MiSTed: The James Cameron Conspiracy Theory (4/4)

[Roland Warner]

>
> After breaking from the Sons of Belial faction of Freemasonry, James
> Cameron was finally approached by members of the Law of One faction to help

Crow: 70,000 pages later, we reluctantly re-join our conspiracy theory
already
in progress.

> him create one of the most emotionally moving and popular films of all
> time. When Cameron casted actors to fill the roles, the Law of One faction
> helped him find other Law of One members who would make the film a success.

Tom: So, are these the good Freemasons or the bad ones?
Mike: Isn't any organization that wants to rule the world pretty bad?
Crow: Well, I don't know...

>
> Among them were Order of Eastern Star members, Kate Winslet and Gloria
> Stuart for the young Rose and old Rose roles.

Crow: Actually, Rose is Rose.

Mike: On that note, let's go.

[Mike picks up Tom and follows Crow out of the theater.]

[*...1...2...3...4...5...6]

[Crow and Tom are sitting at the table in a heated discussion.]

Crow: Yanno Tom, it's a tought decision of which version of the
Freemasons to join!

Tom: Yeah, the good or the bad side . . . tough decision.

[A rhythmic pounding echoes through the Satellite.]

Crow: What the-

[Mike rushes in.]

Mike: What's that noise, you guys?

Tom: I think it's coming from the Hexfield!

Mike: Right!

[Cambot zooms out and the Hexfield opens to show a tall, white haired,
bearded man standing in view.]

Mike: Hey guys, it's James Cameron, the subject of today's conspiracy!

James: Hey guys, I heard you've been reading that Conspiracy Theory
about me.

Crow: We sure have, Mr. Cameron, and let me tell you, *phew* it reeks!

James: Yeah, it is awful, isn't it? And please, call me James!

Tom: Right, James, tell us, what in the world inspired this libelous
Conspiracy Theory?

James: Oh, it's probably one of those other directors that are mad at me
for yelling "I'm King of the World" at the Oscars. Whoever it is is
probably angry because he didn't get an Oscar. Don't worry, though,
once we find him, we'll make sure he never directs again.

Crow: We?

James: Did I say "we"? I meant me! Yes, just a slip of the tongue,
that's all!

Mike: Uh-huh. So, what was with Furlong and the lip gloss during the
filming of "Terminator 2"?

James: Oh, you know how shiny lips will ruin any movie scene! I mean,
it distracts the person and makes them look at the lips, more than the
special effects. It's not like we want to rule the world or anything.

Tom: Okay, so how would lip gloss contribute to world domination?

James: That's for us and the MK-ULTRA to know, not you. Hey, I gotta
go and finish making my rounds to other people reading this conspiracy
theory. Tonight's pork roast night at the Freemason Lodge!

[The hexfield closes.]

Mike: Well, that certainly was interesting. Guys, don't let that
display of what we just saw affect your opinion of this theory . . . as
a matter of fact, erase the whole thing from your mind.

Crow: Done and done!

Tom: Okay.

[Lights flash, chaos ensues.]

Mike: Ahhhh, we've got Net.Loon.Sign!

[6...5...4...3...2...1...*]

[Mike carries Tom into the theater, followed by Crow.]

Crow: Didn't Mr. Cameron seem a little edgy to anyone?
Mike: I told you to forget it, Crow.

> For the Jack Dawson role,
> Cameron had chose Leonardo Dicaprio, who is a Freemason. He had admitted
> to being a Mason in a 1995 German television interview.

Mike: Freemason, teen heartthrob, King of the World - Leonardo DiCaprio!

> When the reporter
> had pressed forfurther details on the fraternity, Leo became uncomfortable
> and abruptly ended the interview.

Tom: So Leo spilled the beans on his membership in a secret
organization?
Crow: Not so much proof that the organization exists so much that
Leonardo DiCaprio is an idiot.
Mike: That's a revelation I can believe in.

> This was because he's been followed by
> members of the Son's of Belial faction and they've intimidated him into
> silence.

Tom: They forced him to wear lip gloss!
Crow: No!

>
> Cameron himself wouldn't remain completely free from the Sons of Belial
> faction for long. During part of the filming in Nova Scotia, someone had
> spiked clam chowder that was going to be fed to crew members with PCP.

ALL: SUPER FREAK OUT!

