[MSTing] Knight Rider: "Trust Doesn't Rust" (3/4)
Craig J. Clark
uniform, is eating popcorn. Tom, dressed in a sweater with a Three
Rings button on it, is hovering nearby.]
TOM: Come on, Mike. Humor us.
MIKE: Oh, all right, but do I have to wear this silly uniform?
TOM: Absolutely. Now remember, you're a Three Rings employee who's
just asked me -- your manager -- about working in drive thru.
MIKE: Do you mind if I continue eating my popcorn?
TOM: By all means. [as manager] Now, Mike, I hear you're interested
in working drive thru here at the Three Rings.
MIKE: Umm, yes.
TOM: Excellent! Follow me and I'll show you the training video.
MIKE: Umm, okay.
[Tom hovers two feet to the left, where a cardboard mock-up of a
television on a rolling rack is standing. There is a cardboard VCR
on the shelf underneath it.]
TOM: Make yourself comfortable while I get it started.
MIKE: Whatever.
[Mike sits on a stool while Tom pretends to fiddle with the VCR.]
TOM: Ahh, here we go. You sit back and watch. I'll be back when
it's over. I'll just get the lights on my way out.
[He exits and nothing happens. After a few seconds, he comes back
in.]
TOM: Uhh, Cambot, could you get the lights for me?
[The lights dim, save for one on the area behind the television.]
TOM: Thanks.
[He exits. After a second, Crow and Gypsy walk into the area behind
the television. Crow is dressed in a sweater with a Three Rings
button on it and Gypsy is dressed in a Three Rings uniform. They
speak very woodenly.]
CROW: Now, Rosie, I hear you're interested in working drive thru here
at the Three Rings.
GYPSY: I certainly am, Mr. Tobor!
CROW: Excellent! Well, let's get you started. Follow me to your
station.
[They walk out of the television's frame. Nothing happens for a
second, then a cardboard cash register and microphone get pushed into
frame by Tom, who tries not to be seen. After a few seconds, Gypsy
and Crow re-enter.]
CROW: Well, here we are!
GYPSY: Wow! It's even more incredible than I ever imagined it! How
does it work?
CROW: Well, first you have to wait for a customer to arrive.
[They hear the sound of a car pulling up offscreen.]
CROW: Looks like you have a customer!
GYPSY: My first customer of the day! What do I do?
CROW: First, you hit this button.
[He hits a button on the register. Canned calliopse music plays.]
GYPSY: Okay, now what?
CROW: Now, you read this script. Remember to speak directly into the
microphone and smile!
[Crow holds up a script for Gypsy.]
GYPSY: [as ringmaster] Ladies and gentlemen...and children of all
ages! Welcome to the Center Ring! [as herself] Gee, that was
fun!
CROW: There's more.
GYPSY: Oh! [as ringmaster] The ringmaster is ready for your order.
TOM: [on speaker] Great, I'd like two Big Top Burgers with extra mayo
and a--
CROW: Hold on, sir. Rosie, you forgot to roll your r's.
GYPSY: What?
CROW: You're supposed to roll your r's like this: The r-r-ringmaster
is r-r-ready for your order! Now you try.
GYPSY: I can't.
CROW: Go on, try.
GYPSY: How can I roll my r's? I don't have a tongue!
CROW: I don't have a tongue, either, but that's not stopping me.
TOM: [on speaker] Hey, is somebody going to take my order?
CROW: In a minute, sir. Come on, Rosie, try it. The r-r-ringmaster.
R-r-ring, r-r-ring.
GYPSY: I can't do it!
CROW: Well, if you can't do it, then you can't work drive thru!
GYPSY: Fine, then I won't!
CROW: Fine!
GYPSY: Fine!
CROW: Fine!
[They both storm off in opposite directions. Nothing happens for a
few seconds.]
TOM: [on speaker] Umm, is anyone still there to take my order?
MIKE: [his mouth full of popcorn] No.
