[MSTed] 'The Io Saga' Pt. 4 of 4 [SM] [PG]
Megane 6.7
(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)
(The future isn't what it used to be....)
"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON THREE)
EPISODE 30: THE IO SAGA PT. 4
(A Sailor Moon MSTing)
MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 and Zoogz
This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering
my own ass here folks....
"Sailor Moon" is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and all the
distributors of her work.
"The Io Saga" is the property of Sarah J. Gates and she's welcome to it.
I do not intend to offend her for making fun of her work like this but I
figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as
another form of C&C. It's all meant in good fun. ;)
* * *
(Door 6: It slides open on both sides..)
(Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you move on..)
(Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.)
(Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..)
(Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and
touches the door. The door vanishes.)
(Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.)
(Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.)
Joel emerged from the light into the theater with Tom in his arms,
Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping
over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his
own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to
him, Crow sitting on his right.
Suddenly, there's a crackle of static from the loudspeaker and a familiar
voice echoes in the theater.
Makoto: AND ANOTHER THING! IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT MEN LIKE
YOU IGNORE ME, BUT YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THE CLASS TO SAY
YOU'RE LEAVING!? IS THIS HOW YOU TREAT ALL YOUR INTERVIEWS?!?
HUH?!?
Tom: Talk about emotional baggage...
Joel: <sighs> Don't worry, I'll take care of it.
(Joel reaches under his seat and pulls out a pair of wire cutters. He then
stands
up and walks over to the loudspeaker, wincing at the volume as he fiddled with
the wires and carefully snipped away until Makoto's voice mercifully faded into
an unintelligible gurgle before disappearing completely. Joel then returned to
his seat.
Joel: Poor Makoto... I still respect her though.
Crow: <muttering> Just like a man...
Joel: Pardon?
Crow: Nothing!
>S. Jupiter: I'll take care of this trash! Sparkling Wide Pressure!
><<< Sailor Jupiter's Moon Sparkling Wide pressure attack. >>>
Crow: Forgive my nitpicking... but shouldn't it be Sailor Io or Europa's
attack if it's from Jupiter's *moon*?
Joel: And what the heck does *Sparkling Wide Pressure* mean anyway?
Tom: Maybe she attacked Intsu with a Teledyne showerhead?
>Morpher Intsu: Ha! Stupid Sailor Jupiter!
Tom: <Morpher Intsu> Sparkling Wide Pressure is just for kids!
Crow: <Morpher Intsu> Hello? Anyone home? Think, McFly, think!
Did you forget everything you learned in part one already?
Tom: I wish I could forget everything in part two.
>Don't you know that you will just make me stronger by doing that?
Crow: <Sailor Jupiter> Unless I hit a gasline, sucker.
>M. Intsu absorbs all of the energy Sailor Jupiter released at him when she
>blasted him with lightning. He swells slightly and grows more muscular. Sailor
>Europa's eyes widen O.o
Tom: Until she looks remarkably like a raccoon!
Joel: <Sailor Europa> Wow! He's even more of a hunk than before!
Look at those muscles!
Crow: Aw, you know what they say about bodybuilders... they're compensating.
>Sailor Europa: Oh, ___SHOOT___! Run!
Joel: <Sailor Europa> Shout! Transform! SOMETHING!
Crow: <Sailor Mars> Why, Sailor ROBIN? Hmm? I just uncork a bit
of holy fire and he's toast!
>Morpher Intsu collects a ball of energy in his hands as the sailors start to
>scatter. He releases it and it hits the ground.
Tom: Then it bounced back up and Morpher Intsu began dribbling
and doing fancy tricks while Sweet Georgia Brown played in the
background....
Crow: Can it, Meadowlark!
Joel: Just don't ask what he puts in the bucket....
>The impact of the energy causes the sailors to be knocked off of their feet.
>Sailof Moon: Ooof.....
Tom: Sailors scattering? Scary sticky supervillians? Stay tuned!
Crow: Sail of Moon? Sounds like a cheap perfume.
Joel: Actually, it sounds Russian. "Sailov Moon, Moscow P.I."
>as the screen pans out, we see that Sailor Europa dropped her sickle near
>Morpher Intsu when she was knocked off of her feet. Morpher Intsu bends
>over to pick it up, but his hand is met by a red rose.
Joel: <Morpher Intsu> I came to say... I came to say.... I LOVE YOU, EUROPA!
All: <hums "Man in Motion">
>Tuxedo Kamen: I don't suggest you take that.
Tom: <imitates Guitar strumming>
Crow: Enter The Wuss....
>Tuxedo kamen jumps down from a tree.
Joel: So we're supposed to believe that this is the same Mamoru who
couldn't get out of ground zero fast enough in the first part?
Crow: He's been hiding up there since Part One I'll bet.
Tom: Maybe gathering his nuts?
Crow: He could use them.
>M. Intsu: How'd you get out? Oh, no matter. You can't stop me now
>that I have the energy Sailor Jupiter gave me.
Joel: <Sailor Moon> Jupiter! Quit supplying our enemies with Dew!
Tom: Wow, who knew Sailor Jupiter was so powerful?
Crow: <Sailor Jupiter> I'm Ontario Hydroelectric! Whee!
>Morpher Intsu swings an arm at Tuxedo Kamen, knocking him into a tree.
Joel: <Tuxedo Kamen> Hey, don't do that! You'll upset the Ewoks!
Crow: I wonder how many other body parts Intsu has up his sleeve....
Tom: A bicep, maybe a forearm?
Crow: Heh.
>M. Intsu grabs the sickle as Tuxedo Kamen recovers.
>T. Kamen: Itai...
Tom: <T. Kamen> Man, I can't believe I got my ass kicked by a mud
puddle! That's it! From now on, I throw the stupid rose, mutter a few
encouraging words, and then, sayonara!
