Re: "Sky Song" / Will Dockery [c&c welcome]

[Will Dockery]

Left in my "Drafts" box for a long time for some reason, comments & critique
welcome, still:

Sky Song
>
>> > > > Sky songs written with cloud and light,
>> > > > and numbers, look that up,
>> > > > to a point, I see it and the sound echoes off the brick.
>> > > > Queen of darkness, she's out of sight,
>> > > > our lady of the earth.
>> > > > Tall and hot,
>> > > > travel lightly.
>> > > > Mispoken, I did not know the details then,
>> > > > it's real clear to me now.
>> > > > Into the breath,
>> > > > ringing down from the sky.
>> > > > Poems the sky writes on slick paper,
>> > > > wet ink glistens on the leaves and grass.
>> > > > She has cartoon red hair,
>> > > > he is the man with the finger flow,
>> > > > then they become as one on the floor.
>> > > > It is clear to me now,
>> > > > what am I to say on this strange warm night?
>> > > > I am as a statue.
>> > > > The moon sings,
>> > > > my heart rings with a strange new sadness.
>>
>> > > > -Will Dockery

--
Gone Too Far / Will Dockery Project:
http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_11596860

[Hieronymous 707]

On May 27, 6:43 pm, "Will Dockery" <will.dock...@gmail.com> wrote:
> Left in my "Drafts" box for a long time for some reason, comments & critique
> welcome, still:
>
> Sky Song

It's a title.

[Will Dockery]

On May 27, 6:59 pm, Hieronymous 707 <hirunnymouse...@gmail.com> wrote:

> On May 27, 6:43 pm, "Will Dockery" wrote:
>
> > Left in my "Drafts" box for a long time for some reason, comments & critique
> > welcome, still:
>
> > Sky Song
>
> It's a title.

That's what it is, which goes with the poem you snipped.

[George Dance]

On May 27, 11:54 pm, Will Dockery <will.dock...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > > Left in my "Drafts" box for a long time for some reason, comments & critique
> > > welcome, still:
>
> > > Sky Song
>
> > It's a title.
>
> That's what it is, which goes with the poem you snipped.
>

Hmmm ... so it wasn't just me.

Alas, I'm off to work, but I'll search out Sky Song and read it
tonight. I can't promise to comment though; you don't need a Gwyther-
type critique, do you?

"I can't understand any of this, but I'm sure that, if I did, it would
be just perfect."

[Adam Lynn]

You posted a title and provided a link.
No poem was snipped. Don't lie.

[Hieronymous 707]

On May 28, 8:07 am, Adam Lynn <rjburrow...@gmail.com> wrote:

> Don't lie.

LOL. Don't breathe.

[Will Dockery]

On May 28, 8:07 am, Adam Lynn wrote:
>
> You posted a title and provided a link.
> No poem was snipped. Don't lie.

Are you incapable of reading a thread?!?

The first post in this thread goes like this:

HTH & HAND.

[Will Dockery]

On May 28, 6:22 am, George Dance <georgedanc...@yahoo.ca> wrote:

> On May 27, 11:54 pm, Will Dockery wrote:
>
> > > > Sky Song
>
> > > It's a title.
>
> > That's what it is, which goes with the poem you snipped.
>

> Hmmm ... so it wasn't just me.
>
> Alas, I'm off to work, but I'll search out Sky Song and read it
> tonight. I can't promise to comment though; you don't need a Gwyther-
> type critique, do you?
>
> "I can't understand any of this, but I'm sure that, if I did, it would
> be just perfect."

Heh... here's the poem, a pretty good one I think:

[Adam Lynn]

On May 29, 4:19 am, Will Dockery <will.dock...@gmail.com wrote:

> Heh

[Hieronymous 707]

On May 29, 6:17 am, Adam Lynn <rjburrow...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > Heh
> > --

[George Dance]

... and a poem, of course.


