MSTed: A Fear Of Love A Fear Of Battle (2/?)

[Bryan Lambert]

Segment 2 of the MSTing follows:

>"Sorry I've been a little tense ever since prom night." she sighed and
>sat down.

CROW: I wonder what language her butt used to sit down with.
MIKE: No crossing the streams, guys.

>Xander and Willow came in with a bat.

TOM: AAAAAH! A vampire! Slay it!

>"Where is he!?" Xander screeched.

MIKE: Well, -you- came in with the bat, you should have kept better
track of it.

>"Where is who?" Giles laughed.

ALL: The BAT!

>"We heard a scream, we ran..." Xander panted.

TOM: We saw, we conquered...

>Buffy shook her head and laughed.

MIKE: Here's where the character of Buffy really starts to come alive
for me.

>"I'm gonna bail...I'm kinda tired."

CROW: If the library's filling up with water, shouldn't they have
someone who's -not- so tired bail?
TOM: No, Crow. It's that hip lingo-speak that the young turks use. To
"bail", in this content, means to "scream for no apparent
reason".

>"Gonna be at the bronze?" Willow asked still trying to catch her
>breath.

MIKE: Well, say what you like about this story, but at least it does
have a scene where Willow's panting.

>Buffy smiled. "I'll try." and the three heard her boots clicking
>further and further away.

TOM: However, they couldn't escape their feeling of mutual dread.
They knew, somewhere deep, somewhere beyond even mere knowing,
that yes, one of these days, those boots, those selfsame boots,
were going to click all over them.
CROW: That's the most eloquent homage to Lee Hazelwood in the history
of the universe.

>*part 2*

CROW: Already? Shouldn't something of interest have -happened- in Part
1 before we move on to Part 2?

>At home Buffy was on the couch doing her homework when she heard the
>doorbell. She walked slowly to the peep hole to see her mother with
>tons of grocery bags. Buffy laughed and opened the door.

TOM: You know, Buffy's got an awfully strange sense of humor.

>"Guess we won't go hungry" Buffy smiled helping her mom with the bags.

CROW: [Joyce] Well, -I- won't, at any rate.

>"You won't go hungry.

TOM: Buffy's mom said confirming her daughters guess. Buffy laughed.
MIKE: Tom, cut that out. It's creepy.

> Remember I am leaving for New York, and I didn't
>want you living on mcdonalds and pizza." Her mom lectured exhaustedly.

MIKE: The author's even tired out by this prose.

>"Works for me" Buffy shrugged.

>"Well thats it for me. I have a plane to catch." She kissed Buffy.
>"Phone numbers on the fridge! Be back soon!"

TOM: OK, let me get this straight. Buffy's mom, who's just a bit of
a control freak, buys groceries RIGHT before leaving? And
shouldn't the phone numbers be on the phone, and not on the
fridge?
MIKE: What have I told you about overanalyzing these things?
TOM; I'm just being true to my trope, Mike.
MIKE: Huh?

>The door slammed and Buffy went upstairs to get ready for the bronze.
>She chose a creme skirt and a brown sweater shirt, and her usual brown
>knee high boots.

TOM: My trope. You know. Crow's the one who almost says dirty things
until you stop him, and I'm the one who goes into long, rambly
detail about the logical inconsistencies in stories that were
obviously written during fourth period study hall.
MIKE: So then, what's my trope?

> The slayer walked down the stairs and out into the
>night. SOmething about darkness terrified her now.

CROW: So she ran back inside and stayed there until her mom got back
from New York. The end.
TOM; Hm. Mike, I'd say your trope is that you don't have a trope.
You're just the guy who says the stuff that's not dirty or
long-winded.

> The sense of
>vampires and blood had came over her.

MIKE: Now, see, this is wrong. Buffy the -movie- could sense vampires
nearby, but Whedon changed it in the series, because Angel being
a vampire was supposed to be a big surprise. I know all this
because I'm a FAAAAAAANBOY!
BOTS: [simultaneously.] Stay out of our tropes, Nelson.

