[MiSTed] From the Ashes Arose Idiocy
Darth Kirby
Original Authors: SWIFT JUSTICE, Ian McLeod, and Paminifarm
MiSTed by Darth Kirby
Categories: RANT PG
Era: JOEL
Date Completed: September 2001
*~* WARNING!!! *~*
The following works of writing contain racism, profanity, and
stupidity (And a cheap moral at the end. Sue me.) If you feel
that you have any trappings of innocence, I suggest you turn
back now. Otherwise, enjoy!
* Turn Down Your Lights *
(And smile a little smile. . .)
In the not-too-distant future--
Next Sunday A.D.--
There was a guy named Joel,
Not too different from you or me.
He worked at Gizmonic Institute,
Just another face in a red jumpsuit.
He did a good job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses didn't like him
So they shot him into space.
We'll send him cheesy movies,
The worst we can find (la-la-la).
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And we'll monitor his mind (la-la-la).
Now keep in mind Joel can't control
Where the movies begin or end (la-la-la)
Because he used those special parts
To make his robot friends.
Robot Roll Call: (Let's go!)
Cambot! (Pan left!)
Gypsy! (Hi, girl!)
Tom Servo! (What a cool guy!)
Croooow! (What a wisecracker!)
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
and other science facts (la la la),
Then repeat to yourself,
"It's just a show,
I should really just relax!"
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
[twang]
[ 1 ... 2 ... 3 ... 4 ... 5 ... 6 ... G ]
[Satellite of Love; Joel, Tom, and Crow are standing around the main
table. They each hold a sheet of paper in front of them. The lights
are dimmed.]
Crow: "Life goes on, and so shall I;
Time to get back on the road again,
And search for my destiny.
My purpose in life still remains a mystery,
But it will not be traveled in misery.
So, as long as I keep those I love by my side,
I will always be happy in my pride. Thank you."
[Joel and Tom applaud]
Joel: Very good, Crow.
Crow: Thanks, Joel!
Tom: I could do better.
Crow: Oh, I'd like to see you try.
Joel: Quiet you two. Hello, everyone! I'm Joel Robinson, you may
remember me as the man trapped in outer space who is sent bad
movies and/or internet fodder. These are my friends, Crow T.
Robot and Tom Servo, and tonight is Poetry Night!
Crow + Tom [Weakly]: Rah.
Joel: Come on, you two, buck up! Tom, would you like to take the next
shot?
Tom: Fine, fine, fine. *ahem*
"Twinkle, twinkle, little stars,
While planets float around like Mars.
On each planet we shall find,
Little humanoids with a different mind.
Discovered quickly and then marred,
They're the next victims of Marissa Picard."
Joel: Whoa, whoa. You wrote a poem... about Marissa?
Tom: Well... yeah. I ran out of ideas.
Crow: Say, how much longer is this poem?
Tom: Well, the other twelve volumes are in my room...
Crow: Who *didn't* see that one coming?
[Commercial sign flashes]
Tom: Hey! When I get creative, I get creative!
Crow: Get weird is more like it.
Joel: Knock it off you two. We'll be right back.
[Planet Bumper]
-------
This program brought to you by the Microsoft Xbox.
If you didn't feel pushed around by Microsoft before, wait until they
get a hold of the video game industry!
-------
This program also brought to you by McNATO.
Remember: A coupon at one McNATO restaurant is a coupon at every
McNATO restaurant! Or else!
-------
[SOL; the lights are normal, and the twelve volumes of Marissa
poetry are stacked next to Tom.]
Crow: No more! I beg of you!
Tom: You said the same thing before my seven stanzas on the true
psychological consequences on Marissa during the Battle of
Bajor!
Crow: I was right! I still have problems feeling my ears!
Tom: You don't have ears!
Joel: Calm down, you two. Crow, it's just poetry. Tom, no more
Marissa poetry.
Tom: Don't you mean Marissa Amber Flores Poetry?
Joel: Knock it off.
Tom: Sorry, Joel.
Joel: You should be.
[Mads Light begins to flash]
Joel: Great, now Dexter and Deedee are on line four. Hello? Sirs?
[Deep 13; Dr. Forrester is standing in front of a TV (that is
conveniently facing away from Cambot) and adjusting it with a wrench.]
