
another Lincoln... if she only had a brain!
>Flynn picked up a circuit board and prepared to insert it; however, he
>didn't know where.
Tom: <Flynn> Ah hell, I'll just practice on her ikanai places...*click*...
well, I'll be damned!
>After inspecting its perfect plastic body, he realized where it had to go.
Crow: On to a promising career as Kim Catrell's stand-in?
Joel: A campaign gift for Teddy Kennedy?
Tom: A dreamhouse somewhere in Malibu?
><In her _ass_? No.......farther down...........> Flynn couldn't believe this.
Crow: You and us both, pal.
Joel: <Flynn> All the way down to her SHINS? No way!
>But he had no choice,
Crow: <Cherry> It is fate.
Tom: <author> By the power of Greyskull, you WILL shove that board
where the sun don't shine! I, your beloved author, have spoken!
>so he slid the circuit board into place, and proceeded to hear some
>_very_ strange noises.
Joel: <mechanic> Uh-oh, sounds like your android need a new Johnson
rod... no problem though, I can let ya have one of mine for about... ohhhhh...
fifteen-hundred?
Crow: <Flynn> Let me just pop the trunk and take a quick lookie here...
Woah! Diarrhea *IS* a storm raging inside her!
>The android girl's well-rounded buttocks suddenly reformed,
Tom: They joined the peace corps and devoted their lives to helping others.
Crow: Either that or they joined up with Preston Manning.
>showing a circuit breaker board.
Joel: Um... Intel Inside?
Crow: <Flynn> Hmm, there's a label here... Mail Order Maiden... 28?
><Now, why would this be here?> Flynn thought sarcastically, when
>suddenly-
Tom: ...it began to emit a noxious nitrogen compound. Flynn quickly
decided then that being around a hollow-butted android girl was a
*bad* idea.
>***********
Crow: Ack, the spiky balls are back! Quick, duck!
Joel: Any chance this fanfic will be called on account of scene change?
>-He was drowning. He didn't know how or why. He couldn't move.
Tom: <Flynn> Aw, but I just called Ryder Truck! I'm ready to go, dude!
Crow: <Flynn> Oh, cool! Someone must be trying to implant adamantium
into my skeleton! Yeah! Knuckle Blades SO kick ass!
Joel: Well, I guess Flynn can add 'Useless Ninny' to his list of occupations.
Tom: Yeah! This Flynn is nowhere NEAR advertised! Can we return the
unused portion for a full refund?
>Flynn could hear his family screaming, but all her could do was sink
>lower and lower
Crow: Her? Is he sinking into Jusenkyo quicksand?
Joel: See, this is why I don't attend family reunions anymore. Even
impending death can't shut these people up!
Tom: No, really, what does this have to do with Charlie Brown again? Is
Flynn the replacement for Pigpen?
Crow: Only if he starts dancing and kicking up clouds.
>his lungs beginning to drown in water as he sunk...................
Tom: ...into Lake Ellipses.
Crow: <Flynn> But I just wanted to play Crimson Tide! Ding Ding!
All hands rig for dive! Woo-wooo!
Joel: <shaking his head> Poor Flynn should've listened to Lucy when he
had the chance....
>Then he saw a shark. He couldn't resist.
Tom: <Flynn> Now where'd I put those pesky water-skis?
Crow: <Author> What!? Oh NO! Flynn, STOP! DON'T JUMP
THAT SHARK!!!
Joel: And from that point on, the fanfic began to decline.
>Time to die.
Crow: Bite me, Mr. Wolf.
>The sting of his arm being ripped off was greatly dulled by the loss of
>air, but was still a sharp pain.
Crow: <singing> Always look on the bright side of death....
Tom: No doubt about it... Flynn has to stop falling asleep in the bathtub...
and while he's at it, he really should retire that rubber ducky....
Joel: <Flynn> Rubber ducky?!? You're the one?!?
>The epitome of hell, really- on the brink of death, but never actually
>dying.
Crow: Wait, you just described KISS again.
>That's how it felt, until his lungs finally gave as the shark bit into his
>chest, giving beautiful, painful, release.
Tom: ...to the shark as his hunger pangs were satisfied for the moment.