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Subject: Re: "Sky Song" / Will Dockery [c&c welcome]
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Left in my "Drafts" box for a long time for some reason, comments &
critique
welcome, still:

Sky Song
>

>> > > > Sky songs written with cloud and light,
>> > > > and numbers, look that up,
>> > > > to a point, I see it and the sound echoes off the brick.
>> > > > Queen of darkness, she's out of sight,
>> > > > our lady of the earth.
>> > > > Tall and hot,
>> > > > travel lightly.
>> > > > Mispoken, I did not know the details then,
>> > > > it's real clear to me now.
>> > > > Into the breath,
>> > > > ringing down from the sky.
>> > > > Poems the sky writes on slick paper,
>> > > > wet ink glistens on the leaves and grass.
>> > > > She has cartoon red hair,
>> > > > he is the man with the finger flow,
>> > > > then they become as one on the floor.
>> > > > It is clear to me now,
>> > > > what am I to say on this strange warm night?
>> > > > I am as a statue.
>> > > > The moon sings,
>> > > > my heart rings with a strange new sadness.
>>
>> > > > -Will Dockery

--
Gone Too Far / Will Dockery Project:
http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_11596860

> No poem was snipped. Don't lie.

Are you saying "Sky Song" isn't a poem?

[Adam Lynn]

Yes.

[Will Dockery]

George Dance <georgedanc...@yahoo.ca> wrote:
> Adam Lynn <rjburrow...@gmail.com> wrote:

<snip for brevity>

Probably in his haste to kiss up to Corey Bob missed the poem.

--
Music & poetry of Will Dockery:
http://www.reverbnation.com/willdockery

[Will Dockery]

On May 29, 11:19 pm, Adam Lynn <rjburrow...@gmail.com> wrote:
> On May 29, 8:53 pm, George Dance <georgedanc...@yahoo.ca> wrote:

<snip for brevity>

In what way is "Sky Song" not a poem?

[Adam Lynn]

Mope?

[Adam Lynn]

It works as a song Will, but it fails as poetry.
That's my opinion. Maybe it works as a poem
for someone out there, but not for me. I enjoy
most of your stuff when I hear you sing it,
but when I read it here it leaves me wanting...
more.

Bob

[Hieronymous 707]

The thingie snipped was a hyperlink that read "-Show quoted text-". I
hate those thingies. They always start shit.

[George Dance]

> > Message-ID: <jpuap3$46...@dont-email.me>

And that Will doesn't think it's a poem, either?

[Hieronymous 707]

Yes, I am and do so, Mope,
Until, at will, I rope some dope
And toke. The smoke I hope will then
Start to part my lips. I'll GRIN!!

[George Dance]

On May 30, 1:37 am, Will Dockery <will.dock...@gmail.com> wrote:

Well, I notice Bob says it somehow failed to be a poem, and that's why
calling it a poem is a "lie."

Maybe that's what Corey meant, when he began calling me a "liar" after
I called him out for snipping "May in the Greenwood" from its thread
-- that I was lying about it being poetry.

[Hieronymous 707]

That's not it at all. You began your comment with "I didn't realize".
I honestly thought you were smarter than that so I figured you had to
be lying. Please accept my deepest and most sincere apology. I
couldn't have been more wrong.

[Will Dockery]

George Dance <georgedanc...@yahoo.ca> wrote:
>Adam Lynn <rjburrow...@gmail.com> wrote:

>>George Dance <georgedanc...@yahoo.ca> wrote:
>>>Adam Lynn <rjburrow...@gmail.com> wrote:

>>> > On May 27, 11:54 pm, Will Dockery wrote:
>
> > > Sky Song
>
> > > >> > > > Sky songs written with cloud and light,
> > > >> > > > and numbers, look that up,
> > > >> > > > to a point, I see it and the sound echoes off the brick.
> > > >> > > > Queen of darkness, she's out of sight,
> > > >> > > > our lady of the earth.
> > > >> > > > Tall and hot,
> > > >> > > > travel lightly.
> > > >> > > > Mispoken, I did not know the details then,
> > > >> > > > it's real clear to me now.
> > > >> > > > Into the breath,
> > > >> > > > ringing down from the sky.
> > > >> > > > Poems the sky writes on slick paper,
> > > >> > > > wet ink glistens on the leaves and grass.
> > > >> > > > She has cartoon red hair,
> > > >> > > > he is the man with the finger flow,
> > > >> > > > then they become as one on the floor.
> > > >> > > > It is clear to me now,
> > > >> > > > what am I to say on this strange warm night?
> > > >> > > > I am as a statue.
> > > >> > > > The moon sings,
> > > >> > > > my heart rings with a strange new sadness.
>
> > > >> > > > -Will Dockery
>

