(MiSTed) The Revenge of Bloodstone

[TVsGrady]

(Mike, Tom and Crow stand around on the bridge holding beers and dressed up
like Hank Hill, Boomhauer
and Dale, respectively.)
MIKE(Hank): Last night Luann came home from the Mega-Lo-Mart with a big ol'
thing o' hairstylin'
crap that cost $20! She said it cost that much 'cause it was "cruelty-free"!
CROW: You know why it says that? The Illuminati don't want you to know they
test it on them
aliens down at Area 51!
TOM: I tell what, that dang ol' Illuminati...(drifts off into incoherence)
CROW(Khan): HAAAANK! What Khan, Jr. doin' with your boy?
TOM(Bobby): Hey Dad, what's he saying about me?
MIKE: Dale, Boomhauer, what the hell...(regular voice) Why are you guys
suddenly switching
characters?
CROW: Come on, Mike! You let us do this all the time when we play D&D!
GYPSY: The Three Lights are calling!
PEARL: Hi Mike, Tom, Art...This week at Castle Forrester we're hosting our
first annual
Star Trek convention!
BOBO: Nice fanfic you got here...Hey, here's some gay Kirk and Spock porn!
M & TB: NOOOOOO!!!
CROW: Not that there's anything wrong with that...
MIKE: Shut up!
PEARL: You know, if you react THAT way...Bobo! Let me see that!
(PEARL snatches the story out of Bobo's hands, reads it, and starts to look
sick.)
PEARL: Excuse me...I have to go to the little girl's room...
OBSERVER: Let's see...Maybe we should start you off on something lighter. I've
got a lovely story
here called "The Revnge of Bloodstone"! It's a Star Wars/Transformers
crossover!
CROW: WE GOT CROSSOVER SIGN!!!
(6...5...4...3...2...)

>The Revenge of Bloodstone
By Star Ruby

MIKE: o/~Goodbye, Star Ruby Tuesday...o/~

>Recently, Bloodstone assassinated MegatroniaOne

TOM: That sounds like a mortgage company.

>in an attempt to murder Megster,
Megatron’s heir. Bloodstone got banished by Megatron for murdering his daughter

MegatroniaOne. Bloodstone vowed to get even with Megatron for this outrage.

CROW: Previously, on "X-Men"...

>"Megatron shall pay for kicking me off his team.

MIKE: Bobby Knight, Decepticon.

>It is all MegatroniaOne’s fault
that I am in this mess." Bloodstone fumes very silently. She suddenly remembers

that she is a Dark Jedi Warrior.

TOM: Hey all you Dark Jedi Warriors, come out and plaaaa-aaaaay!

>She got taught by an evil Jedi Master named
Darkshadow.

(Crow hums the "Dark Shadows" theme)

>He taught Bloodstone because the dark side of the force flowed
strongly in her. She murdered him in cold blood when her use for him was over.
I am busy reading Megster a bedtime story. Deathangel is with me. She loves
Megster as much as I do. The little Decepticon fall asleep halfway through a
story. Deathangel and I look at each other and grin because Megster is cute
when
he is asleep.

MIKE: Aww, wook at the cute widdle Decepticon!

>We leave his nursery. Deathangel notices me very quiet.

CROW: Me fail English? That's unpossible!

>She is no mind reader
but she can tell that something is bothering me.
"Ruby, what is wrong?"

TOM(Ruby): We're in a contrived crossover.

>I look up at Deathangel and sigh. "DA,

TOM: District attorney?
CROW: Duck's ass?

>Bloodstone is a
very vengeful female Decepticon. I am positive that she is planning to get even

with Meggy for banishing her. My sister is not to be taken lightly. She is a
Jedi warrior that is possessed with the dark side of the Force. I know
Bloodstone is fierce when she is upset or angry. She is very vengeful and that
worries me. I worry about what she will do to us."

MIKE: So maybe you shouldn't dump pig's blood on her.

>Deathangel smiles at me. "Ruby, I am tough. I am not afraid to face your
sister
in combat." I have to admire my friends spunk. We go out for an evening flight.

Razormoon joins us.

CROW: I am Razor Moon, the champion of contrived fan fiction! In the name of
Ratliff, I will
force you to read "The Revenge of Bloodstone"!

>"Star Ruby, I spotted Bloodstone a few miles away. She is using unusual powers

to lift things. She uses her light sabre to destroy the items she lifts. She
destroyed an innocent Decepticon

(M & TB laugh)
MIKE: Insert sarcastic comment here.

