MiStied: _Space_Cases_ <part 2/3>
TCurryFan
Here's part 2...
Disclaimer at the end.
-------------------------
> <The name of the actors and their characters appear on screen, along
> with pictures of them in character>
>Walter Emanuel Jones as Harlan Band- it's Zack from MMPR.
TOM: Hey- He's from _Mighty_Morphin_Power_Rangers_!
<CROW and MIKE look at TOM accusingly>
TOM: Not that I've ever _watched_ the show...
>Jewel Staite as Catalina- the girl with rainbow-colored hair.
TOM: Oh, she's a real gem...
>Kristian Ayre as Radu- he has long, shaggy hair and spiral ears.
CROW: So, does he wear "Ayre Jordans"?
>Rahi Azizi as Bova- he's got antennae on his forehead.
MIKE: The other person who's name they ripped off.
TOM: Huh?
MIKE: You know, Ben Bova? And "Harlan" is from Harlan Ellison...
TOM: Ah.
>Paige Christina as Rosie- she's pink-skinned and perky!
>
>Anik Matern as Thelma- the android.
CROW: Gee, do ANY of the actors on this show have a normal name?
MIKE: Well, there was Walter Jones....
CROW: Oh, yeah...
>Paul Boretski as Commander Seth Goddard- looks about 25, but has "grey"
> temples
MIKE: Only Nickelodeon would have a show with the adults listed last...
TOM: "Boretski"? Sounds like a mixture of two bad 70's cop shows.
>Cary Lawerence as TJ Davenport- serious-looking woman with a short 'do
CROW: <British accent> Lawrence of Arabia!
> <The show's title appears on screen: "Prisoner of Luff">
>
> <The space Prison- inside Catalina's cell>
>Catalina: Ok. Don't panic. Don't panic;
MIKE: She's quoting _Hitchhiker's_Guide_to_the_Galaxy_!
> there's
got
> to be way out of here. Maybe not... Suzee- we're doomed.
TOM: "Suzee?"
MIKE: Oh, yeah... Suzee's her invisible friend from another dimension...
<CROW and TOM look and MIKE>
MIKE: Not that I've ever watched the show...
>Catalina: <VO> When I first saw this place, it was from the outside.
> <A flashback starts. We dissolve to The Christa's Command Post>
ALL: <do "Wayne's World" flashback noise>
>Radu: What is it, Commander?
TOM: It's the rank right above Lieutenant and below Captain. But that's
not important right now...
>Commander Goddard: Prison satellite. Most likely a life sentence
facility
> this deep in space.
>Ms. Davenport: Commander... I strongly disapprove of our getting this
> close to a prison facility. We could be murdered in our sleep.
MIKE: Hey, anything that ends the experiment, lady...
> Well,
I'm
> not scared, of course. Just think about all those frighteningly
> dangerous criminals.
>Bova: They're locked up. Usually it's the ones that are free you have
to
> worry about.
CROW: Ha, ha... But we kid the murderous psychopaths...
>Catalina: How awful. Imagine living your entire life in a cage like
some
> kind of animal.
MIKE: Sounds like Michael Jackson's idea of a great time!
TOM: Oh, like it's HARD to make fun of Michael Jackson...
>Ms. Davenport: Well, I know I've seen enough. We should thank our lucky
> stars for the mere 7 years of our lives we have to spend on the
> Christa.
>Rosie: <cheerfully> I feel better already.
> <We see annoyed/amused reaction shots from the others... Radu lets
> out a sigh>
TOM: <as Radu> Hehe... Kill her.
>Catalina: I wonder what they did... You know, to be locked up forever.
>Bova: Probably broke the law.
MIKE: Thank you Mr. Obvious.
> <Communicator buzzes>
>Rosie: Commander, they're signalling us
>Ms. Davenport: Oh dear... When we're dead, don't say I didn't warn you.
TOM: Haha... See that's funny, cuz they can't tell her anything then cuz
they'll be dead, and... Hehe... Oh, God...
>Catalina: What do you think they want?
>Commander: Only one way to find out. Rosie, establish communications.
>VO: Greetings, You are now passing out of the satellite Prison Luff
sector.
> Your ship must be scanned for stowaways before you proceed.
