[Sith War 9] 'Bots are Taxing
Rainbow Heron
===Part One: A New Haunt===
A blue wormhole opened up in space and out shot a small spacecraft
that looked like a heavily modified Delroean. Not only did it look
like a modified Delorean, it WAS a modified Delorean!
The Delorean set course for a section of space that it hadn't before.
It was a mixing zone between the Usenet and Pokemon dimensions. With
Usenet in their midst, RASSM wouldn't be too far away.
Alice set down the Jump-DMC in an abandoned newsgroup and set up shop
with her Pokemon. The place appeared to have been abandoned for well
over a year, not that it had much traffic to begin with, but it had a
lovely theatre that needed rennovation. In between the reconstruction
of the newsgroup planet, Alice and the Pokemon also set up various
bunkers, spy centers, warehouses, and other necessities.
It had been a wild 5 months back at headquarters. Not only had Alice
masterfully talked her way out of the detention block, but had managed
to get jurisdiction over this new section of undiscovered dimensional
territory. TOAL jurisdiction- the whole works. The bosses could never
get on her case about it now. In fact, they had given her a book- an
electronic book, which she was to write. It was to be a variant of the
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy but for the DJS.
She knew exactly what to enter into it first: the Sith Wars.
While she typed entries into her new H2G2-DJGR, Seanpuff and PeterPika
were watching RASSM thru their spy dishes.
"It looks like everyone's still on Spring Break or in Newbie Hiding
even tho the Newbies haven't arrived yet," Seanpuff observed. "And as
for Hack-boy, he's building an army of droids."
"Battle droids?" Ianpuff moaned.
"Yep."
"Pikapika P- Pikakcu?" PeterPika wondered if it were a late April
Fools' Joke. Nearby, Hamillpuff and Ewanpuff groaned for their
bunkbeds in the new base. Their April Fools Jokes this year had all
been about mixing the wrong ingredients into the right casseroles and
were sick as dogs.
"No, I doubt it. Hacker doesn't seem to possess a sense of humor,"
Alice closed the book and looked at the readouts on Seanpuff's screen.
"Well, now that I've got jurisdiction, we'll have all sorts of better
weaponry at our disposal-" she looked towards one of the other nearby
bunkers, which was loud with the sounds of partying and battling "-and
since Wiggly-tough and Hot ROddish were nice enough to rig a few
things for us, I think we should be in business quite soon."
"YAY!!!!!" all the Pokemon cheered.
Alice looked satisfied "Well, if we're all ready here I think we can
start. Is the Jump-DMC all loaded up?"
"ODDISH!"
"Okay then, order the second shift on- we're bustin' out!"
===Part Two: Tax Returning===
"I hate the f*cking IRS!"
"SHHH!"
Seanpuff didn't like having to bring Ewanpuff with him on a spy
assignment. It was nightime and the air ducts were creepy. According
to the map, they were close. Sure enough, the air vent opened up into
the office of one Mr. I.C. Cashe, Accountant. Seanpuff shined his
catburgler laser thru the vent to test and sense for any security
features. To his amazement, the office was highly insecure. He and
Ewanpuff quietly unscrewed the vent and pried it open with a stick.
Using chairs to prop themselves up, they quickly and quietly went thru
all of the files in the file cabinets and desk until they found what
they were looking for: The Jedi Hacker's tax return. Seanpuff pulled
it out of the pile of outgoing mail and opened it. Ewanpuff snickered
as they read thru it, "You gotta loves these guys who turn these
things in early."
Seanpuff grinned and they took the return to the vent with them and
closed the vent. Seanpuff pulled a few things out of a satchel and for
the next 6 hours, they carefully duplicated...and forged a copy of The
Jedi Hacker's tax return. By the time they were done with it, Hacker
would have to owe over 11,380,327 RASSM credits. They'd also have to
repossess about half of his droid army and the shop too.
Seanpuff looked carefully at the two copies to make sure no one could
tell the forgery. Ewanpuff replaced the forged tax return into the
envelope and put it into the accountant's outbox. They then rescrewed
the vent, snuck back into the ventillation system a few feet, and
waited. About 2 hours later, Mr. Cashe returned to his office and
checked to make sure that all of the tax returns were in their places.
When he was satisfied, he gave all of the outgoing tax returns,
including Hacker's new one, to his secretary.
