MiSTing Repost: The Newcomer [ 2 / 4 ]
Joseph Nebus
'The Newcomer', there was a server glitch on my Usenet feed that wiped
it out again. Google seems to have found it, though, so let me spare
you a second reposting in 24 hours and carry on to the second part of
this antic adventure.
Obviously when I originally wrote this I hadn't figured out
how to handle stage directions in a completely satisfying manner, but
like I said, I was really underprepared to write this when I started.
I don't know why I find the ``trifle'' riff so amusing, but
most of my best jokes make no sense to me anyway. Now if you don't
mind, the second part of Ryan Huber's The Newcomer:
--------
>Part 4
> Ryan and Kain...whom he had found used to have the name Eric on
>Earth,
CROW: Though he preferred to be called "Bootsie."
> had finally returned to their huts
JOEL: With special movie posters to decorate the place.
> and gotten a bit of sleep.
>Even though only about three hours of sleep was right up there with
>wanting to twist his ankle for the heck of it,
TOM: I think that sentence is in an alternate reality.
> he woke up surprisingly
>refreshed.
JOEL: Pepsi: The choice of a generation trapped in another dimension.
> As he opened his eyes, he was aware of another person in the
>room with him.
CROW: A-waka-chika-waka-chika
> He sat up and stared into the shadows. He saw a dark shape,
TOM: In the shadows?
> and
>was suddenly frightened. Who could have gotten in so easily...then he
>knew.
JOEL: It's Howard Borden!
> "Ha, ha...very funny Sonic...
CROW: Not that funny.
> putting a dummy in the shadows..."
JOEL: [ Singing ] There's a dummy in the shadows, Dear Martha, Dear
Martha...
> "Actually, I consider my self rather clever..."
TOM: I'm not, but...
> Ryan jumped into the air,
CROW: OUCHIE! That's hot.
> hoped to come down back on the bed, and
>missed.
JOEL: Oh, just like Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy.
TOM: Only not.
> After recovering, he quickly scrambled to his feet, and looked
>toward the sound of the voice.
> A fox stepped out of the shadows.
JOEL: Into the unlit room?
> Ryan thought to himself, "No
>wonder the shape was so dark...
TOM: It's night.
> her fur is black."
CROW: In case you missed her description.
> Sandra Nightweaver stepped over to Ryan
JOEL: It would've been quicker if she walked.
> until only about five feet
>separated them.
TOM: Also a gulf of sociopolitical ideals.
> "Well, well..." Sandra said. "So you're the hominid
CROW: Hominid hominid hominid...
JOEL: To the moon, pal.
>that Packbell's raving about...and human, too."
CROW: Vogue it!
TOM: Humans are all the fashion in Robotropolis this spring.
> Ryan regained his wits and composure,
JOEL: And earned an 8.9 from the judges.
> and replied to the stranger.
CROW: In response.
>"Who are you...and who's Packbell?"
> The stranger permitted herself a light slap on the cheek.
TOM: Mrrrowl!
> "How
>rude of me not to introduce myself."
JOEL: While I was breaking and entering.
> She bowed deeply, Ryan knew it was
>touched with sarcasm,
JOEL: He had remembered to read the script for the scenes he was in.
> but not much. "I am Sandra Nightweaver, finder of
>information."
TOM: "Well, don't you *ever* bow at me like that again, missy."
> Ryan allowed himself a small smile,
CROW: [ As Ryan ] I am just *so* decadent at times.
> and said, "Ah...a euphemism
>for a
JOEL: New World Wide Web search engine!
> spy...isn't it?"
> "Clever one, aren't you.
TOM: No, I think you have me confused with someone else...oh, wait,
I mean...
JOEL: Don't be mean. You're insulting a real person there.
> I suppose you could say that."
> "Thank you. Don't forget, I also asked about this...Packbell
>character."
CROW: Yeah, but that was like over a whole paragraph ago. We can't
remember everything.
> "Ah, yes...Robotnik's only android.
JOEL: He'd get another one but can't figure out how to make this
one's clock stop blinking 12:00.
> Capable of basic
>emotions...
