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<MiSTing> MMPR:TM- The Script [1/11]

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TCurryFan

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Aug 13, 1997, 3:00:00 AM8/13/97

<@ 2 3 4 5 6>

<SOL- Bridge>

MIKE: Hi, everybody, welcome to the Satellite of Love. I'm just
finishing up a commuted death-sentence here. I wonder where
Tom and Crow are?

MIKE: Uh-oh... I wonder what THAT could be...?

GYPSY: Uh, Mike? Ummm... nice weather we're having, huh?

MIKE: Well, yeah, I guess it is... Hey, have you seen Crow or
Tom anywhere?

GYPSY: Yeah, it hasn't rained here in about 500 years or
anything. Yep. Nice weather....

MIKE: Gypsy... What's going on?

<The rustling is now a rumbling>

GYPSY: Huh? Oh, I... uhhhh....

MIKE: Gypsyyyyyy....

GYPSY: TOM AND CROW ARE BUILDING A RAINMAKER!

MIKE: What? Why?

CROW: Hi, Mike! Nice weather we're having, huh?

MIKE: Well, I'm not really dressed for it, actually...

TOM: Oh, don't be a worry wart, Mike-a-rino! We just had to get
some rain for our petunia farm downstairs, and seeing as how
the ship doesn't have any weather patterns of its own and
all... well... we just thought we'd make our own!

CROW: Yeah. And don't worry about getting electrocuted, what
with all this *dangerous and sensitive electronic equipment
all around*. Our rain slickers are 100% insulating!

MIKE: Oh, well, that's great, but what about me?

GYPSY: Uhhh....

CROW: Well what about you?

TOM: Yeah, what are *you* worried about? You don't have metal
parts that are just dying to soak up an electrical charge!

MIKE: Oh, thanks, Gyps...

MIKE: We'll be right back...

MIKE: <coff> That was really dumb you guys! Sheesh!

TOM: Yeah, but our petunias look GREAT!

CROW: Ow! Hey, watch it...

PEARL: Well you think YOU got problem? Me and dumb and dumber
here are stuck in traffic!

<SOL>

MIKE: Traffic? You're in outer space! There's an infinite
amount of room for everybody out there!

PEARL: You'd like to THINK that, wouldn't you? Well,
nonetheless, we're stuck...

BOBO: There was a horrible accident in the Delta Quadrant...
Looks like we may be here a while!

PEARL: I *knew* we should have gone through Beta Quadrant... but
NOOOOO! Brain Guy here has to get a cappuccino over at
Barnard's Starbucks!

BRAIN GUY: Like *I* knew it was two-for-one day!

<SOL>

MIKE: Well, gee... Since you're stuck there and all, I guess we
won't have to watch a movie, huh?

PEARL: <faux-sweetly> Why Mikey, of course you don't. Mommy
Forester isn't going to send you a nasty-wasty movie today.
<not so sweetly> I'm going to send you a rancid movie
*script* instead!

<SOL>

MIKE: Pardon?
TOM: Huh?

<Widowmaker>

PEARL: <to the masses in traffic> Can it, you ignorant dorks!
Can't you see I'm trying to take over the universe here?
<to M&TB> That's right, Nelson! You get to feast your eyes
on this script for _Mighty_Morphin_Power_Rangers:_The_Movie_
I found perched majestically atop a pile of mildewed weenies
back on the Camping Planet.

TOM: Power Rangers! Wow! <he looks at Mike and CROW> I
mean... Urgh?

<CROW eyes TOM suspiciously>

CROW: What was that, Tom?

MIKE: Mrs. F., what are we supposed to do with this script?

PEARL: You READ it, you moron! The words'll flash up on the
screen... Don't worry, Brain Guy fixed it all up...

<SOL>

MIKE: But what about cheesy music? And lousy sound effects?
And bad acting, and...

MIKE: AAAAAAAAAAAHHH! We've got SCRIPT SIGN!

<6 5 4...

CROW: YOU like POWER RANGERS?
TOM: SHUT UP!

...3 2 @>

<SOL- Theater>

> MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS: THE MOVIE

MIKE: I have just one question: WHY?!?!?!

> REVISIONS BY ARNE OLSEN

CROW: It's the OTHER Olsen twin!

> DIRECTED BY BRYAN SPICER
> REVISED DRAFT OCTOBER 31 1994
>
> FADE IN:
>
> BLACK SCREEN

CROW: This is the best part of this film, folks- it's all
downhill from here...