>Morpher Intsu: Ha! (fades into the ground)
Joel: That quicksand will get ya everytime.
Crow: Those senshi better be careful, he's currently recruiting Mole People...
>Sailor Europa stands still. She looks slightly dumbfound and shattered.
Tom: Sooo... why did the Morphers supposedly kidnap Tux-Boy if
he was so easily defeatable?
Joel: They wanted some bishonen spice in the HQ, I guess.
>S. Io: I swear>...!
All: <singing> By the moon... and the stars... in the sky....
>If i ever se that slimy scum again I'll......!
>S. Jupiter: Calm down!
Joel: <S. Jupiter> This is no time to start speaking Spanish!
Crow: <S. Venus> GOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL!!
>S. Venus: Yeah. We know you want to get back at that guy, but you can cool
>your jets about it.
>Sailor Io: If I see anything of his, it's gonna be toast!
Joel: <S. Venus> Wow... even his matched luggage?
Tom: <Sailor Io> ESPECIALLY THE MATCHED LUGGAGE!!!
>Suddenly, Sailor Europa's uniform melts into her regular clothing. Shira
>looks down towards the ground.
Crow: <Shira> Crap... I paid fifteen hundred for that outfit... so much for the
cosplay... guess I have to find my plugsuit now...
>6. Marble room. Day.
Tom: ...six of the tournament. Nerves had long been rubbed raw,
and more than one person has slipped on the marbles and broken
their neck...
>M. Intsu fades into view and produces a sickle.
Joel: But can the sickle act?
Crow: <M. Intsu> These darned stonewashed jeans! I bought them
prefaded, and they came out looking like this!
>Morpher Inma: Very impressive. To be quite frank, I didn't think you
>could pull it off.
Tom: <M. Intsu a la Will Smith> That's the difference between you and me...
I make these jeans look GOOD.
>Morpher Intsu: Sometimes, you underestimate me *too* much.
Crow: <Morpher Inma> Well, you have to admit nine times out of
ten, they simply fry your ass and send you on your way...
Tom: So he's rendered one out of TEN senshi useless. And considering
how many of them were ALREADY useless...
>Morpher Inma: Well, either way, you still did a good job. Did you finish off
>the little brat who had the gem?
>M. Intsu: D'oh! I knew I forgot something!
Joel: <Morpher Inma> And did you stop by the store to get a gallon of milk
and a loaf of bread?
Crow: <M. Intsu> Just rub it in, why don't you.
>M. Inma: Maybe I didn't underestimate you _enough_....
>Morpher Intsu: Very funny, Inma. You just crack me up..
Crow: <M. Inma> Yep, you're just the *butt* of my jokes! Ha ha!
Joel: <Morpher Intsu> Ok, ha ha, that's enough... really.
Crow: <M. Inma> All right, but you'd better hurry up and make sure that
*cheeky* brat gets hers in the *end* or your *ass* is mine! HAW! HAW!
I KILL ME!
Joel: <Morpher Intsu> Good idea. *SWACK* Heh heh, I knew this sickle would
come in handy....
>Morpher Inma:Just go finish the job. Maybe if you do the job right, I might
>allow you to take care of Io as well.
>Morpher Intsu: Oh, joy......
Tom: <Morpher Intsu> I wonder if Arby's is still hiring?
>M. Intsu fads out of view.
>Morpher Inma: I just hope he does well. Oh, well, if he doesn't, I can always
>send Kunzite after him.
Crow: <Morpher Inma> He's messy but he always gets his man.
Joel: So the Morphers *are* associated with the Dark Kingdom?
Tom: More like a limited liability corporation.
>The sickle that Morpher Intsu left dissappears.
Crow: <Morpher Inma> A transporter beam?!? DAMN YOU, PICARD!
Joel: Yeah, it's not like that sickle could be used as a weapon against
the senshi or anything... just toss it anywhere!
>7. Int. Rei's temple. Living room. night.
>Morpher Intsu reforms in the living room of rei's temple.
Tom: <Morpher Intsu> I'm a changed man! From this day forward, I vow to use
my gooey powers for GOOD!
>The five moon senshi are scattered about, covered with different types
>of blankets.
Crow: Ooh, it's the sleepover scene!
Joel: Ah, naptime... my favorite part of Nursery School....
Tom: <Usagi> H-H-HACHOO! *sniff* I c-c-can't b-believe they s-s-stuck me
with the b-b-blanket of s-s-s-SNOW! HACHOO!!
>he spots Shoko, her braided auburn hair tied up so it won't come undone.
Joel: Funny, I pictured her as a redhead.
Crow: You too?
Tom: Tied up in a sheepshank? A hangman's knot? A granny knot?
>Then he spies shira, her short, blond hair down about her shoulders. She
>us sitting up looking at the moon.
Crow: <Usagi> What? Is there something on my face?
Tom: 8. Int. Author's Computer Room. night. Author's been typing for six hours
straight and it shows. Author considers calling it a night briefly. Then with
only her raw determination and a half empty can of Cherry Coke, she presses
forward, determined to finish before the light of dawn....
Joel: Gotta respect her work ethic.
>Shira: I've failed you, Queen Serenity. I've let my enemies get my gem, and
>now I can't fight. I'm so sorry. (she sounds like she is about to cry)
Joel: <Author> No, really! She does! Trust me on this one!
Crow: <Shira> *sniff* W-What good are these hands of mine if they can't grip a
weapon?!? S-Sure, I can play the piano... but... never again to be able to
disembowel someone... <sob>....
>Morpher Intsu walks up behind her.
>M. Intsu: The fact that you failed your Queen is not half your problems!
Tom: <M. Intsu> I mean, look at that hair! I feel like I should call the ASPCH
and report you for attempted second degree perming! And those shoes! Ugh!
