[Sith War 9] The Noise, The Plan, The Wrong Alice, and The ANSWER!
Rainbow Heron
FINALLY!
===Part One: *What* Ultimatum?===
N'Sync was coming to RASSM and they were letting everyone know it in a
big way. Every single music video channel had been showing their
videos non-stop. The music stores had been running "deals" on N'Sync
albums. RNN and the other news networks were doing in-depth stories on
the members and they did their biographies every day at lunchtime.
Hell, even the ice cream trucks had replaced their charming little
music-box music with "Bye Bye Bye"!
The N'Sync monopoly on the television and radio had been so nauseating
that every single screen -computer and tube- and radio -music and
otherwise- in the Shaven Wookie Snowfortress had been shut off and
unplugged for the duration, which was now going on 3 weeks and was
extremely taxing on everyone's entertainment urges and communication
capabilities.
They got *some* relief when someone in the neighborhood was obviously
suffering from the same ailment and had started playing classical
music at full blast. Alice and the Pokemon didn't mind- they like
classical music. Such a shame the same couldn't be said for most of
the others.
But still, it gave them all the more time to do research: research on
N'Sync and other boy bands. Research that could prove useful in their
grand attack to prevent boy bands from taking over the known universe.
Alice and her Pokemon were defending their share of the music scene,
Hawkins and the Shaven Wookies were defending the purity of Star Wars,
and Skuzz and Miller were defending their rights to shoot and kidnap
people while listening to all the hard rock, funk, and glam metal they
possibly could.
As a result, it was rather loud inside the Snowfortress (especially
after that classical music started playing), but at least it kept them
in the right mindset of preparing for war.
It also meant that they never got the ultimatum The Jedi Hacker was
desperately trying to send to them. The closet anyone got to hearing
it was when Seanpuff and PeterPika were testing the comlink channels
to make sure the lower-band airwaves also hadn't gone teenybopper, and
they picked up something that sounded like "releash the ice". They
took it seriously and had fitted the fortress with an extra layer of
ice for good measure and bought a few high-grade Arctic Ice Super
Soakers.
===Part Two: I'm Not A Fan, Not Yet A Groupie===
With the big deal the media was making about the free impromptu N'Sync
concert, that meant security was going to be tight. But since it was
all thrown together at the last minute, that meant that the RASSM City
Police Department were all completely tied up with mobs of pre- and
just-recenlty pubescent girls at the spaceport who were all eagerly
awaiting the arrival of the N'Sync space cube.
In absence of the police department, and with the trade of a few vhs
tapes, Hawkins had managed to get himself and the Shaven Wookies hired
to be the security force for the concert. They'd have total freedom
and all access to everywhere except the ship. The idea was to capture
them during the concert, ransom them, and reprogram them with the
all-new Personality Reprogrammer 5000...a procedure the Shaven Wookies
had contrived and perfected over the past 3 weeks using a gas siphon,
a feather boa, a book of Vogon poetry, and a kitchen sink. The results
they'd gotten from using a swarm of oblivious gnats and a corn
oil-logged foam doll of Spongebob Squarepants as test subjects proved
to be extraordinarily promising.
The only part of the plan Alice didn't like was that she was going to
be the bait, and that meant wearing the Britney Spears costume. She
stepped out of the security van with a major scowl on her face.
"I hate this damned thing! No one should have to wear this unless they
just WANT to be squeezed to death!" While Alice had a great figure,
she didn't exactly fit into Britney's size or styles. "I LIKE having
the blood run thru my veins! I can barely breathe in this thing! And
why the hell isn't there a second strap on this thing?! I prefer to
keep my clothes ON thankyouverymuch!!!!!"
"What? Don't you wear a size zero or tube tops?" Miller sarcasticly
remarked, approving of the outfit.
"NO-O! I don't DO the slut look!!!" Alice fidgited at the
uncomfortable costume that bore only a passing resemblence to
Britney's "Slave" outfit...but a lot less revealing. Alice had
threatened to use a one of the Wookie's razors if he didn't add a
little more cloth to the outfit. He later gave up razors for Nads and
Ianpuff had had to finish the sewing.
"I'm sorry Alice, but I just don't know how to work with this kind of
thing. I'm used to sewing Shakesperean outfits y'know." Ianpuff nursed
a few pricks on his hands which he'd gotten from the sewing needles.
"Why couldn't you have just called home and gotten Wiggly-tough to sew
it like she does for all of our flashy costumes?" Seanpuff got a
little daydreamy at the mention of that name. Ewanpuff started to
tease him about it which led to yet another chase around the room and
ended with knocking down a 12-foot-high pile of empty Nair crates that
were being used to hold up the tent that covered the red carpet.
