Misted: "New Mutants Volume 2 #2" (2/2)
do...@earlham.edu
PAGE THIRTEEN:
Caption: "China. 7:30 PM"
Wu and Linwei are eating dinner.
Linwei: "<Have you any other advice on my training,
Father?>"
CROW: [Wu] Well, "sit" and "stay" are going pretty well, but
your "roll over" needs work.
Wu: "<I can think of nothing. You are progressing very
well.>"
Linwei: "<Would it be possible for you to teach me the
techniques you demonstrated earlier, that your old
teacher taught you?>"
Wu: "<I could not truly teach them myself, and the one
who could I have not seen for many years.
MIKE: [Wu] Besides, I got sick of him calling me
"Grasshopper."
TOM: Hey, you don't suppose that Master Chen is Chen Ming
Kan, chief monk on "Kung Fu," do you?
MIKE: No, too farfetched.
No doubt he still lives, but he could only be found by
the government. And we have no wish to speak to them.>"
Linwei: "<Have you had more trouble with them?>"
CROW: That's a rather personal question!
Wu: "<I still have no desire to cooperate with their
agenda, despite their harassment. They have not sought
me here, and I see no reason to call attention to
myself.>"
TOM: [Linwei] Oh. I'll just, uh, take the flares down from
the roof, then.
PAGE FOURTEEN:
The new house, the living room. Stevie, Amara, Amanda,
and Lara enter.
Stevie: "Well, this is it."
Sam and Lila come down the stairs.
CROW: Lila re-buttoning her shirt, Sam smoothing his hair...
MIKE: I'd reprimand you, but I'm worried you're right.
Lila: "So, these the new students?"
Stevie: "Yeah. Amanda Johnson and Lara Ventura, meet
Sam Thompson and Lila Cheney. Sam's a student here, and
Lila's paying for all of this."
One panel of pause.
Sam: "Hi. I don't bite."
TOM: [Amanda] Oh, I'm sorry, I just realized you're the only
one whose name doesn't end in a vowel.
MIKE: [Lara] Alllll righty, then.
Amanda: "Hello."
Lara: "...hi..."
Stevie: "Well, let's get everything moved in. Sam, can
you give us a hand?"
PAGES FIFTEEN-SIXTEEN:
Caption: "After everything is moved in..."
CROW: TWENTY-TWO PAGES OF MOVING-IN ACTION!
Stevie: "We've got one more student to talk to, and he's
not too far away, so I figured we could go in person.
Anyone want to come along?"
Sam: "Sure, if it's no problem."
Amanda: "Okay."
Amara: "I would have no objection."
Stevie: "Lara?"
Lara: "...ok..."
Stevie: "Let's go, then."
Caption: "Massachusetts Academy."
Frost, dressed normally, is with Jetstream and Tarot, in
school uniforms. Frost: "Remember: set a good example
for the school. Be on your best behavior, and don't
make me regret choosing you."
CROW: [Emma] That would be...*naughty*.
MIKE: Oh, give it a rest.
Frost wanders off, and the other Hellions enter. Tarot
pulls out the cards, and begins a reading.
Bevatron: "Good luck."
Jetstream: "Thank you."
Tarot: (muttering to self) "Secrets best kept hidden...
a time of troubles..."
TOM: [Tarot] Storms over Africa...a need for cheese...rats in
the azaleas...
Roulette: (to Tarot) "What now? Another card reading?"
Tarot: "Yes, I am attempting to..."
Roulette: (absolutely fuming) "Attempting to what? Get
a royal flush?"
Tarot: "No, I'm..."
Roulette: "You're letting those stupid cards run your
life, that's what you're doing! Look, stupid,
MIKE: For a New Jersey gang girl, she has a mouth on her like
a Baptist preacher, you know.
TOM: Comics Code, stupid.
I can show you how useful that is. Remember that
reading you did earlier about the members? Fine! Here's
Frost's list of the members..."
