[MiSTied]: 'Encounters' (1/6)
hei...@imap2.asu.edu
My First MiSTing...and Welcome to it.
Group MiSTing:
Sarah Heiner (aka bookworm), ed.
Dave Rood (aka Surrealist)
Petrea Mitchell (aka Mitchell)
Well, here it is, folks...I've *finally* completed this MiSTing of the epic saga
entitled 'Encounters,' by Douglas Alfred Wu. Any comments, criticisms,
critiques, and congratulations should be sent to me, Al Franken...err...me,
Sarah Heiner, at hei...@asu.edu. Keep in mind, however, that I'm leaving for
a two-week vacation tomorrow, so I won't get back to you for a while. If you
absolutely, positively, need to have me read your (in all likelihood) excellent
comments, I can be reached at Hei...@aol.com (please don't hold that against
my dad...he's not the stereotypical AOL'er). There may be some spelling
errors in here...I was going to proofread it this morning, but I had a horrid
case of insomnia last night, and it's hard enough to read what I'm typing!
BTW, I'm ignoring the last Season 7 episode. Why? Because I want to.
So there.
[insert Season 7 theme...]
[*...1...2...3...4...5...6...]
[SOL-Mike walks in and sets a large stack of games boxes down on the table.]
Mike: Oh, hi everyone. Welcome to the Satellite of Love. I'm sure we'll be
getting some horrific post soon, so I decided to try to relax a bit
before then. [raises his voice] Hey Crow! Tom! Want to play a
game?
[Crow and Tom shoosh in from either side.]
Crow: What game? 'Bot-pile on the human?
Mike: No, Crow. I found all these games in the hall closet. How about...
[grabs the top box] Yahtzee?
Tom: Well...you have to promise to play fair. We can't shake the dice, after
all.
Mike: Sure, sure. [He opens the box, grabs a handful of dice, and rolls them
onto the table.] Let's see...1,1,5...7 and 16? What gives?
Crow: Oh, yeah. We couldn't find more than three regular dice, so we threw
in a couple 20-sided dice.
Mike: This isn't going to work. [He chucks the Yahtzee box and dice beneath
the desk and grabs a deck of cards.] How about blackjack?
Tom and Crow: Yeah, cool!
[Mike deals out three cards facedown.]
Mike: Now for the show cards...Queen of hearts for Tom...
Tom [singing]: Playing with the queen of hearts/ and knowin' it ain't really
smart...
Mike: You *know* I hate that song, Tom. Let's see...nine of spades for Crow,
and for me... [throws down a card in front of him] the five of
Pentacles?
Tom: Yeah, we were short a few cards in the deck, so we put in some Tarot cards.
Mike: Uh, guys...do we have any *whole* games? What about [pulls another
box off the stack] Pit?
Crow: Nope. Combined that with Magic.
Mike [pulls down another box]: Othello?
Tom: Combined that with Concentration.
Mike: Chess?
Tom: Combined that with Dungeons and Dragons.
[Commercial light starts flashing.]
Mike: We'll be back in a few. I *might* have this straightened out by then.
[He hits the light.]
[Commercials. You know the drill. Have you...you know? 'Cause I'd hate to
have to stop the post for...you know.]
[We're back. Mike is madly snatching game box after game box off the stack.]
Mike: Scrabble?
Crow: The only tiles we have left are ones that spell out 'forty-two.' Go fig.
Mike: Monopoly?
Tom: Combined that with Careers. Sorry.
Mike: What about the Stratego set? That was fine not too long ago!
Crow: Gypsy got into that last week. We've combined it now with Rummikub.
Mike: Well, then. Any suggestions?
Tom and Crow: Ummmm... [They think for a bit.]
Tom: Chutes 'n Ladders!
Crow: Yeah! That hasn't lost any parts!
Mike: All right then. Chutes 'n Ladders it is!
[He pulls out the bottom box, sending the other boxes crashing to the floor.
But just as they've set it up and are about to start, the red light starts
flashing.]
Mike: Oh, great. Parker and Davis are calling! [He hits the Mads' light.]
[Deep 13]
[We see a number of couches and chairs occupying Deep 13's floor space.
They're drawn together to form a large square. Dr. Forrester walks in and
tosses some spare throw pillows on the couches.]