>
> Words SCRAWL UP ON SCREEN and we hear a RESOUNDING VOICE.

MIKE: "It is a dark time for the Rebellion..."

>
> VOICE

TOM: Magic Voice?
MAGIC VOICE: Yes?
TOM: Never mind.

> In a time of great strife,

CROW: The Great Strife, the Civil Strife...
TOM: Civil War, Civil War.

> a
> legendary interdimensional being
> known as Zordon, came to the city
> of Angel Grove to establish a
> vanguard in the never ending
> struggle against evil.

MIKE: And he choose Angel Grove because...?

> with the
> aid of his trusted assistant,
> Alpha 5,

ALL: NOOOOO!!!

> the noble master sought
> out six extraordinary teenagers

CROW: Unfortunately, he couldn't find them, so he picked the six
losers you'll see in this film.

> and gave them the power to
> transform into an unstoppable
> fighting force. In time of great
> need, the young heroes

MIKE: ..whimper and bawl and cry for their mommies.

> could now
> call upon colossal assault
> vehicles known as "Zords". while
> the identity of the six remained
> a guarded secret, their
> courageous exploits soon became
> the stuff of Legend,

MIKE: With Tom Cruise, Tim Curry, and Mia Sara
TOM: Mia Sara... Rrrrrorrrwwwll!

> earning them
> the title... The Mighty Morphin
> Power Rangers.
>
> We hear PUMPING ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC as the POWER RANGER'S
> LOGO BURST'S ONTO THE SCREEN.

ALL: AH!

> Now the
> logo EXPLODES,

Tom: This week, on _McGyver_...!

> revealing
>
>
> 1

CROW: <singing> ...Singular sensation...

> EXT. PROP PLANE / FLYING - DAY 1
>
> A prop plane whisking across the deep blue sky.

MIKE: It's a Coleman Francis film!
ALL: NO!!!

>
> ROCKY

CROW: Again?
TOM: DON'T start that, Crow!

> YeeeoowwWWWWW!!!

MIKE: <as Rocky> I hate removing band-aids!

>
>
> 2 INT. PROP PLANE / FLYING - DAY 2

MIKE: Ummm... Weren't we just here?
TOM: No, see, before it was an exterior shot; now we're in an
interior shot...
MIKE: Ahhh...

>
> The six Power Rangers,

MIKE: Power Ranger Roll Call, sound off now!

> TOMMY, KIMBERLY,

MIKE: Annette!

> BILLY,

CROW: Bobby!

> AISHA, ADAM, and ROCKY

TOM: Cubby!

> sport sleek sky diving suits, parachute
> packs and helmets. Tommy is strapped into a high-tech
> airboard.

MIKE: He's strapped _into_ it?

>
> ROCKY
> We're OUTTA here!!

TOM: We wish.

>
> KIMBERLY
> Easy, Rock.

CROW: Gee and I thought she liked it rough.
MIKE: Oh, no...

>
> TOMMY
> Once we hit the target zone we've
> got fifteen seconds to make the
> drop.

TOM: Hostage Negotiations, the Power Rangers way!

>
> BULK (0 . S .)
> Step aside, pinheads.
>
> BULK and SKULL push their way through the Rangers, decked
> in bizarre skydiving regalia, topped off by World War II
> leather caps and aviator goggles.
>
> BULK
> The Stealth Eagle is about to
> fly.

Mike: The Former Temp about to hurl.

>
> SKULL
> Ditto for the Swooping Swallow.
>
> The Rangers exchange amused looks. Aisha gestures to them

TOM: She flipped 'em the bird!
MIKE: I wish she would- it might make the show more interesting
if those kids weren't so damn nice all the time.

>
> AISHA
> Lead on, flyboys.

TOM: <fly buzzing sounds>
CROW: Help me... Help meeeeee...

>
> Bulk and Skull swagger to the door and open it - the ground
> is a dizzying distance below. They swallow hard.

CROW: Even _I'm_ not touching that one...

>
> SKULL
> Bulk... where'd the earth go?

ALL: <ominously> To HELL!

>
> BILLY
> Five seconds to the target zone!
>
> TOMMY
> Aisha you' re on !
>
> Bulk and Skull step aside, Aisha LAUNCHES herself.

CROW: I said "lunch", not "launch"!

