MiSTed- Star Wars X-Wing Intro Movie
Currie1501
That means the introductory "movie" (with the blurry graphics and
bad sound) that is played For Your Entertainment before every game of Star
Wars: X-Wing, which is otherwise a pretty good game. Unfortunately, my
joystick has been acting up (that's the game controller type joystick, so
get that sick thought out of your minds RIGHT now) so I can't fly unless I
want to go down and to the left for the entire game. *Sugh*.
Tom "Look! I've re-redone my sig!" Currie(played in RATMM The Movie by
John Agar, much to Tom's horror)
Any opinions expressed in this post are possibly belonging to one of my
multiple personalities and should not be thought of as intelligent.
_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_
(Season 8 opening)
(SoL. Mike and the bots (including Gypsy) are all playing Risk.)
TOM: Ah-HA! Once again, those foolish enough to resist the reign of Servo
meet a painful death at the sharp bayonets of my infantry!
CROW: Curses! Southeastern USA was a key position in my campaign against
Wisconsin!
MIKE: I still can't believe I lost Poland...
GYPSY: It's because it has no natural borders! Duh!
TOM: Onward I march into Texas! Our troops demand chili con carne!
GYPSY: If you had a nuclear submarine fleet like me-
CROW: That sub group was just an excuse to make Richard Basehart your
fictionary fleet admiral.
GYPSY: Was not!
CROW: Was too!
(An armored figure steps into the shot.)
BOBA FETT: Surrender immediately, or-
MIKE: Augh! How did you get Ukraine?!
TOM: Planning, strategy, and I stole a few extra cannon guys when you
weren't looking.
BOBA: I said, surr-
GYPSY: For insulting Richard Basehart, Japan shall *burn*!
BOBA(irritated): Sur-
TOM(Air Force theme): Off we go, to kick some gold pin-beak's butt...
(Fett draws his blaster and shoots Mike.)
MIKE: AAIEE!<falls to ground>
BOBA: Now then, surrender immediately or-
CROW: Hey, you're Boba Fett!
BOBA(sighs): Okay. Yes, I am. I am a very annoyed Boba Fett who didn't
get to do his cool speech because PEOPLE KEPT INTERRUPTING ME!
(Mike groans as he rises from the floor.)
BOBA: I said, shut UP! <blasts Mike again, who falls to the floor again>
Anyway, I've been sent here to collect a price on your heads.
CROW: I still can't believe I'm meeting the coolest guy in Star Wars!
BOBA: Really? You think so... Wait a minute! Flattery will get you nowhere!
TOM: Flattery? What flattery? Do you know how many fanfics must have
been written about you?
BOBA: Huh? What's a fanfic?
CROW: You don't wanna know. Just take our word for it that your cool.
(Mike tries to rise again and is shot again.)
MIKE(from floor): But I didn't DO anything!
BOBA: I guess I'm just in one of those moods today. (to camera) We'll be
right back.
(Commercial break. Over music we hear:)
MIKE: Hey, you stole my <laser noise> OW!
[Just a thought: If they really are psychic, why can't they tell how
annoying and stupid those commercials are?]
(SoL. Mike, Boba, Crow, and Tom are holding beer cans and chuckling jovially.)
MIKE: You know, I don't understand why Lucas killed you off when you're
such a great guy!
TOM: Yeah, who else would teach us the dirty lyrics to the Imperial March?
BOBA: Thanks guys! Too bad I'm going to have to collect my bounty soon...
(Van light flashes.)
MIKE: Oh, the Decepticons are calling. <hits button>
(Rome. Pearl is in the foreground. Observer and Calypgius(sp?) are
talking in the background.)
OBSERVER: Yep, Archimedes was one par-ty animal!
CAL: Remember that one where Socrates spiked the punch with hemlock?
PEARL(ignoring Cal and Observer): Guys, I trust that you've already had
your potential source of horrible pain delivered to you, so I'mjust going
to get Observer to start it up and-
(SoL. Boba is gone.)
MIKE: Pain delivery? Nope.
TOM: Not even potential pain.
CROW: Who did you send with this pain?
BOBA(entering shot): Hey you guys, where's the can?
(Rome)
PEARL: You bungler! What are you doing there?! You were supposed to
deliver the tape and get out!
(SoL)
BOBA: Uh... oops.
MIKE: You were supposed to give us a tape?
BOBA: Well... yeah. Here. <gives Mike a small black tape>
MIKE(reading tape): Star Wars: X-Wing Introductory Movie?
(Rome)
PEARL: Sheesh. I hire a cheap Star Wars bit player and what does he do?
Nothing *useful*, that's for sure! <turns to Observer> Brain Guy, start up
their VCR. <turns to camera> Fett, you're gonna stay right there with him
if you want the money.
(SoL)
BOBA(cheerily): Oh well. This couldn't hurt much, could it?
CROW: Have you ever heard of Marissa?
BOBA: Hmmm... can't say that I have...
CROW(turning to Mike): Mike, he's gonna fry.
MIKE: Look on the bright side. If he hasn't met Marissa, there couldn't
be a crossover fanfic out there.
(Movie Sign goes off)
ALL(except Boba): AAAUUUUGGHHHH!!! WE GOT KINDA-MOVIE SIGNNNNNN!!!
MIKE: I only hope Ratliff didn't just read that...
(6...5...4...3...2...1...Theatre. Boba sits to the left of Tom.)
BOBA: Movies are fun. Can I get some gummi ewoks?
MIKE: If you're willing to spend $12.95 on one box of three miserable
bear-shaped candies, go ahead.
TOM: Highway robbery, it is.
> L \o/
> u |
> c |
> a / \
> s A r t s
> (LucasArts logo)
TOM(booming voice): LucasArts: We own you!
> presents:
MIKE: Oh, it's my birthday already? I just lost track of time!
BOBA: Shhh! It's starting!
> A long, long time ago
> in a galaxy far, far away...
MIKE: Crud, it's a Galactic History lesson.
