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MSTed: A Gift for Shannara

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Alison Tobin

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Dec 3, 1996, 3:00:00 AM12/3/96

This is my first real MiSting of a fanfic, so be gentle! Luckily I
chose from a plentiful source of fodder, alt.startrek.creative <g>.
Encouragements, criticisms, suggestions for improvement, etc.
will be gladly accepted and devoured by the author of this
MiSTing. Standard disclaimers and required legalese are included
at the end of this MiSTing.
Hope it's as much fun to read as it was to write!

--- Alison Tobin a...@idsonline.com

<oh yeah-- almost forgot: Watch out for snakes!>
______________________________________________________________________

<SOL. Kiosks are set up to the left and the right,
showcasing all sorts of sci-fi memorabilia: figures, comics, mugs,
t-shirts, etc. MIKE appears from stage left, dressed like Luke
Skywalker from "Star Wars". He waves his lightsaber around and makes
'saber sounds until he notices Cambot>

MIKE: Oh, hi everybody! Welcome to the Satellite of Love. I'm Mike
Nelson, and my 'bots Crow, Tom Servo and Gypsy are somewhere,
adding the last touches to their costumes. We're having our very
own science fiction convention today: SOL-CON '96. There's even a
few tables set up for the purpose of trading and selling rare
sci-fi mementos, like Shatner's wig glue.

MIKE: They must be ready by now. Hey, guys! Hurry up, or you're going
to miss Magic Voice's panel on sentient starships!

<The 'bots bustle in from stage right. CROW holds a sonic
screwdriver, and is mostly hidden beneath a floppy hat and 18-foot
scarf. TOM is wearing a Vorlon encounter suit. GYPSY is last, sporting
a black wig and skimpy combat leathers. She is holding Xena's chakram
in her mouth.)

MIKE: Wow, guys-- great costumes! But Gyps, I thought we decided this
was a *sci-fi* convention...
CROW: Yeah, no fantasy freaks allowed!

MIKE & CROW: YAHHH!!
TOM:<Kosh> If you call Xena dumb, you will die.

MIKE: Pax! Kodo and Podo are calling. <hits button>

<DEEP 13. DR. FORRESTER, dressed as Soren from "Star Trek:
Generations", rummages through a large box of Trek items. PEARL, as
Lwaxana Troi, touches up her makeup while yelling at her son)

PEARL: Clayton! Have you found the Sacred Chalice of Riix yet? And
where are the Seven Holy Rings of Betazed? *How* do you expect
me to be a proper Lwaxana without the right accessories?

FORRESTER: Coming, Mother! <he sees Mike> Ah, Space Balls. I don't
know how you talked Mother and I into joining your little
geek fest...

FORRESTER: What's so funny, boobies?

<SOL>
CROW: Ha-haha! Look who came as Trek characters-- or is that
"caricatures"?
TOM: Ha! Couldn't find a *real* sci-fi icon? Lo-sers!
MIKE: Gee, Dr. F-- we never knew you were *Trekkies*.

<DEEP 13>
PEARL: Clayton, are they... *mocking* us?
FORRESTER: Laugh it up,laser-brains. You'll be screaming for mercy
when you see this next experiment. It's a little piece I
found in alt.startrek.creative, part 1 of "A Gift for
Shannara". Start praying!

ALL: AAAHHH! WE GOT FAN FIC SI-IGN!!!

6...5...4...3...2...1

Repost: A Gift For Shannara (1/2)

CROW: Half a gift for Shannara?

From: lals...@sprynet.com (Christine Wirick )
Reply to: Christine Wirick

CROW: Is she related to one of the Ewoks?
MIKE: No, that's Wicket _Warrick_.
TOM: Fanboy!

Date: Sat, 05 Oct 1996 18:19:02 GMT

TOM: "18, 19, *02*"? Someone forgot to watch Sesame Street.

Organization: Sprynet News Service
Newsgroups:
alt.startrek.creative

Followup to: newsgroup(s)

Paramount is God!

CROW: Oh, *great*. A Star Trek cult. Just what we need.
MIKE: Maybe Ratliff will be High Priest.
CROW & TOM: AHHH!

"Please Give me a Home on the Archive," Shannara

TOM: 'Cause I have nowhere else to go!