Ugh! Somebody tell this girl the 90's are over and it's time to move forward
into the twenty-first cen-tur-ee!! HEL-LO!!!
>Shira turns around slowly and goes wide eyed O.o as Morpher Intsu prepares
>to strike.
>Shiar: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa
Crow: <Shira> ...aaaaaaaah, who am I kidding? I'm not scared of this dork.
>AAAAAAAAAH!
Joel: Oh, just say Megami-Sama and get it over with!
Tom: Another successful root canal, performed by Intsu!
Crow: Too bad Shira wasn't a Crest kid....
>There is a flash near the moon and a glowing object falls next to shira. She
>picks it up and hears a voice,
Joel: <glowing object> Shira! Heed my words! I am Foam!
Crow: <Shira> The legendary Amazon Queen? Or just another brand of
shaving cream?
>Queen Serinity.
Tom: Ah yes, Queen Serinity, Ruler of the Moan Kingdom.
All: <giggles>
>Queen Serenity: This is your new gem. Use it and the new power that comes
>with it wisely. Say "Europa Gem Power, Make Up", as you always do, and
>say "Europa tigers claw", as you always do, and I will give you further
>instructions on how to use it's power.
Crow: <Queen Serenity> Then when you screw up and lose the gem, as you
always do, I'll provide you with another one and we'll go through this whole
explanation again!
Tom: Ah, the RPG mini-game syndrome.
Joel: What's the gem THIS time, talc? Gypsum? Gneiss? Shale?
>Shira picks up the gem and nods to herself.
Joel: <Shira> Rhinestone... geez, your highness, why not just dress me
up like a cowgirl and call me Sailor Dolly?
>Shira: Europa Gem Power, Make Up!
>Shira holds up her gem. Her leotard part of her uniform forms in a flash of
>lightning. Then her gloves with the same effect, and her boots. The whole
>screen flashes and the ribbon on her back, her skirt, her shoes, and her
>earrings are all there. She places the gem on her forehead and her tiara
>forms around it.
All: <applaud>
Crow: Now THAT'S how you do a typical transformation sequence!
>She smiles and strikes a pose.
Tom: All right! Thank you, Sailor Pinup! Woo woo!
Crow: She can decorate my room anyday.
Joel: Ehh, she can't hold a candle to Makoto.
Crow: With or without the therapy?
>Morpher Intsu: Eh? I took your gem,! You can't transform!
>Sailor Europa: I can and I did! Europa Tigers Claw!
Tom: <Rei> So, having fun yet, Europa? Do you want to continue or
should I transform and play crispy critter?
Joel: Intsu's getting so flustered, he's double-punctuating.
Crow: Either that or lapsing into his native Canadian.
Joel: <Morpher Intsu> Hey, you gas huffer! Dat's like no good, eh?
>Sailor Europa removes her whol Tiara as it turns into a glob of gook.
All: <stare at the screen>
Joel: Come again?
Crow: Dare we ask?
Tom: Dr. Thinker strikes again!
>It then reforms as a sickle with a hnadle made of tiger-eye and a hook of gold.
>Queen Serenity: Now, say "Jupiter Lightning Charge!"
Tom: It worked SO well last time, let's try it again!
Joel: <Makoto> HEY! HEY there! Why's she getting MY attacks?!?
Crow: <Rei> Yoo-hoo... remember, fry and they die? Well, if you need me,
I'll be in the can....
>S. Europa: Now I'm going to make sure you don't do this to any more of my
>friends! Jupiter Lightning Charge!
Joel: <Makoto> *snort* Hope you electrocute yourself, you power stealing,
no-talent hack!
Crow: Doesn't this fall under the purview of the United Sisterhood of Senshi
Local #387?
>Sailor Europa holds sickle above her head. A bolt of lightning strikes it.
Tom: <Sailor Europa> ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHH!!
Crow: That's the last time she listens to Foamy.
Joel: <shakes his head> Should've worn her rubber boots today.
>It glows, crackling with electricity, but Sailor Europa seems unharmed.
>She slashes at Morpher Intsu and hits. Some of the electricity is transfered
>to him.
>M. Intsu: Argh!
Crow: <M. Intsu> Why ya salty sea bitch! I'll rip out yer gizzard for that!
Tom: Um, exactly what makes THIS energy attack any different from the
energy attack she used on Intsu before? Other than the fact that this attack
looks to be a lot stronger and since Intsu feeds off energy, should only boost
his power even further?
Joel: <shrugs> Maybe Intsu has the power of memory removal?
>This noise wakes up Shoko who rubs her eyes. she feels around for her gem
>and finds it. she stands up tiredly and holds up her opal.
Crow: <Shoko> Oh. Intsu is attacking us. Anybody seen my brush?
Tom: So are the rest of the senshi still sleeping then?
Joel: Boy, that marathon hide and seeking REALLY took it out of them.
Crow: Good thing they're not reconstructing the Moon Palace.
Joel: Yeah, whatever happened to Sailor Calypso anyway?
Tom: She's marching to the beat of a different steeldrum.
>Shoko: Io gem power (yawns) make up...
><<< Typical sailor Io transformarion. >>>
Crow: ...will not be seen tonight so instead here's some suggestive pictures of
Optimus Prime.
>Sailor Io: (yawns) Okay, morpher, you're not going to get a(yawn)way
>with waking me up! Io opal staff.
Crow: <Sailor Io> Threatening the lives of my friends and home is one
thing but waking me up out of a sound sleep... NOW, IT'S PERSONAL.
>Sailor Io turns her gem into her staff.
Tom: <Sailor Io> All right, guys. We've got twenty-four hours to close
the Johnson account! Load up the coffee machine and tuck in the kids
cause it's time to set the midnight oil aflame!
Joel: The Io Saga! The only Sailor Moon 'fic with the courage to sail the
wide Accountant Sea!
