MiSTed: "I'm Dreaming of a Coruscant Christmas" (3/4)
Roland Warner
[Mike enters carrying Tom, followed by Crow. They take their seats.]
> * * * *
> Han and Leia came back downstairs with Dash.
Tom: The latest in laundry detergent.
> Dash found a group of
> Leia's girlfriends and started hitting on them.
Crow: [Dash] Hey girls, wanna see my Sexy Santa outfit?
> However, in another corner
> of the room, Callista and Luke were talking while they danced. A slow
> song was playing. Callista wrapped her arms around Luke's neck and
> pulled him close, and they slowly swayed back and forth.
Mike: [Luke] Mmmm, you're such a smooth dancer. Ever since we've
started, I feel like my
feet have never touched the floor!
Tom: [Callista] They haven't, you've been standing on mine.
Crow: Uh oh, Muppet dancing jokes, we've hit a new low.
> "Mmmmm, Luke...this is so nice. Our first Christmas together."
> murmured Callista, resting her head on Luke's shoulder.
Tom: It's nice to see they got over the "Gaerial' incident so quickly.
> "Yeah...I agree, Callista. None of the stars looked quite as pretty as
> you do tonight." said Luke.
Crow: Except for maybe Sandra Bernhardt.
> Suddenly, Callista felt something poking her in the stomach.
Mike: What the-
> It was
> coming from Luke's pants!
Tom: YUCK!
Crow: Ugh! Ugh!
> She said cautiously, "Hey...is that a blaster in
> your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
Mike: [Luke] It's Willy, the lightsaber that couldn't.
> "Oh...let's see..." said Luke. "Here it is, I'm such a dork! I left
> Anakin's Crayola scissors in my pocket!"
Crow: The ones that were covered in Anakin dung? That's disgusting!
> He pulled them out and set them
> on a nearby table.
> "Hey, Luke...I'm going to go talk to Leia and Mara, okay? You behave
> yourself," Callista said teasingly, giving Luke a light kiss.
Tom: Heh heh, the ol' Ball and Chain.
> She walked
> over to the other women and took a glass of champagne. Luke decided to
> mingle.
Mike: So he used the Force to do party tricks!
Crow: Yeah, I can just see it now: Luke tossing people into the air at
random, drinks flying
left and right, and him severing his other hand while performing with
his lightsaber.
> Out of the blue, Gaeriel Captison appeared in front of Luke. "Dance
> with me." she said to him.
Tom: [Luke] Um, but I only dance with wolves.
> Luke saw Callista talking with Leia, Mara,
> Davin, and Corran Horn. He figured she could sit this slow dance out.
Crow: Yep, I definitely see the romance here.
Mike: It's a wonder we haven't seen Luke on "The Jerry Springer Show".
> Gaeriel wrapped her arms around Luke and pulled her body close to
> his.
Tom: [Gaerial] You know, my marraige was wrecked by something really
stupid.
Mike: [Luke] Really? What was that?
Tom: [Gaerial] My husband.
Crow: Great, more Muppet dancing jokes.
> As "White Christmas" played, she said, "Luke...I've missed you...I
> know you thought I was dead but I wasn't...I've just been out of
> commission..."
Crow: [Gaerial] I was in for repairs.
> "That's great, Gaeriel, and I'm glad you're alive...but I have a new
> girlfriend now. Callista and I love each other." said Luke.
Mike: I can definitely see that.
> "I'm sure you do...you're so loving, Luke, and so easy to fall into...You
> know, I never stopped loving you..."
Tom: [Gaerial] -your food.
> "Well, that's sweet, Gaeriel...I'll always care about you..." Luke
> replied.
Crow: [Luke] Breasts!
> Like it or not, the way she was rubbing her body against his, he
> was getting turned on.
Mike: Who hasn't been turned on in this fanfic?
All: Us!
> "I almost didn't come here...I shouldn't have..." Gaeriel whispered.
> "Why?" asked Luke.
Tom: Because we like you!
> "Because I knew I would do something crazy when I saw you...like
> this..."