"A Gift For Shannara"

MIKE: So this is part of that Terry Brooks series?
CROW: Yeah, like "The Sword of Shannara", "The Druid of Shannara"...
TOM: How about "The Death of Shannara"?
MIKE: We can always hope.

By Christine Wirick

Waking up to a dimly lit room, young Shannara Rozhenko thought
she saw someone in the corner.

CROW: It's only Little Jack Horner, pulling a plum from his--
MIKE: <warningly> Crow....
CROW: -- pie.
TOM: Geez, Mike, chill out!

Could it be the man of her dream? He
was a bad man! A mean man!

TOM: Richard Kiel?
CROW: Torgo?
MIKE: Tor Johnson?

He had tried to take her Mommy away.

CROW: Yep, it's Torgo.
MIKE:<Torgo> BuT MAsTeR, YoU hAvE sO MaNY wIvEs-- cAn'T I hAvE OnE fOr
mYseLf?

"Mommy! Mommy!"
Her doorway swooshed open

and a tall figure appeared. Her heart
began pounding faster until she heard her Daddy say, "Computer,
increase lighting to forty percent." Daddy stumbled passed her toys

MIKE: Mom! Daddy's drunk *AGAIN*!
TOM: Trapped in a bad Star Trek fanfic? Need help to see it through?
Try booze!

and let her
place her tiny hand inside his huge one. Daddy made her feel better.

CROW: Is it me, or is this fanfic going into a weird area?
TOM: It's early yet. And I don't see how this could be worse than
Roxy and her Dad in "Eegah!".
CROW: Don't bet on it.

Daddy didn't like to see her sad. She could sense it.
Still she wanted Mommy. Was Mommy all right?

CROW: Considering that she married *Worf*, I'd say-- no!

Mommy appeared in the doorway, and Shannara smiled brightly at
her. "Did you have a bad dream?"
Sensing Mommy's concern, Shannara nodded. She wanted her Mommy
to come to her, to give her a kiss, and to make it all feel better.

MIKE: Mommy is better than Bactine!

She thought Mommy was going to do just that, but then the baby started
crying. Mommy walked away and the door closed.
Shannara thought maybe if she started crying,

TOM:<sings> Crying... crying over you...

Mommy would come back. Her tears burned her eyes and she let out a
loud wail. Her Daddy squeezed her hand gently, reassuringly.

CROW: But he still managed to break all of her fingers.

"It will be all right, Shannara," he said softly. "It was only a
dream."
"But the bad man wanted to hurt Mommy!"
Daddy ran his hand through her hair. "I understand that you're
scared."

MIKE: <Worf> I would be too if my father looked like me!

He lifted her off the pillow to give her a hug. Shannara placed her
hand behind his big shoulder and patted him. "The bad man was not
real. Daddy is and I will always protect you."
Feeling better, Shannara decided it was time to get some answers.

CROW:<Shannara> Where were you the night of April 14th?

She lifted her head and peered into her Daddy's dark eyes. "Daddy,
why doesn't Mommy have any bumps?"
"You mean the ridges on your forehead?"

TOM: <Worf> Mommy prefers Ruffles brand potato chips, honey.

He ran a hand along her
forehead. "Mommy is not Klingon. She had a Human father and a
Betazed mother. Both of my parents were Klingon."

MIKE:<Worf> Mommy is a freak, sweetheart.

"Oh. Daddy, why did Alex go away? Was he bad?"
"No. Your brother wanted to spend a few months on the Klingon
homeworld. He is old enough now to go off by himself."
The door swooshed open again,

and Mommy appeared with Baby
Eric in her arms, feeding him a bottle

CROW: Shouldn't they be feeding him *milk* instead?
TOM: <announcer> Babies of the future, brought to you by 3M!

Shannara wanted Mommy to pick
her up. She jumped out of her Daddy's hold and rushed to her Mommy,
arms raised. "Mommy!"

MIKE: Sieg Heil, Mommy!

Bending down, Mommy looked into Shannara's eyes. "Sweetheart,
it's getting late. You need to eat your breakfast and get ready for
daycare. Mommy and Daddy have to go to work."
"Can I hold my baby?" the girl asked, still holding her arms up
high.
"No, Eric is too little for you to handle."
Renewing her tears, Shannara protested loudly. "But baby wants
to be held."