>Sailor Io charges Morpher iNtsu with her staff head-on. Morpher Intsu
>manages to dogde, but is caught by Sailor Europa.
Crow: <Sailor Europa> Gotcha! Now I'm gonna turn you into my own
personal mudbath!
Tom: <Morpher Intsu> Never! I'll fight you to the last... sayyyyy, wait
a minute....
>She shoves him out the door, and he rolls around on the ground.
Bots: <singing> He don't like to fight, he don't like to scuffle... he dances
all night, doin' the Curly Shuffle!
Joel: <Sailor Europa> Oh, a wise guy, eh?
>Sailor Io and Europa jump down, intending to finish the fight.
Crow: ...and the fic, he said hopefully.
>Sailor Io: We can do this the easy way...
>Sailor Europa: ....Or the hard way.
>Sailor Io: Your choice.
Joel: <Sailor Mars> I'm guessing I'm the easy way then?
Tom: <Sailor Europa> But please pick the hard way, I need the aerobic
exercise!
>Morpher intsu: I'd much rather have the hard way.
Tom: <Morpher Intsu> Yep, just keep throwing those energy boost... uh, I mean,
DRAINING attacks at me till I go down! Heh heh heh....
Crow: Yeah, when the goo wants you to use the hard way, warning!
>Sailor Europa: Okay then! One hard way coming right up!
Tom: <Morpher Intsu> And can I have a tough love combo meal as well?
Joel: <Sailor Mars> Do you want to be fried... I mean, fries with that?
Crow: Did Mamoru remember to run away yet?
>Sailor Europa swings her sickle at M. Intsu as if to chop him down like a bit
>of wheat in a field.
Crow: <Author> Which is ironic since that's what a sickle is designed to do!
Cool, huh?
Joel: A bit of wheat? Like a Shreddie?
Tom: This author needs a thesaurus, stat!
>He carefully molds himself so that there is an empty space where the sickle is
>moving.
Joel: He's mold? Eww! Get the Lysol!
Crow: <M. Intsu> Impressed? I pick up that little trick from Clayface!
>M. Intsu: Is that the _best_ you can do, Sailor Europa?
Tom: <Sailor Europa> Aw, cram it, Odo!
Joel: <Sailor Europa> Actually, that was my C- effort. I have a lighter
though... want me to go for an A+?
>Sailor Io: We haven't (gets cut off as Morpher Intsu tosses her aside with a
>molded tendril)... Itai..
Tom: <Sailor Io> If you tsutsuku us, do we not shukketsu suru? If you
kusuguru us, do we not warau? If you ni doku o moru us, do we not shinu?
And if you ni gai o ataeru us, shall we not want houfuku?
Crow: When gratuitous Japanese goes HORRIBLY wrong....
>Sailor Europa looks over at her fallen sister.
>S. Europa: Io! Are you okay? Aah! (she falls down to the ground as morpher
>Intsu pulls her feet out from under her with his tendrils.) Ooof...
Tom: <Sailor Io> No, no! It's *Itai*! Get it right!
Joel: Man, those tendrils are a force to be reckoned with!
>Morpher Intsu molds even more tendrils and picks up each sailor. He
>squeezes them both, tightening his grip.
Crow: Great, suddenly we're reading Urotsukidoji... or La Blue Girl... or
Nightmare Campus or Demon Beast or Twin Dolls or....
Joel: Don't tell me you actually LIKE tentacle hentais?
Crow: Why, yes, Joel! In fact, every derogatory comment I've ever made about
them in the past was all a ruse to lull you into a false sense of security
before I
finally admitted the truth here and now!
Tom: Are you now or have you ever lusted after Gypsy then, Crow?
Crow: <bigsweats> Err... no comment!
>Sailor Europa, still holding a lightning charged sickle,
Tom: ...began waving it back and forth as the crowd screamed for an encore.
Crow: <Sailor Europa> Yeah, Slayer! WOO!
>tries to touch the hook of it to a tendril. carefully sliding it down, she
>manages to touch it. the lightning travels from the sickle to the tendril,
>and on to Morpher Intsu's body
Joel: ...using capital letters as fuel during the long journey.
Tom: And this had been another episode of "Mr. Wizard". Next week: growing
a terrarium!
>This transfere continues until Morpher Intsu unwraps his tendrils from
>around Io and europa.
>Morpher Intsu: Aaaarg!
Joel: Okay, who's got the next pirate riff?
Tom: <Morpher Intsu> Aaaarg matey, if'n ya keep yer lips sealed an' make
me find ya special treasure, I won't keelhaul ya!
Joel: There's something about the way you said that....
Tom: <whistles innocently>
>Sailor Io: Now for my idea of fun! (she brings her staff crashing down on
>Morph-
>er Intsu's head)
>Morpher Intsu: Ouch...!
Crow: <Sailor Io> And this is my idea of mirth! *BONK!* And my
idea of pleasure! *CRASH!* And, oh yes, my idea of breakfast!
*SNAP, CRACK, POP!*
Tom: Funny, it sounds like Venus chewing gum to me.
>Sailor Europa starts to run around morpher Intsu as Sailor Io keeps him
>preocu-
>pied. She hacks at each tendril and avoids them when they try to grab her.
>Sailor Io: Hey! Where'd you learn that trick?
Joel: <Sailor Europa> Better Homes and Demon Gardens.
>S. Europa: After not having the luxury of my spirit being sent to the future,
>living in battle, and being reincarnated ten times over, you learn things.
Crow: Yeah, like how and when to brag.
Tom: Things like... the capital of North Dakota.
Joel: <S. Europa> After all, you don't learn anything LIVING in battle!
>Sailor Io nods.
>S. Io: Yes. You sure do.
Tom: <S. Io> Yeah. Definitely. I'm an excellent driver. Yeah.
Crow: <S. Io> I was wondering... During which reincarnation did you learn how
to kiss my ass?