MIKE: Oh, no- they're gonna find our stash!
'BOTS: ANY FRUIT TO DECLARE?
MIKE: Huh?
>Commander: You may proceed with scanning <to Miss D> Relax... It's
> standard prison procedure
MIKE: <falsetto> Ok- but if they insist on a strip search, I'm outta
here!
CROW: Actually-
MIKE: Don't...
CROW: Ok.
>Ms. Davenport: You seem to have a rather extensive knowledge of prisons.
>Commander: I'm well read
>Catalina: Commander, I'm getting some sort of energy spike by the power
> junction
MIKE: Would that be Spike Jones, or Spike Lee?
>Commander: Cat, go check it out
> <Catalina goes to check it out. We see a figure hiding. Short
hair,
> no bust to speak of- guy or girl? The person comes out and
surprises
> Catalina>
>Unknown person: Nighty night, rainbow girl.
> <Unknown person pinches Catalina's nose, and she faints>
MIKE: Wow, that guy just gave her the Vulcan nose noogie!
>VO: Clearance processing is now complete. Thank you for your
cooperation.
MIKE: Please drive up to the second window.
>Rosie: Energy readings are back to normal.
>Commander: You heard it, people... We're back in business.
> <We see that the VO talking about "scanning procedures" is the same
> person who knocked out Catalina>
>Unknown person: <on communicator> You may now proceed out of the
satellite
> Prison Luff sector. <to Catalina> And you can go directly to jail.
TOM: Do not pass "Go", do not collect-
MIKE: Tom... It's not as funny if they make the joke on purpose.
TOM: Oh...
>Commander: Now, where's Cat?
TOM: That Darn Cat!
>Harlan: <on communicator> Command post to power junction, come in Cat.
> <to Goddard> She's not responding, Commander.
>Ms. Davenport: This is most unlike her...
TOM: <falsetto> She's usually _very_ responsive...
MIKE: Tom...
> <Meanwhile(?), back at the Prison Luff>
>Catalina: I've got to get out of here, Suzee. Stand back, I'm gonna
> blast my way out.
CROW: Wait, so... Is this still a flash back, or is this happening now?
MIKE: I.. uhh... <MIKE shrugs>
> <Cat lets out a sonic scream. There's a "sonic ripple effect">
MIKE: Whoah! Remind me not to sit next to HER at the football game!
TOM; Whoah- she can do "the wave" all by herself!
> <The scream fails to break the bars (which look like glass tubes),
> but sets off various alarms>
>
MIKE: Oh, good- looks like we get a brake- let's get out of here...
CROW: I'm with ya, Mike...
<They leave the theater>
@ {2} <3> /4/ :5: *6* (door)
<SOL>
<We see MIKE in a version of the shirts worn on _Space_Cases_ over
his blue jumpsuit. He has obviously-fake streaks of grey in his
hair. The thing on top of TOM'S dome is black, and he has one of the
_Space_Cases_ pins stuck to his barrel. CROW'S "net" is back, and he's
wearing a rainbow-colored clown wig. He also has an SC pin on the front
of his body>
TOM: Wow, I LOVE flying a spaceship.
MIKE: <with exaggerated seriousness> SPACE is NOT a game, Mister!
Now SHAPE up, and fly right!
CROW: <falsetto-y voice> Yeah! If you don't behave, I'm gonna break
your eardrums! I'm better than you!
TOM: Are not!
CROW: Are too!
TOM: Not! Not! Not!
CROW: Too! Too! Too!
MIKE: Guys, guys! We have to work together if we want to survive!
<to CROW> Mr. Radu, where are we, anyway?
<CROW dissappears under the desk, reappearing with his Fabio wig and
two pecan rolls stuck on either side of his head>
CROW: <sort-of normal voice> I-I-I-I'm not really s-s-s-ure...
TOM: Who cares what you think, you ugly alien bastard!
CROW: WAAAAAHHHH!!!
MIKE: <slightly out of character> Great! Stuck out here, years away
from home, and I have to get stuck with the rejects from the
self-esteem therapy group!
CROW: WAAAHHH!
TOM: Chill, out Crow, it's just a skit....
CROW: MY GRAPHIC NOVELS!!