Crow: [Narrator] She pulled out a Tickle-Me-Salacious-Crumb and waved
it in Luke's face.
> As soon as the words left her lips, Gaerial pulled Luke down into a
> kiss.
Mike: Great, they're sharing gum now.
> It was a great kiss, passionate and sensual. He even thought he felt
> her tongue in his mouth! Before he could pull away, although part of him
> didn't want to, he heard a scream. Luke pushed Gaeriel off and saw
> Callista storming towards them.
Tom: Oh boy, the fit is gonna hit the shan.
> "What the hell? What in the goddamn hell is THIS?" Callista
> screamed.
Crow: Here we go, she's gonna smack him. I just know it!
All: Do it! Do it!
> "It's...it's...n-n-nothing..." stammered Luke.
> "Who is this cheap little slut?" demanded Callista.
> "She's not a slut. She's an old friend and an ex of mine."
Mike: [Callista] I'll repeat again "Who is this . . ."
> "You said you loved me, and as soon as my back is turned-" Callista
> was cut off by a loud retort from Gaeriel.
Tom: Cat fight!
> "Shut up, you illogical bitch. I had Luke first, and we never actually
> broke up.
Crow: Um, wasn't there a Christmas party somewhere?
> He just was under the impression that I was dead. I was his
> first after Camie,
Mike: Camie?
Tom: Oh boy, let's hope he broke up with her.
> and I know I'm a million times better in bed than
> her...or YOU!" screamed Gaeriel.
Crow: How would she know, unless-
Tom: That's sick, Crow!
> "You had sex with him??? Luke never said anything!"
Mike: Well, she never really *said* she did it with him!
> "That's because he didn't want to hurt your feelings, although I can't
> imagine why not. He knows I'm better!" screamed Gaeriel.
Tom: [Gaerial] Let's ask Luke. Luke, wha- Hey, where'd he go?
> "Wait...Gaeriel...we never had sex. You just gave me a lot of
> blowjobs, up to and including some massive ones." interjected Luke
Crow: Oh, so suddenly he's turned into President Clinton? Luke must've
taken pointers
from him.
> "Well, now the little tramp's just a blowjob factory." said Callista
> sarcastically.
Tom: Mike, what's a "blowjob"?
Mike: Remeber "Twister"?
Tom: Oh, I see.
> The whole party had come to a halt, and everyone was staring at the
> three.
Crow: [Callista] Um, Luke, XYZ.
> Luke stepped in to stop the fighting when Gaeriel slapped Callista
> in the face.
Mike: Great, she missed him by a mile!
> "What the FUCK!" shouted Callista. She clawed at Callista's face
> with her long silver nails.
Tom: Wait, Callista clawed Callista's face?
> Dash was standing there screaming "Cat-FIGHT! Cat-FIGHT!" when
> Mara Jade slapped him
Crow: Yes!
Mike: Go Mara!
> and told Davin to take him outside and beat the
> shit out of him.
Tom: All right!
Mike: Yes! Two things have gone right so far!
> Lando stepped between the two women and pushed them apart.
Crow: Oh boy, now Lando's gonna get smacked! I don't think this thing
can get any better!
> He
> had plenty of experience breaking up catfights. He had many claw scars,
> not all on his back.
Mike: He should really start clipping his fingernails.
> "Hey, you two. Cut it out. Luke cares about you both. Right, Luke?"
Tom: [Luke] I'm not in this anymore. Leave me out of it all!
> Luke nodded in agreement.
> "But he can only love one of you. Now Gaeriel, Luke still cares about
> you and remembers how much you loved each other. Right Luke?"
> Luke nodded his head vigorously.
Crow: C'mon! When does Lando get smacked?
> "And Callista, you must remember the guys you dated in the past.
> But Luke is the now guy,
Mike: Luke's just now becoming a guy?
> and like all your old lovers, he's putting this old
> lover in the past. They just got a little carried away with old feelings."
> said Lando.
Tom: Is that the Christmas message?
Crow: This Dear Abby letter brought to you by Lando Calrissian.
> "Yeah, that's it. What he said." said Luke.