TOM: [on speaker] Oh. Cambot?
[The lights go back to normal. Tom re-enters.]
TOM: So, Mike, did you learn everything you needed to know about
working drive thru here at the Three Rings?
MIKE: Umm, no.
TOM: I see, good. Well, I think you're ready. Let me show you to
your station.
[Lights flash.]
MIKE: No time for that, we have crap teleplay sign!
[...6...5...4...3...2...Theater]
> ACT THREE
>
> FADE IN
>
> INT. SEMI - DAY
MIKE: It's only partially day.
> Devon is with a police Officer near the door.
TOM: Why the random capitalization?
CROW: Well, you see, this way the actor feels he's got a real part.
"I'm the Officer!"
> Michael
> leans against the wall, glaring. Bonnie works on K.I.T.T.
>
> OFFICER
> (eyeing
> Michael)
TOM: [as Officer] "Hello, sailor!"
> Uh...you can understand the
> confusion. Maybe until we nail the
> stolen car, you should paint yours
> another color.
MIKE: [as Officer] "I like a nice beige myself, but turquoise is also
good."
> DEVON
> We'll take it under advisement,
> Officer. Thank you.
TOM: See? Even Devon capitalizes it.
CROW: Well, Devon's a butthead.
> He shows the Officer out the door.
>
> K.I.T.T.
> I hope you didn't take that
> suggestion seriously, Mr. Miles.
> I am quite happy with basic black.
TOM: It's slimming.
> MICHAEL
> Aren't we overreacting a bit here?
> I mean, all these guys have done is
> wipe out a ringmaster...they didn't
> even steal any hamburgers.
MIKE: That's because the restaurant was still on the breakfast shift.
> DEVON
> Michael, Karr is like a loaded gun
> in the hand of a child. It's only a
> matter of time before there's a real
> explosion.
CROW: So, they didn't make guns that well in the '80s, huh?
MIKE: Yeah, they exploded in the hands of children all the time.
> K.I.T.T.
> Bonnie...unless I'm mistaken, you
> seem to be repositioning my main
> power booster.
TOM: [as Kitt] "It feels kinda kinky."
> BONNIE
> (hesitant)
> Uh...yes. I'm making room for a...uh
> ...new component.
>
> K.I.T.T.
> What kind of component?
CROW: A new one. Didn't you hear?
> DEVON
> (quickly)
> Ah...we're not yet certain it's
> necessary, Kitt...we're just
> planning ahead.
>
> K.I.T.T.
> I see.
TOM: [as Kitt] "Uhh, wait. That didn't sound soulless enough. I
meant, 'I compute.'"
> Michael, considering the
> confusion of the law enforcement
> authorities, regarding myself and
> Karr, I'll understand it if you want
> to work without me until this crisis
> is over.
>
> FAVORING MICHAEL
CROW: The scriptwriter always plays favorites.
> MICHAEL
> No, Kitt. I had a lot of partners
> when I was a cop...
MIKE: [as Michael] "A great many of them died due to my incompetence,
but..."
> (beat)
> You're the best of all of them.
>
> K.I.T.T.
> (after a
> moment)
> Thank you, Michael. I, of course,
> can make no such generalization
> about you.
CROW: [as Kitt] "Because as you know I'm an unfeeling machine,
damnit."
> However, I project odds
> of a thousand to one against my
> meeting a more compatible human than
> yourself.
>
> MICHAEL
> (touched)
> Thank you....
TOM: Michael breaks down in tears, Devon offers him a handkerchief.
MIKE: Everybody averts their eyes, embarrassed.
> Michael pulls up a chair, sits next to K.I.T.T.
>
> MICHAEL
> Okay, partner. Maybe you've got
> some ideas about that other car.
> You know...some chinks in its armor?
CROW: [as Kitt] "My sensors showed no flaws in the outer body--"
MIKE: [as Michael] "Cut the I'm-a-machine-I-don't-understand-idioms
crap for a minute, okay, Kitt?"
