MiSTed: Let There Be Angst! (4b/4)

[pmi...@asid.org]

MiSTed: Let There Be Angst! (4b/4)
By Peter Milan

It's over now...

TOM: Sorry, Mike.
MIKE: I proclaim thee wicked in my sight, Tom.

>I did not write this. I am forwarding this to xff on behalf of the
>author with their permission. This work was originally run on
>the EMXC mailing list and all feedback and comments should
>be directed to the author at: wagn...@mindspring.com
>
>SciNut(O'tay!)
>host EMXC
>
>To join the EMXC mailing list send an email to EM...@aol.com.

CROW: And now for a colorful vignette in which the Well-Manicured
Man stuffs an M-80 wrapped in tinfoil and pennies in his
mouth and lights the fuse.

>==============================================
>This story is being posted by Lee Ann Wagner
(lawa...@mindspring.com) for
>her husband Steven. Please forward to XFF, ATXC, and Gossamer.

MIKE: D'OH! Steven!
TOM: This is one understanding woman.

>A Swim in the Dark
>Steven M. Wagner
>wagn...@mindspring.com
>
>Rating: PG
>
>Finish Date: 9 Sep 1997
>
>SUMMARY: Mulder catches Scully skinny dipping in a motel pool.

[ALL do a spit take.]
CROW: YES! Dr. F, I take back all that stuff I said about your
mother!
TOM: This is one _Very_ understanding woman!

>DISCLAIMER: This is a fiction story based on the characters
>created by Chris Carter. No infringement of copyrights held by
>10/13 Productions, Twentieth Century Productions, or Fox
>Broadcasting is intended. All unrecognised characters and plot-
>lines belong to me. Names, characters, and places exist solely
>within my imagination, are used with permission from the living
>entity, or fictitiously. No connection to any person, living or
>dead, is intended, and any resemblance is entirely coincidental.
>Feel free to distribute, but please keep me as the author.

TOM: Enough disclaimer, let's get to the skin!

>
>---------------------------------------------------------------
>A Swim in the Dark
>Steven M. Wagner
>wagn...@mindspring.com

CROW: Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah!
MIKE: Stay calm, Crow!
CROW: NUDITY! WE WANT NUDITY!

>
>
>It was one o'clock in the morning, and Scully couldn't sleep.

CROW: Well, have you tried ma--
MIKE: Don't EVEN.
CROW: --nufacturing sheep in your mind? (to MIKE) So quick to
accuse, so quick to judge. It's sad, really.

>It had been another deadend case in another no name town. And
>now Mulder had found them another no name motel to say at.

MIKE: Ah, the old no-tell motel trick!

>Scully grabbed her bags from the trunk, mumbled a "We'll meet for
>breakfast," and hurried to her room and the bed.

TOM: Yeah, great. TAKE IT OFF!
CROW: If my arms worked, I'd hold up a five dollar bill!

>She caught the faint blue glow of a lit pool through the window
>of her room. The idea of a swim appealed to the redhead. But
>the lack of a swimsuit was a drawback.

MIKE: Not for us, baby.
TOM: SHAKE IT, DANA!

> She frowned, but smile
>remembering that the pool was in a secluded location and that
>there hadn't been anybody by for the past half hour. It wasn't
>the first time she had skinnydipped,

CROW: Oh PLEASE tell me there's fanfic about that, too...

> and she would walk to the
>pool in her robe, gun tucked in one pocket, her id and room key

MIKE: I usually bring my superego when I go swimming...

>in the other. If she saw anybody, she'd return to the room, if
>not. . .

CROW: She'd shoot whoever was there and claim that they were
conspiring or something...

>Mulder jogged through the darkness of the night, the sounds of
>the insects and nightbirds around him.

TOM: Oh, not _this_ again! I don't want to hear about him running
balls-to-the-wall again!

> Ahead was the lights of
>the motel, and waiting for him was a shower and late night talk
>shows.

CROW: And a whole lot of Spectravision.
MIKE: [Skinner] Agent Mulder, can you explain why the film
"Ass Freaks" appeared on your hotel bill?
TOM: [Mulder] Aliens, sir.

> As he hit the motel driveway, his pace slackened until he
>was walking, letting the body slow down. The sounds of water
>splashing caught his attention.

MIKE: Hey...that sounds _shiny_!

