recant
and let the ancients fall
tribal songs ejaculate this quiet, pastel night
and fifteen songs ago,
i was still alone

let it fall
and taste the razor clitoris
turns
and flees

at dawn: autonomic dreams
distract the threads of self-delusion
sheets ripple serpentine
to dawn's end game

and hold
we can't hold back the chains that stroke the backs
dead men crawling for a place to hide
to die
laughter in the breeze
children's games
no longer

mammalian fantasies / something crashes through the down and down
fast stops

there once was a time
when i thought
in stunted, malformed thoughts
that all would be well
well, these landscapes have erode
down to nothing
and dust
and dirty dreams
i was the one who was crazy all those days
golden breath convince myself
of new and wondrous things
that break apart

i've begun to see better
what it was to cause this sweet collapse
a mariner's song
a cowboy's weathered eyes
these are the points of pain
which acupuncture this slow-rotting numbness

it goes like this:
a kid too stupid to realize that dreams are the wrong way to go
tortures herself
'til she learns to love the pain

the slashing guilt of fallen stars

the bread-pan pounding of regret

the bright insanity of madmen's whispers breaking through the night
again
and again
and
shit, i should have known better

we used to tell such beautiful lies
reclined on wicker chairs
beneath a brilliant azure sky
but i believed

we used to dream of dreams
that no one could have ever dreamed before
but i believed

and we planned and schemed
and tore on through
like bullets in a headlong race
through childhood's disease-like grace
and i believe, now
fear replaces everything
i believe that hope is for the hopeless
i believe that innocence is better left disturbed
and i believe that nothing can atone this

so
now
trapped in towers vaguely skeletal
i have watched while all my dreams fell
silently
and out into this ashen hell
i whisper, or i scream:

yes, goddamnit yes!
i've learned my lesson well!