> This had sickened many people, including Cameron who's eyes had become as
> red as the eyes of the Terminator.

Mike: [Arnold] He needs a vacation.

> Everyone recovered but more events
> would take place. Another Son of Belial member posing as a Mexican mafia
> hitman had threatened Cameron's life on the Titanic set in Baja, Mexico.

Tom: El Santo! Come quickly, then leave immediately!

>
> In March of 1997 while still shooting Titanic, Cameron had secretly
> traveled to Arizona to become a 32nd Degree Mason at the Masonic lodge in
> downtown Phoenix.

Tom: This may stink, but at least it all ties together...
Crow: You know, he didn't explain where the aliens came from.
Mike: Yeah! Where'd the aliens come from Mr. Know-it-all!?

> On March 13th, 1997, while Cameron was receiving his
> initiation into the 32nd degree from his Law of One allies,

Crow: Hey, one more degree and he can become president!

> millions of
> people had witnessed a large V-shaped formation of "lights" over the city
> of Phoenix.

Crow: Turned out it was just Voyager on a collision course with Ed
Begley Jr.

>
> It's worthy to note that Phoenix is just north of 33° North Latitude and
> it's ancient name was mentioned before in this document as "Fenex".

Crow: You know, our attention spans aren't *that* short.

> 33 is
> very symbolic in Freemasonry since it is the highest degree attainable in
> the fraternity.

Tom: Or maybe the Freemasons are losers and can't get any higher.

> The number of turns in a complete sequence of human DNA
> equals 33.

Mike: It also serves an important function by keeping 32 and 34 from
just
slamming into each other.

> This was deliberately engineered during the "XenoGenesis" as a
> clue to the fact that humans are an engineered species.

Mike: Yeah, that's a big clue.
Tom: I just realized, I have 33 pairs of Fruit of the Looms in my
underwear collection!
Crow: And I crank-call Joe Don Baker at least 33 times a week!

> As historical
> reminders, many sites sacred to the Law of One are located in the vicinity
> of 33° including North America's first Masonic Lodge in Charleston, South
> Carolina as well as the Pyramids of Giza in Egypt which are patterned after
> the constellation of "Orion".

Tom: The pyramids, maybe. Charleston, SC, though...

>
> The lights over Phoenix were part of a large "extra-terrestial" spacecraft
> that was sent from Orion by the "originators".

Tom: GOD's coming back to earth!

> The occupants of the ship
> had warned them that destruction was on the horizon which would be caused
> by the Sons of Belial and their allies from Sirius. After many people
> outside of Freemasonry began making inquiries into the Phoenix Event, the
> spacecraft was deliberately dismissed in the media as "flares" on orders
> from the Sons of Belial.

Mike: Why does a conspiracy always have to cover things up?
Tom: Yeah, what could we really do if a space ship appeared in the sky?
Crow: Exactly, it's not like we could do much more than look.

>
> Upon knowing the entire world was at stake, the Law of One continued to
> help Cameron make Titanic into a "religious experience"

Tom: A religous experience for teenage girls, a long-ass movie for
everyone else.

> and to serve as a
> metaphorical warning to the world of the consequences of the Sons of Belial
> faction taking over with their "New World Order" and moving carelessly into
> the future with only technology.

Crow: Run for your lives, the world's been hit by a really big iceberg!

>
> Under the Sons of Belial, the population of the world would be coerced into
> slavery and finally destruction.

Mike: "Cake and Cable Shutdown II: This Time, It's Personal!"

> Similar ideas of the choice between
> servitude or destruction have been placed in several recent Hollywood
> movies ranging from films like "Independence Day" to "The X-Files Movie"

Crow: The X-Files movie was about conspiracies? Huh, I didn't notice.

> as warnings of the future to come.
>
> The image of this frightening future was first embedded into the minds of
> the public early in the history of the 20th century with the sinking of
> Titanic. The Sons of Belial had deliberately sunk Titanic in 1912 to
> prevent the Law of One from creating world peace.

Crow: Aww, come on, it was a freaking boat!
Mike: Yeah, conspiracy theorists often leave out the simple fact
that sometimes things just screw up.

> Members of the Sons of
> Belial who had access to media outlets had deliberately pushed an agenda in
> the media to give "Titanic" the aura of unsinkability so they could proceed
> with their plans of taking over the world.

