<MiSTing> MMPR:TM- The Script [5/11]
TCurryFan
<6 5 4 3 2 @>
<SOL- Theater>
> 32G EXT. CHEMICAL PLANT - DAY (OLD SC 32D) 32G
>
> Establishing.
>
> 33 INT. CHEMICAL PLANT - DAY 33
>
> Ivan is walking through a giant chemical plant with Goldar
>
> IVAN
> Taking over the world is one
> thing. It's finding good help to
> run it for you that's the killer.
TOM: I thought Jerry Lee Lewis was "The Killer"...?
>
> GOLDAR
> You want me to place a few calls?
>
> Ivan shakes his head.
MIKE: <as Ivan> Somebody please kill him.
>
> IVAN
> No need. I'm going to use the
> young minds of Angel Grove.
MIKE: But they've all been destroyed by madness.
>
> GOLDAR digs for buried treasure deep in his nose.
TOM: EEWWWWWW...
CROW: ENOUGH with the snot jokes, people!
>
> GOLDAR
> No offense, boss, but they might
> find you a little disgusting.
MIKE: Three words, Goldar: Pot. Kettle. Black.
>
> IVAN
> Yes, well, I suppose you'd know
> a little something about that.
MIKE: D'oh!
> (beat)
TOM: ...me.
> Not to worry. I'll ever so
> gently lure them in and mold them
> into an army of devils!
CROW: Oh, no! He's gonna make them Young Republicans!
> And what
> better way to entice them ...
TOM: ...then with BOOZE! Yes, Booze; enticing any time, for
any age.
MIKE: This message brought to you by the Booze Council.
> than with a little Ivan's Ooze?!
ALL: NOOO!!!
MIKE: Wait- we don't even know what that is...
TOM: No, but it sounds snot-related...
MIKE: Good point.
>
> Ivan approaches an enormous vat, turns a tap -- it BURPS and
> GLOPS as PURPLE OOZE pours out.
TOM: Told ya.
>
> GOLDAR
> But boss, what about their
> parents?
>
> IVAN
> Ah, the old and doddering.
CROW: This coming from a guy who's over 6000 years old.
> I'm
> going to SCOURGE their puny
> minds, reducing them to ZOMBIE'S.
TOM: Ah, you're gonna make 'em listen to Rush Limbaugh eh?
> And then I'll put them to work
> rebuilding my empire.
>
> Bulk and Skull enter waving a "help wanted" flier. Both
> them are wearing their garish blazers and dark sunglasses.
TOM: Oh, it's the Idiots in Black!
>
> SKULL
> I understand you're looking for
> a few new assistants.
>
> Bulk does a G.Q. stance.
MIKE: Don't ever do that again.
>
> BULK
> Well put your mind to rest `cause
> now you've got the best.
>
> Ivan doesn't look too pleased.
CROW: He must've seen the opening take for this movie.
>
> IVAN
> What is this?! I advertised for
> brilliant and good looking
> assistants!
>
> Skull extends his hand.
>
> SKULL
> Hi, I'm brilliant.
>
> BULK (hand extended)
> And I'm good looking.
>
> Ivan steps forward.
>
> IVAN
> And I'm Little-Bo-Peep.
ALL: Baaah-baaaaahh
>
> Bulk and Skull lower the sunglasses and take a good look
> Ivan. Both of them swallow hard.
MIKE: Stop saying "swallow"!
TOM: Not to mention "hard".
>
> SKULL
> Bulk... why don't we give Mr.
> Peep here a chance to think it
> over?
>
> BULK
> A stellar idea, Skull.
>
> They start to back away.
>
> IVAN
> Not so fast, greaseballs.
>
> Goldar blocks their way.
>
> IVAN
> You'll have to do.
>
> 34 thru 38 OMITTED
>
> 39 EXT. PHAEDOS JUNGLE - DAY 39
>
> The Rangers move through foreboding jungle terrain, their ears
> alert to all the UNEARTHLY SOUNDS around them.
TOM: Their eyes, however, are shut tight.
>
Tommy watches
> Kimberly, who seems to be lost in thought.
MIKE: How could he tell? Doesn't she always have that dazed
expression?
>
> TOMMY
> Hey.
CROW: ...is for horses.
>
> Kimberly glances up.
>
> TOMMY
> You okay?
>
> Kimberly takes a moment to answer.
MIKE: <as Kimberly> Must... THINK... Must... try to... form
words...
>
> KIMBERLY
> I was just thinking about
> Zordon... everything we've been
> through together.
