The MiSTing Authors' Own Fanfics Reviewed (4/4)
Tjats
SERVO: Thank you for reading our special. We're sure you completely wasted a
whole
hour reading all this sensless dribble.
MIKE: But before we go, we'd like to riff one last story. It's chapter one of
Jim Whaley's "Star Speck II: The Naked Wow."
CROW: Hey, he made two of them?
MIKE: Says here he almost wrote a third.
SERVO: Yikes.
MIKE: Let's read.
[shadowrama]
>Star Speck II: The Naked Wow
CROW: Wow! He saw me naked!
>Chapter One
>
> "Hey, hey, hey!
MIKE: It's Fat Albert!
>What kind of drink is this?!"
SERVO: It's a new beverage called SURGE!
> "It's xerdon, captain. I heard it's
CROW: ...a kind of car wax.
>really good," came Finan's answer.
MIKE: Finan?
SERVO: I'll bet every single character is named some stupid word that rhymes.
> Captain Jean-Stoop Pickard looked at Finan, looked at his drink, then back
at
>Finan.
SERVO: You see? I was right.
>"Well, I guess I'll try it."
> "Now that's a good...er...old man," said Finan.
CROW: If she wasn't already a barmaid she'd have been demoted to one after
that.
>Then, without hesitation, she said "Gotta go," and left.
> "Harumph. 'old man' am I?
MIKE: Look, face it. You're bald, but that's not necesarily a bad thing.
>Well, I'll show-"
> The captain was interupted by a burst of voices. The voices only said one
>word, repeating and repeating.
SERVO: Much like this sentence.
> "WOW!"
MIKE: These potato chips have less the fat that the normal ones!
> "What the-?" Captain Pickard said.
CROW: So basicly stick a K in there and it's a parody name?
> "WOW, WOW, WOW!" the people kept yelling.
> "Bridge, do you hear what's going on here?" Captain Pickard asked.
SERVO[Riker]: Yes, and we've got a ticket for disturbing the peace.
> "Yes, captain," said Comander Whilliam Riper, a remarkably tall, bearded
man.
MIKE: So the scene just shifted to the other end of the line?
SERVO: Again, stick a few silend letters in and you get a completely different
name.
>"We have the same situation all over the ship, unfortunately."
> "Well, do someth-"
> "Captain? Are you okay?"
CROW: Yeah, I just forgot how to talk. Hang on a minute...
> "WOW!"
MIKE: These potato chips really are good!
> "Captain?"
> "WOW!"
> "Uh, okay, captain. Riper out."
> "WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!" the captain kept yelling.
SERVO[Pickard]: I stubbed my toe!
>
> "I on't know what's wrong with him," Doctor Heavenly Blusher said. The
doctor
>had only been on board the ship for a month after Doctor Hate Plaqueski was
>transfered to the U.S.S. Elf after serving one year on the Centerpice.
CROW: Still, the starship names are more entertaining than Ratliff's.
>"What did you say happened?"
MIKE: But I thought the doctors were the ones who figured that out.
> "We were talking over the comuneicators when 'WOW' was heard over the
speakers.
SERVO: Oh, jeez. Even the objects are named something "funny".
>I rushed to Ten-Backward to see what was going on, and Captein Pickard was
>yelling pretty darn loud,"
CROW: Shouting, even.
>comm=ander Riper explained. "I brought him and several others here for a
>check-up."
SERVO: And look, that's just a pretty stupid parody name for Checkov.
MIKE: Calm down, Servo.
> "I see," said Blusher. "How many others?"
MIKE[Riper]: I brought a bunch of his colege buddies to cheer him up.
SERVO AND CROW: Whooo! Hey, pass the beer!
> "Oh, just a couple dozzen."
> Blusher looked at Spiker with a look that could kill.
SERVO: Wasn't it Riper a minute ago?
MIKE: It's the name game!
CROW: Duck duck, banana banna bo buck, fanana fanna fo-
[Mike calmly hits Crow]
> "Well, wait...mabee a couple, couple dozzen. Yeah, that's it."
> "FOUR DOZZEN?!" Doctor Blusher roared.
SERVO: It's not like you don't have a complete medical staff or anything!
> "Okay, g'bye." Spiker left.
CROW[Spiker/Riper]: I gotta go change my name on the Starfleet form.
> "Grrr...," Doc. B. growled.
MIKE: Hey, Q turned her back into a spaniel. Remember that one episode?
[Lyle cam]
CROW: Well, we'd like to do more but we're out of time and money and disk
space.
SERVO: So until next time, MiSTies!
MIKE: And we've got a brand new split screen for you to enjoy! Bye, bye!
[love theme turned down a bit so we can bring you the following announcement]
WARNING! THE FOLLOWING NOT FORMATED FOR USENET
-------------------------------------------
NEXT TIME ON I written by: Jim Whaley
SCIENCE FICTION THEATER 1,000,000,000! I "Brain Trek: Worst Contact" by:
SEASON PRIMERE! I Kevin Rudolph and Matt Nelson
I "My Gift to You" by:
> TITLE: The Starship Captain That Neelix I Rob C. Bungie
>Claus Forgot I "Sailor Deathmatch" by:
I Skyrocket
--- I "Star Speck II: The Naked Wow"
by:
I Jim Whaley
> "I apologise in advance Chakotay." I
> I featuring:
I mike nelson: Michael J. Nelson
ALL: We'll never forgive you. I crow: Bill Corbett
I tom servo: Kevin Murphy
--- I
I all characters potrayed in this
> She had to I production are trademarks of
their
> say she agreed, even though the Christmas I respective companies.
>tree was beautiful. I
> I no insults are intended to
anyone
I anywhere
CROW: And it contained all twenty-seven I
Hallmark Star Trek ornaments. I based upon MST3K created by Joel
Hodgson
I
--- I thanks to:
I all MiSTing authors worldwide
>Tearing the paper from around the present, I Best Brains, Inc.
>Neelix soon discovered I all you people who love
to laugh
>that he had been given a pair of plastic I
>safety goggles. I comments can be sent to
I tj...@aol.com
CROW: Why? In case he needs to wield I
celery? I c1999 by Jim Whaley
I
--- I This was a Mystery Usenet
Theater 3000
I production.
plus: NEW THEME SONG I
NEW PLOT LINE I
BUT THE SAME GREAT TASTE!
--------------------------------------------
episode 301: The Neelix Claus part three: The Starship Captain that Neelix
Claus Forgot
SEASON PRIMERE!
NEXT TIME ON SCIENCE FICTION THEATER 1,000,000,000!
Jim, that Mistie
(#90212)
"Darling, why should I be worried? The only time I ever felt badly was when I
felt like a whore in Milan and that only lasted seven minutes and besides it
was the room furnishings." -Catherine "A Farewell to Arms"