CROW: Also entering sweepstakes...
TOM: Changing his long distance telephone carrier...
JOEL: Even forming primitive riffs on Star Trek fanfics.
> no mercy, however."
> "Sounds like a rather pleasant fellow...not."
> "Couldn't have said it better myself."
CROW: Though it was easier just to give actual information.
> Ryan judged Sandra to be quite clever,
TOM: This judgment was overturned on appeal.
> and not one to trifle with.
ALL: [ Shaking ] Trifle trifle trifle trifle trifle!
>Sandra judged Ryan in the same way. The mutual respect showed.
CROW: Is that mutual respect in your pocket, or...
> Both
>noticeably relaxed, and were less wary of each other.
JOEL: Wanna...mutually respect each other?
> "To whom are you loyal, anyway?" Ryan thought aloud.
> "No one but myself, but thanks for asking.."
TOM: We have some wonderful parting gifts for you, and thanks for
playing!
> Ryan smiled again, thinking.
CROW: [ Nerdy voice ] Ow! That hurts!
> "She's good...
JOEL: Well, evil, by original affiliation, but...
> gotta remember to
>never get her mad at me..."
> The wooden porch outside the hut
TOM: It's a split-level hut, did we mention that?
> creaked as someone stepped on it,
>and up to my door.
JOEL: My door?
CROW: This story's in third person first person omniscient limited.
> Sandra turned around quickly.
> "So sorry. Must go."
TOM: "You have a door around here?"
> Ryan turned to see who was coming in.
JOEL: Hey! It's Quickie Koala!
> Standing at the door was
>Rotor.
> Rotor peered around. "I thought I heard you talking to someone in
>here."
CROW: Personal lives are tightly regulated here, you know.
> Ryan looked around. There was no trace of Sandra.
TOM: Hey! We were gonna mutually respect!
> "I was, actually."
> "Who?"
> "I had an interesting conversation
JOEL: Almost.
> with someone called Sandra-"
> "Nightweaver?" Rotor finished.
> "Yes. Anything I should know about her?"
TOM: Well, she really likes Jerry from Gym class, but won't be in
the same room as Minnie from History.
CROW: I can pass her a note in Intro French.
> "Sally should hear about this one...
JOEL: She has such a weird sense of humor.
> Sounded like you two got
>along... Last time we talked to her, it was for a few minutes, and she
TOM: Insisted on giving all her answers as charades.
>was still deciding whether to turn us in to Robotnik or not. Obviously
>she didn't."
> "She seemed trustworthy to me."
CROW: She just broke in, admitted herself to be a spy, said she
had no loyalties to anyone but herself, and sneaked out, after all.
> Rotor wondered for a moment. "To you, maybe. She must be taking
>a liking to you...
JOEL: I can tell even though I don't know a thing about your conversation.
> Still, be careful...and Sally should hear of this."
> Ryan nodded. "I'll tell her right now."
> Ryan headed out the door...looked left, then right, then right
>again.
TOM: Darn these gas station maps.
CROW: Punch line coming in!
> He turned back to Rotor, blushed and smiled weakly. "Which
>place is Sally's?"
CROW: Ooh! They nailed that one.
> Some directions
JOEL: It's the one with the mailbox that reads "Sally" on it.
> and a few minutes later, Ryan was telling Sally
>all that had happened between him and Sandra.
TOM: [ As Sally ] "Did you enjoy your mutual respecting, young man?"
> "Well, Sally...after I turned and saw it was Rotor...I looked back
>and she was gone. No trace of her."
> Sally smiled and nodded.
JOEL: Whole lot of smiling going on these days.
> "Yes, she tends to do that. Thanks for
>telling me."
> Sally was beginning to trust Ryan more and more. Despite her dark
>premonitions
TOM: In the part of the story we're not writing.
> about the young human, she was beginning to come around,
>and see him as a total and complete equal.
JOEL: There's an Orwell joke in here somewhere, it's just not coming
to me.
> She was almost ready to ask
>him the questions needed for
CROW: Final Jeopardy.