CROW: Let's NOT go there...
>
> AISHA
> You know, meeting Zordon...
> teaming up with you guys,
TOM: <as Aisha> ...really sucks.
> it's
> the best thing that's ever
> happened to me.
MIKE: That is SO sad...
>
> ROCKY
> It's the best thing that's ever
> happened to all of us.
ALL: WAAAAHHH!!!
MIKE: This is so beautiful!
CROW: This is so _nauseating_...
>
> ADAM
> ... He's gonna make it, guys.
>
> The others nod in agreement.
>
> TOMMY
> We'll get this warrior... save
> Zordon... and send that
> SLIMEBALL Ivan Ooze back to the
> SEWER he crawled out of.
TOM: Actually, he came out of an egg- weren't you paying
attention?
>
> Tommy's words sink in. He stops suddenly, sensing something.
MIKE: Use the Force, Tommy.
>
> ANGLE ON - MORDANT hiding behind a tree, watching the Ranger's
> pass.
TOM: "Ranger's Pass"? Is that a new road near Angel Grove?
>
> There's a HORRIFIC SCREECH --
MIKE: Ah, they're at an Alanis Morrisette concert.
> the kids look up as the TENGU
> WARRIORS COME SWEEPING OUT OF THE SKY
>
> ROCKY
> TAKE COVER!
>
> It's too late. The Tengu attack with unbelievable ferocity
> They SLASH with their claws, STAB with their beaks and BATTER
> with their wings.
TOM: You name it...
>
> KIMBERLY
> THEY'RE T00 STRONG??
MIKE: Why are you asking us?
>
> ADAM
> WE NEED OUR POWERS!!
CROW: Oh, "We need our powers"... Does the widdle bitty baby
not know how to defend himself from a bunch of overgrown
CHICKENS?
>
> Rocky is hurtled into some bushes, Aisha is knocked against a
> tree, Adam splashes down in a small creek.
MIKE: Hmmm... I thought water landings were Billy's shtick.
>
Mordant watches
> of this from the sidelines. He gets so excited that he starts
> throwing punches and kicks.
>
> MORDANT
> WHAM! KAPOW! BOOM!
CROW: Great, now he's a writer for the Batman tv show!
>
> He accidently punches a tree.
>
> MORDANT
> #0!@!#!
MIKE: Hey! Can you say that in a Power Rangers movie?
>
> One of the Tengu gets Kimberly in a choke-hold,
ALL: Kill 'er! Kill 'er!
>
> TOMMY
> HANG ON, KIMBERLY.
MIKE: <as Kimberly, choking> To what?
>
> Tommy rushes to help her and another Tengu trips him --
CROW: THAT'S mature!
> he
> TUMBLES HEAD OVER HEELS DOWN A SLOPE. We hear an OTHERWORDLY
> CRY as a small, hunched figure wearing a tattered robe
TOM: Yoda!
>
SWINGS
> IN ON A VINE.
ALL: <Tarzan yell>
>
> He proceeds to pull off what is nothing short of a miracle.
MIKE: He makes this movie good?
>
> He uses the STICKS for weapons as he executes a ROUNDHOUSE
> KICK, a SCISSOR-KICK TAKEDOWN, a SITTING SIDE KICK, a
> ROUNDHOUSE DROP SPIN BACK KICK, a PARALLEL BLOCK FROM THE
> OUTSIDE, a REVERSE HANDSWORD and so on.
TOM: Wait, I thought it was "you name it"? They're switching
phrases on us in the middle of the script!
>
> The creature punctuates the hits with an exotic variation of
> BRUCE LEE NOISES.
CROW: Ah, so the creature speaks Chinese!
>
> MORDANT
> What's the matter with you
> woodpeckers! Take this guy out!
MIKE: <as Mordant> ...Buy him a nice dinner, maybe go see a
play...
>
> The Tengu SQUAWK and SQUEAL as the little dynamo WAILS ON
> THEM.
CROW: ORGY! ORGY!
MIKE: CROW!
>
> MORDANT
> The Tengu Warriors my butt!
MIKE: What are "Two things no one wants to see"?
CROW: What are, "Two things that smell bad"!
> The
> Tengu TURKEYS is more like it!
MIKE: Well, the term "turkeys" certainly fits into THIS movie...
>
> Finally the Tengu retreat, WINGING UP THROUGH THE TREES.
CROW: As opposed to winging up through the dirt.
>
> MORDANT
> Hey, aren't you bird-brains
> forgetting something?!
>
> One of the Tengu SWOOPS IN AND SNATCHES Mordant up.