MIKE: <shakes head> ANYway... Ah, I know! Thelma!
<Gypsy appears out of nowhere right next to MIKE. She's got gold
foil wrapped around her coil and part of her head>
GYPSY: Yes, Mike?
<MIKE jumps>
MIKE: <out of character> How did you do that? Never mind <back in
character> Thelma... Where are we?
GYPSY: <attempting a British accent> We're headed for the Cloud City on
Bespin. The odds are 1 in 1 billion we'll be attacked on the way...
TOM: <out of character> Bespin? Odds?? Gypsy... What are you
doing?
GYPSY: I'm playing C-3PO.
<MIKE and the 'BOTS all sag>
MIKE: Gypsy, you're not supposed to be C-3P0, the fussy, often-
annoying robot from _Star_Wars_; you're supposed to be Thelma,
the goofy, sometimes-annoying robot from _Space_Cases_.
GYPSY: Ohhh...
TOM: Good going, Gyps... Not like this skit wasn't going to hell in
a hand basket anyway...
CROW: No kidding- I feel like P-p-p-porky P-p-p-ig.
MIKE: Ok, come on, guys, try to get into it! It'll be fun! Please?
<Movie Sign Light flashes>
MIKE: Oh, great! Never mind...
TOM: Saved by the bell!
<Pandemonium! Mike grabs one of the pecan rolls off Crow to take
into the theater.>
CROW: Hey, maybe I should start a rock band! I've got the hair for
it! <pause> Naaahhh...
*6* :5: /4/ <3> {2} @
> <Back on the Christa- a hallway... The shadowy figure comes up
behind
> Thelma and puts something against her back>
>Unknown person: This is a neural scrambler. Don't move, or I'll blow
your
> entire neural net.
MIKE: Do it! Do it!
> Now, take me to your leader. <They don't move> Why
> aren't we going anywhere?
>Thelma: Because, to take you to the command post, I would have to move,
> and you asked me not to.
>Unknown person: Androids...
ALL: Wah-wah-waaaaah...
> <Christa- Command Post>
>Harlan: <on communicator> Command Post to power junction. She's still
not
> responding, Commander.
> <Unknown person comes in, holding Thelma hostage>
>Unknown person: All right, nobody move!
>Thelma: She says that, but I don't think she really means it.
MIKE: <to himself> "She"?
>Commander: Who are you?
>Thelma: I am Thelma, Techno Human-
>Commander: Not you, Thelma.
CROW: Yes, folks, yet another in along line of annoying tv robots!
TOM: At least she's not as bad as Twiki or Alpha 5.
CROW: Which isn't saying much...
>Sofiana: Sofiana Mertz, but you can call me Jack.
CROW: Wait... "Sofiana"? That's a girl?
TOM: Well, she just told us to call her "Jack"- apparently even "she's"
not
too sure...
>Rosie: Hi, Jack!
>Sofiana: Exactly. I'm taking over this ship.
TOM: AH! That whole thing was all just a dumb set-up line for the
"Hijack"
joke??
> And if you don't do
exactly
> as I say, You can forget about seeing your pretty little
> rainbow-headed friend again.
ALL: Who?
>Commander: Catalina...
ALL: Oh.
>Sofiana: Nice name- bad luck... I guess that's what happens when you're
> in the wrong place at the wrong time.
TOM: Yeah... I once knew a guy who was a temp at Deep 13 and...
MIKE: Ok, Tom.
CROW: They were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Naturally, they
became heros.
>Ms. Davenport: I knew it! I warned you about just this sort of thing!
I
> told you it wasn't safe-
>Sofiana: Stuff a sock in it, would you??
ALL: THANK YOU!
CROW: You know, I'm starting to like this guy!
MIKE: It's a girl.
CROW: <short pause> It is?
> Now, as I was
> saying, no one will get hurt as long as you all cooperate.
MIKE: What if only some of them cooperate?
TOM: Then only some of them will get hurt.
MIKE: Makes sense.
>Thelma: But if anyone tries anything, I will get it with the neural
> scrambler.
>Sofiana: That's right.
>Thelma: Surprisingly, it feels exactly like a finger.
MIKE: D'oh!
TOM: Can I start crying yet?