Dr. F: Hello, you gamesters of Triskelion. Excuse me if I'm a bit distracted.
Mother, for who knows what reason, has decided to have a family
reunion here. I must say, I'm *not* looking forward to it. I turned
to mad science to get *away* from them!
Mrs. F [offstage]: Clayton, what *did* you do with all those nice sets of
sheets I sent you?
Dr. F [raising his voice]: They're in the linen closet, of course! Where else
would they be? [sotto voce] Actually, this place doesn't *have* a
linen closet, but I'm not going to tell her.
[SOL]
Mike [to the 'bots]: Hey maybe this means no experiment today!
Crow: All right! Chutes 'n Ladders marathon!
[Deep 13]
Dr. F: C'mon, when have I ever been too distracted to send you an experiment?
[He suddenly draws himself up straight] Besides, do you know how long
I've worked on this post?!
[SOL]
[all]: Huh?
[Deep 13]
Dr. F [shaking his head as if to clear it]: Sorry about that. I sometimes get
the feeling I'm speaking for someone else. At any rate, your
experiment today proves that there are other writers on
alt.startrek.creative just as bad as Ratliff. This posting is
guaranteed to be longer and more boring than the worst family
reunion you've ever endured. Enjoy! [The doorbell rings.
Dr. F. is less than enthusiastic.] Ah. That must be Cousin Fred
and his family. Mother said they were always early.
[Dr. F. goes and opens the door. In steps a young, tall, dark-haired woman
dressed in 1920's styles (bobbed hair, A-line dress, thigh-length necklace)
and carrying a suitcase. She speaks in a soft British accent.]
Flora: You must be Cousin Clayton. I'm Cousin Flora, Robert Forrester's child.
You may have heard about the deaths of my parents. Your mother was
kind enough to invite me to stay here for a while.
Dr. F: Motherrr!!
[Dr. F. storms off in search of her. As he passes the console, he slams at a
button.]
[SOL--the usual shaking, flickering, etc.]
[all]: We've got a.s.c. sign!
[6...5...4...3...2...1...*]
[All enter theater and sit down.]
> From news.asu.edu!asuvax!cs.utexas.edu!math.ohio-state.edu!magnus.acs.ohio-
> state.edu!usenet.ins.cwru.edu!cleveland.Freenet.Edu!fh625
> Wed Oct 4 14:16:26 1995
> Path: news.asu.edu!asuvax!cs.utexas.edu!math.ohio-state.edu!magnus.acs.ohio-
> state.edu!usenet.ins.cwru.edu!cleveland.Freenet.Edu!fh625
> From: fh...@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Douglas A. Wu)
> Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
> Subject: Star Trek *: Encounters: Fan Fiction: Act I Part I
Tom: *Void where prohibited.
> Date: 30 Sep 1995 14:16:30 GMT
> Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
> Lines: 884
[all goggle for a moment]
Mike: And this is just *Part 1*?
Crow: This is gonna hurt...
> Message-ID: <44jjfu$8...@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu>
> NNTP-Posting-Host: piglet.ins.cwru.edu
>
>
> Star Trek:
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Tom: This sums it up pretty well.
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Encounters
Crow: Hmmm...this may not be so bad after all!
Mike [places a hand on Crow’s shoulder]: I doubt that’s what the author had in
mind.
Crow: Mike, hope is what keeps us going.
Tom: Hear, hear!
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Tom: Uh...huh.
Crow: must be a 'Voyager' fanfic.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> By Douglas Alfred Wu
>
> Governors Manor, Apt. 8
> 400 N. Main St.
> Fostoria, OH 44830
Mike: Clayton Fostoria?
> 419-435-6734
> (fh...@cleveland.freenet.edu)
>
> Characters
Mike [announcer’s voice]: And here’s the 1996 Minnesota Gophers football team,
with head coach...
> Admiral Jean-Luc Picard
Mike [same]: And assistant coach...
> Admiral James Bruce
Crow [same]: Today’s starting quarterback...
> Captain William T. Riker
Crow [same]: And offensive linemen...
> Commander Data, first officer
> Commander Beverly Crusher
> Commander Deanna Troi
Tom [same]: Starting at center...
