[MSTing] Meine Erste MSTing-Darians untold Temper
Rebo1234
back...I love writing these!
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Darians untold Temper
MSTing By: Rebo Valence
Well, folks, this is my first attempt at a true MSTing. For about two
years, I have been doing them with the character of eViL rEbO, before I
even knew that real MSTings existed. Since watching MST3K finally and
becoming a MSTie, I have been ITCHING to do a true MSTing, using the
guys from the show. So forgive me if I'm not quite as good with these
guys as some of the others. But I do have some experience, so it can't
be too bad:P
This would be in the continuity somewhere after Season 9, obviously.
The one I'm most familiar with.
==================================
SATELLITE OF LOVE
[CROW is standing up on a podium. On this podium hangs a poster of
himself, only dressed up as Uncle Sam, with the words "Uncle Crow wants
YOU!" on it. CROW himself is wearing a typical election hat, and a badge
that reads simply "CROW!" Red, white, and blue streamers are hung around
the room. TOM, wearing a similar hat, watches him speak.]
CROW: ...and if I am elected President, I promise to end the EXPLOITATION
of innocent rabbits in the name of profit! No more! Read my lips!
TOM: Wait, Crow, I think somebody used that one before.
CROW: Oh, shoot...how about "AMERICA! Vote change!"
TOM: Nope, that's alreaby been used, and boy did things change all
right.
CROW: Oh well, I guess I'll just have to continue on with the rest
of this speech then...
[MIKE enters]
MIKE: Hey, what are you guys up to?
CROW: Well, the 2000 election is coming up in a few months, and I've
decided that I'm going to throw my hat in for the race!
MIKE: Really? So, what party?
CROW: Well, first I thought Republican, but not after all that rap with
the scandals, which is also why I decided not to be Democrat, and I've
found the other political organizations do not fit the needs of the
American public! Thus, I'm running in the brand-new "Debug Party."
MIKE: Ahhhh, I see...but Crow, don't you have to stay on Earth to
run?
CROW: Oh, don't worry, Mike! I'll make it there soon enough!
TOM: But right now, we need to work on Crow's campaign first.
MIKE: So, you're his campaign manager, right?
TOM: Yes! Would you like to make a donation to the "Debug Party?"
MIKE: Well, ummmm...
[MIKE fidgets]
Hey, Crow, let's hear some more of that speech!
CROW: Okay then...and furthermore, those SCUM behind the harassment
of innocent dough people will finally come to an end! Every citizen
of this country has the right to live in a country free from the fear
of a malicious hand tickling them for NO REASON!
MIKE: [speechless] Hey...Pearl's calling...
CROW: Oh, not in the middle of my speech! Damn!
CASTLE FORRESTER
[The Castle is covered in a similar style as the Satellite of Love, only
the many posters covering the walls read "Pearl Forrester-For A Better
Future: MINE" PEARL is wearing an election hat as well as a red white
and blue bowtie, and holding a white cane in her hand.]
PEARL: Why, hello, NEILSON! I see you've gotten word of my new strategy
of World Domination-By becoming PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!
SATELLITE OF LOVE
CROW: HEY! No fair! She stole my idea!
CASTLE FORRESTER
PEARL: Oh, are you going to run too? [cackles] Tough break! I'll CRUSH
you come Election Day, tin head!
SATELLITE OF LOVE
CROW: Oh yea?!
CASTLE FORRESTER:
PEARL: Yea! Well then, I'll just come up with a plan to get RID of you
while you watch the movie! I give you...DARIANS UNTOLD TEMPER! By
Chibi Usa!
SATELLITE OF LOVE
[The movie signs go off]
MIKE: We've got movie!
CROW: Oh well, this gives me time to get my mind off of my campaign and
then I can come back when it's over, my mind fully refreshed...
[DOOR SEQUENCE]
[M&TB enter the theater and sit down]
> Darians untold Temper
TOM: So what's with all the hush-hush about this temper?
CROW: It's a conspiracy, I bet. And I'll make sure to end it when I'm
elected President! The TRUTH about Darien's temper WILL be told!
> Hello, this is a spur of a moment thing that i thought of during math
> class when i should have been paying attiention.