> She pivoted her foot

CROW: Snapping her ankle clean off.

> and saw one
>vampire staring at her. Inside her heart beat fast and her mind raced.

MIKE: [Irish announcer] And Buffy's mind is coming around turn four...
OH! She's into the wall! And the yellow flag comes out.

>'Buffy....attack' she thought. She'd never been so scared her in life.

CROW: I'm beginning to empathize. I sense a poor action sequence ahead.

>She froze. The vampire tackled her and Buffy screamed and cried until a
>shadow punched the vampire and dusted it. The weak slayer lay on the
>ground shaking and scared.

TOM: Good call, Crow. Shall we use our "Bad Fanfic Action Sequence
Checklist?" Run on sentence?
CROW: Check.
TOM: Haven't the foggiest idea who's doing what?
CROW: Check.
TOM: Physical impossibilities and/or internal inconsistencies?
CROW: Check. Punching vampires does not "dust" them.
TOM: And for bonus points, inaccurate characterization?
CROW: Check. In spades.

>"Buffy...?" Angel asked.

MIKE: [Angel] Let's see. Blonde, scantily clad, being attacked by
vampires, rescued by me... I wonder who this could be?

>"It's me" she whispered.

TOM: Or, rather, a weird fanfic version of me who goes all weak
in the knees at the thought of a single vampire, thereby
requiring rescue from your big manly self.

>Angel saw her face was scraped.

CROW: Clean off, and frankly, it creeped him out.

>"Come back to my place I'll bandage you up."

MIKE: Oh, is that what the undead kids are calling it these days.
CROW: I didn't think Angel would be into bandage.

> He picked her up and she
>slowly walked behind him still shaking, her legs hardly keeping her up.

CROW: Luckily, thanks to her short skirt, her legs were keeping him up.

>They reached a warm cozy apartment with a couch a bed the usual.

TOM: The Usual Suspects. Coming to a furniture store near you.

> Buffy
>stood in the doorway.
>"You can come in" Angel smiled slightly.

>She nodded.

CROW: Standing! Looking! Nodding! This story has -everything-!

>"Buffy are you alright? you seem a little shaken."

TOM: Or stirred.
MIKE: Buffy shakes and bakes every morning. Wooo!

>Her lip quivered. "No I'm fine..."

CROW: Lip quiver? She's one of Lazarus Long's daughters all of a
sudden.

>Angel covered her cuts and sat next to her on the bed.

TOM: He "covered" the cuts? What kind of first aid is this?
CROW: He could have covered 'em in mayonnaise, for all we know.

> "You ready to
>go?" he asked. As much as he wanted to stay with her, he knew they
>could never be together, and seeing her hurt him to much, even for a
>vampire to stand.

MIKE: Now here, I'm impressed. Angel's obviously in some kind of
confused, brain-dead state. Incapable of even forming a
coherent sentence. And the author's giving us a true look inside
his feelings.

>"Mm hmm." the Slayer slowly got up and opened the big metal door. She
>broke down crying in front of it.

CROW: (Buffy) That scene in Tron was just so sad! They broke into the
place, and Jeff Bridges got all glowy, and... and...

>"Buffy!" Angel yelled and sat next to her. "Whats the matter?" he asked
>softly.

MIKE: If I had to guess, Dead Boy, I'd say your constant changes in
volume are giving her cognitive dissonance.

>"I'm..... so...... scared." she said in between heavy sobs.

CROW: Rush Limbaugh and Tom Arnold? They're a couple of heavy SOB's.

>He hugged her and carried her back to his apartment. She layed on his
>bed and was wrapped in his big red comforter. Angel lay next to her
>holding her hand.

CROW: It's not fair. Not only is the author continuously screwing up
the usage of "to lay", but she's not even using it to refer to
sex! What a gyp.

>"It'll be ok..." he said softly trying to calm her. She was still
>crying hysterically. 'what am I gonna do?' he thought.

MIKE: I've got to calm her down! But how can I do that? How? I know.
I gotta believe!