Tom: "We'll take over the world by sinking an oppulent passenger liner!
Bwuahahahaha!"
Crow: Yeah, taking over the nations of the world is too overt for a
secret organization.
Mike: Yeah, the problem with secret organizations that they don't know
how to do anything overtly, everything's got to be a secret message.

>
> Before the voyage had begun, a Son of Belial member had met with and
> convinced Captain Smith

Mike: Ah, Captain "I'm gonna sink this bitch!" Smith.
Tom: Ha! That's a classic Mike.

> to ignore any kind of warnings or advisories he
> might receive during the journey and go "full steam ahead" at all costs.
> The name of the member was J.P. Morgan.
>
> In the "official" history books, J.P. Morgan had backed out of his decision
> to sail on Titanic at the last minute because of his wife's "alleged"

Crow: By putting "alleged" in quotes, does he mean it is or isn't true?

> premonition of the sinking of the ship. This was an alibi for Morgan
> because he had taken out one of the world's most expensive insurance
> policies on the ship with help from White Star Lines and Lloyd's of London.
> In the eyes of the Sons of Belial, Titanic needed to be sunk to solidify
> their conquest.

Mike: Now he's just makin' stuff up as he goes.

Tom: They went from sinking ocean liners to forcing Eddie Furlong to
wear
lipgloss, they gotta be thinking where they screwed up.

>
> Lets look at this in perspective.

Crow: Why start now?

> Why would such a tragic event be
> planned? You have to understand who was on the ship.

Mike: Carrot Top, Pauly Shore, Craig Kilborne...

> Several dignitaries
> and influential persons on the ship who were from the Law of One faction
> of Freemasonry were in the process of helping create a global peace and the
> foundations of what would eventually become a "League of Nations" or a
> prelude to the Pax Humana.

Tom: So a bunch of rich bastards and poor Irish potato eaters were
going
to create a new world peace?

> When the ship died in the cold North Atlantic
> sea, the creation of a "League of Nations" nearly died that night but was
> carried on by Law of One members who survived. From reading this it's now
> a fact that those who died on Titanic were homicide victims at the hands of
> the Sons of Belial.

Crow: Or just really unlucky saps.

>
> The very next year in 1913, the Sons of Belial faction of Freemasonry had
> created their own influential organization with the help of J.P. Morgan and
> his friend Nelson Rockefeller. The both of them would use the money from
> Titanic's insurance policy to

Mike: Get seriously drunk.

> create the foundations for the bureaucracy of
> the "New World Order" in 1913. That year the world saw the establishment of
> the "Council on Foreign Relations", an organization which would eventually
> have offshoots like the United Nations in 1948 and the "Trilateral
> Commission" in the 1970's.

Mike: Well, it's now official - a new world's record in paranoia.

>
> By 1914, the Sons of Belial had influenced events which sparked World
> War I. The Law of One had to wait until after the end of the war in 1918
> to begin laying the foundations for the "League of Nations". The war
> between the Law of One and the Sons of Belial would escalate through the
> rest of this century.

Crow: Uh, hello!? Author guy!? Can we get back to Cameron now?

>
> The Wall Street Crash of 1929, the rise of the Third Reich and Adolf
> Hitler, World War II, the Holocaust, the creation of nuclear weapons, the
> rise of Communist China, the Korean War, the Cold War, the Cuban Missile
> Crisis, the Kennedy assassination(located on 33° North Latitude in Dallas
> Texas), the Gulf of Tonkin incident and the Vietnam War, and the Gulf War
> were caused by the Sons of Belial to wear down the Law of One.

Mike: Oh, now he's just running out of ideas of how to put these world
crises in to one Conspiracy Theory.
> The Law of
> One has responded to these events in various ways including putting humans
> on the Moon in 1969. So far they have have prevented the world from
> sinking into the abyss.

Crow: The Abyss! That's a Cameron movie!
Mike: Finally, we're back on track.

> Here in the present, the Sons of Belial tried to
> destroy the Titanic movie in the media by deliberately creating bad press,
> but they failed in their efforts when the movie became a hit.

Tom: So, The moon landing and "Titanic" was all that the side of good
was able to accomplish in the last thirty years, what losers.

> The number of Oscar nominations received by "Titanic" had explained the Law
> of One's influence on the "religious experience" side while the MK-ULTRA
> technology held by the Sons of Belial influenced the films subliminal
> imagery and created repeated viewing by audience members to the point of
> the film taking in 1 Billion dollars.