Dr. Forrester: Ah, hello, boobie! Well? Get on with your invention
exchange! Do you want an invitation or something?
[SOL; on the table now sits a type writer with a shredder attached on
top.]
Joel: Okay, sir. Crow, go.
Crow: Huh? Oh! Right. Well, the summer of 2001 was one of the most
profitable summers for Hollywood yet. Why? Simple! Sequels!
Tom: That's right. Sequels are the only thing Hollywood makes any
money on, ignoring the evil influence of Mike Meyers.
Joel: Right! So that's why I invented "The Sequelizer." It takes an
original, breath taking movie and makes its most racy parts
into the only soul the movie dares to offer.
Tom: See how _Rush Hour 2_ took the comradery from it's prequel
and turned it into pointless racism? Or how _American Pie 2_
just took the jokes from the first one and added dumb undertones?
Or maybe you'll notice the fact that _Jurassic Park III_ is
exactly the same as _Jurassic Park_ but without any good parts?
Joel: It's true. Now, with The Sequelizer, we can do the same thing
as those other sequels in half the time! Take the script of
something daring and original, say _Memento_, and stick in
in The Sequelizer!
[* PLINK! *]
Crow: Here we go! _Memento II_! Guy Pierce is a man who can't
remember what happens five minutes ago, so he has to wait
for the pizza delivery guy, but he doesn't know how much to
make the check out for! Oh no!
Tom: Hey, now we can try out _Shrek_!
Joel: Okay, let me just stick 'er on in there...
[* PLINK! *]
Tom: Let's see... Oh, _Shrek, The Shrek-uel_! It revolves around
donkey falling in love with furry alien--
Crow: Trumpy, no!
Tom: --many jackass and 'out of this world' jokes ensue. Neat!
Joel: Here, let me give one a go. How 'bout I stick the script for
_Charlie's Angels_ into The Sequelizer and...
[* BOOOOM! *; a plume of smoke reduces Joel and the Bots to coughing.]
Joel: *hack*
Tom: Wow, a sequel to _Charlie's Angels_ was too evil for even 'The
Sequelizer'!
Joel: Whaddya think, sirs?
[D13; Dr. F now stands to the side of the TV.]
Dr. Forrester: Impressive, boobie, if not a bit nasty for your usual
tastes. Okay, Joel, imagine you're watching CNN and a
national disaster has occurred. Now the disaster can
last long enough for ten minutes of footage at the
very most. But CNN needs to keep your attention, and
does so by showing that same footage over and over
again. Eventually, most people will tune out after
seeing the disaster 20 million times. How can CNN
keep consistent ratings? Simple! Use my new
'Slo-Mo-A-Go-Go.' This simple device takes that ten
minutes of footage and, taking a cue from _The Mummy
Returns_, randomly speeds it up or slows it down,
keeping the audience enraptured. Watch as I
demonstrate on Frank.
[TV's Frank enters]
Frank: Heya, Steve. What's going-- hey! [He looks at the TV] Footage
of Hurricane Hugo! Man, I've seen this a hundred times. I
wonder if "Friends" is on-- Wait! That part went slower!
Oooohhh! And that part-- that part goes faster! Wow! This is
cool! Wait, now it's going really fast! Now slow! Wowsers!
[Dr. Forrester grins evilly]
Dr. Forrester: It's almost too easy. Er, speaking of disasters, Joel,
this week I've got some Anti-Arabic spam posted to
Usenet after the World Trade Center Bombings. It's so
evil, it even made me blush. Take it hard, prole!
[SOL; Crow holds a script in front of him. Movie Sign flashes]
Crow: _Cats & Dogs II, The Wrath of Tom & Jerry_?
Tom: Sounds delicious!
Joel: Watch it! We've got Rant Siiiiign!
[ G ... 6 ... 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ]
[Joel and the Bots enter from the right. Joel places Tom next to him.]
Joel: Now, guys, be sure to keep _A.I._ away from The Sequelizer.
Tom: Done and done.
Crow: I don't think anyone is *that* evil.
>From: Ian McLeod
Tom: Hey, a guy from the McLeod clan! Think Sean Connery will show up
and sprout random facts about the planet Zeist?