Seanpuff and Ewanpuff quietly crept to the system to check that the
right return went out with the mail- which it did. With a silent
high-five they snuck out at the back of the system by the trash cans
and escaped into the sewers.
NObody and NOthing saw or heard them.
===Part Three: What's with the Army?===
Alice and crew poured over Hacker's original tax return. She couldn't
believe half of the stuff she saw: parts and pieces of droids, drones,
weapons, computers and enough ammo to take over the planet. And all
had been written off as either business expenses or personal defense
(Seanpuff & Ewanpuff had changed them all over to 'entertainment').
Hack-boy was in for a surprise come April 16th.
"He's definately building up an army, but is it against us or against
all of RASSM Planet?" Alice pondered. RASSM, as weird and warring as
it was, had begun to grow on her. She was careful not to get *too*
attatched or else she feared she might get the full Goth treatment
next time. she had no wish to spend another second at the HQ
infirmary.
"So what are we going to do about this Alice" Jedichu asked. "It looks
like we're the only ones so far who know anything about this. How do
we warn everyone?"
"I vote we warn President Sal first," Ianpuff rationalized.
"I suppose it's worth a call. We'll use a secure payphone, but first,
we need to make copies of this." Alice pulled a new and strange
looking-contraption out of the Jump-DMC's trunk. She put the tax
return into it and transported it back to their new base. She then
phoned up the Pokemon on the other end to make sure it got there okay.
"VULPIX!!!" the firefox Pokemon transported a copy back to Alice.
Seanpuff looked it over, "Perfect!"
Alice thanked Vulpix and gathered the others to go look for a phone.
===Part Four: Calling President Sal====
Alice had been haggling with the various departments nad security guys
on the phone for the past 9 hours, and just taking a stroll up to the
big bagel in the sky was out of the question.
"No, I don't have an appointment. I'm tryin' to reach, President Sal.
Nononono wait lemme explain!..."
The others were getting hungry and restless. So far, the bar had been
relatively quiet- only 2 brawls since they'd been there and the 'Puffs
were so upset they didn't get to join in. Although PeterPika did get
to shock one Rodian who got tossed into the cigerette dispenser just a
few feet away.
Seanpuff looked again at the little tv/comlink he now had and called
up the Vulpix and Wiggly-tough to catch up on things. Sure enough,
Hacker's army was getting larger and nastier. They had to do something
and fast. Alice was getting nowhere so far but hadn't given up hope
yet.
"I got an idea!" Hamillpuff said out of the blue.
"What? Do you know how to speed up Alice's progress or something?"
asked Ianpuff.
"Find a way to charm the bartender into some free food?!" asked
Ewanpuff.
"No no no, it's about Hacker's army!" All four Jigglypuffs, PeterPika,
and Hot ROddish all huddled together as Hamillpuff discussed his idea.
Jedichu listened in but was more interested in looking out for more of
Hacker's drones. Finally the group dispersed.
"WOW! You think it could work?!?!" Ewanpuff gawked.
"It might...it might..." pondered Ianpuff.
"Well, why don't we?!" Hamillpuff was exicited.
"Hell-O! Alice!" Seanpuff pointed as an exhausted and pissed off Alice
who had just been put on hold and was being traced for the 59th time.
"Well, why don't *you* persuade her Jedichu?"
"It's a little mean considering recent events...but...it sounds
feasible." Jedichu had a bad feeling that the 'Puffs might go off and
leave Alice alone on the phone whether he managed to convince her or
not. He tugged at her sleeve while she was on hold and asked anyway.
Alice was aghast. "Jedichu, I'm surprised at you! Yes it could work,
but I think one offensive manouver is enough don'tcha think?! Hello?
Yes I'm still holding..."
Jedichu sighed and turned around to find that Seanpuff, Ewanpuff, and
Hamillpuff had already snuck out. The other three just stood there
looking all worried and guilty. "I guess the longer they keep her on
hold now, the better," sighed Jedichu as he took another asprin and
offered some to Ianpuff, PeterPika and Hot ROddish.
===Part Five: Saboteur===
"I hate f*cking air vents!"
"SHHHH!!"
"Yeah I agree."
"SHHHHHHHHH!"
Seanpuff didn't know why he agreed to this. The Jedi Hacker's air
conditioning system was thankfully a little warm and thankfully not
too high from the factory floor. They peeked out at all the masses of
droids that were being comissioned and assembled in Hacker's ultimate
warehouse. They spotted a central computer in a corner near the
enterance. "Works just like the originals," Seanpuff smiled. "I can
see an air duct running just below the panelling over there. If we cut
thru it nice and easy, one of us can fit into the computer there. Who
wants to do it?"
Neither Hamillpuff nor Ewanpuff volunteered.
"Okay then, I'll do the cutting, Ewanpuff does the climbing and
Hamillpuff does the programming. Got it?"
They nodded and crept up underneath where the central computers went
all the way to the floor. Timing their cuttings to the loud noises of
the load lifters just feet away, Seanpuff cut a nice small hole for
one them to fit thru. Ewanpuff crawled into the computer case first
and moving a few cables aside, found the correct terminal. Hamillpuff
crawled in carrying a loading drive with wires and Seanpuff hotwired
it into the terminal.
"Who wants to do the honors?" Seanpuff whispered.
Just then they heard footsteps come to the computer and then tappings
at the keyboard and buttons above. They also smelled a familiar smell-
it was Hacker. They waitied in the computer for a few minutes until
Hacker went for a soda, and all three pushed the button at the same
time. Once the task was completed, Seanpuff hurried to reconnect the
cables and usher the other two out of the computer before Hacker
returned. Seanpuff replaced the metal in the hole and sealed it back
in place from underneath with some superglue.
They crawled out of the system, which was thankfully connected to the
supply shack out in the back, and made their way out, hoping nobody
and nothing had seen or heard them.
When they arrived back at the bar, Alice was sitting on the floor
almost in tears. Three of her Pokemon had gone missing but the
security guy on the phone had prevented her from leaving the phone to
go search for them. Seanpuff, Hamillpuff, and Ewanpuff arrived with
all smiles but not without shivering. By 'thankfully a little warm' I
meant Hacker kept his warehouse and supply shack slightly colder than
an icebox.
Good thing Alice's Jigglypuffs are used to rooting thru iceboxes.
Alice gave them a stern look and when she was put on hold again, she
demanded where they had been.
"Oh nothing, we just loaded up a super-duper ultra-scrambling version
of the HipCrime bot into Hack-boy's droid army," Hamillpuff beamed.
Alice gaped. She didn't know whether to be pissed or pleased.
"And the best part is, the code scrambles out into the instructions
for disassembling their fellow droids and making them into
non-mechanical kitchen appliances!!!" Hamillpuff's grin was wider and
sneakier than a chesire cat's.
Alice almost didn't hear it when President Sal picked up the phone.
Somewhere across RASSM City, one of The Jedi Hacker's droidekas had
just turned 5,000 of his battle droids into cheese graters.
============
SUMMARY:
-Alice & co are back, cured, and have set up base on the planet of a
nearby long-dead newgroup
-they brought extra Pokemon with them to man the base
-Seanpuff & Ewanpuff (on Alice's orders) forged Hacker's tax return
which was successfully maile dto the IRS
-Seanpuff, Ewanpuff, and Hamillpuff (*not* on Alice's orders) also
loaded a souped-up version of the HipCrime bot into the central
computer for Hacker's droid army
-Alice is desperately trying to call President Sal to warn her about
Hacker's intentions to take over RASSM City with his army. What she
does is up to y'all & Sal.
-Seanpuff FINALLY gets to do some spy stuff!
============
If nothing else, Alice is back and Hacker doesn't have quite as big an
army as he had before...
-Rainbow Heron
(sig can't wait for the IRS guys to get to Hacker)
...and we have a place to stay if Hacker should succeed after all.
Either way, we'll hunker down until we get a nice BIG Sith War!
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http://web.infoave.net/~rkanderson/rassm/swc.htm
Rainbow Heron's Sith War Characters Page
==========================================
Who needs kids when you've got Pokémon?!
Peter Hanely
> ===Part One: A New Haunt===
>
> army as he had before...
>
> -Rainbow Heron
> (sig can't wait for the IRS guys to get to Hacker)
>
> ...and we have a place to stay if Hacker should succeed after all.
> Either way, we'll hunker down until we get a nice BIG Sith War!
- Still have the gas equiped seekers.
- Did you get the bill addressed to you?
- guess I'll have to beef up physical security. No way your critters
could have broken into the computer by remote. (then again, neither
could I against such security.)
--
The Jedi Hacker
"A Jedi uses the code for queries and filters, never for cracks."