> > > > No poem was snipped. Don't lie.
>
> > > Are you saying "Sky Song" isn't a poem?
>
> > Yes.
>
> And that Will doesn't think it's a poem, either?

No, it is a poem...

Surprised Adam never stole it, actually... heh.

[Will Dockery]

On May 30, 2:34 am, Adam Lynn <rjburrow...@gmail.com> wrote:

> It works as a song Will, but it fails as poetry.
> That's my opinion. Maybe it works as a poem
> for someone out there, but not for me. I enjoy
> most of your stuff when I hear you sing it,
> but when I read it here it leaves me wanting...
> more.
>
> Bob

Well, thanks for reading and commenting... I have a couple of new ones
being finished this week, the re-reworked "Over You" & "Cactus Flower
Illusion".

They're either good or more of the same... or both.

--
Music & poetry from Will Dockery & Friends:
http://www.reverbnation.com/willdockery

[George Dance]

On May 27, 10:16 pm, Hieronymous 707 <hieronymous...@gmail.com> wrote:
> I'll be here in the group, but you and George do your
> own thing, and good luck to you both. I won't criticize or comment or
> correct or offend or even respond to either of you.

[Hieronymous 707]

Yes, I wrote both of those statements. Do you have a question; would
you rather call me a liar; or are you smarter than that?

[George Dance]

Nah, no sense belaboring the obvious.

> or are you smarter than that?

I don't have to ask the same of you, do I?

[Hieronymous 707]

So you do have a question. I thought you might. For me, it's about
people, trust, and friendship. I tend to trust people, even when they
lie. It's not the "smartest" practice by any means. I tend to
friendship, but I know I'm not the most likable guy, so sometimes I
like people who don't like me in return. That's you and Will. I'm just
tired of fighting with you guys and having my motives and personal
integrity questioned. I'm not saying you don't have a right to. I'm
saying you should've arrived at some answers by now.

[George Dance]

On Jun 2, 8:02 am, Hieronymous 707 <hieronymous...@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Jun 1, 8:11 pm, George Dance <georgedanc...@yahoo.ca> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> > On Jun 1, 3:55 am, Hieronymous 707 <hieronymous...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > > On May 31, 9:40 pm, George Dance <georgedanc...@yahoo.ca> wrote:
>
> > > > On May 27, 10:16 pm, Hieronymous 707 <hieronymous...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > > > > I'll be here in the group, but you and George do your
> > > > > own thing, and good luck to you both. I won't criticize or comment or
> > > > > correct or offend or even respond to either of you.
>
> > > > On May 30, 7:10 am, Hieronymous 707 <hieronymous...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > > > > I honestly thought you were smarter than that so I figured you had to
> > > > > be lying. Please accept my deepest and most sincere apology. I
> > > > > couldn't have been more wrong.
>
> > > Yes, I wrote both of those statements. Do you have a question; would
> > > you rather call me a liar;
>
> > Nah, no sense belaboring the obvious.
>
> > > or are you smarter than that?
>
> > I don't have to ask the same of you, do I?
>
> So you do have a question. I thought you might.

Huh? You're trying to spin this get caught lying, yet again, and just
shrug it off like that. Maybe I do have to belabor the obvious with
you. So let's do so. Three days ago, after I began responding in kind
to your constant attacks, you asked me to stop, and promised to stop
yourself. You managed to restrain yourself for just 3 days, and now
here you are starting again.

To answer your question: No, I don't think you were "lying" -- I think
that 3 days ago, you really believed you would, and could, behave
yourself; but, after three days, that no longer matters. You said what
you needed to, then, to get what you wanted; and now you'll say
whatever you need to to get what you want: if that means contradicting
yourself, then you'll contradict yourself. That doesn't make you a
"liar," but it does make you as untrustworthy as any liar.