Crow: That's "MacLeod," thank you.
Tom: Whatever.
> (ian_m...@spammenot.primus.com.au)
Joel: Spam Me Not, Rant Me Not!
Tom: Yes, sometimes even the wisest of man or machine can make an
error, but I'm pretty sure he's just plain dumb.
>Subject: BOMB THOSE FUCKING ISRAELITES
Everyone: [Jumps]
Tom: Bomb them up their bombing asses?
Crow: Hey, it is kinda rude to interrupt them...
Joel: Be nice, Crow.
>Newsgroups: alt.arabic.politics,
Crow: Condemning each other since 1994!
> alt.politics, aus.politics,
Joel: What does Australia have to do with this?
Tom: Maybe he just wants to explain his case to Paul Hogan.
Crow: And, if we're lucky, Paul Hogan will 'case' him.
Tom: Bad touch, Crow.
Crow: What?!
> alt.religion
Tom: Any religion that would bomb 'fucking' Isrealites would
Definitely be a strange alternative.
>View this article only
Crow: There should really be an option to not view this article at
all.
>Date: 2001-09-14 02:38:16 PST
Joel: A date that will live... in idiocy.
>
>
>HERE HERE!!!
[Joel & Bots look around]
Joel: Where where?
Crow: Uh, there there.
Tom: Ha ha.
>
>We should send a note to Israel stating that we are sick of fighting
>their stupid wars.
Crow: Well, we'll tell 'em that as soon as we start fighting their
wars for them.
> If they want to go bulldoze and rocket attack
> innocent Palestinians, let them go ahead and watch us turn a blind
> eye as they are nuked by the Taliban.
Tom: What the Sam Scratch? When did Afghanistan get involved in the
PLO-Israeli conflict?
Crow: Maybe Israel and 'fucking Israel' are two different entities.
>
>Fucking Israel is just like the Balkans, always dragging people in to
>their stupid wars.
Joel: Gee, not like humanitarianism had anything to do with it...
Crow: Forget Hitler, Napoleon, or Genghis Khan, the Balkans are
where the real money is at!
> Let them blow themselves up, see if we fucking
> care.
Crow: I may not 'fucking' care, but...
>
> Perhaps we should just drop the bastards on Mars
Tom: Quick! To the Athena!
Crow: That's quite a prospect, I'll admit.
> (they will only notice the air pressure is different,
Crow: As soon as they notice there is *no* air.
> same lack of life as Israel owing to it
> being trashed by humans)
Tom: So Israel is uninhabited but we're sending all the
non-existent people to Mars?
> and let them kill each other and leave the rest of
>the world in peace.
Crow: Oh, yeah. China, United States, Pakistan, Russia, India...
one big, happy family!
Joel: World politics would be like the Brady Bunch without the
Middle East around!
>
> Stupid fucking war mongers
Tom: So bombing Israel isn't warmongering?
Crow: Not 'fucking' Israel.
Tom: Right...
> - they can take their bomb buddies (the
> rest of the Middle East) with them. Wankers.
Joel: I love chocolate flavored wankers.
Crow: Joel, you're thinking of 'bangers'.
Joel: Oops. Sorry.
>
>Delorimier wrote:
Tom: Delorimier, new from Coco Chanel!
>>Declare war on the Middle-East !
Tom: Sorry, I just ate !
>>
>>You're a fucking moron shithead.
Crow: Ah! What a witty bon mon! Ha ha...
>>
>>The US deserved such an attack.
Joel: That's the thing: no one deserves such an attack.
>> Israel and jews have brought this
>>upon you.
Tom: Ah, and the return of jolly old racism!
Crow: Heck, people wearing white after Labor Day could have brought
this on!
Joel: Yeah, some people just don't get along.
>>
>> ef
Tom: Certainly *not* the last internet junkie to be born without a
brain stem.
Crow: Or a brain at all, really.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>Le Tue, 11 Sep 2001 08:19:38 -0500,
Crow: Le Crap continues.
Joel [Pointing]: That's a weird geometry problem they've got there.
>> xganon
Tom: Oh, a Legend of Zelda crossover!
Crow: Yeah, we're bombing the Middle East because they stole the
Triforce.