TOM:<sings> But I made up my mind, I'm gonna keep my baby!"

She opened and closed her hands out toward her Mommy.
"Shannara," Daddy said sternly. "Do as your mother told you."
She looked to Daddy to see if he was serious. He was. The
annoyance he projected toward her empathic senses frightened her. She
picked up a brown-headed doll from the floor

CROW: Eww! I don't want to know where baby Eric had that doll!

and ran passed Mommy into
the living area. Sitting down at the table, she found that Mommy had
already replicated some oatmeal for her.

TOM: She had also replicated Pons and Fleischmann's experiments.

She ate a little and then
not feeling very hungry began playing with it.
"Shannara, if you're not going to eat it, please get up from the
table," Mommy said. She was busy changing Eric's diaper. "I picked out
your clothes for you." Mommy pointed at a jumper skirt laying on the
chair.

MIKE: Geez, control freak much?
TOM: So, this is the intergalactic version of "Mommy Dearest"?

"I don't want to wear that!" She didn't care what her Mommy had
picked out.

CROW:<Shannara> No, Mom! Not the Care Bear underoos and purple
bell-bottoms!
TOM: Nice to see Deanna still has her unique "fashion sense".

She wanted to stay home today.
"Please, don't argue with me! We don't have much time left! Now
come over here, so I can help you get it on."

CROW: Buck-a-wow!

Grabbing her doll and sticking her thumb in her mouth, Shannara
went to her Mommy. As Mommy unbuttoned her nightshirt, Shannara
began pounding her doll on the endtable. The doll's head cracked open.

TOM: Piggy! NO-O!
<MIKE & CROW look at TOM>
TOM: You know, "Lord of the Flies"? Piggy falls off the cliff,
and... never mind.

"Now look what you've done! Set it down."
"I wanted to make her ridges," Shannara protested as her Mommy
took the toy from her. "Give it back!"
Upset by the yelling, Eric began screaming.

TOM: <baby voice> Gemme outta this fanfic!

"Worf!" Mommy called, "watch the baby while I get Shannara
ready."
Daddy came out and picked up Eric. "I will take him to the
nursery and meet you on the Bridge."

CROW: Hours later, the bridge crew realized a baby was manning
Tactical.
TOM:<Data> Captain, I seem to have located the source of that smell.

He leaned over to kiss Mommy before leaving their quarters.
Shannara smiled as Mommy finished dressing her, her doll all but
forgotten. Now they were alone.

MIKE: <evil> Mu-hu-hahahahahaha!

If only she could get out of going to
daycare. . . .

"But I don't want to go!"

TOM:<Python> I don't want to go-o on the ca-art!

Shannara exclaimed, clinging to her
Mommy as they stepped off the turbolift. The daycare loomed ahead.

"Now you know I have to work. I have patients, who are counting
on me to help them."

CROW: And they'll all be disappointed.

Mommy raised Shannara into her arms and walked
into the daycare.
"Good morning, Counselor," Ensign T'lem greeted them. "And
how are you doing, Shannara?"

MIKE:<Shannara> How do you *think* I'm doing? My family is so
dysfunctional we make the Bundys look like the Cleavers!

"Don't ask," Mommy said as she set the girl down. "Look, I'm
really sorry to drop her off and run. It's been a really hectic
morning, and I was supposed to meet with my first patient five minutes
ago."
"I understand. We can handle her."

CROW:<Shannara> Ooooo-- treats me rough! I *likes* it!
MIKE: Crow!

By 'we' she was referring to her two assistants, Pam and Sheryl,
better known as "the big kids". "Go!" T'lem shooed Mommy off with
the wave of her hand.
Shannara grabbed her Mommy's leg. "Don't go!"
"I'll come back at lunchtime, and we'll have some quality time."
Mommy tapped her on the chin as always to make her smile, but Shannara
didn't feel like smiling.

TOM: Kid, we know how you feel.

Once Mommy had disappeared, Shannara looked around the room.
There were lots of other children. Most of them she knew from
previous visits. She had trouble making friends, though, and didn't
understand why. She sat down at a small round table and began to
color a picture of a nineteenth-century farm yard.

