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[Sith War 9] Darths Malling

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Rainbow Heron

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Mar 8, 2002, 1:09:28 AM3/8/02
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Okokok so we're not Darths, but it's still a *Sith* War...

===Part One: Take Me Out To the Mall 'Gain===

"One, Two Three- HEAVE!!!"

With a collective grunt, Alice and all of the Pokemon lifted the front
end of the security van, and dumped the snoozing members of N'Sync
into a really really deep pit down in the deep recesses of the Shaven
Wookie Snowfortress.

But no sooner had they closed and locked the hatch, than the Pokemon
decided to celebrate by going out to a large lunch at the RASSM Mall.
After about 15 minutes of incessant chants of"
Iwannagocanwego?Iwannagocanwego?" and "Mall!Mall!Mall!Mall!", Alice
bent under the pressure.

Hawkins and the others declined to go, citing that it would soon be
time for the "Spoiled and Excited Clueless Newbie Influx" that was
expected soon. And the fact that the Shaven Wookies were fiercely
guarding their newly-stocked fridge for the duration meant that Alice
and the Pokemon had to eat out.

"Well I guess we could go check out that new Food Court at they
remodeled."

"YAY!!!!!!!!!" all the Pokemon cheered, like that old alarm clock
Alice used to hate.

===Part Two: Dead Giveaway===

"Hey! Quit hogging the Subway, Sparky!"
"Pikapika-p PIKA PikaCHU!!!!!!!!!!"

Ewanpuff and PeterPika were fighting over the last 6 inches of their
section of 6-foot-long Subway sub sandwich.

Everyone was busy with their food: both playing with it as much as
eating it. Hot ROddish was happily enjoying himself by practicing his
new Ginshu razor leaf methods Alice had been teaching him, Seanpuff
stealthily eyed a strange-looking punk couple by the tattoo parlor,
Ianpuff typed a few figures into his pocket calculator, and Jedichu
was picking out the olives from his portion whenever Alice wasn't
looking up from her newspaper.

Alice smiled to herself as she read, "Well well well, it looks like
the arena made quite a killing off of those ticket sales. The audience
was lliterally looking quite dead."

"What's that Alice?" Jedichu quickly hid an olive behind his back.

"It appears that almost as soon as the sun came up, everybody turned
inexplicably Goth."

"WHAT?!?!?!?!?!" gasped the lot.

"It says here that: 'the sleeping news anchors awoke to the sight of
death, as the angry and penniless mob suddenly decided that Marylin
Manson croooned much better than any AJ or Justin. Instead of turning
to dust a the sight of dawn, they all merely shriveled up and marched
like drunken zombies from the stadium.'"

Hamillpuff liked the visual, "Drunken Zombies, eh? I bet they all
walked around looking like this." He jumped out fromt eh potted plant
that he was climbing around and walked towards PeterPika and Hot
ROddish (the two youngsters) doing his best Frankenstein impression.

"No no no! Like THIS!" Ewanpuff jumped out of his chair and did his
best to look like he was dead and hating it.

Ianpuff and Seanpuff rolled their eyes and shook their heads.
PeterPika and Hot ROddish giggled with glee and both got up from their
seats and began to walk around the food court moaning and groaning in
bloodless apathy.

Alice continued to read the paper, and reached for the completely
uneaten (and unclaimed) extra large fish club sandwich, but Ianpuff
cautioned her, "Uh, you *do* know that's stale by now right?"

"Why in the hell it takes you guys 5 and a half hours to finish a meal
everytime we eat out is beyond me!" Alice pulled her feet from off the
table and stretched, and started to gather what was left of the group
up when a few customers in the back began to scream.

"C'mon guys, leave those patrons alone!"

Hamillpuff called back (still doing his undead impression), "But
A-a-a-aliiiiiice weeeeeeere oveeeeeeeeeer heeeeeeeeeeereeeeeeee."

Sure enough they were right back by her feet by now. So what was all
that screaming?

===Part Three: A Mall Maulling===

She damn near screamed herself as several shots rang out in their
general vicinity. Dozens upon dozens of little drones had positioned
themselves along the entire perimeter of the Food Court.

Little red bolts of laser fire soon dotted the atmosphere as more
droids of some kind swooped into the area and opened fire on Alice's
Pokemon.

"Attack Formation!!!" She screamed. Each Pokemon took a couple of
droids.