>> <nob...@xganon.com>
Tom: Well, I guess it's nobody's fault, isn't it?
>> écrit:
>>
>>
>>>Just blow them all sky high!!!
Tom: Monica Lewinksy, no!
Joel: Tom!
>>> I really hope the US decides to
>>>declare war on the middle east for this,
Joel: The WHOLE Middle East?
Tom: A 'big picture' person, I see.
>>>and just wipes out their whole stinking race.
Crow: Can we just wipe out all traces of _Rat Race_ instead?
>>>And we want these fucking dirty arabs
Tom [Heston]: Get your paws off me, you damn dirty bigot!
>>> shipping themselves to OUR
>>> country?
Joel: Think they use FedEx or UPS?
Tom: UPS is really the way to go...
>>>
>>>BLOW UP THE MIDDLE EAST!
Crow: How much you wanna bet this guy also supports nuclear energy
and the electric car?
Tom: He'd better.
>>> Send them back to Allah. Fucking arabs.
Crow: Well, that's one way to go.
Joel: Crow...
Crow: What?
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>---
>>>This post was anonymized at http://www.xganon.com
Joel: The Anonymizer! In Color!
>>>Come visit the newest xganon server http://www.xganon.org
>>> providing rights and freedom related news.
Tom: And racist rants!
Crow: It's fun! Really!
>>>---
>>>
>>>
>>
>
>From: SWIFT JUSTICE!
Tom: Now that's a name for a villian!
Crow: Tonight: The Anonymizer faces his stupidest challenger yet!
Joel: Swift Justice? I knew a Motionally-Impaired Justice. Think
they're related?
> (st...@nomail.com)
Crow: I think he means _no_...@nomail.com.
>Subject: KILL THE BASTARDS!
Joel: Don't they mean 'kill da wabbit'?
Tom: Looks like Elmer sold out.
>Newsgroups: alt.arabic, alt.arabic.politics,
Crow: The man knows his audience. He hates 'em, but he knows 'em, too!
>alt.culture.arabic.friends,
>alt.culture.arab-league
Tom: Arabic Friends? Arab League? Are these some of those crime
fighting groups you never hear about?
Joel: This week: the Arabic Friends vs. Swift Justice!
Crow: Yeah, and I'll be a bucket of water.
>View this article only
>Date: 2001-09-11 12:30:49 PST
>
>
> This is what the "trying to get along" has gotten us.
Crow: We got up! We got up with 'The Get-Along Gang'!
>
> Carpet bomb, Afghanistan, Syria,
Tom: When did they name a country 'Carpet Bomb'?
Joel: Oh, it was part of the former Soviet Union.
Crow: Who wasn't?
> Iran & Iraq.
Joel: On ABC, this fall!
Tom: From the executive producer of "Will & Grace"!
> Kill their women & children. Who gives a shit if
> Afghanistan builds it's training camps around elementary
> schools!!
Crow: Can I give a shit?
Joel: Not in the theater, Crow.
> KILL!!
Tom: Hey, a very special cameo from Evil Killer Death Spybot 5000!
> Assassinate Arafat,
> destroy the PLO.
Crow: Pick up laundry, take out garbage.
> Kill & destroy.
Joel: For fun & profit.
> These terrorists have gone
> unpunished for far too long.
Crow: Send them to their rooms without supper!
> Clinton had his murdering
> buddy Arafat, the Jew-killer and freedom-hater to the White
> House three times trying to appease him.
Tom: Knock three times on the ceiling if you try to appease me...
> Now look what it's got us.
Joel: More racist rants than money can buy.
Tom: Or would want to, for that matter.
> Thank GOD that spineless Israel-hating piece of
> leftwing shit is GONE!!
Crow: Pharaoh Rameses?
> This is a 21st century Pearl Harbor
Tom: In New York.
> and calls for a declaration of war on ALL states that
> have harbored and sponsored terrorism.
Crow: Like Montana, Oklahoma, and Florida?
Joel: Crow...
>
> Palestinians are dancing in the streets.
Joel: Callin' out 'round the world?
Tom: Yeah, are you ready for some brand new crap?
> KILL THE BASTARDS NOW!!