Joel: How do you like your Flynn, Sharky?
Crow: But until the doctor stitches that up, he won't be getting much
closure! Heh heh... ow!
>**************
Tom: Hey! A school of pufferfish! Go after that shark, boys!
Joel: Well, so far this "nightmare" wouldn't even scare Sally Brown!
>I was suddenly outside of a house.
Joel: <motherly> And don't come back till you get a real job!
Crow: It was a house with large green gables, owned by a Canadian
brother and sister...
Tom: <author> But enough about Flynn, let's get back to my pain now,
shall we?
>There was a pool. One side had a dark stain
Crow: Must be the gene pool.
>and the other was bubbling like a whitewater rapid.
Joel: It's Sam Kinison's hot tub!
Tom: Well, let's recap the fanfic so far... Gene Simmons challenges the
author to a race before getting bored to death by the dark-haired woman
while Flynn has a violent encounter with slimy ventriloquists before
shoving the circuit board up the android's ass only to experience the
sweet release of becoming shark chow....
Joel: You know, guys... these fanfics Dr. F send us... they're pretty weird.
Crow: You noticed that too, huh?
>I ran inside as fast as I could.
Joel: Hey, no running on the deck! Don't you remember your swimming
lessons!?
Tom: <author> Fast as fast can be, you'll never catch me!
Crow: <author> Where's my speedos?!? There's SWIMMIN' to be done!
>For a second, I could have sworn someone was watching me.
(Joel and Tom abruptly stare up at the ceiling, whistling innocently.)
Crow: <author> Then I heard a cry of Roxanne and I knew Sting was
lurking nearby....
>I went to the top of a staircase in the room, which was completely
>covered in blue calico wallpaper.
Tom: <author> Bad enough I'm having a nightmare, but these colors!
Yeesh!
Crow: They papered the walls with dead cats?
Joel: <wallpaper> OSCARRRRRRRR... OSCARRRRRRRRRRRRRR....
Crow: <shudders> Please don't do that.
>I made a decision. I was going to wake up.
Joel: <author> Watching Flynn get eaten by a shark is one thing but
exposing me to blue calico wallpaper is GOING TOO FAR!!!
><I've done this before, right? just jump off the stairs and wake up.
Joel: ...screaming with a pair of broken legs.
Crow: <author> I mean, what are the odds that I'll be sleepwalking on
the ledge of a five story building... again?
>So I jumped in the air.......landed.....felt crushing pain in my
>legs... and woke up, with a leg that stayed sore the rest of the day.
Tom: <leg> How DARE you hurt me! Time for another charlie horse!
Joel: <author> Owowow! I said I was sorry!
Tom: <leg> Shut up! And stop trying to stretch me out! I'm not through
punishing you yet!
>**************************
Crow: Donut Holes! It's what's for breakfast!
Joel: Scene changes are like tribbles, a little fanfic and they multiply
like crazy....
>"Somewhere in time, He is laughing at us....."
Joel: Red rover, red rover, let hyphen come over!
Crow: Darn that Don Rickles! Won't he ever die?
Tom: <deep voice> Psst? Hey Peter, come here for a sec... get a load of
my dumb kids down there! <chortle> Any wonder why it only took six
days to make 'em?
>***********************************************************
>**********************************
Joel: A good scene change deserves another line.
Tom: How your large intestines look after a full meal of Chickenballs.
>Oh, well. I guess it wasn't THAT bad.
Tom: Guess again.
Joel: Nah. More like an infant's fever dream, actually.
Crow: Watching Flynn get his after what he did to Jupiter in *R*P*M*?
I'd say it had it's moments.
Tom: Fanboy.
Crow: Bite me!
>You probably read worse, though I doubt it.
Tom: <Flynn, dubbed> There is absolutely no doubting of the certainty
that my story is truly the vilest of all!
Crow: <dubbed voice> INDEED!
Joel: <Flynn> And that's the last time I darken a room and yell "Bloody
Mary"!
>In fact, if you can find a fic that matches this for graphicness(other than
>anything else I write, ^_^), send it to me.
Tom: Dr. Forrester, I hope you're reading this.