CROW(high nasal voice): Will this be on the test?
BOBA: Those words seem familiar somehow...
>(Loud beginning to the Star Wars theme, coinciding >simultaneously with
the appearance of the words:)
> STAR
> WARS
ALL: Whoa!
CROW: No matter how many times I watched the movie, that still catches me
off guard.
BOBA: I wet my armor!
>(Classic tilted-back credits begin.)
TOM: It's the eye chart from hell.
>It is a time of Civil War
BOBA: Is that any different from civil war?
>Using fear and intimidation, the Empire seeks to impose a New >Order on
the galaxy.
TOM: I think he's confusing the Empire with the Young Republicans.
>Only the Rebel Alliance stands in the way of their evil plans.
>
> Not yet willing to confront the Empire directly,
MIKE: The Rebel Alliance revealed themselves to be spineless wussbuckets.
>The Rebels are marshalling their forces in secrecy.
CROW: Sure! Nobody's going to notice any space battleships floating around!
>Even now, a group of their prized Calamari Cruisers
ALL: <snicker>
BOBA: Did the guy who invented the name actually know that calamari means
squid?
MIKE: For the world's sanity, I hope not.
>are being intercepted by a squadron of Imperial Star Destroyers.
CROW: So, they tried to marshall their forces in secrecy but it didn't work?
MIKE: Yeah, that looks about like it.
>The rebel fleet is outnumbered, but they have a surprise...
BOBA: They hired a girl to jump out of Darth Vaders cake?
MIKE: They voted for Perot in '96?
TOM: They're having a relationship with the Foundation group?
CROW: None of them are wearing any pants?
MIKE: CROW!
CROW: What?
>The X-Wing Starfighter!
ALL: Oh.
CROW: I still stand by my theory.
>(As the credits fade off into the distance, some sort of >mutation of the
Imperial March begins, and we see a huge fleet >of sinister Star Destroyers.)
MIKE(mean voice): This is the Girl Scout Interplanetary Collection Agency.
We get our $7.50 back or the Thin Mints are coming with *us*!
TOM(evil voice): You *WILL* enjoy our fine Amway products and services!
>(The music is intensely annoying, and is played in a weak, tinny
>computerized brass section. The Star Destroyers coast along >through
space as the annoying music reaches a spasmodic end, >which sounds like
DADADA-DA-DA-DA-(pause)-DA-DAAA->DAAAAAAA...)
BOBA: The musician is having a stroke!
CROW: Good.
>(Without warning, two regular (straight-winged) TIE fighters >and a TIE
Interceptor (bent-winged) come zooming out of the >hangar bays of the
nearest destroyer.)
ALL: AAUUGH!
CROW: Duck and cover!
>(Fighters abruptly change their course and whoosh off to the >upper right.)
ALL: Phew!
BOBA(miserably): Gads, I wish this wasn't in 3-D.
MIKE: It isn't.
BOBA: Through this blasted vision-enhancing helmet visor, everything is.
>(Scene changes to interior of Star Destroyer. A junior officer >stands
before someone who is presumably the commander.)
>JUNIOR OFFICER(JO): Sir,
TOM(whiny voice as JO): Why do we look like Nazis without swastikas on?
CROW(stern voice as commander): Do you question the will of Lucas?
>Our TIE Interceptors discovered a Rebel fleet orbiting Turkana.
>COMMANDER(C): Excellent.
TOM(Bill & Ted voice): EX-cell-ENT!
>Prepare to attack. Move all Star Destroyers in range and launch >all TIE
fighter squadrons.
BOBA: He needs to be *told* to move the ships within firing range?
TOM: Ah, the "use the least creative tactic" school of strategy.
MIKE: That must be Marissa's area of expertise.
BOBA: Who?
>JO: At once, Sir.
MIKE(as JO): I will carry out your moronically obvious orders at once, Sir.
>(Cut to a scene of a Star Destroyer. The "camera" pans to the >left. A
flight of TIE fighters howls by.)
CROW(as TIE fighter pilot): Hey guys, party at Bob's place! Follow me!
>("Camera" continues to pan. We see a murky, swampy-looking >moon, a tip
of one of the Calamari Cruisers, an explosion or two >near the cruiser, and
another flight of TIEs.)
TOM(as TIE fighter pilot): Hey guys, party at Bob's place! Follow me!
>(Pan. We see more of the Rebel group, more explosions, more >destroyers,
part of a pretty blue planet, and another flight of TIEs.)
MIKE(as TIE fighter pilot): Hey guys, party at Bob's place! Follow me!
>(More explosions. Another flight of TIEs.)
BOBA(as TIE fighter pilot): Hey guys, party at Bob's place! Follow me!
>(The flights come faster.)
TOM: Hey guys, party at Bob's place! Follow me!
MIKE: Hey guys, party at Bob's place! Follow-
CROW: Hey guys, party at Bob's-
BOBA: Hey guys, pa-
>(The flights slow down and quit, apparently to let us get a >better view
of the exploding spaceships.)
TOM: Huh. Kinda pretty, in a morbid sort of way.
MIKE: You know, it's not really a smart idea to make fireworks that
explode outside the atmosphere
>(Last quick flight of TIEs.)
TOM: Hey g-
>(Scene changes to Calamarian sitting in a command chair in >front of a
large window. Note to the Star Wars illiterate: >Calamarians are big brown
humanoid things with an elongated >head and two great big brown eyes on
both sides of his head. >They were in the movies, too.)
MIKE(as Calamarian): Help! I'm turning into a fish!
>(Through the window, we see another Calamarian cruiser is >exploding and
sinking towards the planet. The Calamarian >seems oblivious to it's plight.)
CROW(as other cruiser): Hello? Little help here?
>CALAMARIAN(CA): We are under attack by Imperial Star >Destroyers.
CROW(as other cruiser): Really? I thought all these TIE fighters swarming
around me were figments of my imagination!
>CA: Begin evasive maneveurs.