Crow: Still better than _In the Army Now_.
>
>
> From: Paminifarm (nos...@newsranger.com)
Tom: o/~ Go go, Newsranger! Quit your posting Nospam@newsranger,
ohhhhh! o/~
> Subject: Re: BOMB THEM TO HELL
Tom: I'M MAD AS HELL--
Joel: Tom, no.
> Newsgroups: alt.arabic.politics
> View this article only
Crow: Can't we just denounce this article and move on?
> Date: 2001-09-12 17:47:52 PST
>
>
> Thu, 13 Sep 2001 02:00:59 +0200
> Hello, from America's Sole,
> Christian Activist, Paminifarm.
Crow: Sole Activist? I think this guy keeps getting walked all over!
Tom: Yeah, this is the guy who wants us to go on 'war footing!'
Joel: Oh, you guys...
>>
>> A DEAD MUSLIM.........IS A GOOD MUSLIM
Joel: I'm starting to sense some hostility here. You guys...
picking up on that?
Tom: A little bit, yeah.
Crow: Just a smidgen, Joel.
>>
>>
>
> How come there is nothing about Daytona, Florida,
Crow: Forget national tragedy, I want my NASCAR!
> since they have
> found the wtb culperts
Tom: They found the people responsible for the WB?
Crow: Yeah, it looks like it was a dancing frog of some sort.
> (bunch of college kids)
Tom: Yes, when in doubt, blame the children.
Joel: I think they mean a 'knot' of college kids.
> starting from
> Daytona on to Country wide?
Tom: _Rat Race 2_!
Crow: I wish you'd quit that.
>
> Is it a hush hush thingy or what!!!!!!!
Joel: I think it's more of a silly fo filly thingy, myself.
Tom: Heh, hush hush, baby.
>
> As you all know, Daytona is MotorCycle Country as well.
Crow: Don't they mean 'Taste Country'?
Joel: Wrong evil empire, Crow.
Crow: Oh. Sorry.
>
> Certainly the Corporate Society Insurance Co's arenot going to like
> this, because it means they will have to pay for all those crashed
> planes, buildings, people etc.
Joel: Yeah, it's been a tough week since those buildings crashed on
my couch.
Crow: Haven't gotten rid of 'em yet, the lazy bums.
> Corporate Society would rather call
> it war
Tom: Let's call the whole thing war?
> and bomb some poor Third-World Country, just to get out of
> paying what they owe.
Tom: Uh, no, they'd still have to pay the insurance.
Joel: I think Mr. Priminimi needs to get out more.
>
> Truth Hurts:
Crow: Faith Saves.
Joel: Boredom Withdrawals.
> http://www.angelfire.com/ms/3flrgtbnd/revolution.html
Joel: You say you want a revolution?
Tom: Well, we *all* want to change the world.
> http://www.angelfire.com/ms/3flrgtbnd/notjew.html
>
>
>
> From: SWIFT JUSTICE!
Crow: Looks like he broke out of prison to fight the Arabic League
again!
Tom: Well, if it's like any *true* comic book, it'll only happen
about 500 more times, not including crossovers and special
editions.
> (st...@nomail.com)
> Subject: LIBERALS & DEMOCRATS WILL SIDE WITH ARABS
Joel: But they taste better with a side of mashed potatoes.
Crow + Tom: [Groan]
> Newsgroups: alt.arabic.politics, alt.current-affairs.muslims,
> alt.religion.islam.arabic, soc.culture.afghanistan,
> soc.culture.arabic
Crow: What? No alt.stupid.jackass?
Tom: Nah, that one is ruled by MTV geeks.
> View this article only
> Date: 2001-09-12 15:40:49 PST
>
>
> Anti-Semite and Jew-hater Hillary Clinton praised the PLO, kissed
> Arafat's transsexual wife, called for a Palestinian homeland
> two years ago.
Tom: Now that's a way to start off a rant!
Joel: Well, she tried calling but no one was home!
> Her Marxist democrat husband of the same ilk
Crow: A Marxist Democrat? That's like a Socialist Republican!
Tom: Yeah, or a Liberal Conservative.
> pushed
> and pushed for Israel to give up it's rightful land to make amends
> to the murderous PLO.
Joel: Yeah, trying to prevent more killing had nothing to do with it.
> Now look what it's got us.
Joel: More racist rants than... wait a minute. Huh?
Crow: He must really like that line.
> The PLO and all
> the filthy Arab camel-fuckers are not interested in peace.
Tom: Camel-fuckers? Think they like one hump or two?
Joel: Hey, hey...
Tom: Sorry.
Crow: Yeah, don't steal my bit.
> They want Israel and the US destroyed.
Joel: They need a new hobby.
> With the unpatriotic radical
> leftwing liberal democrats in the US, they just may succeed.
Tom: Or they might not. You never know.
>
> Now watch for all the leftwing commie-libs start lining up along
> side the Arabs and blaming America after they finish spewing their
> "we're all united" garbage.
Tom: Who's spewing garbage again?
Crow: This rant has been close minded for the thinking impaired.
> It won't last.
Joel: Nothing good does.
Crow: But this isn't any good. Let's go.
[Joel picks up Tom and they head to the right]
Tom: Swift Justice will return in Arabic League Issue #666! Beware!
[ 1 ... 2 ... 3 ... 4 ... 5 ... 6 ... G ]
[SOL; Books are stacked everywhere. Tom and Crow are pouring over large text books.]
Crow: What about the 6 Days War?
Tom: Yeah, he's related to it.
Crow: The Black Plague?
Tom: It looks like he's behind that, too.
Crow: The Hydrogen Bomb?
Tom: Uh, I guess that could have been his idea...
Crow: _Star Wars: Episode I_?
Tom: Definitely his fault.
[Joel enters carrying a few sheets of paper]
Joel: Hi, guys. What're you up to?
Crow: Oh, hi Joel. The rants we got today started us thinking. If
we know that Arabs as a whole aren't to blame, and poor
U.S.-Middle Easter relations aren't the sole reason, their
must be some other residual factor!
Joel: Like what?
Crow: Well, tracing all the events in human history back, we now
realize that the tragedy of that happened at the World Trade
Towers, and, thus, all the problems in the civilized world,
can be traced back to one person!
Joel: God?
Tom: No, Joel! We're not Creationists! We now know that all the
world's problems can be attributed to Mr. Marvin P. Ferkinwalter
of 12 Connecticut Avenue!
Joel: Marvin P. Ferkinwalter is the cause of every problem
throughout modern history?
Tom: Not just modern history! History as a whole!
Joel: How?
Crow: Uh, we still haven't figured that out yet.
Joel: Uh huh. You guys! Don't look for a scapegoat! You can't blame
Marvin for everything. People who do that just look for the
easy way out instead of examining the facts and only find
themselves alone in a menagerie of idiocy.
Tom: Nice wording.
Joel: Thanks, my gumball-headed compadre! People have to realize that
history is one continuous process. The bombings weren't just
related to fifty years of Israel, but rather thousands of
years of racial hatred mixed with seething prejudice.
Crow: Gee, Joel, then what can we do to prevent these sort of
disasters from ever happening again?
Joel: It's quite simple, buddy. You just got to remember to keep an
open mind and not judge someone because of the color of their
skin or their nationality. Everyone is human deep down inside.
Tom: That's sweet, Joel.
Crow: Yeah! Bring on this week's letter!
Joel: Actually, instead of a letter, this week we have a poem I wrote.
You guys care to join me?
Tom: Let's do it!
[He gives both of the Bots a page.]
Joel: Okay, I start.
"As I sit in the starry sky with my friends by my side,
I let a single tear fall from my weary red eye.
Friends and family of those I've never met,
Gone in an instant, the will of a racist bigot."
Go, Crow.
Crow: Right!
"And though I may not have known those who died,
Their pain I can feel in my side.
For though I will still enjoy my life and have fun,
The death of a single person can hurt the lives of a billion."
Tom: "And so I remind you of that each day,
That we're all interconnected in some way.
Don't blame a person of one color for a deed not theirs,
Take the hand of another and ease the pain he shares."
Joel: "So as I gaze at the beautiful starry night,
I wish with all my remaining might
That another tragedy like will never get to stand
Because we will unite as one people, hand in hand."
I love you, Crow. I love you, Tom.