Crow: I'd send him a copy of 'Countess Chronicles' but I misplaced my
industrial rubber gloves and radiation suit....
>Maybe I'll make this bigger some other time.
Tom: I can make it bigger now. THIS!
Joel: <author> I'll make a director's cut! And put it on DVD! With
seventy-two hours of bonus features! Yeah, take that, Dreamworks!
>But hey; you'll have to admit this would be scary if it all happened as a
>confusing dream, wouldn't it?
Joel: As opposed to being ACTUALLY eaten by a shark, right?
Tom: Hey, I wouldn't mind the android girl... especially if she's anything
like Ani and Uni Puma....
Crow: Hey, good point, even if you'd have to wash your hands every time
you turned her on and off....
>________________________________________________________
Tom: Marvel as the author boldly holds down two keys for an extended
period of time!
Crow: Awesome!
>You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail.
Crow: Just give us your number and we'll phone our spam directly to
you!
Joel: <operator> Good day, sir or madam, do you enjoy seeing
unspeakably horrific photos of hideously ugly women naked?
*click* Hello? Hello?
>Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com
Tom: Seventy three e-mails from Dick Cavett... and they're MINE!
All MINE!
Joel: Wow! Now I have access to all the 'FREE MONEY
OPPORTUNITIES!!' I could ever want!
>Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]
Joel: ...and ask him if he has ten pound balls. If he says yes, ask him how
he got over to the phone so fast....
Crow: Heh, I love that joke.
Tom: Speaking of jokes, what did you make of this fanfic?
Crow: Well, the dead cat wallpaper thing was neat... and Flynn becoming
fish food was worth a chuckle... but to be honest, I've read far scarier
stuff on a ingredient list for Twinkies. What about you, Joel?
Joel: I still think the most interesting thing about this fanfic was the title.
What the connection between Charlie Brown and the dream? Did the
author intend for Charlie Brown to be Flynn? His friend who he
supposedly shared the dream with? Or maybe even the reader?
Crow: <groans> Joel, you're making my brain hurt.
Tom: Well, idle speculation aside, this is one mystery I'm willing to leave
unsolved... what's say we adjourn to the bridge and partake in the fine art
of loafing?
Joel: Suits me. Lead the way, Garfield.
(Joel picks up Tom and follows Crow out of the theater.)
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
Joel placed a martini glass filled to the brim with ramchips on the
counter as Tom and Crow drooled nearby. "Okay, guys, if you can tell
me a good thing and a bad thing about the fanfic we just read, you get
a ramchip. Crow, you can start...."
"Okay, okay... ummm... a bad thing was the fanfic made no sense
and a good thing...."
"Whoa, hold the phone there, Speedy!" Tom protested. "The fanfic
was based on the author's dream and since most dreams rarely make
sense, can that really be considered a bad thing?"
"He's got a point there, Crow." Joel nodded.
"Argh... okay, give me a second... umm... bad thing about the fanfic... I
know! The author assumed that we'd know what an oppressive downpour
in Oregon during December was like, despite the general fanfic reading
population being spread over a much wider geographical area!" Crow
exclaimed proudly.
"Reaching for the stars for that one, eh Crow?" Tom jeered.
"Oh, get stuffed, McBile." Crow snapped. "And as for the good
thing... uhhh... no senshi named Jupiter got decapitated. Yeah, that's
a good thing! Now, gimmie my ramchip!"
"Hold your horses, Crow. Your turn, Tommy." Joel replied.
"No problem. Let's see... uhh... a good thing about this fanfic was the
cryptic title that grabbed our attention... even if the fanfic had absolutely
NOTHING to do with Charlie Brown or any other characters from
Peanuts...."
"Hold it! Foul! Time out!" Crow protested. "The title might be clever,
sure, but it's never a good idea to give your fanfic a name that starts with a
letter around the end of the alphabet!"
"Huh? Why not?" Tom replied, confused.
"Simple, bubblebrain, most fanfic archives go by alphabetical order
and it's been statistically proven that most casual readers read down the
list and rarely get to titles below the letter 'N'!" Crow replied.
"What!? That's the biggest crock of monkey snot I've ever heard!