"Because she's busy with the new recruits right now and the sewing
machine's broken," Alice groaned as she fidgited with the blonde wig.
She and Miller were already at the arena setting up the other snare
devices and making sure that the security was perfectly laxed in all
the correct places. Their prey wouldn't even be at the arena until
about 30 minutes before the show, and even then they'd be with the
press.
The Jigglypuffs were all set and energetically ready for that night.
They'd had a really great vocal practice session that morning and were
ready to exact their revenge on their rivals. Oooooh yeah, they'd make
**D-A-R-N** sure that those baby boy band brats would be taking their
naps tonight! Tonight, they, the Jigglypuff Singers, would be bringin'
da noise!!!
===Part Three: Oh *THAT* Ultimatum!===
Across town, Hawkins, Skuzz, and Jedichu finished loading up the last
security van at the Fortress and headed to the concert arena. All the
way Hawkins was swearing quite loudly about the sabatoge done to his
website. He'd stayed up all night trying to get rid of it which forced
him to completely change the layout of the whole site and completely
forego sleep. The only things that kept him awake were his own
swearing and the task at hand.
Jedichu, on the other hand, was desperately trying to meditate.
"Mutha F**ing hackers!!!" Hawkins grumbled.
"You shouldn't need to swear about it, Hawkins. You fixed the site and
strenghtened the firewalls. Besides, it gave you the idea for the
N'Sync capture. And with you handling the security for the concert,
the big welcome banner actually made a bit of sense."
Hawkins' negative attitude was beginning to overload Jedichu's senses
in the local Force. He tried use a calming method on him but he
couldn't get into a lotus position, because the seat he was sharing
with Skuzz was far too cramped. While in his Croc Hunter personality,
Skuzz had insisted on trying to capture Jedichu, but Jedichiu decided
to be an old fart and not play "catch and release." The closest Skuzz
had gotten was sharing the seat with him in the van...although being
that close to high voltage made him a bit nervous.
The gridlock on the sidewalks and the crowds on the streets were
unbearable. Once out of the van, Hawkins, Skuzz, and Jedichu had to
practically run over people (which they had done in two cases) to get
to the arena.
"Out of my way you teenage hormone *#@&$^*@!!!" Hawkins pushed over a
quintet of Joey's bride-to-be hopefuls.
Skuzz was trying to make his way to the arena's door by using a few of
Steve Irwin's jungle navigation moves.
Jedichu couldn't take it anymore and let out a few large thundershocks
to at least prevent the crowd from stepping on him. It worked on those
who didn't have condoms hidden in their pockets- which meant almost
not at all.
They managed to pass by a television -surrounded by a throng of giddy
and enraged girls- that was actually free of N'Sync. There was a
newsstory about how a small band of glam metal purists had kidnapped
Alice Cooper for doing those hotel commercials that seemed a bit "too
soft" for his image. They couldn't see or hear too well thru the
throng but a few moments later, the station broke to reveal a message
from some guy who was dressed like a urban fifteen year old but was
obviously much older. He seemed dead-set about something, "...again
release Alice!"
Skuzz was in transistion from his Crocodile Hunter personality to that
of a major flake who thinks everything is "cutesy wootsey." He saw the
last part of that station break:
"Aw! Ain't that sweeeeeeet? The age-confused homie womie is twing to
save Alice Cooper all by himseeeeeeelf! Tho the vampie wampie needs to
bwush up on his Gothy Clothy."
As they walked towards the stadium, Jedichu sensed something. A
familiar presence...an enemy. He had a bad feeling about this....
===Part Four: The Answer!===
Back inside the arena, Alice and The Jigglypuffs were gong thru one
last rehersal of the plan while PeterPika checked the security
cameras.
Suddently, they all broke into a large face of The Jedi Hacker,
wearing clothes that would normally have been worn by someone much
younger.
PeterPika jumped in surprise and called for Alice to come quickly. She
arrived just in time to see the image say "release Alice!"
"I don't know what that crazy jerk is up to now but I'm getting more
than a little sick of him." She grabbed a paper and pencil and
scribbled out a note in response which read: "Hacker, leave me alone
dammit. I'm not interested in you, please go away. Signed, Alice"
She then turned to Hot ROddish: "Take this over to wherever that
signal is coming from and deliver this note." "Oddish!" Hot ROddish
saluted and took the envelope in this leaves.
Alice then rigged up an extra police motorcycle, a tracker, a homing
beacon, and a Pokeball...that way, if anything happened, Hot ROddish
could take refuge and be found.