Crow: We love you too, Joel. But we still blame Marvin.
Joel: Oh well. I tried.
Tom [Crying]: Oh, Joel...
Joel: What do you think, sirs?
[D13; Dr. Forrester is getting a bit teary. Frank is *still*
watching CNN]
Dr. Forrester: Oh, thanks a lot, prole. You've even got me going!
Frank, get over here and push the damn button.
Frank: Okay-- Wait! That part was really fast! Wow! And that part--
that was slow! Gee wiz, this is the best bestest natural
disaster ever!
Dr. Forrester: FRANK!
Frank: I'll be there in a second! Oh, wow! Look at that palm tree fly!
Dr. Forrester [Growling]: Palm tree, eh? I'll show him what a palm
tree can do to an unprotected skull! Uh, until next
week, proles! Mwa ha ha ha!
[FWOOOOOOSH!!!!!]
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Joel ... Joel Hodgson
Crow ... Trace Beaulieu
Tom ... Kevin Murphy
Dr. Forrester ... Trace Beaulieu
TV's Frank ... Frank Conniff
-Mystery Science Theater 3000 is copyrighted to Best Brains, Inc.
-These rants all belong to their original authors, and, frankly,
they can keep 'em.
-The "Anonymizer" riff comes from the MiSTing of "MST3k SUX!" by
Eric Burns. It's worth a read.
-The "Close minded for the thinking impaired" riff comes from the
MiSTing of "Agent Action!" by Bill Livingston. Another must read.
-Marissa Picard belongs to Stephen Ratliff. Sorry for bringing her
up in such disreputable company, but anything for a cheap gag...
-This MiSTing is copyrighted to Darth Kirby 2k1. Peace out.
-My apologies to anyone honestly named Marvin P. Ferkinwalter.
It was a coincidence. I swear.
Author's Notes:
"Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads
to hate. Hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you." -Yoda
Terrorism creates fear. Don't hate others for things they haven't
done.
--Darth Kirby, Sept. 16, 2001
Read MST4k and my other MiSTings at:
http://www.angelfire.com/ak/captainoftheexplorer/mst4k.html
Keep circulating the fics!
[twang]
> Is it a hush hush thingy or what!!!!!!!
GypsyJr512
LMAO! Thanks, I NEEDED that! :)
Becky "Gypsy Jr." Mroczkowski
+-------------------------------------------+
MSTie #67,948 Al-Team #512
SACC #512 - Resident Fan Artist
Art: http://capacitor.tachyonsix.com/uid.php?=9
Weblog: http://www.livejournal.com/~gypsyjr
Darth Kirby
> *high fives Kirby*
>
> LMAO! Thanks, I NEEDED that! :)
Any time, .net hubby. :-)
Darth Kirby
Glad someone enjoyed it.
Mecha-Man
-Fory, The Mysterious Lurker
"But who here hasn't wished that they could fix politics simply by jumping in a
giant mecha and going to Washington?"
Freezer
> Tom: Hey, a very special cameo from Evil Killer Death Spybot 5000!
Anyone who can MST during a time like this *AND* slip in an
Adventurers ref is OK in my book!
--
(Good stuff all around!)
-_--_- ___ -_--_-
F R E E Z E R \ /-^___^-\ / R E Z E E R F
--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--| O | ||||| | O |--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--
| www.dccmm.com/dccmm | O | ||||| | O |home.midsouth.rr.com/ |
|(Wrestle related ranting)| O| ||||| |O | msfreezer |
| | _| ||||| |_ | (My MSTings site) |
|AIM, Yahoo ID: freezer818| #|-------|# | MSN IM: freezer88 |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Darth Kirby
And I honestly didn't think anyone would notice the ADVENTURERS! ref.
Nice to be proven wrong. :-)
Darth Kirby
Mela SN
> Tom: Oh, a Legend of Zelda crossover!
> Crow: Yeah, we're bombing the Middle East because they stole the
> Triforce.
>SNIP!<
> Crow: This rant has been close minded for the thinking impaired.
Man, I needed that! Thanks, Kirby, that's what any sensible person
right now needed.
Mela SN
-------
Info Club #95389
Hmmm... Can't think of a quote. Sorry, folks.