MiST on the Ghost Planet: "A Darkwing Christmas Carol" (2/2)

[Jen White6]

> "Anything you can tell me you can tell her." Launchpad said

Zorak: He'll probably need her to explain it to him.

> even though
> he was expecting the worst.
> "Well, Darkwing has had another series of seizures, it isn't looking
> good. But he is still hanging on."

Tansit: The nurses have to beat him off with a stick 'cause he keeps
seizing them and hanging on.

> Both Gosalyn and Launchpad let out a sigh of relief. "Can we see him?"
> Gosalyn asked softly.

Brak: You can see the one that's in the bed. The one that's hanging
around with all these ghosts is invisible, so you can't see *him*.

> "Yes, but only for a minute." the doctor said thinking of his own
> children. He gestured towards the door and they left.

Tansit: [doctor] My dang kids are always following me to work. Now I know
how Darkwing Duck feels.

> Darkwing watched as Gosalyn allowed Launchpad to steer her out the door.

Tansit: And crashed her into the doorframe.

> He gulped and turned to the spirit. "What did he mean that I was hanging
> on?"

Brak: Maybe he means you're in traction, but they ran outta ropes, so ya
gotta hold onto the bars yourself.

> "The scene you have witnessed was happening for real.

Tansit: Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

> It wasn't a vision
> but simply to make you recognize the foolishness of your pride. You aren't
> invincible Drake,

Tansit: [spirit] You're Darkwing Duck. Invincible Drake protects
Mouseton.

> your failure to realize that may cost your daughter her
> father. Your body is in a stand-still until such time that your fate has
> been decided."

Tansit: So, they're fermenting him in a still?
Zorak: Duck liquor...
Brak: Guess that's where all the "spirits" are coming from.

> "My fate? When? Tell me when spirit!" Darkwing cried.
> The spirit began rising up towards a light that had emerged from the
> ceiling. "You have seen two of three, One more spirit will come to thee."

Zorak: [Drake] I ask for explanations, and I get poetry. Great, I've
died and been condemned to a musical.

> With those final words filling Darkwings head she vanished.
> Darkwing looked around the empty chapel and noticed a black haze sweeping
> it's way into the room.

Brak: I thought hospitals were no smoking areas!

> He tried to back away but was soon engulfed in
> the dark fog. "I can't see!" Darkwing said with alarm. He waved his arm
> through the air in an effort to make the fog dissipate.

Zorak: Stepping out the chapel door never occurred to him.

> Backing up he
> bumped into, what felt like a very large figure.

Brak: Looks like that poor comma got lost. Can someone lead it back to
where it oughtta be?

> The fog began to
> surround the two and Darkwing gasped.

Zorak: [Darkwing] I have asthma! Get me out of here!

> He was wearing a black cloak that concealed even his face.

Tansit: Uh-uh. Darkwing wears a *mask* over his face, not his cloak. And
it's a cape.
Zorak: Fanboy.

> Two glowing
> red eyes stared out of the cloak. "Are you the spirit of Christmas's yet
> to come?" Darkwing gulped.

Zorak: He's absolutely right! Let's tell him what he won!
Tansit: He's won a can of Diddly Squat, the Ghost Planet treat!

> The figure nodded and made a gesture with his hand.

Zorak: [spirit] Up yours!

> The fog faded and
> Darkwing found himself standing in front of his house. "Look in the
> window!" He looked at the spirit.

Brak: [Darkwing] Uh, we already did this part, buddy.

> It had spoken not a word yet Darkwing
> could hear him clearly in his head. Timidly he walked to the window.

Tansit: [Darkwing, grumbling] Yeah, might as well. Got nothing better to
do in this story than let a flock of ghosts depress the heck outta me.

> Inside was a tree filled with decorations and underneath many presents
> sat covered in bows. A little girl with long red hair sat playing idly
> with her doll while her brother darted around the room with his new plane.

Brak: [surprised] Hey! Something *happy*! I like this story again.

> Darkwing searched the room with his eyes and gasped. Sitting on the couch
> holding an new born gosling was a slender woman also with long red hair.

Tansit: Boy, Launchpad didn't waste any time getting together with Feathers
Galore, did he?

> It was pulled into a pony tail away from her face to reveal a set of
> sparkling green eyes. She laughed at the young boy darting around the
> room. "Gosalyn?" he croaked.

Brak: I guess the young boy has a throat cold.

> Suddenly a man entered and sat down beside her.

Tansit: [Gosalyn] Ahhhh! A hideous beakless mutant!

> He placed his arm about
> her shoulders and she nestled into him .

Brak: Nearly napping.

> Darkwing suddenly noticed a

Brak: Tapping, tapping on the windowsill.

> sadness in her eyes.

Brak: Awwww, it's gonna get sad *again*? C'mon, what's wrong with having
*happy* stuff on Christmas??
Zorak: Welcome to reality, Brakums. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

> He wasn't sure what it was or even of how he saw it,

Zorak: Here's a hint: it may have had something to do with his eyeballs.