> <reaction shots... Radu moves towards Sofiana sort-of menacingly;
> Goddard looks pissed>
>Commander: Where's Catalina?
CROW: About 20 miles off the shore of LA last time I checked...
>Sofiana: Don't come any closer! <puts her arm up and touches a device on
> her wrist> Ok, so maybe I don't have a neural scrambler. But this
is
> a triggering device for a very powerful explosive I've attached to
> the hull of this ship.
CROW: Like she REALLY expects them to believe her now!
> If you don't
take
> me to the coordinates I specify, I'll be forced to blow us all up.
>Harlan: She's bluffin', Commander.
TOM: I'd go with that feeling, Zack.
MIKE: You mean "Harlan".
TOM: Same difference.
MIKE: True...
CROW: Fanboys.
>Sofiana: Maybe... Maybe not... Who'd like to find out?
TOM: Oh, me, me me!!
>Commander: Now... take it easy.
>Sofiana: That's better... Now prepare to reroute your course!
>
> <Back on the Prison Luff, Catalina's getting acquainted with a
> spaced-out-looking fellow prisoner. I'll call him "Space-Case.">
>Space-Case: Hey! Hey...
>Catalina: Are you talking to me?
CROW: <Rob DeNiro, but falsetto> Are _you_ talkin' to _me_? I don't
see nobody else here!
>Space-Case: <Heheheh> I'm not talkin' to myself.
MIKE: <as Space-Case> _You_, on the other hand...
> You remind me of myself,
> when I first came here...
CROW: You had rainbow hair and breasts?
> I must've tried a _million_
> different ways of bustin' out...
MIKE: <singing> There must be... a million ways to leave your prison...
>Catalina: What happened?
>Space-Case: I'm still here, right?
>Catalina: But someone HAS escaped!
>Space-Case: Don't worry, kid... You'll get used to it. We all do. And
> it's not so bad. Never know... Maybe you can pull it off. If you
> do, take me with you, all right?
CROW: <as Catalina> Shah, right...
> <Warden Opus walk up>
>Warden: It is impossible to escape the Prison Luff.
>Catalina: But that's what I'm trying to tell you; someone HAS escaped.
> The prisoner that put me in here!
TOM: Wait- all we saw was Sofiana putting Cat in some sort of capsule
thingy- how did she actually get in the _cell_?
>Warden: If someone had escaped, the cell would be empty; it is not empty,
> therefore, no one has escaped.
MIKE: Well of, _course_!
TOM: Circular logic will only make you dizzy, Doctor...
> <Catalina points to an empty cell>
>Catalina: Is there a prisoner in that cell?
>Warden: Of course not.
>Catalina: Ah-HA, then someone HAS escaped!
>Warden: No. That prisoner was taken to be mind-wiped. We erased his
> entire memory. We do that to prisoners who won't cooperate; like
> 2-4-6-0-1.
MIKE: Well, THAT makes sense- they won't tell you what you want to know,
so you make them forget _everything_.
> She refuses to tell us where she's hidden a very
important
> document cell. Mind wipe scheduled for 12:00 hours. Hope you'll
join
> us.
>Catalina: Did he say number 2-4-6-0-1? <close up on her collar- it
reads
> "24601"> That's me!
MIKE: <singing grandly> Who am I?
ALL: <same> 2... 4... 6... 0... OOOOOOONE!
<End Part 2>
-------------------------
MST3K and all characters and situations contained therein are the
brainchild of Joel Hodgson, and are the property of Best Brains, Inc.
They are used here without permission for purposes of entertainment only.
Space Cases and all characters and situations contained therein are the
brainchild of Peter David and Billy Mumy, and are owned by Nickelodeon and
Cinar Productions. They are used here without persmission for the
purposes of entertainment only. This post was not intended as a slight on
PAD, Billy Mumy, or any of the fine cast or crew of Space Cases; simply as
a way of letting off steam about an episode that I felt isn't up to SC's
usual high standards.
"You know, aside from the fact that I'll never again experience joy in my life, I don't think _Red_Zone_Cuba_ had *any* kinda negative effect on me..."
-Crow T. Robot, _MST3K_
Catherine Johnson ---------- MiSTie #75,125 ---------- TCur...@aol.com