MIKE: Education, who needs it anyway? I'll just make a living writing
fanfics!
> Ohwell what is some
> silly little math test that i just so happen got a 30 on,, big whopty
> do.
TOM: It was better than my last English test anyway.
> Well anyway you will be happy to know that i will hopefully be
> sending out a new chapter to I will always love you Raye..er Serena.
MIKE: Oh, the pains of indecision.
> But
> I wanted to start something new so here it goes.! Oh ya i almost forgot,
> this has no relation what so ever to the real Sailor Moon, and Serena
> nor any other scouts know that they are scouts.
CROW: Wait, so then what does this have to do with Sailor Moon anyway?
MIKE: Well, it has characters named after the ones in the show...
CROW: What?! What?! How DARE she try to EXPLOIT the good name of Bishoujo
Senshi Sailormoon by stealing the characters and using them to try and
make people read her own lame story! I will not STAND for this exploitation
of innocent anime characters! And if you vote for me as president, I PROMISE
to...
MIKE: All right, Crow, settle...save it for the press...
CROW: [deep breaths] I'm okay now, nice and easy...
> Discaimers:Pick your favorite, paste here.
MIKE: Favorite Beastie Boy?
TOM: Backstreet Boy?
CROW: Benga Boy?
> --}--}-@ At Darians apartment
> "Hey watch it Meatball head, can't you even manage to get out the plates
> without breaking them?" Darian asked wiht a touch of mischief in his
> voice. "I told you don't call me that!" Serena said.
CROW: [Darien] Okay, so I'll just call you...
MIKE: [glares at CROW]
CROW: ...MEATBALL HEAD! Hah, gotcha Mike!
MIKE: [sighs]
> CRRAASSSHHHHH!!!
> "Stupied plate,
TOM: [sings] Stu Pie, don't bother me! Stu Pie, don't bother me!
> i say we ordear Pizza and use paper plates." Serena said
> starring down at the glass plate taht had just slipped from her hand.
> Darian sighed fakeing saddness. "OH Serena,he said while walking over to
> her standing beside her he slids his arm around her waist, it is ok, we
> will all miss Phil the plate greatly."
MIKE: [fake sad voice] Poor Phil, we knew him so well. He died with honor
in the name of freedom...
TOM: [starts humming "Taps"]
> Darian said. Quickly turning
> Serena with his arm so that she was faceing him.
TOM: [sings] You do the Hokey Pokey and your turn yourself around!
[M&TB stand up, turn around, then sit again]
ALL: That's what it's all about!
> Darian held her close
> and gave her a kiss. "mmmmm,," Serena said as she returned the kiss.
> Pulling away slightly she took a deep breath of air then said,"It is
> ashame, or 2 year anniversary had to be ruined by the death of Phil the
> plate."
CROW: THE PLATE'S DEAD! GET OVER IT!
> Serena said laughing. Darian smiled and kissed her again.
TOM: So let's see...they consider the murder of innocent plates romantic?
CROW: Grrrr...the dirty rotten scum! When I'm elected President, I
will enact special legislation...
MIKE: Crow, give it a rest.
> --}--}-@ later that night at dinner
> "Yes the pizzas are here!" Serena said while leaping of the couch. "Yes
> who would have thought that i would need to ordear 4 pizzas for only 2
> people."
[M&TB raise their hands in the air, each one saying "Me! Me!" Soon, they
put their hands down.]
> Darian said following her to the door. Serena took the pizzas
> while Darian payed the boy.
CROW: [Darien] All right, I'll just pay Macauly Culkin for his cameo...
let's see, what's the minimum wage up to now?
> After shutting the door and doing all the
> locks on it he went to join Serena at the kitchen table. When he saw her
> he almost kneeled over in laughter. He found one of the pizzas to be half
> way gone. Serena had tomato sauce spread all over her mouth, and was
> shoving in one slice while picking up anthor.
MIKE: Showing a perfect grasp of proper etiquette and sophistication.
> Darian took then to notice
> what Serena was wearing.
CROW: [Serena] Typical guy, wouldn't notice if I was prancing around
naked...