And even if that were true, would YOU want to read a fanfic called
"AAAAAWelcome To My Nightmare, Charlie Brown"!? Tom retorted.
"Beats the hell out of having your work lost in the shuffle!" Crow
retorted. "You agree with me, don't you, Joel?"
"Uhh, it's an interesting observation, Crow, but... well... I think you're
full
of it." Joel replied truthfully. "Objection overruled."
"Spoilsport." Crow muttered to himself.
"Tom, did you have a bad thing to say about the fanfic then?" Joel asked.
"Hmmm... only other bad thing I can think to add is the continuing
assumption by this author that we've never seen anything as sick and
violent as his fanfics. I mean, it's one thing to be confident and proud of
your gore but why not let the readers decide for themselves if your fic is
one for the dark ages...."
"Not only that.... Crow suddenly chimed in. "...but adding gore for
gore's
sake is pointless with any suspense! And without a decent plot, how can it
possibly thrill?"
"You, sirs, get a ramchip." Joel replied with a smile as he fished two
chips out of the martini glass and fed them to Tom and Crow. "Anyway,
we've got a letter to read...." Joel reached into his pocket. "This one is
from Marc and he writes...."
*Hey, I was just wondering something as I was reading IO Saga. Are
you going to have Joel escape and bring Mike up at the end of the 5th
season like in the TV show?*
"Mike... that name again... why does it seem so familiar... WHY?!?"
Crow exclaimed in frustration.
"Way to sell the fourth wall, buddy!" Tom marveled.
"Well, uh, I don't know any 'Mike', but I'd love to escape if I had the
chance. Course that probably won't happen if Dr. Forrester has his way...."
Joel said as he returned his attention to the letter.
*What about TV's Frank? Ya gonna kill him off for good?*
"Doubtful. Dr. Forrester's been trying for years but death won't touch
him." Tom remarked.
"Yeah, Frank could walk into a nuclear blast and come out with a even
tan. Someone up there likes him... or hates him... depending how you look
at it." Joel remarked.
*Great job, otherwise. Oh, MORE SAILOR MOON MSTINGS! You only
had 1 in the entire 3rd season! Heck, why not more of a variety of fanfics
anyway? Like, Dragon Ball or Gundam?
Later
Marc*
"Are you kidding? Season Fou... I mean, so far this is shaping up to be
the most eclectic season we've ever had!" Crow pointed out.
"Not to mention the Neon Genesis Evangelion and Gundam Wing
collaborations we've been helping MST on the side lately...." Tom
whispered to Crow who nodded in agreement.
"Still, we appreciate the feedback, Marc! Thanks for writing!" Joel
said as he gave the flashing red light on the console a tap. "What'da
think, sirs?"
* * *
DEEP 13
"Stand still, you big baby! I just want to see if Joel's theory holds any
water!" Dr. Forrester growled as he finished strapping a miniature A-bomb
to Frank's back.
"Can I bring along a Ball Park Frank? I skipped lunch again." Frank
requested meekly.
"Oh, all right! But push the button first! It's greasy enough as it is!"
Dr. Forrester snapped as Frank walked over to the console and flashed a
thumbs up at the viewscreen before pushing the button.
...AND THE MSTINGS
CONTINUE...
I hope you enjoyed this and comments are very welcome.
(mega...@rogers.com) (zo...@yahoo.com)
Author's Notes: Ahh, finished just in time for Valentine's Day... not that this
was a particularly romantic fanfic but what the hell, right? I had a little
trouble with the host segments this time around because my mind's being
stretched in five different places at once right now. Hopefully, things will
get back to normal for me sooner than later but in the meantime, I'm looking
forward to working on Jack Acid's secret project with Zoogz, as well as
another 'Dot Every T' MST... more information on those as it comes.... ;P
I've been MSTing for close to five years now and I want to thank each
and every person who's send me words of support and encouragement
and who have helped me throughout these last three years. I treasure
every piece of fan mail I receive and I consider it a great honor that
some people have dedicated their MSTings to me and tell me that I
helped encourage them to start MSTing. To all of you, thank you from
the bottom of my heart and I hope I can continue to inspire and make
you laugh for a long time to come. :)
I'd like to give personal thanks to Zoogz, who went above and beyond
the call of duty by helping me with some in-depth C&C and suggested
riffs and the MAD's invention, as well as helped with the host segments.