> He let himself into the pool
>enclosure, trying not to make a noise.

CROW: He began whistling "Hall of the Mountain King" under his
breath...

>The sight of the woman swimming nude rooted him to the patio.
>She cavorted in the water like an otter,

MIKE: Mmmmm...that's good cavorting.

> gliding effortlessly
>through the water, swimming a lap, then surface diving to the
>bottom of the pool. The pale blue lights of the pool gently
>illuminated her.

TOM: [Scully] Hey, wow! I understand cold fusion!

> He started to smile thinking of how it would be
>holding her bare wet body in his arms, of her arms wrapped
>tightly around him.

CROW: Yes...yes, yes...more, more, MORE...
MIKE: You're taking a cold shower after this fanfic, young man.

>"Mulder?"
>
>A sharp word broke the spell. His mind quickly registered whose
>green terry cloth robe was pooled at his feet. He looked at his
>partner in the water, her auburn hair fanning out behind her, her
>curves barely concealed by the water.

TOM: [Daffy Duck] So rrround, so firrrrm, so fully packed!

>"Mulder. Head back to your room. Then I'll get out and follow
>you."

MIKE: You saw nothing, do you hear? Nothing! SCHNELL! SCHNELL!

><Weak play, partner,> Mulder thought picking up the robe. <Let's
>tease a bit.> "What's it worth to you?"

CROW: [Jimmy Stewart] This is a VERY INTERESTING SITUATION!

>He saw her eyebrows go up before she answered smiling, "A home
>cooked meal."

TOM: Second, dedicate your life to charity. Third, get a partial
lobotomy.
MIKE: WHAT?! COOK A MEAL?!

>"Na. Do better," he responded, holding the robe up. "How about
>a date with Vanessa and Carrie?

[Dumbfounded shock.]
CROW: Steven Wagner, you beautiful bastard, I LOVE YOU!

>She held onto the side of the pool for a second, thinking. In
>the dim light he could see her eyes sparkle. Then she splashed
>him.

TOM: Which means he turned into a woman.
CROW: Which means this fanfic just got _very_ interesting!
MIKE: They're not crossing over with "Ranma 1/2"! Just relax.

>He shook his eyes clear soon enough to see her pert bottom

CROW: I love this fanfic on so many levels.
TOM: You know, I don't think I'll respect this fanfic in
the morning...AND I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS!

>disappear into the water as she surface dived into the deep end
>of the pool. "This means war," he growled as he stripped off his
>clothes and shoes and jumped into the water.

MIKE: Unfortunately, he forgot he can't swim and sank like a rock.

>And entered her element. She swam effortlessly through the blue-
>lit water.

TOM: [sings] They call her Scully, Scully, faster than lightning...

> He tried several times to catch up to her, wanting to
>dunk her for splashing him. But each time, she easily escaped
>his grasp. The play of light on her trim frame captivated him,

TOM: Mmmmm...a lovely beast like that could put steam in a man's
strides.
MIKE: I thought she was your feminist role model.
TOM: Yeah, but she's a total hottie, too!

>the bands of light and shadow both revealed and hid her beauty.
>Soon his thoughts turned from grabbing a leg and dunking, to
>running his hands up her legs and then holding her body close to
>his.

CROW: Boy, if I had nipples, I bet they'd be rock hard right now!
MIKE: .....Crow?
CROW: Yeah?
MIKE: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

>She was swimming on her back, gently propelling herself with her
>hands, smiling at her partner swimming after her. Her face
>signaled her surprise as her partner's hands grabbed her slim
>ankles

CROW: [husky] Go slow.

> and slowly slid up her legs

MIKE: [really husky] Oh, yeah, baby.

> and around her waist as he
>started to pull her into his arms.

TOM: [Isaac Hayes] I'm gonna take you and lay your body down...

>
> *-*-*
>
>Jason Cleaver's head jerked up as a plaintive "NO" escaped his
>lips. The horror of Scully in Mulder's arms echoing through his
>brain.

CROW: What th--AHHHHHHHHHHH!
TOM: D'OH! Stung again!

> The other people in the bullpen looked over, worried at
>him as he shook his head, "I'm ok. Nothing to worry about."