>(Several TIE fighters come towards the window and swerve >away.)
CROW(as TIE pilot): Hey, move your butts, dickweeds!
MIKE(as other TIE pilot): Yeah, get your thumbs out!
>CA: Launch the X-wing fighters.
CROW(as other cruiser): Hello? Anyone? Aw, bite me!
>(Scene changes to outside of one of the cruisers. Several other >ships
are moving slowly away as three x-wings fly out of a >hangar on the side of
the ship.)
BOBA: Don't worry, we three completely untested and untrained fighters
will blow up *all* those TIE fighters *and* those nine or ten Star
Destroyers too! <helmet starts to smoke>
TOM: I feel the same way. <head begins to smoke>
>(Scene changes to the three fighters speeding towards the top >left.)
>RED LEADER(RL): This is Red Leader!
TOM: Is it just me, or does every single Star Wars fanfic/movie/game that
has fighters in it also has a Red Leader?
CROW(as pilot): Sir, do the words "stay on target" or "beginning attack
run" mean anything to you?(2 and a half point reff)
> Stay close and watch for enemy fighters!
BOBA: Do *they* really need to know that? Sheesh, this a battle between
two groups of people who continuously state the readily apparent or the
idiotically obvious.
MIKE: Oh dear, you seem to have fallen down a fifty-foot well, are you all
right?(2 and a half point reff)
>(Picture of a large sun. The X-wings fly out of the glare.)
MIKE: AUUGH! My retinas!
TOM: Too bad you don't have sun-shielded visor helmets or light-adjusting
photoreceptors, eh Mike?
>(The enemy fighters that they were told to watch for fly out of >yet
another Star Destroyers hangar bay. To be precise, it is two >regular TIE
fighters and a TIE bomber(double cockpit pods, bent >wings).)
TOM: Oh look, he got one with an options package.
CROW: I heard that you can keep 30 CDs and a full sized CD player/changer
in that extra pod.
>(Into battle... sort of. Laser blasts streak downwards and first >hit
one of the wing struts of the TIE bomber, causing it to give >off a strange
purple Star-of-Bethlehem shaped effect and lose >the wing. The x-wings
swoop down and shoot off the other wing >with the same type of effect.
For some reason it seems to fall.)
MIKE: The laws of physics take revenge on Star Wars and momentarily turns
on the gravity in deep space.
CROW: Next time they're going to get Star Trek and reactivate inertia when
the Enterprise is trying to dock with DS9.
>R3(presumably): I got him!
TOM(sarcasm mode): Are you sure?
>RL(presumably): Follow me.
MIKE: Marissa must be Red Leader.
BOBA: Who is this Marissa person?
TOM: In this case, Boba, ignorance is truly bliss.
>(One of the TIE fighters goes after Red Three.)
>R3: I can't shake him!
MIKE(as R3): He might throw up on me!
>(Red Two comes out of nowhere and blasts the enemy fighter.)
>RL: Nice shot, Red Two!
TOM(as RL): You put it right in the vein! Good for you!
>(An unidentified x-wing goes after a TIE interceptor. >Predictably, the
good guy toasts the TIE a few seconds after the >scene starts.)
BOBA: Never fails. Right after you wash-and-wax your fighter and make it
look like it just rolled out of Sienar Fleet Systems assembly line,
whoever's on the other side singes your s-foils and you have to start all
over again.
(Note: If anyone can give me a brief description of Sienar Fleet Systems
besides being the guys who make TIE fighters, that's a whopping 15 points
to them.)
>(Last scene, I promise. The x-wings fly away from the "camera" >towards
a shiny metal title spinning towards us.)
CROW(as RL): Evasive action! Title ahead!
>(The x-wings turn back to us and zoom past just as the title >hits the
screen with a metallic clang.)
TOM(as pilot): #@$% Sunday logos!
MIKE: C'mon, let's go.
(1...2...3...4...5...6...Bridge. Everyone is standing around.)
BOBA: You guys go through that stuff every day?
CROW: Yeah, except it's usually mostly Star Trek. We also get crummy
movies every Saturday.
MIKE: Hey, someone's calling on the Hexfield.
(Hexfield opens to reveal the Calamarian commander from the intro. There
is a human aide to his right.)
CC: Hello, travelers!
MIKE: Uh... hi.
CC: I am Commander Bak and this is my human aide Jones to my right.
CROW: I see.
BAK: I see that there are four of you that are all standing up behind a
countertop.
BOBA(silently counts everybody, glances at the counter): Yep.
BAK: Ah.
(pause)
BAK: Reply and I will talk again.
TOM: Well, yeah. Isn't it a bit obvious?
BAK: I see that you have noticed that I say things in a very detailed
manner and give commands that you would do anyway. You may continue to
talk to me.
MIKE: Yeah, we've got a real sharp one here...
(A sharp whining noise comes from the Hexfield.)
BAK: A sharp whining noise is coming from this area! Jones, listen to the
sharp whining noise and wonder what it is!
JONES: I am listening to the sharp whining noise and wondering what it is, sir!
BAK: Good!
(The whining noise ends and the CO from the star destroyer enters
accompanied by his aide.)
CO: I am Commander Zhovo from the Star Destroyer entering accompanied by
my aide Dref! Dref, acknowledge this!
DREF: I acknowledge that he is Commander Zhovo from the Star Destroyer
entering accompanied by his aide Dref, who is me, at once sir!
ZHOVO: Good!
BAK: Look Jones! It is Commander Zhovo from the Star Destroyer entering
accompanied by his aide Dref! Feel a great hatred towards them!
JONES: I see Commander Zhovo from the Star Destroyer entering accompanied
by his aide Dref and I feel a great hatred towards them!
BAK: Good!
ZHOVO: Dref! Raise your blaster and prepare to fire on the unarmed
Commander Bak and his aide Jones!
DREF(raising blaster): I am raising my blaster and preparing to fire on
the unarmed Commander Bak and his aide Jones at once sir!