> Lieutenant Commander Worf
Tom [same]: With wide receivers...
> Commander Geordi La Forge
> Security Chief Sowards
> Transporter Chief Bennett
Crow [same]: And the running backs...
> Ensign at Helm and Navigation
> Mr. McIntyre, Commander La Forge's assistant
Mike [same]: And the rest of your 1996 Minnesota Gophers!
[All make breathy cheering noises, such as you would hear over the radio.]
> Extras playing Enterprise's Starfleet Officers
> Guinan
> Wesley, the Traveler
> Aridians, the Aliens
> Bron, a Bajoran Prisoner
> Rico, a Bajoran Prisoner
> Cardassian Intelligence Officer
Crow: I'm glad *someone* in this story will be thinking.
> Cardassian Subordinate
> Cardassian Guards
> Klingon in dream sequence
Tom: Do Klingons dream of warrior sheep?
> Worf's three children, a boy and a girl and Alexander,
Mike: The little-known third Klingon gender.
> in the dream sequence
>
> Act I
>
> Space Shot.
>
> An Asteroid in Space.
Tom: Progressively longer sentence fragments tantalize the reader.
> The audience sees an asteroid traveling through space from a
> great distance.
Mike: Hey, the Ghost Planet!
> The camera skims the surface of the asteroid.
> Artificial features of the asteroid become apparent.
Tom: The audience, of course, will be familiar enough with planetary science
to distinguish the artificial features.
>
>The asteroid is, in fact, an ark in space.
Crow: So, the Cybermen finally made Nerva crash, eh?
> The builders of the
> ark hollowed it out and placed a civilization inside.
Mike: Thus forming the prologue for _Eon_.
> Metallic
> protrusions on the asteroid's surface are the ark's sensors and
> navigation instruments.
Crow: Mike, why does that asteroid have protrusions?
Mike: You see, Crow, when a mommy asteroid and a daddy asteroid love each
other very, very much...
>
> The movie's musical theme accompanies the movie's opening shot.
Tom: Douglas has certainly thought of everything, hasn’t he?
Crow: What about a plot?
Mike: It’s early yet...let’s wait and see.
> The musical theme quickly gives way to a menacing theme.
[All start humming the theme to ‘Jaws.’]
> The
> audience has to have the feeling Earth is in danger.
Tom: Oh, that’s certainly easy, considering that the Earth hasn’t even been
mentioned yet!
>
> Inside the Ark.
Crow: Row upon row of bodies in white leotards.
Tom: The TARDIS materializes.
Mike: Guys, it's not Nerva.
>
> The camera travels inside the ark. Soft-focus lenses create
> blurry images of the Aridians because it is hard to create aliens
> that look realistic.
Tom: Ooooh, is the great Douglas Alfred Wu going to deliver a stinging
indictment of Star Trek’s costuming abilities?
Mike: You must admit, he’s got a point.
Crow: Yeah! Look at the Horta...just a smaller version of the alien in ‘The
Creeping Terror.’
Tom: But Douglas’s solution is to hide his inadequacies!
> Low-pitched throbbing sounds accompany
> situations inside the ark.
Crow: What situations?
Mike: You know...situations.
Crow: Oh, I see...huh?
>
> Aridians' Council Chamber.
>
> Council members sit around a large circular table in a dimly lit
> room. They talk about a recent discovery made by the ark's
> sensors.
Tom: 15,849 copies of _Playboy_!
>
> Voice 1
>
> We, the Aridians,
Mike: do solemnly swear...
> have searched long and hard for a world to
> colonize. Now, a blue-white world named Earth appears on the
> ark's sensors.
>
> Council Chamber's Viewscreen displays an Image of Earth from
> Space.
>
> Voice 2
>
> Humans inhabit the planet.
Mike [as Voice 1]: What are humans?
Crow [as Voice 2]: I don't know. I just made that up.
>
> Voice 3
>
> I'm studying electronic images of humans' society and culture.
Tom: That’s right, completely ignore literature and art. TV’s the only way to
go.
> Their images of themselves indicate they're a race of savages.
Mike: C’mon, it’s just a hockey game!
> I'm confident they'll assimilate our way of life during our
> colonization of Earth.