>Buffy finally fell asleep still gripping tightly to Angel's hand. Angel
>tried to reach the phone on the other end of the bed. he let her hand
>go and dialed the library.

TOM: (Angel) Yes, do you have "Slayers Who Cry Too Much"? Great. Put
it on reserve. Angelus. Well, thank you, but the Chariots of Fire
soundtrack was the other guy. I'll be by in a couple of hours.
Thanks.

>"Giles? It's Angel."
>"Oh um, yes what are you calling for?" Giles answered in between a
>yawn.

CROW: So, how would that work, exactly? "Ya...what are you calling
for...wn"?

>"Well Buffy was attacked by a vampire, and she was to scared to fight
>it,

MIKE: "To" bad she wasn't "To" Legit To Quit.

> she got scratched so I took her back to my place and she was ready
>to go when she collpased by the door and cried telling me she was to
>scared. I don't know what to do?"

TOM: Whoa! Looks like Angel needs to stop feeding off the crystal meth
addicts down at the Bronze.

>"I'll be right there...hold tight." Giles hung up.

CROW: Bad advice. If he holds tight, that could lead to "dancing", and
then Angel would lose his soul.

>Angel heard a scream behind him, he jumped.

CROW: ::sigh:: Is there -anyone- in this story with more mental
fortitude than a 9-year-old girl? Jim Varney hasn't done
this many wild takes.

>"Buffy whats the matter?" he asked cradling her in his arms.
>"He's there, he's gonna bite me" she was whispering.

MIKE: It's OK, Buffy. Just go to the flea market and learn how to rap
like Master Prince Fleaswallow.
TOM: Good thing it's not Willow who wrecked the car. She's got frog
fear.

>"Shhh no one's going to bite you. I'm here shh..." he whispered rocking
>her. Her body was shaking with fear her eyes wide and her skin pale. He
>kissed her forehead and she leaned against his chest.

CROW: This scene brought to you by Gray's Anatomy. If you need to fill
your fanfic paragraphs with a dozen or more body parts, remember,
Gray's Anatomy.

>"Angel I'm so scared...I don't know what to do."
>"It's ok just get some rest." he whispered and laid back on a pillow
>next to her.

TOM: Awww. How cute. It's a sleepover. Of course, in reality, this
would completely screw up Angel's sleep cycle, since he's a
vampire and all...

>*Part 3*

>Angel heard a knock at the door and slowly got up, hoping not to wake
>Buffy. He opened it and saw Giles in flannel pajama's.

MIKE: What about the big pith helmet, that he came by, somewhere on
the, Bakerloo line?

>"As you can see I rushed over here." Giles whispered staring down.

CROW: AAAAAAAAAH! It's turning into an Angel/Giles slashfic! Make it
stop, Mike! Make it stop!
TOM: It's a bug hunt, man! A bug hunt!

>Angel smirked. "Giles she seems so scared, she keeps thinking a
>vampires going to bite her."

MIKE: "Well," Giles said, saucily. "Isn't one?"
TOM: Whose side are you on anyway, Nelson?

>Giles knit his eyebrows.

CROW: The clacking of the needles woke Buffy up. Buffy immediately
screamed, burst into tears, sat down, screamed again, and set
her lip fiercely quivering in terror.

> "Can you blame her? It's a common reaction...I
>mean she died.

TOM: Oh my God! They killed Buffy! You bastards!

> That can certianly shake a person. My suggestion is just
>stay with her at night."

MIKE: Giles -is- the Librarian of Looooove.
TOM: He's been taking advice lessons from Chef.

>Angel nodded. "But she has faced other vampires...and faced death
>before" he drifted off.

CROW: He must have worked temp jobs too. Should I bite him?
MIKE: Nah. There's enough biting going on as it is.

>"Yes true, but she has never died...she died

TOM: Giles, make up your damn mind.

> it might take her a while.
>For now just stay with her...follow her the next few nights...I'm sure
>she'll be ok."

CROW: (Giles) I'm sure that having a vampire follow her around at night
will ease her fear of vampires.