BAK: Jones! Commander Zhovo has ordered his aide Dref to raise his
blaster and prepare to fire on us, the unarmed Commander Bak and his aide
Jones! Cower in fear!
JONES(cowering in fear): I recognize that Commander Zhovo has ordered hs
aide Dref to raise his blaster and prepare to fire on us, the unarmed
Commander Bak and his aide Jones, and I cower in fear!
BAK: Good!
(A man in Rebel fighter pilot uniform enters. He has a blaster strapped
to his side. He is obviously Red Leader.)
RL: I am Red Leader and I am in a fighter pilot uniform with a blaster
strapped to my side! I see that Commander Zhovo from the Star Destroyer
has entered accompanied by his aide Dref and that Commander Zhovo has
ordered his aide Dref to prepare to fire on the unarmed Commander Bak and
his aide Jones who is cowering in fear!
ZHOVO: Eegad! Dref, notice that he is Red Leader and is in fighter pilot
uniform with a blaster strapped to his side and he sees that I Commander
Zhovo have entered accompanied by my aide Dref and ordered my aide Dref to
raise his blaster and prepare to fire on the unarmed Commander Bak and his
aide Jones who is cowering in fear!
DREF: I notice that he is Red Leader and is in fighter pilot uniform with
a blaster strapped to his side and he sees that you Commander Zhovo have
entered accompanied by your aide Dref and ordered your aide Dref to raise
his blaster and prepare to fire on the unarmed Commander Bak and his aide
Jones who is cowering in fear!
BAK: Zounds! Jones, look how Zhovo and his aide Dref have noticed that he
is Red Leader and is in fighter pilot uniform with a blaster strapped to
his side and he sees that he Commander Zhovo have entered accompanied by
his aide Dref and ordered his aide Dref to raise his blaster and prepare to
fire on the unarmed Commander Bak and his aide Jones who is cowering in fear!
JONES: I see how Zhovo and his aide Dref have noticed that he is Red
Leader and is in fighter pilot uniform with a blaster strapped to his side
and he sees that he Commander Zhovo have entered accompanied by his aide
Dref and ordered his aide Dref to raise his blaster and prepare to fire on
the unarmed Commander Bak and his aide Jones who is cowering in fear!
BAK & ZHOVO(in unison): Good! Do you acknowledge that we are speaking in
unison of our approval of you noticing that Zhovo and his aide Dref have
noticed that he is Red Leader and is in fighter pilot uniform with a
blaster strapped to his side and he sees that he Commander Zhovo has
entered accompanied by his aide Dref and ordered his aide Dref to raise his
blaster and prepare to fire on the unarmed Commander Bak and his aide Jones
who is cowering in fear?
DREF & JONES(in unison): Yes! We do acknowledge that you are speaking in
unison of our approval of you noticing that Zhovo and his aide Dref have
noticed that he is Red Leader and is in fighter pilot uniform with a
blaster strapped to his side and he sees that he Commander Zhovo have
entered accompanied by his aide Dref and ordered his aide Dref to raise his
blaster and prepare to fire on the unarmed Commander Bak and his aide Jones
who is cowering in fear!
RL: I am Red Leader and I am in the uniform of a Rebel fighter pilot and I
have a blaster strapped to my side and I think that you are all silly twits!
ZHOVO & BAK & JONES & DREF: Good! We see that you think we are all silly
twits!
ZHOVO: Dref! Begin to squeeze the trigger that will fire the gun at
Commander Bak and his aide Jones before the man who is Red Leader and is in
the uniform of a Rebel fighter pilot who has a blaster strapped to his side
and thinks we are all silly twits has a chance to fire his blaster upon us
who are Commander Zhovo and his aide Dref!
DREF: I am beginning to squeeze the trigger that will fire the gun at
Commander Bak and his aide Jones before the man who is Red Leader and is in
the uniform of a Rebel fighter pilot who has a blaster strapped to his side
and thinks we are all silly twits has a chance to fire his blaster upon us
who are Commander Zhovo and his aide Dref!
ZHOVO: Good!
RL: I, Red Leader who is wearing the uniform of a rebel fighter pilot and
has a gun strapped to my side who thinks that you are all silly twits see
that Commander Zhovo has instructed his aide Dref to squeeze the trigger
that will fire the gun at Commander Bak and his aide Jones before the man
who is Red Leader and is in the uniform of a Rebel fighter pilot who has a
blaster strapped to his side and thinks you are all silly twits has a
chance to fire his blaster upon they who are Commander Zhovo and his aide
Dref and will fire my blaster at Commander Zhovo's aide Dref who is
beginning to squeeze the trigger that will fire the gun at Commander Bak
and his aide Jones before the man who is Red Leader and is in the uniform
of a Rebel fighter pilot who has a blaster strapped to his side and thinks
you are all silly twits has a chance to fire his blaster upon they who are
Commander Zhovo and his aide Dref!
BAK & JONES: Good! We see that that was an awfully long sentence and we
won't repeat it!
(Red Leader fires his blaster at Dref, who dies as the blast burns his heart.)
RL: I, Red Leader who is wearing the uniform of a rebel fighter pilot and
has a gun strapped to my side who thinks that you are all silly twits see
that I have fired my blaster at Dref, who dies as the blast burns his heart!
ZHOVO: Gadfrey! Dref, notice that Red Leader who is wearing the uniform
of a rebel fighter pilot and has a gun strapped to his side who thinks that
we are all silly twits sees that he has fired my blaster at Dref, who dies
as the blast burns his heart! Continue dying!
DREF(continuing to die): I notice that Red Leader who is wearing the
uniform of a rebel fighter pilot and has a gun strapped to his side who
thinks that we are all silly twits sees that he has fired my blaster at I,
Dref, who dies as the blast burns my heart! I shall continue dying!
ZHOVO: Good! It was a pleasure to have you as an officer! I am now
activating my blaster shield that no energy weapon can penetrate!