>
> The others follow through the opening with flair.
>
> ROCKY
> Stylin!
>
> ADAM
> On your tail!

TOM: Yeah, I always thought there was something "funny" about
Adam...

>
> BILLY
> All systems

MIKE: "All systems" what?

>
> Tommy and Kimberly share an infectious glance, Kimberly
> a hand,

TOM: Thing?

> indicating Tommy should go first.

MIKE: <as Kim> Age before beauty
TOM: Actually, in real life, she's older than he is...
CROW: And what Power Ranger Web Site did you get THAT
information off of?
TOM: Well, actually, they have one with- hey!
CROW and MIKE: Hehehe...

>
> TOMMY
> Surf's up!
>
> He's gone.

CROW: Thank God!

> Kimberly stands backwards in the doorway.

MIKE: ...between adolescence and womanhood...

>
> KIMBERLY
> Catch you on the flipside.
>
> Bulk and Skull watch wide-eyed as she BACK-FLIPS
> out of the plane.
>
>
> 3 EXT. SKY

TOM: Could ya narrow it down a little?

> - DAY 3

TOM: Thanks.

>
> ROCK AND ROLL fills the track as the Rangers plunge towards
> earth, executing a series of MIND-BOGGLING MANEUVERS: SPINS,
> FISHTAILS, POWER DIVES, BACK FLIPS, you name it.

MIKE: Flailing and screaming as the plummet to their inevitible
deaths?

>
> 4 INT. PROP PLANE - DAY 4
>
> Bulk and Skull psyche themselves up.
>
> BULK
>
> Be the eagle. Be the eagle.

TOM: Do the Dew... Do the Dew...

>
> SKULL
> Be the swallow. Be the
> swallow...

MIKE: PLEASE don't say "swallow"...

>
> They take deep breaths then CHARGE THE DOOR.
>
> BULK AND SKULL
> Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!
>
> Naturally, they get STUCK, wedged shoulder to shoulder.

MIKE: Oh, they're goofy!

> THE PILOT glances back, CHUCKLES and BANKS THE PLANE.

CROW: Dropping people out of planes is FUN!

>
>
> 5 EXT. PROP PLANE - BARREL-ROLLING - DAY 5
>
> Bulk and Skull rotate into frame. Now, facing straight down
> -- they FALL INTO CAMERA, CLINGING TO EACH OTHER DESPERATELY

ALL: Ewwwwww...

>
> BULK AND SKULL
> YEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!

TOM: EXTREEEEEEEEEME!
CROW: SURGE!
MIKE: Please tell me they die.

>
> 6 EXT. SKY - DAY 6
>
> The Rangers pull off more SPECTACULAR MANEUVERS
> then swoop TOGETHER, interlocking hands and forming a
> PERFECT CIRCLE

MIKE: Well, I doubt they could form a _perfect_ circle...

>
> They look to one another and a moment of pure magic passes
> between them. It's not usual the exhilaration of flight
> they're sharing, it s the exhilaration of togetherness, of
> being part of a team.

CROW: That's so BEAUTIFUL!
TOM: Yeah... I think I'm gonna hurl...

>
> TOMMY
> Let's BREAK!!

MIKE: ....Tommy's legs!
TOM: Hey!
MIKE: Not, you Servo- you don't even HAVE legs!
TOM: Oh, yeah...

>
> They disperse and yank their rip-cords.

CROW: ...They fail to open, the kids plummet to their deaths;
end of movie.
MIKE: Dare to dream...

> The sky BURSTS TO LIFE

MIKE: AH!
TOM: How exactly does the SKY "burst" to life?

> WITH SIX BLOSSOMING PARACHUTES -- white, pink, blue, yellow ,
> red and black in color.

CROW: It's the Mighty Color-Coded Rangers!
MIKE: Heheh...

>
> 7 EXT. ANGEL GROVE PARK - DAY 7
>
> FAMILIES eat hot dogs and cotton candy at a huge fundraiser .

CROW: Unfortunately, there was nothing to drink, and the fund
raiser flopped...
TOM: Sad, really...

> A large banner proclaims "SAVE THE OBSERVATORY."

MIKE: "...It gives science geeks something to do on Friday
night."

>
We see
> diving teams with labeled uniforms -- the BOWLING TEAM, ANGEL
> GROVE P.D. and the FIRE DEPARTMENT. There s a large white
> "BULLSEYE" spray-painted on the grass.