> him to become an official Freedom Fighter,
>then send him on his first mission.
ALL: White Castle run!
> Ryan was beginning to like Mobius more and more, but still missed
>his old home.
CROW: They just can't do wide fields right here.
> He couldn't wait to be initiated as a Freedom Fighter.
>He knew Sally, Sonic, Bookshire, Rotor, Sir Kain, and some others
TOM: Ensign Nameless, Security Guard Deadmeat, and Security Chief
Anonymous.
> truly
>trusted him, but he also saw a few talking about him behind his back.
>He realized how they must feel about him being new and human,
JOEL: His shoes still squeaked.
CROW: New humans do that?
JOEL: Oh, sure.
> and had
>seen what they had been put through by a human, and understood. He just
>hoped it didn't escalate.
TOM: He might get publicly snubbed.
>Part 5
> A few Freedom Fighters stood in a group, listening to rumors and
>passing on mostly fanciful information
CROW: Like rumors.
> about the new addition to the
>group.
> One looked around quickly. "I heard he really is another android,
TOM: And what's wrong with androids?
>and he's hypnotized Sonic..."
> More began to join in. "Yeah, sure. I'll admit,
JOEL: Since that's the only way I'll get a line here.
> he probably is
>an android, but hypnotizing...nah. Could be that Robotnik's using him
>without his knowledge
CROW: Robotnik's doing stuff without his own knowledge?
> to find Knothole."
> "If so," came a voice from behind the group. "We all would have
>been caught before this and been roboticized right now."
TOM: Well, maybe they're all robots without their own knowledge.
> The Freedom Fighters spun around, only to see Bookshire standing
>right there.
JOEL: "Hey, Bookshire, did you hear some guy talking back there?"
> Bookshire shook his head. "How can you just make this all
>up? What proof do you have?"
CROW: I have a proof, but it's too large for the margin here.
> A few glanced around, and one spoke up. "My friend over here," he
>said, pointing to another, "says he saw the human talk to a SWATbot in
>the woods last night..."
CROW: They were necking.
> Bookshire looked skeptical. "Did you, really?" He asked.
> "Er...um.... No..."
TOM: Oh, it's a Sonic The Hedgehog production of "Monty Python And
The Holy Grail."
> "There you go...nothing but cruel rumors...would you like someone
>making up things about you, with no actual knowledge of the subject."
JOEL: Depends what kind of things.
> "But...the human-"
> "He has a name."
CROW: Winky.
> "Never mind..."
> The group wandered away in different directions,
JOEL: Aw, we're not a group. Just a bunch.
> and Bookshire
>shook his head again.
CROW: Once more.
> He knew that this was going to take a lot of
>getting used to...for him as well as everyone else.
> Ryan looked from the shadows
JOEL: And wondered what the heck he was doing on Babylon 5 all of
a sudden.
> at Bookshire and smiled. When he saw
>Bookshire approach the group, he had moved back into the shadows. He
>was very glad to know that someone
TOM: Possibly a raccoon.
JOEL: Or a walrus.
> was helping him out.
CROW: Or...not.
>Part 6
> Sandra Nightweaver walked back through the forest.
TOM: She had little choice as the planet was too small to allow for
any other geography.
> Finding Ryan
>had been quick, but definitely not easy.
JOEL: She had to find the house with the mailbox that said, "Probably
A Traitor But We Can't Prove It Yet."
> She had decided to start her search in Knothole, and was simply
>quite lucky that her search had also ended. She had instantly noticed
>something different,
CROW: His second nose.
> and it had taken her awhile to determine which hut
>was new,
TOM: It was the one with the fresh aluminum siding.
> then waiting until everyone else had gone inside.
> She rather liked the human. He was clever and quick,
CROW: He was?
JOEL: Don't be mean, now...we're looking at somebody projecting
his self-image in here. I don't want to hurt anybody's ego.
> much like
>herself, and she then realized
TOM: That son of a daughter stole my wallet!
> it. She stopped in her tracks
JOEL: You know, she actually does stop in her tracks.
> and spoke
>aloud.
> "I...I think of him as an equal...and friend.