Joel: <S. Europa> The fourth, right about the time I learned how to slap that
smart mouth.
Crow: <S. Io> Rrrrrowl!
Joel: <S. Europa> Ffttt!
>8. Marble room. Day.
Tom: Lack of descriptive prose. Dull.
>Morpher Inma: Hmm... I sense that another force, related to the Dark
>Kingdom is here. Kunzite, could you go take a look at it?
Joel: <Kunzite> What? Am I wearing a Red Shirt again?
Crow: <Kunzite> Sure thing, it's probably just that Obi-Wan brat. "Ooh,
my master's dead! I have to train the chosen one!" What a geek.
>Kunzite steps forward and nods.
>Kunzite: Yes, Mistress.
>Kunzite then dissappears into thin air.
Tom: Therefore making it thick air.
Crow: <Kunzite> Look at this! Capture that! Cripes, at this rate I'll
never get any quality time with Zoysite!
>9. int. Room filled with mirrors. Day.
Joel: Aww, they're just reusing the set from "Enter the Dragon".
Tom: I'm sensing a lot of bad luck in Kunzite's future.
>Ruebeus: Petz, could you do me a favor?
>Petz emerges from a mirror.
>Petz: Sure. What do you need?
Tom: <Petz> More glass, boss?
Joel: <Ruebeus> What the heck do we have to do with this story again?
Crow: <Petz> I dunno. Maybe we're just cameoish atmosphere. Like
Geese Howard's pointless appearance in Fatal Fury 2....
Joel: <Ruebeus> Well, would the author mind pulling the plug on this
"Art in the Park" production? I don't think these people are buying all
these new senshi....
Tom: <Petz> Buying? They'll be lucky to unload them at a garage sale.
>Ruebeus: I need you to take a look at an energy surge. It seems to be related
>to the Dark Kingdom, but we can never be too careful about who we trust.
Crow: <Ruebeus> It was caused by a worker in sector 7-G.
Tom: <Petz> Fine. What does an energy surge look like, anyway?
>Petz: Of course. I'll go take a look at it right away.
>Petz steps back into the mirror.
Joel: Oh, what is he? Candyman?
Crow: And now Petz and Reuben will reenact a scene from "Duck Soup."
>10. Ext. Rei's Temple. Night.
Joel: Is it just me or are the scenes getting shorter?
Tom: <Rei> Let's play more hide and seek!
Crow: <Author> Ok, Cue scene 11! Shopping Mall food court! Day!
Joel: <Makoto> I'm still bored.
Crow: <Author> Good, on to scene 12! Marble Room! Day!
Tom: <Morpher Inma> *yawn*
Crow: <Author> Scene 13! Come on, pick it up, pick it up!
>Petz appears out of nowhere, right in the middle of the battle between the two
>sisters and Morpher Intsu.
Tom: Sailor Nun?
Crow: And after all three of their most powerful attacks slammed into Petz, he
collapsed, a charred skeleton on the floor.
Joel: Therefore learning the moral that everyone should know at an early
age... NEVER get in the middle of Ann Landers and Dear Abby having a
discussion....
>Right now, Io and Europa are bruised and banged up a bit,
Crow: We missed a lemon scene?
Joel: Actually, we missed the Crash of the Moons.
Tom: That's what happens when your orbit decays....
>but they seem to be okay, compared to Morpher Intsu. As Petz arrives,
>the commosion slows down a bit as they all look at her hovering in air.
Tom: <Sailor Io> Whoa... I see London, I see France....
Joel: How did she get there? Is there a mirror in mid-air?
Crow: Of course. That's why the sky is blue, it reflects the sea.
>Petz: (Thought) Hmmm... Definately from the Dark Kingdom..
>Sailor Io: Who're you, green haired, poor excuse for Dark Kingdom waste?
Crow: Apparently, witty dialogue wasn't one of the things Team Io
learned after ten resurrections.
Joel: <Sailor Io> She's got GREEN hair! She must be from the Dark Kingdom!
Crow: Tell that to Setsuna.
>Petz: I'm Petz, you annoying little brat!
Tom: <Chibi-Usa> Huh? Somebody calling me?
>Sailor Europa: *whistle* man, somebody here needs a nap.
Joel: Hey, come on, don't taunt the author like that. She's stuck by you
this far, hasn't she?
Tom: <Sailor Io> *yawn* H-hey, shut up... I'm staying awake... *yawn*...
the best I... I... Zzzzzzzzzzz....
Crow: Speaking of naps, where are the rest of the Senshi? Did they just
vanish or what?
Joel: Maybe the author couldn't pay them and they walked off the fanfic?
>During this time, a scorched, bruised and slashed Morpher Intsu heals a little
>and reforms as a giant tiger, ready to pounce the two sailors.
Tom: <Morpher Intsu> Eat my frosted flakes, senshi! EAT EM! Don't they taste
GRRRRRREAT?!?
Joel: <Sailor Io> OK, maybe it wasn't a good idea to taunt Petz with my witty
comebacks for an entire hour while Intsu was healing and transforming into a
giantTIGERTHATISABOUTTOATTACK! RUN, EUROPA!
>Now, Kunzite appears.
Joel: ...right under the tiger.
Tom: <Kunzite> Strange... why is everything so warm and furry and...
AHHHHHHHH!!!
>Sailor Europa: What is it today? Wierdo-o-rama fest?
Crow: <Kunzite> I'm a weirdo? Have you seen how YOU'RE dressed?
Joel: <Sailor Io> I'm not a weirdo! And in the name of Io, I will punish
you... er... heheh... um... you're under arrest?
>Kunzite: Ha ha. I'm here on order of Morpher Inma to take a look at the power
>source that she detected.
>Morpher Intsu pounces, and since Sailor Io and Europa duck, he pounces
>Kunzite, who was standing behind the two.