CROW: "Save the Observatory, kill the grass."

> The city's
> spectacular large skyline rises out of the b.g.

MIKE: Oh, God! The Bee Gees!
'BOTS: NO!!

>
> A SPUNKY MR. KELMAN

TOM: "Spunky"? I hate him already.

> stands at a podium, speaking into a mic.
>
> MR. KELMAN
> Okay, so the firemen landed four
> out of six inside the target --

MIKE: <as Kelman> Losers...

>
> A BOWLER shouts out playfully.
>
> BOWLER
> How `bout a show tune?!

ALL: NO!!!

>
> Mr. Kelman feigns seriousness.
>
> MR. KELMAN
> Somebody wanna keep chose bowlers
> in line.

TOM: The AGPD pulls out their guns and shoots all the bowlers
in the kneecaps.
ALL: THANK YOU!

>
> A hip thirteen year old, FRED KELMAN,

MIKE: Oh, THIS is gonna be painful...

> yells out as he points
> to the sky.

CROW: <as Tattoo> De plane, de plane!

>
> FRED
> Hey dad, get with the program!

MIKE: <as Kelman> Shut up, ya little smartass! <makes slapping
motion>

>
> MR. KELMAN
> Ladies and gentlemen, it's Angel
> Grove High

CROW: And BOY are they high!
MIKE: That would explain a lot about this "Power Rangers" crap,
actually...

>
> ANGEL ON TARGET

TOM: Well, what kind of angel would he be if he WASN'T on
target?
MIKE: _Angel_on_Target_, the new Roma Downey/Chuck Norris show,
this fall on CBS!

> - AS AISHA touches down flawlessly.

TOM: I think I see a pattern forming.
MIKE: I wish these kids weren't so damn perfect.

>
> MR. KELMAN
> And that's one! A perfect
> landing!
>
> Aisha clears, then Billy and Adam land toqether.

CROW: Oh, bayyyy-be...

>
> MR. KELMAN
> Three for three. Look at `em go!

ALL: SHUT UP!

>
> Billy and Adam clear and now Rocky and Kimberly come in.
>
> MR. KELMAN
> That's five perfect landings!
> Now it's all up to Tommy Oliver.

TOM: This is TOMMY! We KNOW he'll land perfectly... Mr. Tommy
Oliver, Mr. Perfect, King of the World, Leader-
MIKE: Bitter much, Tom?
TOM: Occasionally...

>
> Everybody watches with dumbfounded expressions as Tommy SAILS
> IN ON HIS AIR BOARD AND SLIDES INTO DEAD CENTER.

TOM: Told ya!
CROW: Hey, I never doubted you for a minute.

>
He spreads
> his arms wide.

MIKE: <as Tommy> You know you all love me- admit it.

>
> TOMMY
> Touch down.

TOM: Bite me.

>
> The families CHEER and APPLAUD as they surge forward to
> congratulate the Rangers.
>
> Mr. Kelman and Fred approach Tommy - Fred and Tommy exchange
> stylish hand slaps.

MIKE: I think I'm gonna be ill...

>
> FRED
> Looking good up there.

CROW: Isn't Fred a bit young for Tommy?

>
> TOMMY
> Thanks, man.

TOM: I have an idea; let's count the number of time Tommy says
"man" in the script...
CROW: No, I've got a BETTER idea- let's NOT and say we did!
TOM: Spoilsport.

>
> MR. KELMAN
> Congratulations - the
> Observatory's got a new lease on
> life.

TOM: Oh, good... Billy won't have to worry about trying to have
a social life just yet.

>
> FRED
> Awesome! Ryan's Comet is passing
> over in two days!

CROW: <makes "alarm" noise> Warning! Warning! Foreshadowing!
Foreshadowing!

>
> The other Rangers approach.
>
> AISHA
> Who's up for lunch?
>
> ROCKY
> You read my mind.

MIKE: That would take all of two seconds.

>
> KIMBERLY
> Last one to Ernies buys.
>
> ADAM
> Let's roll!

MIKE: Let me guess- they're not just gonna walk or drive there-
they're gonna do something oh-so-hip and modern...

>
>
> 8 EXT. ANGEL GROVE PARK - DAY 8
>
> We hear a VOCIFEROUS SISSING SOUND,

TOM: The hell?
CROW: Did Lewis Carroll write this?

but we can't see where
> it's coming from. - Suddenly the six Rangers come SCREAMING
> AROUND A CORNER ON STATE-OF-THE-ART ROLLERBLADES.