"Godspeed little fella!" Alice hugged her Oddish and sent him off. Hot
ROddish sped off at 112mph and promptly crashed into one of the
oversized bigscreens...but since he was going so fast and that the
motorcycle was made of extra-stong durasteel, the motorcycle sustained
no damage.
"That should take care of that...I hope," said Alice as she fidgited
with her costume some more and went back in.
============
SUMMARY:
-Due to complete self-induced blackout, neither Alice nor anyone else
had gotten the Hacker's Ultimatum originally
-Hawkins and the Shaven Wookies are the security force for the free
concert
-Alice, Hawkins, Wookies, Pokemon et al are about to put their plan in
motion...just as soon as N'Sync gets there
-Hot ROddish is on his way to wherever The Jedi Hacker is to deliver a
hand-written response from Alice.
============
Be glad: my first idea was to have a short one in which Alice simply
responded to the first one and said "go away" and have that be it, but
then I probably wouldn't have heard the end of it. My second idea was
a Chose Your Own Adventure one in spirit of the thread but I'd already
had a significant portion of this post written. So if anyone else
wants to try that, please feel free!
-Rainbow Heron
(sig really wanted to do that first one but RH had to go out of town)
Happy now Hacker?
==========================================
http://web.infoave.net/~rkanderson/rassm/swc.htm
Rainbow Heron's Sith War Characters Page
==========================================
Who needs kids when you've got Pokémon?!
Peter Hanely
>FINALLY!
>============
>SUMMARY:
>
>-Due to complete self-induced blackout, neither Alice nor anyone else
>had gotten the Hacker's Ultimatum originally
>-Hawkins and the Shaven Wookies are the security force for the free
>concert
>-Alice, Hawkins, Wookies, Pokemon et al are about to put their plan in
>motion...just as soon as N'Sync gets there
>-Hot ROddish is on his way to wherever The Jedi Hacker is to deliver a
>hand-written response from Alice.
>
>============
>
>Be glad: my first idea was to have a short one in which Alice simply
>responded to the first one and said "go away" and have that be it, but
>then I probably wouldn't have heard the end of it. My second idea was
>a Chose Your Own Adventure one in spirit of the thread but I'd already
>had a significant portion of this post written. So if anyone else
>wants to try that, please feel free!
>
>-Rainbow Heron
>(sig really wanted to do that first one but RH had to go out of town)
>
>Happy now Hacker?
>
Only one problem, TJH is onboard a ship in orbit. Oh well, he'll get
the message
anyway if it's delivered to Chateau des Ordinateurs, presuming the
guards ordered
to shoot pokemon on sight don't get him first.
He might try email.
--
The Jedi Hacker
"A Jedi uses the code for queries and filters, never for cracks."
http://www.calweb.com/~hanelyp/SW/Chateau_des_Ordinateurs.html
Rainbow Heron
<han...@no-spam.calweb.com> wrote:
>if it's delivered to Chateau des Ordinateurs, presuming the
>guards ordered to shoot pokemon on sight don't get him first.
Don't worry, they couldn't- he drives too fast. NO one can hit a
vehicle that Hot ROddish is driving!
-Rainbow Heron
(sig recalls a bad incident with the cops)
::shudder:: Don't mention *that* one ng sig!
==========================================
http://web.infoave.net/~rkanderson/rassm/swc.htm
Rainbow Heron's Sith War Characters Page
==========================================
Penny for your two cents?
Wes Hutchings
a snicker
> On Thu, 31 Jan 2002 15:14:23 +0000, Peter Hanely
> <han...@no-spam.calweb.com> wrote:
>
>> if it's delivered to Chateau des Ordinateurs, presuming the
>> guards ordered to shoot pokemon on sight don't get him first.
>
> Don't worry, they couldn't- he drives too fast. NO one can hit a
> vehicle that Hot ROddish is driving!
>
> -Rainbow Heron
> (sig recalls a bad incident with the cops)
>
> ::shudder:: Don't mention *that* one ng sig!
My favorite speeding related incident was in the late 80's
A friend and I were each on motorcycles.
It's 3 am, we're doing 95 in a 45 zone when the cop turns on his lights
behind us we were already slowing down as we passed the hospital.
I was on my permit, which means I couldn't drive after night.
When the cop asked how fast I was going I said, "I was pacing myself with
the officer in front of us." Another cop car was up ahead, which is why we
were slowing down.
The guy never cited me for driving at night on the permit and realized it
would be considered entrapment if he tried to write me up on the speeding.
We got off with a warning and my friend was dumbfounded at me talking us out
of the tickets.
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wes