> K.I.T.T.
> I have insufficient data to be
> certain, Michael. However, since
> Karr is as powerful and as nearly
> indestructible as myself, Zeno's
> Paradoxes should be a factor.
TOM: What, all of them?
> MICHAEL
> Zeno?
>
> DEVON
> The Greek philosopher and scientist,
> 335-263 BC.
>
> K.I.T.T.
> Very good, Mr. Miles.
CROW: [as Kitt] "I think I'll kill you last."
> MICHAEL
> I don't get it.
MIKE: I'm not surprised.
> K.I.T.T.
> Michael, Zeno first postulated a
> question which my twin would cer-
> tainly be aware of; to wit:
TOM: [as Kitt] "'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck
could chuck wood?'"
> 'What would happen if an irresistible
> force met an immovable object?'
>
> MICHAEL
> Yeah...yeah...you're right.
MIKE: [as Michael] "That is soooo deep."
> BONNIE
> So what's the answer, Kitt?
>
> K.I.T.T.
> No one knows, Bonnie. No one knows.
CROW: [as Kitt] "It's a _paradox._ Weren't you listening, bitch?"
> As they all chew on that, we:
TOM: Change the channel.
> CUT TO
>
> EXT. BANK - DAY - INSERT
>
> We hold on the building's staid looking sign...as we
> gradually hear a high-pitched whine.
CROW: Hey, that rhymes!
> NEW ANGLE - STOCK
>
> as K.A.R.R. roars into view, smashes through the wall of
> the bank.
MIKE: "Hey, Kool-Aid!"
TOM: "OH YEAH!"
CROW: It's the Knight Organization Operational Lightweight Action--
MIKE: Knock it off.
CROW: That begins with a K too! The Knight Night--
[Mike smacks him. Hard.]
> ALARMS RINGING - STOCK
>
> TONY AND REV
>
> in their warehouse hideout, happily counting money.
TOM: [Transylvanian accent] "ONE hundred dollars! Ha ha ha -- TWO
hundred dollars!"
> EXT. COIN SHOP - DAY - INSERT
>
> with signs advertising "We Buy and Sell Gold", etc.
MIKE: "We Buy and Sell Gold" -- "We Rip Off Little Kids" -- "We shave
legs off of Buffalo quarters like the kid on 'Silver Spoons.'"
> We hear that familiar sound again....
>
> K.A.R.R. - STOCK
TOM: "It's the sound of STOCK K.A.R.R. racing at the
SPECTRUM!spectrum!(spectrum!)..."
> Camera adjusts as K.A.R.R. careens around the corner, wipes
> out the wall of the store.
CROW: Karr takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
> MORE ALARMS - STOCK
>
> TONY AND REV
>
> Playing with coins like Uncle Scrooge.
MIKE: And stupidly hurting themselves in the process.
TOM: [as Rev] "But when Uncle Scrooge does it he just dives right
through them!"
> EXT. BROKERAGE FIRM - DAY - INSERT
>
> A sign proclaims, "Member N.Y. Stock Exchange".
>
> K.A.R.R. - STOCK
>
> Roar...zoom...wham!
TOM: "Biff...sock...pow!"
> K.A.R.R. is bullish on the stock
> market!
CROW: [deadpan] Ha. That's funny.
MIKE: Pity the television viewers won't get to see that.
> CUT TO
>
> EXT. FOUNDATION - DAY - TO ESTABLISH
>
> DEVON'S VOICE
TOM: Not Devon -- just his voice.
> Again and again they've struck....
>
> INT. DEVON'S OFFICE - DAY
>
> Devon and Michael and Bonnie are looking at a map on Devon's
> desk. X's mark K.A.R.R.'s rampages.
>
> DEVON
> The fact that no one has been hurt
> is either a miracle or a coincidence
> ...We cannot assume a continuance of
> either.
MIKE: [as Michael] "All right, Devon. Kitt's not around. You can
quit using all the 50-cent words."