> For me, it's about
> people, trust, and friendship. I tend to trust people, even when they
> lie.

Well, that's true. You not only "trust" certain proven liars, but fawn
all over them if you think it helps you pursue your goals; like Gary's
Trolls and the stAUKers whose tactics you've been emulating.

> It's not the "smartest" practice by any means.

Hey, it worked for them; they had an iron control of AUK, RAP, and a
number of groups for a few years. While you've never been able to
control AAPC, you have driven quite a few people off, even some that
Gary's Trolls were never able to eliminate.

On the other hand, your "friends" don't seem very reliable. For all
your fawning, ~PJ~ and ~ggary~~ still will have nothing to do with
you; and while the stAUKers have been friendlier (at least while you
were pursuing mutual victims), I haven't noticed any of them helping
you out. So maybe it is time for you to start questioning your own
strategy and tactics.

> I tend to
> friendship, but I know I'm not the most likable guy, so sometimes I
> like people who don't like me in return. That's you and Will.

Huh? When did I say I didn't like you? That's the kind of statement
that, if it were made of you, you'd call a "lie" -- not that it is, of
course.

> I'm just
> tired of fighting with you guys and having my motives and personal
> integrity questioned.

Do you even understand what "integrity" is? Hint: it comes from the
same root as "integration". When you say things like "I'm tired of
fighting," yet continue to provoke fights, then your thoughts and
actions are not integrated. If you really are tired of fighting, then
do what you said you'd do: Stop it. I'm willing to consider this your
second strike (though that's only because I didn't keep count before
last week), and go back to leaving you alone as long as you leave me
alone. If the group is not big enough that two people can co-exist
without interacting, that's a problem with it; and that's what has to
be addressed.

> I'm not saying you don't have a right to. I'm
> saying you should've arrived at some answers by now.

Oh, I've reached plenty of conclusions about you -- you just prefer to
relabel those "lies".

[Hieronymous 707]

On Jun 2, 10:31 am, George Dance <georgedanc...@yahoo.ca> wrote:

> attacks

<snip>

>shrug<

Have a nice day, George. You win. I quit.

[Will Dockery]

On Jun 2, 8:02 am, Hieronymous 707 <hieronymous...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> So you do have a question. I thought you might. For me, it's about
> people, trust, and friendship. I tend to trust people, even when they
> lie. It's not the "smartest" practice by any means. I tend to
> friendship, but I know I'm not the most likable guy, so sometimes I
> like people who don't like me in return. That's you and Will. I'm just
> tired of fighting with you guys and having my motives and personal
> integrity questioned. I'm not saying you don't have a right to. I'm
> saying you should've arrived at some answers by now.

What gives you the idea I don't like you, Corey?

If I were you I'd call you "stupid" or something for putting words in
my mouth/misrepresenting me like that.

All clear now... my friend?

[Adam Lynn]

A Hand-Mirror

HOLD it up sternly! See this it sends back! (Who is it? Is it you?)
Outside fair costume—within ashes and filth,
No more a flashing eye—no more a sonorous voice or springy step;
Now some slave’s eye, voice, hands, step,
A drunkard’s breath, unwholesome eater’s face, venerealee’s flesh,
Lungs rotting away piecemeal, stomach sour and cankerous,
Joints rheumatic, bowels clogged with abomination,
Blood circulating dark and poisonous streams,
Words babble, hearing and touch callous,
No brain, no heart left—no magnetism of sex;
Such, from one look in this looking-glass ere you go hence,
Such a result so soon—and from such a beginning!