>
> MORDANT
> Watch the meathooks!!
>
> The Rangers recover and exchange expressions of utter
> disbelief
MIKE: <as random Ranger> Like, OHMIGOD!
>
> KIMBERLY
> Wow! That was amazing for such
> a little dude!
>
> The figure speaks in a HOARSE WHISPER.
TOM: I was right- it IS Yoda!
>
> FIGURE
> You're trespassing.
> (beat)
CROW: ..yourselves. Here are some sticks.
> Now state your business.
MIKE: Are you known for you work in the theater?
>
> TOMMY
> We're looking for the Master
> Warrior. Do you know where we
> can find him?
TOM: Wars not make one great!
>
> FIGURE
> The Master Warrior doesn't
> entertain visitors -
CROW: He's really dull, unfortunately.
>
> KIMBERLY
> But we have to find him. Our
> leader Zordon is dying.
MIKE: <as mysterious hooded figure> Here's quarter, kid...]
Call someone who cares.
>
> FIGURE
> Zordon?
>
> Now the most amazing thing happens. The figure RISES TO FULL
> HEIGHT OF SIX FEET, while simultaneously shedding it's robe.
ALL: AAAAAAAAAAHH!!
>
> Underneath is a SCANTILY CLAD, STUNNING AMAZONIAN WOMAN.
> We're talking B-U-I-L-T.
TOM: It'd not Yoda- it's Xena!
> Meet the Master warrior, DULCEA.
MIKE: Hi!
TOM: Nice to meet ya!
CROW: Why don't you come up and see me some time!
>
> The Rangers stand there with stunned expressions. Dulcea
> looks to Tommy.
TOM: Oh, she really desperate if she's looking to Tommy...
>
> DULCEA
> How did this happen?!
>
> Tommy just gapes.
CROW: <in boy-going-through-puberty-voice> Pardon me while I go
change my shorts...
MIKE: CROW!
> Kimberly gives him a cold glance and THUNKS
> him one with her elbow.
>
> KIMBERLY
> The lady asked you a question.
>
> TOMMY
> Huh ... Oh, uh, we re, ah...
>
> Kimberly intervenes.
ALL: THANK you!
CROW: Geez, at least one of them has half a brain...
>
> KIMBERLY
> He was attacked by this horrific
> being -- Ivan Ooze.
>
> DULCEA
> Ivan Ooze is free?! We are all
> in mortal danger!
MIKE: <as Dulcea> OH MY GOD! Run for your lives! We're
DOOOOMED!!!
>
> She moves off - the Rangers just stand there staring at each
> other.
TOM: God, I want to hurt them so bad.
CROW: So, these kids are supposed to be the saviors of the
universe, eh? We're in DEEP trouble...
>
> DULCEA
> Let' s go.
>
> The Rangers quickly follow her through the brush Aisha turns
> to Kimberly, speaks under her breath.
>
> AISHA
> Kind of bossy, isn't she?
MIKE: Ya know, they had a female character say that, cuz if one
of the boys had said it, it would sound sexist. And you
know what?
TOM: What?
MIKE: It still does.
>
> 39A.. EXT. ANGEL GROVE PARK - DAY (OLD SC 38) 39A
>
> CLOSE UP - OOZE CONTAINER
>
> There's a label with a picture of Ivan -- he's wearing make-up
> to make him a little more presentable.
TOM: Just like John Wayne Gacy.
>
> DOZENS OF KIDS Ranging in age from eight to seventeen, are
> swarming Bulk and Skull, who have set up a booth with a large
> banner that reads: "FREE OOZE!"
ALL: Free Ooze! Free Ooze!
MIKE: Attica! Attica!
TOM: Kill Whitey!
>
> Some kids STRETCH the ooze, others MOLD it,
MIKE: So, basically, it's purple Silly-Putty(tm)?
> others THROW it
> at each other. It's an ooze free-for-all.
CROW: ORGY! ORGY!!
MIKE: Crow!
>
> IVAN
> Boys and girls, girls and boys,
MIKE: Yep, I think that about covers it.
> gather round and feast your eyes.
TOM: That doesn't RHYME! "Boys" and eyes"? Eesh!
> This ain't sludge and this ain't
> guck... this is the one and only
> Ivan's Ooze! Yesireebob. It's
> ooey, gooey and even kind of
> chewy.
ALL: Ewwwww...
> But best of all it's
> FREE!
>
> Bulk and Skull run a booth. A banner screams "OOZE RULES".