The 4 Jigglypuffs each got the attention of two or more of the
seekers, and once the seekers were 100% focues on *them*, they began
to run around and almost into the walls (all the while dodging blaster
bolts), hoping to crash the little buggers. Sadly, they only managed
to crash maybe 3 of them.

Realizing they were introuble, the Jigglypuffs each took cover behind
some greenery and climb the support columns under the cover. When they
reached a higher altitude than the seekers, they each jumped down in
an attempt to land on one, and do the same as earlier.

Seanpuff and Ianpuff succeeded in landing on two of the larger
seekers, but Hamillpuff landed on the floor (and recovered in record
time as 4 seekers chased him up), and Ewanpuff managed to grip the
edge of one and hold on.

The seekers zipped all over trying to shake the little pink balloonish
critters off, but because they were programmed to shoot Pokemon and
little else, the only thing they managed to do, was chase down the
three Jigglypuff-ridden seekers and blast them to bits just as the
Jigglypuffs jumped off.

PeterPika and Hamillpuff were trying something similar along the
ground. PeterPika used his agility skills to run around the food
court, and was able to dodge almost every laser bolt. When a few bolts
grazed his tail, he let out a large thundershock to try to zap them
down, but to little avail. After he got a few of them to smack into
the walls, Hamillpuff pounded them out of comission as soon as they
landed.

Jedichu and Alice were busy with their lightsabers. For some reason,
the seekers never once shot at Alice, giving her all the time and
safety she needed to slice 'em up like bread. It also gave her plenty
of time to instruct Hot ROddish in his razor leaf attacks (which were
working perfectly) against the seekers following him.

Jedichu was braving the fight extremely well, but whenever he tried to
zap the seekers, he too was relatively unsucessful. He and PeterPika
even tried a large combined thundershock attack and *still* it didn't
help.

Then all of a sudden, all of the seeker drones stopped firing and
backed off a little. The Pokemon knew that meant phase 2 was coming,
but they didn't know how bad it would be. Jedichu and Alice sensed
them coming. 2 droidekas were rolling from either side of the mall
towards them.

This was going to be bad. VERY bad.

"Jigglypuffs, return!" Alice whipped out 4 Pokeballs and 3 of the 4
Jigglypuffs disappeared in a flash or red. Ewanpuff hates Pokeballs
and under normal circumstances he'd be able to get away with staying
out. But since Alice didn't have time to hassle with him, she had
PeterPika hold hin still as she put into his Pokeball. She attached
the Pokeballs to her belt just as the 2 droidekas unfolded.

===Part Four: "They Win This Round"===

2 Pikachus, and Oddish, and a Human against 2 droidekas. It *should*
have been an easy win. And it was. For the droidekas.

Jedichu hadn't encountered this kind before and was unsure of their
shielding. Both he and PeterPika tried another joint electroshock
attack (which sent out one hell of a blast) but it bounced harmlessly
off the shields of the droidekas.

"Save it boys. They got us." Alice let her stance relax. Hot ROddish
got scared. "Oddish. Oddish oddi-"

"I said, put down your arms. They win this round."

Alice and Jedichu both put away their lightsabers as PeterPika and Hot
ROddish put their hands and leaves in the air.

Not surprisingly, The Jedi Hacker rounded the corner just as 4 more
droidekas came up to the group, each aiming their blasters -but not
firing- at the surrendered Pokemon.

The sight of the Hacker made Alice damn near burst out laughing: he
was dressed in 'chain maile' from head to toe, which made a
ridiulously hollow metallic sound as he stomped thru the mall. He
stopped to survey the damage and give the Pokemon a contemptuous look.
He assumed the Jigglypuffs were dead as they were nowhere in sight.

PeterPika and Hot ROddish nearly cried as they watched The Jedi Hacker
walk past them towards Alice. She had her face to the ground and was
doing her damnedest to keep a straight face. They could see her face
from way down there and began to get the giggles as well.

Alice made a failed attempt to look serious in shushing them but it
made her condition worse. The Jedi Hacker (poor guy) mistook her for
being pleased with him as she bit her lips and looked up at him.

He gave her a smile and then turned towards Jedichu, the Jedi Pikachu:
"At last, we meet."

===Part Five: Join the Club===

Jedichu looked at him defeatedly, but with the candor of Master Yoda,
"We meet indeed." The Jedi Hacker seemed a little surprised to find
that his prey could talk. Even moreso that he sounded exactly like
James Mason.

"Well done young Jedi, you have defeated us." Jedichu looked sadly at
Alice, who had regained her composure by now. He then fell to his
knees and began to cry. "But I don't see what your problem is, Jedi
Hacker!!!"

