MiSTED: Deathstroke, the Terminator - Annual #3 part 1/2
Jessica Wolfman
MiSTers' Note: Knowledge of this comic or of other Deathstroke comics,
is handy but not really necessary.
[Season 10 theme song. We open up on the SoL. Mike is alone on the
Bridge.]
MIKE: Welcome to the Satellite of Love, where we're just about to kick
off our first annual philosophy night. I'm really excited about the
prospect of discussing weighty issues like the origins of the universe
and the existence of minds.
[Tom and Crow enter.]
CROW: Hey Mike, do you think I'm evil?
MIKE: Well, I-
TOM: Stop beating around the bush and tell the man if you think he's
evil or not.
MIKE: Um, evil is-
CROW: My dictionary says evil is 'having bad natural qualities; bad;
harmful; disagreeable; vicious; corrupt; wicked; calamitous;
unfortunate'. So I guess that means I'm evil, right?
MIKE: Well, that def-
[Lights flash.]
TOM: Oh look, Cher and Don King are on the line.
[Castle Forrester.]
PEARL: Who're you calling Don King, you runt? And you, goldenrod, you
leave the evilness to the expert. For instance, this week, we have a
deliciously evil comic book from the DC Universe.
[SoL.]
TOM: It isn't one of those god TMK Legion issues, is it?
[Castle Forrester.]
BOBO: Ooo, I love those.
[SoL.]
TOM: Shvaugin Erin was a pretty good character. Did you like him too?
[Castle Forrester.]
BOBO: HIM???
PEARL: No, you don't get off that easy. It's one of those Elseworlds
stories where nothing actually makes sense.
[SoL.]
MIKE: How is that different from the rest of the DC Universe?
CROW: He still misses the Claremont X-Men.
[Castle Forrester.]
OBSERVER: Sure they made sense... if you can accept resurrections every
two issues.
[SoL.]
MIKE: Hey! If you don't see the corpse....
[Castle Forrester.]
PEARL: Well, we'll all get a chance to see your corpses after this
comic. It's called Deathstroke Annual #3, and it shows just how great a
range that character can have. He can be really terrible. Brain Guy,
send them the comic!
BOBO: Ooo, can I go too?
[Pearl glares at Bobo. Back to SoL. Mike and the 'bots cringe as they
hear a 'Wham'.]
[Movie Sign lights flash.]
CROW: We have comic sign!
[Typical panic happens and the door sequence begins]
DEATHSTROKE THE TERMINATOR, ANNUAL 3
(It's snowing. Deathstroke is standing in the middle of the
rubble of a ruined city.)
[Mike and 'bots sit down]
TOM (Singing): It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...
Elseworlds. In Elseworlds, heroes are taken from their usual
settings and put into strange times and places-
MIKE: Like Chuck-E-Cheese right at the dinner rush hour.
--some that have existed, or might have existed, and others
that can't, couldn't or shouldn't exist. This is one of
them.
Calm down.
CROW: But I like being frantic!
I'll tell you the _story,_
TOM: 'Bout a man named Jed, a poor mountaineer who barely kept his
family fed-
although I can't believe you would want to hear it again.
ALL: We don't.
Ahh, well. Quiet and listen closely.
They say the _legend_ of _Deathstroke_the_Terminator_
MIKE: A.K.A _Deathstroke_the_Underlined_
began more than _five_hundred_years_ ago, but who alive
today can vouch that is true?
CROW: Dick Clark?
Know only that someone who claims that name may have _saved_
our fragile little world from extinction.
MIKE: Or possibly doomed our big robust world.
CROW: And for all we know, it could have been Batman.
Know that his name is _remembered_ when others, far more
deserving
TOM: And far less underlined...
than he, have sadly been forgot.
But, for good or bad, this is his tale.
CROW: It wags when he's happy.
I call it...
TOM: Monica's story.
JOURNEY'S END
MIKE: But it's too dumb to come when I call it.
Marv Wolfman: Writer
CROW: Down with 'the Man'.
MIKE: Silver bullets... get the silver bullets!
Ed Benes: Penciller
Keri Kowalski: Assistant Editor
Rus Sever, Terry Beatty, Bob Smith: Inkers
TOM (singing): Inkers away...
Rob Simpson: Editor
CROW: D'oh!
Steve Haynie: Letterer
Julianna Ferriter: Colorist
Deathstroke created by Wolfman & Perez
MIKE: A Perez dispenser?
(Deathstroke, with sword and gun in hand, looks up at a
ruined building. He's dressed in his usual costume: bright
blue with orange superhero underwear, belts, bandoleers,
gloves, and wide-cuffed boots. He looks fiftyish, has long
white hair tied in a ponytail, a beard, and only one eye;
his right eye is covered with a borg-like piece of metal.)
TOM: It's Seven of Nine, after the sex change!
(He occasionally wears a full face mask, which is half
orange and half blue. At the moment, his face is uncovered.)