> "So can you two put it past you and try to get along?"
Mike: [Gaerial] But what about me?
> All three nodded and shook hands. Dash and Davin came back into the
> party. Both were bleeding and bruised.
Crow: We missed it?? I'd have rather see Davin kick Dash's butt,
instead of Lando's
Christmas Message.
> Mara and Leia secretly wished they
> could have seen Davin smack the living hell out of Dash, god knows they
> would have liked to.
Mike: You and all of us.
> "Let's hear a song! How about ÔChristmas in Hollis' by Run-DMC?" shouted
> Lando to Figrin Dan.
Crow: Do they have any other music here than just Run-DMC?
> Figrin Dan turned to the Modal Nodes and started playing. Everyone
> started dancing again.
Mike: [Dancer #1] You know, my doctor says I'm getting the Asian Flu.
Tom: [Dancer #2] What did he say to do?
Mike: [Dancer #1] He says take two fortune cookies and call me in the
morning.
Crow: Don't you guys ever run out of those Muppet jokes?
> * * * *
Tom: And the party's over like that!
Crow: Here comes the epic part, "The Morning After".
> The next evening, Han and Leia were waiting until the kids were
> asleep to go downstairs and put their gifts under the tree. Han was going
> around to check on all the kids.
Crow: I just had a thought: Where's the dog?
Tom: Dog?
Crow: Yeah, every family has a dog! They could call him Rex
Buttsniffer.
Mike: Don't give them any ideas, Crow!
> "Well, Anakin just shit his bed, so I changed the sheets.
Mike: They should really see a doctor about that.
> I give the
> kids another 10 minutes to fall asleep. Leia? Leia, where are you?"
Tom: [Glenda] Come out, come out, wherever you are!
> said
> Han upon entering the room and not seeing his wife.
Crow: [Leia OS] Han, remember Dash from last night?
> "I'm in the bathroom. I'll be right out. Just sit down on the bed."
> Leia called.
Tom: Daaa-duh, daaa-duh, dum-dum-dum-dum-
> Han laid down on the bad and made himself comfortable. He picked
> up Leia's copy of Modern Mom magazine and started thumbing through it.
Mike: Ah, see there! Product placement!
> He was reading an article about a top X-Wing pilot who was also a single
> mom of two. Han remembered seeing her at the party last night. He
> thought she had been there with Wedge. Or was it Hobbie?
Crow: [Han] Or was it both? I can never remember!
> His thoughts were jarred back to the present when he hear Leia purr,
Mike: [Han] Do you need a litter box *too*, Leia?
> "Oh Santa Han...can I sit on your lap? We'll talk about the first thing that
> comes up..."
Tom: [Han] Not another dolly! Every little girl wants a dolly!
> Han dropped the magazine. Leia was wearing the Sexy Elf costume.
Crow: Mike, please.
Mike: Oh, all right.
[Mike covers Tom and Crow's eyes.]
> It was a bra top made of green velvet with a fake white fur trim. She
> had on a tiny short skirt that matched the bra and as she turned around to
> shake her ass at Han, he noticed that she wasn't wearing anything
> underneath.
Mike: Parents, now would be a good time to talk to your kids, and kids,
I'm going to have to
ask you to leave your computers and go board another fanfic.
> On her feet she was wearing high heels with little bells at
> the end. Her hair was down and fell in loose curls down her back, and a
> shade of red lipstick that he had only seen on the dancers at Galaxy Girls.
Mike: Oh my God, does this mean that Leia-
Tom: What?
Mike: Forget it.
> Han was speechless. Leia said, "Come on, Santa. Let's go put these
> presents under the tree and then I'll give you a gift. Or maybe I could just
> suck your candy cane."
Mike: [Han] But we're supposed to put the Candy Canes on the Christmas
tree!
> Han and Leia collected the gifts and went downstairs to put them
> under the Christmas tree.
Mike: Where they found Rex drinking from the Christmas tree water.
Crow: So they *do* have a dog!
Mike: No, you're just rubbing off on me, Crow.
> They stacked the gifts and filled the stockings.