She pulls a deck of playing cards out from somewhere.
Roulette: "Look! The first one's named Sam..." (she
pulls out a card, and continues to do so as appropriate)
"I got the three of clubs, right? Sam's got three
letters... Amara and the queen of hearts. Amara's a
girl, and she's nobility, and she turns red, sorta...and
everyone falls for her...
CROW: Everybody Loves Amara, Mondays on CBS.
Amanda Johnson, and the jack of diamonds. Johnson
begins with J... Lara Ventura and the five of
diamonds... Well, you get the idea! I can do the same
thing you do with your cards, and I bet it works about
as well, too!"
TOM: Whoa! Calm down, girl!
CROW: The writers seem to have some issues...
Tarot looks really hurt by this, as Frost returns.
Frost: "We will leave now." (Notices Tarot, and gives
Roulette a nasty glare as they exit)
TOM: [Emma] Jennifer, what have I said about assaulting the
emotionally brittle?
PAGES SEVENTEEN-EIGHTEEN:
Stevie's car drives up to the asylum. She and the kids
get out, and go to the main desk.
Stevie: "Hi, I'm Stevie Hunter...I'm from the school,
and I called earlier about Kevin Derleth?"
MIKE: [receptionist] Oh, I'm sorry, we don't have any more
of those in stock...we do have a few spare Foolkillers,
though.
Deskworker: "Yes, just a second...I'm afraid you'll have
to wait. It's funny, but somebody from another school
came to talk with him today, and they're in there now."
Stevie: "Who was it?"
Deskworker: "It was a...Ms. Emma Frost, I believe."
Cut to Kevin's room. Emma is sitting down, talking to a
disgusted-looking Kevin. Jetstream and Tarot are
sitting separately, and looking bored.
CROW: [Jetstream] So, uhh...you wanna go make out or
something?
Frost: "...And, if you come to our school, you can make
more friends, with people your age, and go on trips with
them... Would you like that?"
Kevin: "Actually, I'd like you to cut the baby-talk.
I'm not five years old, and just because they stuck me
in a looney-bin doesn't mean I'm stupid. When you live
with a mob of psychotherapists for eight years, you
learn every cheap emotion-manipulating trick in the
book, and yours aren't even very good. The least you
could do is be honest enough to admit that you want me
at your school because of what *you* think I can do."
ALL: [cheer]
CROW: The writers seem to have some issues...
Pause, listens to thin air:
Kevin: "She does?" (to Frost) "By the way...why are you
wearing leather underwear?"
TOM: [Emma] I believe I forgot to mention the school dress
code...
Frost chokes and sputters. She storms out.
MIKE: Would that be an...ice storm, then?
[uncomfortable pause]
CROW: Uh, how 'bout those Dodgers?
PAGES NINETEEN-TWENTY:
Kevin laughs slightly. Kevin: (to thin air) "Yeah,
exactly...*Just* the same."
Kevin turns to the slightly bewildered Tarot and
Jetstream.
Kevin: "Hi. I'm Kevin Derleth."
Jetstream: "...Hello. I am Haroun ibn Sallah al-Rashid,
and this is Marie-Anne Colbert."
Tarot is holding her deck, and staring somewhat
disconsolately at it.
Kevin: "So, Marie...
TOM: [Kevin] What gives you bad dreams?
do you use those cards?"
Tarot: "....Yes."
CROW: [Tarot] Although I'm considering tossing out the entire
basis of my life, just because some Jersey bimbo insulted it.
Kevin: "So, what spreads do you like to use?"
TOM: [shocked] Kevin! You just met her!
Cut to: Frost storming off in the corridors somewhere.
Caption: (captions are in Kevin's style, again) "I can
just imagine what's going through her head, right now."
Frost: (thought) "The insolence of that brat! How dare
he speak to me like that?" She pauses, and sits down
somewhere. Caption: "She's probably trying to figure
out what went wrong, and what's up with me..."