> A short plain white dress with a small gold
> trim around the waist and as a trim at the bottem, she wore plain white
> boots that had a bit of heel not much.
TOM: Oh no, she's going to get tomato sauce ALL OVER that outfit!
MIKE: Well, considering how boring it is, I think the tomato stains might
just be an improvement.
> With gold earings and her hair up
> in the usaual 'meatball' style.
CROW: You know, all this talk about pizza and meatballs is making me
hungry.
TOM: So if you have a hungry mouth, put in some Fazzoli's!
> Darian leaned agianst the doorways
> frame. Serena had noticed him and quickly wiped her face off.
TOM: Considering the apparent lack of napkins, I wonder what she used...
CROW: That could be anything from her skirt to the tablecloth.
MIKE: You know, there's some things we're better off not knowing...
though I'll bet she just used her arm.
> She turned
> to face him, she saw him leaning gently agianst the doorway frame!!
CROW: Oh no, not that! He's MOLESTING that doorframe! And as president,
I will toughen laws on doorway molesters...
[TOM and MIKE sigh]
> . He was wearing a loose black shit with black pants.
CROW: So wait, does that mean he's Mr. Hankey?
TOM: [sings] Mr. HANKEY, The Christmas Poo!
> He had let his
> hair grow a little bit so now his bangs toughed the tips of his
> eyelashes
MIKE: Take THAT, eyelashes! And that and that!
> giving him a mysterious look. It also difned his midnight blue
> eyes.
CROW: [Serena] And I love a man with difned eyes, whatever that means...
> Darian stood up striaght and took a slice of pizza devoring it
> quickly.
MIKE: Ohhhhh, yuck...could you try CHEWING?
> "Geez Meatball head save some for me!" Darian said while
> takeing anthor slice.
CROW: Meanwhile, there are starving children all over this planet while
these two INSENSITIVE morons are just consuming the world's food supply!
SCUM!
MIKE: Crow, are you okay?
CROW: Yea...I'm fine...
> As if just to mock him she took 3 slices of pizza
> and devored them before he had finished hald of his second one.
TOM: Pizza hogs, not even bothering to share even one slice with us...
> Darian
> just glared at her
MIKE: [Darien] Stop it, you're being more disgusting than I am!
> then they both broke out laughing.
CROW: Geez, are these people so pathetic they have to get excited
about EVERYTHING?!
TOM: Meanwhile, the remains of Phil the Plate sat in the waste basket
in the kitchen, long forgotten as his paper counterparts were having the
time of their lives...
MIKE: Alas, poor Phil the Plate. I knew him Horatio. Many times he
hath borne me food upon his back.
> --}--}-@
CROW: Okay, so I guess the rose is symbolic or something?
MIKE: The symbolism is just killing me.
TOM: Actually, it's probably the fanfic that's killing you.
> Serena and Darian where sitting on the couch the T.V was turned on to
> Ren and Stimpy.
TOM: Happy happy, joy joy, happy happy, joy joy.
> Serena decied to start a converstion, somthing has been
> bothering her for a long time now.
CROW: [Serena] Since I have the conversational skills of a dead beaver.
> "Darian? Why haven't I met your
> parents yet? And why are they never around? And you never speak of
> them?" Serena asked.
MIKE: [Darien] Because my parents were members of the Partridge family!
> Darian inhaled sharply,"Because,,just because OK
> SERENA!"
CROW: Get it, punk?!
> Darian said his voice getting louder with each word.
TOM: Darien's untold temper!
> "GOD
> DARIAN! I just want to know about them! KNOW THAT THEY EXSIST AT
> LEAST!"
MIKE: [Darien] Well, they don't, dammit! I was born in a freak experiment
in a laboratory and turned free to roam in the wild!
> Serena said anger filling her voice.
TOM: Tou-chy.
> Darian jumped up off the
> couch,
TOM: [sings] Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na BATMAN!
> and Serena followed him in to the small walk way where the door
> was. "SERENA! I JUST DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY PARENTS OK!", Darian
> replyed back anger daggers cutting through his words.
CROW: So now they're adding LITTERING to their crimes? For shame!