-Walt Whitman

[Hieronymous 707]

On Jun 2, 12:38 pm, Will Dockery <will.dock...@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Jun 2, 8:02 am, Hieronymous 707 <hieronymous...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>
> > So you do have a question. I thought you might. For me, it's about
> > people, trust, and friendship. I tend to trust people, even when they
> > lie. It's not the "smartest" practice by any means. I tend to
> > friendship, but I know I'm not the most likable guy, so sometimes I
> > like people who don't like me in return. That's you and Will. I'm just
> > tired of fighting with you guys and having my motives and personal
> > integrity questioned. I'm not saying you don't have a right to. I'm
> > saying you should've arrived at some answers by now.
>
> What gives you the idea I don't like you, Corey?
>
> If I were you I'd call you "stupid" or something for putting words in
> my mouth/misrepresenting me like that.
>
> All clear now... my friend?

If that's how you treat friends, no. Not clear now. Not friends now.
Have a nice weekend anyway.

[George Dance]

Heh ... if "what's" how he treats friends? Calling you out for doing
what you call "lying"?

[George Dance]

> On May 27, 10:16 pm, Hieronymous 707 <hieronymous...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > I'll be here in the group, but you and George do your
> > own thing, and good luck to you both. I won't criticize or comment or
> > correct or offend or even respond to either of you.

On Jun 2, 10:59 am, Hieronymous 707 <hieronymous...@gmail.com> wrote:
> Have a nice day, George. You win. I quit.

So you're back to that, are you? Well, we'll see if you can quit for
more than 3 days this time.

[Hieronymous 707]

If that's how you treat friends, I have no answers for your questions,
George. We're too different. My friends wouldn't ask those questions
of me. They wouldn't have to. My friends know me, what I mean, and
what I stand for.

[Hieronymous 707]

Whatever, George. You win again.

[Adam Lynn]

On Jun 2, 10:31 am, George Dance <georgedanc...@yahoo.ca> wrote:



>I'm willing to consider this your second strike...

You've got a lot of balls, George.

[Will Dockery]

"You've got a lotta nerve, to say you are my friend..."

--
Gone Too Far / Will Dockery & The Shadowville All-Stars:
http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_11596860

[Hieronymous 707]

On Jun 2, 2:31 pm, Adam Lynn <rjburrow...@gmail.com> wrote:

LOL. Baseball? Bowling? Picket line? It takes balls to strike.

[Adam Lynn]

Bowling is so old fashioned. So is base
ball. So is being broke. Can you spare
some change? Can you strike up the band?
Take me out to the ball game. I don't care
if I ever get back.

Bob

[Hieronymous 707]

You're doing it again.

[Will Dockery]

On Jun 2, 1:12 pm, Hieronymous 707 <hieronymous...@gmail.com> wrote:

Okay, so maybe you'll stop lying about me and my feelings, then,,,
heh.

--

[Hieronymous 707]

Whatever. Enjoy your day.

[Will Dockery]

Hieronymous 707 <hieronymous...@gmail.com> wrote:

>Will Dockery wrote:
> >Hieronymous 707 <hieronymous...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > > > > So you do have a question. I thought you might. For me, it's about
> > > > > people, trust, and friendship. I tend to trust people, even when they
> > > > > lie. It's not the "smartest" practice by any means. I tend to
> > > > > friendship, but I know I'm not the most likable guy, so sometimes I
> > > > > like people who don't like me in return. That's you and Will. I'm just
> > > > > tired of fighting with you guys and having my motives and personal
> > > > > integrity questioned. I'm not saying you don't have a right to. I'm
> > > > > saying you should've arrived at some answers by now.
>
> > > > What gives you the idea I don't like you, Corey?
>
> > > > If I were you I'd call you "stupid" or something for putting words in
> > > > my mouth/misrepresenting me like that.

<snip for focus>

> > Okay, so maybe you'll stop lying about me and my feelings, then,,,
> > heh.
>
> Whatever. Enjoy your day.

Is that a yes, you'll stop lying about me, then?