>"I will.." Angel whispered. "Just watch her during the day..."
>"Will do...bye." The watcher exited and Angel walked back to the bed to
>see Buffy gripping a pillow crying.

MIKE: Now, that's sweet. Buffy can set aside her own troubles long
to provide comfort to a depressed pillow.

>"Buffy, I'm here don't worry." Angel said soothingly. He crawled on the
>bed and put his arm around her and held her hand. "Tell me whats
>wrong?"

TOM: Well, for one thing, the grammar of every sentence since the
title, inclusive.

>She sniffled and gripped his hand tightly. "Ever since the night of the
>prophecy...I...I've been so jumpy and nervous. And it seems to be
>getting worse. All I can think of is you dying...or Willow..or
>Xander...or Giles...

CROW: ... or Rick James, or Rick Astley, or Ashley Judd, or Judd
Nelson, or Nelson Mandela...

> it's scaring me to the point I won't go out at
>night and when I do...I.." She broke down crying onto his shoulder. He
>rocked her gently.

TOM: He rocked her slowly. He took it easy. Don't he know.

>"Buffy you know I wouldn't let anything happen to you...ever..."

MIKE: Except for the Master killing you, which I kinda let happen.

> He
>kissed her head. She was so beautiful. Her hair, her emerald eyes,
>everything was so alive, yet she was so scared.
>"But what if something happened to you and I couldn't stop it..." she
>gripped his hand.

TOM: [Angel] Then it would be all your fault. There, there.

>"Buffy nothings going to happen to me..or you..I promise."

TOM: Well, within the confines of this story, he's dead on.

>She just nodded and rested her head on his shoulder. Angel could feel
>her heart beat slow down to normal. He sighed and rested his head on
>hers. They both fell asleep next to eachother. It was the only night of
>sleep Buffy had gotten in a while.

>The next morning Angel woke Buffy up.

MIKE: Boy, the unrelenting pace of this story never slows up for an
instant.

> "hey sleepy head." he smiled
>"Hmm...oh I remember now.." she said groggily.

CROW: (Buffy) You got me drunk!

---------Bryan Lambert----<bryn...@minn.net---------
RATTM's Official Biggest Wuss: Watch out!
Future Keeper/Maintainer: "Modern Space Ghost FAQ"
-<Visit the Messy Canvas: www1.minn.net/~bryncthy>---

[Kathy Ice]

> >Buffy finally fell asleep still gripping tightly to Angel's hand. Angel
> >tried to reach the phone on the other end of the bed. he let her hand
> >go and dialed the library.
>
> TOM: (Angel) Yes, do you have "Slayers Who Cry Too Much"? Great. Put
> it on reserve. Angelus. Well, thank you, but the Chariots of Fire
> soundtrack was the other guy. I'll be by in a couple of hours.
> Thanks.

Great MSTing, Bryan--this bit had me in stitches.

(Luckily they were those kind that dissolve so I don't have to go back
to the hospital to have them removed.)
--
Kathy Ice
ki...@alexicom.net
check out www.cheapass.com
"Of all the whatsis in thingamy, the saddest
are these: it might have been." --Bertie Wooster

[Bryan Lambert]

On Sat, 31 Jan 1998 22:35:53 -0800, Kathy Ice <ki...@alexicom.net> wrote:

>> >Buffy finally fell asleep still gripping tightly to Angel's hand. Angel
>> >tried to reach the phone on the other end of the bed. he let her hand
>> >go and dialed the library.
>>
>> TOM: (Angel) Yes, do you have "Slayers Who Cry Too Much"? Great. Put
>> it on reserve. Angelus. Well, thank you, but the Chariots of Fire
>> soundtrack was the other guy. I'll be by in a couple of hours.
>> Thanks.
>

>Great MSTing, Bryan--this bit had me in stitches.
>
>(Luckily they were those kind that dissolve so I don't have to go back
>to the hospital to have them removed.)

Actually, this is my first MSTing to use that new surgical glue. Expect a visit
from some of the Glaxo-Wellcomb people any day now to check up on the results.
:)