> Han and Leia filled their own stockings as well as Luke and Callista's.
> After that, they couldn't resist anymore. Han laid Leia down in front of
> the Christmas tree and started taking off her top by the dim light of the
> tree.
Tom: Is it safe yet, Mike?
Mike: Bad time to ask, Tom.
> Leia slipped off Han's pants and when all Leia had left was the
> heels, they started to kiss and stroke each other's bodies. Han was
> harboring a major hard-on. Leia sucked it until Han thought he was going
> to die from pleasure.
Mike: Yes! He's gonna die!
Crow & Tom: Woohoo! Okay, drop the hands, Mike, I wanna see this!
Mike: That was sarcasm, guys. You do not wanna see.
> "God damn, Leia...you told me you don't like giving head." Han
> groaned.
Mike: [Narrator] We've secretly replaced Leia's teeth with vampire
fangs. Let's watch and
see what happens.
> "I don't, but it's Christmas, and I thought I'd give you a special gift."
> Leia said around his dick.
Mike: Words fail me. I do *NOT* want to touch that line.
> After he heard her say that, he felt more in love with her than he
> ever had before.
Mike: So sex is why he fell in love?
> He rolled her over on top of him and he entered her. They
> moved in rhythm until they both climaxed. When they were finished, they
> heard movement upstairs.
Mike: [Han] The hell? That came from Jacen and Jaina's room!
Crow: What did?
Mike: Nothing, it's almost over.
> "It's a good thing we just finished, because if anyone had seen us,
> Mommy would have been doing a lot more than just kissing Santa Han."
Mike: I'm getting a really deep, dark idea here that Santa Han isn't
just a name.
> whispered Leia as she gathered her Sexy Elf costume.
> "Ditto." said Han as they hurried upstairs to their room. Just as
> they fell into bed, Luke opened the door.
Mike: Here comes the comedy relief!
> "I heard screaming, and then I felt a ripple in the Force...is
> something wrong? I thought...I'd....um....oops..." Luke's sentence tapered
> off as he noticed that both his sister and his brother-in-law were naked.
Mike: Wah-wah-wahhhhh.
> He suddenly realized what happened. Luke was glad it was dark because
> he started blushing head to toe.
Mike: And he felt all tingly inside.
> He rushed out of their room. Luke kinda
> wondered if his was bigger than Han's...he really hoped so.
Mike: Hey, I thought size didn't matter?
> "Wow, for all his Jedi ability he sure is a naive guy sometimes."
> said Han.
> "Ditto." said Leia as she snuggled up against Han's side. "Merry
> Christmas, baby." she whispered as he put his arms around her and fell
> asleep.
Mike: The end, yay!
Tom: It's over? Wow!
Mike: Not even close.
> * * * *
Mike: There, now the scene's over.
[He drops his hands.]
Crow: Great, now I see stars.
Tom: What'd we miss?
Mike: You missed story time, with Uncle Luke.
Crow: Oh well. Poor us.
> At four in the morning, Anakin jumped out of bed. He was so excited
> that it was Christmas that he shit his pants.
Crow: Ladies and gentleman, our only running gag.
> After he changed himself
> and cleaned himself up, he ran into his parents' room. His tummy felt all
> melty from excitement.
Tom: He's got Ebola, RUN!
> "Mommy, Daddy, wake up! It's Christmas morning!" Anakin was
> disappointed at the delay of his parents to wake up, so he grabbed the
> blankets with the Force and pulled them off. To his surprise, his parents
> were naked.
Mike: "I saw mommy kissin' Santa Han!"
> "Wow, Jacen and Jaina are gonna be really grossed out when I tell
> them that you guys actually do still have sex!" Anakin shouted.
Mike: Well, surprise, guess where you came from, you annoying little-
> "Anakin honey, go back to your room. You're sleepwalking and all
> this is a dream.
Crow: You don't need to see his identification. These aren't the
droids you're looking for.
> Close your eyes, go back to your room, then you'll wake
> up and realize that you were dreaming." Leia said quickly, pulling the
> covers back up.
Tom: Each man is a God. Each man is free.