<TOM hums "Green Acres" theme>

"You're supposed to color inside the lines," a boy beside her
said. "My name's Jesse.

CROW: Uncle Jesse?
TOM: Where's Boss Hogg?
MIKE: Quiet, you two! There's already been one crossover.
<ALL shudder>

I can show you how to if you like." Shannara curled
her lip at him before grabbing a purple crayon. "The chickens aren't
supposed to be purple!"

TOM: Ah, those nutty Fauvistes.

"I can color them whatever color I want to." In seconds, she had
purple chickens.
"You're weird."
"I am not!"

ALL: Are too! Are too!

"You are, too.

CROW: Ha! He agrees!

Those chickens come from Earth, not Klingon."
Shannara felt like punching Jesse. "It's called Q'ronos.

TOM: Kronos Quartet?

And you don't know where all chickens come from. I bet there's some
purple ones somewhere."

MIKE: Yeah-- they probably hang out with Worf's pink elephants.

"Geez! I was just trying to help." Jesse put all his crayons
away and went to play with other children.
Suddenly, Shannara no longer felt like coloring and snapped the
purple crayon in half.

CROW: Wishing it was Jesse's spine.

"Hey Shannara," Alicia, a girl about Shannara's age said as she
came running up to her. She slipped her hand into Shannara's. "You
want to play with the dollhouse with me?"

MIKE: <Shannara> Aw, geez, we just did Ibsen yesterday. Can't we
do "Einstein on the Beach" instead?

She had enjoyed playing with the girl before Eric was
born. Alicia acted like Shannara's friend and didn't make fun of how
she did things. After Eric was born, Mommy spent a long time not
going to work and just sitting at home with them.

TOM: And getting drunk on Aldebaran gin!
MIKE:<Troi, drunk> Y'know, dear, the more I drink the better you
look! *Hic*!

Shannara liked not having to go to daycare.
She wanted her Mommy to stay home always.
Still, she thought Alicia was nice and agreed to play with her.
Shannara had never seen a real house, but she liked to pretend that
the dollhouse was her's. She'd only ever known life aboard a starship
and dreamed of one day staying in a house.

CROW: Instead of in the dank, dark pit she called home.

"I will play the Mommy," Alicia said.
"No, I want to play the Mommy!" Shannara said loudly.

MIKE: <baby> Not the Momma! Not the Momma!

"But you always play the Daddy."
"Today I want to play the Mommy."
A Human boy a couple years older than the girls walked up to
them and said,

TOM:<older kid> Hi, I'm Wesley Crusher. Wanna be my friends?
MIKE & CROW:<girls> AAHHHHHHHH!

"Shannara, you're such a whiner. You think you always
have to get your way. It must be all that Klingon blood. No wonder
you're as ugly as your daddy."
With a growl, she pushed him to the floor and punched him several
times in the arm.

Alicia screamed and backed away from them.
"Shannara!" T'lem scolded as she approached them to pull the
children apart.

CROW:Ewwww!
TOM: Hey, look! The daycare is run by Grendel!
MIKE:<reciting poetically> "But the evil one ambushed young and old,
death-shadow dark, lured or lurked in the livelong night..."

"You should know better than to bully the other kids.
Klingons are naturally stronger than Humans. You should be more
careful. Now tell Paul you're sorry."

CROW: <Shannara> I'm really, really sorry you had to work with
Eric Roberts in "Doctor Who: The Enemy Within".
TOM: Aren't we all...

Shannara turned back to look at the boy, who was still on the floor,
rubbing at his arm. He had made fun of her. Daddy always said that it
was honorable to fight your own battles.

MIKE: This from the guy who got his butt kicked by everyone under the
sun. Even that old admiral guy from "The Host"!
TOM & CROW: Fanboy!

"No, I won't!"
"Then you'll have to go stand in the corner and think about what
you've done."

TOM: Yeah, you tell 'em, T'lem!

T'lem pointed at the corner she meant.
Shannara would think about it all right, she decided. She would
think about how to get back at Paul.

CROW:<Shannara> Remember "Three Musketeers", McGann? I've got two
words for you-- big poof!