>
> Voice 4
>
> An Earth starship has detected the ark. Humans will be sending
> emissaries soon.
Tom: A fleet of Benjamin Siskos is quickly mobilized!
>
> Voice 5
>
> Our weapons systems will be ready to strike their homes if their
> emissaries choose to come in anger instead of peace.
Mike: Oh sure, destroying their homes is bad...
Crow: But if you really want to tick them off, hit their shopping malls!
>
> Council Chamber's Viewscreen displays a Large Map of the Star
> System.
>
> Voice 6
>
> We must maintain the element of surprise at all costs to
> guarantee our colonization of Earth is successful. We should
> engage the ark's star drive inside Earth's border with Cardassia
Mike: ...the heck? Cardassia’s nowhere *near* Earth!
Crow and Tom: Fanboy! Faaaaanboy!
Mike: Knowledge of basic Star Trek geography does *not* make me a fanboy!
> even though the ark's fuel reserves are low. Presently, the ark
> is approaching the border at sublight velocity.
Tom: We decided to pick up some tacos.
>
> Voice 1
>
> Council members, I appreciate your analyses of the situation.
Mike: But I’ve decided that you’re all wrong. You’re fired.
> The
> electronic images we see of humans' society and culture are old.
> Maybe they've changed their ways in the intervening years. We'll
> listen to what humans have to say about themselves and then come
> to a decision.
Crow: Geez, this is the femmiest invasion force ever!
> Meanwhile, we'll begin preparing our people for
> their meeting with the emissaries.
>
> A Wide-Angle Shot of the San Francisco Bay at Twilight.
>
> The sun is setting behind the Golden Gate Bridge. It is rush
> hour. Shuttles whistle by the bridge at high rates of speed.
Tom [announcer’s voice]: Traffic is really stacked up over the Golden Gate. An
alternate route is suggested.
>
> The City.
>
> The camera films futuristic San Francisco.
Mike: Which looks exactly like modern San Francisco, only with toy spaceships
flying around in the background.
> It is the city where
> ambassadors of the member planets of the United Federation of
> Planets have converged. Conflict and violence are words that
> have no meaning in the 24th century. The buoyant musical theme
> reflects the peacefulness of the universe in the 24th century.
[all snickering]
Mike: I guess Douglas has decided to completely ignore the Klingons, the
Romulans...
Tom: The Dominion...
Crow: The Borg...
Mike: The Zankathe...
Crow and Tom: The *what*?
Mike: The aliens mentioned in DS9’s second season finale.
Crow and Tom: Fanboy! Faaaaanboy!
>
> Starfleet Headquarters.
>
> The setting sun is casting long shadows on Starfleet
> Headquarters' main building. The Federation flag flies high
> above it. It is an old building that looks out of place in the
> 24th century. The building could have been a court building or a
> performance hall in an earlier age.
>
> The building reflects Starfleet's philosophy.
Crow: Squat and blocky.
> Timeless values,
> such as compassion and forgiveness, are very much a part of
> Starfleet in the 24th century. The musical theme conveys the
> values of Starfleet to the audience
Tom: Very poetic, but how the heck can buildings and music reflect values?!
Mike: Calm down, Tom! It’s just someone getting a little too carried away.
> because of the dearth of
> dialogue in this situation.
Crow: Or the dearth of dialogue in this fanfic.
>
> Main Entrance.
>
> A man wearing an admiral's uniform is walking briskly. He
> carries a briefcase. The man is climbing what seems like an
> endless number of steps to the main entrance.
[all start humming the theme to ‘Rocky’]
> The situation
> starts with a close-up of the figure from the back, then the
> camera pulls back.
Crow [as admiral]: Get that camera view off my butt! Now!
>
> Inside Starfleet Headquarters.
>
> He walks into the near empty building and shows his ID badge to a
> receptionist. The receptionist
Mike: ...tells him to take a number.
> says, "Admiral Bruce, Admiral
> Picard is expecting you."
>
> Admiral Picard's Office.
>
> Admiral Picard is working late in his office.
Tom [falsetto and crying]: That's what they always say...you're having an
affair, aren't you?
> Jean-Luc Picard
> decided to become a Starfleet Admiral after the destruction of
> Enterprise-D.