> MICHAEL
> So what do we do?
CROW: [as Devon] "We catch the next flight to Borneo."
> Devon and Bonnie exchange a look.
CROW: [as Devon] "Here, I don't like my look. Can I have yours?"
TOM: [as Bonnie] "Oh, sure. I'm not using it right now."
> Devon turns to Michael.
>
> DEVON
> There is one approach, Michael...but
> there is a great deal of danger
> involved...to you and to Kitt.
>
> MICHAEL
> Go on.
MIKE: [as Michael] "Pull the other one."
> BONNIE
> We all know that Kitt...and Karr...
> are made of a virtually indestructible
> alloy...Hardly anything could damage
> either car. Hardly anything...except
> this.
CROW: A valet parking attendant!
> Bonnie takes a tarpaulin off of an object on a workbench.
> It's a maze of coils and tubing the size of a typewriter.
MIKE: Or whatever that is.
TOM: [singing] "All my tubes and wires and careful notes!"
> MICHAEL
> Looks like a neon barber pole.
CROW: And you look like a moron.
> BONNIE
> It's a resonating laser, Michael...
> powerful enough to send a burst of
> energy directly into Karr's only
> vulnerable spot....
>
> She points to a sketch of K.A.R.R.
TOM: [as Bonnie] "His _picture!_"
> BONNIE
> ...the front scanner...here.
>
> DEVON
> As the scanner is protected by an
> alloy grill, only a dead-on shot
> will work...and then the scanner
> will blow...and with it,
MIKE: [as Devon] "Baby, cradle and all."
> all of
> Karr's systems. It will become an
> immobile hunk of metal. Bonnie?
>
> Bonnie takes Devon's cue,
TOM: And banks the eight ball off the twelve and into the corner
pocket, winning the game.
CROW: [as Devon] "Damn and blast!"
> adjusts a "target"
TOM: They _call_ it a "target," and I guess anything you aim at is
technically a target, but it would more appropriately be called
a "puppy dog."
> in a vise-like
> holder, steps back, activates the laser. Zap! The target
> smolders, sparks.
MIKE: Lights the drapes on fire.
TOM: Safety is not the number one concern at Knight Industries.
> MICHAEL
> Very impressive. What about anyone
> inside the car?
CROW: [as Devon] "Oh, they're toast."
> DEVON
> They'll come to a rather jolting halt,
> but other than that, they shouldn't be
> harmed.
>
> MICHAEL
> Okay. It sounds doable...so why the
> long faces?
TOM: [as Devon] "We're overdue for some plastic surgery."
> DEVON
> Michael, to perform this task, you
> and Kitt must be directly in front
> of Karr. For maximum effect, you
> must fire the laser from a distance
> of no more than 100 yards. And you
> must hold the last on target for
> two full seconds.
>
> FAVORING MICHAEL
>
> as awareness dawns.
MIKE: For possibly the first time ever.
CROW: Evolution in action!
> MICHAEL
> (slowly)
MIKE: [as Michael] "Ooooooooooonnneeee huuuuuuuunnnnddrrrr...."
> One hundred yards? Two seconds?
> But Kitt...and Karr...can travel 100
> yards...
> (thinking)
> ...in...about two seconds!
TOM: So, after one second, they'll collide.
CROW: Works for me.
> DEVON
> (dryly)
> That's basically the problem. And
> by the way...the laser is only good
> for one shot.
TOM: [as Bonnie] "So we'll have to start building another one right
away."
> MICHAEL
> (beat)
> I...think I'm going to sit down for
> a while.
MIKE: [as Michael] "Then I might go for a walk. After that -- ice
dancing!"
> CUT TO
>
> EXT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE - NIGHT
>
> Boarded up, painted with graffiti. A beat. K.A.R.R. turns
> the corner, pulls up. The Rev gets out, opens the
> warehouse door. K.A.R.R. drives inside. The Rev locks up
> from the inside.