Hacker was about to say something when Alice interrupted him, "Yes,
what IS your problem anyway?"

The Jedi Hacker seemed to forget the talking Pikachu for a minute as
he soaked in the moment- his lady spoke to him. He walked closer to
her and the closer he came, the closer she came to busting out
laughing again.

She thought she'd burst at any moment. "Aren't you a little short for
a stormtrooper in shining armor?" she managed.

The Jedi Hacker did his best to look gailiant (which made her snicker
harder) "I'm here to rescue you from these vile agents of Hawkins."

She was genuinely surprised that he still didn't get it after all of
this, but it still made her laugh. She decided to go with it as long
as she could while she still had the Hacker's attention, "Oh really?"

The unintended timing of her smile was perfect. Ianpuff would have
loved to see this.

The Jedi Hacker went to put his arm around her, but she backed up just
a little bit. "Come with me my-" "Oh I think I quite like it here."

"Right here? Gee," The Jedi Hacker squirmed. "I didn't think you were
that type of a girl."

Alice laugh/smiled again. It couldn't possibly be this easy. He
couldn't see that she was trying to tell him off again, and he'd cut
her off midsentense too. "Well you don't know me very well do you."
She bit her lip, took another step back towards the table, and put her
hand behind her.

She was sure he said something quite knight-in-shining-armor-like jut
then but she missed it. She was concentrating on something. Hacker was
making gestures like he had conquered the universe and was going to
take her away with him. "-and so my dear, will you come with me now?"

"No never, we were meant to be together."

PeterPika pretended to throw up, but gave it up when a droidekas
clicked its gun at him.

"What if I told you I didn't wanna go with you?" She asked very
straight-faced, humor and smile gone. His apperance may have been a
royal joke, but this was no longer a laughing matter.

The Jedi Hacker looked at her very sadly and said, "What have they
*done* to you my dear? They've brainwashed you. Damn those hairless
overgrown Ewoks!!!!!"

Alice continued to reach for something behind her- and found it. She
looked the Jedi Hacker straight in the eye and said point-blank: "I'm
not brainwashed. You are. I'm not interested in you."

Hacker, still lost in his fantasies, didn't seem to hear her, and
Alice had lost patience with the whole thing by now. He was so close
now that she wished he'd at least brushed his teeth or chewed a
Dentine Ice or something.

She used her Jedi instincts to try and drive the point him to him: "I
said I'm NOT interested in you Mr. Hacker! You almost cost me my honor
and I don't appreciate that! And neither do my Pokemon!"

Jedichu had been his own Jedi instincts to drive his own point home.
While he sat kneeling on the floor pretending to cry, he had been
stretching out with the PokeForce to the inner workings of the
droidekas. Studying their inner workings and finding their batteries,
he called on the PokeForce and his natural electric abilities to
overload them and the circuitry- causing them to explode.

At the last instant, Alice hit the Jedi Hacker across the face DAMN
hard with the thing she had found behind her -the extremely stale,
totally uneaten, and dried-out-by-blaster-bolts fish club sandwich. It
knocked him out, and dented his armor juuuuuuust enough to cause a
small hole or two.

Alice jumped behind the table in time to dodge the explosion. As the
smoke cleared, she saw the food court in ruins, the Jedi Hacker
totally knocked out, and her last 3 Pokemon alive and well and hiding
behind a supporting column...which was close to collapse.

===Part Six: Mall Rats===

"RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Alice scooped up the two youngest Pokemon and ran with Jedichu towards
the opposite end of the mall, with the last 2 droidekas hot on their
heels. Jedichu ignited his saber and chopped down a nearby indoor
tree, which fell right in front of the 2 droidekas and bought our
heroes an extra 6 seconds.

"Alice," Jedichu said as they huffed and puffed down the length of the
mall.

"Yes?"

"I really hate the mall you know. I just wanted you to know I'm *not*
having a blast."

Behind them, a loud and thunderous sound roared thru ad shook the
mall. The last column at the Food Court had collapsed. "I hope he got
out in time," Alice said as they ran. "I don't like killing people.
Nasty job."

PeterPika called from her arm and pointed to the Petco outlet up
ahead. They ducked in to catch their breaths. As they panted and
fanned themselves, Hot ROddish noticed that the nearby rack was
stocked full. "ODDISH!!!!"

Back at the demolished Food Court, the Jedi Hacker picked himself up
from the rubble and wobbled a few times. His armor had been dented and
broken in a few places. He also felt the pains of being hit on the
head, and electrically shocked. He picked up a piece of exploded
droidekas and let out a cry.