BAK: Ye gods! Zhovo is now activating his blaster shield that no energy
weapon can penetrate! Jones, you must kick Zhovo in his naughty bits and
therefore render him helpless!
JONES(kicking Zhovo in his naughty bits): I acknowledge that Zhovo is now
activating his blaster shield that no energy weapon can penetrate and that
I must kick Zhovo in his naughty bits and therefore render him helpless and
I have now kicked Zhovo in his naughty bits and therefore rendered him helpless!
ZHOVO(writhing on the floor squealing): Jones has acknowledged that I,
Zhovo, was activating his blaster shield that no energy weapon can
penetrate and that he must kick I, Zhovo, in my naughty bits and therefore
render him helpless and he has now kicked me, Zhovo, in my naughty bits and
therefore rendered me helpless so I, Zhovo, am writhing on the floor
squealing before the man named Red Leader who is wearing the uniform of a
Rebel fighter pilot and has a gun strapped to his side who thinks that we
are all silly twits who saw that he had fired his blaster at Dref, who died
as the blast burnt his heart, and is now laughing at me because I am
writhing on the floor squealing because Commander Bak's aide Jones had
kicked me in my naughty bits therefore rendering me helpless because I had
activated my blaster shield that no energy weapon can penetrate and had to
be rendered helpless by Jones Kicking me in my naughty bits so I am
writhing on the floor squealing and eventually I will run out of air and
pass out and die because I have to repeat all of the preceding without
stopping! <dies from lack of air>
BAK & JONES & RL: Good!
(Hexfield closes to show everyone asleep.)
MIKE: <snore><snore><sn-Wha? Hey guys! They're gone!
BOBA: Oh well. Gotta go guys. I got a date.
CROW: Hey hey *heeey*! Boba's got a babe!
TOM(chanting): Go Boba! Go Boba!
MIKE: Good luck.
BOBA: Here she comes now.
(Camera pans to the right to show Marissa entering.)
MARISSA: C'mon honey. Becoming the emperor and empress of the galaxy is a
tough job, but somebody has to do it!
BOBA: She says her name is Hera, Goddess of Whup-Ass. She comes from a
rich family!
(Camera pans back right and we see that everybody has fainted.)
BOBA: Guys?
___________________________________________________
BOBA(v.o): What? Does she have a bit of food between her teeth or something?
\ | / PFWISH! | Characters are property of
BBI. No
\ | / | copyrights were harmed
in the MiSTing
-- 0 -- | of this post.
/ | \ | Questions, comments, viruses?
Send
/ | \ | mail to Curri...@aol.com.
I'll be
| waiting behind my
asbestos flameproof
| shield.
>JO: At once, Sir.
A,A,M&K
On 28 Sep 1997 05:02:35 GMT, curri...@aol.com (Currie1501) wrote:
(Snip)
>
>BOBA: Do *they* really need to know that? Sheesh, this a battle between
>two groups of people who continuously state the readily apparent or the
>idiotically obvious.
>MIKE: Oh dear, you seem to have fallen down a fifty-foot well, are you all
>right?(2 and a half point reff)
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" Perron | norreP "NAM GIS. ON" werdnA
Matthew R Blackwell
In <19970928050...@ladder01.news.aol.com> curri...@aol.com
(Currie1501) writes:
>BOBA: I said, shut UP! <blasts Mike again, who falls to the floor
again>
>Anyway, I've been sent here to collect a price on your heads.
>CROW: I still can't believe I'm meeting the coolest guy in Star Wars!
They're meeting Wedge Antilles? Cool. <grin>
Jo
Somewhere on the home planet of the all-high Sammich-Maker,
curri...@aol.com (Currie1501) wrote:
<snip>
>>JO: At once, Sir.
<snip>
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's it! I'm changing my moniker to Nummy Muffin Coocol Jolene. I
simply cannot allow myself to be associated with this... this...
Why must every nickname I've had bring me pain? <dramatic sob>
Good MSTing, BTW.
----
NMCJ
(Thanks to TomR for giving me the idea)
E-mail address forthcoming.
Robert J Macomber
In article <342fb7d7.7207848@news>,
<mpo...@mail.widowmaker.com.DELETE-THIS-PART> wrote:
>"They shot him. He was so surprised that they had to shoot him again
>before he fell down." (2*pi pt. ref)
More than six points for "Life, the Universe, and Everything"? Well, I'll
take anything.
--
Rob Macomber
(rmac...@u.arizona.edu)
mpo...@mail.widowmaker.com.delete-this-part
On 28 Sep 1997 05:02:35 GMT, curri...@aol.com (Currie1501) wrote:
>(Fett draws his blaster and shoots Mike.)
>BOBA: I said, shut UP! <blasts Mike again, who falls to the floor again>
>(Mike tries to rise again and is shot again.)
>
"They shot him. He was so surprised that they had to shoot him again
before he fell down." (2*pi pt. ref)
>[Just a thought: If they really are psychic, why can't they tell how
>annoying and stupid those commercials are?]
FREE MATERIAL FOR ANYONE
Commercial: (There's a new place to play...a place called Magic: The
Gathering. It's a place where you can get your butt pounded by
eighth-graders scrounging their milk money to buy booster packs! All
you need is half a brain, a twelve-year-old to explain the
inordinately convoluted rules, and about twelve hundred dollars to buy
enough packs that you'll get _one_ shivan dragon.)
>>Even now, a group of their prized Calamari Cruisers
>
>ALL: <snicker>
>BOBA: Did the guy who invented the name actually know that calamari means
>squid?
Well, not to be facetious or didactic here, but may I interject at
this juncture that since the people who built the cruisers have
squid-shaped heads, it may well be that the person who named them the
Mon Calamari _did_ know that it means squid?
>>(Cut to a scene of a Star Destroyer. The "camera" pans to the >left. A
>flight of TIE fighters howls by.)
>
>CROW(as TIE fighter pilot): Hey guys, party at Bob's place! Follow me!