> "DARIAN WHY ARE
> YOU BEING SO CRUEL GOD I JUST WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR PARENTS!" Serena
> said wiht just as much anger in her voice.
[M&TB cover their ears]
> Darian whipped around and
> picked Serena up rather easily and threw her into the door.
TOM: All right now, while it is tempting, there's NO need to resort to
violence...
> Serenas body
> hit the door ma!!
MIKE: [Southern drawl] She hit the dawr, Ma!
TOM: Why, Pa's gunna hafta fix iyt, now! Nahs wun, DAH-REE-UN!
> keing a loud thump then she collapsed to the floor. Then Darian started
> kicking her, everytime harder then the one before.
MIKE: Okay, that's it. This tale has lost all hope of showing any logic.
CROW: What was your first HINT, Mike?! Perhaps when they started naming
their plates?
TOM: [sings] I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will!
> Serena was soon
> crying. Darina blinded with his rage kicked harder and harder. "DARIAN
> PLEASE STOP!!! STOP PLEASE!",
CROW: Well, the sooner she dies, the sooner this ends...KEEP KICKIN'!
MIKE: Crow!
CROW: What, what?
> Serena yelled. But as the time went by and
> the kicks countinuing Serena was soon down to nothing but a whisper.
> "please darian,,stop." Serena whisperd through her tears. Her once white
> dress was stained with
MIKE: Tomato sauce, probably with a touch of spices and pepperonis.
> blood from her lip and cuts from nurmours parts
> of her body. Serena some how found the strenght to stand up useing the
> door knob to lean her weight on.
TOM: Wait, if she's so weak she can't struggle, how come she's not
too weak to stand up?
> Darian suddnly realiseing what he had
> done tryed to help her. Serena was shaking in fear as Darian took a step
> towards her.
[M&TB do their best to imitate the screeching effect from "Psycho"]
> Darian tryed to hold her but Serena pushed him away. She
> looked up at him, and Darian saw something that he had never seen in her
> eyes, fear, fear for him.
MIKE: [Darien] Gee, that's strange, why would she be scared of me?
> Serena undid the locks and stumbled slowly out
> the door. Darian followed, "Please wait Serena, please,my love."!!
CROW: [Darien] I just beat the living crap out of you for no reason at
all, but will you forgive me out of the goodness of your heart?
> , Darian begged following her to the elevator. Serena pushe!
CROW: [imitates heavy breathing sounds] Oh baby, baby, BABY!
> d the button for the elevator not answering Darian.
TOM: Despite the fact that Darien did not speak to the elevator.
> The cheerful ding
> played signiling the elevator had come. The doors slid opened, Serena
> looked up to see a solitary figure standing in the elevator, it was
TOM: Darth Vader!
> Andrew. Serena fell and Andrew caught her, looking down seeing that she
> was caked in blood,
CROW: [Andrew] So let's see, there's cake, pizza, Oooo! A Klondike
Bar!
> some dried, but from somewhere a open cut still
> stained the dress. Andrew looked up in horror to see Darian standing
> there with pleading eyes
CROW: I plead insanity!
> filled with unshed tears.
MIKE: There's an oxymoron.
CROW: Yes, we know he is.
> "How..Darian, How
> could you?" Andrews face was of pure hatered toward him. His eyes filled
> wiht shock and disbelif.Andrew repeated "How could you do this?",
CROW: [Darien] The Twinkies made me do it, dammit!
> and
> the elvators doors slid shut.
MIKE: Crushing Andrew's foot.
> --}--}-@
> So how you like it??
[M&TB groan]
> I hope you did like it.
CROW: Tough luck!
> Well tell me what you
> think! I love to hear from ya (hint hint)
CROW: Heh heh heh...
> even if it is just flames, i
> love email al lthe same. Al though only a physco likes flames, ohwell
> guess i am a physco
TOM: No, ya think?
> Ja-Ne!
MIKE: So, who's this "Jane" person, anyway?
>
> Chibi Usa P.S my email, chibi...@alloymail.com
CROW: Well, I'll just have to write her a nice little letter when I'm
all done...