All: <Muted trumpet imitation> Wah-wah-wah-wahhhhhh
Joel: <Kunzite> I am sorry, but my heart belongs to another.
Crow: <Morpher Intsu> It's not your heart that I'm after!
Joel: <Kunzite> Eep!
>Kunzite: I didn't know you cared....
>Morpher Intsu reforms as a human.
>M. Intsu: I _don't_.
Joel: <Petz> Umm, hello? Remember me? Mind taking a roll call, fanfic?
>Morpher Intsu brushes himself off and gets up.
>Petz: Ahem.. I'd like... (gets cut off)
Joel: <Petz> Hey! *HONK* Learn how to drive, idiot! *HONK*
Tom: <Petz> Are we finished? Hmm? As I was saying, I'll take a double
cheeseburger, fries, small Sprite and....
>Sailor Io walks up to Kunzite and nudges him with her elbow.
>Sailor Io: (stage whispered to Kunzite) He does care, he's just trying to hide
>it from you...
>S. Europa walks up to M.Intsu and nudges him with her elbow.
>Sailor Europa: (stage whispered to M. Intsu) He hates your guts, he just
>doesn't want you to know....
Crow: Know what I mean, nudge nudge?
Tom: What the HELL is this? Loveline with Adam Io and Dr. Drew Europa?!?
Joel: Stage whispers... this IS a community theater massacre!
>Morpher Intsu walks up to Kunzite. He clenches his fist.
>Kunzite: You do care!
>Morpher Intsu: (while Kunzite is talking) You hate me!
Tom: <Kunzite> And you ALWAYS talk when I'm talking! I HATE THAT!
Joel: <Morpher Intsu> YOU NEVER LOVED ME!!! YOU NEVER... <sob>...
L-LOVED ME... <sob> <whimper> <sob>....
Crow: <sighs> At this point, the fanfic has decided to forgo the throwing
up of the hands bit and just quietly stick its head into a wood chipper.
>Morpher Intsu throws a punch at Kunzite. They start to argue.
Tom: Just another day on the Jerry Springer show.
Crow: <Kunzite> You call that a punch? A dairy farmer could hit harder
than that! My nose isn't even bleeding!
Joel: <Morpher Intsu> Yeah... well... my dad can beat up your mom!
>Petz: (as she stomps her foot in the air) _DO YOU MIND?!?!_
>The two stop arguing and look up at Petz.
>M. Intsu and Kunzite: (in unison) what?
>Petz: I'd like to ask you a few questions...
Joel: <Petz> Why is the author turning this into a farce?
Crow: <Petz> How much wood would a woodchuck chuck....
Tom: <Petz> Does the author give a rat's behind about me at all?
Joel: <Mars> The author DOES care, she just forgot about you...
Tom: <Petz> Oh! Oh. that's... good to know... really.
>Kunzite: Oh. What do you want to know?
>Petz points to Morpher Intsu.
>petz: For one, who are you?
<All groan loudly>
Joel: It's official... the fic has come around full circle... then again a
little
smaller... repeating over and over... until the story is completed flushed
down the literary toilet.
Tom: Nice imagery, Joel.
Crow: I'll man the plunger.
>M. Intsu: Who, me? I'm Morpher Intsu of the Dark Kingdom.
Joel: <Morpher Intsu> Why, don't you recognize me? I'm a worldwide known
villain and star of innumerable Sailor Moon fanfics, like... er... I know!
Wait, no, that wasn't me... uh... uh... wait, just give me a minute... uh...
Tom: Well, since his driver's license has a picture of goo, I can't imagine Petz
drawing a distinction between him and mildew.
>Petz: (thought) Ruebeus was right, it is related to the Dark Kingdom...
>Kunzite: is that all?
Crow: <Kunzite> AS YOU WERE, PRIVATE!
Joel: <M. Intsu> Where were we again?
Tom: <Kunzite> Debating each other's mortality as two Sailor Senshi
look on. How's the popcorn, girls?
Crow: <Sailor Europa> We wouldn't know. Usagi finished the bag.
Joel: <Usagi> *Gargg gargg gargg gargg*... Needs more salt! *Gargg gargg
gargg gargg*...
>Petz nods and fadees out. The arguement picks up again. Sailor Io and
>Europa giggle uncontrolably in the background.
Joel: Sailor Io and Europa! Spreading the seeds of discontent for over fifteen
hundred years!
Crow: <Sailor Europa> We may not have the senshi's original powers, but boy
are we naughty!
Tom: <Sailor Io> If not for us, there might have been a Golden Millennium!
Sailor Io says! <giggles>
<<< Typicla SM ending. >>>
Crow: With new crappier spelling!
Tom: Whew! It's over! It's finally over! We can stick a fork in this fic,
cause it's done, done, DONE!
Joel: And remember, folks, help control the pet population. Have your Petz
spayed or neutered!
Crow: Can it, Bob Barker.
<<< The opening song runs. >>>
Tom: <horrified> OH MY GOD! IT'S NOT OVER! IT'S *STARTING
OVER*!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! <starts vibrating violently>
Joel: Yikes! We'd better get Tom out of here before he reaches ground zero!
Crow: Right! Let's burn rubber, baby!
(Crow takes off like a shot out of the theater while Joel struggles to keep a
firm grip on the vibrating Tom as he rushes after him.)
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
Small wisps of steam continued to rise from Tom's body as Crow
frantically flapped a towel in his direction while Joel pressed ice packs
against
his body.
"Are you feeling better now, Tommy?" Joel inquired.
"Y-Yeah... I think I'll be okay now. Sorry if I scared you guys...."
Tom apologized.
"Hey, it was a long fic, we understand." Crow replied. "I'm just
glad I didn't have to put on that damn waffle suit again."