Mike: That makes sense...promote the ones who screw up.
Tom: The Peter Principle at work.
> He felt it was his duty to become an admiral.
> Besides, there were not any more Galaxy-class starships for him
> to command on missions of exploration and diplomacy. Now, he is
> a bureaucrat pushing papers and giving orders to starship
> captains in space.
Crow: As opposed to what...giving orders to papers and pushing starship
captains?
> Admiral Picard would go into space if asked
> by Starfleet. He has fond memories of his days on Enterprise.
>
> On his desk are mementos of his experiences as captain. The
> office is dimly lit except a light on his desk. The only
> background noise in the office is the throbbing of the building's
> heating and cooling system.
Tom: Accompanied by certain...situations.
>
> The Door beeps.
>
> Admiral Bruce enters the Office.
Crow [sarcastic]: Sure, just let yourself in!
>
> Admiral Bruce would like to go on the mission he is
> assigning Admiral Picard. Unfortunately, the admiral is too old.
> He speaks with a tinge of jealously in his voice.
>
> On the other hand, Admiral Picard becomes very excited when he
> hears he is going into space again. He asks for mission command
> of the newly completed Enterprise-E.
Mike: Well, that was nice. On to the next scene.
>
> Bruce
>
> Jean-Luc, it's good to see you.
[all]: Huh?
>
> Picard
>
> James, what brings you to my office? (They shake Hands.)
Mike [as Admiral Bruce]: Great selection, low prices.
>
> Bruce
>
> We need you to command a first contact mission.
Crow: We'd like you to make first contact with the plot.
> A Magellan-class
> starship
Tom: Orbiting Venus?
Mike: That wasn’t a starship, Tom.
Tom: Oh. Shucks.
> and deep space probes have detected an alien ship
Crow: With RADAR!
Mike: I told you...that’s not the same thing!
> on a
> heading for Earth. Here are your orders. (Admiral Bruce hands
> Admiral Picard a PDD.)
>
> Picard (Glances at the PDD.)
Mike [as Picard]: Fifty Big Macs, 47 Quarter Pounders with cheese, 52
hamburgers, 163 large fries...do I have to get lunch for the whole
building?!
>
> Can you assign Enterprise to the first contact mission?
>
> Bruce
>
> She's ready for space trials.
Crow: ‘Space Trials,’ with Judge Wapner!
> Yes. We could assign her to the
> mission if you like.
Mike [as Bruce]: I mean, if you really *want* to use an untested vessel in a
touchy situation...
>
> Picard
>
> It's been a long time since I've been on a starship named
> Enterprise. (He smiles.)
>
Tom: So...Wu explained what the conversation was about, then gave us the
conversation.
Crow: Yep.
Tom: Think he’ll do that through the whole fanfic?
Crow: Probably.
Tom: This is going to be fun...*not*!
> A Planet Beyond Time and Space.
Tom: ‘Planet: Above and Beyond.’
Crow: A planet where apes...aw, never mind.
>
> An endless void surrounds the planet. Just outside the void is a
> dimensional passageway surrounded by sentient spheres of
> pure energy.
Tom: How can anything be outside an endless void?!
Mike: Tom, calm down.
Tom: It’s *impossible*! It doesn’t make any sense!!
Crow: And that’s impossible in a fanfic?
Tom: Oh. Good point. Sorry, guys.
>
> The Camera skims the Planet's Surface.
>
> Long Shot of a Small House.
Crow: ...with a Round Peg in a Square Keyhole.
>
> The Camera travels Inside.
>
> Wesley, the Traveler, is on the house's floor
Crow: ...wishing he hadn’t gone to that party!
Mike: Crow!
> meditating with a
> fellow traveler. The house is his home when he is not exploring
> the universe and higher planes of existence.
>
>He has a vision of Enterprise trying to enter warp space but
>failing miserably.
Crow: That’s a plot twist I could live with!
>
> Wesley (Talking to a fellow Traveler.)
>
> My friends from a previous life will be in danger soon.
Crow: Hey, does that mean Wesley died?
Mike: We can hope...but I doubt it.
>
> Traveler
>
> How do you know?
>
> Wesley
>
> I just had a vision of their future. I saw Enterprise going to
> warp space and then phasing to this place.