MIKE: I knew it!

> These kids
> are FLYING!!

CROW: Didn't they already do that?

>
> We hear FULL-THROTTLED MUSIC as the kids WEAVE, DUCK and
> SWERVE like blading virtuosos. Tommy LEAPS in the air, does a
> 180 and SKATES BACKWARD.

MIKE. ...slams into a trees and knocks himself unconscious!
CROW: Oooohh... He's gonna feel THAT in the morning.

>
>
> THE HIGH BRANCHES.past a large tree as Bulk and Skull DROP
> INTO FRAME
>
> SKULL
> Stealth Eagle, huh? The Lame
> Duck is more like it!

TOM: Look who's talking! At least Bulk has a brain!
MIKE: Yeah... The dumber one is called "Skull"... Isn't it
ironic?
TOM: Don't you think, kids?

>
> 9 EXT. CITY STREET - DAY 9
>
> The Rangers GLIDE around another corner -- there's buildings
> on one side of them and a construction site on the other.

CROW: And straight ahead- a cliff!
MIKE: Woo-hoo!

>
> TOMMY
> Let's take the shortcut!
>
> Tommy leads them up a plywood ramp -- they LAUNCH TEN FEET
> THROUGH THE AIR, PULLING OFF HAIR-RAISING FREE STYLE
> MOVES THEN MAKE SPECTACULAR LANDINGS on the construction
> site parking structure.
>
> As they shoot across the concrete, the CAMERA PUSHES IN on:
>
> 10 EXT. INNER CITY CONSTtZUCTION SITE - DAY 10

TOM: Well, SOMEONE needs a spell checker.

>
> ... WORKERS operating heavy machinery -- cranes, bulldozer ,
> etc., Construction Worker jackhammers solid rock. Drill
> makes a CLANGING SOUND as it HITS METAL!

MIKE: <as worker> Damn Ark of the Covenant...
TOM: Actually, I think that was made of-
MIKE: Shut up.

>
A baffled look comes
> over him as he stops the jackhammer, brushes away debris..
> uncovering an ANCIENT IRON PLATE. He gapes at it, too stunned
> to speak.
>
> 11 EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - SHORT TIME LATER 11
>
> A large hook has been fastened to the iron plate -- a crane
> ENGINE ROARS as it HOISTS THE PLATE UP, revealing a CAVERNOUS
> OPENING.
>
> TWO MORE CONSTRUCTION WORKERS have joined the first, all of
> them look on in amazement.
>
> CONSTRUCTION WORKER #2
> Whadda you figure it is?!

MIKE: A big metal thingie with a picture on it. Duh.

>
> CONSTRUCTION WORKER #1
> Hey, ya got me.

CROW: ...Babe.

>
> Suddenly a PURPLE STEAM POURS from the opening. And now
> something really amazing happens. ..

MIKE: The movie gets good?
CROW: 'Fraid not.
MIKE: Damn.

>
> A menacing STONE CLAW RISES UP, CRADLING A HUGE STONE
>
> CONSTRUCTION WORKER # 1
> ... I'll be damned.

TOM: Oh! The same thing he said about his career when he took
this part.

>
> As though drawn by it's power, he moves to touch it.

MIKE: Something tells me that's a bad idea.
CROW: NO? Ya think?

>
> KZAAAAAAP?!! APURPLE BEAM OF LIGHT BLASTS HIM - SENDS
> HIM FLYING TEN FEET THROUGH THE AIR!
>
> CONSTRUCTION WORKER #1
> AHHHHHHHHH!

MIKE: The pause that refreshes!

>
>
> 11A EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY 11A
>
> A T.V. REPORTER is talking into camera.
>
> REPORTER
> We're here at the World Center
> Construction Site, where a
> mysterious object was just
> uncovered in a freak accident

TOM: This whole MOVIE is a freak accident.

> in
> which one workman suffered minor
> injuries...
>
> 12
> 12
> thru OMITTED
> 13 13

MIKE: That's frightening- there was something so BAD it didn't
make it into THIS movie!
CROW: Maybe it was too good?
MIKE: Could be...

"Did anything about that seem strange to you?"
-Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones), _Men_in_Black_
Catherine Johnson ---------- MiSTie #75,125 ---------- TCur...@aol.com

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