"So, Tom, do you feel up to analyzing the second chapter with Crow
and I or would you rather sit this one out?"
"Nah, I think I can handle a little analysis." Tom replied confidently.
"OK, I'll go first...." Joel took a deep breath before continuing. "The
first part, despite its grammar flaws and gratuitous Japanese, has some
promising stuff nonetheless. A new enemy, a new band of sailor senshi with a
cause and somewhat of a history. It looked like the beginning of what could
have been a good series."
"But then in Chapter Two, the author seemed to run out of ideas. She
introduced Team Charon in the opening scene and then never mentioned them
again. Then after a few padded scenes, we're told Mamoru was kidnapped
and replaced with Morpher Intsu despite no solid evidence *whatsoever* of
Mamoru's kidnapping or details of his escape! And when Mamoru does get a
chance to fight, he's swatted aside like a fly!" Crow continued.
"Yeah, and getting back to Morpher Intsu, all the author had to do
was give a somewhat plausible reason like 'I've got a magic amulet that
protects me from fire!' or 'I've covered myself head to toe with asbestos!' to
explain why Sailor Mars didn't simply fry his ass again... but nothing doing,"
Tom added sadly.
"Come to think of it, didn't Morpher Inma say in the first part that
she was going to summon allies from the Underworld? Why not use THEM
against the senshi? And what's up with that ending?" Crow wondered.
"Well, I'm just guessing here, but I think the author knew the story was
in serious trouble at this point and decided to get silly at the end. Since
there's
no mention of a chapter three, I guess she gave up on the story entirely."
Joel remarked.
"Still, you have to admire her incredibly accurate portrayal of Tux-boy.
She smelled the wuss on him coming a mile away and just ran with that ball
right to the end zone!" Crow laughed.
"Hey, you're right! I almost forgot to thank her for that! Thanks, Sarah!"
Tom replied happily.
"Yeah, I think Sarah deserves a ramchip! In fact, we'll gladly eat a few
in your honor! What do you say, Joel?" Crow offered.
Joel shook his head and smiled. "You guys crack me up...." he remarked
as the red light began flashing on the counter. "What do ya think, sirs?"
* * *
DEEP 13
Dr. Forrester's face had gone purple, his teeth clenched tightly and
his eyes bulging out as he grabbed a nearby phone book and after several
violent tugged, managed to rip it in half. He gasped with exertion for several
moments as he glared at the viewscreen.
"You've won this round, Robinson... but don't think you've seen the last
of Dr. Clayton Forrester! No way! One day I'm going to finally find the fanfic
to
break you and the ultimate triumph WILL be mine!"
"Hey, whatever you say, Morpher Intsu!" Joel replied cheerfully.
"OH, GO SUCK A LOADPAN!" Dr. Forrester retorted as he slammed his
hand down on the button.
...AND THE MSTINGS
CONTINUE...
I hope you enjoyed this and C&C is very welcome. (mega...@home.com)
Author's Notes: Greetings! I just want to apologize for taking so long to get
back to a solo MSTing. The last few months I've been helping out with various
FFIRC collaborations and they've been a blast! (Except for editing, of
course.;P) You can find these collaborations on the 'MSTing For All Seasons'
webpage http://www.nabiki.com/mst, which was set up by my good friend
Zoogz and contains revised versions of all of my previous MSTings, fanfics,
and MSTing collaborations, as well as, 'The FFIRC MST Archive' and 'Zoogz's
Annex'. Also, I'm looking over a couple of fics for the first MSTing of Season
Four and hopefully it shouldn't take as long as this one did. :)
I've been MSTing for almost four years now and I want to thank each and
every person who's send me words of support and encouragement and
who have helped me throughout these last three years. I treasure every
piece of fan mail I receive and I consider it a great honor that some
people have dedicated their MSTings to me and tell me that I helped
encourage them to start MSTing. To all of you, thank you from the
bottom of my heart and I hope I can continue to inspire and make you
laugh for a long time to come. :)
I'd like to give personal thanks to Zoogz, who helped me with some
in-depth C&C and suggested many riffs for this MSTing. He is a very
funny and talented author and you can find his works at his new webpage
http://www.nav.to/Zoogz including his Utena MSTing 'Ma Vie et Roses'.
He is currently working on a new Ah! My Goddess MSTing called
'Keiichi's Bloody Sunday' and an original fanfic called 'Point Source', both
of them coming soon to a fanfiction archive near you!
Also, I'd like to give personal thanks, once again, to Gary Kleppe, whose
C&C and suggestions are always appreciated. I can't say enough nice
things about this guy! :) If you haven't had a chance to check out his
latest works 'The Ghost Prison' and 'For a Dying Friend', you can reach
him at kle...@mediaone.net or his new webpage at
http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html and I'm sure he'll be happy
to send the story along to you.
Finally I'd like to thank Sarah J. Gates for writing 'The Io Saga' and
giving me a lot of material to work with. I hope you're not offended.