Mike [as Yoda]: Through the force, things you will see.
>
> Traveler
>
> You've told me about your days on Enterprise. Does your mother
> still serve on Enterprise?
>
> Wesley
>
> The vision was unclear. Maybe, I don't know.
Crow: Maybe, I don’t care.
Tom: Maybe, I’m an annoying character brought back to be a deus ex machina
and talking to you in a scene straight from ‘Star Wars!’
Mike: Calm down, Tom. We’re barely into this one! I don’t want to lose you
this early.
Tom: All right, Mike. I’ll try.
>
> Traveler
>
> They'll be in grave danger if they phase through the dimensional
> rift that surrounds our planet.
Tom: How, exactly?
Crow: Well, stuff will happen.
>
> Wesley
>
> They'll need help returning home.
>
> Traveler
>
> I know. They don't belong here. Can you help them?
Tom [singing]: Traveler, can you hear me? Traveler, can you see me?
>
> Wesley
>
> Yes, I think so.
>
> Traveler
>
> You'll be putting yourself in great danger if you go to their
> aid. Your abilities as a traveler are limited. Wesley, you
> can't manipulate space and time as easily as I or Ver can.
Mike [in whining Wesley voice]: Oh sure, rub that in, why don’t you?
> One
> day you'll have masterly of the universe's fundamental forces.
> You must be patient.
Tom [as Alec Guiness]: Don’t give in to hate.
Crow: Yeah, once you start down the fanfic path...
[Mike and Tom snicker]
>
> Wesley
>
> I can't wait for that day. Enterprise will need my help soon.
Crow: Why don't *you* help out, Mr. I'm-So-Advanced?
>
> Traveler
>
> Remember, Enterprise's crew will have distorted thoughts of home.
> You must focus their thoughts to manipulate space and time
> successfully on their journey home.
Mike [as Yoda]: Con-cen-trate!
>
> Wesley
>
> I'll begin preparing myself for their arrival.
>
> Spacedock.
>
> The Camera films Enterprise.
Crow: Just so long as they don’t film ‘Enterprized.’
Tom: Yaaaaah!
Mike: Don’t *say* that!
Crow: Sorry.
>
> Enterprise's Primary Hull.
>
> Enterprise is ready for space trials after many years of work. A
> person in a space suit is finishing the lettering U.S.S.
> Enterprise NCC 1701-E on the ship's primary hall. She's hours
> away from clearing space dock.
>
> Enterprise is the prototype of a new class of starships.
Tom: Question is, is it a *working* prototype?
Crow: I hope *not*.
> It is
> faster and sleeker than the old Enterprise. A larger crew and
> their families serve aboard the starship.
Tom: Yes, now Starfleet can drag even *more* civilians into harm's way!
> Its mission is
> exploration of the galaxy and diplomacy. Occasionally,
> Enterprise will patrol Federation borders and serve as the
> flagship of task forces.
Mike: And sometimes it’ll act as a catering service when other work is slow.
>
> Inside Enterprise.
>
> Captain Riker is prowling Enterprise's Decks.
>
> Captain William T. Riker is touring
Crow: Europe, to sellout crowds!
> the comfortable and cheerful
> decks of Enterprise. He walks with a forceful stride and quickly
> passes busy Starfleet officers on the decks. Captain Riker is
> very happy to be captain of Enterprise. He has waited too long
> and has sacrificed too much for command of Enterprise.
Mike: And finally gained it, with the help of a mysterious man named Morden...
>
> Captain Riker is not about to let anyone take command of the
> ship's missions or command of the ship away from him.
Tom [singing like Astaire]: Oh, no, they can’t take that away from me!
> The
> musical theme reflecting the captain's personality gives way to
> his narration of the captain's log.
Mike: So, what sort of musical theme do you envision for Riker?
Crow: I was thinking along the lines of ‘Chopsticks’ played on a toy piano.
Tom [laughing]: Good one!
>
> "Years ago, after Enterprise-D's demise, my friends went their
> separate ways. Deanna Troi and Worf decided to teach at
> Starfleet Academy and pursue a relationship. They are now
> married.
[all]: Eeeewwwww!