MIKE: Wow...you know, this is just like the twist ending at the
end of "The Usual Suspects". Or "Futurekick", I forget which.
CROW: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

><Blast it, that's the last time I spend that much time reading
>Megan Reilly's 'shipper stories.>

CROW: NOOOOO! NOOOOOOOO! YOU SONOVA--
MIKE: Calm down, Crow!
CROW: DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL, YOU DAMN DIRTY APES!
TOM: Time to go, guys...
CROW: KILL! KILL! KILL!

[1...2...3...4...5...6...7...]

[SOL. The bridge is a disaster area. Sounds of destruction from off.]

MIKE: I hope you're satisfied, Dr. F! Between seeing Scully's
heaving bosom in the Gothic Dream and watching her
skinny-dip in "A Swim In The Dark", Crow's gone
completely insane!
CROW: [off] CROW SMASH!
MIKE: And between that Mulder's Prayer thing and watching his
heroes kill themselves, Tom's gone all Goth on us!
[Tom comes in, wearing all black.]
TOM: Hello, Michael. You know, all this fanfic has made me realize
that we are all alone in a cold, uncaring universe.
MIKE: That's great, Tom. CROW! PUT DOWN THE DISHWASHER!
[horrible offsceen SMASH]
CROW: [off] DISHWASHER LAUGH AT CROW!
TOM: In fact, I wrote a poem about it. *ahem* "Night's Sweet Embrace"
by Thomas Servo. *ahem* Long have I walked through the cold, cold
night, seeking surcease from my pain...
CROW: [off] POEM HURT CROW'S EARS!
[SMASH! CRUSH!]
MIKE: Tom, maybe you oughtta--
TOM: [raising voice] The peace of the grave looms ever closer, a
comfort from human woe--WHOOOOOAAAAAA!
[CROW bumrushes Servo, crushing him. He jumps up and down on Servo.]
CROW: CROW SMASH! SMASH! SMASH...huh. I feel a lot better. Thanks, Tom!
TOM: Oh...the pain...the pain...
MIKE: Actually, that worked out pretty well. Whaddaya think, sirs?

[Deep 13. Dr. F is alone.]

DR. F: Well, it didn't ruin your souls as much as I'd like, but
you gotta admit, it left bite marks on your spirit, no?
FRANK: [off] Doc, have you seen my copy of "Girlfriend In A Coma?"
DR. F: Try under the bed. Well, kids, I'll send you a nice cheery
movie tomorrow...it's a chipper British comedy called
"Brassed Off!" Heh. Heh heh. Heh heh heh. AH HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA!!

[Out.]

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 1997 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved.

Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes
only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by
Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.

And yes, "Brassed Off!" is just as depressing as the admittedly ambiguous
ending of this MiSTing indicates. You've been warned. See the fellas'
reactions when I return with "Let There Be Angst 2: Suicide Is Painful."

This MiSTing is not meant to insult any of the authors whose work
appears herein...

Later,
Peter Milan
ti...@eyrie.org

-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/ Now offering spam-free web-based newsreading

[SimnJestr]

>>He saw her eyebrows go up before she answered smiling,
>>"A home cooked meal."
>
>TOM: Second, dedicate your life to charity. Third, get a partial
> lobotomy.
>MIKE: WHAT?! COOK A MEAL?!

A Bloom County ref! Thank you!

Martin aka Fox Mulder as Steve Dallas? I can see that, but Scully as Quiche
Lorraine?

Simon Jester a.k.a. Martin "The Mess" Hohner
Simn...@aol.com/Simon...@hotmail.com
Dull Webpage - http://members.aol.com/MHohner
There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch - R.A.H.

[pmi...@asid.org]

In article <199804070516...@ladder03.news.aol.com>,

simn...@aol.com (SimnJestr) wrote:
>
> >>He saw her eyebrows go up before she answered smiling,
> >>"A home cooked meal."
> >
> >TOM: Second, dedicate your life to charity. Third, get a partial
> > lobotomy.
> >MIKE: WHAT?! COOK A MEAL?!
>

> A Bloom County ref! Thank you!
>
> Martin aka Fox Mulder as Steve Dallas? I can see that, but Scully as Quiche
> Lorraine?

*SLAP*
"I'm not that kind of agent!"
"You certainly ARE!"
"Oh, _pits_. Is itthat obvious?"

Glad you liked it,
Pete