Anyone who made fun of her--just
because she had bumps!

MIKE: She's a little young for puberty, isn't she?
TOM: Mike, you're gonna give Ratliff ideas.
<MIKE slaps himself>

--deserved what she gave to him. As she stood,
nose to the wall, she imagined what she could do to Paul, and she smiled.

CROW:<Shannara> Compound fractures... severed limbs... broken
kneecaps...

Several minutes passed, and T'lem called the other children for
story time. The big kids took this opportunity to sit down at the
coloring table and read story padds of their own.

TOM:<kid> Whatcha readin'?
CROW:<kid> The script.
TOM:<kid> There's only one page?
CROW:<kid> No plot, see?

"If you are ready to apologize to Paul, Shannara," the ensign said,
"you can join us."
"Never!"

MIKE: <Luke Skywalker> I'll never join you!

"All right. It's your choice."
Shannara made a pouty face.

CROW: Hey! That's dirty!
TOM: *Pouty* face, Crow, not potty face!
CROW: Oh.

She so enjoyed story time. She
almost decided to tell Paul she was sorry, but then remembered the stories
her Daddy often shared with her. A true warrior never gives up in battle,
Daddy always said. She was not about to disappoint her Daddy.
She listened quietly to the story, missing a word here or there, but
understanding most of it. She glanced at the group a few times and
wondered if any of them cared about her. Maybe Alicia did.

CROW:<Alicia> Whatcha thinkin' 'bout, Shannara?
TOM:<Shannara> Oh, I'm thinking about Tony... where he is... what
he's doing... if he's thinking about me...

The rest probably only thought of her as the half-breed. No, that
wasn't quite right. How did Daddy explain it to her? She wished she
knew a word for what she was.

MIKE: Spoiled brat? Hellspawn? Problem child?

Only "monster" came to mind.

MIKE: That was my next choice.

I don't think anybody wants me here, she thought, fighting
unwarrior-like tears. I could just leave and they wouldn't notice.

TOM:<evil> Yeah-- that's it, little girl. Go to the air lock...
CROW:<evil> No, Shannara-- the warp core! Go!

I could
go join Mommy!

ALL: Awwww! So close...

Shannara glanced back at the group one final time
before darting out the door. Mommy won't mind. It'll be just us girls.

TOM:<sings> Girls just wanna have fun....

She winded around the corridor a few times before realizing she
didn't know where her Mommy was. She remembered that Mommy and
Daddy asked the computer questions all the time, so she walked up to a
commpanel.
"Computer, where's my Mommy?"

CROW: <computer> I see no Mommy here.
TOM: <computer> That's not something you need to refer to during
the course of this game.

"Unable to comply. Please restate request."
Shannara was not sure what the word 'comply' meant. She
brought her hands to her hips in frustration and kicked the wall.

MIKE:<Shannara> Stupid Betazoid genes! I should be a size 4--- but no!
I had to inherit Mom's thunder thighs!

She ran away from the panel, trying to remember which direction
would lead her back to the daycare. She rounded a corner and charged
into a tall figure.
"Slow down, young lady," the officer said as he bent down to her
eye level. "You're the Rozhenko girl, aren't you?" She nodded leerily.

CROW: Bucka-chicka-wow!

"Where are you off to in such a hurry?"
Shannara studied the man, wondering if it was okay to talk to him.
Daddy always told her not to talk to strangers. "Who are you?" she asked.

CROW: AHHH! She's a Vorlon Inquisitor!
MIKE: Calm down, Crow.

"I'm a friend of your Mommy's. She's a really great counselor.

TOM:<shrink> "Great counselor"? Obviously an incurable case...
CROW:<shrink> I recommend repeated electro-shock therapy.

She helped me with a problem, and I'd like to show my thanks to her.
Maybe you can help me."
Shannara smiled, feeling more at ease. "You want to give my
Mommy a gift?"
"Why, yes. I was wondering what your Mommy's favorite food
is?"

MIKE:<Shannara> Valiums! Oh-- that isn't a food...

"That's easy. Chocolate!"

MIKE:<Shannara> Chocolate-covered Valiums!