MIKE: 1. Do not feed OOZE after midnight.
CROW: 2. Do not immerse OOZE in water.
TOM: 3. Do not tease Happy Fun OOZE.
> Kids crowd around.
>
> BULK
> Here you go! No pushing!
>
> SKULL
> There's enough for everybody!
>
> Fred approaches.
>
> FRED
> So where'd this guy come from?
CROW: From his mother, same as you.
>
> Bulk and Skull exchange apprehensive looks.
>
> SKULL
> Uh... that's classified, top
> secret, confidential, undercover
> information.
>
> BULK
> If we told you -- we'd have to
> kill you.
ALL Do it, do it!
>
> Fred looks at the container in his hand but he doesn't open
> it. Skull sees a kid HURL some ooze at him.
>
> SKULL
> INCOMING!
>
> Skull ducks and Bulk gets SPLATTERED in the face. Bulk glares
> at Skull, wipes some goop off, FLICKS it at Skull.
>
> WIZARD
> Come on, come all -- it's an COZE
TOM: <cute voice> Oh, how COZY...
> FREE FOR ALL!
>
> He smiles, revealing a glistening silver tooth.
MIKE: Gee... Do you think that could be... Ivan Ooze?
'BOTS: NOOO??
>
> 40 thru 42 OMITTED
>
> 42A EXT. DULCEA'S MOUNTAINSIDE COMPLEX 42A
MIKE: Yeah, she's really complex.
CROW: So don't be fooled by her s-e-x.
>
- DAY 42A
>
> An oriental garden set against a stunning hillside vista.
CROW: I'm stunned.
MIKE: Me, too.
TOM: Eh, I've seen better.
>
> 43 EXT. DULCEA'S CAMP / PHAEDOS - DAY 43
>
> The kids are seated on rocks by a lakeside, all of them
> drinking from clay mugs.
MIKE: Oh-hoo! Chug it!
CROW: Finish it!
TOM: Woo-hoo!
> Dulcea finishes handing out bowls.
> Aisha stares into hers with a grim expression.
>
> AISHA
> Is this... food!
MIKE: Yes;
>
> DULCEA
> They're called squirbs.
>
> Kimberly lifts out an EEL-LIKE CREATURE, and watches it SQUIRM
> between her fingers.
>
> KIMBERLY
> Mine seems to be a little
> undercooked.
TOM: So... Dulcea's a Klingon, basically?
>
> Dulcea sprinkles hers with brown flakes.
>
> DULCEA
> Add a few dried weevils and
> you'll never know the difference.
CROW: Oh, well, of COURSE...
>
> The other Rangers watch as Billy holds one of the squirbs over
> his mouth and drops it in. He chews a few times, lets out a
> BURP.
MIKE: Ewww!
TOM: Billy! Mind your manners, geez!
>
> BILLY
> ... Not bad.
>
> TOMMY
> Listen, we appreciate your
> hospitality, but we really don't
> have much time.
MIKE: <as "Tommy"> I mean, how much longer can we pass as
teenagers, anyway?
>
> Dulcea looks to Tommy.
CROW: Again, is she REALLY that desperate...?
TOM: It's "looks AT"; "Dulcea looks AT Tommy". Geez!
>
> DULCEA
> What do you know of the Great
> Power?
MIKE: <as Tommy> Well, its... Ummm... Great?
>
> KIMBERLY
> Only that we need it to defeat
> Ivan Ooze.
>
> Dulcea's eyes move from Ranger to Ranger.
CROW: I'm assuming they're still in her head at the time...
>
> DULCEA
> It is said that to those who
> possess the Power... all things
> are possible.
>
> BILLY
> Where did it originate?
TOM: <as Dulcea> Well, you see, Billy; when a mommy and daddy
Power love each other very much...
>
> DULCEA
> In another time, another
> dimension.
ALL: "A dimension of sight; a dimension of mind..."
> It was brought here
> long ago by the "Nathadians", a
> people who are now all but
> extinct.
> They built an impenetrable stone
> Monolith to store the power and
> keep it from their enemies.
> (ominous)
> For thousands of years, beings
> from all over the Universe have
> tried to obtain it... ALL have
> perished.
MIKE:<as random Ranger> So we don't stand a chance, do we?
>
> Dulcea's words hang heavily in the air.
TOM: Then fall, crushing the whole group.
>
> AISHA
> So how can we get to it?
>
> DULCEA
> The only way to obtain the power
> is to achieve the highest state
> of being...
CROW: Being a robot!
TOM: Yeah!!