He is a very funny and talented author and you can find his
Mystery Science Cinema series at http://www.nabiki.com/mst/zoogz/mst/
including his latest MSTing 'Nyquil Doom' w/short 'Changes'. He is also
editing several FFIRC group MSTings including 'Battle Royale', coming
soon to a fanfiction archive near you!
Incidently, The Placid Jack Acid has been kicking it up a notch by
releasing several new revisions of his MST 3001 series. All these plus his
latest MST 'AlienNation', can be found at http://www.nabiki.com/mst/j_acid/
(We're also hard at work on a group project that must remain secret for now.
;P) You can find his awesome MST3K artwork scattered around the site and
hopefully he will be providing some more pictures for AMFAS soon. He can
be contacted by e-mail at same...@hotmail.com
Finally, I'd like to thank Ryot for writing 'Welcome To My Nightmare,
Charlie Brown' and giving me a lot of material to work with. I hope you're
not offended. It's all meant in good fun. :)
'A MSTing for All Seasons'
http://www.nabiki.com/mst
Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/
SEASON ONE
------------------
101- "GAMES" by Artemis (SM Lemon)
102- "ARTEMIS'S LOVER" (Original Draft) by Oscar (SM Lemon)
103- "SAILOR JUPITER VS. GODZILLA" by The Flashman
(SM/GODZILLA CROSSOVER)
104- "JUDGE BRAINITITE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic)
w/short "RANMA 1/2: ACCUSED PT. 1" by Karmin (R1/2 Fanfic)
105- "THE WAR" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic)
106- "TRANSITIONS" by Richard Lawson (Nuku Nuku Fanfic)
107- "HELLRAISERS" (Original Draft) by Aaron Eaton
(La Blue Girl/Overfiend/Original Crossover)
108- "MEN OF BOKKEN" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic)
109- "BISHOUJO SENSHI ROYAL RUMBLE" by Ken Hoinsky
(SM/WWF Crossover)
w/short "THE DINNER PARTY" by Chris Curzon (SM/RL Crossover)
110- "XMAS SPECIAL: SAILOR MOON MEETS FATHER
CHRISTMAS" by Dr. Thinker (SM Christmas Fanfic)
SEASON TWO
-------------------
201- "THAT GIRL" PT. 1-2 by Oscar (SM Lemon)
202- "VIRGIN WARRIOR SAILOR MOON" by Umino (SM Lemon)
203- "*R*P*M*" by Ryot (SM/SPAWN Crossover)
204- "RANKO'S LIFE" PT. 1-2 by Hitomi Ichinohei (R1/2 Fanfic)
205- "TRAPPED" by Mr_Jazz (SM Lemon)
206- "OSCAR TOON" PT. 1-4 by Oscar (SM/DBZ/WB Crossover)
207- "CALIFORNIA DREAMING" by Shakari (Mutiple Crossovers)
208- "A RANMA 1/2 FANFIC" PT. 1-2 by Sheep (R1/2 Fanfic)
209- "TRIANGLE TANGLE" by CATS (SM Lemon)
210- "THE KIDNAPPING" PT. 1-2 by SMendou (UY Lemon)
SEASON THREE
----------------------
301- "A WET DREAM COME TRUE" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Lemon)
302- "TORTURED ECHO" PT. 1-4 by Trakal (R1/2 Fanfic)
303- "RANMA KILLS!" PT. 1-2 by Sir Asayogure (R1/2 Fanfic)
304- "OKONOMIYAKI SUMMER" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Fanfic)
w/short "UNDER THE MISTLETOE" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Fanfic)
305- "XMAS SPECIAL: A CHRISTMAS FIT FOR A POKEMON"
by Dr. Thinker (Pokemon Christmas Fanfic)
306- "9-BALL DREAMS" PT. 1-2 by Mr_Jazz (SM Crossover Lemon)
307- "WINTER" by Joseph Palmer (R1/2 Fanfic)
308- "UKYO GETS WHAT SHE DESERVES" PT. 1-2 by R_Vincent
(R1/2 Lemon)
309- "I WANT TO MEET A PRINCE LIKE DEAR OLD DAD, MOM,
SIS, BRO & FRISKY!" by Katherine (Utena Lemon)
310- "THE IO SAGA" PT. 1-4 by Sarah J. Gates (SM Fanfic)
SEASON FOUR
--------------------
401- "LINES AS Q PART 2" PT. 1-2 by Dave Hines (ST:TNG Fanfic)
402- "RAW IS ORO" by Jedi Master Horace (WWF/Rurouni Kenshin
Crossover)
403- "SABLE TAKES THE GOLD" by Martin4Life (WWF Lemon)
404- "SOMETIMES" by Writer By The Sea (SM/GW Crossover)
405- "WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE, CHARLIE BROWN by Ryot
(Original Fanfic)
SHORTY!