>seeker male

TOM: That's what you get for placing a personal ad.

>with her light sabre. The laughter
I heard from her was very cold and evil. It gave me shudders in my audios. I
will never forget that insane laugh of hers." I groan because my sixth sense
was
right. Bloodstone has finally gone off the deep end.
I order my friends to return to base. They obey me because I am their
commander.
I return to base with them. We go to my meeting room.

CROW: What's with all the sudden innuendo?

>"Razormoon is there a way you can travel throught time to stop Bloodstone from

meeting Darkshadow? My sister was fine until he warped her mind with his evil
teachings.
Bloodstone used to be nice like us until she met him."

MIKE: Yup, those Decepticons sure are nice.

>"Star Ruby, I cannot alter time that is very dangerous. I refuse to do it
because that could jeopardize your future not to mention the present." I glare
at Razormoon for being so stubborn. "Razormoon go find StarScream and make sure

he is alright."
Razormoon salutes
me and leaves the meeting.
I continue the meeting. A few minutes later the Decepticon intruder alert goes
off. I groan because Bloodstone has arrived at the base. I witness

TOM:..Jehovah.

>on the
monitor what she is doing to her fellow Decepticons. I nearly faint due to all
of the bloodshed going on.

CROW: Blood?! These are ROBOTS, for God's sake!

>I notice that Bloodstone is heading to Megatron’s
throne room. That makes my fuel pump go cold.

TOM(Megatron): Ugh...I had too much Olean...

>I try to radio Megatron but something has jammed the frequency. I rush to the
throne room and tackle my sister. Bloodstone cackles at me before slicing my
wing off.

MIKE: How Freudian.

>I scream from the pain and blackout. Megatron fires his fusion cannon
at Bloodstone. His optics widen in horror because Bloodstone is not hurt by the

blast.
Bloodstone attacks Megatron.

CROW: What a vivid description!

>He is ready for her. Megatron surprises Bloodstone
with his ignited light sabre. The warriors

CROW:..are framed for shooting Cyrus and try to get back to Coney Island.

>have a long duel. Bloodstone manages
to disarm Megatron.
She slashes at him with her light sabre. Megatron screams because her weapon is

actually destroying his protective armor. Bloodstone cuts Megatron’s cannon arm

off. Bloodstone turns her light sabre off and decides to kick her ex-commander.

She uses a roundhouse kick.

TOM: Tom Servo reads this lame fanfic and decides to vomit. He uses milk of
magnesia.

>Megatron collapses due to fuel loss and injury.
"Megatron I am taking over as the new Decepticon leader." Megatron glares at
Bloodstone because she is usurping him again. "Over my dead body you will.",
snarls Megatron. "That can be arranged." Bloodstone resumes her attack on
Megatron.
I cry because my sister is killing Megatron very slowly.

MIKE: o/~Killing me softly...o/~

>I wonder how much abuse
my mate can actually handle.
Deathangel arrives at the scene. She stops Bloodstone’s savage attack on
Megatron.

CROW: Get Megatron to the OR, stat!

>I limp up to my mate and help him, while the ladies battle. I want to
carry Megatron but he is too heavy for me to lift in my weakened state.
Razormoon shows up, she is horrified by Megatron’s present state. I weep
because
Megatron dies in my arms. Razormoon quickly leaves the area because she has
something important to do. Razormoon finds Megatron’s time machine.

MIKE: Help me...help me...

>She repairs
it so she can go to the past. She will try to prevent Bloodstone from meeting
Darkshadow.
Razormoon sets the coordinates to the year I mentioned.

TOM: Which will remain nameless.

>She hopes that the time
machine still works. The time machine hums to life

TOM(Nena): o/~The war machine springs to life...o/~

>and transports Razormoon to
the past.
Razormoon steps out into the open. She grins because the planet is not ravaged
by the war.
Razormoon spots a younger version of Bloodstone. Bloodstone is very attractive
looking. She looks nothing like her future self. Bloodstone is alone and she is

upset.
Razormoon befriends Bloodstone.

CROW: EWWWW!!!!
MIKE: Pervert,

>"Hello, my name is Razormoon.

TOM:..and I'm an alcoholic.
MIKE & CROW: Hi Razormoon!

>What is your name?" My sister looks at Razormoon
surprised. "My name is Bloodstone. You are new in this area, I have never seen
you before."
Razormoon grins at Bloodstone because this Decepticon is friendly and innocent.