CROW: All this mutual respect is going to lead to rock and roll, I
just know it.
> But...I haven't had
>a...friend...in a long time."
> She looked shocked for a moment, then smiled a bit
TOM: Mobius: The smilingest planet in any dimension.
> and continued
>on.
>
> Packbell continued his area scan.
> "There must be a power signature
JOEL: "To my biggest fan, thanks a lot, signed Robbie the Robot..."
> somewhere! Unless...unless since
>it wasn't the main transport to here...the power was lower, and faded
>faster. ARGH!"
TOM: I'm getting interference from a Geordi and Data scene.
> The android decided not to relieve his stress on a SWATbot,
TOM, CROW: Whew!
> but
>hold it in.
JOEL: Excuse me, where's the little android's room?
> One day he'd run out of SWATbots at his disposal.
CROW: Budgets just ruin all the good scenes.
TOM: Budget on a fanfic?
> "Hmm.." he thought. "This could work out to be much harder than I
>ever expected.
JOEL: It's a level 3 Revell/Monogram kit...those are so tricky.
TOM: Oh, I know. I tried building a level 3 Apollo spaceship Command and
Service Module, it took me like two years before I was done.
JOEL: Well, you probably could've done it in half the time if your arms
worked.
> However, one day, the hominid will stumble across
>Robotropolis,
TOM: Even though there isn't any good reason to think he will.
> and I'll find out more."
> Packbell smiled and sat down again, patiently going over reports.
CROW: "This book report is on 'The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn,'
a book written by the author, Mark Twain, on his writing of it..."
> Sally looked up, and smiled. She had finally decided.
JOEL: I *like* string.
> Ryan would
>be a Freedom Fighter.
CROW: But he really wants to be a fireman. Who's also a baseball player.
> She leaned out the window and called for Sonic.
> A minute passed, and Sonic was there.
JOEL: Sonic is the best insurance agent we ever had.
> Sally smirked. "You must be getting slow...took you almost a full
>minute to get here."
> "Sorry, Sal. Stopped to make a quick chili dog.
TOM: Characterization!
> What's up?"
> "Sonic, I've decided...I'll give Ryan
CROW: A wedgie.
> the chance."
> "Alright, Sal! I seriously think he'll be a good group member.
JOEL: He makes the coolest ashtrays, and he's really good with
making bows out of ribbons.
>Don't forget I call 'em as well as you."
> "How so?"
> "I supported Tolouse,
CROW: The Trekkie?
> didn't I?"
> "I'll give you that one, Sonic.
TOM: But you'll have to buy the next four at regular club prices.
> Now, please get Ryan."
> "No prob."
> Ryan was lying back on his bed, relaxing, and looking out the
>window, enjoying the fresh air and the beam of sunlight that was coming
>in.
TOM: This sentence brought to you by "Conjunction Junction."
> He felt a stronger breeze,
CROW: That slapped him in the face.
> and had already figured out who it was
>before the door opened.
TOM: ThunderCat Cheetara!
> "Heya, Sonic."
> "Hey, bud.
JOEL: That's "pal" to you.
> Sal wants to talk to you."
CROW: She found out you put the stink bomb in the teachers' lounge.
> "Seriously?! Wow! I have a chance, don't I?!"
> "Can't say for sure,
TOM: I wasn't paying attention either.
> but hurry up."
> Before Sonic could even finish his last sentence,
JOEL: Three to five, for malicious mischief.
> Ryan was up and
>out the door,
TOM: His door was on the second floor.
> practically running as fast as Sonic. Sonic grinned and
>turned around to go find something else to do.
CROW: I could alphabetize my socks...could gold-plate the cat...hm...
> Ryan ran quickly up to Sally's door,
JOEL: And bumped into it with his nose.
> opened it,
JOEL: Oh.
TOM: He's too clever to fall for that.
CROW: Quick, too.
> and entered,
>catching his breath.
CROW: Which was much faster than him on the 100 meter sprints.
> The heavy weight of excitement
TOM: Excitement is made of concrete?