CROW: A brand-new superhero color scheme! No one else is *that* tacky.
How long ago was it now that _The_Genetix_
TOM: That's Jenette Kahn's department.
destroyed our way of life?
CROW: Wasn't that called Crisis on Infinite Earths?
TOM: Only if you live on Earth-Prime.
(Deathstroke runs up some stairs)
Oh, yes. I remember.
MIKE: Then why'd you ask the question?
It was at the end of the _last_century_.
TOM: Back when Bismoil had a decent magnoball team.
We made them to be better than us, and in gratitude, they
_destroyed_ us.
MIKE: Much as we wish to destroy this mag.
TOM: Good thing Pearl got it out of the 25ยข bin.
Or at least _most_ of us.
Deathstroke survived the _Raid_
ALL: Raid!!
_On_Manhattan_South._
(Deathstroke stands in a trashed room. Books and bookcases
are scattered everywhere)
MIKE: Geez! It looks like my Grandmother's house after my cousins have
gone through it.
Four million dead, but he lived. Then again he _always_
lived.
CROW: Much like a roach.
It was like he could never die.
MIKE: Although he deserved to.
TOM: Aargh! He's a Summers!
This tale of Deathstroke began with his raid on the
_Library_of_Congress_.
MIKE: When did the Library of Congress get into Manhattan South?
CROW: But everyone knows about the city expansions of 2498.
TOM: I think he was going after Bob Packwood.
(Deathstroke stands, looking at destroyed computers and
machinery.)
Most of the _paper_ evaporated two hundred years ago.
TOM: Except for the comic books in those nifty mylar bags.
_Tapes_ disintegrated in the acid rains early this century.
CROW: Even my Beatles tapes?
_Computer_chips_ were no longer operable since the magnetic
storms erased all their data.
Historical data existed on _bio-wafers_,
MIKE: With creamy centers
but Deathstroke wasn't searching for information.
MIKE: "I seek the holy Grail."
This was a bloodier _hunt_.
CROW: With more _underlining_.
(Deathstroke, whirling around suddenly, fires his gun
offpanel, to the right.)
Deathstroke: "C'mon out, Genetix!"
(His gun goes "Zwippp.")
TOM: They must have sound effects left over from The Flash.
Deathstroke: "Why the hell are you cowards hiding?"
MIKE (as Genetix): "Your gun is 'zwippp'ing at us."
TOM (as Genetix): "Yeah, we're hiding in the Punisher movie,
where it's safe."
(Shot goes through the wall. Several Genetix are there. One
gets hit and is knocked back.)
Deathstroke: "I can smell you through the walls." [Skreeashhhh!]
MIKE: Don't most guns make consistent noises?
TOM: That's why this book didn't get approved by the Comics Code.
CROW: Well, that and the guy getting his guts blown out on the next
page.
MIKE: Hey, no peeking!
(Genetix leap at Deathstroke from behind the rubble. They
are greenish, orc-like humanoids with borg-like implants -
yes, them, too - and with bad haircuts.)
A Genetix: "We were reelin' you in."
A Genetix: "No place to run now."
(A random sound effect goes "Zwippp.")
A Genetix: "We have you."
(Deathstroke shoots; his gun goes "Skreeeammm.")
MIKE: Wow. They're talking as if they were major villains...
CROW: And not just the evil cannon fodder.
(Deathstroke fights with sword and gun. Several Genetix spit
something green on him.)
ALL: (make spitting sounds)
The Genetix spat _acid_ at him.
TOM: Doing 8D damage.
It burned his _flesh_, but it didn't stop him.
TOM: The book would be over on page three if it did.
MIKE: If only....
(Deathstroke kicks and slashes. He lops the arm off one of
the Genetix.)
TOM: He slices! He dices! He even makes julienne Genetix!
Their heat-flashers
CROW: The ones that work on 57th street?
MIKE: Don't go there.
cut into his arms and legs. That didn't stop him either.
(He continues to fight, and he blows a hole through a
Genetix.)
Legend says Deathstroke could not be killed,
CROW: He was the Dread Pirate Roberts.
but the man had to be in terrible _pain_. Still nothing
stopped him.
TOM: Just like Marv Wolfman -- he was under contract.
He killed a _dozen_ Genetix...
CROW: It's cheaper by the dozen.
MIKE: That's over the limit. He's going to get fined for that.
(Many Genetix surround Deathsroke)
...but _hundreds_ more took their place.
A Genetix: "You can't fight us all, human."
A Genetix: "We're everywhere."
CROW (as Genetix): "We're Amway!"
(Deathstroke continues to fight but is being overwhelmed.)
A Genetix: "We're in your thoughts and your nightmares."
MIKE (as Genetix): "We're the American Gladiators."
A Genetix: "Our deadly spit is in your water."
CROW (as Genetix): "We run the EPA."
(Deathstroke is being buried under the horde of Genetix.)
A Genetix: "Our poison blood is in your food."