> Geordi La Forge went to the Daystrom Institute. He,
> with Dr. Leah Brahms' help, developed Enterprise-E's warp core.
> Dr. Beverly Crusher became director of Starfleet Medical for the
> second time.
Mike: ...after they forgave her for the novelty cake incident.
> Data decided to leave Starfleet and further his
> creator's research in artificial life. Starfleet promoted
> Jean-Luc Picard, from captain to admiral at his insistence. It
> wasn't easy, but I managed to recruit Deanna, Worf, Geordi,
> Beverly, and Data for a tour of duty aboard Enterprise.
Crow [as Riker]: We're calling ourselves 'The New Monkees.'
> I look
> forward to serving with these talented Starfleet officers on the
> missions to come."
Tom [as Riker] Especially as I have no talent of my own.
>
> Captain Riker visits Sick Bay and Psychology.
>
> He has kind words for Dr. Crusher in sick bay and Counselor Troi
> in her office. Sick bay offices and psychology offices look
> similar to ones on Enterprise-D.
Mike: Sure saves on set design.
>
> Holodeck Three.
Crow: So they can spend the money here.
>
> First Officer Data and Commander La Forge are running an
> engineering simulation. They are working at a brightly lit
> workstation near the warp core.
>
> The Lights dim.
Mike: The projector flickers into life, and they start watching ‘Airplane!’
>
> Suddenly, klaxons begin to ring loudly in engineering. The
> situation in the normally calm engine room turns chaotic. The
> main computer tells the senior officers they have lost
> matter-antimatter containment in the warp core.
Tom: By the end of the sentence, the ship has exploded.
> Matter and
> antimatter are combining at an uncontrollable rate in the core.
> Reports of confusion and disorder are coming from all over the
> ship.
Tom: ‘Sir, the computer reports that Spamking has spoofed our server and it’s
going down in a sea of complaints!’
Crow: ‘Security reports that a bowl of Christmas pudding has been irradiated
and has eaten three people!’
Mike: ‘Worst of all, the captain has just told me we’re out of Smarties!’
[all gasp]
Tom: Oh, the horror of it!
>
> People are running through engineering trying to contain a
> coolant leak venting from the core. The two Starfleet officers
> begin going through their options. The music turns menacing to
> heighten the sense of danger. Slo-motion, quick edits and
> steadicam camera techniques visually create the danger the ship
> is facing.
Crow: Or they give the audience a 'Sidehackers' flashback.
>
> La Forge
>
> (Yelling.) We have to eject the core.
Tom: That's a very refined yell.
>
> Data
>
> The system is off line.
>
> La Forge
>
> Ok. We have to evacuate the lower decks and separate engineering from
> the saucer section.
Crow [as Data]: Nope, that's off-line too. Go fish!
>
> Data
>
> No, I've an idea. I can contain the breech if I neutralize the
> matter stream in the plasma conduit.
>
> La Forge
>
> The radiation in the plasma conduit will damage your circuits
> beyond repair.
>
> Data
>
> It has to be done. I alone can do this. Therefore
Mike [as Data]: I'm in a good position to renegotiate my contract.
> it's logical
> I do this.
>
> La Forge
>
> Don't talk to me about logic.
Tom: Life. Don’t talk to me about life.
> You're the one with the emotion
> chip.
>
> Data
>
> My first duty as a Starfleet officer is to the ship and its crew.
> Lives are at stake and I've made my decision.
Crow: The whole place should've gone up half a page ago.
> Goodbye, Geordi.
>
> He leaves for the Plasma Conduit.
>
> La Forge
>
> Computer, end simulation.
>
> The Program turns Off.
Mike: Computer, end fanfic.
[Nothing happens.]
Crow: Ah, well. You had to try.
>
> The Holodeck's Doors open to the Deck.
>
> They Walk onto the Deck and begin to Talk.
Crow: What *is* it with all this capitalization?
Mike: Maybe he’s trying to emphasize important words.
Crow: I guess that’s why it’s not occurring in the dialog.
[all snicker]
>
> Data
>
> Geordi, how do you like my solution?
Mike [as Data]: And my impersonation of Spock?
>
> La Forge
>
> I wouldn't let you try it if the situation came up on our
> missions.
Tom [as LaForge]: Do you know how much Starfleet has invested in you?