> but he knew it was there. He watched as the girl and boy ran up the
> stairs. Then the man adjusted his glasses, took the baby from Gosalyn and
> carried it up the steps.

Zorak: And then they barred the windows, triple-bolted the doors, and put
up a giant styranotanium shield around the entire house to keep anything ELSE
from getting at them on Christmas.

> Gosalyn sat staring into the fire for a few moments before she stood up
> and walked over to a shelf. She reached up and took down a picture of
> Darkwing as a single tear slid down her cheek. "Oh dad! I miss you so!"
> she said sadly.

Brak: AAAAAAAAAAA! C'mon! Stop talkin' about dead people!
Zorak: Easy there, Brakums. It's nearly over. There's still time for a
happy ending.
Brak: [sniffling] I hope so.

> Then without another word she replaced the picture

Tansit: With a velvet Elvis.

> and
> left the room.

Tansit: Ladies and gentlemen, Gosalyn has just left the room!

> "What does she mean, she misses me? What happens to me in the future?"
> Darkwing asked, turning to the spirit.

Zorak: You're DEAD in the future, you moron! You're compost! You're
taking a big dirt nap! You have shucked off your mortal coil and joined the
Choir Invisible! You are an *ex-duck*!!

> When the spirit didn't reply he
> asked, "I am going to make it through the last visit at the hospital,
> aren't I?" Darkwings heart sank as the spirit slowly shook it's head.

Zorak: They just wanted to show you what a screw-up you were when you were
when you were alive. Now guess where you're gonna go from here? BWA-HA-HA-
HA!

> "No spirit, please!" Darkwing begged.

Tansit: [Darkwing] I'm a teetotaler.

> The spirit ignored Darkwings pleas and waved his hand, once again
> reducing the world to black. When it came into focus Darkwing was
> startled at what he saw.

Brak: Something not depressing?

> Hundreds of tombstones loomed about him.

Brak: Aw, SHEESH! C'mon!!

> It was bitterly cold and the
> trees of the cemetery swayed with the breeze of the approaching storm.

All: It was a dark and stormy night!

> A
> chill ran down Darkwings spine. "Why did you bring me here!" he demanded.

Tansit: You didn't read much Dickens when you were a kid, did you, DW?

> The spirits eyes burned fiery red as it approached one of the headstones.

Brak: [spirit] Ow! Ow! I gotta get new contacts!

> Darkwing followed and let out a cry. In the light of the full moon he
> could barely make out the name on the tombstone. "RIP Drake Mallard"

Zorak: Don't mind if I do! I'll bet he tastes just like chicken!

> "No!" Darkwing stumbled back and ran into the spirit. It reached out a
> cold bony hand and clutched Darkwings shoulder. He spun around.

Tansit: And ended up in Darkwing Tower.

> "No this
> can't happen! I have a city to protect, I have a daughter to raise!"
> Darkwing shouted in a panic. "I have a life to live!"

Brak: Not any more.

> The spirit towered over Darkwing and floated closer to him. Darkwing
> backed up and said, "Please spirit! I'll be so much more careful! I won't
> let my pride and reputation get in my way again! I'll be a good father to
> Gosalyn too! I won't lose my temper any more!" Darkwings voice began to
> shake. "PLEASE give me another chance!"

Brak: Please give this story a happy ending before everyone in the whole
world gets so sad they cancel Christmas forever!

> Suddenly the wind picked up and the spirits hood blew off. A shining
> white skull was revealed underneath.

Tansit: [Jack Skellington] What's this? What's this?

> Darkwing gasped and stepped back,
> realizing a moment to late what was behind him.

Brak: [Darkwing] Oh no! I stepped in something, didn't I?

> He felt himself plummet
> down into the ground as dirt fell on top of him. The spirit stood above
> him, once again wearing his hood. His red eyes glowed and Darkwing could
> hear it's laughter. He screamed, and everything went dark.

Zorak: The end.
Brak: Uh-uh! That can't be! This is supposed to be a happy story, isn't
it?! It's about Christmas!
Zorak: Oh, give it up, Brak.

> "BEEP....BEEP.....BEEP" Darkwing was surrounded by darkness but a clear
> steady beep seemed to be calling him out.

Zorak: [beep] Hey, duck, come on out and fight like a man! Or are you
chicken?!

> Suddenly the darkness turned to
> a white color as Darkwing felt himself opening his eyes.

Tansit: I picture Darkwing peeling his eyelids open with his fingers.

> He attempted to
> move and groaned in pain. "Where am I?" he wondered. Once again becoming
> aware of the beeping noise he turned his head to the right. There he saw
> what appeared to be a heart monitor, an iv, and several other odd
> machines.

Tansit: Including the one that goes PING!

> "I'm in a hospital," he thought. "But what...."All at once it all came
> flooding back to him, the spirits, his past, his death, and he remembered
> something else. "Gosalyn!" he thought.

Brak: NO! Don't go looking at her! She's gonna go on some more about
how you're dead and she's all alone and you never understood about her and-
Zorak: BRAK!
Brak: What?
Zorak: Calm down! The story's nearly over.
Brak: Promise?
Zorak: Yes.
Brak: Okay.