Actually, here I'd have expected the same sort of "Sky King...Sky
King...Sky King..." thing as in "The Deadly Mantis".
>(Note: If anyone can give me a brief description of Sienar Fleet Systems
>besides being the guys who make TIE fighters, that's a whopping 15 points
>to them.)
Um...isn't that a bit like saying "give a brief description of food
besides its being food"?
>(A sharp whining noise comes from the Hexfield.)
>
>BAK: A sharp whining noise is coming from this area! Jones, listen to the
>sharp whining noise and wonder what it is!
>JONES: I am listening to the sharp whining noise and wondering what it is, sir!
>BAK: Good!
>
Hilarity ensues. Amazing concept--I think you've discovered a niche
here!
I am currently typing on my computer keyboard that I am wondering
where else this literary device might take us, "us" being those who
write MiSTings of particularly silly postings or other events, these
events being anything from TV shows to computer games...
Mike Powers
"...bottom line, Dilbert teaches you that the computer is your friend
while Quake teaches you not to use your grenade launcher in a small
room."
-- TIME magazine
Matthew R Blackwell
In <342fb7d7.7207848@news> mpo...@mail.widowmaker.com.DELETE-THIS-PART
writes:
>
>Mike Powers
>
>"...bottom line, Dilbert teaches you that the computer is your friend
>while Quake teaches you not to use your grenade launcher in a small
>room."
>-- TIME magazine
So, is using nailguns still okay?
Soundwave [Chad Gould]
Let the court record show that mpo...@mail.widowmaker.com.DELETE-THIS-PART said:
>On 28 Sep 1997 05:02:35 GMT, curri...@aol.com (Currie1501) wrote:
>before he fell down." (2*pi pt. ref)
Douglas Adams get 2*pi points nowadays?
Oh, well. Make those pis banana cream, and we might as well make it a
ref by inserting a picture of a compromised pi on the bottom.
>>[Just a thought: If they really are psychic, why can't they tell how
>>annoying and stupid those commercials are?]
Trivia question: Are there any males that call psychic lines? Seems like
according to the commercial, there aren't.
Dammit, I wish some group of psychic-calling men would protest
vigorously against the discrimination in those commercials, just so the
commercials get off the air. (:
(You have to admit the Magic: TG, Final Fantasy VII, and SuperMom Coke
ads are a tad more on target audience group...)
>I am currently typing on my computer keyboard that I am wondering
>where else this literary device might take us, "us" being those who
>write MiSTings of particularly silly postings or other events, these
>events being anything from TV shows to computer games...
It gives you the ability to look on certain things in life and laugh at
them. This trait, known as "sense of humor", can be very useful in a
wide variety of applications, brightening up relationships with other
people! Not as useful as RADAR, though.
--
Chad Gould aka Soundwave |-X5/D50/DX27S/Juno106/TX16W/BE5-|
internet: cgo...@gate.net |-M1000/Pulse/K5000R/SE70/MS1402-|
http://tilt.largo.fl.us/ |Make Happy the Harmonica Happy!!|
"It has to warm up... SO IT CAN KILL YOU!" - Raul Julia, TAF pinball
Usenet email address is fake. Please use email address in sig above to write.
Chris Gleason
Soundwave [Chad Gould] wrote in article <60rs1o$snu$1...@news.gate.net>...
>Douglas Adams get 2*pi points nowadays?
>
>Oh, well. Make those pis banana cream, and we might as well make it a
>ref by inserting a picture of a compromised pi on the bottom.
Hey... that's MY Pi!
<*CHING!*>
=================================================
"Eat a Pi for charity!",
Chris Gleason -- The Best Kisser in the Universe!
Baseball fiend, game show junkie, doughy guy.
MSTie #66772 chris...@aol.com
CHECK OUT MY E-COLUMN!
http://members.aol.com/chrisglson/sftg.html
Carl Burke
Soundwave [Chad Gould] wrote:
...
> (You have to admit the Magic: TG, Final Fantasy VII, and SuperMom Coke
> ads are a tad more on target audience group...)
Re: the SuperMom Coke ad:
The other day we happened to catch part of one of those pseudo-science
shows while waiting for something worthwhile to come on. There was some
debate over 'Nostradamus' Last Prophecy', something about a comet that
will strike Earth in 1999. The segment ended with an allusion to our
ability (potential, at least) to deflect comets in space. What do we
see first thing in the commercial break? SuperMom destroying a meteor.
I have to wonder how many people watching that show now believe that
SuperMom is our last best hope to save us all from Nostradamus' comet.
--
--------------------------------------------------
Carl Burke, cbu...@mitre.org -- Morde me, iuvat
My opinions are mine and mine alone, unless you
agree with them. Then I'll share.
--------------------------------------------------
"Chicks are attracted to harbingers of doom.
It's a known given fact." - Mike "Dreamy" Sphar
--------------------------------------------------
TCurryFan
"Carl Burke <cbu...@mitre.org>" said:
>Soundwave [Chad Gould] wrote:
>...
>> (You have to admit the Magic: TG, Final Fantasy VII, and
>>SuperMom Coke ads are a tad more on target audience group...)
>...
>Re: the SuperMom Coke ad:
I just wanna take the opportunity to say: I like this ad. Yeah, it's a little
Image-y, and notice her outfit just HAPPENS to be red and silver- Coca-Cola
colors- but other than that, I like it.
There, I said it, and I'm proud. I'd say it again if I had to.
"Childbirth is pretty much like a David Lynch movie."
-Jeffrey Marchant (my brother-in-law), on the birth of his son.
Catherine Johnson ---------- MiSTie #75,125 ---------- TCur...@aol.com
Noah Singman
TCurryFan wrote:
> >Re: the SuperMom Coke ad:
>
> I just wanna take the opportunity to say: I like this ad. Yeah, it's a little
> Image-y, and notice her outfit just HAPPENS to be red and silver- Coca-Cola
> colors- but other than that, I like it.