[DOOR SEQUENCE]
[MIKE walks on screen to see TOM and CROW, but the decorations have
all been taken down.]
MIKE: Hey, Crow, what happened?
[CROW sighs]
CROW: Well, I've been thinking it all over and I've decided that I'm not
yet ready to run for the presidency.
TOM: Really? Why?
CROW: [fidgets] I, er, ummm...
MIKE: Oh, Pearl's calling...
CASTLE FORRESTER
PEARL: Well, hello there! Awwww, are you still depressed about the
fact that you CAN'T RUN?!
SATELLITE OF LOVE
CROW: I AM PERFECTLY FINE! Can we keep this to ourselves, now?
CASTLE FORRESTER
PEARL: [cackles] Give it up, you can't run because YOU WEREN'T BORN IN
AMERICA!
SATELLITE OF LOVE
CROW: Damn!
TOM: Oh, I see now...tough break, Crow...
MIKE: Wait a minute, Pearl...Don't you also have to be a CITIZEN of
America to run?
CASTLE FORRESTER
PEARL: [nervous, then suddenly laughs sourly] MY MY, that certainly
has nothing to with anything, ASSUMING, of course, that I was not
a citizen.
[OBSERVER comes on camera]
OBSERVER: Well, actually, it has to do with everything...it says here
that you have to be an American citizen to vote, and if I do recall, I
think they revoked yours after you tried to conquer Washington DC with
a keg of poisened Budweiser...
PEARL: WHAT?!
[OBSERVER nods]
PEARL: AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!
SATELLITE OF LOVE
CROW: YES! In your face!
TOM: Way to go, Mike!
MIKE: I learned it by staying awake in US History class. One of the MANY
uses for an EDUCATION!
TOM: Well, let's all celebrate!
[M&TB run off camera, then return, each one holding a stack of plates]
CROW: [drops one] Oops, there goes Bill!
TOM: [drops another] Oh dear, there goes Jill!
MIKE: [drops a plate] Shoot, there goes Dill!
[They continue dropping plates]
CROW: There goes Will!
TOM: There goes Mill!
MIKE: There goes Fred!
[CROW and TOM look at MIKE]
MIKE: He was adopted.
C&T: Ahhhhh....
[cut to end]
=========================================
Well, that's it. I am a new MSTie, myself, so forgive me. I haven't
written a true MSTing like this before, though I have read several
(Not a lot of the classics, however, since they're either based on
hentai or Star Trek, both of which I don't read). The host segments
are the hardest, it seems, but I'm working on it. I'd like to have
comments, whether they be good, bad, or ugly, since I do want to
improve at my skills. A MSTing is fun to write^_^
Now, the only joke I'm going to explain is "The Debug Party." Will
Rogers, a political humorist of the early 20th century, made an
unsuccessful run for president in "The Debunk Party." I got the
name from the musical "Will Roger's Follies."
Apologies to Chibi Usa, since I used her story without permission.
This is not a personal attack on her, and I hope that she can use
this to improve her writing, even if it's not the most constructive
form of criticism.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 1999 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved.
Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon and related characters are owned by Naoko
Takeuchi, Kodanasha, Toei, and others, (c) 1997.
Okay, all done! I can be reached at Rebo...@aol.com.
> Pulling away slightly she took a deep breath of air then said,"It is
> ashame, or 2 year anniversary had to be ruined by the death of Phil the
> plate."
Bean
Bean
"My own hand looks delicious! You see what you've done to me, Mike!? You see
what you've done!?"
-Crow T. Robot
http://members.xoom.com/Bean118
Remove ma to reply
Joe Blevins
>
> Wow, that was great! Keep it up.
>
> Bean
>
I concur. Hard to believe that was a first misting.
--Joe--
claude
As one of your fellow msters and someone who's also on
a certain anime-related newsgroup with you, I take my hat off to you.
My msting was pretty simple and sorta funny. Yours was elaborate and
very funny.
God, that fanfic had such a poor grasp of pacing and characterization.
Claude Smith
Rebo Valence
best to put out more like that, though then again, I'll have to read more bad
fanfics...hmmm...Oh well, let's see, where's the antacid tablets?
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