"Really. I bet you like chocolate, too."
"Yeah. Sometimes Mommy shares with me."
"Now don't you have a real nice Mommy?" He patted her on the
shoulder. "Thanks, sweetheart." The man stood. "I know just what I'm
going to do for your Mommy."
As he walked away and out of sight, Shannara suddenly
remembered that she was still lost. Why hadn't she asked him to help her
find Mommy? She began walking in the same direction the man had
gone, growing more and more scared. Why was this corridor so empty?

TOM: Face it, kid-- everyone hates you.

She wondered. She plopped

CROW: Ewww! No wonder no one wants to be around her! Stink-y!

to the floor and leaning against the wall,
cried freely.
A turbolift door only yards away opened a couple of minutes later,
and a pale man stepped out.

MIKE:<poetically> And since I would not stop for Death, he kindly stopped
for me...
CROW: I wish it was Dream or Despair instead.
TOM: Or even Destruction.
MIKE: At least we know the writer was visited by one of the Endless--
Delirium!

Shannara looked up at him, blinking several
times to clear away the tears.
"You're the android, aren't you?" she asked, suddenly feeling less
frightened.

TOM:<Shannara> Do you work at the restaurant at the end of the
universe?
CROW:<Marvin the Android> I'm so depressed...

"That is correct," Data replied.
Shannara stood and wiped at her face. "Mommy told me you are
her friend. Can you help me find my Mommy?"
"Certainly. Come with me." Data held his hand out for Shannara,
and she accepted it.

CROW: <little kid> Cool! My very own Thing!
TOM: Hey, now her mom won't need a *hand* around the house!

Shannara accompanied the android officer down the corridor.
They past the daycare and to Shannara's delight, he didn't make her return
there.
"Can you run at warp speed?" Shannara asked.
"No, Data replied with a chuckle. "While I can run considerably
faster than any Human--or Klingon--warp speed can only be reached by
starships."

MIKE:<Data> Or by that weird Six girl's tongue.
TOM: Ha! Mike's a femme! He watches *Blossom*!
<CROW & TOM make ribbing noises>
MIKE: Cut it out, you guys.

"Oh. Will you come to my birthday party? I'm going to be four
soon." She held up four fingers. "Mommy told me I could invite anyone I
wanted."

MIKE: But I have no friends, so I'll invite you.

"I would be delighted."
"Do you think someone with bumps is ugly?"
Data halted and stared confusedly at Shannara. She grew a bit
scared and fought against a fresh batch of tears.

CROW: Aw, you gonna cry, baby? Onetwothree cry!

"I don't want to be Klingon anymore!" she exclaimed. "I want to
be like Mommy."
"You are referring to the ridges on your forehead?" Data knelt
to her level. "Shannara, you are a very pretty little girl. You
should not feel ashamed of who you are. Your father is proud to be
Klingon,

TOM: God knows why, but he is...

and I am sure he wishes for you to share his pride. Have others been
teasing you?"
Grasping the android's arms, Shannara

CROW:-- applied her mutant strength, and ripped them off, leaving
only bloody stumps behind!
MIKE: Sorry, Crow. Data's an android. He doesn't bleed.

replied, "This boy at the
nursery likes to make fun of me because of my Klingon blood. I wish I
were only Human like him."

MIKE: Well, according to the Fox T.V movie, he's only *half* human.

"He is not better than you because he is only Human. He teases
you because he feels insecure--he has problems he cannot deal with."

TOM: <sarcastic> Thank you Sigmund Freud.

"You mean, I'm better?"
"Perhaps you should speak with your parents about this." Data
stood, and they resumed their walk. A short turbolift ride later, they
reached Mommy's office.
Fortunately, Mommy was not with a patient and Shannara rushed
in to greet her.

"Shannara!" Mommy exclaimed as the girl jumped into her lap.
"What are you doing out of daycare?" She looked toward Data for the
answer.
"I found her out in the corridor, crying. I believe she was being
teased by one of the other children."
"He made fun of me, so I pushed him!"

TOM:<Shannara> Out of the airlock and into deep space, where his
innards froze and burst. Was that wrong?

"I will leave you two alone to discuss this matter." Data turned
and stepped out of the room.
"Shannara, that boy was wrong to tease you, but you should not
have pushed him."
"Why?"
"Because bullying someone back doesn't solve anything."