> There, I said it, and I'm proud. I'd say it again if I had to.
Stick to your guns, Catherine! Actually, I like it, too. As she's zooming off,
she reminds me a little of Jean Grey as Dark Phoenix (my eyes still well up when I
read X-Men #137).
Noah
MST#59539
"They were young. They were in love. They were heroes."
Soundwave [Chad Gould]
Let the court record show that Chris Gleason said:
>Soundwave [Chad Gould] wrote in article <60rs1o$snu$1...@news.gate.net>...
>>Douglas Adams get 2*pi points nowadays?
>>Oh, well. Make those pis banana cream, and we might as well make it a
>>ref by inserting a picture of a compromised pi on the bottom.
>Hey... that's MY Pi!
><*CHING!*>
Congratulations! For Chris Gleason's point total, he gets a Pi! Remember,
the reffed movie (Revenge of the Nerds) was the first to come out and
say that nerds make better lovers because they think of nothing but sex
all day! Er, something like that.
>Chris Gleason -- The Best Kisser in the Universe!
> Baseball fiend, game show junkie, doughy guy.
-sw- [Organizing a panty raid to the tune of _Mission: Impossible_]
TCurryFan
"Noah Singman <sin...@idt.net>" said:
>TCurryFan wrote:
>
>> >Re: the SuperMom Coke ad:
>>
>> I just wanna take the opportunity to say: I like this ad. Yeah, it's
>>a little Image-y, and notice her outfit just HAPPENS to be red
>>and silver- Coca-Cola colors- but other than that, I like it.
>>There, I said it, and I'm proud. I'd say it again if I had to.
>
>Stick to your guns, Catherine! Actually, I like it, too. As she's
>zooming off, she reminds me a little of Jean Grey as Dark
>Phoenix (my eyes still well up when I read X-Men #137).
She's also a bit like Nova, former(?) Herald of Galactus... It's the flaming
hair. (-:
And the Feminist in me likes watching a woman singlehandedly saving the world.
(-:
>Noah
>MST#59539
>"They were young. They were in love. They were heroes."
I don't have that issue... <sugh>
Soundwave [Chad Gould]
Let the court record show that TCurryFan said:
>"Carl Burke <cbu...@mitre.org>" said:
>>Soundwave [Chad Gould] wrote:
>>...
>>> (You have to admit the Magic: TG, Final Fantasy VII, and
>>>SuperMom Coke ads are a tad more on target audience group...)
>>...
>I just wanna take the opportunity to say: I like this ad. Yeah, it's a little
> Image-y, and notice her outfit just HAPPENS to be red and silver- Coca-Cola
> colors- but other than that, I like it.
>There, I said it, and I'm proud. I'd say it again if I had to.
You're not the only one... I actually kind of like the ad as well. It
fits, it's well executed, and it doesn't become terribly annoying
on repeat viewings.
Oh, while I'm actually praising stuff during the commercial break, if I
haven't already said this: Kudos to Sci-Fi's multiple
computer-graphics-gone-wild logos. They're very nice looking and well
done, and in general they come before the Psychic Friends commercial, so
they tell me when to change the channel. (:
Derek Janssen
Noah Singman wrote:
>
> TCurryFan wrote:
>
> > >Re: the SuperMom Coke ad:
> >
> > I just wanna take the opportunity to say: I like this ad. Yeah, it's a little
> > Image-y, and notice her outfit just HAPPENS to be red and silver- Coca-Cola
> > colors- but other than that, I like it.
> > There, I said it, and I'm proud. I'd say it again if I had to.
>
> she reminds me a little of Jean Grey as Dark Phoenix (my eyes still well up when I
> read X-Men #137).
<sigh> You noticed it, too--
Not to mention the quality that Fox's "X-Men" cartoon had, long, long
ago...
Derek Jansen
dja...@ultranet.com
Chris Gleason
Soundwave [Chad Gould] wrote in article <60uu5k$19ho$3...@news.gate.net>...
[REVENGE OF THE POINTS]
>>Hey... that's MY Pi!
>><*CHING!*>
>
>Congratulations! For Chris Gleason's point total, he gets a Pi!
Woo-hoo! Now if I can just rent a helicopter, I can start cutting the
merengue.
> Remember,
>the reffed movie (Revenge of the Nerds) was the first to come out and
>say that nerds make better lovers because they think of nothing but sex
>all day! Er, something like that.
"That was wonderful! Are all nerds as good as you?"
"Yes. All jocks think about is sports. All we think about is sex."
Maybe not exact, but pretty damned close.
>-sw- [Organizing a panty raid to the tune of _Mission: Impossible_]
Well, seeing as how you're a male of any species, and all....
=================================================
The cruise control is set to good ol' 35!,
Chris Gleason -- The Best Kisser in the Universe!
Baseball fiend, game show junkie, doughy guy.
MSTie #66772 chris...@aol.com
Phil Russell
TCurryFan wrote:
>
> "Noah Singman <sin...@idt.net>" said:
>
> >TCurryFan wrote:
> >
> >> >Re: the SuperMom Coke ad:
> >>
> >> I just wanna take the opportunity to say: I like this ad. Yeah, it's
> >>a little Image-y, and notice her outfit just HAPPENS to be red
> >>and silver- Coca-Cola colors- but other than that, I like it.
> >>There, I said it, and I'm proud. I'd say it again if I had to.
> >
> >Stick to your guns, Catherine! Actually, I like it, too. As she's
> >zooming off, she reminds me a little of Jean Grey as Dark
> >Phoenix (my eyes still well up when I read X-Men #137).
>
> hair. (-:
Former. She's dead now (as far as I know). She died in Silver Surfer
#75, but I recently saw a picture of an action figure based on her!
(Nova, that is. Not SuperMom.) (Frankie Raye Nova, not Rich Rider
Nova).
> And the Feminist in me likes watching a woman singlehandedly saving the world.