It's all meant in good fun. :)
'A MSTing for All Seasons'
http://www.nabiki.com/mst
Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/
Shizen's Versatile Home Page V3.0
http://svhp.webjump.com/
(Alternate site: http://www.tass.org/fanfic/MST3k/)
SEASON ONE
------------------
101- "GAMES" by Artemis (SM Lemon)
102- "ARTEMIS'S LOVER" (Original Draft) by Oscar (SM Lemon)
103- "SAILOR JUPITER VS. GODZILLA" by The Flashman
(SM/GODZILLA CROSSOVER)
104- "JUDGE BRAINITITE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic)
w/short "RANMA 1/2: ACCUSED PT. 1" by Karmin (R1/2 Fanfic)
105- "THE WAR" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic)
106- "TRANSITIONS" by Richard Lawson (Nuku Nuku Fanfic)
107- "HELLRAISERS" (Original Draft) by Aaron Eaton
(La Blue Girl/Overfiend/Original Crossover)
108- "MEN OF BOKKEN" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic)
109- "BISHOUJO SENSHI ROYAL RUMBLE" by Ken Hoinsky
(SM/WWF Crossover)
w/short "THE DINNER PARTY" by Chris Curzon (SM/RL Crossover)
110- "XMAS SPECIAL: SAILOR MOON MEETS FATHER
CHRISTMAS" by Dr. Thinker (SM Christmas Fanfic)
SEASON TWO
-------------------
201- "THAT GIRL" PT. 1-2 by Oscar (SM Lemon)
202- "VIRGIN WARRIOR SAILOR MOON" by Umino (SM Lemon)
203- "*R*P*M*" by Flynn (SM/SPAWN Crossover)
204- "RANKO'S LIFE" PT. 1-2 by Hitomi Ichinohei (R1/2 Fanfic)
205- "TRAPPED" by Mr_Jazz (SM Lemon)
206- "OSCAR TOON" PT. 1-4 by Oscar (SM/DBZ/WB Crossover)
207- "CALIFORNIA DREAMING" by Shakari (Mutiple Crossovers)
208- "A RANMA 1/2 FANFIC" PT. 1-2 by Sheep (R1/2 Fanfic)
209- "TRIANGLE TANGLE" by CATS (SM Lemon)
210- "THE KIDNAPPING" PT. 1-2 by SMendou (UY Lemon)
SEASON THREE
----------------------
301- "A WET DREAM COME TRUE" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Lemon)
302- "TORTURED ECHO" PT. 1-4 by Trakal (R1/2 Fanfic)
303- "RANMA KILLS!" PT. 1-2 by Sir Asayogure (R1/2 Fanfic)
304- "OKONOMIYAKI SUMMER" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Fanfic)
w/short "UNDER THE MISTLETOE" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Fanfic)
305- "XMAS SPECIAL: A CHRISTMAS FIT FOR A POKEMON"
by Dr. Thinker (Pokemon Christmas Fanfic)
306- "9-BALL DREAMS" PT. 1-2 by Mr_Jazz (SM Crossover Lemon)
307- "WINTER" by Joseph Palmer (R1/2 Fanfic)
308- "UKYO GETS WHAT SHE DESERVES" PT. 1-2 by R_Vincent
(R1/2 Lemon)
309- "I WANT TO MEET A PRINCE LIKE DEAR OLD DAD, MOM,
SIS, BRO & FRISKY!" by Katherine (Utena Lemon)
310- "THE IO SAGA" PT. 1-4 by Sarah J. Gates (SM Fanfic)
SHORTY!
-------------
101- SUBLIMINALLY SEDUCE WOMEN INSTANTLY!
102- THE UGLIEST WOMEN ON THE NET!
103- PHEROMONES!
104- THE INTERNET SPY AND YOU!!
105- THE SECRET FLAW!
OTHER MSTINGS I'VE CONTRIBUTED TO
---------------------------------------------------------
"DIMISIONAL TROUBLE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic)
"MOONDUSTED" by Stephen Ratliff (SM/TNG Crossover)
Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/
"THE COUNTESS CHRONICLES" by Lin Lin (SM Dark Lemon)
"9 1/2 CHIPMUNKS" by Toon Dreams (Rescue Rangers Yaoi Lemon)
Lefty's MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/MSTings/index.htm
'MYSTERY WRESTLING THEATER 3000', POST 105: DOUBLE TROUBLE!
(Two interviews with the Ultimate Warrior and '3:16 Rulzs!' by Oracle)
Website Number 9 MSTings
http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml
"THE DAY OF EMERGANCE" by Jeffrey Lee
(Ranma 1/2/Eddings/SM Crossover)
Gary Kleppe's Comics and Manga Page
http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html
*New Collaberations*
"REDHEADS" by Robert "Kenko" Haynie
(Slayers/Ranma 1/2 Crossover)
"WILD SILVER" by Francis Bourque
(Sailor Moon/Ranma 1/2 Crossover)
"RELATIONSHIPS" by Sidewinder
(Neon Genesis Evangelion/Sailor Moon Crossover)
The FFIRC MST Archive
http://www.nabiki.com/mst/ffirc/
OTHER GREAT WEBPAGES WORTH VISITING
Zoogz's Fanfiction and Fandom Page
http://www.nav.to/Zoogz
The Homepage of Jeffrey "Oneshot"Wong
http://www.anime.sobhrach.com\~jeffwong\index.html
'SuicideBlast' by: Keener
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/3342/Suicide.html
Additional links for Keener's stuff
-- http://tmffa.com/
-- http://www.redrival.com/myrriden/index.html
Flashman's Flash Point
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/3105/
JOLT!!!
http://members.home.net/jolt.caffiene/welcome.htm
Website Number 9 MSTings
http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml
Lord Carnage's Cursed Fanboys Page!
http://carnage.fanfic.org
A Sailor Moon Romance
http://moonromance.simplenet.com/
Zen's Fanfiction Page
http://www.mindspring.com/~databank/fanfics.html
Webdragon's Lair
http://members.tripod.com/~WebDragon/
Sean Gaffney's Webpage
http://www.thekeep.org/~sean/index.html
">Sailor Mercury: Umm, do you mind telling us what is going on?"
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 2001 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights
reserved.
Keep Circulating the Fanfics....
dooniskey
Megane 6.7 <mega...@home.com> wrote in message
news:sP6y6.138608$x27.7...@news1.rdc2.on.home.com...
> *TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*>
>
> Tom: Then it bounced back up and Morpher Intsu began dribbling
> and doing fancy tricks while Sweet Georgia Brown played in the
> background....
>
> Crow: Can it, Meadowlark
and the Schmetterling sang an aria, content in the fact that everyone around
him was getting stage fright