> Anakin walked back to his room. During that time, Leia used the
> Force to create the image that he was dreaming and put him back to sleep.
Crow: Mike, can we use the Force and pretend that all this is just a
dream?
Mike: Give it a shot.
[Crow starts shaking.]
Crow: Nope, all I can come up with is "Louie, Louie".
> When Anakin woke up five minutes later, he wondered why he'd been
> dreaming that he saw his parents naked.
Tom: I think Freud might have something to say about that.
> He realized it was Christmas
> and ran into his parents room. To his relief, they were both clothed in
> their pajamas.
Mike: [Narrator] Strangely, Leia was dressed as a half-nekkid Santa,
while Han was wearing the Elf costume.
> "Mommy, Daddy, wake up! It's Christmas!" he shouted. Han told him
> to go wake up Jacen, Jaina, Callista, and Uncle Luke and meet Leia and him
> downstairs. They all eventually converged by the Christmas tree and
> started tearing into their gifts.
Crow: [Narrator] And by the end, they had torn all the gifts, and no
one got anything.
The end.
> "Wow, Mom, I love the tube top!" remarked Jaina. "I bet Zeblis will
> too!"
Crow: You mean she's actually going to wear something when they meet?
> Everyone else opened all their gifts. The whole extended family
> crowded around to look at Anakin's coveted Tickle Me Salacious Crumb
> doll.
Mike: Then Anakin transferred Luke's soul into the doll and began to
beat it.
> Suddenly, the doll started giggling Salacious's giggle and jumped up
> and started to eat Anakin's hair.
Crow: [Repairman] Ah, here's your problem: This thing was set to evil.
> "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! MOMMY, THE DOLL IS FUCKING EATING
> ME!!!!" Anakin screamed as he shit his pants in fear.
Tom: Good! Maybe it'll teach you a lesson about swearing and where
the toilet is.
> Luke, Callista, Leia, Jacen, and Jaina all whipped out their
> lightsabers
Crow: [Anakin] Wait, guys, can't we talk about this?
> and slashed at the evil doll.
Mike: [Luke] Wait, there's only *one* doll and five of us!
> It sizzled into a million pieces.
> Luke had cut off its hand.
Tom: Methinks someone is still bitter over "The Empire Strikes Back".
> All of a sudden, they heard a knock at the door.
> "Yo Solos and non-Solos, whasup?"
All: Wah-wah-wahhhhh.
> Lando said as he walked through
> the door carrying a tall stack of gifts. He passed a gift out to everyone,
> then said, "Break out the eggnog, homeys!"
Crow: Great, is everyone going to get drunk again?
> They all enjoyed cups of eggnog, some with a little more rum than
> others. Lando had picked out perfect gifts for everybody. Leia put on the
> extravagant silk robe Lando got her. Jacen and Jaina marveled at the
> lightsaber covers. Anakin stared wide-eyed with fear at the new Tickle
> Me Salacious Crumb doll.
Mike: [Narrator] And it was three times the size of the other doll. It
devoured everyone.
The End.
> After Luke squeezed it and they found that it wasn't possessed,
> Anakin turned to Lando and said, "Yo Uncle Lando, that shit's dope!"
Crow: What?
Tom: It must be Star Wars lingo.
> Han looked at the five hundred credits that Lando had given him.
> "Don't you think you could have come up with a more personal gift
> than this?" Han asked.
Mike: At least he didn't get him a lame gift cerificate.
> "This is personal," Lando replied, adding in a hushed voice, "Galaxy
> Girls is having eggnog wrestling tomorrow. I thought it could be my
> treat."
Crow: [Han] Wait, aren't you going out sometime tomorrow, Leia. Hmmm,
I've been
wondering where you found that Elf suit.
> "Ohhhhhhh. I get it." Han said, with a fiendish smile on his face.
Tom: [Han] We're heading over to "Wal-Mart" tomorrow, I see!
> "Leia gave me head last night,
Crow: Is that what happened, Mike?
Tom: She gave him her head? That's sick!
Mike: You didn't have to see it!