CROW: They lock their door from the inside? How novel!
> INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT - TIGHT ON A TABLE
MIKE: "Tight on a Table?"
TOM: The titles of these Harlequin Romances are getting more and more
explicit.
> as a bag of stocks, gold and money is poured down on it.
> We widen as Tony and the Rev literally wallow in it.
TOM: Don't say wallow.
MIKE: Especially not literally.
> TONY
> Welcome to easy street!
>
> REV
> Easy street? It's automobile
> heaven, right, Karr?
>
> NEW ANGLE
>
> revealing that K.A.R.R. is parked nearby, just on the other
> side of a partition between the office and the warehouse
> proper.
CROW: Karr gets the warehouse all to himself.
TOM: It's only proper. He is the brains of the operation.
> K.A.R.R.
> I am unfamiliar with your reference,
> Rev. However, there is no cause for
> celebration. We have a problem.
>
> Tony and the Rev sober, move to the car.
MIKE: The Rev took a twelve step program during the montage.
> TONY
> A problem? Like...what problem?
TOM: [as Karr] "I don't believe in automobile heaven."
> K.A.R.R.
> I have analyzed my self-monitors,
> and my Beta and Lambda circuits are
> in need of realignment.
CROW: [as Karr] "In addition, my Omega-Mu circuits are all flapdoodle
on the jim-jam."
> Also, the
> fibre optics in my scanners have
> suffered a twenty percent reduction
> in opacity...
MIKE: [as Karr] "Resulting in a clearer signal, which just won't do."
> probably due to my long
> incarceration.
TOM: No, it's probably due to the fact that you keep driving into
walls and stuff.
> REV
> Whattya want, a tune-up or something?
>
> K.A.R.R.
> Hardly. I require attention from an
> experienced cybernetic technician.
>
> TONY
> Cyber...?
MIKE: [as Tony] "Has that word even been invented yet?"
> Where do we find one of them?
>
> K.A.R.R.
> We have seen a car similar to myself
> ...since I am the prototype, it is
> most likely an inferior production
> line copy.
CROW: Damn, someone's a little elitist, isn't he?
> However, someone must
> own it and therefore, maintain it.
TOM: Unless of course they don't.
CROW: [as Kitt] "Michael, could you clean those bird droppings off my
roof?"
MIKE: [as Michael] "Bite me, Kitt."
> By following this line of reasoning,
> we can locate the individual who
> cares for that other vehicle.
MIKE: Thanks for the logic lesson, Karr. Now can you state that in
the form of a syllogism?
> TONY
> Sure, sure. I was just gonna say
> that.
CROW: [as Karr] "Learn your lines, Tony. I can't feed them all to
you."
> K.A.R.R.
> Then you can get that person and
> bring them here.
>
> REV
> We can't do that!
MIKE: [as Rev] "Because a person is singular."
> K.A.R.R.
> Why? Is there a problem?
>
> REV
> Yeah! It's called kidnapping!
>
> K.A.R.R.
> I am unfamiliar with that term. I
> only know that I require skilled
> maintenance.
TOM: [as Karr] "And I doubt a sleeping child would be able to do the
job right."
> Tony takes the Rev by the arm, leads him away.
>
> TONY
> You're gettin' a conscience kinda
> late in the game, you know that?
>
> REV
> Tony, I know I'm no saint...but
> nothing we've done has hurt anybody
CROW: [as Tony] "That's because we haven't tried hard enough."
> ...but we're talking about just
> grabbing somebody and....
MIKE: [as Rev] "Making them perform auto repair! They might get a cut
or something."
> TONY
> Okay, okay...relax...we won't do it.
TOM: [as Tony] "When we want to sock it to it."
> REV
> We won't? But Karr ---
>
> TONY
> Leave it to me. It talks good but
> it's about as smart as a toaster.
TOM: Hey, I've known some pretty smart toasters in my day.
> I'll buy him some spark plugs and
> he'll be happy. Then, when he's in
> tip-top shape,
MIKE: [as Tony] "We'll finally get one of those Tip Top Tent things."
> we pull one big job
> ...and then it's flyin' down to Rio
> for you-o and me-o...
CROW: [as Tony] "We'll be dancin' on the sand-o!"
> (slapping
> his shoulder)
> Whattya say?
MIKE: [as Rev] "I say ow. Not so hard."
> REV
> Okay. Okay. I like that.
>
> TONY
> Okay. You get some rest. I'll break
> the news to motor mouth.
TOM: [deadpan] Ha ha.
CROW: [deadpan] 'Cause, see, he has a motor...and...yeah.
> Rev moves further into the office part of the warehouse.
> Tony goes over to K.A.R.R.
>
> TONY
> Okay, Karr, you want a technician...
> I'll get you a technician.
TOM: [as Tony] "I'll get you such a technician!"
> CUT TO
>
> INT. DEVON'S OFFICE - DAY
>
> Devon is showing Michael some blueprints.
MIKE: [as Michael] "He lives inside this piece of paper?"
> DEVON
> Once the laser is calibrated,
> Michael, either you or Kitt will be
> able to fire it...The triggering
> mechanism is simple, as you can
> see....
CROW: [as Devon] "Otherwise you wouldn't be able to do jack dinky with
it."
> MICHAEL
> Devon, I don't know what bothers me
> more...the fact that this is a long
> shot...or the fact that I'm stupid
> enough to try it.
MIKE: And I don't know which surprises me less.
> Devon smiles. Suddenly alarms begin ringing.
TOM: Oh, my God. Devon's face alarm has gone off!
> MICHAEL
> That's the security system!
>
> Devon picks up the phone.
TOM: [as Devon] "Get me my plastic surgeon, stat! I have a face
emergency!"
> DEVON
> (surprised)
> Dead...!
>
> He starts hitting the phone buttons, frustrated.
CROW: [as Devon] "Usually, if you punch them hard enough, it starts
working again."
> Michael activates his wrist comlink.
>
> MICHAEL
> (into comlink)
> Kitt, where are you?
MIKE: [Scooby Doo] "Rover here!"
> EXT. TIGHT ON K.I.T.T. - IN PARKING SPACE - DAY
>
> Behind a sign, "Reserved for Michael Knight."
>
> K.I.T.T.
> I'm in your parking space,
> Michael...Where else would I be?
CROW: [as Kitt] "Dork."
> MICHAEL
> Pick me up at the main building.
> Something's going on.
>
> K.I.T.T.
> Very well.
TOM: [as Kitt] "Your wish is my freaking command."
> K.I.T.T. backs out of the space, drives off.
MIKE: ...The studio lot, never to be seen again.
TOM: [as Kitt] "So long, suckers!"
> INT. DEVON'S OFFICE
>
> The phone lights return. Before Devon can dial, it rings.
>
> DEVON
> What the devil's going on?
MIKE: [as Michael] "It seems to me like the phone's ringing, but
you're the genius."
> PHONE VOICE
> We tried to stop it, Mr. Miles...but
> it ran the main gate....
MIKE: [as Michael] "Whoa, you didn't even pick it up! What _is_ going
on?!"
> DEVON
> What ran the main gate?
TOM: [as Phone Voice] "A rogue elephant with a red light on the
front! It was really weird!"
> PHONE VOICE
> The car, Mr. Miles...the car...!
CROW: "Sing it."
TOM: [in a high-pitched voice] "The caa...the ca..."
CROW: "Plenty of time."
> Devon and Michael exchange a look, run out of the office.
>
> INT. SEMI - DAY
>
> Bonnie is working on the laser. She looks up, hearing the
> sound of the security alarms. Picks up the phone.
MIKE: Orders a pizza.
> BONNIE
> Security? This is Doctor Barstow.
> What's happening with the alarm system?
TOM: [as Bonnie] "Should I be alarmed or what?"
