MSTed: Make $50,000 in a month!

[MisterSmoo]

All righty, this is my first attempt at MSTing anything outside of Charles
Bronson movies and the sort, but I like it. Any advice &c is useful. I'm
also reachable @ hikin...@aol.com (yes, I'm the same.)
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>Hello! I've got some awesome news that I think you need to take
>two minutes to read if you have ever thought
Crow: "Hmm...What's the easiest way that I could waste my money?"
>"How could I make some serious cash in a hurry???"
Tom: Obviously not whatever this guy is selling us.
> or been in serious debt, ready to do almost anything to get the
>money needed to pay off those
>bill collectors. So grab a snack, a warm cup of coffee, or a glass
>of your favorite beverage,
Tom: In this guy's case, I'm hoping it's something really toxic.
Mike: Tom! How could you say something like that?
Tom: Easy Mike, it's called "serious cash in a hurry"
Mike: Proceed.
>get comfortable and listen to this interesting, exciting find!
Crow: This guy obviously takes those words very loosely...
> Let me start by saying that I FINALLY FOUND IT!
Tom: Oh, wait. I didn't. Nevermind.
>That's right!
Mike: No it isn't.
>I found it! And I HATE GET RICH QUICK SCHEMES!!
Crow: So you hate what you're selling us.
Tom: Hypocrite!
>I hate those
>schemes like multi-level marketing, mail-order schemes, envelope
>stuffing scams,
Crow: Like this one.
>900 number scams... the list goes on forever. I
>have tried every darn get rich quick scheme out there over the
>past 12 years. I somehow got on mailing lists for people looking
>to make money (more like 'desperate stupid people who will try
>anything for money!').
Mike: Like himself.
Crow: Maybe he got on those lists because he signed up for one while he
was
in one of his common drunken hazes.
> Well, when I was a teenager, these
>claims to 'get me rich quick' sounded irresistible! I would shell
>out $14.95 here, $29.95 there, $24.95 here, and another $49.95
>there.
Tom: Call now to order your own veg-o-matic! only 14.95, 29.95 and 49.95!
>I had maxed out my new Circuit City Card AND my Visa...I
Mike: So his parents let him have credit cards when he turned thirteen.
>was desperate for money!! So, I gave them all a chance but
>failed at every one of them! Maybe they worked for some people,
>but not for me.
Tom: This guy obviously hasn't had any contact with other people for a
looong time.
>Eventually, I just tossed that JUNK MAIL in the
>trash when I got the mail. I recognized it right away.
Mike: Bills, foreclosure notices, census forms.
>I can
>smell a money scam from a mile away these days, SO I THOUGHT....
Crow: Then I remembered I couldn't multitask.
>I thought I could sniff out a scam easily. WAS I WRONG!!
Mike: Yes!
>....I LOVE THE INTERNET!!!
Tom: Not to change the subject COMPLETELY or anything...
>
> I was scanning thru a NEWSGROUP and saw an article stating to
>GET CASH FAST!! I thought..."Here on the Internet??
Tom: People couldn't possibly rip people off on the "Information
Superhighway"
>Well, I'll
>just have to see what schemes could possibly be on the internet."
>The article described a way to MAIL A ONE DOLLAR BILL TO ONLY
>FIVE PEOPLE AND MAKE $50, 0000 IN CASH WITHIN 4 WEEKS! Well,
>the more I thought about it,
Crow: That must be hard for you.
>the more I became very curious. Why?
Crow: Because when you're unemployed and leeching off of the government,
you
have the chance to be curious.
>Because of the way it worked AND BECAUSE IT WOULD ONLY COST ME
>FIVE DOLLARS (AND FIVE STAMPS), THAT'S ALL I EVER PAY....EVER!!
>
> Ok, so the $50,000 in cash was maybe an tough amount to reach,
>but it was possible.
Mike: With some money and a copier.
> I knew that I could at least get a return
>of $1,000 or so.
Tom: And you're basing this on what?
> So I did it!! As per the instructions in the
>article, I mailed out ('snail mail'for you e-mail fanatics)
Tom: Mike, kill me now.
Mike: What?
Tom: I can't take this anymore!
Mike: What's the problem?
Tom: Two words, Mike: Snail Mail
Mike: I see your point. Kill the author!
>a single dollar bill to each of the five people on the list that
>was contained in the article. I included a small note, with the
>dollar, that stated "Please Add Me To Your List."
Mike: Fully aware that no one would understand a single thing I was
saying.
Crow: You'd think that he'd be used to not being understood by now.
>I then removed
>the first position name of the five names listed and moved
>everyone up one position, and I put my name in position five of
>the list.
Crow: Say what?
>This is how the money starts rolling in!
>I then took
>this revised article now with my name on the list and REPOSTED IT
>ON AS MANY NEWSGROUPS AND LOCAL BULLETIN BOARD
>MESSAGE AREAS THAT I KNEW. I then waited to watch the money
>come in
Tom: Only to find my name added to kill lists everywhere.
>...prepared to maybe receive about $1000 to $1500 in cash or
>so....
>But what a welcome surprise when
Tom: Nothing came in whatsoever!
>those envelopes kept coming in!!! I
>knew what they were as soon as I saw the return addresses from people
>all over the world-Most from the U.S., but some from Canada, even
>some from Australia! I tell you, THAT WAS EXCITING!!
Tom: If this guy finds death threats from all over the world exciting,
I've
lost all faith in him.
>So how
>much did I get in total return? $1000? $5000? Not even!!! I
>received a total of $23,343!!!
Mike: Okay, it was really $2.33 I found in my couch, but that's beside the
point.
>I couldn't believe it!!
Tom: Elvis is alive! Well, the Weekly World News said it, and they never
lie!
>
> I now have a brand new black Acura Integra to speak for, due
>to
Crow: The big mix-up at the bank.
>this!! Now after almost 8 months, I am ready to do it again!!!
Tom: What, get more death threats?
>So maybe it was possible to get $50,000 in cash, I don't know,
Crow: anything.
Mike: Crow, be nice!
>but IT COMPLETELY DEPENDS ON YOU, THE INDIVIDUAL! You
>must follow through and repost this article everywhere you can think
>of!
Mike: Nevermind. Spare no prisoners!
>The more postings you achieve will determine how much cash
>will arrive in your very own mailbox!! It's just too easy to
>pass up!!!
Tom: What, wasting bandwith? Making massive cross-postings that screw up
newsgroups for months?
> Let's review the reasons why you should do this: The only
>cost factors are for the five stamps, the 5 envelopes and the 5
>one dollar bills
Tom: Plus the cost of the trained llama, one pint of goat blood and the
candles for the pentagram.
>that you send out to the listed names by snail
>mail (US Postal Service Mail).
Mike: I guess this guy is admitting the only people dumb enough to read
this
are the ones that haven't seen the light of day for five or six years.
>Then just simply repost the
>article (WITH YOUR NAME ADDED) to all the newsgroups and local
>BBS's you can. Then sit back and, (ironically), enjoy walking
Tom: What's so ironic about that?
>(you can run if you like! :o ) down your driveway to your
>mailbox and scoop up your rewards!!
Crow: Junk mail, bills, and the occasional death threat.
>We all have five dollars to
>put into such an easy effortless investment
Mike: What he *really* meant to say was "we all have five dollars to waste
in such an obvious get-rich-quick scheme."
>with SPECTACULAR
>REALISTIC RETURNS OF $15,000 to $25,000 in about 3-5 weeks! So
>HOLD OFF ON THOSE LOTTERY NUMBERS FOR TODAY,
Crow: Anybody knows if you were to do that, your numbers would come up.
>EAT AT HOME TONIGHT INSTEAD OF TAKEOUT FROM McDONALDS AND
>INVEST FIVE DOLLARS IN THIS AMAZING MONEY MAKING SYSTEM
>NOW!!! YOU CAN'T LOSE!!
Crow: HELP ME! I CAN'T STOP YELLING!
> So how do you do it exactly, you ask?
Tom: Actually, I don't.
>I have carefully
>provided the most detailed, yet straightforward instructions on
>how to easily get this underway and get your cash on its way.
>SO, ARE YOU READY TO MAKE SOME CASH!!!??
Tom: Wait, I'm not done taking notes!
>HERE WE GO!!!
Tom: But I'm not ready yet!
>*** THE LIST OF NAMES IS AT THE END OF THIS ARTICLE. ***
Mike: Good, I can put them in my kill file.
>OK, Read this carefully. Get a printout of this information,
>if you like, so you can easily refer to it as often as needed.
Crow: Or use it for kindling if you like.
>INSTRUCTIONS:
>
>1. Take a sheet of paper and write on it the following:
>"Please add my name to your list".
Mike: Kill list, that is. <Heh heh>
>This creates a service out
>of this money making system and thus making it completely legal.
Tom: Okay, maybe not. But do I care? No.
>You are not just randomly sending a dollar to someone, you are
>paying one dollar for a legitimate service.
Tom: That of taking money off of your hands.
>Make sure you
>include your name and address. I assure you that, again, this
>is completely legal!
Crow: Well, maybe in some third world country.
>For a neat little twist, also write what
Crow: What they could have bought if they had saved all the money they
wasted on these get-rich-quick schemes.
Mike: [serious announcer voice] "With the amount of money the average
sender
uses in one year, they could buy a brand-new Mercedes"
>slot their name was in: "You were in slot 3", Just to add a
>little fun!
Tom: [monotone] Ha. Whoopie. I'm having the greatest time of my life.
>This is all about having fun and making money at
>the same time!
Crow: Wrong on both counts.
>2. Now fold this sheet of paper around a dollar bill ,(no
>checks or money orders), and put them into an envelope
Mike: What? Aw, man! I glued the dollar to a postcard!
>and send
>it on its way to the five people listed. The folding of the
>paper around the bill will insure its arrival to its recipient.
>THIS STEP IS IMPORTANT!!
>
>3. Now listen carefully,
Crow: I'll pass.
>here's where you get YOUR MONEY COMING
>TO YOUR MAILBOX. Look at the list of five people; remove the
>first name from position one and move everyone on the list up
>slot one on the list. Position 2 name will now move to the
>position 1 slot , position 3 will now become position 2, 4 will
>be be 3, 5 wil be 4. Now put your name, address, zipcode AND
>COUNTRY in position 5, the bottom position on the list.
Mike: Thanks. Now in English?
>4. Now upload this updated file to as many newsgroups and local
>bulletin boards' message areas & file section as possible. Give
>a catchy description of the file so it gets noticed!! Such as:
>"NEED FAST CASH?, HERE IT IS!" or "NEED CASH TO PAY OFF
>YOUR DEBTS??", etc.
Crow: Yep, that'll *really* get it high readership.
Mike: You'd probably be better off titling it "HAVE TOO MUCH MONEY? READ
THIS!"
>And the more uploads, the more money you
>will make,
Crow: In maybe in some other universe.
>and of course, the more money the others on the list will
>make too. LET'S ALL TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER BY BEING
>HONEST AND BY PUTTING FORTH 120 PERCENT INTO THIS
>PROFITABLE & AMAZING SYSTEM!!! You'll reap the benefits, believe
>me!!! Set a goal for the number of total uploads you'll post, such as
>15-20 postings or more! Always have a goal in mind!!
Tom: My! God!! I can't seem!!! To!!! Stop overusing!!! Exclamation
points!!!
>If you can UUE
>encode the file when uploading, that will make it easier for the
>people to
>receive it and have it downloaded to their hard drive.
Crow: Uh huh! People absolutely LOVE uuencoded text files!
>That way
Mike: No one will go through the trouble of decoding it.
>they get a copy of the article right on their computer without
>hassles of viewing and then saving the article from the File menu.
>Don't alter the file type, leave it as an MS-DOS Text file. The
>best test is to be able to view this file using Microsoft's
>Notepad for Windows 3.x or WordPad for Windows '95. If the margins
>look right without making the screen slide left or right when at
>the ends of the sentences, you're in business!
Mike: Okay, maybe not.
>5. If you need help uploading, simply ask the sysop of the BBS,
>or "POST" a message on a newsgroup asking how to post a file,
>tell them who your Internet provider is and PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS BE
>GLAD TO HELP.
Tom: Yep, people really enjoy helping newbies trying to post junk to their
newsgroups.
>I would try to describe how to do it but there are
>simply too many internet software packages with slightly different
>yet relatively simple ways to post or upload a file.
Crow: Hit the "post" button. Is it really that hard?
>Just ask for
>help or look in the help section for 'posting'. I do know that for
>GNN, you simply select 'POST' then enter a catchy description
>under the subject box, choose 'ATTACH', selecting 'UUE' and NOT
>'TXT', then choose 'Browse' to go look for the file. Find your
>text file CASH.TXT and click on it and choose 'OK'. Place a one
>line statement in the main body section of the message post
>screen. Something like "Download this to read how to get cash
>arriving in your mailbox with no paybacks!" or whatever. Just make
>sure it represents its true feasibility,
Crow: This guy is really crazy!
Tom: Why do you say that?
Crow: He thinks this is feasible.
>NOT something like...
>"Get one million dollars flooding in your mailbox in two days!"
>You'll never get ANY responses!
Mike: Only people like the author.
>6. And this is the step I like. JUST SIT BACK AND ENJOY LIFE
>BECAUSE CASH IS ON ITS THE WAY!!
Mike: Ignore all of the foreclosure notices.
>Expect to see a little money
>start to trickle in around 2 weeks, but AT ABOUT WEEKS 3 & 4, THE
>MONEY STORM WILL HIT YOUR MAILBOX!!
Tom: Assuming it's during the wet season.
>All you have to do is take it
>out of the mailbox and try not to scream too loud (outside anyway)
>when you realize YOU
Crow: Are hated by millions?
Tom: Are swamped in bills?
Mike:
>HIT THE BIG TIME AT LAST!!
>
>7. So go PAY OFF YOUR BILLS AND DEBTS and then get that something
>special you always wanted or buy that special person in your life
>(or the one you want in your life) a gift they'll never forget.
Tom: Like a bouquet of dead roses.
>ENJOY LIFE!
Crow: What is there to enjoy? We're stuck reading stupid posts like this
and
Dr. Forrester has an almost unlimited supply!
Mike: Take it easy. Just take a few deep breaths.
>8. Now when you get low on this money supply, simply re-activate
>this file again; Reposting it in the old places where you
>originally posted and possibly some new places you now know of.
>Don't ever lose this file, always keep a copy at your reach for
>when you ever need cash. THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE TOOL THAT YOU
>CAN ALWAYS RE-USE TIME AND TIME AGAIN WHEN CASH IS
>NEEDED!
Crow: [basement-of-the-science-building voice] People will never catch on
to
this!
>9. (This step added by Charles Reiley).
Tom: Kill him!!!
Mike: I'll have to agree with you this time.
>Hello, This is exciting isn't it?!
Crow: No.
>While I'm on the list, just add a note saying "Please
>include extra money tips" with your name & E-MAIL address, and I
>will (FOR FREE) send you some neat methods to increase the money
>you will receive with this plan. Why?... Why not? I'm not a selfish
>jerk...I like helping out others.
Mike: Make their life miserable?
>E-mail just makes it a touch
>easier and cheaper, too!
Crow: Money, money, money. It's all about money, isn't it.
>After I drop off the list, I can no
>longer offer you this advice, obviously, but maybe someone else
>who gets my tips will offer and simply replace my name on this step
>number 9. Good luck and give this plan your all, it will definitely
>pay off!
>Like Mike said, HAVE FUN WITH IT!!!
Crow & Tom: MIKE!!
Mike: Not me, guys!
>
>*******************************************************************
>*******************************************************************
>THE NAMES LIST THE NAMES LIST THE NAME LIST
>*******************************************************************
Tom: Got your pen and paper ready?
>* HONESTY IS WHAT MAKES THIS PROGRAM SUCCESSFUL!!!
>*
>*
>* 1. Scott Melanson
>* 1103 Sussex Dr.
>* North Lauderdale, FL 33068 *
Crow: Kill him!
>*
>*
>* 2. Dave Garrison
>* 263 Fenster Dr
>* Indianapolis, IN 46234
Crow: And him!
>*
>*
>* 3. Todd Winn
>* R.R.#16 Box 581
>* Bloomington, Il. 61704
Crow: And him too!
>*
>* 4. John F. Bourgeois
>* 3043 New Oak Lane
>* Bowie, MD 20716
Crow: And him!
>*
>* 5. David Maxwell
>* 1747 Stonybrook Ln.
>* APT 103
> Brunswick, OH 44212
Crow: Him too!
>
>
>****************************************************************
Tom: Is it over?
Mike: I hope so.
>
>
>NOTE:
Tom:NOOOOOO!!! [starts sobbing]
Mike: It's okay, just a little more...
Tom: No it isn't!!
>Try to keep a list of everyone that sends you a dollar and always keep
>an eye on the local postings of this file... Just to make sure that
>everyone is playing the game fairly. You know where your name should
>be.....
>
>*** AGAIN, HONESTY IS THE BEST THING WE HAVE GOING FOR US ON THIS
>PLAN.
>
>-Mike Dotson, Boulder, CO
>
>*** By the way, if you try to deceive people by posting the messages
>with your name in the list and not sending the money to the people
>already
>included, you will not get much. I know someone who did this and only
>got about $150 (and that's after two months). Then he sent the 5
>bills,
>people added him to their lists, and in 4-5 weeks he had over $10000!
Mike: Oh, I get it, it's one of those chain letters.
Crow: "Joe Blow broke the chain and spontaneously combusted exactly one
week
later. John Doe kept the chain intact and recieved a huge windfall from
an
uncle, won lotteries in all fifty states and D.C. and married the woman of
his dreams."
>All the
>lists are re-distributed as soon as the money is received.
>
>end of article
Tom: Yes!! It's finally over! The source of all our pain is over!
Crow: Don't get too happy, there's gonna be more next week.
Tom: NOOOO!! [start's sobbing again]
Mike: Crow! [chases Crow out of theater]