> and I get to go to Galaxy Girls tomorrow."
> He turned to his family and said, "This is the best Christmas ever!"
Crow: Well, he was an easy person to shop for!
> "By the way, Han, Leia, Luke, Callista...there's a New Year's party
> over at the Sky Palace Hotel.
Mike: Oh no, not another party! Will this horror EVER end?
Tom: Say, what ever happened to running the New Republic? Wasn't Leia
in charge of it?
> Dash and I rented out a huge suite. It's
> gonna be da bomb." Lando said.
Crow: Must be more Star Wars lingo.
Mike: Hey, maybe it means that there will be a bomb at the party.
> "Great! But what are we going to do with the kids?" Leia replied.
> "We'll be okay..." Jaina and Jacen said in unison, with one thing on their minds.
Tom: That dull, blank, dry mass called a brain.
> "Come on, guys. There's hot chocolate and cinnamon rolls in the
> kitchen. Let's eat!" said Luke. When they all were in the kitchen eating,
> Luke put two cinnamon rolls over his ears and said teasingly, "Hey
> Leia...remember me?" He added is a high, sing-song voice, "Help me, Obi-
> Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!"
All: Wah-wah-wahhhhh.
Mike: Okay, that's enough of that.
> Leia reached over and smacked Luke.
Crow: Yes! Finally, someone smacked Luke!
> Han added, "Hey, if it wasn't
> for that message, Leia and I would have never met! So don't knock it!"
Mike: And you never would've found the secret Death Star Plans,
destroyed the Death Star, defeated the Empire, and this fanfic never
would've been created. Hey, this is all Artoo's fault! Death to the
Droid!
> They all laughed. No one could wait for New Year's.
Tom: Wait, when was this poll taken? I know three votes that would've
said "We can wait."
> * * * *
> The week after Christmas, the Solo home was engaged in mass
> eggnog consumption. All the eggnog was gone by the morning of New
> Year's Eve.
Crow: Well there go the party favors.
> Leia, Jaina, Winter, and Callista were out shopping for new
> outfits for New Year's Eve. Jacen and Jaina were hosting a party for all
> their friends at the palace.
Mike: Great, now Jacen and Jaina are having a party. Somehow, I have a
feeling this will be
worse than the Solo's kegger party.
> The three entered the fanciest dress shop on
> Coruscant, The Corusca Gem.
Tom: Oddly located next to "Galaxy Girls".
> "Wow, Mom...this one is great!" said Jaina, holding up a barely-there
> dress with an extremely short skirt.
Crow: Um, not in front of your mother, do you do that.
> "Oh, no you don't, young lady. Not in my house. In fact, not in
> ANYONE'S house. Put that back now." Leia said.
Mike: Wow, that's the first thing she's said right.
> Jaina looked defeated, and put the dress back. Callista came back
> with several dresses that she had chosen for herself. Leia and Winter
> picked ones of a slightly more conservative variety. All four chose
> dresses and bought them, the tab in total coming to over two million
> credits. That night, they went home and dressed for the party.
Tom: And why were we told all this?
> "This is going to be great. Pending that Dash comes fully clothed
> and stays that way, we could have a lot of fun." Callista remarked, and
> the other two women nodded in agreement.
Mike: It's so nice that they got over the whole "Sexy Santa" thing.
> Everyone was ready. Leia and Han gave Jacen and Jaina a lecture
> about the party.
Crow: [Leia] Now, kids, when two people really love each other . . .
> "We want to go over a few things with you two before your party.
> No alcohol. You're too young. I don't care what you heard about your
> father doing when he was your age. You two are VERY different from him.
> No spice of any kind. That's a definite." Leia said firmly.
Tom: My vote is that they break every rule within the first hour.
Mike: I second that!
Crow: Third!
> "That's right. I used to smuggle the spice, I know what it smells
> like. If we come back and there is ANY of that around, you two are both
> dead." Han added.
Mike: Or probably will be by the time they're found.
> "And this is important--I realize this is a coed party but I want
> everyone to keep everything they were wearing at the beginning of the
> party on through the entire thing. That means no strip sabacc, no "100
> parsecs in Heaven" or sex of ANY KIND.