Mike: Conspiracy theories also don't allow for the fact that something
might be popular on thier own merits.
Tom: Well the guys who write 'em aren't popular, so they figure
anything
that is poular must be the product of some sinister force.
Crow: Makes sense!

> The success of Titanic created a
> rewarding situation for Cameron who was now a 32nd Degree Mason.

Crow: Arnold Schwarzenegger *is* "32nd Degree Mason!"

> In
> August of 1997 he had married Linda Hamilton, who played Sarah Connor in
> Terminator 2 and is also a member of the Order of the Eastern Star.

Tom: Not to mention a stone cold babe, *rrrrrowrrr*!

> His
> success would escalate to the the Oscars.
>
> The Academy Awards was held at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles on
> March 23rd of 1998. The building was built in 1927 by The Ancient Arabic
> Order of the Nobles of the Mystic Shrine, better known as the Shriners.

Mike: Yes, the ancient mystic culture that believed in riding around
in little cars with funny hats.
Tom: Somehow I don't think the Shriners themselves actually built the
auditorium.

> The Shriners are an organization which admits only 32nd degree Masons and
> was founded in New York City in the 1870's by American actor William
> Florence.
>
> Upon entering the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, James Cameron was
> instated as a 33rd Degree Mason.

Crow: Who knew he'd be the millionth shopper?

> Titanic had won 11 Oscars, and the
> categories in which it won had shown where the Law of One and the Sons of
> Belial had influence.

Tom: Thank God the masons have no influence in the good categories!
Crow: "Best Animated Short" is safe.

> When Cameron picked up the Oscar for Best Picture,
> he had told the audience of 1 Billion people that "we're here tonight to
> celebrate the magic of movies". That statement was given to expose
> MK-ULTRA's connections to the film industry.

Mike: Of Course!
Crow: No one in the film industry would ever say anything trite
or cliche! It must have a hidden meaning!

> Cameron had also said the
> message of Titanic is "the unthinkable can happen, the future is
> unknowable, and the only thing we truly own is today

Tom: Well, that and the house in the Catskills.

> and that life
> is precious".
>
> This was a veiled warning about the Sons of Belials plans for our future
> and Cameron knows of the destruction that's coming from their "New World
> Order" which includes an invasion of Earth by allies of the Sons of Belial
> from Sirius.

Mike: Is this really annoying you guys?
Crow: Uh-huh.
Tom: Oh yeah!

> Finally, Cameron asked everybody to observe a moment of
> silence for the victims on Titanic. It was very obvious at this point that
> he had broken free from the grip of the Sons of Belial faction of
> Freemasonry and had sided with the Law of One.

Tom: Then he proclaimed himself "King of the World".
Mike: Ego trumps humanitarianism.

>
> The Sons of Belial and their "consortium" have made their next move by
> trying to corrupt James Cameron with money by giving him $100 Million
> dollars from the profits made by Titanic. Whether Cameron is swayed will
> depend on whether he stays "square" in all of his business dealings and
> circumscribes his passions with a moral "compass". The Sons of Belial will
> be waiting for him.

Crow: The end of that paragraph read like a horoscope.

>
> On an end note, anyone who tries to debunk or dismiss this document,
> whether they are psychiatrists, government agents, skeptics, secret society
> members or just plain ignoramuses who laugh at this, will forever prove the
> information true.

Tom: He better not be talking about us!
Mike: Well, we just proved it *really really* true!

>
> This document is delivered by C.S.M.

Mike: The Confederate States of Malaysia?
Crow: The Caring Sisters of Mayonnaise?
Tom: California Shallot Monopoly?

> to bring the truth to reality and to
> forever change the course of human history.

Crow: I know that changed some of my views.
Mike: Really?
Crow: Yeah, now I'm going to stay *50* feet away from paranoid
schitzophrenics.

>
>
> Morning Star the Light Bearer

Tom: Gee, shouldn't *everyone* have a subscription?

> __________________________________________________________________
>
> REALITY IS WHAT YOU BELIEVE

Mike: Then why tell us what *you* believe?

>
> NOT WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK

Crow: Or what I want you to believe!

>
> HISTORY IS SHATTERED FOREVER

Tom: They just destroyed the last copy of "Through the Looking Glass".

>
> BECAUSE THE PARADIGM SHIFT IS HERE

All: BURMA SHAVE!

Tom: Yanno, Mike, I've just been inspired!
Mike: What do you mean, Tom?
Tom: Let's go, I'll show you outside.

[Mike picks up Tom and they exit the theater]

[*...1...2...3...4...5...6]

[Mike is sitting in front of the table, and Crow is behind it.]

Crow: Now presenting: "The Conspiracies of James Cameron" brought to
you by Tom Servo!

[Crow ducks down and Tom pops up. Music from "The Countries of the
World" from the "Animaniacs" starts playing.]

Tom: Free-masons and Roswell and Dentists using Mind Control, then
there's Man on the moon,
Roswell, Watergate, Titanic, Jesus, God, and Satan too!

Red Scare, McCarthy, Aliens, Fenex, Nixon, World War Two
Shriners, Son of Belial, the Great Depression, the problems lobotomies
do!

United Nations, Black Helicopters, Hitler, Fenex, Atlantis, it's all
gone!
Watergate, Gulf War, Holocaust, Communism, the Law of One.

[Tom dances through the jingle.]

Nations both leagued and united, Cuban Missile Crisis
Genisis, bluebird, artichoke, Noah, Osiris and Isis!

MK-Search, MK-Ultra, America, psychiatrists, oh my!
Termintar, Abyss, Strange Days, Roger Corman die die die!

There's lip Gloss, Oscars, Acronyms, Furlong, Lightstorm, the Great
Depression,
31, 32, 33 degrees, Pyschic Driving created by the Consortium!

[Tom starts dancing a little faster as the music picks up.]

Presidents, Reagan, Bush, Washington, 33rd won't go higher
33 turns of DNA, along 33rd lattitude rules the Shriner

Furlong, Arnold, Linda, J.P., Harris, Winslet, Leon!
All with Eastern Stars, Sons of Belial or the Law of One!

PCP, Titanic Crew wasted, Cameron's eyes have been terminated!
Useless facts, paranoia, note that terminated comes from exterminated!

[Servo's all over the table, dancing as the music speeds up even
faster.]

Phoenix, Arizona, South Carolina, Pyramids resembling Orion!
Charleston, 33rd lattitude, spacecraft merely flares, everything's
gone!

"Independence Day", "X-Files" Movie, all in on the conspiracy I hear!
The fact that there's so much crap involved here makes my eye tear!

Mr. Cameron, don't cry, don't worry, it's all made up, we hope
It's weird how so much of this can be made up and how [struggles]
I can sing all the consipracies made up by a moronically
stupid dope!

[Finally, he collapses.]

Tom: Mike, help me. I think the Freemasons have taken control over me!

Mike: [Gets up and comforts Tom] Poor guy! [The Mads Light flashes]
See what you've done, Pearl!

[Castle Forrester]

Pearl: By jove, I've DONE IT! I BROKE HIS SPIRITS! Brain Guy, prepare
to
distribute "The James Cameron Conspiracy Theory" out among the world!

Observer: What?

Pearl: You know, the thing they just watched. I'm sure we can sneak it
into the Starr Report or something.

Observer: Um, you remember those Brain Flashes I was having?

Pearl: You didn't . . .

Observer: Sadly, yes, I accidentally destroyed all remnants of it
because
it was too powerful.

Pearl: Why you little-

Observer: Ah, before you do anything, I must warn you that I'm very
sensitive
right now, and any decisive blow to my body could destroy my
brain.

Pearl: Well, maybe you'd like go to your room and watch "Hobgoblins"
again?

Observer: Oh, please no! I don't think I could stand watching the 80s
again!

Pearl: Then find me the "James Cameron Conspiracy Theory".

Observer: I'll try . . . [Brain music plays. Observer passes out.]

Pearl: Great, now what am I going to do? [She thinks for a moment, and
her eyes brighten.] Oh, Bobo!

-----

Editor: Roland Warner
Co-MiSTers: Bill Livingston
Bart "Pete Plum" Fargo (who wished for his copy to be known as
"The Pete Plum Remix")

With apologies to Freemasons all over the world.
Don't worry, we won't tell anyone.

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and characters are © 1998 Best Brains Inc.

-----

> James Cameron continued on from his short-film project to enter the world of
> Roger Corman.