Frost: "I clearly underestimated him. I cannot
understand his behavior, however...it seems completely
unpredictable, and doesn't fit his files."
[Tom & Crow whistle the X-Files theme.]
Caption: "Of course, if she *is* a telepath, she might
try to look into my head and see what's there..."
Frost goes into a supply closet. Frost: "If I wish to
recruit him, I shall have no choice but to read his mind
and see what truly motivates him." She concentrates.
CROW: [Emma] --the hell? There's nothing in here but a
picture of a cow and a cardboard box labelled "Kevin's Worst
Nightmare."
PAGES TWENTY-ONE-TWENTY-TWO:
Caption: "I don't think she'll like what she sees..."
BIG two-page splash. The main section fits roughly the
outline of a large, winged humanoid (torso, anyway).
Outside this area are various shots of inmates reacting,
as well as the Hellions and New Mutants.
In the center, Emma is recoiling in horror. Most of it
follows the fevered imaginations of the artist,
MIKE: Since it saves us the trouble of making it up.
but it should include: 1. Death.
TOM: Peachy keen!
2. Eternity. 3. Any other cosmic beings. 4. Three
corpses: An old woman, a middle-aged woman, and a small
girl. The latter two are covered in blood. 5. In
background, branching, radiating pathways. 6. Other
backdrop: Kevin's face (vaguely). 7. Half-transparent,
distorted figures (a whole bunch). Have fun.
PAGE TWENTY-THREE:
Back in the lobby. Sounds of rioting reach the Xavier's
people.
Amanda: "WHAT...WAS...THAT?!?"
CROW: [Announcer] Amidst the horror, Amanda is suddenly
struck with Shatneritis!
Stevie is at the desk by the deskworker.
Stevie: "Well, what's going on?"
Deskworker: (looking freaked) "I...I...It sounds like a
riot, or something..."
TOM: [Deskworker] Oh, wait, that's the patient in room 3A, a
Mr. Madrox. He does this every day. Never mind.
Everyone looks up in shock, as the Chariot (from the
tarot deck) breaks through the wall in a big and
shockingly expensive special effects sequence, except
that this is a comic where we can do that cheaply.
Caption: "
TOM: Yes? And?
MIKE: Having a little trouble with the next issue title, were
we? [picks up Tom]
CROW: This is too abrupt! [the screen is showing the hand-
written gibberish you see at the end of a film] I want
credits!
MIKE: Why?
CROW: So I know who to hate, that's why!
[Exeunt omnes. Doors sequence. SoL bridge.]
CROW: In all fairness, I must say it's not the *worst* fanfic
we've had up here.
MIKE: How so, Crow?
CROW: Well, on the up side, there was only one misspelling,
and the authors had a reasonable grasp of character.
Everyone had different speech patterns, and their
personalities were distinct, if somewhat broadly drawn and
not always completely consistent with the original versions.
TOM: But...
CROW: BUT NOTHING HAPPENED! SIXTY-ONE PAGES AND THE ONLY
ACTION WAS ONE PUNCH AND A TAROT CARD SMASHING THROUGH THE
WALL! FIVE IDENTICAL PANELS OF NOTHING BUT A CAR IN A
GARAGE! HALF THE CHARACTERS HAVEN'T EVEN JOINED THE TEAM
YET! THERE ARE FOUR TELEKINETICS ON THE SAME TEAM! [desists,
sobbing]
TOM: Yeah, in the original graphic novel they introduced four
new characters in sixty-four pages *and* had a nifty battle
with the Hellfire Club.
MIKE: Perhaps the writers need to find a genre where they can
focus on character and dialogue and ignore plot.
CROW: [still sobbing] THERE'S NO SUCH THING, MIKE!
MIKE: Well, maybe things will pick up in the next issue.
[pushes control] What do you think, sirs?
[Deep 13. Dr. F. is holding a stack of the metal bowls.
Frank is made up as Mot the Barber.]
DR. F: Feeling a little drowsy, are we? I'm sure part three
will break your spirits forever! [laughs evilly] Just let me
run these through the translator [puts them in receptacle]
and I'll send it to you. I'm quite happy with this system;
it hasn't produced anything truly vile yet, but I feel like
I'm on the cusp. Here's a few examples: "Street Fighter II
vs. Highlander"..."Mitchell Collectible Card Game"..."Bee
Gees Anthology"..."Fire Joel Schumacher from Batman
movies"...well, they can't all be gems. [crumples up the last
one and tosses it behind him] Gird your loins for part three,
fools!
[SoL; general mayhem]
ALL: WE GOT FANFIC SIGN!
[Doors. Enter all.]
TOM: I just bet the first five pages will be Kevin and Stevie
trading quips with the driver of the chariot.
MIKE: Oh, cheer up.
in computers & minored in electronics
in college.) She began her career as a cat burglar in
NYC about a year ago.
MIKE: Boy, this fanfic has gone off in a whole different
direction.
--Victor Milan, "Transfigurations," _Wild Cards_
say in the matter, however. You may or may not come to
remember my comments on blood made last night. If you
do years, but I perfected your every move...learned your
TOM: ...the hell?
every he felt I could do more for her than he could, and
that the I did not wish to jeopardise the possibility.
"What had seemed a mere syrup confection was infinitely
more-
[The film breaks. Mike picks up Tom and stands up.]
MIKE: Maybe we're getting lucky, folks.
CROW: No, I tell you! The gibberish is what's happening in
Emma's mind, and it's going to go on for the next twenty
issues!
[Doors, somewhat foreshortened. SoL bridge:]
MIKE: Something wrong, Dr. Forrester?
[Deep 13. The ENIAC setup is smoking and hissing. Frank is
made up as a Ferengi, but seems to be getting a break from
bowl duty. Dr. F. holds a printout and seems livid.]
DR. F: I was hoping you could tell me that, Nelson. The
translator got halfway through the latest batch, and suddenly
it started printing "BITEMEBITEMEBITEME" over and over. All
my electronics are on the blink, and to top it off I just got
the bill for all this latex.
[SoL; general jubilation]
MIKE: So, uh, we don't get to read part three?
'BOTS: Yes! Woohoo! [etc.]
[Deep 13]
DR. F: [sarcastic] No, Nelson, you don't...the file was
corrupted. But just wait! There's a novel by the same
writers, using some of the same characters...I'm sure you'll
just love it. Get ready to suffer! [presses a button off-
screen]
FRANK: Steve, what does "Non-system disk or disk error" mean?
DR. F: [sputters incoherently a bit] Ohhh...push the button,
Frank.
[Fwoosh!]
[KA-THUNK! groan...]
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and
situations are trademarks of and (c) 1997 by Best Brains,
Inc. All rights reserved. Use of copyrighted and
trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no
infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks
held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
All non-original fanfic characters (c) 1997 by Marvel Comics.
MiSTed by Doug Atkinson (do...@earlham.edu)
Fanfic by Doug Atkinson and Josh Medin
Note: The third part of this really did get corrupted on my
archive disk. It *was* posted to rec.arts.comics in 1992, so
on the extremely thin chance that anyone saved a copy or
archived it somewhere, I'd appreciate hearing about it. And,
no, I'm not going to MiST the novel; it's too patchy.
Stevie: "We're not really sure... Of the ones still on
this planet, you were the only one that wasn't held
captive or involved in another team."
-------------------==== Posted via Deja News ====-----------------------
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Doug861956
What I would really like to see now is a Misting of a DC Comic because I'm more
familiar with those and would enjoy that. Or perhaps a Misting of some Star
Trek K/O (Kira/Odo) fanfic that would be nice :)
Douglas Ethington
members.aol.com/Doug861956/mst3k.html