CROW (as Heston): "Soylent green is Genetix!"
(Deathstroke has been knocked out, and Genetix are stepping
on his head.)
MIKE (singing): Step on my face, and tell me that you love me...
A Genetix: "And our disease-ridden hate-"
TOM (as Genetix): "Is being distributed by Louis Farakkan."
MIKE: With a bit of good hygiene it could be sparkling fresh hate.
A Genetix: "-it festers"
CROW: Uncle Festers?
Same Genetix (con'd): "in the very air you breathe!"
MIKE: What, we're in New Jersey all of a sudden?
Even Deathstroke could fight them no longer.
TOM: How could he fight all of New Jersey?
CROW: Lots of soap and water?
(Deathstroke is naked)
ALL: Aarghhh!
(save for a conveniently placed piece of metal,)
ALL: Whew!
(in standard comic-book high-tech restraints, and is being
dragged through the snow.)
A Genetix: "Drag him through the streets."
MIKE: But wouldn't that be a hate crime?
Same Genetix (con'd): "Let our brothers have their way with
him."
CROW: But that would be a different kind of hate crime.
A Genetix: "How many of their mothers and fathers have you
slain, Deathstroke?"
TOM (as Deathstroke): "It wasn't me, it was Tommy Monaghan!"
Same Genetix (con'd): "How many of their brothers and
sisters have you murdered?"
MIKE (as Deathstroke): "Um -- self defense?"
(The Genetix are stoning Deathsroke.)
TOM: He who is without sin may cast the first stone.
CROW: Mom, cut it out!
They struck him with everything they could lay their twisted
hands on.
They hated him,
CROW: You really think so?
these Genetix. And their hate would have killed any ordinary
man.
(A Genetix is sawing at Deathstroke's chest with a knife.)
TOM (Minnesota voice): Oh, ya, this cut of Deathstroke is so nice and
tender, don'cha know.
They beat at his face and groin,
MIKE: Ugh, now we know why it's not a Comics Code mag.
smashed his chest and cut into his gut.
TOM: Talk about cheap liposuction.
(Deathstroke, still naked except for another conveniently
placed metal panel, has been crucified, pinioned to a
pillar.)
MIKE: It's the Last Temptation of Deathstroke!
And when they were done, they tacked what was left of him to
the wall of what had been the American _White_House_.
TOM: But that happened to Captain America just last week!
CROW: That happens to Captain America every week.
(A crowd of Genetix are standing in front of Deathstroke.
They're piling wood beneath him.)
ALL: Burn the witch! Burn the witch!
A Genetix: "You've hunted us and killed us. What do you have
to say for yourself, human?"
MIKE (as Deathstroke): "Wasn't it Genetix hunting season?"
TOM: Duck season.
CROW: Rabbit season.
TOM: Duck season.
MIKE: Stop it, you two!
Deathstroke: "Go to hell!"
CROW: Ooo, that's a witty comeback.
(A Genetix fires a gun, or possibly a flame thrower, into
the pile of wood, setting it ablaze. The gun goes "Whoomp!")
TOM: Oh great, now they're stealing sound effects from Archie Comics.
A Genetix: "No! You go to hell!"
CROW: Do you really want to lock Deathstroke up with two women?
MIKE: Huh?
A Genetix: "We don't argue with humans. Destroy him."
MIKE: They've been trying to do that for five pages already.
(Shot of Deathstroke beginning to burn.)
MIKE (singing): Burn, baby, burn! Disco inferno!
They lit the fire beneath him and stepped back to watch.
CROW (sleazy voice): They *like* to watch.
Unlike other humans, Slade didn't break.
TOM: No, he bent like Plastic Man at the Paradise Island swimsuit
competition.
(Close-up of Deathstroke burning.)
He didn't cry.
CROW: He was a big girl now.
He didn't plead with them to _stop_.
MIKE: But he sure pleaded for them to slow down a lot.
Deathstroke: "Do what you want, you monsters. This isn't
over!"
CROW (as Deathstroke): "And I know that because I looked ahead in the
script."
(The Genetix are dancing around the fire.)
They didn't listen.
MIKE: We tried not to either.
They didn't care.
TOM: They're sounding more and more like us.
Perhaps they didn't believe.
CROW: In the power of Our Lord
TOM: They will believe a man can fly, though.
As his flesh _seared_, his mind returned to that time when
the real pain _began_.
CROW: The day he lost his puppy Rover.
TOM: No, it's a flashback within a flashback.
MIKE: It's Tarantino-esque.
(Flashback time. Everything is knocked out in violets and
lavenders. Slade, dressed only in his skivvies, is strapped
to a chair in some military-type office. He has tubes coming
out of his chest. In place of the metal thing over his eye,
he has a standard eye patch.)
The Army told him they were _testing_ a _universal_antidote_
to truth serums. Slade Wilson, already an accomplished
soldier, _volunteered_.
TOM: So did some jerk _named_ Rogers.
(Slade is tossing furniture around.)
But the serum somehow _changed_ him. At first it drove him _
_mad_.
MIKE: It made him wear women's clothing
CROW: And hang around in bars.
(A bunch of MPs get Slade in a headlock and wrestle him to
the ground.)
MIKE: Give him a noogie!
There was _panic._
TOM: She was given her own comic series.
This was the era of _Watergate_. If word had gotten out
about secret Government experiments,
MIKE: Ford would have pardoned a few more crooks.
the Army Doctors knew _heads_ would roll.
TOM: And fail their saving throws.
MIKE: Do government scandals get saving throws?
CROW: Bill Clinton did.
(Slade is lifting very heavy weights. He's still in his
underwear.)
But Slade's madness disappeared
MIKE: In the woods, but its film was recovered one year later.
and was seemingly replaced with _incredible_strength_.
TOM: But was actually Folger's Crystals.
(Slade is doing acrobatic flips to avoid gunfire. The guns
go "Blam! Blam!")
His reflexes were instantaneous.
TOM: And poor.
Thought and action were as _one_.
CROW: Yeah, one gastropod.
MIKE: He's a factor in the Transcendental Order.
(Slade falls down. A scientist-looking woman rushes forward,
looking worried.)
His power kept increasing, almost geometrically so.
MIKE: But he was failing Geometry, so he only increased algebraically.
TOM: They only tested the serum, not him.
But then he suddenly _collapsed..._ with no reason.
Woman: Slade!
MIKE: He could be so unreasonable sometimes.
TOM (as Schwartzeneger): "It's not a tumor!"
(Slade is getting loaded into an ambulance.)
He spent _weeks_ recuperating in a top-secret _hospital_.
MIKE: Because the American public cannot be allowed to know that
hospitals exist.
TOM: He had tea with the Roswell alien.
CROW: He had a kick-ass HMO.
The army wanted their fiasco _hushed_up_ and forgotten.
Several higher-ups thought about _killing_ him.
TOM (sarcastic): But that would be unethical!
MIKE: What, and shooting people into space and forcing them to read
this stuff isn't?
But then Slade seemed to _lose_ his power and return to
_normal_.
MIKE: Whatever that is.
(Slade, finally fully dressed, is walking out of a guarded
building, accompanied with the woman who shouted "Slade!" a
few panels up.)
Eventually he was given a _medical_discharge_.
TOM: Similar to a stool sample.
CROW: Like this mag.
(Now Slade is dressed as Deathstroke, and is kicking and
shooting people who are presumably bad guys, since they
carry guns.)
CROW: But wait. Isn't Slade using a gun?
But his powers hadn't vanished. They _changed_ Slade. Made
him _stronger_, _faster_, _more_agile_.
MIKE: Less able to use pronouns.
TOM: Bizzaro has better grammar than this.
They gave him _recuperative_abilities_.
CROW: Highly unspecified recuperative abilities.
Slade Wilson became _Deathstroke_the_Terminator!_
TOM: He's the best there is at what he does, but what he does isn't
very pretty.
(Shot of Slade standing at a gravesite, looking depressed.)
First his _sons_ died, Grant and Joseph.
MIKE: Too bad they had lived as Gina and Tiffany.
Many years later perhaps his _only_ friend and confidant,
W.R. Wintergreen,
CROW: A sparkling fresh man.
_passed_away_...
No one is certain if his death was natural or the result of
_foul_play_.
CROW: There was this grassy knoll, see...
TOM: And Howard the Duck was spotted nearby with a shotgun.
(Shot of Slade and various others at a funeral, with an old
dead woman in a casket.)
Twenty yeas later, Adeline, Slade's ex-wife, died.
MIKE (as Narrator): "And no one is certain if it was natural of foul
play."
And for many years he was sullen and angry
TOM: Much as he had been for the prior forty years.
(Deathstroke is now in a city, in costume, running from
laser-using guys in armored suits who are riding hovering
disks. Their laser pistols go "Zwipp. Zwipp.")
As the world became _crazier,_ his _missions_
CROW: To the jungles of South America-
became mad vendettas, and by the year 2030 he was _wanted_
by every country in the world.
MIKE: Mostly for loitering.
TOM: In the Vatican, he's wanted for jaywalking.
Slade had a _death_wish_ that forced him into _public_
praying he would be attacked.
CROW: Does that mean he wanted to be attacked while praying in public?
MIKE: Something like that.
CROW: I guess we're dealing with Bizzaro Wolfman again.
(Deathstroke is still running from the "Zwipp"-ing lasers.)
He was already well over _two_hundred_years_ old. And he
wanted to _die!_
TOM: And he used sentence fragments!
MIKE: Why not call Kevorkian?
Janey McCather, his second wife,
TOM: And his first daughter. He's a West Virginian, you know.
was slain on their honeymoon.
CROW: By the Flying Elvises.
MIKE While on Her Majesty's Secret Service.
(Now a large tank is bearing down, going "Braroooom!")
His third wife...
CROW: Was a small shelled clam.
I shouldn't talk about what they did to _her._
TOM: Oh, all right; they cooked and ate her.
MIKE: She used to sidelight as the Dancing Baby.
(More people on hover disks are shooting.)
Time and again he _screamed_
MIKE: He had a very strong voice.
at fate, pleaded for her to take him.
TOM: But the Doctor was out.
MIKE: Rob Simpson should be arrested for this grammar mauling.
CROW: No, he should be arrested for approving this plot synopsis.
(Deathstroke is getting blown up with a "Bra-bammmmm.")
_Kill_me_, he cried! _Kill_me!_
ALL: Direct quotes, we cried. Use direct quotes.
(Three military men, two dressed in strange costumes that
look like a cross between G.I. Joe and Imperial
Stormtroopers, complete with full-face helmets, and one in a
labcoat, are standing in a morgue-type room. Deathstroke, to
all appearances dead, is lying on a slab.)
TOM: Where *do* they get these villains?
Guy in Suit: "This man has not aged in two hundred years."
MIKE: Yeah, that's what the narrator said, genius.
Guy in Suit: "Dissect him. Learn his secret."
MIKE: Are all secrets obtainable through judicious use of autopsies?
CROW: What if his secret is just clean living?
(Labcoated man has a scalpel in his hand and is advancing on
Deathstroke.)
"The last of the American generals hired you to rescue his
country. But you failed him twice. America has fallen..."
MIKE: Inflation is rising.
(Close-up on Deathstroke. His eye is opening.)
Labcoat man: "And your secrets will make her enemies
stronger!"
(Shot of Deathstroke's hand, reaching up to grab the Labcoat
man's hand. The scapel goes flying.)
MIKE (as Deathstroke): "I give up. Rosebud is a sled."
Labcoat man: "NO!"
MIKE (as Deathstroke): "Are you sure? I saw the movie twice."
(Deathstroke, naked *again,* jumps up and begins attacking
people.)
TOM: Deathstroke: Nudist Vigilante.
His healing abilities _revived_ him. He _killed_ the
soldiers who had overrun his country...
CROW: Because he still had some aggression to work out.
...and then _fled_ into the night.
TOM: Because fleeing into the day just wasn't as dramatic.
MIKE: Or intelligent.
Slade felt the _flames_ dancing around him, ending his
_reverie_...
TOM: This origin story was brought to you by the letter 'D', the
number '3' and the symbol '}'
(The flashback is over. Back to the real story. Deathstroke
is getting burned at the stake, and the Genetix are dancing
around him.)
...while the _Genetix_ celebrated as the fires burned at his
flesh.
MIKE: Thus demonstrating again that they were supposed to be the *bad
guys*.
CROW: But next to Slade, they looked like a pack of freshman
cheerleaders.
(Deathstroke is burning up, but appears to be laughing.)
TOM: Some people just see the bright side of everything!
MIKE (singing): Always look at the bright side of life.
Their enemy would at last be _destroyed_ - although,
perhaps, he did not _believe_ that.
(Night-time. There is a green moon.)
TOM: That's what you get when you don't pay the colorist enough.
(Deathstroke has been burned to a charred husk, and the
flames have died down to smoking embers.)
MIKE (as McArthur): "I shall return."
CROW (Captain Sheridan): "Expect me when you see me."
TOM (Vigo the Carpathian): "Death is but a door; time is but a window;
I'll be back."
MIKE: Let's get out of here, guys.
[Door sequence]
[Mike and the 'bots are leaning on the counter in the bridge.]
MIKE: The Genetix caught Slade, burned him alive, and forced him to
have a flashback of his origin story. Guys, I'm pretty sure that the
Genetix are truly evil.
TOM: Yup. Sure looks like that. Pure evil.
GYPSY (OS): Alien ship approaching from the starboard aft.
MIKE: Cambot, give me rocket number nine!
[View of very ordinary looking spacecraft]
GYPSY (OS): They're hailing us.
MIKE: Cambot, open the hexfield viewscreen.
[In the hex-screen is a Genetix in a neat business suit with a guitar.
He immediately begins to sing in the tune of Dulcinea:]
I have cooked thee too long
Never braised thee or boiled thee, but fried thee with all
of my beans.
Half a sauce, half a stew
Thou hast always been with me though we only shared a few
scenes.
I'm Genetix. I'm Genetix.
I see nachos when I see thee; I'm Genetix.
Ah, thy taste is like fresh parsley over lamb chops,
For Genetix. I'm Genetix.
If I reached out to thee,
And I told thee that I and my kind never were treated fair;
Let my audience see
That I'm warm and alive, not a monster who never did care.
I'm Genetix. I'm Genetix.
I have sought thee, sung thee, dreamed thee, you pathetics.
Now I've found you and the world shall know my story:
I'm Genetix. I'm Genetix.
MIKE: Wow, that was nice. They must not be evil after all. I guess
we'll have to let him on board.
[docking sounds. Then the flashing lights]
CROW: Oh no, we have comics sign!
[Door sequence. Mike and 'bots take their seats]
(A bunch of Genetix are gloating over the charred, skeletal
corpse of Deathstroke)
A Genetix: "At long, long last, our enemy is no more."
ALL (as Genetix, singing): "Ding dong, the witch is dead."
A Genetix: "Take him away before his stench makes us sick."
MIKE (as Genetix): "Are you sure that's not *our* stench?"
CROW (as Genetix): "All right, take *me* away before- Wait a minute!"
(A couple of Genetix have take down the pillar and are
carrying it away. Other Genetix are watching.)
A Genetix: "Chop him into bits!"
CROW: Build a bridge out of him!
A Genetix: "Grind his bones!"
TOM: To make our bread!
A Genetix: "Feed him to the dogs."
CROW (as Rocky Horror audience member): "Soup!"
A Genetix: "Dump him with the others."
MIKE: Wow, they must burn a lot of superheroes.
TOM: No wonder the Martian Manhunter is so scared.
Same Genetix (con'd): "Let all the slaves see what happens
to those who defy the Genetix!"
TOM: It couldn't be much worse than forcing them to read this comic.
(The Genetix with the pillar are removing Deathstroke from
it and are about to dump him on an immense heap of skeletal
corpses.)
Human resisters were killed, gutted and left to _rot_ on a
pile of worm-ridden _bodies_ at the remains of what had once
been _Arlington_Cemetery_.
CROW: But was now the salad bar at Shoney's.
MIKE: Dumping bodies at a cemetery... I can't think of anything more
disgraceful!
TOM: Having your name on the credits of this mag would be pretty
disgraceful....
(They toss Deathstroke, now just undercooked pink muscle and
bone, on the heap.)
MIKE: Send it back! I ordered this well-done!
They say you could _smell_ them all the way to _New_York_.
TOM: Oh, please. New York has its own sanitation problems.
'Don't _resist_ the _Genetix,_' the stench warned.
MIKE (as Dalek): "You will be exterminated."
(The Genetix walk away.)
'Don't fight what is _better_ than you.'
CROW: That means we can't fight anybody!
(They throw more bodies on the pile.)
'You made us, but we destroyed you.'
MIKE: I wonder if there's a moral to this story yet...
'Be our _slaves_ and we may let you _live_ with only a
little pain.'
'Follow our wishes...'
TOM (as Genetix): 'And follow the yellow brick road.'
'...or _join_ those who did not.'
MIKE: I'm just not the kind of person who joins things.
CROW (Announcer): "Join them tonight... on Jerry Springer."
TOM (as Vader): "It is your *destiny.*"
The _lesson_ was learned by most.
MIKE: But some people just kept flunking out over and over again.
TOM & CROW (singing): A B C E F H G, Z R X Q T M P.
(Close up of Deathstroke.)
Slade was left for dead as the pile grew around him.
TOM: Due to all those other regenerating corpses.
(Deathstroke is beginning to heal.)
As his own _flesh_ began to knit its way back up his bones.
CROW: As the fragmentary sentence.
As capillaries and veins and arteries reconnected.
MIKE (as Yoda): "Grammatical structure your sentences lack."
As blood began to flow again.
MIKE (as Hulk): "Me tired of lousy fragments. Hulk smash!!"
(His arm, fully healed, bursts out of the pile of bodies.)
As his _heart_ began to _beat_ again.
TOM (as Warlock): "SelffriendMarv writing style is abhorrent to Self."
MIKE: How come his blood started to flow before his heart started
working again? Isn't it usually the other way around?
(Deathstroke, fully healed, leaps out of the heap of
corpses, extremely miffed.)
Deathstroke: "Never again!"
MIKE (as Deathstroke): "Will I pay too much for my muffler!"
TOM (as Deathstroke): "Well, once more, but that's it!"
(Close up of Deathstroke's face. He's still angry.
He had been _alive_ for five hundred years, and virtually
_insane_
CROW: What do you mean, 'virtually'?
for the past three hundred.
But this _shock_ seemed to _revive_ him.
MIKE: They'd moved his body to Corbal.
TOM: How shocking.
(Deathstroke's walking away, highlighted by the green moon.)
Enough was enough,
MIKE: But one hug is never enough.
Deathstroke thought.
CROW: That must have taken him a while.
(Scene of a city.)
The Genetix...
TOM: Who are filling in for the Orcs...
...they would have to _die_ so _humans_ could live.
MIKE: Wasn't that what the Nazis thought about the Jews?
CROW: Also what Cap'n Crunch thought about the Soggies.
(A large number of Genetix are hanging around in what looks
like a disco, complete with mirrored balls.)
MIKE: Finally! Proof that the Genetix are evil - they like disco!
A Genetix: "No action tonight. May as well go home. Early
day tomorrow. They want us to sweep through Baltimore"
TOM (as Genetix): "Man, I hate cleaning up after WorldCon."
Same Genetix (con'd): "There's been another rogue-human
sighting."
TOM: But Rogue's a mutant.
CROW: That's why it made the cover of Weekly World News.
MIKE: Come see the Completely Normal Person.
(Close up on a couple of Genetix. They're riding hover-
disks)
A Genetix: "Wait. I'll go with you. But nature calls."
CROW (as Genetix): "Nature calls me a bit weenie, but I go anyway."
MIKE: Did she remember to use 10-10-321?
(Rear shot of that Genetix.)
The Genetix relieved himself...
MIKE: Do we really need to know this?
TOM: He had worried that he had left the iron on.
(The Genetix turns around and sees Deathstroke standing on
his over-disk.)
...but when he returned to his _flier_...
CROW: Which was *unzipped*.
Genetix: "Hey! Who are you? Get away from my flie-"
TOM (as Genetix): "I'm not that kind of girl!"
(Deathstroke shoots the Genetix. His gun goes "Babbam Bam."
MIKE: That's the third different sound effect for that same gun.
CROW: And this time it sounds like a Flintstones artifact.
TOM: Where will they get their effects from next? Gilligan's Island?
(Deathstroke takes the hover-disk and flies off on it.)
Slade headed for the remains of the old _Pentagon_.
CROW: As opposed to the ancient or the new Pentagons.
He and Wintergreen began working for the Government in the
late twentieth entury.
MIKE: Now Deathstroke needed a pension plan.
By the late '90s, arthritis put a reluctant Wintergreen
behind a _desk_ until his still-questionable death.
TOM (as Don Pardo): "Yes, W.R. Wintergreen is alive and well and living
in beautiful Santiago, Chile."
Because the building was abandoned after the Terrorist wars
of '08,
MIKE: I love getting important backstory halfway through the book,
don't you?
their _files_ would still be there.
CROW: Aha! The Pentagon was abandoned because it was undamaged and
functional, right?
(Now Deathstroke is wandering around the Pentagon.)
Working for a Government
MIKE: Not *the* Government, but *a* Government.
has always meant _death_ to those he loved.
TOM: Just like the Baldwin brothers?
Addie died during a job for the _French_.
CROW: Those lousy Frogs!
TOM: It's not easy being green.
(Deathstroke is now fiddling at a computer.)
CROW: I *don't* want to know.
Slade's daughter was working for the _Canadians_ when a
bullet put her into the grave.
CROW: Huh, the words 'Canadians' and 'working' usually don't appear
together in a sentence.
The _only_ one who wouldn't die was Slade himself.
MIKE: Even though we wish he would.
He had to live to _suffer_ through everyone else's death.
CROW: Ah, he's Jewish.
(Deathstroke's called up a screenful of gibberish. A
computer graphic of the floating disembodied head of
Wintergreen is floating on the screen.)
CROW (singing): Everything you know is wrong / black is white, up is
down, and right is wrong.
Wintergreen's journals were transferred to _bio-wafers_ just
before the Pentagon was destroyed...
TOM: The destroyed Pentagon in which everything still works...
MIKE: Who's paying their electrical bills?
Computer/Wintergreen: "Slade,"
TOM (as Vader): "I am your father."
Computer/Wintergreen: "my research on the original
experiment that created you indicates a series of secret
experiments that cause me great concern."
CROW (as Wintergreen): "I wasn't at all concerned about their
experimenting on *you*."
MIKE (as Wintergreen): "But Dr. Zaius assures me that all is well."
Computer/Wintergreen: "I've often wondered why the research
was never continued."
CROW: He probably wonders why DDT isn't used anymore, too.
Computer/Wintergreen: "I believe the Pentagon is withholding
information from me even now."
MIKE (as Wintergreen): "That may be because they revoked my security
clearance."
Computer/Wintergreen: "I've recently found a locked computer
file"
MIKE: The key is probably under the doormat.
Computer/Wintergreen: "called 'Operation Genetix'. Slade, I
believe you were only a small part of some greater
experiment."
CROW: "An experiment which may have involved Samantha Mulder..."
Deathstroke: "Genetix?"
MIKE (singing): You say Genetix, and I say genetics / Genetix,
genetics, Genetix, genetics, let's call the whole thing off.
Deathstroke: "Top secret bio-wafers were kept behind locked
doors."
(A locked door appears in the background.)
TOM: Behold, speak the name of the door and it shall appear in the
background.
CROW (as Deathstroke): Now if only I could remember how to open doors.
Deathstroke: "Wintergreen, old friend, you were always too
gentle."
MIKE (as Deathstroke): The way you used to kill people instead of
maiming them like I do.
(Something explodes with a "Whoomm."
Deathstroke: "If you want something, you have to go for it!"
CROW: He found that one in a fortune cookie.
MIKE: Hey, they got the sound effect right; that's unprecedented.
TOM: Their budget will go sky high if they actually use the right
effects.
MIKE: Maybe they just stole this one from The Punisher.
(Slade is looking at a ruined console and holding a smoking
gun.)
Deathstroke: Is there some connection between me and the
Genetix?"
MIKE: Is there any connection between Ted Turner and Jane Fonda?
(Deathstroke is glaring at a bio-wafer.)
TOM: Bleh! Diet food. At least it's better than rice cakes.
Deathstroke: "Is that what you were searching for when you
died? Did those bastards kill you?"
CROW (as Wintergreen): "Do you really think they drowned me in all that
Jell-O?"
(A disembodied head of a man pops up. This is possibly the
guy who ordered Deathstroke dissected.)
Computer/Man: "File name Genetix."
MIKE: Wow that's great encryption. And the password protection was
almost enough to stop a four-year-old!
CROW: That explains why Wintergreen couldn't open it.
Computer/Man: "Top secret clearance only."
Slade: "Yeah, yeah."
TOM: Even Slade knows that their security is a joke.
CROW: No, he's doing his Austin Powers impersonation. Yeah, baby! Yeah!
Computer/Man: "File 103-C: We have found the perfect subject
in Slade Wilson."
TOM: For one thing, he hates Dennis the Menace.
Computer/Man: "He has been told we are trying to find a cure
for truth serums. He believes us."
MIKE (as Bugs): "What a maroon!"
TOM (as Computer guy) "We're actually searching for a cure for
successful comics with the letter 'X' in front of them."
Computer/Man: "Project Genetix was begun to create the
perfect soldier. Invulnerable. Powerful. Controllable."
CROW: Two out of three ain't bad.
TOM: Didn't some Canadian group try the same thing a while back?
CROW: Yeah, but all they got were John Candy, William Shatner, and
Bryan Adams.
(The computer screen shows diagrams of a human body.)
TOM: Leonardo DaVinci, 2999
Computer/Man: "File 204-A:"
MIKE: Are these .RTF files or .MPG files?
TOM: Neither, the government never figured out how to use anything
other than ASCII text.
Computer/Man: "Test case Wilson has proven a failure."
CROW (as Computer head): "He's so dumb, he could flunk a blood test."
Computer/Man: "His strength and stamina have increased but
nothing else.
(Shot of Deathstroke's face. He's looking angry. As usual.
He is not invulnerable."
TOM: Unkillable, yes; invulnerable, no.
Computer/Man: "And he is definitely not controllable."
CROW: Maybe they should give him some Ritalin.
Computer/Man: "Unless there is a metabolic change, we are
considering termination!"
MIKE: That computer file is getting awfully impassioned!
(A shot of the computer screen. The Computer head guy has
sprouted a hand and is holding up a piece of paper with a
diagram of a Genetix.)
Computer head: "File 399L: Genetix experiments continue. We
have developed a new body-type which will accomplish our
goals."
MIKE (as Computer head): "To retain the Women's World Cup title."
Slade: "The mutants?!?"
MIKE: Woah, big boy. Do you really need all that punctuation?!?
CROW: You know, they prefer the term "genetically challenged".
MIKE: OK, guys, lets see what's up out there.
[Door sequence.]
[Cambot is focused on Mike and the 'bots, who are huddled near
the Hexfield.]
MIKE (whispering): Be careful, you guys.
TOM (whispering): Yeah, the story implies that all Genetix are evil
mutants.
CROW (loudly): Cool!
MIKE & TOM (loudly): Shhh!
[Cambot pans out to the normal distance. Standing on the right side of
the bridge is the Genetix in the business suit. He doesn't have his
guitar with him.]
GENETIX PR GUY: Hey, don't worry, guys. Don't think of me as one of the
Genetix; think of me as a Public Relations executive.
(Mike and 'bots notice him for the first time.)
ALL: Aaaugh!
GENETIX PR GUY: What? What did I say?
MIKE: We've had some bad experiences with PR people.
TOM: Well, I thought Nuveena was kind of nice.
MIKE: Well maybe Nuveena. But let's just say we've had more bad
experiences with PR folks than Scott Adams has.
GENETIX PR GUY: Please, please hear me out. You look like nice people.
So please don't rush to judge me as an evil mutant, because I'm not.
CROW (disappointed): Awww!
GENETIX PR GUY: And no, I don't like disco.
MIKE: It's OK, Crow; we'll find you an evil mutant to play with some
other time.
GENETIX PR GUY: Let me see if I have Newt Gingrich's number in my
rolodex.
TOM: Hey, you PR guys sure have a lot of connections.
GYPSY: [rushing in] Can you contact Richard Basehardt?
GENETIX PR GUY: Ah, here's Gingrich. Unfortunately, he's away taking
some evil-mutant continuing-education classes. But I could get Trent
Lott....
ALL: Nooo!
(Lights flash.)
MIKE: We've got comics sign!
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