CROW:<Yakko Warner> Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn. Tell us the
lesson that we must learn.

"But Daddy says it's honorable to fight your own battles."

MIKE: And knowing is half the battle!
TOM & CROW:<shouting> G-I-JOE!

"I think I need to have a talk with your Daddy." Mommy lifted
Shannara onto her desk. "Does T'lem know you left daycare?" Shannara
shrugged. "Then I will have to speak with her." Mommy sighed.

TOM:<Troi> *I* wanted a cat, but, oh no! Would he listen? grumble
grumble...

"It's

MIKE:<Python> It's...!

a little early for lunch, and I still have one more patient to
see. So what am I supposed to do with you?"
"Stuff me in a replicator?"

CROW: <Troi> God, no! Then there would be *more* of you!
MIKE: <Troi> I was thinking more along the lines of the warp core...

"Sunshine, you're silly," Mommy said as she tickled Shannara.
The girl squealed with delight. She knew her Mommy was in a
playful mood when she called Shannara by the English equivalent of her
name.

"Why don't I ask my patient if it is all right to reschedule for later
this afternoon, and you and I can go to Ten-Forward and enjoy a couple
hot chocolates together?"
"Yay!" Shannara clapped her hands enthusiastically.
"All right, then. Wait for me in the outer room, while I speak with
Lieutenant Elmer over the communicator."

TOM:<Troi> He said he wanted help with a *sticky* situation! Ha! Get
it? Sticky... Elmer's glue...
MIKE & CROW:<weakly> Ha..haa.

After Mommy helped her off the desk, Shannara ran into the other
room and sat down on the sofa. She kicked her legs back and forth in the
air, too excited to wait out the long moment quiet and still.
Finally, Mommy stepped out of her office and Shannara rushed
over to take her hand. "He agreed to see me later," Mommy said.

MIKE: <Troi> He said we'll be hunting bunny-wabbits.

"So it looks like I'm free through lunch."
Although she liked Ten-Forward and the taste of hot chocolate, she
was mostly happy about spending some time with Mommy.

TOM:<sings> Hey, big spender! Spend a little time with me...
CROW: Troi's not exactly a big spender... although, frankly, Shannara
should be happy for every scrap of attention she gets out
of that b---mmph!
<MIKE muffles CROW>
MIKE: Promise to behave?
<CROW nods. MIKE lets him go>

After getting their drinks, Shannara's with extra marshmallows, they
sat down at a table in the center of the room. Her chocolate was too
hot, so Shannara

CROW: --- brat that she was, tossed it on the nearest waiter.

looked around at all the people in the room. Some were in uniforms,
while others wore off-duty clothes.

TOM: Some were even nude!
<CROW & MIKE start humming theme to "The Love Boat">

There were no other children in the lounge.
"Mommy, where's all the other kids?"
Gulping at her cocoa before setting it down, Mommy took a
moment to reply.

MIKE: <muttering> Don't let her suspect... stay away from
the kitchens...

"They're probably in daycare."
"Oh yeah. . .too bad for them."
"Listen you," Mommy said with a big smile, "Are you going to
drink your cocoa, so we can have the time to play a game on the
holodeck?"
"A game!" Shannara jumped up from her chair. "I'm ready now,
Mommy."

CROW:<Shannara> Are we going to play Hide'n'Seek again? Last time I
won-- I hid in the closet for 6 hours and no-one found me or
anything!

Looking at the girl's untouched cocoa, Mommy picked it up and
drank most of it. "One thing you need to learn, Sunshine, is to never
let chocolate go to waste."

TOM:<Shannara> Speaking of chocolate going to waist, don't you think
you should cut down a bit, tub--- uh, Mom?

A game turned into three until Mommy finally insisted that they
let the holographic hide-and-seek playmates go. "If we don't stop
now, Shannara," Mommy said, "We'll have no time for lunch."
"Okay," Shannara agreed reluctantly. "Goodbye Peter. Goodbye
Tom."

<TOM gets up as if to leave the theatre>
MIKE: Hey! Where do you think you're going?
TOM: But she said--
MIKE: Forget it, mister. You're here for the duration.
<MIKE puts TOM back in his seat>
CROW: Nice try, Servo.

