[Sith War IX] Where Have All the Flowers Gone?
M. Harris
Oh, god, it was beautiful. The sleek silver metal, all curves and art
deco lines, shone brilliantly. (Shut up! No, not one of those.) It
was a brand new casing for a droid, which bore more than a passing
resemblance to the robot from Metropolis and for a good reason -- if
you're going to create a body for yourself, you may as well do it
right.
Ugnaught Union Local 310-J busily welded the last bits into place.
Then, at long last -- a brand new positronic brain was sealed within.
The original H.A.R.R.I.S. brain would be put into stasis while the new
version was out and about.
The piggy-faced technician activated the droid. A finger moved. "It's
alive... IT'S ALIVE!!!" The Ugnaught peered into the eye sockets.
"Speak to me! Say something!"
Harris would have blinked if she'd had eyelids. "PuUudin oN aa
RrIIIIzzz?!"
"YES! YES! I've done it!" the Ugnaught cried gleefully.
Hours later...
Harris, in her sleek new exoskellington, stood outside James Trory's
old flat. Most people didn't know he had a flat, but it was
definitely there. Mm-hmm. It was in a very shabby neighborhood.
Harris pushed on the door and was surprised to find that it opened
quite easily. The locks must have been broken a long time ago. She
kicked a beer bottle out of the way and stepped inside.
Harris was suddenly glad she couldn't smell. A small army of cats had
taken over the place. A few of them eyed her warily as she walked
past. Most, however, were heavy-lidded and obviously coming down off
a catnip high from the night before.
"Brrowr?" A mangy calico asked hoarsely. It was sitting on the broken
holovid.
"I'm looking for Jedi Master James Trory."
"Mrrrrowrchch." The calico waved a dirty paw at a faded post-it note
on the inside of the front door. Harris read it.
"To whom it may concern,
If you're reading this note,
it means a) I have a life and
you don't and b) you've gone
and started another goddamn
Sith War. First of all, I'd
like to point out that it's
not even a proper Sith War
unless I'm involved. Which
I'm not. So just move along
now and go home. Nothing to
see here."
-Former Jedi Master James Trory
"WHAT?! I came all this way for that? Not even a 'thanks for all the
fish'. The nerve. And the last Sith War didn't even end properly!
It was a very unsatisfactory conclusion."
Harris peered at the note in her hand. Hmm. The Porkinites were
nowhere to be seen. There were some Pokemon running around willy-
nilly doing God-knows-what. There was that Jedi Hacker guy doing his
own thing. The Shavenwookiees seemed disinterested in anything
besides playing in the snow. President Sal was off somewhere,
probably finding new ways to use bread products. Maybe, just maybe...
it was time for some new leadership around this place. Yessss.... a
new RASSMCity, to be rebuilt for the good of all! Run by an
artificial intelligence, it would be perfect.
Harris got so excited that she shouted out loud. "YES! I shall be
unopposed! *I* can rule RASSMCity. For once, someone will do it
right! The only thing standing in my way is this invasion of boy
bands... and they will be easily dealt with."
A few cats turned and stared blankly at the droid.
"And you, my pretties, you will be my army. My... cat-astrophe. In
return, you will have all the catnip you could possibly want.
Muwahahaha!"
=====
SUMMARY:
-Harris put herself in a droid body.
-Trory's gone and his flat was taken over by cats.
-Harris has turned into a villain from the old Batman tv show. But
with good intentions! (Maybe the brain transfer wasn't as successful
as it could have been?)
DarthGumby
telepathically conveyed:
>
>Oh, god, it was beautiful. The sleek silver metal, all curves and art
>deco lines, shone brilliantly. (Shut up! No, not one of those.) It
>was a brand new casing for a droid, which bore more than a passing
>resemblance to the robot from Metropolis and for a good reason -- if
>you're going to create a body for yourself, you may as well do it
>right.
>
>Ugnaught Union Local 310-J busily welded the last bits into place.
>Then, at long last -- a brand new positronic brain was sealed within.
>The original H.A.R.R.I.S. brain would be put into stasis while the new
>version was out and about.
>
>The piggy-faced technician activated the droid. A finger moved. "It's
>alive... IT'S ALIVE!!!" The Ugnaught peered into the eye sockets.
>"Speak to me! Say something!"
>
>Harris would have blinked if she'd had eyelids. "PuUudin oN aa
>RrIIIIzzz?!"
>
>"YES! YES! I've done it!" the Ugnaught cried gleefully.
ROTFLOL!
>Harris peered at the note in her hand. Hmm. The Porkinites were
>nowhere to be seen. There were some Pokemon running around willy-
>nilly doing God-knows-what. There was that Jedi Hacker guy doing his
>own thing. The Shavenwookiees seemed disinterested in anything
>besides playing in the snow. President Sal was off somewhere,
>probably finding new ways to use bread products. Maybe, just maybe...
>it was time for some new leadership around this place. Yessss.... a
>new RASSMCity, to be rebuilt for the good of all! Run by an
>artificial intelligence, it would be perfect.
>
>Harris got so excited that she shouted out loud. "YES! I shall be
>unopposed! *I* can rule RASSMCity. For once, someone will do it
>right! The only thing standing in my way is this invasion of boy
>bands... and they will be easily dealt with."
>
>A few cats turned and stared blankly at the droid.
>
>"And you, my pretties, you will be my army. My... cat-astrophe. In
>return, you will have all the catnip you could possibly want.
>Muwahahaha!"
I love it!
>=====
>
>SUMMARY:
>
>-Harris put herself in a droid body.
>-Trory's gone and his flat was taken over by cats.
>-Harris has turned into a villain from the old Batman tv show. But
>with good intentions! (Maybe the brain transfer wasn't as successful
>as it could have been?)
DG
-Muuurgh (-o-)
"M. Harris" <mha...@MAPSONcliffhanger.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.16c3909b4...@news.west.cox.net...
Hey, You're my kind of scum.
A cat army.
Catnip.
Good gol, I'm vulnerable.
*tapping his digital watch*
"I love these things."
-Muuurgh