> grew on his chest
CROW: Oh, uh, you got something on your...ew, that's gross...
>as he moved over to Sally, waiting for her to
JOEL: Mutually respect him.
> say something.
> Sally looked up and smiled. "Sit, please."
CROW: Sit! Good boy. Here's a Scooby-Snack.
> Ryan did. Sally could see the mix of determination and
TOM: Bisquick.
> excitement
>in his eyes, and knew he was going to be very helpful
CROW: Moving heavy furniture.
> during this awful
>war.
TOM: They're having a war?
CROW: Well, they said something about it, sorta.
JOEL: Maybe they just hold it on weekends.
> She sat also, and began to ask Ryan about all she wanted to know.
CROW: Is it true what they say about fur-less primates?
> [[Note: The questions and answers are being kept totally
> confidential,
TOM: Huh?
JOEL: I think we just broke continuity.
> as Sally doesn't want the interview to be known by
> all,
CROW: Just in case somebody reads this story and later ends up
being transported to Mobius and wants to fake being a freedom fighter?
JOEL: Well, transport to Mobius has happened at least twice, from
what this story says.
> because she wants to use these questions over to ask others
> in the future. See "Run with the Fox", by Kris Kelley, for more
> details.
TOM: Unless Kris did this same trick.
> ]]
>
> "Well, Ryan...that was the last question.
CROW: Did pick up the story's pace, though.
TOM: True. Maybe we're about to hit plot.
> I just want you to
>promise me two things."
JOEL: No hogging the peanut butter, and, like, don't be a traitor,
okay?
> "What's that, Sally?"
> "Don't be disappointed..."
> Ryan looked down at his feet
CROW: Which were down.
> with a little bit of a frown.
TOM: I have frowny feet.
> "And, Ryan?"
> "Yes?" Ryan looked up.
JOEL: At his nose.
> "Don't tell anyone these questions...
TOM: [ As Ryan ] What questions? All I got was this little
authorial intrusion.
> I don't want you giving hints
>on how to become a Freedom Fighter."
JOEL: But apparently just showing up one day out of nowhere is
all it takes, really.
> Ryan's face lit up,
CROW: Ryan's got halogen nostrils.
JOEL: It saves energy, really.
> and her jumped to his feet with a shout.
TOM: Hey! Who got shout all over my feet?
>"ALRIGHT! I made it!"
> Sally smiled.
JOEL: It *is* the smilingest planet in existence.
> "Good job, Ryan. Your first mission is already
>coming up.
TOM: I want you to return my videos to the store.
> It is a bit dangerous for a new member,
CROW: But we really don't care about any of the people we're sending out.
> but I think you can
>handle it. I'm sending you with Sir Kain."
JOEL: We don't like him, either.
> "Good. I trust Eric,
TOM: The Half-a-Kain.
> and I think he trusts me as well."
JOEL: He left me a chewed-up rat carcass this morning as a gift.
> "So..he told you the name he had before...
CROW: Well, more like he doesn't seem to not tell anyone his name.
> Anyway, exactly why I
>chose him to go."
JOEL: It's a mystery to me, too.
> "When do we leave?"
> "Tomorrow. Early morning."
TOM: That way you won't have a chance of being prepared.
> "What's the mission going to be, anyway?"
CROW: You're to be captured, and then killed--oh, wait, forget I
said that--
> "Information retrieval.
JOEL: Our cable TV is down.
> Sonic's uncle, Charles,
[ JOEL and CROW giggle ]
TOM: Charles the Hedgehog?
CROW: Sorry, Charlie. We only roboticize the *best* hedgehogs.
> was roboticized,
CROW: Oh.
>but he has control again. He's our link to Robotnik's information."
CROW: www-dot-robotnik-dot-org.
> "I see. Fairly easy, but be on guard for the unexpected, eh?"
JOEL: Oh...yeah, guard, whatever.
> "Exactly. Good luck, Ryan. I believe in
CROW: Crystal Light.
TOM: I believe in *me*.
[ ALL get up and start leaving. ]
> you."
> "Thanks," Ryan said, smiling.
[ BREAK ]