> There must be a way we can save the ship and its crew
> without sacrificing lives.
>
> Data
>
> I'll continue to work on the problem.
Crow: Never mind that--work on the solution!
[Continued in Part 2]
--
Sarah Heiner hei...@asu.edu
Arizona State University
MSTie #53681
| Top Ten Tempe Butte Amusing Comments |
| (These are from reports written by geology lab students.) |
| |
| 6. Sudenly, crouching on exposed sandstone, the instructor |
| reached behind her back and pulled from a holster some- |
| thing that looked like some kind of tri-corder. Cool. |
Kevin Pezzano
hei...@imap2.asu.edu wrote:
>> Bron, a Bajoran Prisoner
>> Rico, a Bajoran Prisoner
>
Would it be too fanboyish of me to point out that our dear Mr. Wu
swiped these names wholesale from Robotech?
Kevin
"Oh my God! Mike! I think Kitzi just fell out!"
"I know. It'll be all right. Blondes fall real slow."
-Furrlough #6
Kevin A. Pezzano, k...@hiwaay.net http://fly.hiwaay.net/~kp/
Chip Salzenberg
According to lan...@cybercom.net (David Anderson):
>Would it be equally fanboyish of ME to point out that our dear Mr. Wu
>swiped half his PLOT wholesale from Star Trek: The Motion Picture?
If being a fanboy is a crime, then I am guilty.
And you are too kind. Mr. Wu took 90% of his plot and *all* of his
'characterization' (for lack of a more appropriately derisive term)
from ST:TMP.
ChipDude
"now that we've reviewed the scene, let's move on to the ... scene"
Roger M. Wilcox
In article <4soufl$s...@news.asu.edu>, <hei...@imap2.asu.edu> wrote:
>
>> The
>> musical theme reflecting the captain's personality gives way to
>> his narration of the captain's log.
>
>Mike: So, what sort of musical theme do you envision for Riker?
>Tom [laughing]: Good one!
Truer words were never spoken.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to clean the Sprite off my monitor.
--
rog...@robadome.com (Roger M. Wilcox) - AKA - tra...@zoom.com (Jeff Boeing)
-------------+---- I'm not flying fast, just orbiting low -------------------
MSTie #38808 | http://www.zoom.com/personal/tracer: it's not just for
I'm Sodium! | breakfast anymore
David Anderson
Fairly reliable sources inform me that Kevin Pezzano wrote:
>hei...@imap2.asu.edu wrote:
>>> Bron, a Bajoran Prisoner
>>> Rico, a Bajoran Prisoner
>Would it be too fanboyish of me to point out that our dear Mr. Wu
>swiped these names wholesale from Robotech?
Would it be equally fanboyish of ME to point out that our dear Mr. Wu
swiped half his PLOT wholesale from Star Trek: The Motion Picture?
--
========*Opinions expressed here are mine and mine alone. Deal with it.*========
* David Anderson * lan...@cybercom.net * http://www.cybercom.net/~lando5 *
*"I calculated the odds of this succeeding against the chance I was doing some-*
* thing incredibly stupid...then I went ahead anyway." --Crow T. Robot *
==========*MSTie #46861 * Sliders, Nowhere Man, Duckman & Kindred fan*==========
hei...@imap2.asu.edu
Roger M. Wilcox (rog...@tera.eng.sc.rolm.com) wrote:
: In article <4soufl$s...@news.asu.edu>, <hei...@imap2.asu.edu> wrote:
: >
: >> The
: >> musical theme reflecting the captain's personality gives way to
: >> his narration of the captain's log.
: >
: >Mike: So, what sort of musical theme do you envision for Riker?
: >Tom [laughing]: Good one!
: Truer words were never spoken.
: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to clean the Sprite off my monitor.
Wow! A reaction like that makes it all worthwhile...unless, of course,
you fried your monitor and are sending me the bill...
: --
: rog...@robadome.com (Roger M. Wilcox) - AKA - tra...@zoom.com (Jeff Boeing)
: -------------+---- I'm not flying fast, just orbiting low -------------------
: MSTie #38808 | http://www.zoom.com/personal/tracer: it's not just for
: I'm Sodium! | breakfast anymore
--