[Sith War v8.1] False Gumby
DarthGumby
Jade and Muuurgh.
It once again was faced with a painful decision, run
away and get it's clothes back from Rightie, or freeze
while trying to protect the Archon.
"So..." Gumby began, ducking as a blaster bolt pinged
off the corner of the building the Porkinites had just
run behind. "Did you get the package from Hawkins? It
had to be Hawkins, you know, all those crazed little
furballs pulling him along... it was terrifying..."
Jade had pulled out a comlink and was signaling the
other Porkinites. "Yeah, we did."
"What was in it?"
"We don't know."
"You can't identify it?"
"No, we just haven't found anyone stu--brave enough to
open it yet."
"Oh."
"Archon?"
"Yes, Gumby?"
"I need to do something."
"Well for Porkins' sake do it in another alley."
"No, no, I uh, have to go. I'll come back."
Jade looked down at Gumby. "You're going to leave us
here, getting shot at, to go off on your own
adventure."
Gumby thought for a second, then nodded. "Well, my feet
are kinda cold. And... I don't wanna cramp your
adventure. You seem to be having fun. I'll come right
back. I promise!"
Jade and Muuurgh looked at each other and shrugged.
"I mean, you could come too, y'know." Gumby said,
edging out of the alley. "No one seems to be shooting
at me. I guess the lack of hanky, blessing in disguise
I suppose..." It's voice trailed off as it disappeared
around a corner.
****
"Nobody knowwwwwsss... the trouble Elmo has seen..."
A forlorn voice wailed from a window high in the Hall
of Ham.
"Nobody knows Elmo... when Elmo is down and out..."
Gumby tried climbing the wall, like it had seen in
movies. It bounced uselessly off the stones.
"Elmo is blue... Elmo is red..."
Gumby looked around for pebbles to toss at the window
to get Elmo's attention.
"Elmo sees lumps... in Elmo's bed."
Elmo picked at his guitar and tried to think of the
next verse when a barrage of rocks came through the
window.
"AH! Elmo is not so bad that he deserves this! Help!
Help!" The Muppet cried, running out of his room.
"Elmo?" Gumby's voice called. No answer.
"Damn." Gumby said, trying to think of another way in.
****
The doorbell of the Great Door of the Hall of Ham rang.
Gumby waited, hearing the chimes ring Land of 1000
Dances then the sound of the floorboards on the other
side of the door creaking as a Porkinite approached.
It wasn't sure how it would address the lack of
clothes, or the apparent desertion of the Archon at
IKEA, but all those questions were needless as the door
was pulled open by Clem to reveal the false Gumby
standing there, glaring back at Gumby.
"OOH!" they yelled at almost the same time, pointing at
each other.
Clem looked from Gumby to Gumby, shook his head and
said "Lemme guess, you'll handle this, I should take
the long way..." he mumbled as he went back to his
quarters. He clicked on his stereo and Meco began to
blare.
Gumby and Gumby circled each other, one glaring at the
un-Gumby-like way the other wore it's hanky, the other
glaring at the undies it had sorely missed.
Suddenly Gumby (the real one, pay attention) reached
out and grabbed Gumby by the ears. They swung around,
crashing into the fooseball table near the door.
One of the false Gumby's ears came off in Gumby's hand.
It appeared to be constructed of plastic. Gumby gaped
at the false Gumby only to find a little hole where the
ear attached.
"Give me my hanky, False Gumby!" Gumby shouted into the
ear that was still attached, grabbing for the hanky.
It had just snatched the hanky off the other's head
when it spun in a quite entertaining way, dissolving
itself into what appeared to be potato flakes.
The dust swirled and blew up the hallway, away from
Gumby.
"Ooh." Gumby said, confused. It firmly pulled the
hanky back on it's head and ran off after the potato
cyclone.
They ended up on the roof, of course, with the false
Gumby twirling out of it's potato cloud and hiding
behind a handy chimney.
Gumby climbed out onto the roof, waving it's arms
trying to keep it's balance. The other one was no
where to be seen. Suddenly it swung around the corner
and kicked Gumby in the head. The real Gumby, not
itself, that would just be silly.
Gumby fell over, and with a yell of "you hurt my
tooshie!" kicked false Gumby in the shins.
They were both rolling down the sloped bit of the roof
at this point, Gumby kept making grabs to reclaim it's
clothes, and as it held onto the sweater worn by the
false Gumby, Gumby's leg caught on a vent to the
upstairs bathrooms. False Gumby slid off the roof,
still trying to dislodge Gumby's hands from it's neck.
"Did Rightie do this? Where's Rightie?" Gumby
demanded, glaring at the impostor. The false Gumby
chuckled and twisted it's eyes some weird way to look
over it's shoulder.
There were sounds of rejoicing in RASSM City Plaza, but
until then Gumby hadn't paid it much attention. There,
in the middle of it all was Rightie, dancing and...
and...
Gumby let out a freaked out yell, looking away quickly.
"Good God, they're outdoors doing that?" It yelled,
letting go of the false Gumby so it could cover it's
eyes. At least thirty seconds went by before Gumby
realized it had in fact let go of the false Gumby.
"Oops." Gumby said, looking over the edge of the roof.
There were many odd butt-cheek marks in the snow, as
well as a large dent with footprints leading away.
Gumby climbed down from the roof, had a washie, put on
some fresh clothes, and marched into the admin room.
C'Pi looked up from what he was doing, then started
moving anything breakable out of the way. "Jade's in
trouble, we have to help!" Gumby said, watching him in
confusion.
"You--wait a second. Is there any beer in Espresso
Beer?" C'Pi asked, eyeing Gumby suspiciously.
"What the hell? No, of course not. Now, we need to
get to IKEA, Jade and Muuurgh are in danger. Going by
the flaming purple one of them was wearing I'd guess
it's SFC. Rightie's..." Gumby broke off with a
shudder and sigh.
"gimmie that stapler while I'm here." Gumby reached
out a hand, into which C'Pi slapped the stapler.
As Gumby stapled it's hanky to it's head, C'Pi went to
rally the Porkinites. He turned back and said to
Gumby, "Sorry about your half ass, it's good to have
you back. Now why the hell did you desert Jade and
Muuurgh at an IKEA?"
"Why the hell were you showing A New Hope fifty times
without me, man?" Gumby complained, venting it's
feelings with the stapler. "When this is over, I
seriously need to catch up." Gumby said, trudging
towards the door and bouncing off the doorframe.
It paused, looking up at nothing in particular. "I
sense something else... something I haven't felt
since..."
"The last time you bounced off the doorframe?" C'Pi
offered. "Yeah, that must be it." Gumby said and
followed him down the hall.
DarthGumby
Jade HoF 2002 campaign
remove MyHelmet to e-mail me.
I want to look upon your e-mail... with my own eyes...
*wheeze*
--Anywhere my computer hangs is home
-Muuurgh (-o-)
"DarthGumby" <DarthMyHe...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:749irtkihvpkt8jm5...@4ax.com...
I came this "||" close to posting a Sith War post, helping you deal with
your current dilemma (The Pokey, dilemma). But, alas, I have'ta go back and
re-write some of it. Sheesh.
-Muuurgh
DarthGumby
<ste...@phrogh.com> telepathically conveyed:
>I came this "||" close to posting a Sith War post, helping you deal with
>your current dilemma (The Pokey, dilemma). But, alas, I have'ta go back and
>re-write some of it. Sheesh.
>
>-Muuurgh
Damn, I'm sorry...
Just post it, it'll fit, no one knows how long it took
to get from IKEA to the Hall of Ham and back again.
Paying attention to detail has been the fall of many a
great Sith War.