Just as he was done with his 1138th cursing of Hawkins and his minons,
he noticed hundreds of little wind-up mice and rats rolling their way
towards him. On top of one of them was a small holoprojector, with a
little Post-it note that said "Play Me".

He pushed the button and up popped an image of Alice. Here's what the
message said:

"Mr. Hacker, I do not know what your problem is, but I do know this: I
am not, nor have I ever been, interested in you. You dishonored me at
the Snowball Fight of the Wookie Snowfortress, and my Pokemon defended
me. I later reprogrammed you myself as your punishement. Whatever
feelings you think you have for me, I cannot vouch for, as they are
your own problem. But if you *do* have any *respect* for me
whatsoever, you will leave me and mine alone. The Pokemon belong to
me, not to Hawkins, and if you ever so much as try to lay a blaster
bolt or mistyped word on them again, you'll be very very sorry."

She appeared very calm, cool, collect, and damn serious, if not out of
breath in the projection. Hacker turned it over in his hands a few
times and thought it over.

Outside in the parking lot, Alice and the Pokemon made it back to the
Jump-DMC. She let everyone out of their Pokeballs so they could at
least see the outside damage done to the food court. After another
small round of congratulations, Alice laid down a stern new rule: "IF
we ever go to a mall again, I'm NOT shelling out $50 for lunch
..unless we keep at least one uneaten and VERY stale fish club
sandwich around."

============
SUMMARY:

-Alice and Pokemon know about the Goth attack and have a little fun
with the visual
-Alice and The Jedi Hacker meet face to face again
-Jedichu and Alice are good at amateur acting, but Hacker is terrible
at learning how to recognize rejection
-Jedichu found a way to destroy the droidekas
-Alice sent Hacker a holo telling him everything point-blank
-the Food Court at the mall has been totally destroyed
-there are hundreds of wind-up mice and rats running around loose
============

Whew! Well, Hack?

-Rainbow Heron
(sig wonders what happened to the sandwich)

Hey, where are the other sides in the Sith War these days anyway?
==========================================
http://web.infoave.net/~rkanderson/rassm/swc.htm
Rainbow Heron's Sith War Characters Page
==========================================
Who needs kids when you've got Pokémon?!

Rainbow Heron

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Mar 8, 2002, 1:22:58 AM3/8/02
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On Fri, 08 Mar 2002 06:09:28 GMT, rainbo...@ftc-i.net (Rainbow
Heron) wrote:

AW CRAP!!! I edited out one too many lines, here's the correction:

>She was sure he said something quite knight-in-shining-armor-like jut
>then but she missed it. She was concentrating on something. Hacker was
>making gestures like he had conquered the universe and was going to
>take her away with him. "-and so my dear, will you come with me now?"

She hadn't been paying attention and tried to fudge an answer by
asking questions. "So you just can't leave me alone can you?"

>"No never, we were meant to be together."
>
>PeterPika pretended to throw up, but gave it up when a droidekas
>clicked its gun at him.

-Rainbow Heron
(sig hit RH really damn hard with the typo stick- you missed it)

Note to self: Don't edit in bulk.

Peter Hanely

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Mar 11, 2002, 5:52:07 AM3/11/02
to
Rainbow Heron wrote:

>
>SUMMARY:
>
>-Alice and Pokemon know about the Goth attack and have a little fun
>with the visual
>-Alice and The Jedi Hacker meet face to face again
>-Jedichu and Alice are good at amateur acting, but Hacker is terrible
>at learning how to recognize rejection
>-Jedichu found a way to destroy the droidekas
>-Alice sent Hacker a holo telling him everything point-blank
>-the Food Court at the mall has been totally destroyed
>-there are hundreds of wind-up mice and rats running around loose
>============
>
>Whew! Well, Hack?
>
>-Rainbow Heron
>

Blunt trauma is hardly a recognised treatment for amnesia, but sometimes
it happens to
work. This was one of those times. Viewing the holo images, memories
came flooding
back. He knew now, Alice had been behind the messing of his mind. Next
time, she'd
be a target. And his 'reprogramming' chamber would finaly find use.

More immediately, he needed to be dug out of the debree, and head to the
shop for a
patch up.

--
The Jedi Hacker
"A Jedi uses the code for queries and filters, never for cracks."
http://www.calweb.com/~hanelyp/SW/Chateau_des_Ordinateurs.html


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