>
> TOMMY
> And how do we do that?
>
> DULCEA
> By learning the ancient art of
> Ninjetti.
TOM: So, are they gonna become "Ninjetti Knights?"
CROW: She really IS Yoda!
> It is the Genesis
CROW: In the beginning...
> of
> what you on earth have come to
> know as the Ninja.
MIKE: So, they're gonna become assassins and thieves?
> (beat)
> It is the perfect union of mind,
> body and spirit.
>
> ROCKY
> Look, Zordon doesn't have much
> longer to live.
CROW: You say that like it's a bad thing...
> And for all we
> know, Angel Grove could already
> be under attack. We don't have
> TIME for this.
ALL: Shut up, Rocky!
>
> As Rocky is talking, a flubbery looking SNOUT works it's way
> over Kimberly's shoulder. She hasn't noticed it yet.
MIKE: Great- she's about to be felt up by en elephant...
>
> DULCEA
> You don't understand.
MIKE: THERE'S a shock.
> If you do
> not have the Ninjetti, the power
> will destroy you.
CROW: You say that like it's a-
MIKE: Ok, ok...
> (beat)
> To reach the Monolith we must
> traverse the Neola jungle. We
> will train today, and set out on
> foot tomorrow.
MIKE: Oh, can't we fly, instead?
>
> The snout works it's way underneath Kimberly's chin -- she
> SCREAMS FOR ALL SHE'S WORTH.
MIKE: Which, according to Tommy, is a LOT!
CROW: Geez, Mike, and you say I'm bad!
>
> INCLUDE - A TERRIFIED SNOGGLE.
MIKE: No. You can't make us!
>
> This is Dulcea's ant-eater like assistant. He jumps up and
> down, YAMMERING and GESTICULATING.
TOM: Ew! Don't do that in public, Snoggle!
>
> SNOGGLE
> HNUGLHLU PHUNGLUMP BUGHLSMRPH
> GBUJIPHN HUPHLGMPNORU!!!
MIKE: MLFDKVKVPDKFKLVKCVKFLGFDKVVFD!?!?
TOM: How did you do that?
MIKE: It's a secret.
>
> DULCEA
> Snoggle, you watch your language!
>
> Snoggle now re-fills Aisha's tea-cup.
>
> SNOGGLE
> Slnughyu buglhugrmrph?
>
> AISHA
> Excuse me?
CROW: He said, "Do you want some more, you little slut?"
>
> SNOGGLE
> Slnughyu buglhugrmrph?
>
> DULCEA
> He wants to know if you'd like a
> cube of sugar in your tea.
>
> AISHA
> Ah... sure.
>
> We hear a PHOOT as Snoggle BLOWS A CUBE OF SUGAR OUT HIS SNOUT
> AND IT SPLASHES INTO AISHA'S TEA.
ALL: Ewwww, Urg, etc.
MIKE: This story is getting grosser and grosser...
> Aisha stares at the cube a
> moment.
>
> AISHA
> Ah... thanks.
MIKE: Ah... you're welcome.
>
> The other Rangers watch as Billy holds one of the squibs above
> his mouth and drops it in. He chews a few times, lets out a
> BURP.
>
> BILLY
> ... Not bad.
TOM: Wait, didn't we just DO that scene?
>
> 43A EXT. ANGEL GROVE LANE - DAY (OLD SC 40) 43A
>
> Night has fallen on Angel Grove. We PAN ACROSS a quiet,
> middle- class neighborhood, settle on a two story house.
TOM: Crushing the house and all inside.
>
> 43B INT. LIVING ROOM / KELMAN-RESIDENCE - DAY (OLD SC 41)
>
> CLOSE ON - OOZE CONTAINER
>
> We PULL BACK to reveal it's sitting on a table.
>
> Mr Kelman enters, looks it over curiously. He picks it up,
> opens it and sticks his finger inside.
TOM: Yeah, that's it... Stick your fingers in an unknown pile
of goo...
CROW: <George C. Scott as Patton> When you sick your hand in a
pile of goo that a moment ago was your best friend's face...
>
> Suddenly a CRACKLING ELECTRICAL CURRENT RUNS OVER HIS ENTIRE
> BODY. His face goes blank and his eyes momentarily GLOWS
> PURPLE. Now he strides purposefully out the door.
TOM: Time to make the donuts...
MIKE: And time for us to go.
<they leave the theater>
"Did anything about that seem strange to you?"
-Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones), _Men_in_Black_
Catherine Johnson ---------- MiSTie #75,125 ---------- TCur...@aol.com