> Behind Bonnie, the door creaks open. Who should be there
> but Tony.
CROW: I don't know. Who?
> He grabs Bonnie from behind,
TOM: Bonnie's got back.
> drags her out of
> the semi. The phone dangles, swings back and forth.
MIKE: Which would be poignant if she were on the phone with somebody
we cared about.
> EXT. FOUNDATION - MAIN BUILDING
>
> Devon and Michael run down the steps, come out the door.
>
> MICHAEL
> (into comlink)
> Kitt! Come on!
MIKE: [as Michael] "If I don't get that video back to the store on
time I'll get charged a late fee!"
> DEVON
> There he is --- !
>
> They look off at ---
TOM: A row of three dashes?
> APPROACHING CAR - ZOOM SHOT
>
> Black...a red scanning light on the hood...
MIKE: Somewhere a child cries itself to sleep...
> but in the front
> seat, Tony, struggles to restrain Bonnie!
CROW: [as Bonnie] "I'll never marry you, never!"
TOM: Will Dudley Do-Right make it to the scene in time?
> BACK TO SCENE
>
> MICHAEL
> That's not Kitt!
>
> The car roars past. Michael leaps onto the roof, is swept
> out of the shot.
MIKE: Took some tips from T.J. Hooker, I guess.
TOM: [gruff] "Hooker's a good cop!"
> INT. K.A.R.R.
>
> Tony struggles with Bonnie while he tries to see.
CROW: [as Tony] "Down in front! This is the good part!"
> TONY
> Karr! Get rid of this guy!
>
> K.A.R.R.
> Very well.
MIKE: [as Tony] "No, I want you to do it poorly."
> INSERT - PANEL
>
> As it changes to "AUTO CRUISE."
>
> EXT. FOUNDATION
>
> K.I.T.T. roars up to Devon.
CROW: [as Kitt] "Grr! I'm a lion today!"
> DEVON
> (pointing)
> Kitt! Karr was here!
TOM: And Kilroy can't be far behind!
CROW: The Knight Intelligent Lubricated Robotic Ontological...
Yyyy...
MIKE: Time's up. I was going to let you have that one.
TOM: But he's not a robot that has emotions! He's not what you see!
> It's got
> Bonnie and Michael!
CROW: [as Devon] "Can you run along and make sure he keeps them?"
> K.I.T.T. roars off in the direction indicated.
>
> EXT. OUTSIDE FOUNDATION GROUNDS - DAY
>
> K.A.R.R. swerves into the shot,
TOM: Killing an entire camera crew.
> accelerates.
>
> K.A.R.R.'S SPEEDOMETER
>
> rising alarmingly.
MIKE: Audience members wonder openly, will the speedometer break? How
will Karr know how fast he's driving?
> MICHAEL - ON ROOF
>
> Sliding up and over the roof...hanging on for dear life...
CROW: I don't consider his life to be that dear.
> one of his hands slip....
ALL: Yay!
> EXT. ROAD - DAY
>
> K.A.R.R. swerves wildly at breakneck speed, trying to
> dislodge Michael. The car swerves close to some bushes.
> (or crashes a fence - director and location permitting)
TOM: Oh, no. You never leave stuff like that up to the director.
> MICHAEL
>
> ducking to avoid being swept overboard.
CROW: What, is he on a boat all of a sudden?
> He hits the wrist comlink.
>
> K.I.T.T.
>
> Swinging into the location where we saw K.A.R.R. in shot
> 93F1.
TOM: Rockin' hits!
CROW: Turn your crank to Frank.
> EXT./INT. K.A.R.R. - DAY - TRAVELING
>
> Michael has now slipped onto the back of the car.
>
> BONNIE
> Stop! You'll kill him!
TOM: [as Karr] "That's kind of the idea."
> Tony starts to bind her hands with his belt as the car
> continues its wild gyrations.
CROW: Karr would really clean up on "Dance Fever."