-------------
101- SUBLIMINALLY SEDUCE WOMEN INSTANTLY!
102- THE UGLIEST WOMEN ON THE NET!
103- PHEROMONES!
104- THE INTERNET SPY AND YOU!!
105- THE SECRET FLAW!
OTHER MSTINGS I'VE CONTRIBUTED TO
---------------------------------------------------------
"DIMISIONAL TROUBLE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic)
"MOONDUSTED" by Stephen Ratliff (SM/TNG Crossover)
"THE COUNTESS CHRONICLES" by Lin Lin (SM Dark Lemon)
"9 1/2 CHIPMUNKS" by Toon Dreams (Rescue Rangers Yaoi Lemon)
'MYSTERY WRESTLING THEATER 3000', POST 105: DOUBLE TROUBLE!
(Two interviews with the Ultimate Warrior and '3:16 Rulzs!' by Oracle)
"THE DAY OF EMERGANCE" by Jeffrey Lee
(Ranma 1/2/Eddings/SM Crossover)
*Recent Collaberations*
"REDHEADS" by Robert "Kenko" Haynie
(Slayers/Ranma 1/2 Crossover)
"WILD SILVER" by Francis Bourque
(Sailor Moon/Ranma 1/2 Crossover)
"RELATIONSHIPS" by Sidewinder
(Neon Genesis Evangelion/Sailor Moon Crossover)
"A LITTLE CHANGE OF PLANS" by Wishbringer
(Neon Genesis Evangelion/Ranma 1/2 Crossover)
"HOUSE OF IKARI'" by Teisu
(Neon Genesis Evangelion)
OTHER GREAT WEBPAGES WORTH VISITING
- Zoogz's Fanfiction and Fandom Page
http://www.nav.to/Zoogz
- Gary Kleppe's Comics and Manga Page
http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html
- The Homepage of Jeffrey "Oneshot"Wong
http://www.anime.sobhrach.com\~jeffwong\index.html
- 'SuicideBlast' by: Keener
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/3342/Suicide.html
- Additional links for Keener's stuff
http://tmffa.com/
- Website Number 9 MSTings
http://pinky.wtower.com/mst3k/mistings.shtml
- Lord Carnage's Cursed Fanboys Page!
http://carnage.fanfic.org
- A Sailor Moon Romance
http://www.moonromance.com/
- Zen's Fanfiction Page
http://www.mindspring.com/~databank/fanfics.html
- Webdragon's Lair
http://members.tripod.com/~WebDragon/
- Sean Gaffney's Webpage
http://www.thekeep.org/~sean/index.html
Seanbaby's NES Page
http://www.seanbaby.com/nes.htm
X-Entertainment
http://www.x-entertainment.com/
"><what the hell-?> that was my first thought."
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 2002 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights
reserved.
Keep Circulating the Fanfics....
Axis Dragoon
This has to be one of the best fan-made MST's I've read. Even the between
movie skits are believable.
Have you have a web page of other works?
Axis
Megane 6.7
news:20020215202749...@mb-fe.aol.com...
> Have you have a web page of other works?
>
>
> Axis
Yes, all of my works can be found at 'A MSTing For All Seasons'
http://www.nabiki.com/mst ;)
Sincerely,
Megane 6.7