> (-:
>
> >Noah
> >MST#59539
> >"They were young. They were in love. They were heroes."
>
> I don't have that issue... <sugh>
I'm guessing that's from... Young Heroes in Love?
Phil "I haven't kept up with that one since #2" Russell
Bob Eichler
>=================================================
>The cruise control is set to good ol' 35!,
>
Are you saying that it's now possible to post to Usenet
while driving? As if the cell phones weren't bad enough.
No wonder my psychic friend said she could see a four
car pileup in my future.
-- Bob "Bice
<Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech CRUNCH>
NO CARRIER
Currie1501
currently.n...@forthcoming.com (Jo)(I mean, Nummy Muffin Coocol
Jolene) wrote:
>Somewhere on the home planet of the all-high Sammich-Maker,
>curri...@aol.com (Currie1501) wrote:
>
><snip>
>>>JO: At once, Sir.
><snip>
<scream of horror snipped>
>That's it! I'm changing my moniker to Nummy Muffin Coocol Jolene.
Uh... okay.
>
I
>simply cannot allow myself to be associated with this... this...
This ellipsis? I don't really see what's wrong with it. It's quotation marks
you gotta watch out for. They're *vicious*.
>
> Why must every nickname I've had bring me pain? <dramatic sob>
I'll admit it. We're all in a super-secret conspiracy to make you as
miserable as poss-<sudden burst of sniper fire> AAUGH!
>
>Good MSTing, BTW.
Thank you.
>
>----
>NMCJ
LBJ ALL THE WAY :)
Tom "Look! I've re-redone my sig!" Currie(played in RATMM The Movie by John
Agar, much to Tom's horror)
"Let me explain the intricacies of captialism through this small brown tube."
-Dogbert
Noah Singman
Phil Russell wrote:
Plausible, but it's actually from X-Men #137. After the other X-Men and guests
(Angel, Beast, Colossus, Storm, Wolverine & Nightcrawler) had fallen to Empress
Lilandra's Imperial Guard, Cyclops and Marvel Girl (which is how Jean was dressed)
made a last stand. The narration read (I'm paraphrasing) "Once there was a man
named Scott Summers and a woman named Jean Grey. They were young. They were in
love. They were heroes." And then the Guard converged on them, and reawakened the
Phoenix.
Of course, later, according to the X-Factor story line, we learn that Jean Grey was
never there - it was an alien power which took her form while her body healed from
horrible radiation damage in Jamaica Bay. Marvel used to brag that when their
characters died, they stayed dead. Ha!
Noah
MST#59539
Although I'm glad Magneto never really bought it. The Marvel Universe without him
would be like Neverland without Captain Hook.
TCurryFan
"Noah Singman <sin...@idt.net>" said:
>Although I'm glad Magneto never really bought it. The Marvel
>Universe without him would be like Neverland without Captain
>Hook.
Marry me?
<ok, it's not a Blounge, bit it's close...>
Phil Russell
Noah Singman wrote:
>
> Phil Russell wrote:
>
> > TCurryFan wrote:
> >
> > > "Noah Singman <sin...@idt.net>" said:
> > > >"They were young. They were in love. They were heroes."
> >
> > > I don't have that issue... <sugh>
> >
> > I'm guessing that's from... Young Heroes in Love?
>
> Plausible, but it's actually from X-Men #137. After the other X-Men and guests
> (Angel, Beast, Colossus, Storm, Wolverine & Nightcrawler) had fallen to Empress
> Lilandra's Imperial Guard, Cyclops and Marvel Girl (which is how Jean was dressed)
> made a last stand. The narration read (I'm paraphrasing) "Once there was a man
> named Scott Summers and a woman named Jean Grey. They were young. They were in
> love. They were heroes." And then the Guard converged on them, and reawakened the
> Phoenix.
> Of course, later, according to the X-Factor story line, we learn that Jean Grey was
> never there - it was an alien power which took her form while her body healed from
> horrible radiation damage in Jamaica Bay. Marvel used to brag that when their
> characters died, they stayed dead. Ha!
AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH! Convoluted X-Men storyline... draining my
will to think about comics... Must resist... Must... No use... Only
one... cure...
Phil "I suppose it could be worse... there could be ANGST" Russell
Nummy Muffin Coocol Jolene
>currently.n...@forthcoming.com (Jo)(I mean, Nummy Muffin Coocol
> Jolene) wrote:
<snip>
>> Why must every nickname I've had bring me pain? <dramatic sob>
>
> I'll admit it. We're all in a super-secret conspiracy to make you as
> miserable as poss-<sudden burst of sniper fire> AAUGH!
After reading Roger's suggested additions for the "Words for Female
Masturbation" list, I'm beginning to believe that. :)
<paranoid mode on>
They're all out to get me, man! They're trying to get inside my head,
drive me crazy, man! But it doesn't matter anymore, man, because I
don't care and I'm not gonna let them get to me, man! 'Cause I'm
Paxton-ing big-time, man. Game over, man, game over!
<paranoid mode off>
----
NMCJ (aka Jolene Rose)
Oh, everyone knows that Jolene Just Doesn't Care. :)
E-mail address forthcoming.
TCurryFan
"Noah Singman <sin...@idt.net>" said:
>TCurryFan wrote:
>
>> "Noah Singman <sin...@idt.net>" said:
>>
>> >Although I'm glad Magneto never really bought it. The
>> >Marvel Universe without him would be like Neverland without
>> >Captain Hook.
>>
>> Marry me?
>> <ok, it's not a Blounge, bit it's close...>
>
>Close? It's better (but please don't tell anyone I said that - it'll
>completely clobber my reputation)!
What reput- Oh, THAT reputation.. Ok. (-:
>I'm honored, Catherine, and humbly accept.
Cool. Gee, howmany net.spouses do I have now...
>Noah
>MST#59539
>I'll try and find you an X-Men #137 as a wedding present. :-)
Yes!
Hell, I'd settle for the "X-Men Classics" reprint! (-: