How Zahn could fix this mess!
Sean Fallesen
It seems that most people agree that the quality of SW books has
been in a continuous nose-dive since the end of Zahn's trilogy. I know
that there are those who disagree. Let me warn you now: this posting is
not for you!!! Rather, this is for those who feel that Zahn, in his next
book, should negate the out-of-character, off-the-mark, inconsistant,
character-assassinating, and totally un-Star Wars "novels" that came
after The Last Command.
The following scenario is, admittedly, a done-to-death writing
convention that has been used in just about every sit-com, soap opera,
cartoon, and Star Trek series. Yes, it is the dreaded, "It was all a
dream" explanation. However, as every author buries our heroes deeper
and deeper in inconsistancies and out-of-character actions, it seems to
be the best, if not the only, way to redeem them. "Desperate times
call for desperate measures," and these are desperate times. "It is a
dark time for the rebellion..." and all that. Besides, mr. Zahn would be
erasing the messes that other writers have created, not his own.
My suggestion: Mr. Zahn should make this "dream" explanation into
his second chapter. Why, you might ask, not denounce everything else
right off the bat? Why wait for chapter two? Simple: Chapter 1 is
reserved for the Empire. So far, Zahn is the only one who has caught on
that all the Star Wars movies start with a Star Destroyer. It may not be
the first thing on the screen, but the first scene ALWAYS includes one.
I would assume that his first chapter would consist mainly of Captain
Pellaeon getting the fleet ready to move in for the final campaign. And now:
CHAPTER TWO
Luke's breathing got heavier and faster until he suddenly snapped
up and swatted the light on. "Callista! No!" he shouted, not quite out
of his dream. Beside him, Mara stirred and mumbled, "Huh? What?" Luke,
now fully awake, realized aloud, "It was a dream." The drowsy Mara
replied, "Uh...What dream?" Luke started, "It was horrible. I fell to the
Dark Side, and..." Mara interrupted, "So what? You always have that
nightmare . Now go back to sleep. It's 3:00 in the morning." "But it
seemed so real," Luke continued. "All of a sudden, there I was, in the
middle of Imperial City. The Imperials had taken over the planet, and
I crashed a Star Destroyer on it." "So you dreamed that Thrawn came back for
vengance and managed to take over Coruscant. Big deal. I hear that most
of the military planners have the same nightmare. It's nothing new. Who
in their right mind would give you command of a Star Destroyer, even in a
dream, is beyond me. Now turn off the light and go to sleep," Mara
said, pulling her pillow over her head. "But it wasn't the Grand
Admiral. It was just some Imperial factions," he explained. "Uh huh,
sure. And how did they manage that?" came Mara's voice from under the
pillow. "I don't know," he replied. "They were just...there. And
then I found out that the Emperor had returned, and then..." At the
mention of her former master, Mara sat up, and said, "You must have been
probing my mind in your sleep. I have that dream all the time." "You
do?" Luke said, quite surprised. "Yeah," she said. "The Emperor comes
back and wants to know why I married you instead of killed you." "What
do you tell him?" "Actually, before I can answer, I'm usually helping
you and Vader hack him up. Anyway, good night!" She crashed down into
her pillow again. "Well, I haven't been probing your mind in my sleep,"
he replied. In my dream, the Emperor came back into a clone of
himself. Then he invited me to join the Dark Side, and I just went along."
"And why did you do that?" said the increasingly tired voice of his
wife. "I don't know..." Luke said. "I just...did. But Leia helped me
out of it and we killed the Emperor again." "Good for you. Now go to
sleep." "But there's more. He came back again a few months later. Sort
of like one of those bad chain ads on the holonet. And he was blowing up
planets again." Mara, now quite annoyed, replied, "Well, don't worry
about him coming back. He's dead. And even if he did come back, I would
be the first to know. Now shut off that light. I've heard enough about
the Emperor for tonight - or this morning - or whatever this is." "But
there's more," Luke insisted. "I started a Jedi academy." "Don't tell
me, let me guess...on Dagobah?" came the pillow-muffled voice. "No. On
Yavin 4. And there was this 4,000 year old Sith lord that tried to
possess my students." "Trying to possess your students, huh? Why didn't
you just leave?" "I don't know," Luke replied. "Even after he almost
killed me, I still stayed there." Mara, now realizing that she would not
get to sleep until Luke was done, sat up and asked, "So this is when I
come in and destroy the ghost that tried to kill you, right?" "Actually,
no. You didn't even know it had happened. And what's even more
bizzarre, neither did Leia." "You're right. That is strange. Why
didn't we know?" "I don't know," Luke replied again. "At the same time,
there was this ship that could destroy stars." "A super Death Star,
right?" "No," Luke said. A fighter sized ship that could fire a torpedo
and was indestructible. In fact, Han was flying it while being chased by
four Star Destroyers, and they couldn't destroy it. He actually ran it
through one of them as a diversion to get to hyperspace. Destroyed the
Destroyer, but Han came out just fine." "So," Mara asked,"if Han could
run it through one of the Star Destroyers that was chasing him, why
didn't he just run it through the rest of them and be done with them
all?" "I don't know," Luke said. "Anyway, the thing eventually got sucked
into a black hole, along with the prototype Death Star." "Don't tell me
the Death Star came back again, too?" "No," Luke replied, "it was the
prototype Death Star." "Luke, you yourself blew up the prototype a long
time ago. What, do you think the Emperor would have built a prototype
planet smashing Super-Laser and then just left it in storage?" "You're
right. What a strange dream." Mara was about to tell Luke to shut the
lights off again when she noticed the handeled mug with a strange brown
liquid in it sitting on the night stand on Luke's side of the bed. "You've
been drinking one of Lando exotic concoctions again, haven't you? How
many times have I warned you not to drink that hot chocolate stuff late
at night?" "Funny you should mention Lando. He was in my dream, too."
"As strange as this dream is, I guess he must have gotten a real money
making enterprise going - and kept it. Right?" "Well, it was a strange
dream - but not THAT strange. Actually, he was hitting up on you."
Mara laughed out loud. "You know, I wish he would. Just to see the
look on his face when I turn him down. Must've been fun to watch in
that dream." "Actually, no. In the dream, you took him up on it.
You took to living with him and wearing his clothes." "I did
WHAT!? You have GOT to be kidding. There's no way I'd let Lando...
I'd never... I'd sooner take my lightsaber and cut him in half!"
"Actually, I don't think you had that lightsaber in my dream. At least,
I never saw it." "Please, Luke. Tell me YOU cut him in half! Tell
me that YOU saved me from that fate worse than death. That's almost
as bad as if C'baoth got me. If you didn't kill him, at least tell
me that you put ME out of my misery!" "Sorry. I didn't." "Why
not!?" "I don't know," Luke said again. "I didn't seem to care. It
was terrible. I felt like I was nobody for a while. I had no
emotions when Lando was hitting on you, and then once you were
intimate, I didn't care. About you, that is. I still cared about
Han, Leia, and their kids. Their kids were kidnapped at one point in
my dream." Mara, more than a little angry about Luke's dream,
nevertheless questioned this new information. "You mean to tell me
that someone actually got through the Noghri? Or did Leia actually
manage to get the Noghri to stop surrounding her and the kids in your
dream?" As she said this, she got a strange feeling that something was
amiss. "Mahk?" she said in no particular direction. The door slid open
and a Noghri bodyguard appeared with a wicked looking knife in his hand.
"What is wrong, Consort of the Son of Vader?" he said in a gravelly
voice. "Nothing," Mara said. "Just checking to see if you were hiding
under the bed again. Just last week I caught one of you under there."
"We are here to protect the Son of Vader. The bed presents an excellent
hiding space to ambush those who would harm him. I shall talk to the
others about this. Is there anything else?" Mara shook her head. "No.
I'm sorry about bothering you." "Sleep well, Consort of the Son of
Vader." The door slid shut behind the Noghri. "Why does he still call
me 'Consort'? I don't know how many times I've told him to stop it."
"We tried to work something out, remember?" Luke pointed out. "That's
right. It's just that it works a lot better for Han. I mean, 'Mara clan
Skywalker' just doesn't sound as good as 'Han clan Solo'. Even 'Mara
clan Jade' doesn't sound right. But Now, back to this dream." "Well,
there weren't any Noghri in my dream. Strange. I see them
often enough. Anyway, at this other part of the dream, I was aboard
some enormous ship that was taking aliens and turning them into
Stormtroopers. There were even these Basic-speaking Gamorreans that
thought they were stormtroopers." "You're right, it is a strange
dream. Talking Gamorreans. They must have looked funny in
Stormtrooper armor, though." "They sure did. Then there was this
ghost Jedi." Mara groaned. "Another one?" "Not a Sith Lord," Luke
said. "She had given her life to stop the ship, and her spirit was
stuck in it. She came back to life in a leggy blonde student of mine
and we fell in love..." "So THAT's what this is all about. You've
been fantasizing about some other woman. I told you that your
farm-boy honesty was going to get you into trouble some day. This
elaborate lie, just to cover it up, and you give it away anyway. And
trying to accuse me of being involved with Lando. Some noble Jedi you
are." Luke didn't need the Force to know that he was in trouble. "It
was just a dream! I couldn't help it! It just happened!" "No, you
usually dream about things that you have seen before and thought
about. You probably saw this girl somewhere and regretted that I'm
not a blonde. I'm too tired to discuss this now, but tomorrow
morning, we'll have a long discussion about this." Luke got a face
full of Mara's long red-gold hair as she leaned over him to turn off
the lights. "But Mara, I didn't mean..." "Go to sleep. Don't talk
to me again tonight. Good night." Mara turned her head away from her
husband and ran through some Jedi relaxation techniques that he had
taught her.
With this, Luke lay back down, but couldn't sleep. The dream
seemed so real. He lay awake trying to figure out what it all ment,
whether there was any sense to be made out of the jumble of episodes
that had tormented his rest. After about 20 minutes, a new thought
dawned on him. He sat up and snapped on the lights again.
"Uhhh...What is it now?" asked Mara, feeling quite annoyed at
being awakened again. "I've got it! I know what it is!" Luke said
triumphantly. "It was a Jedi vision! That explains why I've never
seen some of those people before. That's why my emotions were mixed
up." "Are you saying that all those things are going to happen in
the future? Well, don't worry, 'cause they won't. I don't have
much confidence in Jedi visions of the future. Or is this just
your way of trying to get out of the trouble you're in? Are you
just making up another excuse for your fantasies?" "No, I'm not!"
Luke defended. "Besides, it didn't seem like the future. More like
the past." "But none of that ever happened." "I know," Luke said.
"It must have been an alternate past." "Sure. Alternate pasts.
Luke, you're just digging yourself deeper into trouble." "No,
really!" Luke replied. "I saw one once on Dagobah. I saw that if
Jabba the Hutt had let you come along to the Sarlacc Pit, you would
have succeeded in killing me." "Don't go digging my past up
again. I've put it behind me. You of all people should know
that." "I didn't mean it that way, Mara. I meant that I could
have been seeing what would have happened if something else didn't
happen. I wonder what it was..." "While you're wondering, could I
get some sleep? Please?" "Oh, all right," Luke said as he turned
the lights off.
Luke was too interested in his vision to sleep. He looked to the
Force for insight into the meaning of the vision, hoping to figure
out what could have made the difference. After a half hour of
dead-ends, it suddenly came to him. "I've got it!" he shouted, as
he turned the lights on again. "Uhhh...fine. Now turn off
the lights." "Don't you want to know what it was?" "No, and if
you don't shut up about it, I'll make you sleep on the couch for
the next week. Wait a minute - that's probably what you want,
isn't it? Oh, all right. What was it?" "The lightsaber!" Luke
said, a little too loud for this time of night. "I gave you my
father's lightsaber! That's why all those things never happened!"
he explained excitedly. Mara felt a tremor in the Force
coming from the next room. She groaned, "Oh, no..." and
reached out with the Force. "You're really lucky, you know
that? You were just about to get in even more trouble than
you're already in," Mara said with an obviously softer voice.
"What's wrong?" Luke replied, not quite catching on. "All
your shouting almost woke the kids up. And you know how hard
it is to get them back to sleep. Now keep it down." "Sorry,"
Luke said, much quieter. "Anyway, your interpretation is interesting.
But I doubt that some of those things would have happened anyway. I
seriously doubt that the Emperor would return and you'd meet a 4,000
year old Sith lord if you didn't give me the lightsaber." "You're right," Luke
said. "I guess it must have started as just a dream, and then a
Jedi vision popped up in the middle of it. That might explain why
you didn't show up until later. Well, I guess I could turn off
the lights now." Mara stopped him. "Just a minute. Before you
do that, I want you to tell me something. If this was a vision,
and if some of those things would have happened if you hadn't
given me that lightsaber, are you still glad you did, or do you
wish you didn't?" "Why do you think I would wish I didn't?"
"Well, you seemed to come out of that pretty well. You got your
blonde, and Lando got me. So I want to know if you honestly wish
that it happened." "How could you even think that I would want
that to happen?" Luke said, getting a bit louder. "Shhh!" Mara
wispered. "Maybe because you had no feelings for me in this dream, or
vision, or whatever it was. Or perhaps you wish I looked
different." "Actually, for a while, you did. When you first
showed up, your hair was shorter, and sort of a red-brown color.
Then it turned back." "Get real. That's about as likely as this
whole Lando thing. I don't dye my hair. Why would I do that?" "I
don't..." "Yeah, yeah, you don't know." "Now that you've mentioned
Lando again..." "No! I don't want to hear any more about Lando in your
dream!" Mara said, her voice rising a few decibels. "No, not in my
dream," Luke reassured her. "I think you were right. Maybe it was one
of his concoctions that brought this on. But not the chocolate. I think
it was that bowl of that strange spiced stew. My stomach is a little
upset." "Yeah, those indigestion dreams can get really weird some
times. They never seem to make any sense." "Tell me about it. Nothing
was the least bit logical. I think that dream may have actually made my
indigestion worse. Maybe I can use a Jedi technique to ease the pain,"
Luke said. "Actually, I have a better idea," Mara volunteered. If you
know a Jedi technique to help you forget things, use it. Now, turn off
the light." "Sure," Luke said and flicked the lights off. "I don't
suppose you'd want to hear about a female Imperial admiral that was in my
dream?" "No. Now go to sleep."
It really was a strange, pointless dream, he thought. But there
was a Jedi vision mixed in there. An alternate past could never be
changed, but perhaps there was a lesson in it for the present. Luke
fell asleep contemplating what this could be.
There you have it. A scenario to explain all the unlikely events
that have recently transpired in recent books about the galaxy "Far, far
away." Yes, it does nothing to advance a plot, but then, neither did
the other books. Hope you enjoyed it.
************************************************************************
"You're the Jedi master. You tell me." - Thrawn, The Last Command
*************************************************************************
Grand Admiral Sean
Hojoon Peter Lee
I guess we're just stuck with terrible stories...it's a good
thing that I don't swear on the internet...
Hojoon Lee
Tim Harrod
eaa...@aldebaran.oac.uci.edu writes:
> My suggestion: Mr. Zahn should make this "dream" explanation into
>his second chapter. Why, you might ask, not denounce everything else
Another good way to fix it is have Luke wake up and be on the old Bob Newhart SHow.
IFried
=)
Although I agree with you, and think Zahn's books were the best, I already
got those
insignificant stories into my mind of what happened after Zahn's books.
Leikin Sky
BTW, I agree w/ U about the quality (or lack thereof) of the SW novels
post-Zahn.
Leikin Sky
MaraJade01
your "dream" argument! (I loved it so much, I had to save a copy of it!)
Everything you stated in your "story" was right on the mark! Mara
definitley would have "chopped Lando in half" for hitting on her. And the
fact that NONE of the authors even mention that Mara has Luke's 1st
lightsabre is really ridiculous! I believe that Zahn will "fix this
mess". Perhaps not by using a dream, but he'll most likely ignore
everything. Getting Luke & Mara together may be difficult (after the
other authors screwed it up), but Zahn can do it! BTW, have you voted in
my survey? The question is: Should Luke & Mara end up together, yes or
no? So far it's 45-16 in favor of their union. :-D If I get enough
responses, I'm going to send them to Zahn & George Lucas. Perhaps that
will coax them into resolving this aspect of the "mess".
Again, I LOVED the dream! Please finish it! I can't wait to show it to
my friends. And please vote, too. Just E-mail me with your response!
-MaraJade01 (The one & only Mara!)
MaraJ...@aol.com
Christopher A. Stansfield
: BTW, I agree w/ U about the quality (or lack thereof) of the SW novels
: post-Zahn.
Why in hell does everyyone want Luke to get together with that shrew
Mara? Not to mention it is totally unlikely. She wanted to kill him, and
she worked or his greatest enemy. That kind of stuff is a little hard to
forget.
-Chris
Robert Jason Todd Engel
Vader, and man who had: tryed to kill him, tortured his best
friend, killed his best friend and master, tortured his sister.
Luke seems the forgiving type to me.
trin...@refine.enet.dec.com
Sean wrote a _huge_ post which basically outlined a possible
outline for a Zahn Star Wars book. He wanted to blow all the
other writers out of the water by saying that, well, the
other books were just a dream.
I was rather hoping that something like this would happen,
but much later, and by someone else.
I would like to see the ending of Episode 9 movie, where George
Lucas shows the characters of R2 and 3PO sitting in front of
a group of children. The droids have just finished recounting
their tales, which became to us the Star Wars series. It was
just a bedtime story.
Cheers,
--Jake
trin...@refine.enet.dec.com
Simon H. Lee
>>Why in hell does everyone want Luke to get together with that shrew Mara?
> Not >to mention that it is totally unlikely. She wanted to kill him, and
>she worked for >his greatest enemy. That kind of stuff is a little hard
>to forget.
>>Chris
>Well, Chris. Have you read the last chapter of the Last Command? Luke
>accepts her redemption (her helping to save him by killing the clone
>Luuke) and says she was "on her way to becoming a Jedi". He gave her his
>1st lightsaber. I don't think he feels she's an enemy at this point. Why
>should you?
>-Mara
>MaraJ...@aol.com
Remembering the lightsaber bit, I'm dearly hoping that Allen doesn't screw
up Mara's character any more than he apparently already has, with the
"Starfleet Captain" syndrome...Though he hasn't done nearly as much damage
as, say, Anderson.
I disagree with those who say Mara's character is thin (in Zahn). She, like
Luke in the movies, has to go through a period of self-discovery, and though
it might seem a bit inevitable to some, it was done well.
Remember, only YOU can save your own characterizations...
--
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MaraJade01
ISJREP
>Lucas shows the characters of R2 and 3PO sitting in front of
>a group of children. The droids have just finished recounting
>their tales, which became to us the Star Wars series. It was
>just a bedtime story.
Jake, I must say you've been watching St. Elsewere reruns again!
=^)
Arik Hesseldahl
ISJ...@aol.co,
ARTHUR REAM
: >I would like to see the ending of Episode 9 movie, where George
: >Lucas shows the characters of R2 and 3PO sitting in front of
: >a group of children. The droids have just finished recounting
: >their tales, which became to us the Star Wars series. It was
: >just a bedtime story.
Bedtime story? I think you are on the right track. I don't care for
the 'it was just a dream' idea. This is what I think...
Since SW happened a long time ago, by now, it has become somewhat of a
legend, like the shootout at the OK corral. What the legend says
isn't anything like what really happened. Everyone in the galaxy has
their own idea about what happened after ROJ. A bunch of people might
be sitting in a bar and one of them say "Did you hear the story about
how Luke Skywalker brought back the Jedi Knights" (Jedi Acadamy) or
the story about the time some guy tried to butt in on Han and Liea
(Courtship) or how about the rediculous story about how the Emporer
came back to life by cloning himself? Since no one knew anything
about Boba Fett, there are bound to be tons of stories about him...
"Yeah, Boba Fett was an ex-stormtrooper"
"No way, Bob, I heard he was a Mandalorian warrior that fought in the
clone wars and killed lots of Jedi"
If the books are thought of as just a bunch of legends about what
happened after ROJ, they don't even have to be continuous. One story
has Luke on Yavin IV training Jedi six years after Endor, another
story has him on the other side of the galaxy at that time.
Art Ream
perfecting the arts...