Movie Review: Kung Fu Panda
JMShearer
posting for the longest time. Anyway, I saw the note on Love Guru (to
which all I can really say is who's surprised that it outstinks a
mountain of week-old diarrhea?) and deicded to post a review of a
movie that may actually counter some of that stink. Here's my flyby
of DreamWorks' Kung Fu Panda.
=====================================================================
Kung Fu Panda or How I Watched The Whole Star Wars Saga In An Hour and
a Half
A Movie Review by Jesse Shearer, Also Known As JMShearer
Well, folks, I began my summer movie experience with DreamWorks
Animation’s Kung Fu Panda, which I feel was, in and of itself, a good
choice. Granted, it was a story that, at this point in my life, I’d
already seen a time or two. But hey, when you’re going on thirty-one
years old and have been going to movies for probably twenty-nine of
those years, that’s to be expected. Just be warned, spoilers ahead,
especially if you haven’t yet seen the Star Wars movies.
It should be noted that this, as primarily a children’s movie, uses
anthropomorphic animals, or furries, if you will, as its main
characters. Love them or hate them, that’s the nature of the movie.
Personally, that was the big selling point of the movie for me, and a
topic that I’ll come back to later on. If furries are the sort of
thing that puts you off, well, now you know in advance, and can avoid
wasting the money on this particular piece of cinema.
So, Kung Fu Panda, then. Basically, this movie follows the story of
Po the Panda, a lard-assed fellow, something like a furry version of
myself, as he goes from noodle-stand boy to greatest warrior in the
world. Along the way we meet his allies, Masters Shifu and Oogway
(Qui-Gon Ginn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Yoda), Mantis, Monkey, Tigress,
Viper, and Crane (the Jedi Counsel), and the villainous Tai Lung
(Darth Vader). At first, Oogway the Tortoise is the only one who has
faith in Po’s young Skywalker ways. The others see training the panda
in the ways of Kung Fu a waste of time until Tai Lung breaks out of
his supposedly inescapable prison.
It’s rather obvious that the snow leopard that is Tai Lung is intended
to be a pull towards his Star Wars counterpart, as he escapes from his
tomblike cell at the bottom Chom Char Prison, or as I called it in the
theater, Charlock Castle. Turns out that Shifu actually brought Tai
Lung up and trained him in the ways of the Force… er, Kung Fu, that
is, until the student went nuts with power and had to be locked away,
deep under a mountain. Twenty years or so go by, and our villain
breaks out to seek revenge.
The Jedi Counsel, in the form of the Furious (and Furry) Five, rushes
off to delay the Vader-like bad guy while Po fulfils his destiny and
becomes a decent impersonation of Luke Skywalker. Eventually, this
must lead up to the final battle, and so it does.
The moral of the story is that each and every one of us is special in
some way, so long as we believe that we are. So shall we believe and
so shall we all have power. There is no secret beyond this. And Po
kills, I think, Tai Lung with what appears to be a pinky slap to the
thumb. Don’t ask, I’m not quite sure myself. All I know for sure is
that two digits touch, there’s one hell of an explosion, and we never
see the bad guys again.
When the credits roll, Kung Fu Panda is essentially a summarization of
the six Star Wars movies in an hour and a half, done with furries.
Sure, I went in pretty much knowing what I was getting into. The
thing I was going for was to see how well they pulled it off, and
quite frankly, I think DreamWorks did a good job of it. I got to see
a good story that was well-produced and decently written. I got to
see furries summarizing Star Wars in a way that kept it entertaining.
I got to see furries in a movie, which is what made the fact that it
was so much like Star Wars bearable for me. And most importantly, I
got my flabby white ass out of my apartment for a couple hours.
Mission accomplished, and May the Force Be With You.
Final Analysis: If you’ve got kids; are a kid in some way, shape or
form; happen to have a couple hours to kill; or some combination
thereof, this is definitely a good movie to go see.
Technicals:
Starring:
Jack Black
Jackie Chan
Dustin Hoffman
Angelina Jolie
Runtime: 92 minutes
Rated PG
Funstuff:
Favorite Quote: None
Favorite Scene: None
Favorite Music: None
Favorite Character: Master Tigress.
Joseph Nebus
>Hey, folks. I'm still around, checking in every now and then, but not
>posting for the longest time. Anyway, I saw the note on Love Guru (to
>which all I can really say is who's surprised that it outstinks a
>mountain of week-old diarrhea?) and deicded to post a review of a
>movie that may actually counter some of that stink. Here's my flyby
>of DreamWorks' Kung Fu Panda.
Oh, I'm glad you're still around and checking in. I'm working
on a big surprise so don't worry about that thing sneaking up on folks.
Thank you for the review, and I'm afraid I don't have the time just now
to post an intelligent follow-up, but I'm sure I'll figure something in
time.
--
Joseph Nebus
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
George Johnson
news:28148895-f88d-443a...@f63g2000hsf.googlegroups.com...
| Hey, folks. I'm still around, checking in every now and then, but not
| posting for the longest time. Anyway, I saw the note on Love Guru (to
| which all I can really say is who's surprised that it outstinks a
| mountain of week-old diarrhea?) and deicded to post a review of a
| movie that may actually counter some of that stink. Here's my flyby
| of DreamWorks' Kung Fu Panda.
|
| ======================================================
I did see WALL*E and it was pretty great.
It reminded me of the classic Disney stuff.
Watched "The Hulk" (#2). It wasn't bad.
Was kind of 50/50 on seeing "Ku Fu Panda". Haven't seen it yet.
Was going to see "Hancock" (big fanboy of Superhero movies), but I found
out it was made by SONY (I don't purchase anything at all from them since
they started rootkitting their products) and then found out the rumors of
Will Smith's Scientology ties were legit (not keen on supporting the evil
mind-control cults).