She waved at her 3-D imaginary friends. "Goodbye Mary. . ."
"Okay, okay. Goodbye all.

We can't spend all day saying goodbye to each and everyone of them."
Mommy took Shannara's hand and called up the exit door.

<ALL sit down>
TOM:<Pooh> Hallooo, door!

"Computer, save program Shannara One." Looking down at Shannara,
Mommy told her, "I think we'll use this program again."
Shannara smiled broadly. "Thank you, Mommy. I had lots of
fun!"

"Mommy has to return to work now, Shannara," Mommy said as she
gathered up their lunch dishes, "and I'm sorry, but that means you
will have to return to daycare."

MIKE:<Simpsons kid> Ha ha!

"Ah, can't we play just one more game?"
"You are going to have to get used to daycare again--and we
cannot make these morning games the norm. Do you understand that,
young lady?"

TOM:<Troi> There will be no fun in *this* household, little missy!

Shannara stared into her Mommy's brown eyes and decided it
would not be wise to argue with Mommy.

CROW: She had that homicidal gleam in her eyes again.

"O-okay. But I'm still not
going to let Paul get away with teasing me!"
"I'll have a talk with Ensign T'lem about Paul. Meanwhile, you
try to ignore him as best as possible."
Shannara sighed, blowing through closed lips to make a noise of
disgust.

TOM: Don't forget plenty of tongue action!

She nodded, though, to make her Mommy happy. She wanted
her Daddy to be proud of how honorable she was, but most of all, she
wanted to please Mommy.

CROW: <old weird guy> Am I pleasing? Do I please you?
TOM: Thank God that's over. I feel like retching.
MIKE: Suddenly I'm glad I might never escape and have a family of my
own.

1...2...3...4...5...6

<SOL. MIKE, CROW, and TOM are examining the aftermath of their sci-fi
convention. Against a background of empty boxes and stacked comics,
various action figures have been posed.>

CROW: Mike, I don't understand. What was the *point* of that fanfic?
We meet Troi and Worf's bratty daughter, then we're forced to sit
through a day of her life. It's like "Family Ties" gone horribly
wrong!
TOM: And at the beginning, the author seemed to be trying to build a
sense of suspense, but it resulted in *nothing*! Just an endless
examination of Shannara's inability to assert her independence
from Mommy!
MIKE: That's true, Tom, but Shannara was, what-- three, four? I
think the author simply tried too hard to present us with the
perfect "Trek" family, and saturated it with too much cuteness.

MIKE: Uhm, guys?
CROW: Aw, c'mon, Mike. Don't tell us you've never thought of it
before.
TOM: Ha ha! Two of Sci-fi's most annoying characters pitted against
one another for our amusement.<to Adric figure> Let's see you
block-tranfer compute your way out of *this* one, math-boy!
CROW:<to Wesley figure> You're goin' *down*, you adolescent weenie!

GYPSY:<still dressed as Xena> Oh, guys! Has anyone seen my limited
edition Xena collectible action figure?

MIKE: Uhhh, it's over here, Gyps. But I think Xena's a
little..er..busy at the moment.

GYPSY: What do you--- Oh my God! <she goggles for a moment> He-- it--
his hand is---<she turns to CROW and TOM>
You DIE Now!
TOM & CROW: YAAAHHHHH!

MIKE: What do you think, sirs?

FORRESTER: Now I see why you tried to kill him. Don't you worry,
Soren. She'll come back to you. Women like
her prefer a man of intellect and flair to a-- a
hormone-driven space playboy!

PEARL: Xena doesn't *need* a man! She's too busy kicking male hinders--
just like *I'll* be doing!
<She grimaces madly into the camera. As FORRESTER picks himself off
the floor, she aims a kick at his rear.>
Push the button, Clayton!
\ /
<as he pushes the button, there is a pained "oof"!> - * -
/ \

MST3K and its characters are the property of Best Brains...and the
actors, of course, are the properties of themselves. Star Trek and
its characters are the property of Paramount. Everything else is the
product of my own warped imagination. No insult is intended to the
author of this fanfic, only good-natured fun.
Comments, gripes, etc. are very welcome and can be sent to me at:
a...@idsonline.com

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