MIKE: Nice characteriztion...

>She finds it hard to believe that this young Decepticon is destined to be
cruel
and mean.
"Why are you upset Bloodstone?" Bloodstone sighs and looks at Razormoon. "My
boyfriend Orian Pax,

TOM: Autobot/Decepticon dating. On the next Ricki Lake!

>broke up with me to go out with another woman named
Aerial."

CROW: Poor little thing, named after an antenna...

>Razormoon gasps because she knows those two are destined to become Optimus
Prime
and AlitaOne.
"Bloodstone there are many males in the sea. You will find Mr. Right sooner or
later."
Bloodstone grins at Razormoon because her new friend speaks the truth. "Do not
listen to her Bloodstone, she is lying to you."
Razormoon realises that they are not alone. "Who are you?", Razormoon asks.
"None of your business Razormoon. Do not interfere with Bloodstone’s destiny."
Razormoon realises that this Transformer is evil she can feel the negative
energy coming from him. Razormoon makes the connection that this is Darkshadow
the evil Jedi Master.

TOM: As opposed to Darkshadow the Clown.

>Razormoon uses a weapon on the unwanted guest.

CROW: What kind of weapon?
MIKE: Make it stop...make it stop...

>Darkshadow laughs because he is

MIKE:...really, really high.

>invinsible. Razormoon throws Darkshadow into a black hole it sends him to
another time and place.

TOM: As long as that's not here and now, I'm cool with it.

>Bloodstone admires Razormoon for defeating her master.
The youth smiles at Razormoon. "Thank you for freeing me from his spell."
Razormoon gives Bloodstone a hug before returning to the future.
Razormoon crosses her fingers and programs the machine to take her home.
Razormoon returns to the future. She fly’s

TOM: Be afraid. Be very afraid.

>full speed to Decepticon base.

MIKE: Seconds star to the right and straight on till morning.

>She grins because Bloodstone is being loyal and friendly to Megatron and I.
I look up at my friend. "Hi Razormoon, where were you these last few hours?"
Razormoon replies,"I was taking some time off to travel." Razormoon grins at
me.
Bloodstone is happy to see her friend back. Bloodstone introduces Razormoon to
her new boyfriend, AstroTrain. Razormoon grins because Astro finally has a
girlfriend.

CROW: Oh no, now they've dragged the Jetsons into this!

>Deathangel and Cyclonus are a couple. I still have two children. Razormoon
grins
because the timeline was only altered a little bit for the better. The only
thing changed is Bloodstone.

MIKE: Changing history so villians can live is good, kids!

>THE END

M & TB: YAAAAY!!!

>If you liked "The Revenge of Bloodstone" by Star Ruby, e-mail her.

CROW: Oh, I'll e-mail her all right...

CROW: Attention...attention! I have an announcement to make!
MIKE: What is it, Crow?
CROW: I've just sold my screenplay for a Star Wars prequel...To James Cameron!
TOM: Really?!
CROW: I've got a clip right here!
(The logo appears on screen: DEATH STAR.)
(The Rappin' Granny from "The Wedding Singer stands among the ruins of the
Death Star.)
RAPPIN' GRANNY: The year was...long, long ago. I was set to book passage on the
Death Star...
(Flash back to Dana Plato meeting Darth Vader.)
DANA: Oh Darth, that nude picture you painted of me was so liberating!
VADER: Yes...:snickers::that's th only reason I painted it...
(The Death Star is slowly blown to bits. Vader floats away on an asteroid.)
VADER: Don't say that. I think they underestimate our destructive capacities.
RAPPIN' GRANNY: The thing is, Darth survived...
MIKE: Crow, that was crap!
CROW: But Mike, it only cost $17 billion!
MIKE: I can't believe you'd sink that low...
(Observer stands before a court of fanboys.)
FANBOY: You have sent someone a Star Wars fic, you heathen! We shall duel to
the death!
(Observer and the fanboy Indian-wrestle with "alien" weapons while cheesy fight
music plays on
the soundtrack.)

MiSTed by Joe Green (TV's Grady)
"Mystery Science Theater 3000" is copyright Best Brains, Inc.
"Star Wars" is copyright Lucasfilm, Ltd.
Transfomers are copyright Hasbro
<<I am busy reading Megster a bedtime story. Deathangel is with me. She loves
Megster as much as I do. The little Decepticon fall asleep halfway through a
story. Deathangel and I look at each other and grin because Megster is cute
when
he is asleep.>>