Crow: Gee, they sound like such fun party games.
> Do you both understand? I don't
> want you two doing anything with Zeblis or Tenel Ka, and I don't want any
> of that going on with your guests." Leia said.
Tom: So, they leave them *unattended* at their own party, and expect
these two to follow the
rules?
> "We promise we won't do alcohol, spice, or any of our guests." Jacen
> and Jaina said in unison.
Mike: If I recall, isn't there a Jedi Academy somewhere?
Crow: It must be out on Christmas Vacation.
> Luke sensed with the Force that they were lying. He gave them one
> of his infamous Ôwell-meaning scolding you-know-better Jedi-are-
> righteous-warriors' looks.
Tom: Luke doesn't sound so "righteous" to me!
> Jacen and Jaina retaliated with their infamous
> ÔUncle-Luke-you're-a-big-gay-dork' look.
Mike: And then Luke slashed off both their hands with his lightsaber.
> Ackbar said, "Bbbbbbbb, we're going to be late. Bbbbbbb, let's go!"
Crow: Did he just give us a raspberry?
> They all got into the Falcon and left for the Sky Palace Hotel.
> Jacen and Jaina took one look at each other and said, "Yes!" Jaina
> rolled in the keg and Jacen hit the lights and turned on LL Cool J.
Tom: "Lazily lacking cool jazz".
> He knew
> that it got the ladies in the mood for some pants action.
Mike: More Star Wars lingo, it would seem.
> * * * *
Crow: I would not give this thing a four star rating. It'd be more
likely that
this story would end up in a blackhole, before it even got one star.
Mike: C'mon, you guys. Let's get outta here before we go blind.
[Mike picks up Tom and they exit the theater.]
<@...1...2..3...4...5...6...*>
[Mike enters the SOL, holding his picture of Tom, Crow, and his Ex.]
Mike: Sigh, well, at least they had good intentions, I hope.
[Tom walks in wearing the "Do Not Open Until Christmas" boxers on his
head.]
Tom: Ah, hello, Mike! Enjoying our little gift to you?
Mike: You don't know the half of it, Tom.
Tom: That's good!
Debby: [OS] Look sir, Droids!
Tom: Ah, and here comes Crow!
[Crow enters with the Debby doll in his hands.]
Crow: Hey guys, you know, this Debby doll makes the perfect addition to
my Star Wars toy collection! Although I don't think I'll take the
blowtorch to her, like I did the rest of my collection a few moments ago
after today's fanfic.
Mike: That's nice, Crow. I think after this is through, we'll all go
out and destroy our valuable Star Wars collections without thinking
twice.
[The Mads light flashes]
Mike: Oh, yes, Pearl-lite?
[CF]
[The Castle is decorated in Christmas decorations as well, and Pearl's
wearing a dark-red Santa hat. Bobo and Observer are standing around
her.]
Pearl: Ah, Nelson, just figured I'd let you know, we've decided what
Christmas craze we'd introduce. We decided to take Bobo's hair that
he's been shedding for a long time, wrap it around a little voice-box,
and create the "Furby"! Of course, it's not going to take off right
away,
but I'll find some radio announcer or someone to help out. Anwyay, get
back in the theater! We're busy down here with more plans. [To both
sides
of her.] Bobo! Brain Guy! Get over here.
Observer: Yes, Pearl?
Pearl: I've figured out how we can take over the world tonight! When
Santa
lands on the Castle roof, at the very first sound of a reindeer's hoof,
Bobo
and Brain Guy, I want you to be ready to capture him when he slides down
the
chimney wall. Then, I will make off with sleigh and all!
Bobo: You want us to capture Santa? Isn't that being a bit too mean?
Pearl: Well, yeah. It won't work if you don't do it!
Bobo: Hm, makes sense!
[SoL]
Crow: No fair, they get to see Santa tonight!
[Lights flash, panic begins, chaos ensues.]
All: NOT SANTA.SIGN! NOOOOOOO!!
Tom: Save Santa!