> Suddenly he became aware of something small clasped in his hand. Bracing
> his body against the pain he turned his head. Darkwing suddenly felt warm
> inside and a smile spread across his face.

Tansit: [Darkwing] I'm in heaven, and I have the TV remote. What more
could I want?

> Gosalyn was laying with her head resting, beside Darkwing, on the bed.
> Her hand was intertwined with his. "She looks so innocent," Darkwing
> thought.

Tansit: Talk about camouflage.

> Mustering all his strength he moved his hand to stroke her hair
> while his other remind tightly clasped in her hand. Gosalyn stirred and
> opened her eyes.

Zorak: [Dr. Frankenstein] It's alive! It's ALIVE!

> "Dad!" recognition lit up her face and she climbed onto the bed to
> embrace him. "Your ok!

Brak: My OK, Your OK. I read that book once.

> The doctors said..." she couldn't finish.

Zorak: The doctors said she couldn't finish, but she did!

> Darkwing
> felt hot tears soaking through his hospital gown and on to his chest.

Tansit: Was Moltar visiting too?

> "Shh...it's ok honey." he said in a horse voice as he did his best to
> hold her quivering body. "Everything's going to be alright now."

Zorak: Famous last words! BWA-HA-HA-HA!

> "I love you dad!" came Gosalyns muffled reply. It was rare for her to
> admit her feelings to his face. She seemed to have a fear of seeming weak
> in his eyes.

Zorak: After that thing with the cleats, I don't think she *ever* has to
worry about that again.

> Darkwing pulled her tighter against him and said in a weak voice, "I love
> you too, kiddo." Looking up he felt a tear slide down his own face.
> Silently he said to god, "Thank you!"

Brak: Is it over now?
Zorak: Yep.
Tansit: Whew.

[The words scroll off the screen. Brak wipes his eyes.]

Tansit: [to Brak] Oh, come on. It was just a story!
Brak: Yeah, but why's it gotta be so mean on Christmas? First Darkwing
yells at his kid and then gets in an accident! Then his Dad gets shot, and
his Mom dies a little later! Then Gosalyn's Mom and Dad get killed on
Christmas by some crook who's too stupid to rob an empty house! Then he's
dead in the future and Gosalyn's still going on and on about it!
Zorak: [to Brak] You big baby.
Lokar: [from the doorway] Ah, where is the unflappable Brak, he who is so
unrepentantly upbeat that nothing can disturb him?
[Brak sniffles, his eyes full of tears, presenting a truly pitiful picture.]
Tansit: You leave him alone! You... bully!
[Space Ghost invisos in behind Lokar. Lokar does not notice.]
Lokar: Oh, give him a lolly and send him off to bed.
Ghost: AHEM.
[Lokar startles, amusing Tansit and Zorak. Brak just keeps sniffling.]
Ghost: What have you four been up to? Have you been tying tin cans to the
back of Brak's belt again?
Zorak: Not this time.
Brak: [sniffling] It's just a sad story, that's all. A sad *Christmas*
story.
Ghost: This is getting out of hand. Don't you people have anything to do
besides read these silly stories from the Infranet?!
Tansit: [under his breath] It's not like I have any *lines* to memorize.
Ghost: What was that?
Tansit: Nothing! I didn't say anything!
Zorak: [to Tansit] Wuss. [to Space Ghost] Well, if you're gonna blast
us, get on with it already. Don't bore us to death. C'mon, gimme your best
shot!
Ghost: Bore you to death... hmm. Thanks for the idea.
Lokar: *What* idea?
Ghost: You'll find out soon enough. *All* of you will.
[Space Ghost invisos out, chuckling. The four villains look at each other.]
Tansit: He's just gonna find a bad story for us to read, right?
Zorak: [sounding unsure of himself] Yeah. What else *can* he do?
Lokar: [softly, to himself] Oh, cr-r-r-r-rap.
[The camera pans past four worried-looking villains to the staticky monitor
screen.]

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This MiSTing is copyright (c) by the author, JenW...@aol.com. "A Darkwing
Christmas Carol" is copyright (c) by Amanda Ratliff. The original story "A
Christmas Carol" is, of course, by Charles Dickens. Darkwing Duck/Drake
Mallard, Gosalyn, and Launchpad are (c) Disney. Moltar, Zorak, Tansit, Lokar,
and Brak are copyright (c) Hanna-Barbera. This MiSTing was done in the name
of fun, and no malice is intended to anyone.

Thanks to flo...@bgnet.bgsu.edu, si...@thedoghousemail.com,
Mat...@ix.netcom.com, pai...@aol.com, and kgo...@efn.org for proofing this
and saving me from a truly horrible Thinker-ism. Special thanks to Amanda
Ratliff for having the sense of humor to let me MiST her story!

> Gosalyn sat staring into the fire for a few moments before she stood up
> and walked over to a shelf. She reached up and took down a picture of
> Darkwing as a single tear slid down her cheek. "Oh dad! I miss you so!"
> she said sadly.

so sez Jen "Call me MiSTer!" White.