REPOST: MiSTing "The Odyssey" (pt.7)
Tjats
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>The Land of the Dead
>
>(Odysseus and his men sail to Aeolia, where Aeolus,
Mike: I'll bet Aeolus was named after that island.
Servo: Yeah, I guess...huh?
>king of the winds, sends Odysseus on his way with a gift: A sack
>containing all the winds exept the favorable west wind.
Crow[as Odysseus]: Yeah, thanks a lot. What am I going to do with a bag of
winds?
Mike: See, the other three winds are insinde the bag and can't be used, so the
west wind won't change, and west is where he needs to go.
Servo: I still don't get it.
Mike: Just keep reading.
>When they are near home, Odysseus' men open the sack, letting loose
>a storm that drives them back to Aeolia. Aeolus casts them out, having
>decided
Mike[singing]: I have decided...
>that they are detested by the gods.
>They sail seven days and arrive in the land of the Lastrygonians, a
>race of cannibals. These creaturesdestroy all of Odysseus' ships exept
>the one he is sailing in.
Crow: The odds of that are 7 to 1.
>Odysseus and his reduced crew escape and reach Aeaea, the island
Servo: of tounge twisters.
>ruled by the sorceress-goddess
Mike: So, which one is it?
>Circe. She transforms half of the men into swine.
Crow: The odds of that not affecting Odysseus are 2 to 1, so the whole thing
is 14 to 1! Is this guy lucky or what?
Mike: I'd like to take his bets down when I go to the track, that's for sure!
>Protected by a majic herb, Odysseus demands that Circe change his men
>back into human form. Before Odysseus departs from the island a year later,
Crow: Huh? What happened during the year?
Mike: Circe wanted Odysseus, but he never showed her his stuff.
Servo: Mike, that's disgusting!
Mike: But it's the truth!
>Circe infors him that in order to reach home he must journey to the land
>of the dead, Hades, and consult the bind prophet Tiresias.)
Mike: Tiresias is Homer, by the way. He put himself into the story.
Servo: That's kind of selfish.
Mike: It's a trend thing with all the epics.
>
>We bore down on the ship at the sea's edge
>and launched her on the salt immortal sea,
>stepping our mast and spar in the black ship;
>embarked the ram and ewe and went aboard
>in tears, with bitter and sore dread upon us.
Servo: Why?
>But now a breeze came up for us astern-
>a canvas-bellying land breeze, hale shipmate
>sent by the singing nymph with sunbright hair;
Mike: That's Circe.
>so we made fast the braces, took our thwarts,
>and let the wind and steersman work the ship
>with full sail spread all day above our coursing,
>till the sun dipped, and all the ways grew dark
>upon the fathomless unresting sea.
>By night our ship ran onward toward the Ocean's bourn.
Crow: Why is ocean capitalized?
Servo: It's another typo. Keep reading.
>the realm and region of the Men of Winter,
>hidden in mist and cloud.
Crow: And see? "The" is not capitalized at the begining of the sentence!
Mike: Crow, stop complaining about the poor quality of the epic!
Crow: I will not! This stupid thing is insane! None of this could ever
happen! I-
Mike shuts Crow's mouth.
>Never the flaming
>eye of Helios lights on those men
>at morning, when he climbs the sky of stars,
Crow[muffled]: Mmmffthphmmhh!
Mike holds Crow's mouth even tighter.
>nor in descending earthward out of heaven;
Servo: Like a falling star.
>ruinous night being rove over those wretches.
Crow[muffled]: Mmmffthphmmhh!
>We made the land,
Servo: How?
>put ram and ewe ashore,
>and took our way along the ocean stream
>to find the place foretold for us by Circe.
Mike: Let's see...Land of the Dead...Land of the Dead...nope. Can't find it.
We must have an old map.
Servo[wife's voice]: Why don't you ask those nice gentlemen over there?
Mike: No, I can find it. Don't worry.
>There Perimedes and Eurylochus,
>pinioned the sacred beasts.
Cbot1:>pinioned: Confined or shackled.
>With my drawn blade
>I spaded up the votive pit, and poured
>libations round it to the unnumbered dead:
>sweet milk and honey,
Mike: and nuts pured into my bowl and I happily gobbled up my Honey Nut
Cherrios.
>then sweet wine, and last
>clear water; and I scattered barley down.
>Then I addressed the blurred and breathless dead,
>vowing to slaughter my beast heifer for them
>before she calved, at home in Ithaca,
>and burn the choice bits on the altar fire;
Crow[muffled]: Mmmffthphmmhh!
Mike: Oh, sorry.
Mike lets go of Crow's mouth.
>as for Tiresias, I swore to sacrifice
Servo: him to the gods.
>a black lamb, handsomest of all our flock.
>Thus to assuage the nations of the dead
Crow: So the dead have a United States, too?
>I pledged these rites, then slashed the lamb and ewe,
>letting their black blood stream into the wellpit.
Servo: That's redundant.
>Now the souls gathered, stirring out of Erebus,
>brides and young men, and men grown old in pain,
>and tender girls whose hearts were new to grief;
>many were there, too, torn by brazen lanceheads,
>battle-slain, bearing still their bloody gear.
Mike, the 'Bots, and Ortega leave the theater.
1...2...3...4...5...6...
Mike and Gypsy are saying goodbye to Ortega.
Mike: See you some other time, Ortega!
Gypsy: It was nice having you! Bye bye!
Ortega grunts a reply and disappears into the time machine.
Mike: Say, where's Crow and Servo?
The camera pans to the left to reveal Crow, on the counter(which is altered to
resemble Odysseus' ship) and Servo, with the lifts from episode 903, and an eye
painted on his gumball head to the left of it.
Crow: Hahaha! You, Cyclops, will never beat me! Now I will tell you who I am
so you can curse me and make it so I can't get home!
Servo: Then I will haul big things at you and call you a booger! Hahaha!
Crow and Servo laugh for a while, and then get tired.
Mike: So, are you finished?
Servo: I guess so.
Pearl, Bobo, and Observer pop onto the bridge, startling Gypsy, who falls over
and crashes on the ground.
Mike: What are you doing here?
Pearl: We want to see how you're comming with The Odyssey.
Mike: Pretty good. We're at the part where-
commercial sign
Mike: Oh, it's commercial sign. Better get back in the theater. Come on,
guys!
Mike and the 'Bots leave the bridge.
Pearl: Okay, Brain Guy, let's go back to the castle.
Observer: Uh, madam, I can't get us off when the epic is on. Your son
installed lots of security devices, and everything...
Pearl: You mean, we have to read it with them?
Obserer: Well, yes...
Pearl hits Observer on the head.
(commercial)
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Questions? Concerns? Coments? Complaints?
e-mail tj...@aol.com
I also can send you previous parts of The Odyssey if they have expired.
Jim, the Mistie, Trekker, X-Phile, comic freak(take your pick)
"Watch out for snakes!"
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