> ON MICHAEL
>
> In pain...losing his grip...then hope rises as he sees....
MIKE: The smile of an innocent child.
> K.I.T.T. - HIS POINT OF VIEW
>
> coming up quickly from behind.
>
> K.I.T.T.
> Michael, I'm getting in position...
> Get ready to jump.
CROW: [as Kitt] "Sucker."
> THE SCENE
>
> Just before he would fall anyway, Michael gathers his legs,
> under him,
TOM: As opposed to the ones above him.
> leaps from the rear of K.A.R.R. onto the hood of
> K.I.T.T. Immediately, K.I.T.T. makes a U-turn,
TOM: Throwing Michael to the ground.
MIKE: [as Michael] "Ouchie!"
> slows.
>
> ON MICHAEL
>
> looking after the escaping car, frustrated.
CROW: Okay, David, hold that frustration. Okay, beautiful!
> FREEZE FRAME
>
> FADE OUT
>
> END OF ACT THREE
[Ka-thunk...2...3...4...5...6...SoL Bridge. Crow is manning a booth
which displays a large glass jar filled with circus peanuts. In the
next booth, Tom is making salt-water taffy. Crow sounds like a
seasoned carnival barker.]
CROW: Step right up, step right up! Guess the number of circus
peanuts in the jar! Just one dollar! Don't be shy, step right
up and guess the number of circus peanuts in the jar!
[Mike walks up to the booths.]
CROW: You, sir! Would you like to guess the number of circus peanuts
in the jar?
MIKE: No.
CROW: Are you sure? It's just one dollar.
MIKE: I'm sure.
CROW: Oh, but sir, if you guess correctly, you win a fabulous prize!
MIKE: No, thanks. I'm just here to buy some of Tom's taffy.
TOM: Uhh, it's not quite ready yet. I still have to pull it.
MIKE: All right, I'll wait.
[Mike waits as Tom starts pulling the taffy. Crow clears his throat.
Mike ignores him.]
CROW: Sir, while you're waiting for your taffy, perhaps you would like
to guess the number of circus peanuts in the jar.
MIKE: As a matter of fact, I would not.
[Tom starts to pull the taffy out of frame. Neither Mike nor Crow
notice.]
CROW: [breaking character] Oh, come on. Why not? After I went to
all the trouble of buying the circus peanuts and the jar. Tom
bought a taffy-making machine and you're patronizing him. The
least you could do is make one measly guess at how many circus
peanuts I have here.
MIKE: Oh, all right. It's just a dollar?
CROW: One dollar a guess, that's right.
[Mike takes out a dollar and puts it on the counter. Crow immediately
snatches it up and puts it under the counter.]
MIKE: By the way, what's the fabulous prize?
CROW: The what?
[The taffy is getting quite taut. We can hear Tom starting to
struggle with it.]
MIKE: You said if I guessed correctly, I would win a fabulous prize.
CROW: Oh, right. Yes, you do.
MIKE: So what do I win for guessing the number of circus peanuts in
this jar?
CROW: Umm... A jar full of circus peanuts?
MIKE: Crow, do you even know what circus peanuts taste like?
CROW: No, what?
MIKE: Well they're sort of like bubble gum, and sort of like the ichor
of hell.
CROW: I see. And what, you don't like bubble gum?
[Mike thinks for a moment and then promptly exits.]
CROW: Wait! You forgot to take your guess! Oh, well. At least I got
his dollar -- and that's what the carnival is all about. Right,
Tom? [looks around] Tom? [looks at the taffy, which is
stretched to the breaking point] Tom, what are you--
TOM: [out of frame] Uh oh.
[But instead of breaking, the taffy suddenly contracts, hurtling Tom
in the direction of Crow's booth.]
TOM: MOMMYYYYY!
[The lights flash. Crow screams.]
CROW: AHHHHHH!
[Planet logo, with the sound of a horrendous crash over it.]
Discount inkjet cartridges -- in your pants!