[Hieronymous 707]

On Jun 2, 4:06 pm, Will Dockery <will.dock...@gmail.com> wrote:
> Hieronymous 707 <hieronymous...@gmail.com> wrote:
> >Will Dockery wrote:
> > >Hieronymous 707 <hieronymous...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > > > > > So you do have a question. I thought you might. For me, it's about
> > > > > > people, trust, and friendship. I tend to trust people, even when they
> > > > > > lie. It's not the "smartest" practice by any means. I tend to
> > > > > > friendship, but I know I'm not the most likable guy, so sometimes I
> > > > > > like people who don't like me in return. That's you and Will. I'm just
> > > > > > tired of fighting with you guys and having my motives and personal
> > > > > > integrity questioned. I'm not saying you don't have a right to. I'm
> > > > > > saying you should've arrived at some answers by now.
>
> > > > > What gives you the idea I don't like you, Corey?
>
> > > > > If I were you I'd call you "stupid" or something for putting words in
> > > > > my mouth/misrepresenting me like that.
>
> <snip for focus>
>
> > > Okay, so maybe you'll stop lying about me and my feelings, then,,,
> > > heh.
>
> > Whatever. Enjoy your day.
>
> Is that a yes, you'll stop lying about me, then?
>

When I say whatever I mean whatever, like whatever, you know? We don't
agree. We don't have an understanding. I think whatever so I said
whatever because I don't feel like arguing, so whatever. Interpret
whatever you see however you want. Whatever. Enjoy the rest of your
day.

[George Dance]

On May 29, 4:19 am, Will Dockery <will.dock...@gmail.com> wrote:

> On May 28, 6:22 am, George Dance <georgedanc...@yahoo.ca> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> > On May 27, 11:54 pm, Will Dockery wrote:
>
> > > > > Sky Song
>

> > > > It's a title.
>
> > > That's what it is, which goes with the poem you snipped.
>
> > Hmmm ... so it wasn't just me.
>
> > Alas, I'm off to work, but I'll search out Sky Song and read it
> > tonight. I can't promise to comment though; you don't need a Gwyther-
> > type critique, do you?
>
> > "I can't understand any of this, but I'm sure that, if I did, it would
> > be just perfect."
>
> Heh... here's the poem, a pretty good one I think:

>
> Sky Song
>
> Sky songs written with cloud and light,
> and numbers, look that up,
> to a point, I see it and the sound echoes off the brick.
>
> Queen of darkness, she's out of sight,
> our lady of the earth.
>
> Tall and hot,
> travel lightly.
>
> Mispoken, I did not know the details then,
> it's real clear to me now.
> Into the breath,
> ringing down from the sky.
>
> Poems the sky writes on slick paper,
> wet ink glistens on the leaves and grass.
> She has cartoon red hair,
> he is the man with the finger flow,
> then they become as one on the floor.
>
> It is clear to me now,
> what am I to say on this strange warm night?
> I am as a statue.
> The moon sings,
> my heart rings with a strange new sadness.
>
> -Will Dockery
>

> --
> Gone Too Far / Will Dockery Project:http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_11596860

Thanks for reposting. I did rediscover an earlier comment I made, in
Feb. 2011. Most of it is valid; the one big difference is that I'm not
as keen on cutting the end-line punctuarion now as I was then (when I
was so deep into Garneau's poetry):

<fwd>

It has a nice sound from an earlier time -- I'd say "70s," but only
because that's the time of my youth. L1 is excellent:

> Sky songs written with cloud and light,

then L2 is such a change - but in a good way, not boring, sort of
inyerface, insouciant:

> and numbers, look that up,

so that gets me hooked.

There's more good lines throughout; my favourites:

> Poems the sky writes on slick paper,
> wet ink glistens on the leaves and grass.

I'd cut the "the" in that last line, though, and I'd cut a lot more
words throughout; I'd suggest going through it once looking for excess
words to trim. I'd also say get rid of the end=line punctuation -- at
least
for one draft -- the punctuation you miss can be added back in of
course.

I'd put this on TBB except for the fact we've agreed on something
else
for this April. Maybe in an off month, though, say in summer ...

</fwd>

The offer to put it on my blog is still open, but

[Adam Lynn]

Thanks pal.

[Will Dockery]

Well, I accept!

I've been away so long that many messages I should have read weeks ago
I'm just now finding.

Yes. put it in your blog... but...

I dunno what /your/ "but" was up there.

--
Tribute to Clyde Baker / Part Three:
http://youtu.be/HON4gaacGsU